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Toulouse: 5 years after 14 years of Paxil - success story

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Toulouse
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MOD NOTE : Toulouse's Introduction Topic is here

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Hello all.  I wanted to come here to give my success story.   If you go through my first thread called My Paxil Withdrawal Journey, you can see for yourself the misery and pain that I went through, particularly the first 2 years of getting off of Paxil.  I had so many symptoms,  ones I've never had before.   The main issues I had coming off were anxiety and insomnia.  I've had dizziness, tinnitus, heart palpitations, intolerance to alcohol, and a new allergy which almost killed me.  I used to feel like my brain was 'slipping' out of my skull.  It was a strange feeling. and scary too. Numbness in my fingers, hands, legs. Twitching muscles, twitching hands( I thought I had ALS).  I thought I was dying.  To make things worse I saw a holistic doc who said I had mold illness and put me on these crazy pills and skyrocketed my anxiety and paranoia about mold (it's everywhere btw), it turned out to be false, and I tried to sue the guy, but I wouldn't have made enough to make the lawyer fees worth it.  After that, I slowly focused on my own recovery again, trying to be as healthy as I could.  I had many windows and waves.  Slowly, the windows became bigger and longer.  I slowly started feeling like I had a handle on it.  Then I'd have a few months of very rough anxiety and panic and insomnia and nearly got back on something.  I almost did.  But I decided to try to be patient and gave it a few more weeks.  I'm glad I did, otherwise, I might have gotten back on another SSRI and still be on it now.   But notably, things that helped me were mindfulness meditation and talk therapy.  That really helped calm my brain.   Now I don't meditate anymore since I don't have anxiety, except for when it's appropriate maybe. I started working out again after that 3 year mark.  I started just walking, then I joined the gym and started lifting weights.  The old guys were stronger than me, I had grown so weak.  But gradually I started getting stronger again, and lifting heavier, doing treadmill work, etc.  And eating pretty healthy for the most part (though I still like my cookies and snacks).     I'd say after year 3 I was 80-90% recovered.  I mean, feeling like my pre-Paxil days.  I say today I am 99% recovered.  I think there are some residual things, like I still get some ringing in my ears sometimes.  I still have an intolerance to alcohol, and the new allergies (but admit, those body changes will likely never go away at this point).  but I'm okay with that.   Now I cycle almost every day, I go for long rides.  I never think of my anxiety, or the pain I went through anymore.  It's a distant memory for me and I'm so glad to be here today and able to share my story.      Thank you to the moderators for running this site.  It was the most helpful tool in my journey out of this nightmare.  I wish everyone here the same success I've had, or better, as my journey was pretty brutal for a while there.  Peace and love to you all.   

Toulouse 

Edited by Erell
Add link to Introduction topic

Been on Paxil 14 years. 40mg for the bulk of those.

20mg in 2014

10mg March of 2015 - then tapered to 5mg

Then to 2.5 to 1.5 - to 1mg, from Mar-August.

As of August 23 2015, I am flying without a net.  Paxil free!

WD symptoms since tapering mid- 2015:

Short temper, hostile. Brain zaps. Bruxism. Wild vivid dreams  Hives Food intolerance Lump in throat, . Joint pain. Knees, elbows.  Pain in feet. Numbness in hands. Shaking, like I'm cold. Trembling. Tremors, muscle twitches all over. Facial tics. Eye, lips. Head.  Floaters in my eyes. Severe Insomnia (between months 4-5)  then returned from March-October 2016. I'm sleeping better now. Dreams have returned to normal (month 7) High levels of anxiety when around large crowds or in large rooms. Intestinal spasms, heartburn.  Dizzy spells.  Panic/Anxiety Attacks suddenly developed months 8 out.  4 years out, 98% feeling back to normal.  (October 9 2019)

 

 

 

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Erell

Congratulations! Thanks so much for coming back and letting us know you're doing so well.

I wish you a very sweet and sunny life :) 


2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : weaning Paroxetine 20mg. 3% every 15 days.

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

Current medication : 7mg Fluoxetine + 1mg Diazepam + toothpick Paroxetine 

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Longroadhome

@Toulouse

 

well done and congratulations!!!  

always great to hear of another Paxil survivor 

Go out and enjoy the rest of your life drug free and never again plagued with wd symptoms . What a great feeling that must be  ! 
you should be very proud 😊

 


October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Cocopuffz17

Great work!!! Glad to hear you are doing well! Thanks for sharing your story!! All the best in your future !!


I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

 

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

 

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
 

2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

 

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Leo1983

Hi great news!

Well done!

 

Can i ask you fast tapered?

 

Did you suffer most days for the first 3 years? Then did things improve?

 

How are you now around people and crowds?

 

Again well done 😃


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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ChessieCat
1 hour ago, Leo1983 said:

 

Can i ask you fast tapered?

 

Did you suffer most days for the first 3 years? Then did things improve?

 

 

Toulouse's drug signature answers these questions:

 

Been on Paxil 14 years. 40mg for the bulk of those.

20mg in 2014

10mg March of 2015 - then tapered to 5mg

Then to 2.5 to 1.5 - to 1mg, from Mar-August.

As of August 23 2015, I am flying without a net.  Paxil free!

WD symptoms since tapering mid- 2015:

Short temper, hostile. Brain zaps. Bruxism. Wild vivid dreams  Hives Food intolerance Lump in throat, . Joint pain. Knees, elbows.  Pain in feet. Numbness in hands. Shaking, like I'm cold. Trembling. Tremors, muscle twitches all over. Facial tics. Eye, lips. Head.  Floaters in my eyes. Severe Insomnia (between months 4-5)  then returned from March-October 2016. I'm sleeping better now. Dreams have returned to normal (month 7) High levels of anxiety when around large crowds or in large rooms. Intestinal spasms, heartburn.  Dizzy spells.  Panic/Anxiety Attacks suddenly developed months 8 out.  4 years out, 98% feeling back to normal.  (October 9 2019)


Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 12 Sept 2020:  Pristiq 0.625 mg (compounded)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Cigale

Thank you @Toulouse for sharing your journey! You are an inspiration! 


2008-2016 - Lexapro 10 mg, tapered to 2.5 mg over one year then CT
Feb 2, 2019 to July 24, 2019 - restart Lexapro 5 mg; July 25, 2019 increase Lexapro 10 mg
Nov 20, 2019 to Dec 11, 2019 - way too fast taper from Lexapro 10 mg to 7.5 mg to 5 mg to 0
Dec 12, 2019 to Feb 4, 2020 - drug free until horrible WD hit
Feb 5, 2020 to Feb 16, 2020 - started Paxil 10 mg, resulted in very bad reaction
Feb 18, 2020 - current - reinstate Lexapro 5 mg to stabilize before taper

 

daily meditation 10-40 minutes, yoga 30 minutes; biweekly CBT & ACT therapy

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Hanna72

Congratulations @Toulouse

Loved reading your success story 

You are a true survivor, I am so happy for you.

All the best to you.

 



2000/ got 20mg Paxil  for panic attacks. Many attempts to quit through out the years, without any success.

2019- January started tapering Paxil, 2019-October 10 mg Paxil , getting ready for a bridge with 10 mg Prozac  Took about 1 month during switch. Done with Paxil 2019/ November started tapering 20 mg Prozac  .Took alcohol and coffee out.2019/December 8 mg Prozac 

2020/January 4 mg Prozac 

2020/15/3 .09 mg jumped off

2020 March 16 off Prozac  Quetipine 25 mg used 1 time in 15 months, oxezapam 15 mg used 5 times 

Suppliments: Magnesium, omega 3 fish oil ( epa&dha) D vitamin 

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” Leo Tolstoy 

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arbor

Thank you, Toulouse--It is so kind of you to share your success.  It sounds like you did a lot, too, to make it happen.

With much appreciation,

Arbor

 


Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

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Toulouse
On 9/6/2020 at 2:16 AM, Leo1983 said:

Hi great news!

Well done!

 

Can i ask you fast tapered?

 

Did you suffer most days for the first 3 years? Then did things improve?

 

How are you now around people and crowds?

 

Again well done 😃

I think it was over 3 months or so (I have to go back. it was way too fast.).   I'd say the first 2 years were the toughest.  With improvements starting gradually in the middle of year two, but still lots of things, symptoms.  Sleep, muscle twitches,  anxiety.  But by year three I was doing substantially better.  Years four and five, I've all but put the Paxil behind me.  I don't think about it anymore, or the suffering I endured.   By year 2.5, 3, I was better around crowds, able to go to concerts, etc.  Now,  (Pre pandemic) I was going to very large rock concerts.   One thing I can't do is drink alcohol anymore.  I don't know if it's related or not, but around year 2, I found that if I drank a glass of wine (or two beers) I would wake up with a thumping heart, a bit fast, enough to wake me and worry me.  Still happens.  I don't drink often, sometimes one beer.  But more than that, my body can't seem to handle.  Prior to tapering off of Paxil, I could drink whatever.  My digestive system is just more sensitive. (I picked up a rice allergy, which is the thing that almost killed me and I didn't know until 2 years later what actually caused my anaphylactic shock).  I think finding out what caused it, helped alleviate a lot of uncertainty and anxiety in itself (I had 2 dumb allergists, who didn't do a full allergy work up / skin prick, only blood test, which is like 30% accurate and in my case plain wrong).  I have lost faith in holistic doctors from my experience, They made me worse after I made some improvements. Mainly the quack who told me I had a mold illness after doing some obscure tests and putting me on a bunch of weird medications and caused my paranoia and fear of mold to exacerbate my anxiety when it was starting to improve.   I'll never forgive that guy (I can't sue, it wouldn't be enough money to cover the attorney).  So meditation, exercise, eating healthy and time is what I think helped me the most.  

 

I will add that around year 2 I was getting frustrated with the anxiety and depression, the impulsive, bad thoughts I was having.  I almost went back on some sort of SSRI.  I was desperate.  In my case I decided to try to deal with the suffering a bit more.  It may  be controversial, but I found that one tablet of Benadryl helped me during that period if I was having a particularly bad night (sleep or anxiety).  I did this maybe a handful of times, not daily.  This seemed to alleviate a couple tough times for me towards the tail end of my suffering.  Soon after that, I didn't need any sort of help with a pill.  I felt ashamed for doing it, but it is the compromise I made to myself to not get on another SSRI.  I would do whatever it took.   I understand others suffering, they may need to get back on something and try to get off that after stabilizing, I almost did it myself.  But I had come so far, I didn't want to go back, so it made sense to me.  I also found that taking a Claritin in the morning every day for a couple months MAY have helped somewhat.  However, I was having allergy problems, so I wasn't too concerned about taking Claritin (which is much more subtle a pill than Benadryl which will knock you out).   These are little things that may have contributed to my healing, and maybe a coincidence.   

Edited by Toulouse
Adding more details.

Been on Paxil 14 years. 40mg for the bulk of those.

20mg in 2014

10mg March of 2015 - then tapered to 5mg

Then to 2.5 to 1.5 - to 1mg, from Mar-August.

As of August 23 2015, I am flying without a net.  Paxil free!

WD symptoms since tapering mid- 2015:

Short temper, hostile. Brain zaps. Bruxism. Wild vivid dreams  Hives Food intolerance Lump in throat, . Joint pain. Knees, elbows.  Pain in feet. Numbness in hands. Shaking, like I'm cold. Trembling. Tremors, muscle twitches all over. Facial tics. Eye, lips. Head.  Floaters in my eyes. Severe Insomnia (between months 4-5)  then returned from March-October 2016. I'm sleeping better now. Dreams have returned to normal (month 7) High levels of anxiety when around large crowds or in large rooms. Intestinal spasms, heartburn.  Dizzy spells.  Panic/Anxiety Attacks suddenly developed months 8 out.  4 years out, 98% feeling back to normal.  (October 9 2019)

 

 

 

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brassmonkey

Congratulations Toulouse.  It's wonderful to hear that you are able to put it all behind you and move on. That's the true sign of healing.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Armorall

Thank you for posting, Toulouse! Your story is inspirational and wonderful to hear!


3/21/19 started Bupropion XL 150 mg

3/21/19 started Risperidone 2mg

7/7/19 start Abilify half dose 5 mg. discontinue Risperidone

7/9/19 full dose Abilify 10 mg

7/29/19 discontinued Abilify due to panicky side effects

8/2/19 Began Latuda 20 mg

8/5/19 discontinued Latuda due to similar side effects 

8/10/19 discontinued Bupropion after realizing it was causing the insomnia

From 8/10/19 no drugs whatsoever

Currently taking Magnesium 150mgs daily

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Naczoz

Did u have any sexuall side effects like pssd?


01.12.2018 - 01.03.2019 - Took sertraline and than fluvosamine for major depression. 

 

Got SEVERE PSSD (no libido, no erections, pleasureless orgasma, total genital anesthesia, emotional numbness, lost of personality)

 

No wave and windows, no improvement so far. Just lije 1-2% in numbness in first two months post quitting. 

 

Im suicidal because of pssd. I dont believe in recovery since my state didnt improve in any significant way.

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Toulouse
1 hour ago, Naczoz said:

Did u have any sexuall side effects like pssd?

No, I have not had any effects of that nature.   Mine were mostly neurological (anxiety, dizziness, numbness, tingling, muscle twitching, etc).

 

 


Been on Paxil 14 years. 40mg for the bulk of those.

20mg in 2014

10mg March of 2015 - then tapered to 5mg

Then to 2.5 to 1.5 - to 1mg, from Mar-August.

As of August 23 2015, I am flying without a net.  Paxil free!

WD symptoms since tapering mid- 2015:

Short temper, hostile. Brain zaps. Bruxism. Wild vivid dreams  Hives Food intolerance Lump in throat, . Joint pain. Knees, elbows.  Pain in feet. Numbness in hands. Shaking, like I'm cold. Trembling. Tremors, muscle twitches all over. Facial tics. Eye, lips. Head.  Floaters in my eyes. Severe Insomnia (between months 4-5)  then returned from March-October 2016. I'm sleeping better now. Dreams have returned to normal (month 7) High levels of anxiety when around large crowds or in large rooms. Intestinal spasms, heartburn.  Dizzy spells.  Panic/Anxiety Attacks suddenly developed months 8 out.  4 years out, 98% feeling back to normal.  (October 9 2019)

 

 

 

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Toulouse
23 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Congratulations Toulouse.  It's wonderful to hear that you are able to put it all behind you and move on. That's the true sign of healing.

Thank you Brassmonkey, reading your posts over the last few years have also helped me along my way.  I wish you and everyone else here a very speedy and complete recovery.

 

 


Been on Paxil 14 years. 40mg for the bulk of those.

20mg in 2014

10mg March of 2015 - then tapered to 5mg

Then to 2.5 to 1.5 - to 1mg, from Mar-August.

As of August 23 2015, I am flying without a net.  Paxil free!

WD symptoms since tapering mid- 2015:

Short temper, hostile. Brain zaps. Bruxism. Wild vivid dreams  Hives Food intolerance Lump in throat, . Joint pain. Knees, elbows.  Pain in feet. Numbness in hands. Shaking, like I'm cold. Trembling. Tremors, muscle twitches all over. Facial tics. Eye, lips. Head.  Floaters in my eyes. Severe Insomnia (between months 4-5)  then returned from March-October 2016. I'm sleeping better now. Dreams have returned to normal (month 7) High levels of anxiety when around large crowds or in large rooms. Intestinal spasms, heartburn.  Dizzy spells.  Panic/Anxiety Attacks suddenly developed months 8 out.  4 years out, 98% feeling back to normal.  (October 9 2019)

 

 

 

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Ashyy7552

Thanks for sharing your story it is comforting to me as I’m in the first year of withdrawal and suffered a lot so I tried a new drug and had even worse reaction then tried original and couldn’t tolderate it so now I’m back to square one and worse off :( I hope I can recover enough to be able to work as this pain and torment plus worry of paying bills/er visit bills is soo overwhelming. 

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waves12

Thank you for your story and so happy for you that you are doing great now. 

I am 4 years off Ad's and suffer with brutal anxiety everyday and it's got a lot worse over the last 2 years. I feel beaten down with it now. Was your anxiety destroying your life to this degree? I am almost housebound with it now and feeling defeated with very little quality of life. Feel so sad for the loss of who I was,  I came off the meds 4 years ago cold turkey and never been the same since. Perhaps I need to work harder at lifestyle and I would if anxiety wasn't so crippling. I have read your story and see you had anxiety but wondered how bad it was and if you can offer any help surrounding anxiety? Thank you. 

Waves. 


Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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Toulouse
1 hour ago, waves12 said:

Thank you for your story and so happy for you that you are doing great now. 

I am 4 years off Ad's and suffer with brutal anxiety everyday and it's got a lot worse over the last 2 years. I feel beaten down with it now. Was your anxiety destroying your life to this degree? I am almost housebound with it now and feeling defeated with very little quality of life. Feel so sad for the loss of who I was,  I came off the meds 4 years ago cold turkey and never been the same since. Perhaps I need to work harder at lifestyle and I would if anxiety wasn't so crippling. I have read your story and see you had anxiety but wondered how bad it was and if you can offer any help surrounding anxiety? Thank you. 

Waves. 

 

The anxiety was pretty bad.  I was afraid to leave the house, or go for walks, or drive.  But I forced myself to, a form of 'exposure therapy.'  A couple walks with my wife I had to turn around, I would feel dizzy, and then feel like I would faint or die.  I think that helped me, not staying shut in and feeding the anxiety.

Meditation was key in calming my mind. It took 3 months 2x daily 20 mins each of mindfulness meditation along with weekly therapy.   I was so bad the first visit, the therapist was afraid of me.  I was shaking, and a wreck.  She had me do a body scan and that calmed me down there.  She really helped save my life I feel.   I highly recommend meditation and therapy for the anxiety.   Calming the brain.  Then doing things that you find peaceful and joyful,  listening to light music,  aromatic smells, cooking, and practicing mindfulness while you do those things.  Then I did light workouts.  Never anything that would overexcite my body or mind though. So no heavy weights, no fast paced, rock type music.  Try not to overstimulate yourself.   I found that happened easily.  I went to an amusement park and between talking to friends, the lights, the loud music, the crowds, the rides overhead, it was too much for me and I thought I was going to pass out. I left to go home. This was during year 3, when I thought I had made some strides.  I'm sorry you're still suffering this way, I went through a lot of that too.  It did eventually lift over time.  I just tried to remember to take each day at a time and not get too down on myself if I was having a setback.  


Been on Paxil 14 years. 40mg for the bulk of those.

20mg in 2014

10mg March of 2015 - then tapered to 5mg

Then to 2.5 to 1.5 - to 1mg, from Mar-August.

As of August 23 2015, I am flying without a net.  Paxil free!

WD symptoms since tapering mid- 2015:

Short temper, hostile. Brain zaps. Bruxism. Wild vivid dreams  Hives Food intolerance Lump in throat, . Joint pain. Knees, elbows.  Pain in feet. Numbness in hands. Shaking, like I'm cold. Trembling. Tremors, muscle twitches all over. Facial tics. Eye, lips. Head.  Floaters in my eyes. Severe Insomnia (between months 4-5)  then returned from March-October 2016. I'm sleeping better now. Dreams have returned to normal (month 7) High levels of anxiety when around large crowds or in large rooms. Intestinal spasms, heartburn.  Dizzy spells.  Panic/Anxiety Attacks suddenly developed months 8 out.  4 years out, 98% feeling back to normal.  (October 9 2019)

 

 

 

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waves12

Thank you for your speedy response. My thoughts have become so negative now and need help with them. I take on board the mediation too, I will do it for few days then give up and then leave it few weeks then start again so I am going to make a strict commitment to do twice a day for 20 mins. I do try and walk but it's more of a 'hit and run' instead of being present and I notice I am doing this alot instead of being present, very hard to be present with racing mind. 

I sadly don't have a husband or partner to support me and many friends stepped away as they feel helpless and I am not good company.

Would you mind me asking what kind of style of therapist did you have and was it for specific past problems or trauma? You don't need to answer this if too personal but it would help me if you can answer a little bit of it. 

I feel cheated of a life currently. I have a son with two little grandsons and of use to them like this and I am missing out so much. Never imagined life could be this punishing in my 50's now. 

Thank you so much again and would so grateful to you for the last questions. 

Waves 


Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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Toulouse
1 hour ago, waves12 said:

Thank you for your speedy response. My thoughts have become so negative now and need help with them. I take on board the mediation too, I will do it for few days then give up and then leave it few weeks then start again so I am going to make a strict commitment to do twice a day for 20 mins. I do try and walk but it's more of a 'hit and run' instead of being present and I notice I am doing this alot instead of being present, very hard to be present with racing mind. 

I sadly don't have a husband or partner to support me and many friends stepped away as they feel helpless and I am not good company.

Would you mind me asking what kind of style of therapist did you have and was it for specific past problems or trauma? You don't need to answer this if too personal but it would help me if you can answer a little bit of it. 

I feel cheated of a life currently. I have a son with two little grandsons and of use to them like this and I am missing out so much. Never imagined life could be this punishing in my 50's now. 

Thank you so much again and would so grateful to you for the last questions. 

Waves 

mine was a therapist who taught 'mindfulness' meditation and considered a 'life coach,' but in reality, the same as a therapist who handles all sorts of issues, but primary expertise should be in the depression / anxiety arena.   When your mind starts to race, you go back to your breath.   That helped me, but its not like flipping a switch.  But at least it was a tool for me to use.

 


Been on Paxil 14 years. 40mg for the bulk of those.

20mg in 2014

10mg March of 2015 - then tapered to 5mg

Then to 2.5 to 1.5 - to 1mg, from Mar-August.

As of August 23 2015, I am flying without a net.  Paxil free!

WD symptoms since tapering mid- 2015:

Short temper, hostile. Brain zaps. Bruxism. Wild vivid dreams  Hives Food intolerance Lump in throat, . Joint pain. Knees, elbows.  Pain in feet. Numbness in hands. Shaking, like I'm cold. Trembling. Tremors, muscle twitches all over. Facial tics. Eye, lips. Head.  Floaters in my eyes. Severe Insomnia (between months 4-5)  then returned from March-October 2016. I'm sleeping better now. Dreams have returned to normal (month 7) High levels of anxiety when around large crowds or in large rooms. Intestinal spasms, heartburn.  Dizzy spells.  Panic/Anxiety Attacks suddenly developed months 8 out.  4 years out, 98% feeling back to normal.  (October 9 2019)

 

 

 

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Kimboslice

Hi Toulouse,

 

congratulations on recovery.  I hope like you my anxiety is easing at least a little. 19-20 months off and Like you did I’m starting to get pissed off with the feeling of being debilitated, the perpetual ups and downs, anxiety and constant hungover feeling. Despite this, I should acknowledge I have improved a little over the last 5 months or so which is positive. I’m just becoming so impatient with how healinghappens with such little fluidity. Anyway I wanted to ask if you also experienced withdrawal induced stupidity (Such as: cognitive impairment, problems with word recall and articulation), It is by far the symptom I hate most. It’s as though the circuit in the brain has a breakage, it losses power, cuts off and meaning it can’t complete the job it set out to do. If you did experience anything similar, do you think it was interlinked with the type of anxiety you suffered and Hdid It improve as you recovered? 
 

Thanks.

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Toulouse
8 hours ago, Kimboslice said:

Hi Toulouse,

 

congratulations on recovery.  I hope like you my anxiety is easing at least a little. 19-20 months off and Like you did I’m starting to get pissed off with the feeling of being debilitated, the perpetual ups and downs, anxiety and constant hungover feeling. Despite this, I should acknowledge I have improved a little over the last 5 months or so which is positive. I’m just becoming so impatient with how healinghappens with such little fluidity. Anyway I wanted to ask if you also experienced withdrawal induced stupidity (Such as: cognitive impairment, problems with word recall and articulation), It is by far the symptom I hate most. It’s as though the circuit in the brain has a breakage, it losses power, cuts off and meaning it can’t complete the job it set out to do. If you did experience anything similar, do you think it was interlinked with the type of anxiety you suffered and Hdid It improve as you recovered? 
 

Thanks.

It's good that you are seeing some gradual progress.  It was slow for me but the good days were becoming more frequent until they became the norm eventually.  I did have cognitive impairment:  losing my sense of direction while driving was particularly scary, I thought I was getting dementia.  Forgetting names, not remembering faces, or the right word.  That came in waves and went away, however, I find when I am overstressed, I will have some memory issues that might last a couple days.  Just last week that happened to me,  trouble recalling names.  I believe that's actually an anxiety issue because when I do get anxiety this might happen, particularly if I'm not getting sleep because of it.   Last week I've had some anxiety rear its head, but it's expected because of high stress at the job, and stress at home with my kids' e-learning and troubles they are having.   But at least the anxiety has a cause, whereas in WD, the anxiety was just omnipresent.   


Been on Paxil 14 years. 40mg for the bulk of those.

20mg in 2014

10mg March of 2015 - then tapered to 5mg

Then to 2.5 to 1.5 - to 1mg, from Mar-August.

As of August 23 2015, I am flying without a net.  Paxil free!

WD symptoms since tapering mid- 2015:

Short temper, hostile. Brain zaps. Bruxism. Wild vivid dreams  Hives Food intolerance Lump in throat, . Joint pain. Knees, elbows.  Pain in feet. Numbness in hands. Shaking, like I'm cold. Trembling. Tremors, muscle twitches all over. Facial tics. Eye, lips. Head.  Floaters in my eyes. Severe Insomnia (between months 4-5)  then returned from March-October 2016. I'm sleeping better now. Dreams have returned to normal (month 7) High levels of anxiety when around large crowds or in large rooms. Intestinal spasms, heartburn.  Dizzy spells.  Panic/Anxiety Attacks suddenly developed months 8 out.  4 years out, 98% feeling back to normal.  (October 9 2019)

 

 

 

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Kimboslice
On 9/23/2020 at 11:03 PM, Toulouse said:

It's good that you are seeing some gradual progress.  It was slow for me but the good days were becoming more frequent until they became the norm eventually.  I did have cognitive impairment:  losing my sense of direction while driving was particularly scary, I thought I was getting dementia.  Forgetting names, not remembering faces, or the right word.  That came in waves and went away, however, I find when I am overstressed, I will have some memory issues that might last a couple days.  Just last week that happened to me,  trouble recalling names.  I believe that's actually an anxiety issue because when I do get anxiety this might happen, particularly if I'm not getting sleep because of it.   Last week I've had some anxiety rear its head, but it's expected because of high stress at the job, and stress at home with my kids' e-learning and troubles they are having.   But at least the anxiety has a cause, whereas in WD, the anxiety was just omnipresent.   


 

Yeah for sure. it’s better than not having any improvements at all so I shouldn’t grumble. It could be so much worse. Sometimes it’s so difficult to keep prospective in the bad moments and remember your moving forward rather than stagnating. The evidence of improvement actually tends to be more obvious than you think if you just make a little conscious effort to look out for it.
 

Over the last couple of days I’ve been out to the pub with the family and even enjoyed a cheeky pint with minimal repercussion, when 3 months or so ago the social aspect of doing this would have been an unbearable. So it has to be thumbs up I suppose. 

 

I know how you feel having driving difficulties. I for one have always regarded myself as a good driver but after WD’s affects on my cognitive abilities I felt like a liability on the road going from from being a natural behind the wheel to a seriously twitchy, robotic like driver almost overnight. It seriously sucks because I LOVE driving. It’s always been a form of therapy for me in many ways. But hey ho what you gonna do. I’ll have to stay with more conventional forms of therapy for the moment. 

 

Word recall (difficulty finding the right word) frustrates me the most. Being expressive / descriptive in conversation, something that has alway been a natural ability of mine Maybe not in an intellectually, but definitely emotionally / socially, has become a chore. It has to be the part of  withdrawal I consider the most infuriating. Dealing / coming to terms with the loss of little things you identify with as self is such a difficult thing to ingest, kinda like “who the hell am I right now”. 

 

Any who, it’s great news you’ve moved on and symptoms like these are problems of the past. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. It really is comforting.  

 

Just quickly.. gonna ask one more  question if I can. You mentioned your working a stressful job currently. Did you work throughout your withdrawal or have you been able to take on more now your better?

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Toulouse

I did work throughout, but it was much harder and I needed to reduce my work load by at least half. That lasted a good 5 months or so, then slowly I was able to handle more workload.   


Been on Paxil 14 years. 40mg for the bulk of those.

20mg in 2014

10mg March of 2015 - then tapered to 5mg

Then to 2.5 to 1.5 - to 1mg, from Mar-August.

As of August 23 2015, I am flying without a net.  Paxil free!

WD symptoms since tapering mid- 2015:

Short temper, hostile. Brain zaps. Bruxism. Wild vivid dreams  Hives Food intolerance Lump in throat, . Joint pain. Knees, elbows.  Pain in feet. Numbness in hands. Shaking, like I'm cold. Trembling. Tremors, muscle twitches all over. Facial tics. Eye, lips. Head.  Floaters in my eyes. Severe Insomnia (between months 4-5)  then returned from March-October 2016. I'm sleeping better now. Dreams have returned to normal (month 7) High levels of anxiety when around large crowds or in large rooms. Intestinal spasms, heartburn.  Dizzy spells.  Panic/Anxiety Attacks suddenly developed months 8 out.  4 years out, 98% feeling back to normal.  (October 9 2019)

 

 

 

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