Kingfisher86: I think I tapered off Lexapro too fast almost 9 weeks ago

[Lucy1983]

Oh no! I was hoping you are feeling amazing! So sorry to hear about the cold affecting you so poorly:(  It does suck!!!

I pray you feel better soon❤️

 

Lucy

[Kingfisher86]

Hey guys,☀️

 

This wave got me real good, scared out of my mind. But I just had a thought... when it is done and I feel good again I MUST find ways to remember that victory for the next time I am down. No feeling nor sensation is forever. I am cheering myself on but this wave made me cry big time.

[Kingfisher86]

Hey guys,

 

Still in a wave, week 2nd.

I must admit it is not as intense physiclly as before. Low body vibration is almost constant. Tightening of the scalp and some tension on top of my head. Some nausea. 

Emotionally, doom and despair.

Cried all day yesterday and this morning.

 

I take this herbal drops from time to time. Mostly during waves once or twice a day. Didn’t take any today. Drops contain : 10% lavandulae, 30% lupuli, 30% melissae, 30% valerianae).

I am torn now. Not sure if it helps or otherwise...

 

Mornings I take: 

2000mg Omega3, 1000mg vitamin C (with 25 mg rose hips), 5mg Zink &

200mg Magnesium Citrate...

 

Mid day I take:

1000mg Omega3, 1000mg vitamin C (with 25 mg rose hips) &

200 mg Magnesium Citrate...

 

Before bed I take something only if I forgot it during the day.

Please feel free to give me suggestions if you have any.

[mva96]

Hey Kingfisher,

 

Just like you, i'm withdrawing from escitalopram, and i am also in a wave with intense doom, crying spells and despair, as well as nausea 😓  I find going out for short walks and listening to some calm music helps sometimes. But really we just have to tolerate it as best as we can which is so hard at times.

 

Just want you to know i'm in similar place with you and hoping we both get better soon!

 

 

 

 

[Lucy1983]

So sorry that you are having a tough time. The doom and despair feelings are terrible!!! It is important to realize the feelings are WD and are temporary  

You will get better❤️❤️❤️

[Kingfisher86]

☀️Hey @mva96

 

Thanks for reaching out👋🏻 So sorry you have to go thru this too. It is so surreal dealing with WD emotions... such intense fear and doom with little or no bases in reality, yet SO real to us. 

13 minutes ago, mva96 said:

But really we just have to tolerate it as best as we can which is so hard at times.

So true... it comes down to that. Some days or weeks are just pure torture😖

 

I started working from home recently and that disrupted my daily walks, but I have to do better, reorganize. I am trying to get back to the office but so far I am allowed to do that 2 days per week. I used time before and after work to walk and listen to some podcasts. Miss that routine.

20 minutes ago, mva96 said:

 

Just want you to know i'm in similar place with you and hoping we both get better soon!

I hope so too! I had some very good weeks, I am holding on to that.

Please keep in touch👋🏻

[Kingfisher86]

Dearest friend@Lucy1983

Thank you for being here and always supporting me😊 I truly don’t know how I would’ve done this journey without you❤️

[Lucy1983]

Hi Kingfisher. I hope you are feeling better so can enjoy Christmas morning! You are a brave trooper so I know you will get past this.

Be extra kind to yourself and also be patient with yourself.

I am starting my Ambien taper tonight. I really dread it but it has to get done. 

Wish me luck with success!!!

WE are in this mess together till the end💓

 

Lucy

[Kingfisher86]

@Lucy1983

I must admit that wave lessened in intensity but not enough for me to feel peace. 

5 hours ago, Lucy1983 said:

You are a brave trooper so I know you will get past this.

Be extra kind to yourself and also be patient with yourself.

THIS means a lot.❤️There is no other way but to fight.😖

 

5 hours ago, Lucy1983 said:

I am starting my Ambien taper tonight. I really dread it but it has to get done. 

Wish me luck with success!!!

WE are in this mess together till the end💓

I am here Lucy. You are one of the bravest people I know.🌻 You can do it! Many of people before us made it. 

Keep us posted so we can support you☀️

 

[Manati]

Dear Kingfisher86 ♥️,

 

oh wow I just read through your thread and just had to comment, since our stories are SO similar! Even though I have 'accidentially' (naively/impatently) tapered off Effexor/Venlafaxin too quickly (cold turkey from 33mg to zero), instead of Lexapro. But I think they work in a fairly similar way. Just like you, I suffered from terrible physical symptoms for a bit more than the first 2 weeks, that eventually faded into broader, psychological symptoms. I even share your particular fear of being old and all alone, a thought that haunts me during my nightly/early morning states of terror. I am just beyond the 3-months mark, and like you, hesitating to try and reinstate the Effexor. My nervous system feels just too raw! It worries me a bit that, even though you're 2 months ahead of me regarding your last dose, you're still struggling.. I keep my fingers crossed for you to get well really soon, please know that you have a fellow sufferer here going through the same **** with you.

 

I send you a big hug, with all my best wishes and Merry Christmas!

 

[Leila]

Dear @Kingfisher86, I'm sorry you are struggling in a wave... I know how difficult it is expecially to deal with the thoughts of anxiety or fear that this our condition will not resolve soon. But you are a great attitude and I'm sure you can face all these issues!

Keep on and update us!

Leila

[mva96]

Keep going @Kingfisher86! We will get there in the end 😁  The waves will weaken as time passes

[Kingfisher86]

@Manati Hi!🌻

 

I am really sorry I didn’t see your comment earlier. I am glad I saw it now.😀

Welcome to SA! People here have a lot of experiance to help you make good decisions.

As you know we are all so different when it comes to these drugs. Some have easier time, some harder times but in the end people recover. It is about acceptance and endurance. Day by day. ☀️🌼

In my case, trust me, it got a lot easier with time. Yes I am strugguling now but it is nowhere near to what it was in the begining. There are good times.
The reason why I did not reinstate was that WD symptoms I was going through were tolerable. That doesn’t mean it wasnt hard😖
Ask questons on your thread, inform yourself and make decision. It is not an easy one, I know.

On 12/25/2020 at 6:25 PM, Manati said:

I even share your particular fear of being old and all alone, a thought that haunts me during my nightly/early morning states of terror.

It is not as intense as before. It gets better.😅I even have moments when I am free of fear now. Many of these feeling are bc WD syndrome. It will go away in time.
Do you have supportive friends and family to whom you can share these feelings? I have couple of non judgemental friends who I text whenever I feel scared.

I go to therapy as well! I found afordable one. I also listen to podcasts about CBT therapy. 

Also a clean diet can help A LOT with anxiety. You might be doing it already but I just wanted to put that out there.

 

Please write whenever you need support...🌻

[Manati]

Dear Kingfisher86,

 

thank you SO MUCH for your kind words of encouragement and support.

I it is SO difficult to decide on what to do in such a situation. I am trying to reinstate now, as 'manymoretodays' advised me to do so.  

I have a very good support network, also my boyfriend is by my side day and night, I can wake him up all the time and he is always loving and patient with me and the state I'm in. 

Still, at this stage, everything is just horrible and feels like a neverending nightmare. I feel the entire experience is traumatising me, especially as I don't know about the perspective of things.

I'm so glad for you to feel better finally, it makes me wonder if I should have tryed to pull through a bit longer.. Your signature says your were taking the Escitalopram for about 3 years - I have been on Venlafaxine for 15 years, so I am just worried that the length of intake might affect the WD duraction in a bad way.

I have reinstated with 0.8mg since yesterday, so far I can't tell if my terrible last night was due or despite that.

Please, keep your fingers crossed for me - those nightly states are so horrible that I feel I can't bear them much longer. And thank you again so much for your caring response.

💓

[Kingfisher86]

5 hours ago, Manati said:

Your signature says your were taking the Escitalopram for about 3 years - I have been on Venlafaxine for 15 years, so I am just worried that the length of intake might affect the WD duraction in a bad way.

It could be a factor but it doesn’t have to be. It doesn’t have to be bad for you. There is no way to know how things will play out. And this might be a good thing bc you can focus on one day at the time. It is very important not to make up the worst case scenarios in our heads. There are many people who had been on a drug far longer then me or far less, and everybody has/had a different experiance. 

 

I am trying to think of my situation as a project. It will take some time. I will have some bad days, everybody has them, but also I will have some good days. This journey is not linear but one thing is for sure: with time your are healing more and more, no matter what comes your way. We just need to accept the fact that we will have to work on this “project” for some time. 😅 and remember there will be good times along the way.

 

5 hours ago, Manati said:

I have a very good support network, also my boyfriend is by my side day and night, I can wake him up all the time and he is always loving and patient with me and the state I'm in. 

This is amazing! I am so happy for you. Lean into that when things get rough. When things are good just enjoy your family🌻

 

5 hours ago, Manati said:

I have reinstated with 0.8mg since yesterday, so far I can't tell if my terrible last night was due or despite that.

Now that you made a decision stick with it and give it time to see what it does for you.🌼 Ask mods questions and please do not make any rash decisions.❤️

 

5 hours ago, Manati said:

Still, at this stage, everything is just horrible and feels like a neverending nightmare. I feel the entire experience is traumatising me, especially as I don't know about the perspective of things.

Time is passing. Just hang on. Nothing is forever.

Might feel tramatising now but once you feel better it will not matter. 
 

@Manati hugs for u!

[Manati]

Dear Kingfisher86 💓

 

Thank you so much for your kind and wise words - everything you wrote is so true, it's just hard to remember in the eye of the storm. I will try and survive day by day, while sticking to the decision I made, hoping for the best. I really hope things won't get worse, like slipping into a depression under all that strain. Please keep your fingers crossed for me... I will keep updating how things are developing.

 

Thank you so much for caring, it means a lot.

 

Big hug!!

[mva96]

how's it going @Kingfisher86? hope you're doing good 😃

[Kingfisher86]

@mva96Hi🙋🏻‍♀️
 

I’ve been pretty good for the last two weeks! No major physical or emotional pain. I started studying for something I’ve always wanted to do, and I adopted a dog!🐶

It is so weird, when I feel good I cannot imagine ever feeling bad and vice versa. I have little moments of some residual fear creep up on me during good days, but either they leave me or I bring myself back from that state by reasoning. 
 

How are you? Did you reinstate? I scrolled down your thread a bit...

Thanks for checking up on me😀

[mva96]

@Kingfisher86I am very happy to hear that, your new dog is adorable 😂

 

I'm ok thanks, not great but definitely been worse. I decided not to reinstate, hopefully i don't regret it!

[Kingfisher86]

@mva96

About reinstating... I was going back and forth too. But I was told if my symptoms are manageable there might not be a need for it. I am glad I did not reinstate. There were some really though times but I believed it would be better. It is easy to speak now but... yeah. 
 

🙋🏻‍♀️🐶

[Lucy1983]

Hi Kingfisher. Your new baby is precious!!!🐶  So happy that you are pursuing a dream with your new studies! I am excited

about your life🥰

 

I am good except for these darn allergies. They have had me very sick for 2 weeks but am feeling better today. So far:)

 

Lucy

 

 

[Lucy1983]

Hi how are you doing?

[Yesyes123]

@Kingfisher86how are you now? Hope you are doing great!

[Kingfisher86]

@Lucy1983  @Yesyes123 @Leila

 

Hi friends💫

 

I am doing ok:) I am trying to be busy, so I am offline a lot.

As you might know from my previous posts, 2 weeks around my period I crash. When I say crash it is 90% mood wise with little nausea. Just a lot of fear.

 

I realize it is normal bc of the changing hormones but my NS is still little sensitive so it blows it out of proportions😅 I must adimit it is not as bad as before! So healing is right on track. Half of the month I am feeling pretty good like 75% of my best.

1st of Feb. it will be 6 months since I went completly off 5mg lex. And it will be 14 yrs since my dad died. I relized that my anxiety disorder strated back then. It was not as prominent from the beginning but I didn’t work on it so it go out of hand. Still I see progress there as well. I am more self aware when I get lost to fear.

 

As I heal more, I do not froget completly what it feels like to be well😀I can catch myself in despair and being able to recall what it feels to be well, meaning bad will not last forever.

 

I started studying online something I always wanted to do. It doesn’t take up a lot of my time but I am hoping it helps my brain be busy and healthier. There are days when I do not have will to study but that is ok.

 

p.s. Puppy I got helps a lot! I go out of the apt. at least 4 times for him to do his business... he makes me laugh and takes attention from me🥰

 

✨Hope you guys are doing better!✨

 

Please let me know!

[Kingfisher86]

Just wanted to add, even when I don’t feel well, it isn’t as bad as in previous months. Even reasons might not be directly related to WD. Overall, things are getting better. 
I could have not imagined that there will be any improvements at all.

🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

 

 

[Leila]

Dear @Kingfisher86! Thanks for your kind words on my thread! I'm so happy that you feel better! Keep up the good work you are doing! It's beautiful that you had some new goals! I'm sure that it will help you to become the person you want to be! And I'm also sure wound of traumas that unfortunatly life reserves us little by little will be healed!

Your puppy is wonderful and I imagine a good mate! 

Continue to update us!

Hugs&affect,

Leila

[Kingfisher86]

Hi guys💫

 

So looking in retrospect, January proved to be a wave month. It wasn’t as harsh as waves before, and I did have small windows.

I am just trying to put things into perspective so I don’t dismiss all the progress. 

I think I am just surprised that it has lasted this long in milder form. What is physiclly distinct about it is tightening of the scalp and some aches/tension in my upper back. I think that is the one of few physical symptoms that stays with me when in a wave.

 

My mind must be reminded with it of the acute phase of WD so my mind goes downspiral.

I think this emotional battle is making me so tired. Feeling like there is no purpose in life is beyond scary.

In spite of everything, I am able to continue working/studing/exercising/caring for my dog.

What is intresting to me is that I keep having vivid flashbacks (right before falling asleep & while dreaming) into past where I sometimes even feel comforted. Like I can really feel what it was like back then to an emplified level. Then I can reason better about past when awake.

I try telling myself that the length of the wave equals great improvement coming my way. I am wondering on what part of the brain construction was done considering those vivid flashback I did not have before...

 

Please feel free to write me about your 5th, 6th or even 7th month WD experiance. I would appreciate it!

 

It really helps me feel better when journaling here. Thanks for that💫

 

Hope everyone is doing better⭐️
 

Edited February 4, 2021 by Kingfisher86

[mva96]

Hello @Kingfisher86

 

This journey we are on is incredibly difficult. We don't know when it will end, or what the journey will look like. All we know is one day, it will end.

 

I have been in a 'window' for the past month. I'm in my 6th month now. It hasn't been a window where i feel really good or happy, just that the very intense symptoms have gone away. I try to keep in my mind that i will likely hit another wave soon.

 

I think one of the hardest parts of withdrawal is how the milder symptoms sneakily change the way we see the world and our future. It puts this dark filter over everything and makes us believe everything is hopeless. This is not your perception of reality, it is a product of the withdrawal, try to remember that no matter how real it feels.

 

You're doing great. Keep moving forward, and make sure that new dog of yours keeps you company when you're feeling sad 🐕

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kingfisher86]

6 hours ago, mva96 said:

It puts this dark filter over everything and makes us believe everything is hopeless. This is not your perception of reality, it is a product of the withdrawal, try to remember that no matter how real it feels.

This is a great description and such a good reminder. I will be re-reading this whenever I feel low💫

 

6 hours ago, mva96 said:

You're doing great. Keep moving forward, and make sure that new dog of yours keeps you company when you're feeling sad 🐕

Thanks😀 you are doing well yourself.

Puppy is so silly and he brings me back in the present moment whenever my mind goes dark places.🐶

6 hours ago, mva96 said:

have been in a 'window' for the past month. I'm in my 6th month now. It hasn't been a window where i feel really good or happy, just that the very intense symptoms have gone away. I try to keep in my mind that i will likely hit another wave soon.

It isn’t a bad place to be but it isn’t the best either😕 One day waves will end. Lets hope it is soon☀️
 

Thanks for being such a good SA friend @mva96

 

 

 

[Kingfisher86]

*note to self and you: A rough patch doesn’t erase progress I’ve made.

More likely, it is just life amplfied by withdrawal. Or it’s just pure WD.

 

Hey guys,

 

Checking in.

I just had horrific night last night. My brain dug out all of the past important decisions only to make me regret them. At this moment I feel as if I didn’t have any happy past, like I was in a coma for years. Even though I was happy during the past events, brain is struggling make that emotional connection. All is bleak in my head and self-soothing is replaced with self-hatered. I never knew things can be this dark. Hopefully, it doesn’t last long.

 

[mva96]

@Kingfisher86

 

Sorry to hear you're having a tough night.

 

I can relate to what your experiencing. In WD i have regularly found myself beating myself up over past decisions, comparing myself to others and telling myself what a failure i am. 

 

The waves are so tough, as whilst we are in them we forget everything else and can only focus on that feeling. When they end, its like waking up from a dream. Keep going.

[Kingfisher86]

@mva96

Thanks for putting some of my feelings in words.

On 2/18/2021 at 3:49 PM, mva96 said:

beating myself up over past decisions, comparing myself to others and telling myself what a failure i am. 

Like everything good I ever did never existed. Terrible feeling. 

 

On 2/18/2021 at 3:49 PM, mva96 said:

The waves are so tough, as whilst we are in them we forget everything else and can only focus on that feeling. When they end, its like waking up from a dream.

So so true. I am having a hard time but I think is just my inflexible thinking paired with WD. Even without wd I think I would have to face certain things and feel some pain.

[Kingfisher86]

Hi friends,

 

Just wanted to check in.🙋🏻‍♀️

Overall I am feeling ok.

📌I only have one physical symptom: tightening of the scalp muscles.

I woke up in the middle of the night and the back of my head was tighten like somebody was pulling my hair back in a ponytail. It is just annoying and a trigger for emotional reacton.

 

📌Emotionally, it is better but still hard. Thoughts of complete lack of purpose and death seem like a constant. I just learnt to ignore them. 

For some brief moments I feel like everything is alright an peace comes over me.

 

📌My faith was an anchor to me during though times in life. But in WD I feel like my brain cut me off from that support because I felt so distant from my beliefs and my feelings toward my faith were numb. Working on it to make it better.

 

📌March is the 8th month off Lex for me. I sleep and eat well. I exercise regulary, nothing too intense. I walk my dog. Take supplements. Have therapy sessions twice a week.

 

Please, if you have time, let me know if you find yourselves in any of my words. It feels good knowing we are not alone and somebody overcame this.

[Johni]

Hello my friend. @Kingfisher86 I'm glad you're doing well. ignoring it is a good idea, although sometimes difficult to implement. I read that you go to therapy 2 times a week. to the same therapist? many more successes along the way

[Kingfisher86]

2 hours ago, Johni said:

although sometimes difficult to implement.

@JohniSo difficult. I am not successfull all the time. I just think I get sick from being sick from worry, and I let go.

 

2 hours ago, Johni said:

I read that you go to therapy 2 times a week. to the same therapist?

Yes. We do our sessions online for 1 hr  and 30 min. She is with me from the begining of WD. 

[Johni]

my respect neighbor. I wonder if you are? My psychologist has been with me since the beginning of wd. I tried to get into a cbt therapist last week but he said he wouldn’t take it until I finished the previous therapy. I’ll tell you honestly I don’t really see the positive benefits of conversational therapy. Endurance