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Mia1: hope in early recovery


Mia1

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I'm becoming activated by the smallest things, to the point where it can make me feel sick.  I've actually had to put a hold on some projects because it's just not worth the stress and I made the decision this week that I'm going to have to cut back on some of the things that I'm doing that's more physically taxing, like the gym and volunteering. I'm still going to do it but just not as many hours. This frees up energy for me to continue working, something that really helps me and gives me some sense of normality.  I honestly don't know how people do this with full time jobs and kids.

 

I remember reading someone's post a while back and she said that if she could just rent a cabin in the middle of the woods and not have to deal with anyone or anything until she was better.... I can so relate to this. I have certain triggers that I just have to avoid right now to the best of my ability. So much of this now is keeping a certain level of calm for my nervous system to heal and whatever that takes I'm going to do. It's hard for me to explain this but if I didn't understand how to let go of thoughts and expectations this process would seem impossible and feel very scary. When I do get stuck on a scary thought or get too emotionally wrapped up in something then all my symptoms are intensified to the point where I feel panicked and very sick. If I accept and allow and let go I can just sort of float through it (thank you Claire Weekes!!)

 

The CBD continues to help alleviate some of my physical symptoms. Stretch yoga and hot Epsom salt baths (especially Teals muscle recovery soak) have really been helping with the muscle aches and spasms I have been getting in my back. Arnica gel has also been helping with the aches and pains.  And of course just resting as much as I can, this process can be so physically draining.

 

I'm hopeful that if I can manage my stress and activity levels I will continue to be functional throughout the worst of this withdrawal.  

 

 

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • Mentor

@Mia1  You are so close my friend....I know that you will be able succeed and be drug free soonnnn...🌞

 

I so can relate to being easily activated.  Noticing your limits and adjusting to them is the right move... Learning when and how much to push and when to step back and rest....

 

I love the idea to find a cabin in the woods (it has to be by a lake) and let our brains heal.... NO added expectation on ourselves... Someone drops of groceries once in awhile....Ohhhhh picture sitting by the lake listening to the gentle waves calming you...Hear the bird sing and the gentle wind in the trees.  Then as the weather cools having a fire in the cabin to sit by....

 

Mia you've got this🌞♥️

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 9/22/2022 at 10:31 AM, Mia1 said:

I'm becoming activated by the smallest things, to the point where it can make me feel sick.  I've actually had to put a hold on some projects because it's just not worth the stress and I made the decision this week that I'm going to have to cut back on some of the things that I'm doing that's more physically taxing, like the gym and volunteering. I'm still going to do it but just not as many hours. This frees up energy for me to continue working, something that really helps me and gives me some sense of normality.  I honestly don't know how people do this with full time jobs and kids.

 

I remember reading someone's post a while back and she said that if she could just rent a cabin in the middle of the woods and not have to deal with anyone or anything until she was better.... I can so relate to this. I have certain triggers that I just have to avoid right now to the best of my ability. So much of this now is keeping a certain level of calm for my nervous system to heal and whatever that takes I'm going to do. It's hard for me to explain this but if I didn't understand how to let go of thoughts and expectations this process would seem impossible and feel very scary. When I do get stuck on a scary thought or get too emotionally wrapped up in something then all my symptoms are intensified to the point where I feel panicked and very sick. If I accept and allow and let go I can just sort of float through it (thank you Claire Weekes!!)

 

The CBD continues to help alleviate some of my physical symptoms. Stretch yoga and hot Epsom salt baths (especially Teals muscle recovery soak) have really been helping with the muscle aches and spasms I have been getting in my back. Arnica gel has also been helping with the aches and pains.  And of course just resting as much as I can, this process can be so physically draining.

 

I'm hopeful that if I can manage my stress and activity levels I will continue to be functional throughout the worst of this withdrawal.  

 

 

Thank you for reminding me of arnica and epsom salts. That might sound weird I don't think of baths, but I never do! I'm getting spasms and back pain too. I'm glad you're stepping back where you need to. Those things can wait and always be picked back up later...something I have to remind myself.

 

Actually, what am I talking about? I avoid doing things like the plague most days😂 And then I hear all those thoughts that I'm lazy, lame, whatever that part of me says and have to just let it go. This absolutely would be really scary and feel impossible without the practice of detaching and letting go. You're moving mountains, @Mia1. I don't know how people do this while working full-time with kids either and I'm so thankful we have some more leeway(sp?) !

1990s Zoloft, Prozac, and a litany of other drugs including mood stabilizers

1998 Effexor 140mg and Remeron 40mg (I think) - quit cold turkey 2006 and NO W/D! Oh, to be young again... 

2004 Lorazepam 0.5mg; switched to Klonipin 2010

2010 Klonipin 1-2mg/day - decreased gradually down to 0.35mg 2016-2017 & held, then tapered off April-July 2020

2012 Lexapro and Seraquil/Remeron - quit CT 2012 after 1 month of use

2013 Methadone 80mg (for heroin addiction;) decreased to 30mg 2016-2021

2014 Effexor 75mg - tapered off over 1.5 weeks by doc 2017

2017 Citalopram 20mg - started tapering Dec. 2019-March 2020; got down to 14.35 mg then paused to taper off Klonipin

2021 - Citalopram down to 12.8mg in April; July 11.52mg, August 10mg, Oct 9mg, Nov 8.1mg, Dec 7.8mg

2022 - Citalopram 7.4mg

2023 - September - off methadone! FINALLY OPIOID-FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Supplements: Tryptophan, 5-HTP, Tyrosine, vitamin D, topical magnesium, ashwagandha, phenibut, lion's mane, CBD, GABA

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  • 2 weeks later...

I got hit pretty hard with COVID for a couple weeks and it made the withdrawal process feel really difficult, sometimes impossible. To be so sick on top of sick I just didn’t know how I was going to make it. And of course those thoughts that I was never going to be well again just doubled down and felt overwhelming and despairing. I continued to choose a positive attitude, no matter how difficult that felt, and just took care of myself the very best I could until I felt better. I’m now fully healed from COVID and am back to at least feeling a lot less sick.
 

I’m down to .10 mg today and as I taper each week it becomes a bit more intense (especially akathisia) but really no less manageable. I have read a lot about the cumulative effect of tapering benzodiazepines and I sometimes find myself bracing for it. I don’t know if that will happen but I continue to relax into the symptoms. I remember that I only need to accept and breathe. This knowing has helped to keep me calm and sane through the worst of it. 
 

I decided I’m going to jump off at .05 mg so I have just about a month to go…..

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • Administrator

Glad to hear that you are feeling better!! COVID truly is a butt kicker to say the least!! Positivity truly is the key!!

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • 4 weeks later...

I got hit again with a flu, I think my immune system is really compromised by the tapering process. It's so painful when I'm sick, I can't begin to describe what it does to my mind and my akathisia is just so intense. It feels like I have a chemical burn on my entire body and really bad muscle aches. I also have really intense OCD, it's like nothing I have ever experienced before in my life. I'm coping as best as I can and I'm hoping as I recover from this flu and I'll get back to my W/D normal. These past couple days have been pretty tough.

 

I'm at .08mg and I decided that I'm going to extend my taper by two weeks and jump off at .02mg, three more weeks. Just hanging in right now.

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • Mentor

So sorry to hear you are sick!  It does seem to be much harder with the drugs affect on us.  I have been sick more this year than I have in 10 years.  Praying you recover quickly. HUGS!

  1. .025 Xanax 3 x daily  Start date 10-13-2013 through 8-13-2014.  Started tapering 6-2014 to 8-2014.  Some small discomfort. 25 mg Zoloft - Start date 5-1-2014.  50mg. 6-2014.  through 7-14-2014 .  Started tapering  7-14-2014, stopped tapering 10-2014.  I did 1/4 of the dose a month.  small discomfort.  These next 3 were prescribed when I made some seriously bad choices with my thyroid medication.  Was in ER twice for possible heart attack.  INTENSE anxiety, panic, fear.   Lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks.  Thyroid levels bounced to extremes for 8 months. Dr. prescribed Zoloft 50mg  9-2105.  After 2 doses had a bad reaction passed out in my bedroom. Also prescribed Xanax .025  at the same time. 3 times daily, 4 if needed.  Was only on it about 2 weeks.  Was not working.  Trip ER they gave me an Ativan IV and it worked and lasted.  switched to Ativan. 9-24-2016. 1.5 mg Ativan - .5 mg  three x daily -start date 9/24/16.  Attempted taper start 12-16-2016. Was shaving Pills and alternating tapering AM, PM and midday dose weekly.  Buspar .5mg  -2.5mg. am and 2. 5mg. pm start date 9-26-2016 .  Lexapro .10mg  start date  - 10-26-2016. Found SA and began 10/14/2017 tapering .001 by weight of pill  every 4 days Held longer if there were was WD.    Was very sensitive to Ativan. 3-15-2018 Off midday dose - 7-16-2018 Off PM dose - OFF ATIVAN! 11-17-2018 10 mg. Lexapro. PM - 5 mg start date 10/11/2016 increased to 10 mg 2/2/17. 1-1-2019 Began tapering Lexapro.  .001 gm every 4 days.  Held longer if there was WD.  Last doses some I held a month.  OFF LEXAPRO! 2-21 2021 5 mg. Buspar  divided into two, 2.5 mg doses AM and PM- Start date 9/26/2016 Cold turkey on Dr. direction, AM and Pm  doses.  Reinstated  9-22-16. Began Buspar taper 1-29-23, .001 mg by weight of pills.  N.P. Desiccated Thyroid.  1-2023 Labs okay but not where I feel best. 60 mg. daily now but adding 15 mg. more  twice weekly for a few months then check.  Bioidentical hormones. Bi-est/Prog cream, 1/4 tsp.  1 time daily

My intro: Moonpie:. Need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

My benzo thread: Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello @Mia1

Sorry to hear you're sick, having a fever/virus can be quite a challenge when our nervous system is already trying to find a balance, and the effect on restlessness and racing thoughts can be really hard: hang on, it will pass, it always does ❤️

I discovered and carefully read your thread today and wanted to thank you: your faith in your abilities despite the difficulties, your determination to become the observer of the symptoms rather than diving into their lies and your resolve to become the best parent/friend you can be to yourself are very inspiring and have given me food for thought.

I will follow your journey with great interest, but above all with great support and gratitude.

Take care ☀️

 

2006 : 20mg Paxil+Bromazepam. 2008 : cold turkey of both. 2010 : Reinstatement 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam.

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, slow taper to 0mg.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days). 22 Aug 2019 updose to 10mg (was at 8.4mg).

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate + fish oil

Current medication :

* 7pm Diazepam  : 0.85mg (15 Aug 2022) / 0.95 mg (24 April 2022) / 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* 8am Prozac : 6.16mg (25 oct 2022, feel awful, slight updose) / 6.08 mg (9 oct 2022) / 6.24mg (11 July 22) / 6.44mg (22 May 22) / 6.64mg (4 Nov 21) / 6.72mg (8 oct 21) / 6.8 mg (15 Sept 21)6.88mg (14 Aug 21)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 21)

 

I am not a professional, I don't give medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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@Moonpie it's funny because normally I really never get sick either and this past year, even the past six months, I have been more sick than in the past ten years. Luckily I'm feeling better and getting back to withdrawal normal!! Your prayers and hugs mean so much to me and I'm sending some right back. 🤗 How are you doing/feeling?

 

@Erell you are so right that it always passes, thank you for that reminder. And thank you for stopping by and lending me those kind words, it means so much to me and I was touched that you will be following my journey ❤️ I'll be stopping by your thread to find out about your journey as well.

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • 3 weeks later...

It’s been two years and eight months but I’ve finally made it, I am completely done tapering medication. I decided to stick with my original plan and jump off at .05. I feel like I’ve been on such a long journey from home and now I’m headed back, exhausted and worn, but I know what’s waiting for me so I’m excited too.

 

I stopped taking the CBD in October. Even though it did help me I just couldn’t bring myself to become emotionally, physically or psychologically dependent on anything outside myself for my well being. I will stick with fish oil and magnesium citrate until I’m healed but I will never rely on anything again to fix me. It has taken me so long to realize I was never broken.

 

My tale is almost over but it’s not quite done. I will continue to stop by from time to time to check in but for the most part I’m going to start putting this behind me. For everyone tapering and recovering I wish you the absolute best, you’re a bad ass and you have nothing but my respect. For those who are struggling please know that this is temporary, it’s not who you are. The drugs can do messed up things to our brains. It’s a scary journey but an exciting one too and beyond rewarding when you get to the other side. Don’t give up, you have totally got this. You are so strong ❤️❤️

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • Mentor

Thank you for your good news!! I am so happy for you!   You have had such a long hard journey, but you have soldiered through and shown such courage. Your posts  have always been an encouragement to me and your sweet and caring spirit.  I'll pray the Lord will bless your new life med free! HUGS!

  1. .025 Xanax 3 x daily  Start date 10-13-2013 through 8-13-2014.  Started tapering 6-2014 to 8-2014.  Some small discomfort. 25 mg Zoloft - Start date 5-1-2014.  50mg. 6-2014.  through 7-14-2014 .  Started tapering  7-14-2014, stopped tapering 10-2014.  I did 1/4 of the dose a month.  small discomfort.  These next 3 were prescribed when I made some seriously bad choices with my thyroid medication.  Was in ER twice for possible heart attack.  INTENSE anxiety, panic, fear.   Lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks.  Thyroid levels bounced to extremes for 8 months. Dr. prescribed Zoloft 50mg  9-2105.  After 2 doses had a bad reaction passed out in my bedroom. Also prescribed Xanax .025  at the same time. 3 times daily, 4 if needed.  Was only on it about 2 weeks.  Was not working.  Trip ER they gave me an Ativan IV and it worked and lasted.  switched to Ativan. 9-24-2016. 1.5 mg Ativan - .5 mg  three x daily -start date 9/24/16.  Attempted taper start 12-16-2016. Was shaving Pills and alternating tapering AM, PM and midday dose weekly.  Buspar .5mg  -2.5mg. am and 2. 5mg. pm start date 9-26-2016 .  Lexapro .10mg  start date  - 10-26-2016. Found SA and began 10/14/2017 tapering .001 by weight of pill  every 4 days Held longer if there were was WD.    Was very sensitive to Ativan. 3-15-2018 Off midday dose - 7-16-2018 Off PM dose - OFF ATIVAN! 11-17-2018 10 mg. Lexapro. PM - 5 mg start date 10/11/2016 increased to 10 mg 2/2/17. 1-1-2019 Began tapering Lexapro.  .001 gm every 4 days.  Held longer if there was WD.  Last doses some I held a month.  OFF LEXAPRO! 2-21 2021 5 mg. Buspar  divided into two, 2.5 mg doses AM and PM- Start date 9/26/2016 Cold turkey on Dr. direction, AM and Pm  doses.  Reinstated  9-22-16. Began Buspar taper 1-29-23, .001 mg by weight of pills.  N.P. Desiccated Thyroid.  1-2023 Labs okay but not where I feel best. 60 mg. daily now but adding 15 mg. more  twice weekly for a few months then check.  Bioidentical hormones. Bi-est/Prog cream, 1/4 tsp.  1 time daily

My intro: Moonpie:. Need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

My benzo thread: Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering

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On 11/26/2022 at 11:01 AM, Mia1 said:

It’s been two years and eight months but I’ve finally made it, I am completely done tapering medication. I decided to stick with my original plan and jump off at .05. I feel like I’ve been on such a long journey from home and now I’m headed back, exhausted and worn, but I know what’s waiting for me so I’m excited too.

 

I stopped taking the CBD in October. Even though it did help me I just couldn’t bring myself to become emotionally, physically or psychologically dependent on anything outside myself for my well being. I will stick with fish oil and magnesium citrate until I’m healed but I will never rely on anything again to fix me. It has taken me so long to realize I was never broken.

 

My tale is almost over but it’s not quite done. I will continue to stop by from time to time to check in but for the most part I’m going to start putting this behind me. For everyone tapering and recovering I wish you the absolute best, you’re a bad ass and you have nothing but my respect. For those who are struggling please know that this is temporary, it’s not who you are. The drugs can do messed up things to our brains. It’s a scary journey but an exciting one too and beyond rewarding when you get to the other side. Don’t give up, you have totally got this. You are so strong ❤️❤️

WOW @Mia1, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I have been repeatedly blown away by your strength and equanimity, and I am SO EXCITED FOR YOU!! How are you feeling? I'm sure the excitement and accomplishment are lending to your feeling pretty damn good.
 

I am BEYOND grateful for all the encouragement and wisdom you’ve shared on your journey. Your words and support were the catalyst for my developing the ability to observe my thoughts and symptoms without letting them overwhelm me and I really can’t even put into words how much you sharing your journey has helped me. I think about you often when things get intense and remember what you’ve said, and it reminds me I can handle it, that I am not my symptoms or thoughts and I can always choose peace—we always have a choice, even when it feels like we don’t. 
 

I can’t really put into words how grateful to and inspired by you I am. Blessings and please do check back in to let us know how you’re doing! ❤️❤️❤️

1990s Zoloft, Prozac, and a litany of other drugs including mood stabilizers

1998 Effexor 140mg and Remeron 40mg (I think) - quit cold turkey 2006 and NO W/D! Oh, to be young again... 

2004 Lorazepam 0.5mg; switched to Klonipin 2010

2010 Klonipin 1-2mg/day - decreased gradually down to 0.35mg 2016-2017 & held, then tapered off April-July 2020

2012 Lexapro and Seraquil/Remeron - quit CT 2012 after 1 month of use

2013 Methadone 80mg (for heroin addiction;) decreased to 30mg 2016-2021

2014 Effexor 75mg - tapered off over 1.5 weeks by doc 2017

2017 Citalopram 20mg - started tapering Dec. 2019-March 2020; got down to 14.35 mg then paused to taper off Klonipin

2021 - Citalopram down to 12.8mg in April; July 11.52mg, August 10mg, Oct 9mg, Nov 8.1mg, Dec 7.8mg

2022 - Citalopram 7.4mg

2023 - September - off methadone! FINALLY OPIOID-FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Supplements: Tryptophan, 5-HTP, Tyrosine, vitamin D, topical magnesium, ashwagandha, phenibut, lion's mane, CBD, GABA

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On 11/26/2022 at 11:01 AM, Mia1 said:

It’s been two years and eight months but I’ve finally made it, I am completely done tapering medication. I decided to stick with my original plan and jump off at .05. I feel like I’ve been on such a long journey from home and now I’m headed back, exhausted and worn, but I know what’s waiting for me so I’m excited too.

 

I stopped taking the CBD in October. Even though it did help me I just couldn’t bring myself to become emotionally, physically or psychologically dependent on anything outside myself for my well being. I will stick with fish oil and magnesium citrate until I’m healed but I will never rely on anything again to fix me. It has taken me so long to realize I was never broken.

 

My tale is almost over but it’s not quite done. I will continue to stop by from time to time to check in but for the most part I’m going to start putting this behind me. For everyone tapering and recovering I wish you the absolute best, you’re a bad ass and you have nothing but my respect. For those who are struggling please know that this is temporary, it’s not who you are. The drugs can do messed up things to our brains. It’s a scary journey but an exciting one too and beyond rewarding when you get to the other side. Don’t give up, you have totally got this. You are so strong ❤️❤️

Congratulations!!!! @Mia1

Some day i will be able to share my journey completion. I am so happy for you!! Hallelujah, sweet Jesus ♥️ Please come back and keep us updated on your post taper life. We love hearing inspiring stories of your beautiful life. 

Hugs!!

Chlo❤

•Celexa 40mg 1999-2021•COVID August 2021•Celexa stopped working•Zoloft 100mg Sept21'-Oct21'•Zoloft did not work •Lexapro 10mg Oct21'-Nov21'

•Lexapro did not work

•Lexapro 5mg Nov21'-1/17/22 switched to Lexapro liquid form 5mg 1/18/22•4.75mg 1/19•4.5mg 1/25•4.25mg 2/1•4.0mg 2/8

•3.75mg 3/28•3.5mg 5/23

•3.25mg 5/30•3.0mg 6/19

•2.75mg 6/26•2.50mg 7/10•2.45mg 7/18•2.40mg 7/25•2.35mg 8/1•2.33mg 8/26•2.27mg 9/15•2.21mg 9/23•2.16mg 9/30•2.10mg 10/14•2.04mg 10/24•1.99mg 11/18•1.95mg 1/02/23•1.90mg 1/09•1.80mg 1/27•1.75mg 2/21•1.70mg 3/6•1.65mg3/14•1.60mg 4/07•1.52mg 4/30•1.48mg 5/07•1.40mg 6/08•1.36mg 6/17•1.32mg 6/27•1.28mg 7/17•1.20mg 8/18•1.15mg 9/13•1.12mg 10/15•1.06mg 1/20/24•1.02mg2/16•1mg 2/27•D3K2•MagnesiumGlycinate•C•zinc•Omega3•Probiotic

I don't know much, but 3 things I do. There is a God. His word is true. Stay close to Him and He will bring you through. Amen🙏

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@Mia1

Congratulations Mia on being med free. You have done a great job. 

 

I sent you a PM regarding a resource you mentioned.

 

Hibari 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Congrats Mia! I’ve just read through your thread and I’m so happy you’re med free. I am dealing with akathisia and I saw you post on dadtobes topic a reference to certain meditations that really helped you, and I was hoping you could share those with me :). How is your akathisia? Does it come and go? How do you learn to deal with it and keep on living? Wishing you all the best in your new med free life!!!

2000-2018 150-200mg Sertraline and Vyvanse

2018- vyvanse 60mg to 0 over 6mo. 200mg Sertraline to 150mg. 2019- 150mg Sertraline to 100mg. Early 2021- 100mg to 87.5, two weeks later 87.5 to 75mg, 1.25-4mg bromazepam PRN. Mid 2021 - Feb 2022 taper 2.5%-5% 75mg to 50mg. March 2022 bromazepam for 3 weeks. May 9th 2022 started Propranolol, 10mg in the morning and 10mg in the evening. July 2022- off propranolol Oct 2022- off birth control. Dec 2022- updose sertraline 100mg, benztropine 1mg and Ativan 1mg. March 2023- stop benztropine. May 2023 - ativan taper finished. May 2023 - updose Sertraline to 125mg added propranolol 40mg added Ativan 1mg. July 5- sertraline 112.5mg propranolol 60mg, quick 2 week Ativan taper. Current meds: propranolol 60mg, sertraline 106.25mg, Ativan .025mg, B6, CoQ10, Magnesium Glycinate

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

It’s been about 6 weeks since I finished my Klonopin taper. I can’t begin to explain how absolutely insane that first month was, it was certainly harder than I thought it would be. I had such extreme activity in the form of intrusive thoughts and OCD that I would become deeply confused and would have to remind myself on an almost minute by minute basis what was happening. 

 

I still have a lot of intrusive/OCD thoughts but it’s a little less intense and now I’m feeling really deep body aches/pain and akathisia so intense it can hurt to breathe. I’m also feeling/experiencing chemical fear and anger states that I couldn’t begin to explain. I guess it’s not necessary though because my point is I’m okay. I was going to wait at least a couple more months before I posted but I wanted to share this to show that you really can be both emotionally and physically unwell and at peace, they are not mutually exclusive states. And that you don’t need to be afraid or despair, you really don’t. This is temporary.

 

I remember a while back I posted a quote that reads “I’m not afraid of storms because I’m learning how to steer my ship.” Well that was and is absolutely true but what I’m finding is that I’m not afraid of storms because not only can I steer my ship, I know where to steer it. I am the port in the storm, I am the guiding light. 

 

And beyond that I see that storms are not scary, they’re not something we need to avoid. They create the wind that pushes the ship. I’m not afraid of storms.

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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Thank you @Moonpie @KittenLePurr@Chloand @Hibari for stopping by to offer your support, it means so much to me and I hope you are are doing well ❤️

 

@Lauren90 Everything that has helped me, whether a quote or video or concept or technique, I have shared on my thread. If you have a chance to go through it I hope that it can help. This is not an easy journey but I have found tremendous meaning in it and I am just at the point where I have not only deeply accepted it but I actually am grateful for it. It has brought me back to myself so it has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. 

 

With that said I know it's not easy and until you get to that point there really is a lot of suffering. Keep finding ways to accept and change the experience, find your meaning and purpose and don't be afraid. You are going to be okay ❤️

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • 1 month later...

It's been almost three months since I completed my last taper and I wanted to share with everyone how I have reclaimed my life through all of this madness. 

 

When I first started back in 2020 I decided that I was going to take a “spiritual” approach to my healing because honestly I just wanted to stop the suffering. I thought if I could meditate enough and stay present enough I could transcend the experience altogether.  What I discovered is that the spiritual work is “hard”. It's not easy facing yourself and peeling off the layers, especially with the limitations and confusion of a brain injury. And while I was doing this hard work I came to the deep realization that it was for me another way to escape my present moment. That the truest and purest way out of the suffering was simply acceptance. Accepting exactly what was happening in this present moment without trying to change it at all. When I was able to truly do this my mind would calm down because it would cease to search for a way out. This is what brought me true peace. It’s the simplest thing I have ever done and the most difficult. Ah, the paradoxes of life.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I'm so deeply grateful I did take a spiritual approach because I would never have grown and evolved in the ways that I have  and I never would have rediscovered myself. What I’m saying is that in and of itself it’s a means to an end, a way to acceptance. I see that all the things I have tried to help ease my suffering have been a means towards acceptance, i.e finding meaning, mantras, spiritual videos, therapists etc. It was all just a way to help me make sense of it so that I could ultimately accept it and let it go. And I honestly think it’s what we’re all doing, just finding a way to accept what is happening to us right now. A way to stop judging it, a way to let it go.

 

So ironically in this realization I have found the ultimate in what I was looking for, I have found true and abiding peace in any situation and all I had to do was accept it. This is the only spiritual practice that I now need. I accept myself in the present, no matter what is happening or how I am feeling. I let go of any judgements, fears or any other low level emotion that will take me away from NOW. It’s the only practice I need and not just for this experience but for all of life’s experiences.

 

From this perspective I honestly consider myself healed because I am truly free from suffering. I see the potential for everyone to use this as a way to free themselves from the illusion of suffering and be free too. I know it feels real, believe me I do, but if you can find your reasons for accepting what is happening RIGHT NOW you can be free too. I hope and pray for everyone to find their way here. 

 

In the spirit of this site I will return one more time to post my recovery story at the one year mark. I thank all of you for being a part of my journey 🙏💜

 

I leave you now with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs:

 

Fare thee well now

Let your life proceed by its own design

Nothing to tell now

Let the words be yours, I’m done with mine



 

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • Moderator

Brilliant post Mia1. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

 

Acceptance and contentment are the two keys to life.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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@Mia1, touching post. Enjoy your life drug free. 🙂 

Hopefully, I am not too far behind you in my recovery.

Diazepam: Prescribed for 1 month; CT by GP; free since 2019-12. 

Zopiclone: Prescribed for 6 weeks; very fast taper over 6 weeks; free since 2020-01. 

Amitriptyline: Prescribed 10mg from 2004 to 2012(?); 25mg from 2012(?) to 2019-10; 50mg in 2019 November; attempted CT (very fast taper) in December 2019, reinstated within 2 weeks at 20mg;  Start slow taper in June 2020: 2020-06: 18mg; 2020-08: 16.6mg; 2020-10: 15.9mg; 2020-10: 15.45mg; 2020-10: 15mg; 2020-11:15.45mg; 2020-11: 15mg; 2020-11: 14.5mg; 2020-12: 13.7mg; 2021-02-12: 13mg; 2021-03-05: 12.5mg; 2021-03-11: 12mg; 2021-04-16: 11.5mg; 2021-06-06: 11mg; 2021-10-03: 10.5mg; 2021-11-24: 10mg; 2021-12-23: 9.5mg; 2022-01-19: 9mg; 2022-03-08: 8.5mg; 2022-03-29: 8mg; 2022-05-16: 7.5mg; 2022-06-14: 7mg; 2022-07-13: 6.5mg; 2022-08-21: 6mg; 2022-10-29: 6.3mg; 2022-11-29: 6mg; 2022-12-11: 5.5mg; 2022-12-18: 5mg; 2023-01-21: 4.5mg; 2023-02-17: 4mg; 2023-04-23: 3.5mg; 2023-08-27: 3.3mg; 2023-09-20: 3.1mg; 2023-10-15: 2.9mg; 2023-11-11: 2.7mg; 2023-12-04: 2.5mg; 2024-01-04: 2.3mg

Supplements: Fish oil (1g)

Discontinued supplements: Vitamin C (1.25g); D3 (4000IU); zinc (15mg); boron (3mg); magnesium glycinate (800mg); melatonin (0.3mg, reduced from 0.6mg in 2022-06) discontinued on 2023-12-08

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  • 9 months later...

It's been about a year now since I tapered off my last medication and since I'm not ready to post a success story I thought I'd drop by and share an update.  I had high hopes that at the year mark this would really start to be behind me but I'm probably only about 40% there if I had to quantify it. I see improvements from last year for sure but it has been very slow and I have only experienced one true window. For the most part I had been w/d normal and was able to work 20 hours a week, exercise and engage in other day to day activities. Then at the one year mark I started to go into a deep wave and I have been pretty sick since then. I'm still doing a few things each day but I have had to cut way back to rest and focus on my recovery. I have a deep longing to feel better but at the same time I don't put any expectation on myself and try my best to enjoy my days. Through this experience I have learned to keep a loose hold on things and this is probably helping me the most. 

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • Mentor

@Mia1  Welcome back my friend.    Sorry this is dragging on for you....You are strong and determined, I know that you can do this.  You have so much time and healing behind you that surly your going to round the corner soon.  I know we have been at this for a few hard and long years and battle fatigue can take hold but girl I know you got this....🌞  

 

Sending a big hug and encouragement your way🤗

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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On 12/5/2023 at 2:03 PM, Mia1 said:

It's been about a year now since I tapered off my last medication and since I'm not ready to post a success story I thought I'd drop by and share an update.  I had high hopes that at the year mark this would really start to be behind me but I'm probably only about 40% there if I had to quantify it. I see improvements from last year for sure but it has been very slow and I have only experienced one true window. For the most part I had been w/d normal and was able to work 20 hours a week, exercise and engage in other day to day activities. Then at the one year mark I started to go into a deep wave and I have been pretty sick since then. I'm still doing a few things each day but I have had to cut way back to rest and focus on my recovery. I have a deep longing to feel better but at the same time I don't put any expectation on myself and try my best to enjoy my days. Through this experience I have learned to keep a loose hold on things and this is probably helping me the most. 

It's so good to hear from you. I still think of you often and all the acceptance you taught me, and I'm sorry to hear you haven't seen the improvements you'd hoped for. It's so hard, I know. Glad you're taking things in stride, keeping a loose hold, and focusing on your recovery. You are amazing and will get through this

1990s Zoloft, Prozac, and a litany of other drugs including mood stabilizers

1998 Effexor 140mg and Remeron 40mg (I think) - quit cold turkey 2006 and NO W/D! Oh, to be young again... 

2004 Lorazepam 0.5mg; switched to Klonipin 2010

2010 Klonipin 1-2mg/day - decreased gradually down to 0.35mg 2016-2017 & held, then tapered off April-July 2020

2012 Lexapro and Seraquil/Remeron - quit CT 2012 after 1 month of use

2013 Methadone 80mg (for heroin addiction;) decreased to 30mg 2016-2021

2014 Effexor 75mg - tapered off over 1.5 weeks by doc 2017

2017 Citalopram 20mg - started tapering Dec. 2019-March 2020; got down to 14.35 mg then paused to taper off Klonipin

2021 - Citalopram down to 12.8mg in April; July 11.52mg, August 10mg, Oct 9mg, Nov 8.1mg, Dec 7.8mg

2022 - Citalopram 7.4mg

2023 - September - off methadone! FINALLY OPIOID-FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Supplements: Tryptophan, 5-HTP, Tyrosine, vitamin D, topical magnesium, ashwagandha, phenibut, lion's mane, CBD, GABA

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Hey @Mia1, good to hear from you and sorry your recovery is taking longer than expected. The big wave at the 1 year mark could be a precursor to a big improvement so hang in there. 

Diazepam: Prescribed for 1 month; CT by GP; free since 2019-12. 

Zopiclone: Prescribed for 6 weeks; very fast taper over 6 weeks; free since 2020-01. 

Amitriptyline: Prescribed 10mg from 2004 to 2012(?); 25mg from 2012(?) to 2019-10; 50mg in 2019 November; attempted CT (very fast taper) in December 2019, reinstated within 2 weeks at 20mg;  Start slow taper in June 2020: 2020-06: 18mg; 2020-08: 16.6mg; 2020-10: 15.9mg; 2020-10: 15.45mg; 2020-10: 15mg; 2020-11:15.45mg; 2020-11: 15mg; 2020-11: 14.5mg; 2020-12: 13.7mg; 2021-02-12: 13mg; 2021-03-05: 12.5mg; 2021-03-11: 12mg; 2021-04-16: 11.5mg; 2021-06-06: 11mg; 2021-10-03: 10.5mg; 2021-11-24: 10mg; 2021-12-23: 9.5mg; 2022-01-19: 9mg; 2022-03-08: 8.5mg; 2022-03-29: 8mg; 2022-05-16: 7.5mg; 2022-06-14: 7mg; 2022-07-13: 6.5mg; 2022-08-21: 6mg; 2022-10-29: 6.3mg; 2022-11-29: 6mg; 2022-12-11: 5.5mg; 2022-12-18: 5mg; 2023-01-21: 4.5mg; 2023-02-17: 4mg; 2023-04-23: 3.5mg; 2023-08-27: 3.3mg; 2023-09-20: 3.1mg; 2023-10-15: 2.9mg; 2023-11-11: 2.7mg; 2023-12-04: 2.5mg; 2024-01-04: 2.3mg

Supplements: Fish oil (1g)

Discontinued supplements: Vitamin C (1.25g); D3 (4000IU); zinc (15mg); boron (3mg); magnesium glycinate (800mg); melatonin (0.3mg, reduced from 0.6mg in 2022-06) discontinued on 2023-12-08

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  • 1 month later...

Thank you @Greatful, @KittenLePurrand @SurreyGuy for stopping by and offering your kind words and support, it really means a lot to me.

 

I realized that over the past year I may have prolonged my recovery by taking supplements in tea, gummy and pill form occasionally to help ease my physical symptoms, and although I generally eat well I was still allowing for a cheat day once a week. I honestly didn't think it was a big deal at the time but I have cut everything out the past couple of weeks and see an improvement so I'm definitely staying away from everything until I am better. 

 

I am still in a pretty significant wave right now and in some ways it feels like I'm almost at the beginning, that has been pretty difficult for me at times. And yet I also see the gift of this experience daily, I see how deeply I grow day to day, week to week and month to month. I literally have no fear, none, and for that alone it has been worth it. I have also learned to love myself unconditionally and I notice how kind and loving my inner voice has become. I feel like I have lived four lifetimes in four years. 

 

I would like to be well and have this behind me now, but I will continue to be patient and accept what is because how I respond to this experience is the one thing I do have control over and acceptance is the one way I can always bring myself to peace. 

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • 4 weeks later...

I had a window yesterday, the first one in about a year, and it was fantastic. I felt like ME again. I have been so lost in the constant chatter of my mind that I forgot what that was like. And the really nice part is that it lasted ALL DAY Long and today I can still feel a little bit of it. So I really am hopeful I may be on my last leg of healing now. It has been so long that I have felt well that I was starting to accept that maybe I just wouldn't heal, or at least not fully. So if anybody else has been going trough this very long term and you are post taper and not feeling better take comfort that the brain and body are resilient!! I would just stay away from all supplements until you are better.

 

I believe one of the biggest factors to getting windows now has been the change I made to my diet. I have always been healthy but now I've taken that to the next level and have been doing intermittent fasting along with green smoothies loaded with nutrient dense foods for the brain. I also do not touch any supplements anymore aside from magnesium and fish oil, which I have taken from the beginning and seems to really help.

 

Just wanted to update, it doesn't seem like may people come back post taper unless they are posting their success story. The time between post taper and a success story can be just as long and difficult but it doesn't mean you are not going to heal. I think it just means you have more to learn. Wishing everyone their own window and a lot of healing vibes, we are true warriors 💜🙏

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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Intermittent fasting can do wonders.

 

I feel like I do much better when I do it.

 

I'm not sure why, it must be some head gut connection.

Med History - 2014 - 2020 - Zoloft, Effexor, Klonopin, Lexapro, Buspar (No longer on any of these)

Went to my doctor for an annual and mentioned I was stressed, gave me Zoloft, stopped it after 3 months because it didn't do anything, ended up in withdrawal and was told I had a mental illness.  I've been diagnosed Bipolar and Clinically Depressed.  

Current Med Taper 

Lamotrigine - 25mg (May 21') -> 24mg (May 23') -> 23mg (July 23') -> 22mg (Aug 23') -> 21mg (Oct 23') -> 20mg (Dec 23')

Supplement: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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