kathy1988: Paxil and Pristiq withdrawal - please help

[kathy1988]

Thanks Shep! I took my first pill a little earlier today around 12:45pm. Or should I take it even earlier?

Yesterday was a good day for the most part with the thoughts mostly not coming until the evening. Today has been a little bit of a rough day... weird thoughts... my dog is sick and I have convinced myself I have had something to do with it? Really scares me as he is everything to me... I think he drank ocean water yesterday when he was at the beach.. but my brain instantly goes to something weird like “did you do something to him?” So stressful. 
 

here is my diary from yesterday

 

Diary: December 8th 2020

 

 

10:30am Woke up feeling pretty good!

11:30am went for a nice long walk on the sea wall.

1:30pm thoughts have returned.. managed to get through the anxiety 

2:30pm cooked dinner

3:30pm took .25mg of clonazepam

4:30 Went to Hairdresser. very anxious but got through

7:00: cooked and ate dinner

8:00pm went for a long walk

9:30 Anxiety returned. Pretty bad this evening. My whole body was kind of numb and felt tight, really sore muscles. had a hot bath and read my book

10:30pm took .25 mg of clonazepam

12:00am fell asleep.

 

thank you!

 

kathy

[Shep]

8 hours ago, kathy1988 said:

I took my first pill a little earlier today around 12:45pm. Or should I take it even earlier?

 

If in doubt, you could space them an even 12 hours apart. 

 

Is the .25 mg of clonazepam at night getting you a full night's sleep? If not, how long are you sleeping? 

 

I hope your dog feels better soon. 

 

[kathy1988]

Thanks Shep. Sorry for the delay in reply! - I have had a couple of busy days. Trying to get all of my baking done to send to Ontario!

 

I will start taking those pills 12 hours apart. I usually do get a full nights sleep when I take the .25 mg of clonazepam before bed, but sometimes not. Do you think I should stop taking these as well? They help with my anxiety, but I know my end goal is to not be taking anything at all. 

 

Here are my diaries from the last two days:

 

Diary: December 9th 2020

 

9:30am Woke up feeling pretty good!

10:30am Ate breakfast

11:30am Went and got groceries, anxiety returned in the grocery store... lost my sense of focus for some time. But got through. 

12:00pm took .25 clonazepam

2:00pm anxiety returned, started baking to keep my mind clear

3:00pm noticed sensitivity to sound, started feeling anxious. Did my breathing exercises and meditation. Felt a little bit better after. 

6:30pm ate dinner

7:30pm went for a long walk

11:00pm took .25 mg of clonazepam

12:00am could not fall asleep, anxiety was really bad.. kept coming in and out of these weird dreams heavily breathing with a racing heart. questioned reality. The usual!

2:30am fell asleep.

 

 

Diary: December 10th 2020

 

5:30am Woke up for work feeling anxious

6:50am arrived at work, did my breathing exercises. Feeling disconnected. 

8:00am ate breakfast

11:30am had lunch

12:00pm took .25 mg of clonazepam

1:30pm thoughts have returned.. managed to get through the anxiety 

3:00pm began feeling disconnected again, drove my father home 

3:30pm Went to the post office. Feeling confused, disconnected and anxious. This went away for the most part when I arrived home.

4:30pm began baking again, felt a little better with a busy mind!

7:00pm ate dinner

8:30pm had a long hot bath

9:30pm Anxiety returned. Read my book and listened to meditation

9:45pm took .25 mg of clonazepam and fell asleep almost immediately.. I took it earlier because I only had 3.5 hours of sleep the night before and my whole body was aching. I was asleep the whole night, and didn't wake up until 10:30am this morning.

 

Thank you!

 

Kathy

[Shep]

Please continue with your notes, Kathy. I'm very proud of you for sticking to a much more consistent schedule. If dosing at noon and bedtime works for you, please stick with it. You may have some ups and downs, but I think this will level out, especially if you can be a bit more consistent with your bedtime dose. As best as you can, try to go to bed at the same time each night so you're taking the benzo at the same times of the day each day. 

 

Also, if you're usual pattern is to wait until you get to work to eat breakfast, you may want to have a healthy snack when you first wake up. This will prevent early morning low blood sugar symptoms, which can mimic withdrawal - anxiety, fatigue, etc. 

[kathy1988]

Thank you so much Shep. I really appreciate your guidance! I am already feeling better the last couple of days. Minor episodes and tough moments here and there.. but much better then before!

 

Here are my last two diaries.. sorry about the delay once again. It has been a busy few days with work. 

 

Diary: December 11th 2020

 

10:30am Woke up feeling pretty good!

11:30am Ate breakfast

12:00pm took .25 clonazepam

1:30pm anxiety returned, started getting ready for work. Intrusive bizarre thoughts still happening

3:00pm arrived at work

6:30pm ate dinner

8:00pm Anxiety returned... weird thoughts and reality questions arose again. Phoned a friend and talked it out.. felt much better afterward. 

11:00pm took .25 mg of clonazepam

11:45pm: Ate a snack - was hungry!

3:00am could not fall asleep, most likely because pasta was my snack and it kept me awake... 

3:30am fell asleep.

 

 

Diary: December 12th 2020

 

10:30am Woke up feeling a little anxious - bizarre thoughts. 

11:30am Ate breakfast

12:00pm took .25 clonazepam

3:00pm arrived at work

7:30pm ate dinner

9:00pm Anxiety returned... weird thoughts and reality questions arose again. Did my breathing, turned on a show to get my mind off of it. Felt better after about an hour.  

11:00pm took .25 mg of clonazepam

12:30am Fell asleep

 

Thank you!

 

Kathy

[ChessieCat]

Please condense your drug signature so that it doesn't take up so much room.  Also reduce the font size.  Since the software upgrade, some of the topics appear on the left side of the screen.  I'm using a desktop computer and your drug signature takes up the whole length of my screen so it makes it difficult to read posts.

 

The drug signature is meant to be a summary of your drug history so that we can see at a glance without having to read through it to get the information.  The information in your current signature is important (but much of it is not needed in the signature) so before changing it I suggest that you copy and post it into a post.  Once you have done this you can copy the link to that post and include that in your signature if you want to do that.

 

The main things we need to see are drug name, dose and the date for the change of dose.  Please see the instructions in this link which explain what we need. 

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

 

Thank you.

 

 

Sept 2015  Effexor (unsuccessful, experienced numb arms and legs - rapid taper and switch to citalopram) 
Oct  2015  Citalopram (Unsuccessful, could not feel my jaw or mouth - rapid taper and switch to Zoloft)
Nov 2015  Zoloft (25mg) - Unsuccessful, puffy lips and skin rash - rapid taper and switch to Paxil)
Jan 2015 Paxil (20-30mg) - Success finally! - No more anxiety or panic - but have gained a significant amount of weight. Came off as I want to have children. 

May 2020 Paxil - Came off over 3.5 months. Experienced all of the withdrawal symptoms, last pill was August 15th, 2020

Sept 2020 Pristiq (50mg) - First suicidal thoughts, intrusive thoughts of hurting others, myself exc... rapid taper over one week

2015 - Oct 2020  Clonazepam - (0.25 mg twice per day) Temporary to manage my panic and anxiety until I see a psychiatrist on Monday October 19th, 2020 to see if I can get another medication. I use this for emergencies as well when I am on a stable medication. 
October 19th, 2020: Started 10mg of Prozac still having intrusive thoughts... increased dose one week later to 20mg as directed by psychiatrist and GP.... thoughts are still here. Now feeling detached and still having horrible thoughts.

November 14th, 2020: Taper of Prozac back to 10mg due to feelings of dissociation and that everything around me is not real. Last pill (10mg) was on November 28th, 2020

December 3rd, 2020: Advised to return and take 10mg of Paxil but have not started yet as I am currently having dissociative thoughts and am afraid things will get worse. I am at a loss.

[kathy1988]

Thanks ChessieCat. Sorry about that, I will update tomorrow.

 

Kathy

[Shep]

4 hours ago, kathy1988 said:

Thank you so much Shep. I really appreciate your guidance! I am already feeling better the last couple of days. Minor episodes and tough moments here and there.. but much better then before!

 

 

I'm glad you're feeling better. I liked the way you added in your non-drug coping skills in your journal. 

 

Please include the number of hours you're sleeping each night when you post your drug and symptoms journal. Is sleep getting better now? 

[kathy1988]

Hi Shep, Sorry for the delay the last couple of days. Yes, I have been getting full night sleeps with the .25 mg of clonazepam. Feeling so much better... I am able to control most thoughts through breathing and anxiety techniques. They go away for the most part on their own after a little while although those scary visions and suicidal thoughts have come the last couple of days... Please don't get me wrong, I would never ever act on them... just scary thoughts that pop in to my head at random. Very strange. I have so much love and appreciation for life... why does this happen? Just anxious thinking?? is it a strange fear?

Here are my last few diaries. 

 

Diary: December 13th 2020

9:30am Woke up feeling anxious

10:15am Ate breakfast

12:00pm took .25 clonazepam

2:00pm anxiety returned, started getting ready for work. Intrusive bizarre thoughts still happening

3:00pm arrived at work

6:30pm ate dinner

11:00pm took .25 mg of clonazepam

12:30am Fell asleep

 

Diary: December 14th 2020

10:30am Woke up feeling a little anxious - bizarre thoughts. 

11:30am Ate breakfast, bizarre thoughts still happening

12:00pm took .25 clonazepam

7:30pm ate dinner

9:00pm Anxiety returned... weird thoughts and reality questions arose again. Did my breathing, exc. Felt better after about an hour.  

11:00pm took .25 mg of clonazepam

12:00am Fell asleep

 

 

Diary: December 15th 2020

7:30am Woke up feeling ok! 

9:30am Ate breakfast

12:00pm took .25 clonazepam

6:30pm ate dinner

7:00pm Anxiety returned. Felt better after an hour. 

11:00pm took .25 mg of clonazepam - I had very strange thoughts. 

11:30pm Fell asleep

 

Diary: December 16th 2020

10:00am Woke up feeling a little anxious - I had very weird dreams  

11:30am Ate breakfast

12:00pm took .25 clonazepam and went for a long walk to help my anxiety

7:00pm ate dinner

9:00pm Anxiety returned... those ideations came back, scary visions as well. 

11:00pm took .25 mg of clonazepam

12:30am Fell asleep

 

Thank you!

 

Kathy 

 

Edited December 18, 2020 by ChessieCat
increased font size

[Colonial]

12 minutes ago, kathy1988 said:

Feeling so much better... I am able to control most thoughts through breathing and anxiety techniques. They go away for the most part on their own after a little while although those scary visions and suicidal thoughts have come the last couple of days.

 

That's great news!

Don't loose heart when the symptoms cycle back.

I know that's hard to hear.

I remember how much sadness and despair would almost instantaneously trigger when a wave arrived.

But thanks' to a lot of what I learned here, I had the faith to believe it wouldn't kill me or be indefinite.

 

And now look how good I turned out. 🤠

Haha.

 

Edited December 18, 2020 by Colonial

[kathy1988]

That is so great to hear Colonial! Thank you so much for sending me that. I will not get discouraged and am so glad you got through. I will get there!! ❤️

[Shep]

5 hours ago, kathy1988 said:

Hi Shep, Sorry for the delay the last couple of days. Yes, I have been getting full night sleeps with the .25 mg of clonazepam. Feeling so much better... I am able to control most thoughts through breathing and anxiety techniques. They go away for the most part on their own after a little while although those scary visions and suicidal thoughts have come the last couple of days... Please don't get me wrong, I would never ever act on them... just scary thoughts that pop in to my head at random. Very strange. I have so much love and appreciation for life... why does this happen? Just anxious thinking?? is it a strange fear?

Here are my last few diaries. 

 

It sounds like you're stabilizing on the consistent benzo dosing. Keep in mind that benzos are powerful nervous system depressants and can have suicidal thoughts as a side effect. So it's the price you pay for a full night's sleep.

 

Since you're doing a great job of distracting and using non-drug coping skills to handle these thoughts, it's likely worth the price because people become suicidal without sleep. Just being aware that it's the drug and it's temporary and as Colonial just posted, it's not indefinite. It will pass. 

[kathy1988]

Hi there, I know it has been a while since I last posted. I tried to stay off the internet for a while to manage my anxiety. I thought my searches and reading stories was making everything worse. Fast forward to today, my anxiety and depression are spinning out of control. I have these feelings all the time that I am losing control, and I really fear the worst. I can’t believe, and am so sad this has happened to me. 
 

I have been advised by my family and loved  ones to return to the doctor which I am doing so next week. I am very afraid to take another medication, as I know they will most likely reinstate me on Paxil which is what I was stable on... living a completely normal life. Do you have any thoughts on this? I am terrified.

thank you,

 

kathy

[Colonial]

Did you stop the benzo or even reduce it?

That would have to be tapered at a slow pace as well.

If you stopped and did not taper properly, that may be the issue.

 

 

You have had 5 adverse reactions in the past and it's been 8 months off Paxil.

Reinstatement this far out, with your history is risky, another adverse reaction even to 10-mgs of Paxil is possible. 

 

 Reinstatement to treat WD would have to be at a low dose to test the waters and only then would you dose up to whatever amount needs to help with the WD.  You are not looking for a "therapeutic dose" in the medical fields understanding, which would be 10mgs, but maybe half of 1 mg to start.

 

Let us know if your benzo has been the same  or any other over the counter products or other medications such as anti-biotics you may have taken since you last posted.

 

Good to hear from you!

[kathy1988]

Thanks Colonial. Nice to hear from you

 

yes, I tapered off the Benzo very slowly and only take 1 a week during desperate times when my thoughts are racing and my panic sets in. Everything was ok for a little while, but these past couple of months have been terrible. I am really struggling living like this and am so ashamed of my thoughts. I am in therapy exc... and nothing is getting better. My urges and feelings of losing control are getting worse... and I slip in to these moments of extreme low. Like a dark cloud is slipping over me and the floor is sinking in. I am so afraid. 
 

thanks for your help!

 

kathy 

[Colonial]

 

3 months is not a "long" taper for a benzo, but you did have all of these symptoms before.

They are classic "fight or flight" thought issues from your system being over stimulated from the WD.

 

Many people are finding their symptoms a little worse with the pandemic, your not alone.

And You have had 2 adverse reactions to new meds since you stopped the Paxil in August, that most recent only 4 months ago, so it's understandable why your not doing well.

 

 

[kathy1988]

Thanks Colonial. Just feeling at the end of my rope here. Appreciate your guidance.