Mia1: hope in early recovery

[Mia1]

Wanted to share a quick update. The Klonopin taper has been so vastly different for me than the AD’s and it’s been a little more difficult finding the right taper plan. I’m currently doing a micro taper of 1% cuts each week and so far I seem to be tolerating this the best. I’m going to keep this taper going for another month and if I continue to stay w/d normal I’m going to try 1.5% weekly cuts to bring my total monthly taper to 6%. Trying to find my limit right now. 
 

I’m hopeful and quite honestly excited this is my last drug to taper (I have already gotten off 2 long term and 2 short term drugs.) Regardless how long it may take I’m on my last stretch now and have grown in ways that I didn’t think was possible. I’m so profoundly grateful.

 

Wishing everyone peace and healing ❤️‍🩹 

[Ariel]

Hi @Mia1

Are you tapering Klonopin? I am so in awe of slow taper-ers. You are a heroic bunch for sure! 

 

Currently I'm not really able to read much, but about a year ago I started reading Marsha Linehan's (ML) memoir, "Building a Life Worth Living". ML is the founder/developer of DBT as well as other innovations, explorations, and advancements in the mental health field. I really enjoyed it, got about halfway through when withdrawal pulled the plug on reading, but I look forward to going back and finishing it. ML writes candidly about her own trials and travails with depression, hospitalization, learning to care for herself, etc. At some point on her healing journey she made a sacred promise that if she got through she would go back in to help other people out. Reminds me of Altostrata, Laura Delano, Baylissa, and many other survivors who become activists and advocates. I think about that a lot. Giving back is so meaningful and healing. 

 

Have you read any memoirs you enjoyed? Any favorites to recommend? No pressure to reply, I'm just curious. 

 

Did you decide to take the part-time job? and if so, how's it going? Are you still volunteering at the cat shelter?

 

On 2/11/2022 at 6:44 PM, Mia1 said:

I feel good about all these projects and I’m using the feelings that come up as an opportunity to keep growing.

 

This is awesome and so inspiring. You rock!

 

Good luck with your next cut (if I understand correctly what you mean by "actively tapering").

Peace <3

 

[Pollyjay]

On 2/11/2022 at 12:44 PM, Mia1 said:

I recently started volunteering at a cat shelter because I realized I was becoming afraid of doing things that might activate my symptoms.  I find the work very therapeutic and it has given me the confidence to continue to live life as I heal. I hadn’t really realized how afraid I was of activating my symptoms. But that’s never the point, at least for me. The point is to not react to the symptoms, to allow space for them while you heal. And because I don’t react to the symptoms they come and go, they never stay long.

 

Right after I started the volunteering I got an offer for a part time job working with (ironically enough) people with brain injuries. I was not seeking employment at this time but the owner of the agency reached out and it checked all the boxes I would be looking for in a job. I have a second interview next week and feel pretty confident I’ll be offered the job and I decided I’m going to take it.

 

I’ve also started working on my book about getting off psych meds and healing trauma, I’ve written five chapters so far. I feel good about all these projects and I’m using the feelings that come up as an opportunity to keep growing. I still need a lot of downtime and rest but I know that’s not going to be my focus anymore. Neither are my symptoms. They’re just symptoms and will heal over time.
 

I also have to note that the other night I slept almost the entire night through; that hasn’t happened in two years. And I’m still symptomatic. I honestly believe it’s because I’m not reacting to the symptoms anymore. It wasn’t easy to get here and it took a lot of work on acceptance but it was well worth it. I feel for the first time since I started this journey that I have my life back. 
 

So I’m going to take an indefinite break from this site to immerse myself in this life of mine. I wish everyone the best on their journey and encourage you all to keep moving forward, healing is just around the corner. ❤️
 

 

I need to go back and read your whole story, but this post gives us all so much hope and inspiration!!! Thank you for letting us know how well you are doing and the measures you've taken to come this far!! 

 

I hope you finish your book and put it out there for all to see. It's so important that people are made aware of all this.

 

I need to try to participate in something but with the anhedonia I'm not quite there yet. I'd like to be a foster home for our local dog shelter. But not sure I could handle seeing the dogs I've cared for leave and go to new homes. 

 

[Ariel]

whoops sorry, didn't catch your latest update before i posted

nevermind my qs about klonopin, etc. 

 

18 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

Regardless how long it may take I’m on my last stretch now and have grown in ways that I didn’t think was possible. I’m so profoundly grateful.

 

wow. that's beautiful. good for you!

[Mia1]

10 minutes ago, Ariel said:

Did you decide to take the part-time job? and if so, how's it going? Are you still volunteering at the cat shelter?

Yes, I’ve been working for about a month and a half now and I really enjoy it. I enjoy not only the clients but the sense of normalcy I get from working. And it’s telehealth so I don’t have to leave the house. It’s also subcontracting work so I get  to choose the cases I want and how much or little I want to work, which is just beyond perfect when actively tapering. And I am still volunteering, I find it to be so therapeutic. I literally just sit with cats and pet them. Pure unconditional love, it’s so healing!!

17 minutes ago, Ariel said:

Have you read any memoirs you enjoyed?

On the recommendation of @GreatfulI ended up reading Baylissa’s book which I found to be very inspiring and also similar to the approach I have taken to healing. 

 

20 minutes ago, Ariel said:

Good luck with your next cut

Thank you 💖
 

[Mia1]

23 minutes ago, Pollyjay said:

need to go back and read your whole story, but this post gives us all so much hope and inspiration!!! Thank you for letting us know how well you are doing and the measures you've taken to come this far!! 

Thanks for stopping by @Pollyjay. I’m happy to share, it’s not an easy journey but I certainly can testify that you can overcome anything. Absolutely anything. And as symptomatic as I was/am I also realized that you really can enjoy your life while you heal and while you have symptoms.

31 minutes ago, Pollyjay said:

I hope you finish your book and put it out there for all to see. It's so important that people are made aware of all this.

I really appreciate the encouragement, thank you. I will definitely resume writing once I’m more stable with my Klonopin taper. 
 

 

32 minutes ago, Pollyjay said:

need to try to participate in something but with the anhedonia I'm not quite there yet. I'd like to be a foster home for our local dog shelter. But not sure I could handle seeing the dogs I've cared for leave and go to new homes. 

Would you be able to volunteer? Would it be too stimulating with the noise? I think it’s great you want to participate in something though, it’s a great sign of healing and it helps to get the mind off w/d. 
 

It really wasn’t easy for me at first because I kept myself pretty isolated for fear of activating my symptoms but I found as I continued to do things it didn’t activate me anymore. It was only in the beginning and I think because it was so long since I tried new things. But I’m SO glad I pushed myself to do more. I just had to find the balance as I’m actively tapering right now and feel fatigued. But I’m still doing it. 
 

Let me know if you decide to do something, I’m happy to support you!!

[Pollyjay]

52 minutes ago, Mia1 said:

Thanks for stopping by @Pollyjay. I’m happy to share, it’s not an easy journey but I certainly can testify that you can overcome anything. Absolutely anything. And as symptomatic as I was/am I also realized that you really can enjoy your life while you heal and while you have symptoms.

I really appreciate the encouragement, thank you. I will definitely resume writing once I’m more stable with my Klonopin taper. 
 

 

Would you be able to volunteer? Would it be too stimulating with the noise? I think it’s great you want to participate in something though, it’s a great sign of healing and it helps to get the mind off w/d. 
 

It really wasn’t easy for me at first because I kept myself pretty isolated for fear of activating my symptoms but I found as I continued to do things it didn’t activate me anymore. It was only in the beginning and I think because it was so long since I tried new things. But I’m SO glad I pushed myself to do more. I just had to find the balance as I’m actively tapering right now and feel fatigued. But I’m still doing it. 
 

Let me know if you decide to do something, I’m happy to support you!!

 

That's so kind of you, Mia1!

 

Well we don't actually have a shelter. Just the dog pound. They don't keep animals very long before putting them down, so the humane society tries to get as many as they can into foster homes. They pay vet bills, spay neuter. and food but the foster "parents" are expected to work with the animal and take it to the open days and promote it to the public online and at open days that are held in various places. It would probably do me a world of good if I could handle seeing them go to new homes. 

 

Yesterday was the first day I've driven to town -about 20 miles. It was nerve wracking but I'm glad I did it! 

 

 

We are quite isolated (on a farm) to begin with, so I see very few people. It's never bothered me before but since our son moved away (that's when I got hit with relentless panic attacks and anxiety) I've realized just how isolated we are. Just me and my husband now, and he has to go to work. It's made worse by the anhedonia. Normally I can lose myself in projects and hobbies, a good book. At the momen,t although I'm forcing myself to do things, I'm really just going through the motions. Recently there have been some little windows where I've actually been able to get absorbed in something for a short time and that's giving me some hope! I'm also back to taking care of the farm animals. For a few months my husband was unable to go to work because I couldn't function at all. It's a good thing we had some savings built up!

 

I need to do like you and just keep "living" as much as posible.

 

 

 

[Moonpie]

@Mia1great idea! Can't wait to read it!  I have for many years reviewed books for authors and publishers!  Would love to review it for you.  I also have a group that helps get authors connect with reviewers.  Keep up the good work.  A book like yours is needed!

[Mia1]

@PollyjayI have to tell you I have always had a dream of living on a farm, it sounds wonderful!! I understand being isolated though, have you thought about joining any social groups or support groups? There’s so much you can do without even leaving your home!! There are even online support groups for psychiatric drugs. There’s a whole thread on SA about this, look it up if you’re interested.

 

Also, I understand about the difficulty of fostering, I wouldn’t be able to do it either because I become way too attached. I know pounds and shelters are similar though, can you go visit the dogs and give them some love when you feel up to it? I’m sure they would love to have you visit. If not maybe you could still help out on the adoption end by taking photos and trying to find homes? 

 

And YES, keep living through this. Do what you can when you can and then rest as much as you need. You’re doing a great job. Remind yourself of that today ❤️💪

 

 

[Mia1]

@Moonpiethank you SO much for that incredibly kind offer, I will most likely take you up on that!!

 

How are you doing? It’s been a while ❤️

[Moonpie]

@Mia1 It has been a mixed bag. I'm getting ready to post a 13/14 months off lexapro.. I've seen some steady improvements and then hit a bad wave. Thank you for asking, will be posting soon.❤

[Pollyjay]

On 4/26/2022 at 3:19 PM, Mia1 said:

@PollyjayI have to tell you I have always had a dream of living on a farm, it sounds wonderful!! I understand being isolated though, have you thought about joining any social groups or support groups? There’s so much you can do without even leaving your home!! There are even online support groups for psychiatric drugs. There’s a whole thread on SA about this, look it up if you’re interested.

 

Also, I understand about the difficulty of fostering, I wouldn’t be able to do it either because I become way too attached. I know pounds and shelters are similar though, can you go visit the dogs and give them some love when you feel up to it? I’m sure they would love to have you visit. If not maybe you could still help out on the adoption end by taking photos and trying to find homes? 

 

And YES, keep living through this. Do what you can when you can and then rest as much as you need. You’re doing a great job. Remind yourself of that today ❤️💪

 

 

 

Thank you Mia1! Yes the farm has been my dream come true. I love it. It has been very difficult though since I got sick. I was the one that did most of the animal care. When Covid arrived we increased the load so that we could have our own meat, milk and eggs and not have to spend much time in the stores. It worked out great until I got sick. I've had to find home for many of our much loved animals as I've been unable to care for them properly. 

 

Thank you for going over to my page and offering so much helpful information.  I need all the support I can get. Today has been very tough and I've accomplished very little.

[Mia1]

I shared the following with another member in a PM but wanted to also share it on my thread because it has brought me tremendous peace as I continue on my third year tapering. 

 

Another summer coming up and in some ways the last year seems to have gone by in a flash.  I’ve been thinking about this a lot, how time will just keep marching on no matter what happens so we might as well enjoy the time we have. Because we’re definitely going to get better and be completely healed one day soon but we’ll never get this time back. As painful as it can feel at times I think if we understand these three things on a deep level: 1) that this time is ours to do what we want with 2) that we won’t get it back and 3) this is a temporary experience and that we will heal, it helps to put things in perspective so we can at least try to enjoy the time more while we are going through this. I have come to realize that for me acceptance of my symptoms or just this experience in general is really just acceptance of myself. If I fight the symptoms or the experience I’m having I’m just fighting myself. It always comes back to self love. Anyway, I found peace with this understanding and thought I’d share 💖

[Mia1]

Another update. I’m currently making 2.5% cuts each week for a total of 10% each month. Doing the weekly cuts has made the difference, it’s so much gentler on my nervous system and I’m doing really well. I’ve actually increased my work hours from 10 to 16 hours a week and continue to volunteer, work out, spend time in nature and I’m even socializing regularly now. 
 

This is actually the most “normal” I have felt in quite some time and I attribute it to meditation, mindfulness (although I do like the term presence better), unconditional self acceptance and having a structured schedule each day. It really keeps me engaged so my mind is occupied by something other than w/d. 
 

And the really good news is that it looks like I’m going to be completely done with tapering  by November. It will be the first time I am drug free in 23 years. I’m excited, I’ve worked hard for this. What I’m even more excited about is how strong I’ve become, how unshakable I am with my foundation of unconditional self love and acceptance. I wake up each day excited about what I’m going to learn and experience. I’m profoundly grateful.
 

Sending everyone healing vibes, have a great summer 💖🌸

[Ariel]

@Mia1

Wow, what an awesome update! 

Congratulations on all your hard work. I'm so happy for you that you are reaping the rewards of your efforts!

Thank you for sharing. 

Healing vibes and a great summer to you, too <3

[Mia1]

 @Arielyou’re such a bright light of positivity, all your kind words are very appreciated. Thank you 💗

[Mia1]

I wanted to stop by with a quick update. I’m now at .28 mg of Klonopin and so far it’s been remarkably manageable. I have symptoms but I accept them deeply and because of that I’m able to carry on and live my life. I find that I don’t talk about w/d and I don’t think about it, even when my mind wants to focus on it. I’m already letting this experience go. It is truly possible to live a life while going through this, I just had to trust and let go of the fear.

 

 I have about four months to go but it’s no longer a countdown for me. I’ll be done when I’m done and I’ll be fully healed when I’m fully healed. My only job right now is to keep treating myself well and finding the joy and wonder in each day. Nothing is permanent, not even life, so I figure I may as well turn this to my advantage and face each day with excitement over what I may learn rather than dread over what I may feel. 

 

Here’s to all of us finding adventure in the chaos and finding fearlessness in the face of our own fears. We can do this, we’re all infinitely stronger than we may think 💪 

 

[Moonpie]

You have a wonderful attitude!!  You've got this!  Such a testimony and ecouragement!

[Mia1]

Thank you @MoonpieI appreciate your encouragement and support ❤️
 

How are you doing?

[Moonpie]

@Mia1 thank you for asking.  Not good. This is da my 6. Yesterday exhaustion took over and barely able to eat. Just staying in bed can't do anything else.  I have lost 5 lb this week. Down to 112.  Very concerned.  Struggle with appetite even when well. Forcing myself to eat some but it is so little.  Pushing water.  Weak, legs ache when I walk, tight chest. No respiratory other than a slight cough but feel kind of winded when i get up . Yeast symptoms some better but still discomfort.  Fighting anxiety about recovering from that - being able to go back to work and not being able too work for 2 weeks (feel its best to take of next week too). Between WD, the infections and all the meds concerned about my recovery at my age.  Thank you for caring.

[Mia1]

@MoonpieI’m so sorry to hear that, I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better. What helped me tremendously was “practicing” acceptance until it became ingrained into my personality. As an example I accepted a part time job in the beginning of my klonopin taper. Everything in me screaming “no, don’t do it!” But there was a deeper part that said this is meant to be, take it and so I did. I still felt nervous but I accepted that was just part of my growth process and the nervousness quickly died down. Every time fearful thoughts came up I would accept them and let them go, which basically means just don’t engage those thoughts in a conversation. They will go if you don’t give them attention.

 

As I continue to work and have quite a few physical symptoms (including my brain not working properly) those fearful thoughts comes up and say “it’s too intense, you won’t be able to function and keep working.” And I respond it’s okay, I’ll take it day by day and whatever happens it will be fine. And then I let them go. I trust the universe (God, my higher self) is taking care of me, I do my part and completely surrender the outcome. And if you can surrender the outcome then you’re free, regardless of what is happening right now or how you’re feeling right now.

 

It sounds so simple but I get that it’s not because your rational voice is going to say hey you have to work to survive, make money for food and rent and everything else. It says you have to focus on your symptoms to try to fix them and feel better. And it sounds crazy to treat this voice like you would your fearful voice but that’s just what I’m proposing. Let go of all these well intentioned thoughts in your head and turn to your intuition for guidance. Let go of trying to control this experience or any other experience in your life. We can never control the outcome, the only thing we ever have control over is how we respond. That’s it. And you treat your symptoms the same way, accept them and let them go. Accept that they’re there but don’t worry about them or give them undue attention. They’re just symptoms.

 

I’m not saying ignore anything. If you have a medical issue go to the doctor. If you have a job go to work and if you can’t work go on disability. But be okay with whatever you are capable of doing and let the rest go. Let your mind and body truly rest by not worrying about ANYTHING. You are strong and capable of dealing with whatever happens in the moment. You can give yourself tremendous peace of mind right now, you just have to trust and let go. 

 

And I don’t care how old you are, you absolutely can and will heal from this. Sometimes it’s our need to control that gets in the way. Learning to accept yourself unconditionally allows you to accept your circumstances unconditionally. This is what I have done and if I can do it then I know you can too. Give yourself that peace today, everything is going to work out. I’m sending you a lot of love and healing energy ❤️

 

 

[Mia1]

I am now at .24mg and I feel an increased intensity with each cut that usually dissipates within a few days. One of the biggest things I am experiencing is neuro anger/rage. It is completely irrational and has nothing to do with what is actually happening in my life, it is happening solely in my brain. My poor brain is just trying to process these intense feelings and sensations. The pull to ruminate and obsess is so strong at times it can feel physically painful. 

 

The other main thing I'm feeling is a sense of loss and guilt over the 20+ years I've been numb on psychiatric drugs. It's as if I'm waking up out of a very deep sleep and I'm seeing clearly all the things I could have done, perhaps should have done. It's a good opportunity to keep accepting myself unconditionally and loving myself unconditionally. I do this by allowing space for the feelings but then also letting them go.  It's not always easy and that too can feel incredibly painful.

 

Through this experience I continue to see all the ways I have grown and at times I just honestly can't believe how far I've come. My response to a new or uncomfortable or challenging situation is no longer fear, it's a quiet calm and assessment of the situation to choose a response that will best suit me. To best suit ME. This has been and continues to be an incredibly beautiful journey of self discovery. I face the rest of this taper not with dread but with wonder and excitement over the many ways I will continue to change and grow.

 

Like I said, it's not always easy but it is always worth it. I'm worth it.

[Ariel]

@Mia1

Hi, thank you so much for sharing your update. 

You've come so very far! 

It's very inspiring to read about your hard work and follow your journey. 

Sounds like you are doing a stellar job balancing the grief and neuro-emotions with living life and practicing acceptance and love. 

Thank you for sharing so generously about your non-drug coping techniques and tools. 

You are amazing!

If/when you write your book I'm sure it will be so beautiful. 

In solidarity and support, sending hugs and healing vibes <3

A.

[Mia1]

Thank you @Ariel 

 

As always, your support means a lot to me.

 

And for the record I think you're pretty amazing too!!💚

[Greatful]

@Mia1

You go girl. You are truly an inspiration♥️ This is a painful but rewarding journey🤗 

[Mia1]

Thanks for stopping by @Greatful, it means a lot to me ❤️
 

How are you doing? I know you’re getting close to the finish line with Lexapro!!

[KittenLePurr]

On 8/4/2022 at 10:50 AM, Mia1 said:

I am now at .24mg and I feel an increased intensity with each cut that usually dissipates within a few days. One of the biggest things I am experiencing is neuro anger/rage. It is completely irrational and has nothing to do with what is actually happening in my life, it is happening solely in my brain. My poor brain is just trying to process these intense feelings and sensations. The pull to ruminate and obsess is so strong at times it can feel physically painful. 

 

The other main thing I'm feeling is a sense of loss and guilt over the 20+ years I've been numb on psychiatric drugs. It's as if I'm waking up out of a very deep sleep and I'm seeing clearly all the things I could have done, perhaps should have done. It's a good opportunity to keep accepting myself unconditionally and loving myself unconditionally. I do this by allowing space for the feelings but then also letting them go.  It's not always easy and that too can feel incredibly painful.

 

Through this experience I continue to see all the ways I have grown and at times I just honestly can't believe how far I've come. My response to a new or uncomfortable or challenging situation is no longer fear, it's a quiet calm and assessment of the situation to choose a response that will best suit me. To best suit ME. This has been and continues to be an incredibly beautiful journey of self discovery. I face the rest of this taper not with dread but with wonder and excitement over the many ways I will continue to change and grow.

 

Like I said, it's not always easy but it is always worth it. I'm worth it.

Been reading some of your updates, @Mia1 and still so inspired by you and glad you're feeling and letting painful things go, and that the intense stuff dissipates in a few days ❤️ I need to check in fully and I will soon, for real🙃

[Mia1]

Hi @KittenLePurrthanks for stopping by, it’s really good to hear from you!! I look forward to reading your update, been thinking about you ❤️

[Mia1]

I was reading from a daily meditation book this morning and was reminded that so much of this (not to mention life) is about our attitudes toward it. It doesn't mean it's easy or that I pretend that I feel a way that I don't but if I can truly accept this experience as it is with compassion, understanding and gratitude then I am able to live and enjoy every single day. The added stress of fighting what I'm feeling is gone. I feel lighter and at peace. 

 

I have been tapering for 2.6 years now and it has taken me that long to get where I am right now, to get to the level of acceptance I have and to trust myself as deeply as I do. I'm now down to .19 mg of Klonopin and there are really no changes in symptoms; it continues to be manageable. I'm still working, volunteering, going to the gym and socializing regularly. I'm sleeping every night, for the most part pretty well. It's ironic because when all is said and done I'm doing so well because I'm not doing anything at all, I have learned through all of this work to get out of my own way and allow the experience to be what it is. It feels like freedom.

 

I'm not focusing on the finish line but I am starting to feel an excitement that I'm almost there. That pretty soon my focus won't be on this at all and I'll be ready for another adventure. Soon, but for right now I'm at least enjoying this one....

[Mia1]

I have started to experience some pretty intense headaches since I last posted which I think is in part contributed by the overactivation in my brain. I have also started to experience some daily nausea as well as internal akathisia (a lot of internal energy that is almost tangible with buzzing like sensations and cold sensations sweeping through my body.) I continue to experience neuro anger to a degree that's almost laughable, a random thought can have me feeling almost murderous. It's so crazy. 

 

I had previously tried CBD oil in 2020 to see if it would help with some of my early withdrawal symptoms but I didn't feel anything one way or another so I stopped. I have recently read several articles on how CBD is being given to patients withdrawing from benzos to help with the symptoms of withdrawal so I thought I would give it another try. I did a lot of research and found a reputable online company (organic, vegan and third party lab tested) and have been taking one 25mg CBD gummy daily for the past couple weeks. I split half the dose for late morning and the other half for the evening. I have to report that it is helping me tremendously and I am no longer getting headaches or nausea and although it did not take away the other symptoms, it has made it more tolerable.

 

I really debated taking the CBD because it does interact and bind with different brain receptors. I struggled with the idea of taking something everyday to help me "cope" but then ultimately decided that I was being to militant about my approach and that what I'm experiencing is hard enough and that it's okay to take something to help me through it. This is the decision I had to make for myself and I feel good about it. I won't take it forever but I will take it to ease me through the worst of the withdrawal and recovery. I'm at .16mg and have two shorts months to go so I can use all the help I can get.

 

 

[KittenLePurr]

21 hours ago, Mia1 said:

I have started to experience some pretty intense headaches since I last posted which I think is in part contributed by the overactivation in my brain. I have also started to experience some daily nausea as well as internal akathisia (a lot of internal energy that is almost tangible with buzzing like sensations and cold sensations sweeping through my body.) I continue to experience neuro anger to a degree that's almost laughable, a random thought can have me feeling almost murderous. It's so crazy. 

 

I had previously tried CBD oil in 2020 to see if it would help with some of my early withdrawal symptoms but I didn't feel anything one way or another so I stopped. I have recently read several articles on how CBD is being given to patients withdrawing from benzos to help with the symptoms of withdrawal so I thought I would give it another try. I did a lot of research and found a reputable online company (organic, vegan and third party lab tested) and have been taking one 25mg CBD gummy daily for the past couple weeks. I split half the dose for late morning and the other half for the evening. I have to report that it is helping me tremendously and I am no longer getting headaches or nausea and although it did not take away the other symptoms, it has made it more tolerable.

 

I really debated taking the CBD because it does interact and bind with different brain receptors. I struggled with the idea of taking something everyday to help me "cope" but then ultimately decided that I was being to militant about my approach and that what I'm experiencing is hard enough and that it's okay to take something to help me through it. This is the decision I had to make for myself and I feel good about it. I won't take it forever but I will take it to ease me through the worst of the withdrawal and recovery. I'm at .16mg and have two shorts months to go so I can use all the help I can get.

 

 

I'm so glad the CBD is helping! So it helps with the akathisia too? I keep meaning to update on my progress too, and one update is that I've started having a mild case early in the morning sometimes. It gets way more unpleasant when I focus on it...and sometimes just thinking about having it makes it start. Talk about psychosomatic. 

 

Anyway, I totally get the thing about not wanting to lean on things to help you cope. And at the same time, I wholeheartedly agree that this is hard enough as it is and if there's something healthy that is of great support, there's absolutely nothing wrong with leaning on it. This is about healing and getting med-free, not being tough.  I know you know that, but just to reaffirm.

[KittenLePurr]

Maybe I'll try my CBD concentrate. I have lots of it lying around but always forget about it.

[Mia1]

Hi @KittenLePurr, so the CBD helps with the headaches and nausea and motion sickness I have been experiencing but not so much with akathisia. And I notice it does have an overall calming effect on my mind. As we know so much of this varies from person to person, just do some research first if you do decide to take it because it does have interactions with drugs and supplements. And I'm not sure if you're aware but one of the benefits of taking CBD is lowered blood pressure so it might help you there as well!! From what I read and understand though it has to be taken daily to feel the full effects over time. I hope that helps, if you happen to take it and feel comfortable posting your experience I would love to hear how it works for you since it is helping me so much. 

[Mia1]

I wanted to mention in my last post how important I find eating healthy to be in this process. If I have any cheats whatsoever, even small ones, it will send me into a wave. I think this is the one thing everyone can agree on during tapering, diet is so important. I also forgot to mention my brain fog which is at least moderately significant. A lot of times I will simply forget what I was saying and it can take me a long time to articulate what I'm trying to say. This can be challenging when I'm working to say the least but I find that if I don't put any pressure on myself and just take my time it's not very noticeable. And I think on a deeper level it's helping me to be more thoughtful before I speak. 

[KittenLePurr]

On 9/16/2022 at 9:53 AM, Mia1 said:

I wanted to mention in my last post how important I find eating healthy to be in this process. If I have any cheats whatsoever, even small ones, it will send me into a wave. I think this is the one thing everyone can agree on during tapering, diet is so important. I also forgot to mention my brain fog which is at least moderately significant. A lot of times I will simply forget what I was saying and it can take me a long time to articulate what I'm trying to say. This can be challenging when I'm working to say the least but I find that if I don't put any pressure on myself and just take my time it's not very noticeable. And I think on a deeper level it's helping me to be more thoughtful before I speak. 

I relate on the healthy eating 100%...I'm so sensitive anyway but in w/d it is SO much more intense. I'm so amazed you can let go of the pressure on yourself when struggling to articulate your thoughts. I've struggled with brain fog so much as you know, and I've come to realize that the biggest struggle of all is that voice in my head, saying, "Hurry up! You have to get this thought out or [whoever] will think you're [an idiot, weird, not interested, unprofessional, whatever the case may be!" and that feeling of pressure like OH NO, I can't remember my words. Without that layer of pressure and self-criticism/self-consciousness/people-pleasing, it would be a MUCH smaller issue, at least with regards to speaking. When I'm trying to write with thick brain fog, it's similar though: the anxiety around "not being able to think straight" makes everything much worse than just the brain fog alone, which can be mitigated at least some with cold showers, grounding, EFT. Maybe not cures, but they definitely help me. And love the silver lining of carefully choosing words. ❤️

 

[KittenLePurr]

On 9/16/2022 at 9:42 AM, Mia1 said:

Hi @KittenLePurr, so the CBD helps with the headaches and nausea and motion sickness I have been experiencing but not so much with akathisia. And I notice it does have an overall calming effect on my mind. As we know so much of this varies from person to person, just do some research first if you do decide to take it because it does have interactions with drugs and supplements. And I'm not sure if you're aware but one of the benefits of taking CBD is lowered blood pressure so it might help you there as well!! From what I read and understand though it has to be taken daily to feel the full effects over time. I hope that helps, if you happen to take it and feel comfortable posting your experience I would love to hear how it works for you since it is helping me so much. 

I hadn't read that! I'm going to read up on it...had no idea it would interact, although it kind of makes sense. Maybe nothing makes the akathisia improve, but being calmer and in less pain often helps me keep contact with the gentle observer inside, with acceptance.  Thanks