Mia1: hope in early recovery

[Greatful]

@Mia1

2 hours ago, Mia1 said:

I still have the neuro emotions, felt insanely furious with my husband for making a suggestion this morning.

Anger can come on pretty strong sometimes, do you get the tenseness in your body to?

I know with your skills you were able to redirect yourself.❤️

 

Did you make it to the pool today?

We are having some beautiful weather here, You might be seeing it a couple of days.....

 

37 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

It honestly sounds like your brain is in overdrive and your anxiety is looking for something to latch onto.

You are so right on this.  I thought the same thing that my anxiety is looking for something to attach to.  I even told K (my husband) the same thing. I have thought that may times when I have anxiety, you can almost feel it looking around, hum.... what should I be feed off of.  Wicked monster😡

44 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

But please remember it’s only a thought that has triggered a strong emotion that you’ve attached to. You decide if you’ll be scared or not, not anxiety.

Right again my dear friend.💕

46 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

Remember you are the observer of the experience, not the experience itself. Just step back and observe what is happening in the moment.

I tend to forget all these tools sometimes and go blank.  But I have done this(yah I am learning) and it does work and it does  take away the power.  Sometimes you will still get the spike of anxiety, but if you are able to not react to the  anxiety just feel it, it usually doesn't last vary long. 

 

I have a phone app that I listen to every night." Meditation music"  The one I like is called afternoon rain, it has rain sounds and piano music blended together.  K calls it my elevator music  Ha Ha .  There is a timer on it so I set it for 1 hour.

[Mia1]

16 hours ago, Greatful said:

Sometimes you will still get the spike of anxiety, but if you are able to not react to the  anxiety just feel it, it usually doesn't last vary long. 

Exactly, it’s never about not feeling anxiety but by accepting and allowing it in we create the space for it to leave. I still feel anxiety in my body too, it just doesn’t grab me the way it used to. And because of that it doesn’t come as often or stay as long.

 

You really are doing so well and you’re only going to keep getting better. We’re well equipped to handle whatever this w/d brings our way 💪

 

 Do you have any plans for the weekend? Check in and let me know how you are doing today. 

[Surviving82]

17 hours ago, Greatful said:

You are so right on this.  I thought the same thing that my anxiety is looking for something to attach to.  I even told K (my husband) the same thing. I have thought that may times when I have anxiety, you can almost feel it looking around, hum.... what should I be feed off of.  Wicked monster

@Greatful, yes I noticed that too! I am anxious and I feel like my anxiety is actively looking around trying to find something to latch on. I was always an anxious person but that was provoked anxiety. Now in WD I often have anxiety without any obvious reason at all. Neuroemotions I guess. 

[Mia1]

 

@Greatful@Surviving82

This is amazing, I think it will resonate with both of you 💖

[Greatful]

@Mia1  Stopping by to see how your day is going?

[Mia1]

Hey @Greatfulthanks for stopping by. I’m having a good day, enjoying the weather. I’m currently doing a lot of self compassion work and that combined with my realization that I have a temporary brain injury has really pushed my healing forward. I’m able to be really okay with the fact that my brain just is not working properly. I’m no longer wondering when I’m going to get better. I guess I’m in full acceptance and feel tremendous peace.

 

Next weekend there is a party for my in laws combined 80th birthday party. My husband comes from a very large family so I honestly didn’t think I was going to go. Since my physical symptoms aren’t too bad I made the decision today that no matter how I feel I’m going, I’m going to start to do things again. This was a big deal for me, I’ve been isolating most of the summer. I know I told you this before but you were a big part in me doing more, seeing you be brave and push yourself gave me the courage to do the same, thank you so much❤️

 

What are you up to today? How are you feeling?

[Greatful]

@Mia1  I hope you didn't take a fence when I said I got a chuckle out of your brain injury comment  yesterday.  I really thought you were being in some part sanicle.  I do agree with you though, we do have a brain injury.  

 

48 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

I’m no longer wondering when I’m going to get better. I guess I’m in full acceptance and feel tremendous peace.

That's okay I do enough worry for the both of us.  I have to remind myself that you are months ahead of me and with time and practice I will progress.😊

31 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

Since my physical symptoms aren’t too bad I made the decision today that no matter how I feel I’m going, I’m going to start to do things again

Wow that's great, make sure you have a plan if it gets to tough.  Remember to pace yourself and listen to your body.    Large family, is their going to be a lot of people there?  When you say large is it more then 14.  I am the youngest of 14 children.

 

Had some up and downs today,  I am jumping from me to my inner child.  I am really seeing how she dictates my feeling, fear, etc.  I know it is good to for all this to come together,  but it is hard when one minute you feel at peace and free and then the inner child with her baggage surfaces and you are right back feeling low, looking around to see if you are doing anything wrong and worrying if you will ever get past the ingrained past thought and misbeliefs.  I will keep working on.  It does feel good to see that all that garbage is just that distorted thinking. 

And one day I will truly feel safe and free under God's care.

55 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

I know I told you this before but you were a big part in me doing more, seeing you be brave and push yourself gave me the courage to do the same, thank you so much❤️

Thank you for the nice compliment.  We are there for each other♥️

[Greatful]

@Mia1   lol  I'm the youngest of 15,  shows how well my brain is working.

[Mia1]

 

13 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Mia1  I hope you didn't take a fence when I said I got a chuckle out of your brain injury comment

Not at all, I’m actually laughing now realizing we had a mix up. It’s so important to have a sense of humor about these things, thanks for the laugh 🤣

 

13 hours ago, Greatful said:

That's okay I do enough worry for the both of us.  I have to remind myself that you are months ahead of me and with time and practice I will progress.😊

I think by loving and accepting myself exactly as I am with the symptoms it has taken the pressure off and my brain has calmed down a bit. So my brain is still activated but because I’m not worrying about it I’m able to focus on other things and because I’m not constantly focused on myself I feel better. I didn’t realize how hard I was still being on myself, the self compassion work is really helping me.

 

What can I say though the physical symptoms are tough. I have a lot of dizziness and nausea and what feels like flushing in my brain. Today I will accept it and love it as I accept and love myself. I won’t love the symptoms but I’ll love it as a part of who I am in this moment. It will help me to find the joy in today. It’s definitely a one day at a time situation for me.

 

You are making tremendous progress. You have learned so much not only about techniques to manage everything you’re going through but about yourself. You have really used this as a great opportunity to heal everything. It’s not an easy task but you’re doing it and you never give up, you’re an incredible person and you really are so far down the road with your recovery.

13 hours ago, Greatful said:

Wow that's great, make sure you have a plan if it gets to tough. 

Definitely, I do think it’s important to have a plan in place. It’s at a restaurant so It’s only for about 3 hours and we are going to leave right after. I’m curious to see how it goes, will definitely keep you posted!!

43 minutes ago, Greatful said:

lol  I'm the youngest of 15

WOW, not even close to this big!! How was that like growing up? I can’t even imagine. Do you guys still live near each other? Are you close?

 

13 hours ago, Greatful said:

Had some up and downs today,  I am jumping from me to my inner child.  I am really seeing how she dictates my feeling, fear, etc.  I know it is good to for all this to come together,  but it is hard when one minute you feel at peace and free and then the inner child with her baggage surfaces and you are right back feeling low, looking around to see if you are doing anything wrong and worrying if you will ever get past the ingrained past thought and misbeliefs. 

As painful as this work can be when you are really aware of what’s going on inside that when the healing is happening. You are in the process of changing the program now, it’s like you said though it’s very ingrained in us so the change doesn’t happen overnight and it can feel painful. You’re doing a great job, keep up the good work!!

 

13 hours ago, Greatful said:

It does feel good to see that all that garbage is just that distorted thinking. 

And one day I will truly feel safe and free under God's care.

YES, I get those moments where I’ll think I can’t believe I thought that was true. You are definitely safe under God’s care, even if you can’t feel it today.

 

13 hours ago, Greatful said:

We are there for each other♥️

We certainly are my friend 💗

[Greatful]

  @Mia1  How are you doing today?  

 

On 8/15/2021 at 8:15 AM, Mia1 said:

I have a lot of dizziness and nausea and what feels like flushing in my brain.

I am trying to visualize this in my brain,  ( it kind of makes me chuckle) This is a new way to explain a sensation in the brain.

Do you think we can just let it finish flushing all the way down the toilet and we go buy a new one🤪

It is amazing how many symptoms you and I have that  in our visiting our  brain🙃

 

On 8/15/2021 at 8:15 AM, Mia1 said:

I think by loving and accepting myself exactly as I am

You are so right.  I finally say I love myself.  That was a big moment for me.  It gets easier and easier to feel it and say it♥️

It is really neat to think a month ago I could hardly look into myself and could not any feel confidence, I guess I was afraid of what I would see.  The emotions were just to overwhelming.

Now I can say I love myself.    I am still working on the self worth and confidence.

[Mia1]

Hi @GreatfulI have a little uptick in OCD symptoms right now, mainly sleep and swallowing, but I’m doing well. 

17 hours ago, Greatful said:

I am trying to visualize this in my brain,  ( it kind of makes me chuckle) This is a new way to explain a sensation in the brain.

Do you think we can just let it finish flushing all the way down the toilet and we go buy a new one🤪

It is amazing how many symptoms you and I have that  in our visiting our  brain🙃

LMAO 😂 We can get really creative trying to describe what is happening in our brain, right? I do believe that all these symptoms are a really good indicator that we’re healing though.

 

17 hours ago, Greatful said:

I finally say I love myself.  That was a big moment for me.  It gets easier and easier to feel it and say it♥️

This is beautiful, thanks for sharing it. I can honestly say I have gotten to the point where I do love myself and accept myself unconditionally. I treat myself well and comfort myself when facing difficult w/d symptoms. It has been such a big part of recovery for me as well 💗

[Greatful]

@Mia1  

58 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

I have a little uptick in OCD symptoms right now, mainly sleep and swallowing, but I’m doing well. 

It is crazy how we can get sucked into fear.  I am finally realizing that it is just a thought which leads to a strong emotion and that is all it can do to you.  Still so hard to not feed the monster🤢

I know that you are handling it well.  Doesn't mean it doesn't affect you in some way, and cause a little struggle but you know what you need to do.  It is impowering to take back some control of your life💪

 

Your big outing is this weekend.  Even if you just go for a little while you will be one step you will know that you are one step closer to fully healing♥️

 

I will not be going to the back to school workshop this Thursday.  !. Not sure how I would handle all the people and stimulation. 2.  I don't want to give the wrong impression that I am fine because they will be notified soon that I am going to be out on medical leave.

 

Next week is my big family (our children and their families) get together at some vrbo's.  I will not make a decision on going until next week.  With WD you never know if you are going to be in a bad wave.  When I am in a bad wave my panic. social phobia can get really out of control.  And my brain zapping, disconnected thinking etc. gets to bad.  I can't reach for extra Xanax to calm me down😰

 

I wish we could meet at a local coffee shop in New York (are you in the city) and sit outside, have some tea or dec- coffee and visit.☕

[Mia1]

10 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Doesn't mean it doesn't affect you in some way, and cause a little struggle but you know what you need to do.  It is impowering to take back some control of your life💪

This is so true though, yeah I know what to do but doesn’t mean I don’t have struggles myself. I just tell myself the way out is through. I want absolute freedom more than anything else and every time I take the power away I’m one step closer!! Thank you for acknowledging this.

 

12 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Your big outing is this weekend.  Even if you just go for a little while you will be one step you will know that you are one step closer to fully healing♥️

Yes, I’m a little nervous but I have a plan in place for the overstimulation. I completely agree it will be one step closer to healing. You know I will definitely let you know how it goes.

 

14 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I will not be going to the back to school workshop this Thursday.  !. Not sure how I would handle all the people and stimulation. 2.  I don't want to give the wrong impression that I am fine because they will be notified soon that I am going to be out on medical leave.

Really smart plan, I’m just so happy you decided to take some time off for yourself to heal. I know it wasn’t easy for you.

 

16 minutes ago, Greatful said:

With WD you never know if you are going to be in a bad wave.  When I am in a bad wave my panic. social phobia can get really out of control.  And my brain zapping, disconnected thinking etc. gets to bad.  I can't reach for extra Xanax to calm me down😰

You really don’t know one day from the next, that’s for sure. I used to be the same, taking klonopin when I felt uncomfortable in social situations. I’m going to have to get used to that. It’s so good we can reach for ourselves instead.

 

19 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I wish we could meet at a local coffee shop in New York (are you in the city) and sit outside, have some tea or dec- coffee and visit.☕

 You have no idea how much I would love this ❤️ I live in Westchester County, it’s about 50 miles north from the city. 

[Greatful]

@Mia1  Here is that video I was taking about.  And by the way what does LMAO stand for?

I think you will like it😊

 

[Mia1]

This is a fantastic video @GreatfulI actually saved it and am going to watch it again. I really like the part where he talks about linking positive emotions with negative ones and also really immersing yourself in the good feelings. I appreciate you sharing with me.

 

It reminds me of a technique I learned when I was seeing a hypnotist for my sleep anxiety. He told me to place my forefinger and thumb together and think of something that made me really happy. Really immerse myself in it and think about it for at least 30 seconds. I would do this several times throughout the day. The theory behind it is that by doing this, thinking of something really positive, it releases dopamine and serotonin in the brain. After a while you are conditioning the brain to release these feel good hormones simply by touching your finger and thumb together. I stopped doing it when I felt better so this is also a great reminder to continue to use this technique. 

 

LMAO means laughing my ass off 😂🤣🤪

 

How’s your day going?

[Greatful]

@Mia1

1 hour ago, Mia1 said:

immersing yourself in the good feelings

If we stop and think about it what do we do when someone says something nice to you, or like he said in the video even when someone acknowledges you, generally we tend to brush it off, or make up something in our minds like they didn't really mean that  blah, blah, blah.  It really does help if you actually stop and really feel the warm feeling and let it sit there for awhile.  There are so many things we can do to reinforce positive feelings about ourselves, the key is to do it over and over again. Other wise the old habits come right back and take over.  I  like the idea of thinking of something that has made you feel good and let it the feeling really sink in.  I think it will help me to really feel the message when someone says they love me.  Usually the emotion is to strong for me to allow it in. So I will return to the time in my mind and sit with it YEAH  Another tool to put in the box.

 

2 hours ago, Mia1 said:

How’s your day going?

I felt really restless, so I went out and did some errands (stores) (E/R), I over did it and crumble on the way home,  went right in and meditated.

 

How is your day going?

I hope you don't mind when I tag you when I think someone could use some help with meditation and thought, you know the whole program!

[Greatful]

@Mia1  Good morning😊  What is your plans for the day?

 

[Mia1]

17 hours ago, Greatful said:

even when someone acknowledges you, generally we tend to brush it off, or make up something in our minds like they didn't really mean that  blah, blah, blah. 

This is SO true!! I find the more self love work I do the easier this becomes.

 

17 hours ago, Greatful said:

There are so many things we can do to reinforce positive feelings about ourselves, the key is to do it over and over again.

This is spot on, to change any behavior repetition and  consistency are definitely key.

 

17 hours ago, Greatful said:

YEAH  Another tool to put in the box.

I’m going to start really immersing myself in the good feelings. What a great way to retrain the brain, I really appreciate your wisdom and insights.

 

17 hours ago, Greatful said:

I over did it and crumble on the way home,  went right in and meditated.

You always pick yourself right back up, it’s really inspiring. Your attitude and determination have helped me so much, thank you ❤️

 

17 hours ago, Greatful said:

I hope you don't mind when I tag you when I think someone could use some help with meditation and thought, you know the whole program!

I appreciate the compliment and vote of confidence, I’m happy to help if I can!!

 

4 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Good morning😊  What is your plans for the day?

I’m doing yoga, meeting with a friend and then just some stuff around the house. How about you? How are you feeling?

[Greatful]

@Mia1

1 hour ago, Mia1 said:

meeting with a friend

That is awesome.  Not sure if I am ready to go out with friends yet.  To much conversation can still be over stimulating and plus the social issue still.  I have been going out more and shopping. 

So I have to give myself credit for that.  We should feel good about any little accomplishment.😊

I am still having ups and downs throughout the day.  WD brain and then a little more sane brain.

 

You have your party coming up here  this weekend.  How are you feeling?

I have another video to watch. I found it reassuring on how much are brain is capable of.  Let me know what you think

https://youtu.be/o0td5aw1KXA

 

Let me know if this link works.  This is a little bit way to post from youtube 

[Mia1]

@Greatful I watched the video, it’s inspiring. What were her tools though and how could it be transferred to work on brain injury from psych drugs? I’m thinking all the work we do is retraining our brain back to normal, along with time. What are your thoughts?

[Greatful]

@Mia1  I just found it to be reassuring that our brains can heal.  I was also making the leap too, if she can make her brain work for her the way she needs it to, maybe we can also re-train our brains to heal  ocd, anxiety, depression.  The reasons why so many people start ssri's 

 

You know are brains can heal from the drugs.  It may have to form new pathways.  But we will heal☺️

I mean if she can train her brain from where she started out and to where she is today. That sounds good to me.

 

[Greatful]

@Mia1 Can you send me the youtube videos on the sleeping sounds.  I think one was winter wind or storm ?  The other rain something?

 I found out where I read about the clinic  for withdrawal in Amsterdam

It is on the Tapering forum

[Mia1]

13 hours ago, Greatful said:

You know are brains can heal from the drugs.  It may have to form new pathways.  But we will heal☺️

I mean if she can train her brain from where she started out and to where she is today. That sounds good to me.

Not only will they heal but they will be better than before, that sounds good to me too!!!😊

[Greatful]

@Mia1  How did your day go yesterday?

Have a good time today at your party.

Let me know how it goes❤️

[Mia1]

Hi @Greatfulit went really well today, I appreciate you checking in. How was your day? Thinking of you ❤️

[Mia1]

Here’s a really great article I found on sensorimotor OCD. It’s when automatic body functions become conscious such as breathing, blinking and swallowing. I honestly think sleep anxiety should be included in this, same basic idea that produces similar anxiety and thoughts. Includes terrific advice on how to self heal.

https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/when-automatic-bodily-processes-become-conscious-how-to-disengage-from-sensorimotor-obsessions/

[Greatful]

@Mia1  How are you holding up after your big day, yesterday?  I am feeling it a little from my big events... Although mornings are generally tough for me. 

 

I wish I could be were you are,  trying to get together with friends once a week.  I would last maybe a hour then the brain starts to slow down and the concentration starts to fade and beg and struggle.  I really want to work on this fall. 

 

I noticed something crazy, it started about a week or so ago.  I feel  like I am panting a lot.  I am not out of breath per say , just feel like I was just exercising.  My husband asked me about it the other day.  It doesn't really bother me or scare me.  Weird 

[Mia1]

Hi @GreatfulI’m feeling it a little bit too, it’s  not perfect but it’s progress. Since I’m doing better I made the decision to wait until the first of the new year to start tapering my klonopin, I’m going to give myself a break and enjoy the holidays.

 

Sometimes it can help to re read your thread to see the progress you have made because healing can be so slow we actually can fail to see it. But it’s happening!!

 

Funny, I get that same weird symptom from time to time, doesn’t scare me either. I think one of the biggest things I work on is just removing fear from symptoms. What I find is when you remove the fear it no longer matters how long it will take for my brain to heal. You take away the power. 

[Greatful]

@Mia1I just wish the the paranoia, crazy thoughts, would go away.  Some of them are so out there it is  almost scary.  I am trying remind myself that that is your dysfunctional brain that is telling you those thoughts.  They can seem so real..  The common sense brain will say that's just crazy thinking....but the what if starts..................I want  some peace......

I will have to re-read the story about "what is happening in your brain" again.  I can so relate to her story,  the brain getting thing confused....Remember I was worried the birds chipping" could be they might be trying to tell me something".....These are some  scary powerful drugs we are dealing with.   

I all so hate the depression that is always hoovering.  I need a little more healing so the common sense brain can take over......

 

Oh yeah, You talked about akathisia  and inner restlessness.  Yeah I think I have some of that.

I am so fatigued, weak and have anxiety, sick feeling in my stomach and my brain is revolting against me again. (imagine that) but  I still want to move....Maybe this whole time I was on meds I had it.  I think they can cause it too.... 

 

 

36 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

I made the decision to wait until the first of the new year to start tapering my klonopin, I’m going to give myself a break and enjoy the holidays.

Good idea,  who doesn't want to feel at least half way normal for awhile.....

 

I am going to keep a close eye on my  symptoms during the day after I take my lex.  I want to see if me anxiety, panic, and other weird symptoms  intensify shortly after taking it.  Seems like I had  better evenings when I took it at 5pm.  When I took it at noon the evenings seeme to change, who knows could all be in my head.  It hits full dose in about 4 hours.  Then I will decide what I am going to do..... 

 

But there is that little piece of me that is getting stronger, I feel it😚

One day at a time....Today is were we are right now, tomorrow isn't here yet.........❤️

[Mia1]

@Greatfulif you have time today read the article I posted on sensorimotor OCD. It can be used for any intrusive thoughts, it may help.

 

 I’m happy to hear you’re getting stronger 👍❤️

[AndyPants]

Interesting article. This certainly rang true for me:

 

"Here, the thought that “I’m never going to stop thinking about this” leads to immediate fears of impaired functioning. As a result of the pairing between this thought and a feared outcome, the mind holds on tightly to the very awareness that the sufferer is attempting to rid."

[Greatful]

@Mia1 How are you doing today?

[Mia1]

@AndyPantsI found so much of my fear on this journey was ultimately about not being able to function. 

 

Anxiety is good because it warns us of danger but when you experience OCD/anxious thoughts it’s like the alarm in your brain isn’t working properly. If you don’t pay much attention to it it will eventually go away. 

 

Hope you’re having a better day, thanks for stopping by.

[Mia1]

5 minutes ago, Greatful said:

How are you doing today

Hi @Greatful I decided yesterday that I’m simply not going to give anymore attention to my thoughts or body sensation. If I don’t get lost in the story of my mind everything really is okay. If I don’t attach judgement to body sensations they’re just body sensations. I’m officially living my life and being okay with whatever happens. It took me a while to get here but I’m here.

 

How are you doing? As always, I appreciate you stopping by to check in on me ❤️

[Greatful]

@Mia1 

 

47 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

 If I don’t get lost in the story of my mind everything really is okay. If I don’t attach judgement to body sensations they’re just body sensations.

You are amazing.  Not sure I can shut off everything that much.  I am trying to not get caught up in the things going on with me.......but you know how it is, it comes at you from all angles, I might have a easier time if my brain didn't feels like it is going through the meat grinder and makes it hard to concentrate.  I think the general fatigue and feeling like you have the flu makes it hard to not wish you could feel better.  Just like when you  actually feel like you have the flu.  BUT this one doesn't want to go away🥴

But I feel progress❤️

 

[Mia1]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

Not sure I can shut off everything that much. 

It’s not about shutting anything off, that’s resistance and also impossible. Rather I’m allowing everything in without focusing my attention on it. I’m okay with it being there. I think that party just helped to push me deeper into acceptance.

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I think the general fatigue and feeling like you have the flu makes it hard to not wish you could feel better

I know exactly what you mean, it is harder when you feel so sick. I just take it easy when I feel this way and take care of myself as if I really did have the flu.

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

But I feel progress❤️

You’re doing such a great job with your recovery 💪💗