Itsm: introducing myself, I really need help

[Istm]

Hi, I’m new hear, I’m sorry if I have any gramatical errors, my native language isn’t English. I’m 18 years old female, I started sertraline at 14 and was been on and off sertraline (I used it total for about 2-3 years) I started when I was 14 and Stopped at 17. My last dose was about 4 months ago and I was on sertraline for 4 months (50 mg I think). I stopped because I learned about pssd. However I don’t think I tappered correctly. I didn’t knew how to. I’m now battling with pssd, a really severe depression, really severe derealization, brain fog, and I’m really suicidal. I don’t know what to do, I’m really really bad mentally and I’m desperate for help, for someone to bring hope to my life, but I don’t want to go with a psychiatrist, should I go with a therapist/ psychologist? I’m extremely depressed and derealized and can’t stop thinking about killing myself. (I’m not sure if I can talk about this here, but I really need help). I just want some hope about pssd, I’ve read here that pssd is just like any withdrawal symptom, it can take years to get better but it will improve and I really wish this happens, I also really wish to be myself again and not want desperately  to die. 

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Istm.  I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

 

To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.  Please include how fast you tapered, the amount of your last dose and the date of your last dose.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

You are experiencing withdrawal from a fast taper of Sertraline.  The symptoms you describe are typical withdrawal symptoms.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

Our experience with withdrawal symptoms, including PSSD, is that they improve with time.  We can't predict how long will take.  Time is the healer, and our experience indicates that you will heal

 

A psychiatrist will put you on more drugs.  That's what they do.  A psychologist or therapist would be a good idea.  If you can find a therapist who is familiar with antidepressant withdrawal, that would be helpful.  

 

If you are really feeling suicidal, you need to seek out local help, and speak to someone trained in dealing with this.  Are there any groups locally that you can access?  See:  For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal  I am sorry that you are feeling so desperate.  Here is one suicide hotline in Mexico that I found.  You can also Google Mexico suicide hotline.

 

Mexico
Hotline: 525-510-2550
Programa Salvemos Una Vida - 9453777
SAPTEL - 018004727835

 

One possibility for relief is reinstatement.  Reinstatement of a very small dose of the original drug is the only known way to help alleviate withdrawal syndrome.  The only other alternative is to try and wait out the symptoms and manage as best you can until your central nervous system returns to homeostasis.  Unfortunately no one can give you an exact timeline as to when you will start feeling better and while some do recover relatively easily, for others it can take many months or longer.  

 

Reinstatement isn't a guarantee of diminished symptoms for everyone but it's the best tactic available.  At four months since your last dose, you're just outside the time period where reinstatement predictably works, which is up to 3 months after last dose.  We usually suggest a much smaller reinstatement dose than your last dose.  These drugs are strong, and when reinstating it is better to start with a small amount and increase if symptoms remain unbearable. Your system has become sensitized and If you take too much it may be too much for your brain.  Once you've stabilized on the reinstated dosage, which can take several months,  you can begin a 10% per month taper down to zero.   Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Please read:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

If you're interested in reinstating a very small dose of Sertraline, let us know.  After you've completed your drug signature, including the last dose of Sertraline, we can suggest a reinstatement dose.  Please do not reinstate without letting us suggest a dose.

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions, complete your drug signature, let us know whether you want to reinstate and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

Edited September 16, 2020 by Altostrata
removed spaces

[kokoro1974]

Hi Istm, I am Mexican, I live in Ciudad de México, I just read your post and I want you to know that you are not alone. This drugs can wreak havoc in all our system.  As the moderator told you, you can reinstate to a very minimum dose of your former antidepressant to see if this calm your symptoms. A very minimum dose can be 0.2 mg or 0.9 mg, maybe 1 mg, not more. Lots of people find relieve with this little amount. You need to be accurate with the mg so you need a weight scale, I bought mine via Amazon, is a Gemini Scale, and most of the people here use this very same brand of scale to weight their doses while in tapering. If you need to chat with someone or talk via phone send me a Private message and we can talk on the phone or just chat via this site. You are not alone.

[Istm]

Gridley, thank you so much for the information. I just updated my drug info, basically my last dose started in feb 2020 and ended may 2020

(Feb 2020: started 50mg of setraline and also clonazepam 1mg 

March 2020: increase to 100mg of setraline

May 2020: stopped setraline, Tapping: went from 100mg to 0 in about 3 weeks. First I dropped to 50mg for a week, then to 25 for two weeks, then 0.

June: started with severe depression, derealization, irritability, suicidal thoughts, pssd)

 

I think that what makes me the most depressed and suicidal is the pssd. Just thinking about it  triggers strong depression. I'm not sure if reinstating will help since I'm scared it will make it harder to recover from pssd in the long term, however I'm in high school and it's really hard to deal with this depression and studying, I want to quit everyday, thus maybe reinstate will help make school more bearable and make me less suicidal ¿? however, I'm so sacred of reinstating because of pssd. I sometimes read success stories about pssd (Alto Strata also gave me hope since I read that she said that just as any withdrawl symptom, pssd isn't permanent although it may take a really long time to heal) and get hopeful and my mood improves, but then I read about people that say that they've had pssd with no improvement and I get so depressed (could it be that this people used the drug more time and thus they may take more to recover?)I just used it for max 2.8 years total) As well, I was wondering if it's possible to reinstate with Wellbutrin since this drug dosn't cause pssd.

 

[Istm]

Hi Kokoro1974, thank you so much for your message, it's good to hear that I'm not alone, even here in México, I'm from Monterrey. I taught I was the only Mexican dealing with this, do you know if here in Mexico there are professionals who know about withdrawal? Thanks for the scale suggestion, if I do decide to reinstate I'll buy that one and do no more than 1mg. As well, thank you so much for allowing me to chat with you.

[Altostrata]

Hello, lstm.

 

15 minutes ago, Istm said:

I think that what makes me the most depressed and suicidal is the pssd. Just thinking about it  triggers strong depression.

 

If I were you, I'd try to stop worrying about it. Worrying is not going to help you recover any faster and it may make it slower as you add unnecessary stress to your nervous system.

 

How's your sleep? Other than PSSD, how have your symptoms changed in the last 2 months?

 

Please do consider fish oil and magnesium, as so kindly suggested by @Gridley

[Istm]

Thanks Alto, I do need to work on not worrying about it, but sometimes the thought of never recovering gets really hard. I'm getting good sleep, maybe even a lot since I'm depressed. I also take 5mg of melatonin every night.  The only symptom that has changed is that I'm a bit less irritable. My appetite has also decreased a bit but I think  it's due to being depressed.

[Istm]

I was also wondering is anybody knows if it's possible to sue my psychiatrist / pharma company? 

[Gridley]

@Istm

Have you considered the reinstatement I mentioned?  What are your thoughts about it?

 

5mg Melatonin is probably too much.  Too much melatonin can have a paradoxical effect--that is, it keeps you awake.  We recommend starting with a low dose, around 0.25mg.

[Istm]

@Gridley

Hi Gridley, yes, I've been considering it.

I think that what makes me the most depressed and suicidal is the pssd. I'm not sure if reinstating will help since I'm scared it will make it harder to recover from pssd in the long term, however I'm in high school and it's really hard to deal with this depression and studying thus maybe reinstate will help make school more bearable. I was wondering if it's possible to reinstate with Wellbutrin since this drug dosn't cause pssd? 

[Gridley]

6 minutes ago, Istm said:

I was wondering if it's possible to reinstate with Wellbutrin since this drug doesn't cause pssd? 

Reinstating with the same drug works better.  There is really no way to tell how a different drug will affect you.  Your body had become accustomed to the Sertraline, and that's the drug that has the best chance of alleviating your withdrawal symptoms.  If you do it, I would suggest a very small dose, perhaps 1mg, no more.  If you can get liquid Sertraline, that would be the best method to take this small dose.  If you can't get it, there are other methods of getting a very small dose, including using a scale and making your own liquid.  Thee are described in this link:

 

Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)

 

 

[Istm]

@Gridley

thanks for the suggestions, do you know if reinstating could make pssd worse long term?

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, Istm said:

@Gridley

thanks for the suggestions, do you know if reinstating could make pssd worse long term?

I don't know, Istm.  

[Istm]

@Altostrata do you know if resinstating at 1mg could make pssd worse long term?

[Erell]

14 hours ago, Istm said:

@Altostrata do you know if resinstating at 1mg could make pssd worse long term?

Honestly Istm, nobody knows, nobody can predict how a body will react.

 

I know this is not the answer you want to read, and I wish we could have more certainty when dealing with these drugs, but we don't. 

 

Unfortunately, we can't benefit from independent scientific studies on the effects of these drugs. 

 

This website gather thousands of testimonies, and thanks to these testimonies we can try to highlight patterns and ways to deal with these drugs more safely.

 

21 hours ago, Gridley said:

 

One possibility for relief is reinstatement.  Reinstatement of a very small dose of the original drug is the only known way to help alleviate withdrawal syndrome.  The only other alternative is to try and wait out the symptoms and manage as best you can until your central nervous system returns to homeostasis.  

 

Reinstatement isn't a guarantee of diminished symptoms for everyone but it's the best tactic available. 

 

And thanks to all the testimonies of those who have been there before us, we know that people do get better as time passes.

 

Take care ☀️

Edited September 17, 2020 by Erell

[Istm]

@Erell

Hi Erell, thanks for your explanation  

I do feel my symptoms are getting bad, since I can’t seem to get out of bed, I’m in my last year of high school and I haven’t been able to go to class because of extreme depression and derealization. I’m indeed considering reinstating and then tapering really slowly. I basically fast-tapered 100mg of zoloft to 0mg in like 3.5 weeks. This was about 3 months and a half ago. 

 

However I would like to try Wellbutrin instead of Zoloft but a really small amount maybe 1mg? Just a little bit to see if it helps with my depression and derealization. I know that the ideal will be for me to go back to Zoloft because that’s what I took initially but I am really scared of Zoloft because of the sexual side effect, and I just want something to help me with the depression. 

 

Is it okay if I do this? 1mg of Wellbutrin and then tapper really slowly? If I notice any bad reactions I’ll stop it and try to reinstate with 1mg Zoloft. 

 

I’m already taking magnesium and it has helped me to calm a bit and today I’ll go buy the fish oil. I think I could definitely handle WD symptoms without reinstate but my problem is school . However if it’s better for me not to reinstate it’s okay. I’ll work through it.

[Erell]

16 hours ago, Istm said:

 

Is it okay if I do this? 1mg of Wellbutrin and then tapper really slowly? If I notice any bad reactions I’ll stop it and try to reinstate with 1mg Zoloft. 

 

Hello Istm,

 

I can only ditto what Gridley said  : 

 

On 9/16/2020 at 9:43 PM, Gridley said:

Reinstating with the same drug works better.  There is really no way to tell how a different drug will affect you.  Your body had become accustomed to the Sertraline, and that's the drug that has the best chance of alleviating your withdrawal symptoms.  If you do it, I would suggest a very small dose, perhaps 1mg, no more.  If you can get liquid Sertraline, that would be the best method to take this small dose.  If you can't get it, there are other methods of getting a very small dose, including using a scale and making your own liquid.  Thee are described in this link:

 

Tips for tapering off sertraline (Zoloft)

 

We can't tell you how your body will react to Wellbutrin.

 

The only strategy we know that might help with WD symptoms is reinstatement of a low dose of the drug you were previously taking.

 

16 hours ago, Istm said:

 

I think I could definitely handle WD symptoms without reinstate but my problem is school .

 

What are your current symptoms ?

How did you symptoms evolve since June ?

 

Take care ☀️

[Istm]

@Erell Hi Erell, thank you for the advise. I'll be trying to reinstate Zoloft at 1mg today or tomorrow.

My symptoms are a bit worse than when I first started. I'm more derealized and depressed than before, I'm having bad headaches, restless legs, brain zaps, brain fog, 0 motivation, suicidal thoughts, lack of concentration, and anhedonia. 

[Istm]

Hi, I don’t know if anyone can answer this but I’m currently freaking out a lot about never being able to be old myself again? like what if this meds changed my personality completely! can I recover and be myself again? I’m so sacred. I want my creativity and love for life back ;(

[Gridley]

3 minutes ago, Istm said:

I'll be trying to reinstate Zoloft at 1mg today or tomorrow.

 

It takes about 4 days for a dose change to get to get to full state in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.  The effect should get stronger during that time.  It still may take some time over the next weeks and months for your nervous system to settle down.  You probably will continue to have windows and waves (ups and downs) but symptoms won't be as intense.

 

It's a good idea to keep daily notes on paper to keep track of how the reinstatement is going.

 

How are you going to measure to get the 1mg Sertraline?

 

 

 

 

[Istm]

2 minutes ago, Gridley said:

How are you going to measure to get the 1mg Sertraline?

I'm not sure, I have 50mg pills at home, I was thinking of making a solution with 50ml of water and then taking 1ml of the solution. I don't have a mili gram scale yet. Other wise I could just scrape a really tiny piece of the pill and take it? 

[Gridley]

7 minutes ago, Istm said:

I'm not sure, I have 50mg pills at home, I was thinking of making a solution with 50ml of water and then taking 1ml of the solution. I don't have a mili gram scale yet. Other wise I could just scrape a really tiny piece of the pill and take it? 

 

If you start out making a liquid and that is working for you, it's better to stay with that method rather than switching later to dry cutting and using the scale.  It's better to have as few changes as possible.

 

Scraping a tiny piece off the 50mg pills isn't a good idea.  Your doses will not be consistent or exact.

Edited September 18, 2020 by Gridley

[Gridley]

@Istm

I've asked another moderator to take a look at your situation and making your own liquid.  I'd suggest you wait to reinstate until you hear from him. 

 

[Istm]

@Gridleythanks Gridley! I’ll wait

[Erell]

2 hours ago, Istm said:

Hi, I don’t know if anyone can answer this but I’m currently freaking out a lot about never being able to be old myself again? like what if this meds changed my personality completely! can I recover and be myself again? I’m so sacred. I want my creativity and love for life back ;(

Yes you can recover : recovery can be very slow and gradual, but thanks to all the testimonies shared by those who've been there before us, we know that as time passes people get better.

 

When we are in the midst of it, it feels like eternity and like if we'll never feel good again. But we do dear. It may be slower than we wish, but we do get better.

 

It is possible that this experience will change you, people who recovered often report that they have changed positively : they feel stronger, more grateful and able to enjoy life beauty.

 

You might be interested by our Success stories : 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forum/28-success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal/

 

You are young and have a long life ahead you : one day all this will only be a memory and you will be dancing in the street, thanking your old self for going through this 🤗

 

Edited September 18, 2020 by Erell

[ChessieCat]

 

how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules

 

[Istm]

@Erell thank you so much, it really helped me 💗💗💗

[Istm]

@Gridley I went with my GP and she understood withdrawal, and agreed on reinstatement. However she suggested Lexapro since Lexapro can be found on 10mg presentation and it’ll easier to just take 1mg. Is this okay? I was taking 100mg Zoloft. Zoloft and Lexapro are both SSRIs but I’m not sure if there’s any difference. 

[ChessieCat]

 

From Post #1 of tips-for-tapering-off-escitalopram-lexapro

 

On 5/27/2011 at 12:16 PM, Altostrata said:

If you are taking 5mg of Lexapro, it's not tiny, it's equivalent to 10-20mg Paxil or Celexa.

 

I would caution against starting Lexapro.  Because of the strength and difficulty that some member have in getting off Lexapro, if an SA member has been taking Lexapro (escitalopram) we usually suggest changing to citalopram with is a gentler sibling of Lexapro.

 

However, it is generally better to reinstate the same drug.  This is the drug which your brain has adapted to.  Starting a different drug can cause issues:  you might still experience withdrawal symptoms from the Zoloft, you can get side effects from the new drug and/or you can experience an adverse reaction to the new drug.  Because of the change in drug you will not know what is causing any issues if they occur.

 

It is VERY simple to make your own liquid Zoloft.  Please read Post #1 of tips-for-tapering-zoloft-sertraline

 

It is available in 25mg dose.

 

Edited September 18, 2020 by ChessieCat

[Gridley]

17 minutes ago, Istm said:

Is this okay? I was taking 100mg Zoloft. Zoloft and Lexapro are both SSRIs but I’m not sure if there’s any difference. 

That is not a good idea.  All the SSRI's are very different and have a different effect on your system. As ChessieCat said, Lexapro is much stronger than Zoloft (Lexapro is the strongest SSRI). I recommend you reinstate using Sertraline.

 

If you are uncomfortable with making a liquid, I can help you to get a 1mg dose of Sertraline using the scale, which is the method I'm most familiar with. It's not difficult.  If you want to do this, order the Gemini scale on Amazon and size 00 gelatin capsules (also from Amazon) and we can start from there.

[Istm]

37 minutes ago, Gridley said:

 

If you are uncomfortable with making a liquid, I can help you to get a 1mg dose of Sertraline using the scale, which is the method I'm most familiar with. It's not difficult.  If you want to do this, order the Gemini scale on Amazon and size 00 gelatin capsules (also from Amazon) and we can start from there.

Thanks Gridley, I don’t have a problem with making the solution but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep the 50ml on my fridge or will be wasting 49ml. However I was planning on starting this method today since I’m feeling quite bad. 
 

However, I already ordered a .001 g scale also. I didn’t order the Gemini since that one will take weeks (I live in Mexico) and the brand I bought arrives in 4 days. I’m going to order the gelatin capsules.

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Istm said:

I don’t have a problem with making the solution but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep the 50ml on my fridge or will be wasting 49ml. However I was planning on starting this method today since I’m feeling quite bad. 

 

Yes you could start with liquid so that you can reinstate straight away.

 

If you can cut a tablet in half evenly then you could make a smaller amount and waste less.  Once you make the liquid it generally keeps covered in the fridge for about 4 days.

[brassmonkey]

If you are only going to be using the homemade liquid for just a few days. Instead of wasting whole tablets making 50mL of liquid and then having to throw most of it away in a few days, only make 13mL of solution. Grind up the 50mg tablet into a very fine powder. Carefully divide that pile of powder into four (4) equal parts. Mix one of those smaller piles of powder with 13mL of water and drqw draw your dose from that. It will have the same strength as if you used the 50mg tablet in 50mL of water.  Save the leftover powder for using with your scales then they arrive. 

 

Zoloft does not dissolve in water, but rather the powder floats around in it making a cloudy suspension. You will have to shake it up really well when you take out your dose. You should be able to store the extra liquid in the refrigerator for three or four days. 

 

Edited September 19, 2020 by ChessieCat
corrected typo

[Istm]

Hi I’m about to reinstate 1mg zoloft by making a solution, I really need to try this since my withdrawal isn’t allowing me to function. However I was just wondering, does the fact I reinstate 1mg to help with withdrawal means that I’m no longer healing/ recovering? Does healing start when I’m off that 1mg or does my body also work on healing my CNS now that I’m taking 1mg? 

[Istm]

@brassmonkeythank you so much for the tip! 

[Gridley]

38 minutes ago, Istm said:

does my body also work on healing my CNS now that I’m taking 1mg? 

Your body continues to work on healing.