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Kindler: help the healing


Kindler

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Hi all, 

 

I've just signed up, have been a member of benzo buddies for last few months as I thought my problems were from benzos, but as I'm improving I've realized it's more antidepressants. 

 

Long story short I've been on and off Citalopram for past 15 years, each time reached tolerance and came off, only to have what I now know to be withdrawal and reinstated. I can't believe nobody tells you this. Got diagnosed with fibromyalgia (withdrawal), tried Valium, Xanax, ativan, cymbalta, Prozac all stopped CT. 

 

Final wammy was stopping Valium for the 3rd time and trying to up my Citalopram which by this point was only 5mg. (I was on 40mg at 1 point a few years ago and couldn't work out why I couldn't take it anymore.) 

 

Had to go to the ER, now unable to tolerate any medication as kindled on both benzos and AD. I've found even eating ginger puts me into a wave as it affects serotonin. I've been in hell for 6 months and desperate for anything that may help. 

 

Have tried to reinstate twice, but even 0.5mg is too much and takes a month to return to baseline

 

Anyone else as damaged as me, and found any relief? 

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Kindler: help the healing
  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome to SA, Kindler.  I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Here is some information on withdrawal and healing.  Our experience here is that we all do heal, though there's no way to predict how long it will take and that it can be a frustratingly slow process.

 

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

We recommend non-drug coping skills.  Take a look at the links in the following link and see which you think might be helpful to you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • 2 weeks later...

(moved from:  About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms)

Hi looking for some advice as getting desperate. 

 

I've been on and off celexa multiple times, each time suffering muscle pain which I was told was fibromyalgia, I now know it was WD. I was then put on Valium, multiple times cold turkey 3 times. At Christmas I was back on celexa, but couldn't take more than 5mg and Valium 5mg which turned paradoxical so stopped CT in may, a month later I had a major reaction to the celexa, stopped CT, and ended up in ER 22nd June. Tried to reinstate the Valium as advised by hospital but was unable to tolerate even 1mg. I've tried to reinstate celexa, but even 0.5mg is too much! I react to anything that works on serotonin, even ginger! 

 

I'm really struggling, think I have brain damage and my CNS is shot. The doctors don't believe me and keep offering me more drugs. I can't live like this, haven't worked in 6 months. 

 

Considering anything. Does anyone have any ideas how I can get my life back? Would remeron be a really bad idea?? 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus

So that we are better able to offer suggestions please create your drug signature following these instructions.  Please include all drugs and supplements:

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature
Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

Also, to enable your symptoms to be assessed please provide 3 consecutive days of symptoms notes (a complete 24 hour period in one go please) following the example in this post:  Keep Notes on Paper

 

16 minutes ago, Kindler said:

Would remeron be a really bad idea?? 

 

If you have reacted badly to drugs which you have previously tried, then it is highly unlikely that a different drug will help, and it could possibly make things worse.

 

If you are suffering from withdrawal from a drug that you have previously been taking then a tiny reinstatement of that drug might work.  Once we have more information and the daily notes we might be able to suggest which drug and dose you could try.  Please carefully read Post #1 of this topic:  About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Thanks for the reply really struggling this morning, things have eased a bit now. Really unsure what to do. Will update the signature

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Mentor

Hi @kindler! I'm sorry you struggle too much...Also me I'm in Celexa WD... What awful drug! Precisely what are your issues now?

If you can answer, I want to ask you more about fibromyalgia diagnosis because also me I suffer muscle tension and pain and sometimes I suppose it could be something similar...  what were your symtomps? Have they disapperared?

Hang on!

I'm with you!

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement:

- saffron pill (20 mg) + vit. E, omega 3 (EPA + DHA) 2g, magnesium bisglycinate 300 mg, iron , vitamin D3 (2500ui) +K7 (50 ui), vitamin C (1g) + quercitin (25 mg), theanine (as necessary).

 

Try meditating / mindfulness, walking every day, CBT/ACT, massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

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Hi Leila, 

 

 

The diagnosis for fibromyalgia, I could barely walk and in a lot of pain generally for around 3 months. I now realize it was stress flairing up WD symptoms which were quite mild the 1st time around. I reinstated and the pain was more manageable. 

 

Each time I've reinstated tho things have got a little worse, at 1st they made me twitch, so stopped. WD again and muscle pain, reinstated but pain didn't go that time (which I think was anxiety, and paradoxical reaction). That sent me down the rabbit hole of benzos and multiple AD's to Kindle my head we'll and truly. In the end I just had to stop as I was ill. 

 

Main symptoms now are looping thoughts, I can actually feel my brain trying to balance out, it's weird. Anxiety which makes my head spin with thoughts, and I get confused, which causes panic and suicidal thoughts because I just can't take anymore. Pain, fatigue and a general feeling of being unwell, DP/DR and tinnitus. 

 

Things are improving, but just so slowly. I've basically been in WD on and off for 10 years without realising, and now don't know if or when I'll recover from this

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Kindler,

And welcome aboard.  Thanks for getting your signature done too.  If you could just edit in the year(s) prior to the October 19, and also the Start April lines.  Just go to

Account Settings > select signature on the right, and you can edit

 

Sometimes, when recovering from adverse reactions, and WD(withdrawal syndrome), the best any of can do is to begin to adopt lot's of non-drug coping strategies.

It's good that you can feel your brain trying to balance out.  If you go to the main page, or home page here, you'll see the Symptoms and Self Care Forum, from my desk top, it's the fourth topic down.  Take a look there.

 

With the "anxiety" that makes your head spin you might try some simple techniques that may offer some help.  And if possible, engage the help of a therapist, or other non-drug practitioner to help.  When it's real bad and you are stuck in that loop of "fight/flight or freeze" mode, it can be real hard to use any thinking skills or cognitive skills to help in the moment, so at those times it's good to find some breathing techniques, or movement techniques, or anything that might begin to calm oneself.......that isn't harmful.  And then, I do believe, that with time, our bodies/minds/spirits begin to learn new patterns of reacting and we get well.  Eventually.

 

38 minutes ago, Kindler said:

Things are improving, but just so slowly. I've basically been in WD on and off for 10 years without realising, and now don't know if or when I'll recover from this

This is good Kindler.  It can be a long, slow journey sometimes........this thing called healing.

 

Pay good attention to improvements.

 

Gridley, gave you the What is Withdrawal link, that should help you understand a bit more about this process.  I'll include some more from our Symptoms and Self Care forum that I have found really helpful:

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

and taken from that topic, there is this post, which always makes me smile:

Just click on the arrow and it will take you there.

 

Consider starting some magnesium and/or omega 3's too.  The links are in that post that Gridley responded to you in.  Talk with other members too, around what they found helpful.  Don't get lost in any real desperate threads or negative outlooks

8 hours ago, Kindler said:

I'm really struggling, think I have brain damage and my CNS is shot. The doctors don't believe me and keep offering me more drugs. I can't live like this, haven't worked in 6 months. 

 

Considering anything. Does anyone have any ideas how I can get my life back? Would remeron be a really bad idea?? 

.  Look at the Success Stories too. 

 

You can do this Kindler.

We don't recommend other drugs here.  If you'd like to, look up Remeron/mirtazapine to learn more about it, you can do so here:  Drugs.com

Just put it in the top search box there, and you can find out what kind of drug it is, as well as see all of the side effects that might go with it. 

 

We've got many members struggling to get off of Remeron here too.

As you have reported reacting to even small reinstatements of Citalopram, if I were you I would sure hold off on any new drugs now. 

 

Best, welcome,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt 

 

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Thanks manymoretodays, 

 

I know it's not a good idea to try anything new, it's just when the panic hits. I just don't know how much more I can take. 

 

I can't take omega 3, or magnesium. Magnesium set me back a month or 2 and currently in a setback from CBD. I'd probably be a lot better if I stopped trying things, but it's just so difficult. Sometimes I think there's only 1 way out of this. 

 

Day by day

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Hello @Kindler

 

I am so sorry to read that you are having a difficult time. Your story resonates a lot with my own, so I understand every bit of it.

 

Please know that you are not alone in this. Unfortunately, there are many of us in this situation.

 

2 hours ago, Kindler said:

Things are improving, but just so slowly.

That is a good sign. It means you are healing.

 

I am sorry I can't tell you something more helpful. Just that we need to fight this:)

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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@Kindler have you thought about seeing a therapist or counselor? I started about 3 months ago seeing a therapist one day a week. I feel like it's helping me quite a bit. 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. You have to stay strong so the rest of us can hang on to eachother! I'm starting my journey, so I need some strong people ahead of me... ;)

2005-2020 diff AD for trouble sleeping, switched multiple times. 

2020 Dec Escitalopram 10 mg

2021 Jan 10 mg -start BMS taper w/2 wk hold

2022 March 3.63 mg

2022 July 2.65 mg

2022 November 1.96 mg

2023 February 1.48 mg

2023 August .90 mg

.25mg Melatonin (as needed)

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
3 hours ago, Kindler said:

currently in a setback from CBD. I'd probably be a lot better if I stopped trying things

 

At this time it might be better to learn/be taught calming, relaxation and self soothing techniques.  Once your nervous system settles down a bit then you could move on to learning things which can be a bit stressful.  You would have the techniques in your toolkit and would have practised them so you would have got more used to using them and then you would be better able to settle yourself before you became too stressed.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus

  

2 hours ago, Krisseyb said:

have you thought about seeing a therapist or counselor?

 

At this time it might be better to learn/be taught calming, relaxation and self soothing techniques.  Once your nervous system settles down a bit then you could move on to learning things which can be a bit stressful (eg CBT).  You would have the techniques in your toolkit and would have practised them so you would have got more used to using them and then you would be better able to settle yourself before you became too stressed.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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I have started seeing a therapist, but isn't much help. He said without medication it's going to take a long time, and just pushes me to return to work. I can see where he's coming from, as I'm sat alone in a small apartment, and socializing may help. But he doesn't understand how bad this is, he just thinks I have some anxiety. This is anxiety on steroids, with depression and physical pain on top

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

Link to comment

Just had an uncontrollable crying spell for an hour, that's new. Better than some other symptoms so hopefully that's progress?? 

 

Anyone else have this? 

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Oh my gosh, yes.  And sometimes completely unrelated to sad events.  With sad events......I think I still might cry a bit more than the average person, not sure, I haven't done a poll.  Tears can be exhausting too.

Neuroemotions

Deep emotional pain and crying

For me, the unrelated to sadness, crying/weeps, have always been a relief valve to the neuro-irritability.

I.....have.......no.......doubt........cried a small pond or river at this point!

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
16 hours ago, Kindler said:

I have started seeing a therapist, but isn't much help. He said without medication it's going to take a long time

 

It would be better to find a different therapist who is willing to help you without suggesting drugs.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Unfortunately I live abroad, and he's the only one I can find that speaks English. Considering heading home for a few months, but don't want to put my parents through the worry as they're getting on a bit now

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Having a therapist who is pushing drug/s on you is not very helpful, as you probably already know.  You could tell the therapist that you are seeing them because you want to learn whatever non drug technique it is that you need and would like to try that first to see if you can live without drugs first and say that if down the track you find that you are not coping then you would be open to considering a drug but only after you have tried drug free ways first.  Obviously if you have decided that you are never going to go back on an AD drug, you don't have to tell them that, but if you say that you might consider it later it might help to "appease" them and make them willing to try to help you with what you are seeing them for.  I hope that makes sense.

 

Perhaps you might be able to find one who would be able to do Skype/Zoom sessions.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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On 10/25/2020 at 10:25 PM, ChessieCat said:

Having a therapist who is pushing drug/s on you is not very helpful, as you probably already know.  You could tell the therapist that you are seeing them because you want to learn whatever non drug technique it is that you need and would like to try that first to see if you can live without drugs first and say that if down the track you find that you are not coping then you would be open to considering a drug but only after you have tried drug free ways first.  Obviously if you have decided that you are never going to go back on an AD drug, you don't have to tell them that, but if you say that you might consider it later it might help to "appease" them and make them willing to try to help you with what you are seeing them for.  I hope that makes sense.

 

Perhaps you might be able to find one who would be able to do Skype/Zoom sessions.

It does make sense yes thanks. I've just been to see him and he's prescribed me trimipramine. I'm really not sure, but am pretty desperate. The weekend has been terrible, crying. Feel like I'm losing my mind and can't see a way out of this hell. Really don't know what to do anymore, I can't live like this that's for sure

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Generally it is better to reinstate the drug that your brain has adapted to.  There is no guarantee that a new drug will help with the old drug withdrawal and you can end up with withdrawal and/or start up/side effects/adverse reaction for the new drug. 

 

If you do decide to try a new drug, I suggest that you start with a very tiny tester dose to see how you react.  And if your system has become sensitised, you might only need a very small dose, we call it lowest effective dose, but doctors tend to think in terms of therapeutic dose which is an arbitrary term that pharmaceutical companies decide on.

 

I suggest that you do your own research about the drug and its side effects.  There are tabs to different information about the drug here:  https://www.drugs.com/mtm/trimipramine.html

 

I also suggest that you think long term about how you can get off the drug, ie is it possible to get small doses so that you can taper it.

 

I've done a search on SA and there are only a few members who mention it.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Thanks chessie, 

 

I don't know what to do. I'm thinking my problem is more of a reaction to the SSRI, the benzo sensitized me then I took too much celexa. Trying to reinstate has just aggregated it. Really don't know what to do, but I'm really struggling after trying a small amount of CBD oil. I'm just so sensitive. I've searched on benzo buddies too, and not much mentioned. 

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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9 hours ago, Kindler said:

I'm really struggling after trying a small amount of CBD oil

 

cannabis-marijuana-hashish-thc-cbd-or-hemp-oil

 

10 hours ago, Kindler said:

Really don't know what to do

 

All we can do is offer suggestions and information.  You might find it helpful to take a piece of paper and pencil and rule a line down the middle and head it is up with Pros and Cons.  Write down the goods and bads of your previous experiences and write down the possible goods and bads of any new drug.  This will get the thoughts out of your head.  At the moment they are probably swirling around and you are constantly switching between yes I'll try it and then the next moment it's no I won't.

 

These might help:

 

But I only took it for a Week

 

immediate-adverse-reactions-to-an-antidepressant-or-within-a-few-doses-how-long-for-recovery

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery


What is Happening in Your Brain


How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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So I tried a little, woke up at 3 with anxiety and walked the streets for an hour. Sweating heart pounding. Calm now, but won't be doing it again

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus
1 minute ago, Kindler said:

So I tried a little

 

What did you try?  At what dose?  At what time?

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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10mg Trimipramine, around 8 o'clock last night. Was desperate basically, just can't see a way out of this. 

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus

You have made a lot of changes this year and particularly in the last few months and tried two new things just recently, CBD and Trimipramine.

 

From what you have posted none of these helped and some/all made you worse.

 

Perhaps it's time to try to stop trying to fix things and give your brain a chance to get back to homeostasis/factory settings which is what the brain is always trying to do.

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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I suggest that you carefully read this article:

 

https://mentalhealthdaily.com/2014/05/13/do-antidepressants-cause-a-chemical-imbalance-likely/

 

And if you believe the chemical imbalance myth (that you had a chemical imbalance BEFORE you started on the drug/s)  please see this topic:

 

again-chemical-imbalance-is-a-myth-stop-the-lies-please

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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12 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

You have made a lot of changes this year and particularly in the last few months and tried two new things just recently, CBD and Trimipramine.

 

From what you have posted none of these helped and some/all made you worse.

 

Perhaps it's time to try to stop trying to fix things and give your brain a chance to get back to homeostasis/factory settings which is what the brain is always trying to do.

 

 

I agree, I keep telling myself to stop. I just get so desperate. It really is awful at times

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Please read the article I posted above.  It might help you to understand the process better.

 

We here at SA understand the desperation and wanting to fix things.  You feel that there is something that you can do/take to fix things.  Unfortunately there is no magic potion or similar.  Only time.  And doing nothing IS actually doing something even though it doesn't feel like it.  It's giving your brain a chance to do what it needs to do.

 

Think of it like this.  When a child starts to learn to walk you have to let them experience the falls and bumps and having to get up and try again.  And eventually their muscles become strong enough and they are able to co-ordinate their movements and then they are off and running all by themselves.  However, if instead you carried them everywhere or kept them in a stroller they are not going to learn to walk and their bodies aren't going to physically be able to do it.

 

I really like the Rubik's cube analogy in this video:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

And this might be helpful too:

 

On 12/27/2015 at 6:37 AM, Altostrata said:

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are [...] to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. 

 

 

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus

SA strongly encourages members to learn and use Non-drug techniques to cope

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

Link to comment

Thanks for the support chessie. I've had the worst 6 months of my life, but things are improving, I just need to let it happen

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Please check out the links that I posted previously.  The more you understand the process and also have a toolbox of coping skills to call on when needed the "easier" it will make it.

 

It's also helpful to learn to accept the situation.  It is what it is "at this time".  The more you fight against it the more stressful it will be and your nervous system needs to be as stress free as possible.

 

Acceptance

 

And if/when you feel you need to take something to "fix" yourself, remind yourself that you are doing something, you are providing your brain with what it needs.  You could always think about it as your brain is on holidays having a rest.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

Link to comment

Kicking myself now for trying things. It's all completely clear why I'm still suffering so much. Hopefully not too much more damage done now

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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  • Moderator Emeritus

It's great that you have now have the understanding of what is happening.  We have members who it takes them a very long time to "get it" and some never do.

 

Please add the date and doses for CBD and Trimipramine to your drug signature.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

Link to comment

Regret taking that SO much. Vomiting, dizzy... I didn't think things could get much worse... Wrong

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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