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morgana: Zyprexa / olanzapine


morgana

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morgana

thankyou @Rrsfc for the encouragement, we all need it, just to let us know that what we are doing (tapering) isnt a terrible, bad thing to do...and having emotions is not wrong! you sound alot like me...i too was alittle spoilt as a kid, and wasnt able to handle life in the most constructive way, very emotional i was...with the drugs they suppressed my emotions, so to everyone else i was the most calm, stable person there was, but it wasnt me! since tapering i too live mainly on a plant based diet, given up smoking, drinking, and i am starting to feel, good, bad, angry, happy, alive, sad, human, its a good feeling...i was seeing a psychologist who thought because i was feeling so good she thought i was manic...i have never been diagnosed with manic depression, so i stopped seeing her, its as though if i have any too good feelings its bad for me.....i need someone to say its OK to feel! not suppress it with drugs that so many people want you to do. glad to know you will one day continue tapering as its not a bad thing to be our true selves.

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

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Glad to talk about this stuff.  I should stress I'm not a medical professional or anything - more sharing what's been working for me, and hopefully other people can find some use in that on their own

Hi morgana, Did you go to the liquid already?  And did you see Ccat's advice on crossing over, doing a gradual shift from the tablet/pill to liquid?   And okay, I'm seeing that you did

I used to have dissociative problems before I found the right help and sorted out my early traumas, partly what got me put on this drug.  Those did my memory no favours.  I also got messed around by m

Rrsfc

For me being on high dosages of drugs was like wearing a mental strength jacket, I felt depressed and void of all joy, at higher dosages I had akathisia. But the doctors did what they thought was right and I suffered many years. I atribute feeling good now to my diet and exercise, people that don't experience this can't really understand, like your psychologist, don't worry. Especially dark leafy greens give me such a boost in mood and energy I still am in awe of it. I noticed some changes in mood when I tapered from 2,5mg but they were not that significant, I was over excited, trying to psyche myself I was going to get off. It was the wrong attitude, the right is what I am developing now. More of a let's do this but it's not a goal, just an experience in which I have to be really cautious. Being spoilt is awful, I didn't develop my emotions and boundaries correctly and couldn't really empathise with others, I am trying to correct this now ate 43 years old. 😂😂 Seems a little weird, but I guess it's never too late. You mentioned having found a job, good for you, how is it going? 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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morgana

i agree @Rrsfc, a healthy life style is the only thing i think keeping me alive...english spinach is awesome, it gives me a really calm feeling when i eat it. i also agree high dosages of zyprexa made me feel "blah", is the only way to describe how i felt.  Now i am beginning to feel....and it feels amazing, thou i still got a long way to go...I decided not to take that job and went on a disability pension instead. my stress levels were sky rocketing because i wasnt sleeping and i was worried about keeping to a strict time table....i realised i would not be able to do it, so i decided i would concentrate on healing, no stress, follow a sleep routine, eat healthy, exercise and its helping alot...i do volunteer work in some gardens weeding, but no paid work..and i am glad, it takes the pressure off...I must admit it can be alittle dis-heartening when you do everything right and still find problems with sleep...but on the whole not sleeping properly really isnt bothering me as i do not have to worry about work.. i keep a symptom diary and a food and sleep diary where i write down every thing, it helps me to see what i can improve, i find some foods make me sleep better than others, i found when i made an ajustment on my medication, i notice a real change in my sleep, which than affects my mood and mental health....i really recommend it, it also impresses psychologists, because they cannot believe how detailed it is...although i am not going to waste my time on them anymore, i might just see a counsellor someone who will listen and not judge me and label me like psychologists do..so yeah i agree maybe just doing it on our own is best if we do not get the support from professionals

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

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I am really proud of you, it seems you have achieved so much already and I believe you have all the building bricks to a great future. A job can be really stressing, I had to quit my career and now only work part-time in a less demanding job so I can focus on me. My anxiety levels skyrocketed in the past because of interpersonal relationships at work, it can be unbearable and take us to the edge. I am really glad you have access to that pension while you are healing, you deserve it. I really like your attitude and your focus on getting better, I am like you too, once I started taking action I never gave up. My psychiatrist doesn't think mood has anything to do with diet or exercise 🙄, at least he never talked about it just gave me meds, my psychologists cheer my improvements but I don't believe they give full credit to my effords. You just need to find someone human that can listen to you and doesn't judge, someone who truly cares and that's all you really need. No one is going to do the work you did on yourself for you, I am pretty sure that if you continue this path you will be successful. In 2017 I never thought I'd be where I am today, if someone told me I wouldn't have believed it. I am now interested in dialetical behaviour therapy, I have a subscription that gives me access to a lot of books. I'm interested in learning how to deal with my emotions. I did a mindfulness training last year and I meditate, but I am going to make some changes to my meditation sessions this year. I just focus on what I want to learn and I study it, adapt it to my needs, and that's how I have been moving forward. I prefer books rather than specialist, a lot more affordable and comprehensive. Last year I was convinced I was going to get better if I got off the meds and I was very obsessive about it, now I just think I have other ways to feel good. Getting off the drugs is just another step, it may or may not happen. My go to dark greens are collard greens, spinach is high in oxalates so I don't eat much of it. I read Dr. Greger's books and I learned a lot from it. It was nice finding you in this forum, we seem to have a lot in common. I will be here to encourage you if you need it. For now I think you are doing great, you must be really proud of yourself and feel grateful for all you have acomplished! Hope you have a wonderful day! 🌱🌿💪

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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morgana

thankyou  @Rrsfc for your support, kind words and encouragement....Doctors only want to hand out pills, i believe our mental health starts with our gut...if our gut is healthy usually the rest of us are also....i know if i dont eat properly i become really moody, angry, hyper, sad, cry..i really notice the difference in my mood which is why i write down everything i eat.  I think you are doing pretty good also, you have come along way, reduction in medication, educating yourself, changing your behavior, still working...i just couldnt do it... i really agree with you on work...i always found that it wasnt the actual work i was doing that was stressful it was dealing with the people, like you say, all the crap that goes with it, is very stressful and i found because of that i chose jobs that didnt involve being around many people...just caused too many strong emotions in me, that yeah can tip you over the edge!  i find i need to stay away from people or situations that cause me to over react...which is why i need to do what your doing...learn how to deal with my behaviors is a constructive way..i have heard of "dialectal behavioral therapy" but do not know anything about it really...how does it help you? i thought you needed to see a psychologist in order to do it! do you do it...just by reading books?  

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

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I have a bagkground in psychology so I am comfortable with the subject and I just read the books, some are intended for professionals other for lay person. I learn a lot of tricks and skills this way. Dialectical behaviour therapy is a mix from western cognitive behaviour therapy and mindfulness, it's target is emotion regulation. It's recommended in borderline and bipolar disorder. I haven't gone much farther than this but it seems promising. I can't find a trained professional in the field so I learn this way. Sonetimes the books are boring, but I do it at my own pace. I'm listening to an audiobook at the moment and I take notes at the same time, it fits my schedule. I always loved to read and learn new things. My job is not demanding and people are very tolerant with me, otherwise I couldn't do it. But I am getting better, maybe in time I can do other things. For now I need to regulate my emotions and train myself to function better in social settings. 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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morgana

hi @Rrsfc, so you say your background is psychology, does that make you a psychologist?...what your reading sounds like what i need to read, i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but the last two psychologists i saw said they think i see everything in black and white, and i looked it up and borderliners see in black and white eg. all or nothing...i know i need to change the way i interact with people, i am over sensitive and take what people say to me personally....i feel i never learnt how to deal with my emotions in a mature way...it sounds silly at 50 years old to be saying i need to basically grow up....but there is so much pain to deal with inside, no wonder its sometimes easier to just take a pill and not deal with it!  

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

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I studied some Psychology in college. You can try and find some self-help books, there is a larger offer of these this days. I believe people can change if they are willing to make the efford, it's never too late. 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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morgana

hi @Rrsfc i have a couple of books on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but i find just reading about it doesnt help, i guess i just am not ready to change myself to try and be something i am not!..i find these books want us to just be so rational in our thinking and not believe in our own intuition.  I remember saying to my pycologist, that you just "know" when someone doesnt like you, doesnt want to include you, so you move on, but he was trying to say "no" how do you "know"that is just a feeling it is not a fact and that you cannot trust your feelings...well i do not agree with that, trusting your intuition i think is what alot people naturally use to get out of a situation that is bad...its a gut instinct and i believe in it.  A doctor tells you to take a pill because they think you need it...but you just feel inside without fact that maybe it isnt a good idea, i think i would rather trust my gut feeling "a knowing" and not take it from now on! so maybe i am just not ready to accept Pychologolists ways of thinking just yet...maybe in the future but not yet...but i hope it works for you thou and seems to be... 

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

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Well, I had benefits from cognitive therapy and mindfulness. I find when I react to something emotionally my emotions seem so right at that moment but as time passes I think differently. I definetely think they are not facts and I try to explore the meanings but I do not think of them as true, they're a means of communication. When I am hurt I get mean and defensive, I over react, I am trying to fix these issues. If I acted out my emotions I wouldn't be able to get along with people at all 😜. It's not easy, if it where there were no mental issues. Each of us has our own path, we have to find what works best for us. 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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morgana

yes very true @Rrsfc we do need to find what works for us, and as we are all individuals, all with our different personalities we need to find what method of therapy works for us the best..and i am really happy you have found what works for you the best....i am still in the process of looking and finding what best suits me...at present how i deal with my strong emotions is: 1. eating heathly helps with my mood swings 2. doing some kind of exercise helps 3. practacing sleep hygiene 4.reducing stress levels 5. removing myself from anything or anyone who causes me emotional distress...i than reflect on how/why it hurt me and write it down and give it to the person to read and leave....its probably not the most effective way but at present it works for me...i am not a violent person so i do not react that way, but we are all different and as you say we need to find what works for us.  I enjoy our conversations it makes me think and analyse myself...thankyou!

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

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I like talking to you too. I also do everything you say in points 1-5, when I have a strong emotion I get this inner voice, I call it my indignation firefighter (based on internal family systens therapy) and it goes on to say (in my head) to the person that hurt me everything it wants, I analyse the situation in my head endlessly, sometimes more than a week. During this period I have to be very careful to exercise, take chamomile tea, eat right. Eventually it fades and at this point I kind of integrated the emotion/situation. I am going to work on this process. Before I would just feel sad, anxious, depressed and cry and bottle it all up. This is healthier, but still not ideal. When the process is over I can talk to the person, the hurt is better or gone, because I understand the situation from not only my angle but hers too. My understanding is very differwnt when the situation happens and after this process, so I am careful to stay away from the person untill it's completed. Hope this makes sense to you 😂😂. That's why I adhere to the thoughts and emotions are not facts theory. 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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morgana

that sounds like a very positive way to deal with things @Rrsfc, i also think about the situation for upto a week or two but i am not very good at talking and so i write it down and give it to them and leave them to process it...as i get too emotional talking i end up not saying what i truly want to get across so i write in an assertive way in plain language so they understand me...but yes it is similar to the way you do it...maybe i too am doing exactly what you are reading about but just not aware that it is called something, i just go on how i feel i need to express myself...i sometimes believe the reason i become angry over something is because i feel i am not being heard by talking so i write it down for them and so its there for them to see, it also removes me from from the situation, i guess its part protective of both me and the other person...because as my emotions can be strong, i would never want to hurt someone....it sounds like you have done alot of work on yourself...on how to better yourself...well done....i have done little on bettering myself socially, i am still trying to fix my psyical self from all the damage this drug has done to me eg joint pains, insomonia, stomach pains, dry eyes, cramps, memory loss, keeping my cholestrol levels low, trying not to get diabetes, weight gain, body stiffness, akathesia, i wont go on..at the sametime having to deal with menopause...not fun...lol

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

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I am really sorry you are suffering as much, I know how it feels like, it kind of drains our energy. A lot of issues you talk about I fixed with my plant based eating, I followed dr. Greger's free app, the daily dozen and used cronometer.com to track nutrition and calories. For weight loss enhancement I take apple cider vinegar (2 teaspoons on 500ml water, it has to be well diluted) 3x a day before my main meals. I turned it into a smoothy: the vinegar, water, a slice of pinneaple, a pinch of powdered ginger and 2 leaves of collard greens or kale. I blend it and drink it, my Dr. G juice I call it. I also get my greens in in a delicious way 😋. The vinegar activates the fat burning enzyme ampk that is deactivated by olanzapine. I learned that from dr. Greger too, what a wonderful thing to find out. For cholesterol use flaxseed meal (2 table spoons) and amla powder (1 teaspoon) a day, eating oats helps too. Check out nutritionfacts.org to know more. I have that issue too, hopefully my blood work is normal now with the amla adding. I find the need to exercise a lot, in the morning and in the evening, even on weekends, that is also really helpful. I walk, jog, dance and do yoga. I do my own thing, don't really care if others think it's too much and it's working. Don't get discouraged, you can do it, I believe in you! 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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This book helped me a lot, I listened to the audio version and she has a soothing very nice voice, it was a plus. I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to develop self-compassion, and we all need it in my opinion. (kristin neff self-compassion) https://images.app.goo.gl/RVe4WJTi2ZsCVMRXA

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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I was reading about AMPK and I found this article. It actually is the activation of AMPK that increases apetite, so vinegar deactivates it, just wanted to clarify that. 

 

https://eje.bioscientifica.com/view/journals/eje/176/5/R235.xml

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

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morgana

hi @Rrsfc thankyou for the support and encouragment, have just woken up, give me time to look and read the information links you have provided, thankyou i appreciate it...i will get back to you and let you know how they work...cheers have a wonderful day! 

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

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morgana

Hi @Rrsfc how you going thankyou for the links you gave me i really enjoyed watching them on Youtube...Dr Gregers is quite a funny man, i am looking at buying his book as well as Kristen Neff's.  I have never really thought about it, but showing compassion towards myself would be a huge step forward for me.....i have never really felt that i deserved it...always told i needed to increase my self esteem but that wasnt what i needed it, its compassion as i know i am suffering!  i went to the two book stores near where i live but they do not have any, so i will need to order over the internet..which books (written) not audio, would you recommend for my first books on each Authors?  Kristen Neffs has written alot of books so i do not know which to choose first!  Any suggestions would be appreciated...cheers!  How have you been?  hope you had a wonderful week...and thankyou for telling me about these people..cheers morgana

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

Link to post

Hi, I'm doing well thank you 😊. I'm glad you liked the links. From Dr. Greger you can read "how not to die", from Dr. Neff "Self-compassion", I sent you the link to the cover in my previous post. Why don't you set up a scribd account? These will be included in your membership and you can choose between audio or written and many other books. You can benefit from a free trial period and cancel anytime. Hope this helps, glad to see you moving forward! Have a nice day. 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, cutting pills Nov 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - olzp 2,5 water taper by 2,5% 1,9mg (september) 45 days at 5mg, now at 2,5mg (28.10)

 

Link to post
morgana

thankyou @Rrsfc i will read them both thankyou

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

Link to post
NNhope

Hi@morgana hope you are doing well. I was wondering since your long hold, has some of your symptom settled a bit?

2013-2018 dxm and alcohol abused

Feb-2020 40mg adderall, 20 mg paroxetine

Jun-2020 15mg olanzapine, 30mg paroxetine, 40mg adderall

Dec-2020 CT everything

Mar-22-2021 10mg olanzapine, 100mg trazadone, 300mg ×2 trileptal

April-25- 2021 CT olanzapine and trazadone

Apirl-29-2021 reinstated 5mg olanzapine

Apirl 29-Current- 5mg olanzapine

Mar 22-current 300mg ×2 trileptal

 

 

Link to post
morgana

hi @NNhope welcome to the forum, i wished i could say yes my symptoms have reduced however i cannot as some get better i end up getting new ones...my problem now is my temperture regulation, i have extreme hot, burning skin episodes(not sure if its just peri-menopause or not) and now i am allergic to anything i put on my skin...i had never had allergies in the past before until now....and i still experience an inability to sleep all the time..i have rushed my tapering way too fast and so as a consquence i have had terrible symptoms.  i need to hold for alot longer now until my sleep improves alot....i tend to make changes as soon as my sleep improves  which isnt a good idea, i need to sit for alot longer inbetween changes...i learnt my lesson..my suggestion to you is read, read, read, before you ask questions as its usually already somewhere explained....read the sleep hygeine suggestions by people, cut out coffee (sorry), and learn patience....good luck and welcome morgana 

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

Link to post
NNhope

@morgana I hope your sleep improves soon. I also feel like my skin is more sensitive to breaking out, especially on my face.

2013-2018 dxm and alcohol abused

Feb-2020 40mg adderall, 20 mg paroxetine

Jun-2020 15mg olanzapine, 30mg paroxetine, 40mg adderall

Dec-2020 CT everything

Mar-22-2021 10mg olanzapine, 100mg trazadone, 300mg ×2 trileptal

April-25- 2021 CT olanzapine and trazadone

Apirl-29-2021 reinstated 5mg olanzapine

Apirl 29-Current- 5mg olanzapine

Mar 22-current 300mg ×2 trileptal

 

 

Link to post
morgana

hi @NNhope i just read your intro, you havnt been on zyprexa for too long which is good, your lucky you found this site early on taking your pych meds i only found it after taking pych meds for 23 years and so didnt even know tappering was such as thing!  I have been getting sores on my face for about 1 year now, I  normally have very clear skin, only a month ago all my sores dissappeard and thought yes finally, but then they came back with a vengence...i have been on meds for 24 years i think my body is going through quite alot inside....and i guess when its not doing well it shows up on our skin.. 

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

Link to post
BadMedicine

Hi @morgana. I too have bad skin. I’ve never had acne ever in my life and now my forehead is terrible. I also thought mine had gone but it’s come back as bad as it’s ever been. This process is so demoralising.

 

 

 

Sept 2018 - Nov 2018 200mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine. 

Nov 2018 - Jan 2018 200mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jan 2019 - mid Feb 2019 reduced sertraline from 200 - 50mg, 7.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Feb 2019- Jun 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jun 2019 - Oct 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine.

Oct 2019 - Nov 2019 37.gmg sertraline, 39mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine.

Nov 2019 -Dec 2019 25mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine. Jan 2020 18.75mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Feb 2020 0mg sertraline, 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May 2020 1.8mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Aug 2020 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Link to post
morgana

Hi @BadMedicine, so true.  I have been seeing a skin specialist for the last 20 years as i need to get my moles checked as they turn cancerous, and i am suppose to see him every 6 months, but hadnt seen him for quite a while. 4 months ago i saw him and he asked about the sores on my face, he doesnt know why either, he said their is no point giving me antiboitics for them as they are not infected...i just explained i think they are from withdrawal of the medication i am on..i thought maybe they were from drinking soy milk but even if i do not drink it, i still get them..

I also tried the pure water last night, didnt work for me....only slept 1 hr out of laying in bed for 11 hours straight...however the night before i did get 10 hrs sleep...changing the method eg slowly switching over to water, i find is no different to just cutting a quarter off the pill and only taking 3/4 solid tablet..i think i would still experience the same bad effects...i didnt sleep for 22 days and all i did was change to  taking 1/4 in liquid form...i have been on another site and they do not change over to water, they all shave their zyprexa tablets...  

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

Link to post
BadMedicine

Hi @morgana. Wow 11 weeks without sleep. How did you manage.? You are very strong to get through that. It really does sound like you are not getting an effective dose from the dissolved portion of the pill. Sorry the pure water did not work for you. Maybe it’s worth switching to another method. I know someone else on this site who also had problems switching to liquid. Can’t remember who it is. They crush their tablets then put the powder in a fold of paper and measure the length of the powder and subtract the amount needed for a 10% reduction. Might be wise if you change your method to not go back to the full 2.5mg dose though as you may have inadvertently gone down to half already (which is a bright side) to this horrific process.

 

Sept 2018 - Nov 2018 200mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine. 

Nov 2018 - Jan 2018 200mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jan 2019 - mid Feb 2019 reduced sertraline from 200 - 50mg, 7.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Feb 2019- Jun 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jun 2019 - Oct 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine.

Oct 2019 - Nov 2019 37.gmg sertraline, 39mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine.

Nov 2019 -Dec 2019 25mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine. Jan 2020 18.75mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Feb 2020 0mg sertraline, 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May 2020 1.8mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Aug 2020 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Link to post
BadMedicine

Sorry just realised it was 22 days you didn’t sleep for - not 11 weeks. Got confused with your 11 hours in bed. Still that is a massive amount of time with no sleep. Well done for getting through it and not caving and going back on the solid tablet.

 

Sept 2018 - Nov 2018 200mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine. 

Nov 2018 - Jan 2018 200mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jan 2019 - mid Feb 2019 reduced sertraline from 200 - 50mg, 7.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Feb 2019- Jun 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jun 2019 - Oct 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine.

Oct 2019 - Nov 2019 37.gmg sertraline, 39mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine.

Nov 2019 -Dec 2019 25mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine. Jan 2020 18.75mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Feb 2020 0mg sertraline, 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May 2020 1.8mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Aug 2020 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Link to post
hayduke

I guess all I could add to this is that I had been on a steady dosage at 5mg for quite a long time when I crossed over to water titration, and when I did it was no more disruptive than a small cut.

 

When I got to 2.5 I just took the tablet again for 5 or 6 months for convenience.  Crossing back to water again easy, the same as the time before.

 

The other thing I'd note is that the volume of water you're putting the tablet in made a noticeable difference as well, about the same as solid to water.  You might do better with a smaller base volume of water, it felt stronger when I reduced the volume below 100ml for a higher concentration.

 

I started with 100 or more which was excessive.  Then used 50ml for a lot of it, now 25ml for some time.  I'll stick with 25ml with the 2.5mg tab, because the maths is so easy - just move the decimal point 🙂

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

I am not a health professional - your actions are your own

 

Backdrop:  10mg olanzapine 2003-06.  3mg risperidone 2006-2014.  Abortive x-taper to aripiprazole Dec 2014, back to 10mg olanzapine after 3 weeks.

2015:  10 -> 7 1/2 -> 6 2/3 -> 5mg olanzapine using pill cutter

2018:  Finer taper liquid suspension 5mg to 2.5 Mar-Aug and hold

2019: Jan 2.5 | Eostre EMDR@2.1mg | Jul 1.625 | Oct 1.3

2020: Jan 1.214 | Apr 0.88 | July 0.69 | Oct 0.525

2021: Jan EMDR@0.44 | Apr 0.38 | June 0.30

"Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you"  -- KMFDM

Link to post
morgana

Hi @BadMedicine, i do not know about my body not accepting the liquid method as after the 22 days (not all no sleep, some were shallow dreamy sleeps for 3 or 4 hours), but after 22 days i was back to sleeping 7 or 8 hr straight quite deep sleeps for 3 weeks before i changed to 1/2 and 1/2.  This time i havnt gotten back to 7 or 8 hr deep sleeps again.  ever since i got my braces off my teeth (around the same time i switched to 1/2 n 1/2)my sleep has been really poor...they used glue to keep wire attached to my teeth, i have to wear uncomfortable retainers in my mouth at night, and i had my teeth bleached every day for a week..so many chemicals in my body...my body has says thats enough...at the moment i do not go into a deep sleep, my sleeps are broken and am having very trippy vivid dreams when i do fall into a sleep....hoping one day i will get my 8 hr deep, relaxed sleep back...until then i will not change again!

 

Hi @hayduke, how you going, i am only using 10mls of water, 5mls(1 tsp) for each quarter i use, eventually adding up to 20mls and than i was going to add an extra 5mls to make up 25mls and stop there once the whole 2.5mg tablet is diluted...

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

Link to post
NNhope

@morgana, I use eczema lotion for the rash on my face and that tends to help.

 

I dont feel very lucky because I dont know how I'm going to taper down anymore without getting bad anxiety and restlessness but being at this dose make me feel dull. Since the CT then reinstatement, I am scared of trying to go any lower.

2013-2018 dxm and alcohol abused

Feb-2020 40mg adderall, 20 mg paroxetine

Jun-2020 15mg olanzapine, 30mg paroxetine, 40mg adderall

Dec-2020 CT everything

Mar-22-2021 10mg olanzapine, 100mg trazadone, 300mg ×2 trileptal

April-25- 2021 CT olanzapine and trazadone

Apirl-29-2021 reinstated 5mg olanzapine

Apirl 29-Current- 5mg olanzapine

Mar 22-current 300mg ×2 trileptal

 

 

Link to post
WordsinOrbit

Hi Morgana,

 

When I went into hospital first, it was standard procedure to put people on sleep medication whether they had sleep issues or not. I think it was to do with ward management and patients not interrupting each other's sleep. Some people had enforced sleep. Thankfully, it was in another hospital that I got taken off that stuff Zopiclone but when I am suffering my fears include not being able to sleep. Last Monday I had reduce Lexapro 10mgs to 5mgs. The week has been difficult complicated by the fact that my pet has gotten sick and there are various issues around her treatment. Our health system over here has been hacked and has been shut down for the last two weeks and people's medical information has been stolen - this could be ruinous for a lot of people. I am between stages in root canal treatment and am experiencing dental pain on and off. There was an issue which I thought had been resolved only to find it hasnt. So cumulatively I am up against it. In the last four days I've gotten minimal sleep to none in two of them. Back in the day prior to meds in the asylums, it was noted that manic patients who went for very long periods without sleep ought to have been shrivelled up wrecks but when they recovered they showed no indication that their health had been affected by lack of sleep. When I don't sleep my cognitive issues worsen and behind my fear of insomnia is a fear of a mental breakdown and hospitalisation. If your experience with Zyprexa has chemically impaired your ability to drift off, be patient. Even if you feel you got no sleep, you may have drifted off for a few minutes. People have often reported in sleep studies that they got no sleep when they got a few minutes here and there. I don't know the biological ins and outs of the recuperative value of sleep, for me I just need lose my conscious attention on things for the duration of my sleep and I find that necessary. I said my cognitive issues worsen but when related back to poor sleep the preceding night they lose their edge. Lying in the bed with all sorts of thoughts and sensations in the dark isn't nice but I counter it not by hoping for sleep now but maybe tomorrow night. If a person has had trouble sleeping for years, the conclusion may be that lack of sleep though a good night's sleep would be more comfortable and desirable, is not actually dangerous to health. My cognitive issues improve following sleep but I don't believe them dangerous even when I have them. I am not an expert or a sleep doctor but if you pin all your hopes on getting sleep this very night, you may put such a pressure on yourself that sleep might go out the window. For me, the long game works best because I don't worry about it intensely each and every time my head hits the pillow. Whether it will always be like that during this process I cannot say but I haven't used sleeping tablets for 18 years.

 

1993/1994: Seroxat, Lithium Camcolit, Melleril 1994: Prozac, Lithium, Stelazine

1995: Respiridone, Lithium, Effexor 1998: Olanzepine, Lithium, Lustral

2001: Seroquel, Lithium, Lustral, Largactil

2003: Respiridone Consta, Lithium, Lexapro, Ativan, Rivotril

2005: Seroquel, Xanax then back to Respiridone, Lithium and Lexapro

2016: Abilify 5mgs (discontinued after 2 weeks), cross tritation of Lamictal 300mgs  in lieu of Lithium, Respiridone 5mgs

2018/2019 Respiridone reduced by 1mg every 3-6mths. Started Olanzepine 10 mgs in Dec. 2020 due to hyperprolactinemia

Discontinued anti-psychotic medication in Feb. 2021 after successive reductions of 2.5mgs over two months.

2020: Lamictal reduced from 300mgs to 200mgs in 50 mg reductions over six months. 

19/05/2021: Began tapering Lexapro 10mgs to 9mgs on the basis of the 10% of previous month's dose.

 

Link to post
morgana

hi @NNhope, i never ever use to get eczema, i only get it in my ears for some reason, i find when i eat too much, my body i think finds it all too hard to digest and i end up with eczema in my ears....only a theory, just an observation i notice when i get it...lol

 

I understand where your coming from with tappering, being scared to start and yes, anxiety goes through the roof, even when you have nothing to worry about in life....it is difficult i know, but you just need to plan ahead before hand, i find  writing everything down in a table, helps you identify anything that is causing the restlessness and anxiety and so you can change it and make things alittle easier on yourself.

 

i will attach my tables what i fill in every day to show as an example, it gives me knowledge about myself  and to remember things as my memory is really bad and i have a tendancy to over exsaggerate things...let me know if it is something that you may find useful...as preparing takes alot of fear out of it and gives you courage to move forward....remember read as many stories as you can on this site, follow a strict sleep routine and know you are doing everything you can in order to reduce your anxiety and restlessness....cheers morganaApril symptom table 2021.docx    april food and sleep table 2021.docx

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

Link to post
morgana

hi @WordsinOrbit nice to meet you, sounds like you have been through the system for as long as i have...i lost my job and was depressed i was put on Zoloft for depression, i lost the plot on that ****...thought i was on a mission from God...(had never even been to church in my life...lol), anyway they forced me to take the anti-depressant which made me hullicinate which they they then decided i was schizo effective..voluntary and law enforced stays in Mental Hospital, threatened if i didnt take my medication, i would go to the Big Institution or threatened with Electric Convolsive Therapy....i didnt like the thought i either so i learnt my lesson and took my medication, did what i was told, stayed out of hospital, worked like a work-holic, but new deep inside i was dead...no feelings, no thoughts, constantly having to move, restlessness, inability to have a relationship, i was a robot, did not talk much, could no longer dance which i use to enjoy, i use to enjoy drawing...havnt drawn since being on medication (1996), use to sing along with songs i heard on the radio...i am unable to remember the lines or quick enough to keep up with the words being sung...basically i was dead...so i drank and smoked like a chimney...just needed to continually put something in my mouth...didnt know why..even tho on the whole i no longer drink, apart from low periods where i pick up for 2 or 3 weeks, end up in stomach pain and realise this isnt working...i do now feel i am beginning to feel more like myself again......little by little, beginning to feel more connected to my body....still do not think, mind is usually blank and when i do think its usally something that annoys me...at the moment its cats...lol, but i havnt given up, i may for a couple of weeks and then i say "no", i need to keeping going forward, i want to know if i can ever be med free and if i can, can i survive like normal people without being dependant on it...i also sometimes become fearful, that i may do something wrong and end up back in the mental hospital and forced meds again...absolutetly terrified of it...and i know if i was ever forced into that position again i would top myself, as that was not a life, they took my spirit, soul and my uniqueness away from me, my humaness...they should be shot...

Diagnosed with Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizo-effective Disorder. 

Cipramil  40mg  1996 to October 2017 stopped cold turkey

Zyprexa 10mg solid form  1996 to October 2017

Zyprexa 7.5mg solid form  October 2017 to October 2019

Zyprexa 5mg solid form  October 2019 to April 2020

Zyprexa 3.75mg solid form April 2020 to May 2020

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid form  May 2020 to feb 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg solid 3/4 and 1/4 liquid w/ 5mls water 6th Feb 2021 to 2nd April 2021

Zyprexa 2.5mg 1/2 solid and 1/2 liquid w/10mls water 3rd April to present 2021

Supplements: fish oil, Magnesium 

 

 

Link to post
WordsinOrbit

Hi Morgana,

 

Lovely to meet you. Involuntary hospitalisation they say is necessary for people to "get well" but I experienced it like an actual incarceration. Police (although I did nothing wrong), Lock up, "Low stimulation environment" which essentially was a room. Other very disturbed patients. All these ideas, and even the idea of recovery now is like doublethink, George Orwell's 1984 and the infamous Ministry of Love. Like you, it cowed me into submission. I stayed out of hospital too and worked hard. Laura Delano describes it as being "a breathing ghost" which is a perfect description of the state she was reduced to. A lot of what the meds were doing for me was holding down iatrogenic injury and psychiatric-induced terror. On top of that I was labeled "paranoid" over the fallout of being threatened in work. I was gas-lighted for four years by a mental health professional and I went down, down, down, down. They operate by triggering people and particularly since they have access to your records it is a diabolical thing to do. It's basically about control or "domination in the guise of service" but the effects can cause people ultimately to kill themselves. In 27 years of being labeled I have only come across this once but an individual like this is extremely dangerous particularly if you take steps to get them removed from your case, then they will do anything to prove how unwell you are, how distorted your thinking is, and that they were right all along. They will basically try to convince you and your medical team that you are out of touch with reality, deluded etc. But whose reality? The amount of cortisol that got produced in my system, the doubting and invalidation of my experience, this person was in an abuser's paradise. If anyone knows what this is like, they'll know why Laura Palmer screams at the end of Twin Peaks. I don't like cats too much either:) And my brain is fried, "I can't be left alone with my imagination" as Kate Bush put it one of her songs. In a way, this process is an apprenticeship in learning to live again with its stresses, ups and downs, tragedies and joy without drugs. Getting off drugs is one thing but to learn to live without them is another. This transition is scary. Self-blame is strong in people like us but we have to allow ourselves the right to make mistakes and not beat ourselves up. The people who know what mental health is us, the people who have had it taken away. Forget "normality", it doesn't exist although peer pressure and group-think does. We've been trained away from our intuition, our truth, our knowledge about what is best for us. Bosch said "There are two types of truth - the one you carry inside which you know is true and the one outside that can be manipulated by others out of self-interest". We are suckers for reassurance but words alone never really helped me, I don't know about you? And the more we need it, it's like a drug in its own right. But this site, coming from people who have experience, is a Godsend and a life-saver, I am sure of it. We need each other here, its as simple as that. In 1984, they tried to convince Winston that 2+2 = 5 through torture but after his ordeal, it eventually came back to him that 2+2=4. This is the very basis of our reasoning, philosophers call it the principle of non-contradiction. You are reasoning perfectly. As for punishing them? "The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice" - Martin Luther King. One day they will have to account for themselves before God and the people who knew what they were doing to us with full knowledge will simply fall away like smoke. Leave it to a higher power, concentrate on being kind and gentle to yourself. When you know something, you just know, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. I am preaching what I need to hear as well. The real dark in this life is when terrible things are considered acceptable and offered as normal. Please let me know how you're getting on.

 

1993/1994: Seroxat, Lithium Camcolit, Melleril 1994: Prozac, Lithium, Stelazine

1995: Respiridone, Lithium, Effexor 1998: Olanzepine, Lithium, Lustral

2001: Seroquel, Lithium, Lustral, Largactil

2003: Respiridone Consta, Lithium, Lexapro, Ativan, Rivotril

2005: Seroquel, Xanax then back to Respiridone, Lithium and Lexapro

2016: Abilify 5mgs (discontinued after 2 weeks), cross tritation of Lamictal 300mgs  in lieu of Lithium, Respiridone 5mgs

2018/2019 Respiridone reduced by 1mg every 3-6mths. Started Olanzepine 10 mgs in Dec. 2020 due to hyperprolactinemia

Discontinued anti-psychotic medication in Feb. 2021 after successive reductions of 2.5mgs over two months.

2020: Lamictal reduced from 300mgs to 200mgs in 50 mg reductions over six months. 

19/05/2021: Began tapering Lexapro 10mgs to 9mgs on the basis of the 10% of previous month's dose.

 

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