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Leila: can I see again the stars?


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Hello everybody,

first of all I want to express my gratitude for the moderators of this forum. Your job is very precious and you are my hero and heroines. 

This is my story: I started citalopram at age 28 after a big stress in 2015 because my psichotherapist said it couldn’t be possible manage it with CBT. I think the drug  worked well for me but during the period I took that (4 and half years included the last two of ‘wrong’ taper. As usual I found this site too late) I felt a little bit ‘high’, multitasking, waterproof to the stress.

With my psychiatrist we decided to reduce the dosage (I decided by myself to tapering more slow despite my med advice) and then stop.

Unfortunatly this stop coincided with the beginning of this brutal pandemia and a stressful job like a teacher. Until april 2020 I felt ok (only a strange feeling of angry and regret the past) then I  experimented  depressed thoughts and my mind was fixed about my way of teaching (I didn’t feel able), about my affections (I felt lonely, moody and not loved)... at the end of June I experimented my first night of insomnia (and I was scared about the possibility to return to sleep). Then all the month of July was pure hell... insomnia, cortisolo morning, adrenal crush, extreme muscle tension, ripetitive thoughts, anxiety... In August I decided to move for holiday in a very quiet rural place and I start to sleep a little bit better but I experimented new issues: morning anxiety, feeling of impending soon, weakness, burning and painful nerves, nausea, pseudo dizziness, pseudo panic attack, agoraphobia... On September I start seeing some pattern of wave and windows but the waves are still too bad because of anxiety and this unbearable sensation like my brain is like an electronic control unit that goes crazy and activates nerves (especially in the head, neck, shoulder) and my head pounds and tension is extreme.

Despite agopuncture, massage, tens therapy, yoga... nothing helps with this. I take daily omega 3 and magnesium, I took for two months vitamina D (high dosage because of deficiency ) but I found it overstimulates me...

I decided to cut off with my ex psychiatrist and psychologist who didn’t believe that the withdrawal can come so late and I call on the Dr. Cosci team of Florence involved in a study about discountinuation syndrome. I started a new CBT therapy with a psychologist who knows the AD’s issues. Eventually I decided to take a stop from my job because I wanted take my brain along big stress. 

At this moment I feel hopeless... I’m scared about my future, my job. It seems all I fight for in my life (and maybe I developed my stress for my perfectionist system of life) can crash in a minute. I try to focuse myself about improvements (like sleep) but I feel in cage because I don’t want to come back to the situation of July and I scared about new issues and synthoms.

I think I’m out acute withdrawal and I’m now in a post acute and very difficult withdrawal...

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Leila: can I see again the stars?
  • Moderator

Welcome to Sa, Leila.

 

To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Withdrawal can be delayed, and the symptoms you describe are typical of antidepressant withdrawal.  

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

Here are some links to help you deal with anxiety.

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes
 

VIDEO:  Peace from Nervous Suffering - Claire Weekes (1 hour) (http://sendvid.com/vgquc1dg)
 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help …

 

10 minute Restorative Yoga for Relaxation | Up the wall

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Lorazepam 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020 Begin 6-week Ativan-Valium crossover.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 15mg.  Aug 2016, discovered SA, updosed to 25mg and holding.  Taper is 66% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Thank you, Gridley, your advices are precious!

In this period I often think about coming back to the drug... The only thing gives me hope is the return of normal sleep (although I wake up two or three times in the night)... I suppose it was a good sign.

I know restaintment after 9 month is a challenge and maybe it could get worse...

Is it a correlation between delayed withdrawal and longer post acute withdrawal?

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

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  • Moderator
8 minutes ago, Leila said:

The only thing gives me hope is the return of normal sleep (although I wake up two or three times in the night)... I suppose it was a good sign.

It is a very good sign and an indication of healing.

 

8 minutes ago, Leila said:

Is it a correlation between delayed withdrawal and longer post acute withdrawal?

I'm not aware of any correlation between the two.  

 

21 hours ago, Leila said:

On September I start seeing some pattern of wave and windows

You are healing.  It takes time, but you are going to be fine.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Lorazepam 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020 Begin 6-week Ativan-Valium crossover.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 15mg.  Aug 2016, discovered SA, updosed to 25mg and holding.  Taper is 66% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Lucy1983

Hello Leila and welcome to SA. You will find many people like yourself here and also many people that have had remarkable healing. The main thing is you are not alone! You have come to the right place:)

 Paxil July 1997 - Oct 1998 CT (cold turkey)  Neurontin, topamax, trazadone,  ssri AD(don't remember which one) Dec 1998 - June 1999 CT all drugs

Eflexor  , Xanax  April 2000 -Aug 2000 CT 

Jan 2008- May 2013 on/off lexapro, pristiq, seroquel, lamitical, safras Quitting CT at intervals 

July 2013- Zoloft 200mg  reduced to 100mg on 4/3/20 Stopped taking 4/8/20 Seroquel 800 mg July 2019 reduced to 400mg , 4/15/2020 300mg

 5/10/2020  250mg  5/15/2020 200mg 5/20/2020 150mg  5/25/2020 100mg 6/13/2020 75mg 6/16/2020 50mg 7/19/2020 stopped.

Ambien 10mg  7/2013 reduced to 5mg 4/29/2020

Xanax 0.5mg PRN July 2013- Over 7 year period increased up to 2.0mg daily 

Stopped taking daily on 4/23/20, took 0.25 dose on 7/7/20, took 0.25 dose on 7/21/20, took 0.25 dose on 7/27/20 Stopped

Lamictal 150 mg- 7/2013 - 5/6/2020 112.5, 5/13/20 75mg , 5/17/2020 50mg, 5/28/2020 37.5mg,  6/3/2020 25mg Stopped on 6/11/2020

Propranolol 3/21/2020  Stopped CT 4/20/2020 

Benadryl  50mg  8/26/20 3x daily   (10am, 2pm, 6pm)  11/14/20 Benadryl 75mg 4x daily  Steroid Pack 11/14/20  Benadryl 50 mg x4-6 daily 11/15/20

Magnesium Glycinate 100mg x 3 daily

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Thank you so much, @Gridley!

@Lucy1983You are so kind! Thank you for your words! How is your journey?

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

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Lucy1983

Hi Leila.  I tapered everything over a 2 month period and experienced every WD symptom you describe. I started feeling better around the 90 day period after my final dose.  Other than an irritating tingling/crawly feeling on my scalp I am doing well. To date my other symptoms have not returned. Today I am approaching the future with a cautiously optimistic mindset.  I am hopeful that you will continue to have windows and will heal quickly.  In any case we can thank those that have gone before us that documented their journey. We learn through them that it is indeed a journey, one that will lead to wellness.

 

 

 

 Paxil July 1997 - Oct 1998 CT (cold turkey)  Neurontin, topamax, trazadone,  ssri AD(don't remember which one) Dec 1998 - June 1999 CT all drugs

Eflexor  , Xanax  April 2000 -Aug 2000 CT 

Jan 2008- May 2013 on/off lexapro, pristiq, seroquel, lamitical, safras Quitting CT at intervals 

July 2013- Zoloft 200mg  reduced to 100mg on 4/3/20 Stopped taking 4/8/20 Seroquel 800 mg July 2019 reduced to 400mg , 4/15/2020 300mg

 5/10/2020  250mg  5/15/2020 200mg 5/20/2020 150mg  5/25/2020 100mg 6/13/2020 75mg 6/16/2020 50mg 7/19/2020 stopped.

Ambien 10mg  7/2013 reduced to 5mg 4/29/2020

Xanax 0.5mg PRN July 2013- Over 7 year period increased up to 2.0mg daily 

Stopped taking daily on 4/23/20, took 0.25 dose on 7/7/20, took 0.25 dose on 7/21/20, took 0.25 dose on 7/27/20 Stopped

Lamictal 150 mg- 7/2013 - 5/6/2020 112.5, 5/13/20 75mg , 5/17/2020 50mg, 5/28/2020 37.5mg,  6/3/2020 25mg Stopped on 6/11/2020

Propranolol 3/21/2020  Stopped CT 4/20/2020 

Benadryl  50mg  8/26/20 3x daily   (10am, 2pm, 6pm)  11/14/20 Benadryl 75mg 4x daily  Steroid Pack 11/14/20  Benadryl 50 mg x4-6 daily 11/15/20

Magnesium Glycinate 100mg x 3 daily

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Thanks @Lucy1983 for your kind reply! 💛I’m very happy you feel better and this is the most important thing!

Yes, this is a very supportive community and a testimony for who struggle in the middle!

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

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Welcome Leila,

 

Thanks for sharing your story!

 

I'm sorry you end up in this mess. Withdrawal and a stressful job are good ingredients to become completely hopeless.

Does vitamin d overstimulate you or the magnesium?  I take 200 mg magnesium every day but don't feel very different.

 

You say you have nerve pain in back if head neck and shoulders. I've these exact same symptoms that drive me mad.

 

One advice: I tried to crack my neck and back thousands of times because of the excruciating pain but I found out it is really muscle tension en nerve pain and nothing to do with my vertebrae. Don't start home experiments with your neck. This will only worsen stuff.

 

Gentle muscle excersize and warmth are much better.

 

Do you take acetaminophen? I use it to lessen the pain and it helps lift my mood sometimes.

 

Did you reinstate or was your last dose in January 2020?

 

Good luck and keep up the Spirit!!

 

 

Jozeff

- 2016 - Okt 2017 citalopram some months 15 mg some months 20 mg

- Nov 2017- Apr 2018 citalopram 25 mg

- April 2018 -  June 2018 citalopram 3 month TAPER too fast  from 25mg to 16.5 mg (0.1 mg per day decrease, felt horrible and crashed)

- June 2018 - Aug13th 2018 citalopram trying to stabilize at 16.5 mg for 5 weeks, felt absolutely awful.

- August 14th 2018 - April 29th 2019  citalopram 18 mg (1.5 mg updose). Try to stabilize.-

START TAPER 29 apr 2019 @ 18 mg,    29th Jun 16.4 mg / 19th aug 15.4 mg / 25th Aug 15.2 mg / 30th sep 14.0 mg / 4th dec 13.1 mg2020 citalopram taper approx 1 % per week: 03rd Jan 12.75 mg / 28 Jan 12.29 mg / 18th Feb 11.83 mg, 25th Feb 11.68 mg hold../7th May 11.33 mg hold, 4th Aug 10.98 mg. Holding because of not feeling well.

 

 

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Dear Jozeff, thank you for your answer!

Answering to your question, I think magnesium helps me a little but I think vitamine D (I’m lacking in), taken at high dosage, has overstimulated my CNS...

Yes, muscle tension drives crazy also me...I had a bad reaction with acetaminophen but I want to try an aspirin next time...

I’m struggling also sometimes with an unbearable feeling of impending doom... I don’t know how I can copy with this...

I jumped off drug on January (2 mg)....Unfortunately I didn’t know too much about tapering... I support your tapering and I hope you feel better little by little 🙏

Keep me update!🙂

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

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Kingfisher86
11 hours ago, Leila said:

I’m struggling also sometimes with an unbearable feeling of impending doom... I don’t know how I can copy with this...

You are not alone! It is common in WD. 
You are coping🐳and you go to CBT. You are doing the best you can.

I think Covid is also to blame. I try to act normal but nothing is.
I think you are on such good path to feel better.🌻🌻🌻

 

I would love to hear more of how your days look like🙋🏻‍♀️
 

 

July 19th 2017—July 2018: 10 mg Escitalopram

August 2018— June 2020: 5 mg Escitalopram

 

Tapering started:

June 2020—1st of August.

Lowest dose was 5 mg (5 mg every second day for a couple of weeks, then 5 mg twice a week for a couple of weeks, and lastly 5 mg once a week until I stopped)

 

Drug free: August 1st, 2020

 

I was on 500mg Metformin for PCOS for the last two years. Stopped on 7th of August 2020.

 

Supplements:  Magnesium citrate—400mg; Omega 3—2000-3000 mg; Zinc (slow release)

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Hello Leila,

 

I am sorry to read that you are having a bad time. I am going through the same right now. I stopped taking citlopram in mid April and my symptons came in late June. 

Right now I have the pain in the back of the neck and shoulders( very unpleasant, right?), headache (maybe a consequence of the earlier), feeling down, lacking energy, crying spells, feeling moody and with no patience, brain fog... At least I am experiencing some windows where I feel almost "normal" and I can function as a human being. Also, I think I've pased the panic attacks and suicidal thoughts period, which is a relief.

I am trying to keep a positive mind, but it is not that easy to do that  everytime. I've always had health anxiety, so this is a real challenge for me. 

 

What it helps me with the pain in the back of the neck is the hot water bottle or an electric blanket in the area(always with caution, of course). I haven't tried aspirin because I am afraid of an adverse reaction, so if you try it, please let us know how it went.

 

please know that you are not alone. Hang in there, I am sure it will get better with time. I am here to reading your comments, if you feel like writing:)

 

P.S. It is the first time I write here and English is not my first language, so if I wrote something wrong, my apologies. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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Thank you, Dear Kingfisher!😘

Yes, sometimes I can reach the cause of my anxiety but sometimes it comes out from nowhere... Such an horrible feeling... As you say, I hope CBT can help me!

On 10/13/2020 at 10:09 AM, Kingfisher86 said:

I think you are on such good path to feel better.

Thank you! I hope so! When I red the topics and stories I pray that all of us can find a deserved place of inner peace!

 

On 10/13/2020 at 10:09 AM, Kingfisher86 said:

I would love to hear more of how your days look like

Tomorrow I would put an update. Maybe can help other people in my situation!🙌

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

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Sorry @almuPA! I didn’t notice your post!😕 Your English is very good. Also me I didn’t write in English from high school so I try to do my best!

I’m so sorry you struggle because of the same hellish drug... I think it is a good sign of improvement the fact that you can experiment some windows (and I hope that they can appear often and longer!) as the fact that you have exceeded the worst mental issue! Hold on!💪

Thank you too much for your kind advice! I will keep you informed!

About health anxiety I fully understand... I have been hypochondriac since I was young but when we experiment human vulnerability I think is impossible don’t be worried about our condition!

Text me when you want! It’s such cozy when you feel that your battle is shared!😘

 

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

Link to post

I want to put here the list of my symptoms as testimony (I know this site is a true and important testimony of the reality of WD) and I hope also can help other people and people can interacte with me for suggestions. I hope one day I will heal in a way for which I can give my contribution constantly (it will be my goal)...

 

PHYSICAL ISSUES (eliminated or improved):

- insomnia and jumps when you are sleeping

- cortisolo morning or adrenal issue

- extreme muscle tension (expecially in neck, head and shoulders) and burning nerves

- pseudo vertigo

- nausea and stomach pain

- voracity or gastrite issue

- abdominal bloating (suspected IBS)

- legs giving way and sensation of falling down (like faint)

- fatigue

- irregular period

- itching (orticaria since I took the drug)

- difficult breathing

 

MENTAL ISSSUES (eliminated or improved)

- nightmares

- mood swing / neuro-emotions (expecially anger and irritability)

- need always ressaurance /inhability to stay alone

- anhedonia (a little bit)

- crying spell

- ripetitive thoughts / brooding

- death thoughts (no suicidal)

- depression mode and very sad thoughts about me and my condition

- fear of becoming crazy

- pseudo panic attack

- agoraphobia and a feeling of distance from other people (like I see people go through their life instead of me)

- high anxiety (expecially morning anxiety)

- brain fog and a sensation for that you don't feel present to yourself

 

RESISTANT ISSUES:

- muscle tension in rotation (sometimes only 'mental tension')

- nerves that are activated at random: pain or burning sensation

- pounding head (like it burst)

- feeling of crying (but I don't cry)

- anxiety (expecially in the morning)

- frenzy when I eat or stay without doing nothing with other people

- difficulty to read books or watch TV

- impending doom (horrible) always related with a painful point in my head.

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

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On 10/20/2020 at 4:15 PM, Leila said:

I want to put here the list of my symptoms as testimony (I know this site is a true and important testimony of the reality of WD) and I hope also can help other people and people can interacte with me for suggestions. I hope one day I will heal in a way for which I can give my contribution constantly (it will be my goal)

This is going to help to sooo many people. Just to see the symptoms so well redacted and organized is great:)

Can I ask you how are you feeling lately? Only if you want to say, of course.

I am here if you need something. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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@leila (Sorry I'm still learning this site, so I hope I tagged you correctly....and I can't figure how you get a part of the previous persons text in your own...kindof like you are quoting something....ha! I will figure it out!) ;)
Oh my gosh....EVERY. SINGLE. mental issue....is what I have. Have NEVER had those issues before. But you hit the nail on the head...that's exactly what I'm experiencing. I am starting my reduction next week when I get my liquid medicine....so my journey starts soon! Eeeek!

2005 Started Antidepressants to help with sleep

2005-2017 on and off Paxil, Zoloft, Lexapro, and others that I can't remember

2017 Lexapro 10 mg

2018 Jan-Tried getting off lexapro. (within about a 4-6 week period) 

2018 March- Got back on Lexapro 10mg

2018 June Switched to Wellbutrin. (don't remember dosage)

2018 August Switched to Sertraline. 25 mg, 50, 75, then back down to 50 

2019 October Off Sertraline 

2019 December...back on Sertraline 25 mg 

2020 January-got back on Lexapro 5 mg

2020 March-current Lexapro 10 mg

2020 November currently switching to liquid Lexapro to begin taper

Link to post

Dear @almuPA! Thank you for your kind words in your topic! Yes, we are here to support each other!😘

It’s difficult answering to your question... For the first time during the last week I had a couple of days in which I raised my head and I felt almost ‘me’... Usually windows last from some hours to a day...A window is good because you understand that you can carry on but when a next wave hits is frustrating and it’s hard to see our improvements (and this cyclic way seems to put at the same hellish point and in my opinion confuse our mind).

Some issues went away but it seems the scariest are very attached to me...😕 I pray that these issues can become more manageable...

I write in a journal my daily symptoms and it helps to see how they change. Try to stay focus on improvements...

Yesterday I thought about how I was desperate on August when we welcomed in family our first kitten because I couldn’t enjoy to stay with her or take care...Now we play together and I smile for her funny face. 

We had to take care of all these precious moments: they help us to reach healing...

💗

 

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

Link to post

Hi @Krisseyb! Thank you for connecting to me!

Eheh, you can quote underlining the sentences you want to quote and then it appears a button 'quote selection' that you can push! I don't know if I explain myself in a best way!😆

Knowing that also you experimented these issues comforts me, though I'm sorry that you had to go across this. I think you found a right place on SA and this can make easier your tapering journey! I'm sure! Keep on touch!🙌

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

Link to post
On 10/23/2020 at 2:57 PM, Leila said:

Eheh, you can quote underlining the sentences you want to quote and then it appears a button 'quote selection' that you can push! I don't know if I explain myself in a best way

I think I got it!!! Woohoo!! ;)
It's the little joys in life right???

2005 Started Antidepressants to help with sleep

2005-2017 on and off Paxil, Zoloft, Lexapro, and others that I can't remember

2017 Lexapro 10 mg

2018 Jan-Tried getting off lexapro. (within about a 4-6 week period) 

2018 March- Got back on Lexapro 10mg

2018 June Switched to Wellbutrin. (don't remember dosage)

2018 August Switched to Sertraline. 25 mg, 50, 75, then back down to 50 

2019 October Off Sertraline 

2019 December...back on Sertraline 25 mg 

2020 January-got back on Lexapro 5 mg

2020 March-current Lexapro 10 mg

2020 November currently switching to liquid Lexapro to begin taper

Link to post
  • 4 weeks later...

Update (not very positive) 11 months off drugs.

 

Dear survivors,

this WD some day seems a slow agony. Maybe it's early but for me it isn't till today manageable and this is my hope that one day it will be.

At the moment I'm struggling with these issues:

- tension in some nerves (expecially head, neck and shoulder). This sensation changed frome the beginning: when I did an automassage I could touch many muscle knots in those body areas but now they have shrunk in terms of number. Now I can feel the exact muscles which tend and sometimes give me pain. I did an EMG and the result is that I had neurogenic suffering in the left shoulder and I will deepen about neck pain that maybe caused this. By the way, the tension situation doesn't help to relax this area. Sometimes also I had pain in my sternum. It seems to me that it's the same sensation after a physical effort and I don't know if it' related to acid lactic production. My fear is that could generate a situation of chronic pain...

- a sensation of pounding heart.

- a sensation (expecially in the afternoon) of extreme fatigue and not mental clarity. 

- episodes of stomach acid and abdominal bloating. Better compared to months ago, maybe due to the restrict diet that I start (diary, gluten, sugar free).

- anxiety, expecially in the morning. Try to practise acceptance but at the moment it's more like resignation and I know it's not good because it caused a lack of motivation. 

- the most horrible issue are those I call 'weird issue' and seems to me 'pure abstinence': it seems like you are losing control of your body, headache and pounding neck, weakness and inability to find peace, neither in the bed. Fortunatly, it doesnt' occur so often but it remind me that my brain is still shocked.

 

During this month I experiment very bad waves (expecially during my period...I suppose hormones have a key role in this process), day of WD normal (random but less intense symptoms) and three days of complete windows in which I feel myself again.

It's difficult focus on the thought that windows will come back and I need to hope...But when they happen it seems to me a miracle and I return to be in peace with universe...

 

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

Link to post
  • Moderator
ChessieCat

Because the majority of staff and members speak/read English please amend your drug signature.  Thank you.

 

Please check that the following translation of your drug signature is accurate.

 

Translated using deepl.com

 

Then copy and paste the following to replace the Italian version.  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / awareness, walking / running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat

NEW!!!              INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

 

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

Link to post
Kingfisher86

@Leila I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. You are a fighter. As time passes even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are healing more and more. Good thing you’ve changed your diet! That is a big one! Keep looking for non drug solutions and continue being curious about your body and emotions. I do the same thing. ❤️

July 19th 2017—July 2018: 10 mg Escitalopram

August 2018— June 2020: 5 mg Escitalopram

 

Tapering started:

June 2020—1st of August.

Lowest dose was 5 mg (5 mg every second day for a couple of weeks, then 5 mg twice a week for a couple of weeks, and lastly 5 mg once a week until I stopped)

 

Drug free: August 1st, 2020

 

I was on 500mg Metformin for PCOS for the last two years. Stopped on 7th of August 2020.

 

Supplements:  Magnesium citrate—400mg; Omega 3—2000-3000 mg; Zinc (slow release)

Link to post

Sorry @ChessieCat! I wrote my signature in english but I saw an error and I changed it, while translator tool was active in my page! So it translated all the text!

 

Dear @Kingfisher86, thanks for your kind words! This isn't an easy fight but all we can do is persisting!

I read about your job and I'm happy you are going well! Strenght and courage!💪

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

Link to post

Dear Leila,

I am thinking of you as you experience these painful symptoms of withdrawal.  I believe very strongly that you will feel better eventually.  Meanwhile, I find that recovery can feel so frightening.  Please write whenever you wish as I appreciate knowing how you're doing.

Warmly, Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

Link to post

Dear @arbor, you are always very kind! Thank you and I send to you all my gratitude!

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement: saffron pill (30 mg) + 1 mg melatonin + vit. E, EPA + DHA, magnesium bisglycinate, theanine, folic acid, iron and vit. D3.

Try meditating / mindfulness, running every day, CBT, weekly acupuncture (anxiety protocol) and massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

Link to post

Dear Leila, How much I appreciate your message today.  I had a very difficult night, so to find your message this morning, was a beacon of comradery.  One of the hardest parts of withdrawal for me is the negativity of my thoughts.  Certain traumas from the past replay over and over.  They feel like PTSD.  I realize now that every time they appear in my mind, I should know that the scenes are signs of withdrawal and not about the people or circumstances of the past.  I see an old hurt (or person) in my mind, but have to say, This is the face not of that person, but of my brain injury.  Sadly, I keep thinking that at 24 months I should be recovered, but in fact, more recent withdrawal from other kinds of medications may also still be causing problems.  It is a travesty that any of us should be going through this.  It helps me to think of you when the symptoms are difficult, and repeat to myself, May Leila and all of us be well.

Arbor

 

(Translator online)

Cara Leila, quanto apprezzo il tuo messaggio oggi. Ho avuto una notte molto difficile, quindi trovare il tuo messaggio questa mattina è stato un faro di cameratismo. Una delle parti più difficili del ritiro per me è la negatività dei miei pensieri. Alcuni traumi del passato si ripetono più e più volte. Si sentono come un disturbo da stress post-traumatico. Mi rendo conto ora che ogni volta che appaiono nella mia mente, dovrei sapere che le scene sono segni di ritiro e non riguardano le persone o le circostanze del passato. Vedo una vecchia ferita (o persona) nella mia mente, ma devo dire: questo non è il volto di quella persona, ma della mia lesione cerebrale. Purtroppo, continuo a pensare che a 24 mesi dovrei essere guarito, ma in realtà, anche il ritiro più recente da altri tipi di farmaci potrebbe causare problemi. È una farsa che qualcuno di noi debba affrontare tutto questo. Mi aiuta a pensare a te quando i sintomi sono difficili e ripeto a me stesso, che Leila e tutti noi stiamo bene.

 

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

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