prairierose: rose of the prairie turned to dustbowl

[ChessieCat]

@prairierose

 

I'm very interested to know what you are meaning by this.  If you explain what you mean I might be able to find what you are after.

 

On 10/31/2020 at 6:47 AM, prairierose said:

where are the ones who went to fully blown dantes nightmares end up? the survivors that is? can you help me find some?

 

[prairierose]

hey chessie! well i guess the ones who developed intrusive thoughts and then truly decended into the brain burning and akathisia not knowing your own famiky anymore who went to psych wards and polydrugged and may have made a lot of bad bad choices along the way....its a long story. i just sit here and cannot believe my awesome life turned to this bc of safe meds. 

[ChessieCat]

Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal

 

There are plenty of recovery stories in this forum.  You will just have to check them out yourself.  However there are two that I know of who were poly drugged and have recovered:

 

GiaK      withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.

 

Shep     Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines

[ShiningLight]

On 10/2/2020 at 12:27 PM, prairierose said:

titled:  Where are all the healed people?

 

why is there no one as bad as me who will talk to me? im just starting to think there is no one as bad. what i wouldnt give for someone super severe and healed to visit eith me. this is so painful and lonely

 

'No one as bad as me' is actually not an uncommon thing to be said here. I've been around almost two years, and I have heard that a number of times, so you're not alone in feeling that way. 

 

It's a hard process. All of these super low thoughts are part of the withdrawal. I don't mean this as a criticism--your perspective is inaccurate right now. It's not your fault, but ya gotta kind of realize you're not thinking straight right now so try not to believe those thoughts.

 

It's so obvious looking from the outside in that those are withdrawal thoughts, but I know (and remember!) from being inside them how real they feel.

 

Don't give up. Not too long ago you were writing a thread of things that have improved.

 

Look up the story of Laura Delano/Inner Compass Initiative. She was as bad or worse than you and she survived and starting a peer support organization.

 

A lot of the healed people go resume their regular lives, that's where they are. This is a rough experience and once people get past it, a lot just want to ride off into the sunset, which is understandable. They are out there!

[manymoretodays]

Hi prairierose,

On 10/1/2020 at 3:32 PM, prairierose said:

i feel like ive touched the 40% healing line. maybe? 

40% is good.

Are you in a tough Wave right now?

[ChessieCat]

And it's been a tough year this year, with covid, the BLM riots and the US election.

[manymoretodays]

Yup.  And it sounds like you are really grieving your "old self" and also what was done to you. 

I did see your post in the relationships forum.  And hear the pain.  And am thankful that you have your family with you.  It can be so hard though........the waiting for further healing.

40% may be 60% before you know it, and then even more.

((((((((prairierose)))))))) the hugs and butterfly wings. (and you can get irritated at that if you want, just letting you know we care)

Hang in there.

[ChessieCat]

On 11/4/2020 at 3:18 AM, prairierose said:

hey chessie! well i guess the ones who developed intrusive thoughts and then truly decended into the brain burning and akathisia not knowing your own famiky anymore who went to psych wards and polydrugged and may have made a lot of bad bad choices along the way....its a long story. i just sit here and cannot believe my awesome life turned to this bc of safe meds. 

 

PinkFairy is another SA member whose story might encourage you.  She is a single mum with a young son (at one point she was concerned that she would lose custody of him because she was unable to look after herself let alone her son) and has really struggled.  She isn't drug free yet but she has turned a corner and is managing much better than she was.  She has two topics, a regular Intro topic and another topic in the Benzo forum.  I suggest you check out the most recent posts first in both topics and then go back to the beginning to see the comparison.

 

pinkfairy-rapid-taper-of-paxil

 

pinkfairy-in-ad-withdrawal-possibly-zopiclone-and-now-benzo

 

This is her drug signature:

 

Quote

 

Binge drinker thru out my life 17/37,recreational use of street drugs 17-30. Numerous AD from age 23 upwards

Matazpine 30mg 2007-2012

Paxil an zopiclone 2012-2016

Taken off Paxil in four weeks in janurary 2016

Given diazepam 2-4 feb to June 2016

C/t diazepam June (had no idea not too)

Reinstated 8mg of diazepam in July,crossed over to 8mg of diazepam! given 7.5 matazpine.

Nov 2016 at 5 mg of diazepam

Given Olanzpine 2.5 November 28th-stopped

paxil 1mg 3rd of dec -stopped

Started liquid diazpam 10th of jan.alchol free 13month

February 2018 - reduced to 4 mg diazepam and 7.5 mg mirtazapine

November 2018 - tried 2% diazepam reduction - updosed back to 4 mg after one week

 

 

[prairierose]

hey everyone. so do i basically just sit here as the yrs paas by until indont want to die anymore? my stmpoms are healing in many ways but the bad ones are bad enough i realize i may always struggle with s.i. because of them....no i dont need to go to the hospital or call the hotline. i was told to post on my intro so im doing it. i try to distract by doing art, hanging with my doga and watching non stimulating tv shows about hope and perseverance. i pray and listen to healing journeys today on youtube even though it mostly just makes me mad lol. ice got lots of symptoms abd emotions and trauma💗

[ChessieCat]

You might find this topic helpful:

 

best-of-sa-favourite-advice-and-insights

 

 

[Colonial]

On 10/10/2020 at 2:01 PM, prairierose said:

. i cant even make the holidays happen. when you cant see your self in the future its hard to celebrate.

 

Hi Prairierose! 🙂

 

It was always our family tradition to have a "Live" Christmas tree.  Up to last year I could do it.

I had to come to the realization I'm just not well enough anymore from the withdrawals to keep up the pace, so now I'm searching online for an artificial tree.

At least it will let me go at my own pace and not rush past m productivity point.  Otherwise, if I'm not truthful with myself, all I will do is ruin the holidays.

All those little areas of "acceptance" with the medication issues, I've realized what means something to one person is not understood by another.

So, we all just have to continue the best we can and do our best to let go of the unrealistic expectations.  Not easy, but it's all we can do.💖

 

[ShiningLight]

8 hours ago, prairierose said:

hey everyone. so do i basically just sit here as the yrs paas by until indont want to die anymore?

 

You could, or you could actively do things that help yourself. You are the one who gets to decide how you handle this. You can find many tips on this site and many inspiring stories. You are the only one who can make yourself feel better.

I see a number of people offering support, but of late you haven't been interacting with them and replying to what they say or indicating that you're trying their suggestions. That puts you at risk for burning people out.  

[prairierose]

yes manymoredays i do grieve myself and what all has happened so it makes it tough to see what is what. wave or grief and regret and trauma. sorry just now seeing this

[manymoretodays]

1 hour ago, prairierose said:

yes manymoredays i do grieve myself and what all has happened so it makes it tough to see what is what. wave or grief and regret and trauma. sorry just now seeing this

 

Hi prairierose,

Do you have any "on the ground" support going now?  Sometimes, people outside of the family can be really helpful, as far as helping us work through the grief, regret, and trauma.  For me, I couldn't really get after much, in therapy, or even with supportive friends, until just recently.  And I've been off the meds, coming on up to 4 years.....in December.  WD waves, kept setting back into just survival mode for quite some time.  And I got better at surviving, honest I did, and have.......so many things helped.  You can look at my Introduction, if you want.  It's pretty long at this point, it's linked up in my signature.

 

I do know, that now, during this Pandemic, that there is frequently an option to talk with professionals......via some kind of tele-health platform, it's covered now by most insurances. 

 

And for me, it did take awhile to find a therapist, with whom I was comfortable, and who did NOT push drug treatments or further "diagnonsense" on me.  One who listened real well, and then helped guide me in practices that got me moving forward again, rather than stagnating.  I actually found this therapist, while still on medications/drugs.........and have stayed put.

 

Just some thoughts for you to consider now.  And YOU, well you are still in there.......I assure you........just hiding a bit and scared no doubt.  Make no mistake, these "treatments" can do a real number on us.  And the protracted WD syndrome often is, for many of us, much longer than many professionals believe.

 

All my best,  L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

 

 

Edited November 8, 2020 by manymoretodays