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Kindler

Does anyone else just feel desperate, and their not going to survive this? I can't see how I will, and then the waves of absolute terror is unbearable

 

My pdoc wants me to go into a psych hospital. Really unsure as obviously don't want any meds, but been losing my mind sat on my own for 7 months. He said they don't force drugs on you. But then he would say that I suppose


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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ChessieCat

Yes, many members have felt desperate.  I suggest that you check out the Success Forum.  Members do get through it.  It may be very difficult at times.

 

Ask yourself this.  How is going to a psych hospital going to help you?  You will be out of your familiar environment.  You will be with other suffering people.  You will be having to stick to the hospital routine.  Generally the medical profession's solution is to try different drugs.

 

What you are probably thinking is:  Going to the hospital will be the solution to the situation you are currently in.  You want to be taken care of and to be fixed quickly.  It is highly unlikely that would happen.  You have an image in your mind of a perfect setting with perfect answers and it will make you better quickly.  Unfortunately there is no magic and/or quick fix solution.  It's going to take time for your brain to adapt.  And yes, it will probably take longer than you want it to.  We want the suffering to end and we want it to end NOW.

 

It can be helpful to keep a symptom diary.  This way you can be more objective.  When we feel sick, eg with a cold or flu, we just feel awful.  Even if we are feeling better today than yesterday because we still feel awful we don't notice that we aren't blowing our nose as much, or it is easier to breathe or that the headache has eased.  If we write things down we might be able to see that yes, we are a little bit better than yesterday.  Yes, we still feel awful, but there is an improvement.

 

Now is the time to be using Non-drug techniques to cope

 

They are not a magic fix either, but can help you to get through the difficult periods.  The less you stress and stay as calm as possible the easier it will be for your brain to do what it is trying to do.  Adding stress diverts the brains attention away from it working on regaining homeostasis.

 

It's also important not to get caught up with second fear.  This is when you have a symptom and you get scared of it and then another symptom appears which is caused by the stress, not the initial symptom.  Check out this labelled diagram on this website.

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety.htm

 

Please check out the Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal

 

 


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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ChessieCat

Oh yes, and it's best to compare how you are feeling now to how you were feeling at your worst.  Not how you felt at your best or how you want to be feeling.


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Kindler

I was making real progress, but things have gone really wrong now. Possibly back months. Racing thoughts, can't concentrate. I know there's no point in going to the hospital as they can't do much except give me more drugs. Which I really don't want! Just feel like I'm losing my mind. Just had a glass of wine which isn't good, but that a benzo or something unthinkable... I will get through, but it's unbearable at times. And all these so called professionals want to do is push more meds on you to damage your already fragile mind more! It makes me angry there's this attitude, yet it's perfectly acceptable. 

 

Rant over... Going slowly crazier by the day


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Kindler
On 10/30/2020 at 11:23 PM, ChessieCat said:

Oh yes, and it's best to compare how you are feeling now to how you were feeling at your worst.  Not how you felt at your best or how you want to be feeling.

 


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Hanna72

Hi @Kindler

Sorry to hear that you are struggling.  You are not going crazy. Breathe. Don’t follow these thoughts, they are only thoughts. 
I know about being angry to this situation, but don’t forget about your goal. 

17 minutes ago, Kindler said:

And all these so called professionals want to do is push more meds on you to damage your already fragile mind more! It makes me angry there's this attitude, yet it's perfectly acceptable. 

Unfortunately yes this is acceptable, but listen, aren’t you glad that you have realised it and now YOU are in control😉

Hang in there, it will get better, never loose hope and NEVER quit, that’s what will give you success 💪

You can do it!



2000/ 20mg Paxil  for panic attacks. Many attempts to quit through out the years, without any success.

2019- January started tapering 20 mg Paxil. 
2019-October 10 mg Paxil , getting ready for a bridge with 20mg Prozac Took about 1 month during switch.

At one point my withdrawals were so bad I went up to 40 mg Prozac, but went quickly back down to 20 mg and very soon after that 10 mg Prozac.

Off  Paxil 2019/ November started tapering 10mg Prozac 2019/December 8 mg Prozac 

2020/January 4 mg Prozac 

2020/15/3 .09 mg jumped off

2020 March 16 off Prozac  Quetipine 25 mg used 1 time in 15 months, oxezapam 15 mg used 5 times 

Suppliments: Magnesium, omega 3 fish oil ( epa&dha) D and C vitamin 

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” Leo Tolstoy 

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Kindler
33 minutes ago, Hanna72 said:

Hi @Kindler

Sorry to hear that you are struggling.  You are not going crazy. Breathe. Don’t follow these thoughts, they are only thoughts. 
I know about being angry to this situation, but don’t forget about your goal. 

Unfortunately yes this is acceptable, but listen, aren’t you glad that you have realised it and now YOU are in control😉

Hang in there, it will get better, never loose hope and NEVER quit, that’s what will give you success 💪

You can do it!

Thanks Hannah, just feel like I'm back to square 1 but different now because of trying that AD. Had pretty much gotten used to my old symptoms, now there's more!! Just can't find a doctor that actually gets it, and I need 1 on my side to get paid..... Anyway what can you do, living minute by minute today


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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ChessieCat
8 hours ago, Kindler said:

Just had a glass of wine

 

Part of the journey of recovery is taking care of yourself.

 

alcohol-and-beer

 

caffeine-in-coffee-or-tea-tolerance-issues

 

And some members have food tolerance issues and have to temporarily eliminate certain foods.  Eg at this time I cannot eat a Roma/egg tomato for 4 days in a row because I get hives, but other "ordinary" tomatoes seem to be okay.  Some members have an issue with sugar.  For some it is spicy foods.

 

One thing that I would highly recommend not consuming is flavour enhancers, eg MSG (monosodium glutamate).  It is a neurotoxin and tricks the brain into thinking that food has more flavour than it does.  A lot of Chinese food, frozen and canned savoury meals and savoury snacks, eg flavoured chips/crisps, and chicken salt, contain MSG or other flavour enhancer.  Prior to ever taking an antidepressant I became hooked on Pringles Sour Cream and Chive chips.  And my intolerance was so bad that I had to eliminate natural glutamates from my diet for a couple of years.

 

food-sensitivities

 

And another one to be aware of is artificial sweeteners.

 

On 7/6/2020 at 5:50 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

Some months after going off, some people report a serious wave of bad symptoms.  This is about the time that people are feeling very comfortable with their recovery, not realizing their nervous systems are still very sensitive.  This can cause them to get careless in their actions.  Drinking alcohol is a major factor in excellent recoveries getting derailed.  We just had a case of a member who has been drug free for several years with an excellent recovery underway.  They had a couple of drinks over the weekend and tripped off their symptoms all over again.  Luckily, it cleared in a few days, but that is not always the case.

 

 

  

On 10/14/2020 at 5:26 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

It is recommended that you don't drink any alcohol at all during withdrawal and even after reaching "0".  We have a number of members who were nicely into recovery/healing who had a few drinks 10 months after reaching "0" and it threw them right back into acute WD. It is also very common, especially around the holidays, for someone who is having a smooth taper to have a celebratory glass of wine and a day later start an extremely bad wave that lasts a very long time. Also for people who have regular drinks during the week who are having problems with their taper, when they stop drinking they stabilize and have a much smoother time of it.

 

...

 

Caffeine can present the same sort of problems. It is a very strong stimulant and does not mix well with psych meds. It can be very hard to withdraw from but the forum is full of stories of members having problems cause by it.

 

 

 

 


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Kindler

Yeah I realize it's not a good idea to drink. It's my last resort solution, don't do it often. It's not worked as well now with my new symptoms. Definitely made things worse, like being back in acute

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed quote

2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Kindler

So a week today since trying the Trimipramine, and still suffering from the side effects. Scared I've really messed myself up now, although they are getting less intense


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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ChessieCat
11 minutes ago, Kindler said:

they are getting less intense

 

That is a good sign.


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Kindler

I really hope so. Apparently it can stay in your system for upto 10 days, so hoping it's that and not too much more damage.. Why do I keep listening to these doctors? 


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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ChessieCat
2 minutes ago, Kindler said:

Why do I keep listening to these doctors? 

 

Hopefully you've learned that it is a good idea to research things before taking them.  Even if a doctor tells you it is safe etc.

 

Earlier this year a doctor (not my regular one) wanted me to take a cipro antibiotic.  Because of what I have learned here at SA I did my research and refused to take it.  I wanted to try other, safer antibiotics first.  There are several major FDA warnings about cipro especially for older people.  2008 "increased risk of tendinitis and tendon rupture".  When I told her that I didn't want to take it she was surprised but when I got upset said okay we'll leave it and see what happens and do another blood test to check on the infection markers.  Lo and behold my body fought the infection and I didn't need any antibiotic at all.

 

I made the following comment to the other mods earlier today:

 

Even after my major eye opening experience 5 years ago (ie that doctors know little about drug withdrawal and adverse reactions) I think I am even more shocked now than I was back then.

 

Doctors don't seem to do even the most simplest and easiest of things like checking for side effects and drug interactions.  And me, as "simple" as I am, is quite capable of doing it so why can't they?  It is at their fingertips these days and does not take long.

 

And I'm still shocked that my doctor didn't make the connection that my sudden increase in blood pressure was caused by the increased Pristiq dose.  I was seeing the same doctor and I don't go to the doctor very often so it's not like the information would have been lost amongst a lot of other things.

 

I mean, these days you don't even get a patient leaflet with your prescription drug.  There was a time that they asked you if you wanted one but these days it's not even mentioned.

NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Kindler

I've lost all faith in them. I'm only going now because my insurance company is on my case to return to work. Which I can't, but once this is behind me I will need to be dying before I go see 1 again


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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ChessieCat
1 minute ago, Kindler said:

but once this is behind me I will need to be dying before I go see 1 again

 

I, and probably many other members here are SA, hear you loud and clear!  😉


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

Share this post


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ChessieCat

NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Kindler
5 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

they are getting less intense

I take that back... I hope this passes soon. WOW


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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manymoretodays

Oh Kindler,

I hope so too.  I was there once, I remember.  I thought that I would go to hospital and take whatever, and that I just could not survive without.  Then it passed.  Many angels showed up on my thread too, at that time, which helped.

 

You are recovering a bit from your recent trials too.  Keep that in mind.

 

And get on over to the Success Stories too.  When you feel up to reading of some hope, that may help. 

 

Okay, (((((Kindler)))))

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Kindler

Thanks, just getting desperate. Pretty much constant derealization for 6 months. Can't sleep in my bed because it freaks me out. Manage a few hours on the sofa. Plus the waves I get are unreal. 

 

I know the only way out is through, but you just think "maybe" There's a way to ease the pain. Unfortunately it just gets worse. 

 

I'll get through it


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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ChessieCat

It can be hard, but you do have some control, not over what is happening to you but whether/how you react to it or respond to it:

 

Acceptance

  

On 8/23/2020 at 3:00 AM, Brooke said:

I'd say it took about a year for me to feel "in control" of the waves. And by that I mean that they didn't scare me anymore, and my attitude was more of "put on your seatbelt, here we go again" rather than "oh no, what if this never ends and this is who I am forever?" Once I accepted them as part of the situation, they didn't have as much of a handle on me and I was able to work and live through them in a more productive and nurturing way. 

 


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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ChessieCat

And some members say that they try to think of the waves as being one step closer to recovery.  You get through one of them and that is one less that you have to go through.


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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almuPA

Hello Kindler,

I am sorry that you are going through a bad time.

On 10/30/2020 at 10:43 AM, Kindler said:

Does anyone else just feel desperate, and their not going to survive this?

Yes, at least I feel like that. This is the worst thing I have ever had to face. I guess we just need to hang in there and not push ourselves too much. It is easier said than done. I just try to tell myself: I will fight this last time, you can do it just one more time. I know is a poor tip, but is something that is helping me to go minute by minute. 


March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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Kindler

Thanks almu, I'm getting through it somehow. But I never thought it was possible to suffer so much mental pain. 

 

Hope you heal soon


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Kindler

Update, day 9 after taking timipramine, still suffering sx. Anxiety, agitation and muscle pain, and fatigue going through waves. I've really messed up here. I was doing so well until I tried to increase my exercise 3 weeks ago, now things have just snowballed. 

 

Didn't think this through at all, 1 dose is all it took. 


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Kindler

Hope it's ok for me to update as a record... 

 

All hell broke loose yesterday, agitation sky high, heart pounding, extreme muscle pain. 

 

Today a little better, vision and a weird cog fog. Hoping it's sign of improvement, but I seem to be having a mild symptom day followed by intense. 

 

Original estimate was 2 week setback, but after reading some of the links above, really worried that this could be me starting from scratch. Not sure if I can take it if it is. 

 

Time will tell


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Kindler

Looking for a bit of encouragement, I am in recovery from an adverse reaction to Citalopram after stopping a benzo. I've been on and off Citalopram a few times over the years with no major problem. But the benzo obviously sensitized my nervous system, and I stupidly tried to up my Citalopram dose to compensate for benzo WD. That was 6 months ago, and was doing ok, but far from well. 

 

Now I've made things worse by trying trimipramine, 1 dose and immediate adverse reaction. 10 days later and still really bad. 

 

Does anyone think the trimipramine will be the last straw for my brain? Or is there hope


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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ChessieCat
8 hours ago, Kindler said:

Hope it's ok for me to update as a record

 

Members' Introduction topics are for asking questions and journalling progress.

 

Journelling both improvements and set backs can be helpful to look back on during our journery.  I sometimes go and read some of my first few posts from 5 years ago and I realise that I'm starting to forget just how bad I was at times.  And when I am reminded then it makes me realise just have far I've come and how much better I am now than I was even if I'm not feeling fantastic now.  It's having something to compare to.  


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Altostrata

It's not the last straw of anything, now your system will need time to settle down from the drug experiment.

 

It's not a good idea to add drugs when you're in such a sensitized state, especially at anything approaching a "normal" dosage.

 

You might have had benzo withdrawal syndrome, but now you have drug adverse reactions on top of it. You don't have citalopram withdrawal. You can't fix this by adding an antidepressant, you'll have to let your nervous system settle down.

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Kindler

I can't take any supplements, I really don't know what I was thinking taking this AD. Not eating, not sleeping. Feel like I'm tripping. Can't do this again, took me me 6 months to feel pretty ok the 1st time. Now I don't even have energy to do anything


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Kindler

Awful morning, sweats anxiety, dizzy and bad vision. Don't know if I can do this. What have I done to myself now. My normal coping mechanisms I've developed over the months don't work with these new symptoms. Really desperate and can't see a way out. Even my last resort of drink for a hit of GABA I'm not sure will work, it's not had any bad payback in the past but now I don't know. Trying to distract by writing this


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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ChessieCat
2 minutes ago, Kindler said:

Even my last resort of drink I'm not sure will work, it's not had any bad payback in the past but now I don't know.

 

I think you know the answer to this.  Even if it helped a bit it would probably only be temporary and could make things worse later on.

 

Alcohol is a CNS depressant.  And your nervous system is already sensitised.  I suggest that you do not to drink alcohol.

 

From:  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26466222/

 

And a reminder from your own post:

  

On 11/2/2020 at 12:24 PM, Kindler said:

Yeah I realize it's not a good idea to drink. It's my last resort solution, don't do it often. It's not worked as well now with my new symptoms. Definitely made things worse, like being back in acute

 

 

 

3 minutes ago, Kindler said:

My normal coping mechanisms I've developed over the months don't work with these new symptoms.

 

There are others that might help:

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Acceptance

 

AAF can be helpful for most withdrawal symptoms.

 

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

 


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Kindler

I know it's not good, but it has been my last resort in the past and has saved my life. But then I knew it didn't make me any worse, I refrained because I wanted my CNS to recover. I'm just completely lost here with these new things going on, and don't know the chemistry behind it all. 


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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ChessieCat
9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

It's not the last straw of anything, now your system will need time to settle down from the drug experiment.

 

There is no magic cure or quick fix.  And boy do we all wish there was.  If we knew of anything that would help we would be telling everyone about it and there would be no need for SA to exist.

 

Just like may other members here all you can do is take one day at a time, or an hour at a time and sometimes it is moment by moment.

 

I suggest that you check out the Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Kindler

Thanks chessie, appreciate it a lot. Just really struggling. Can feel my brain adjusting which I'm usually ok with, just with these new symptoms it's throwing me off. 

 

Just got a little relief from magnesium, but had a huge setback of over a month from it, so very very nervous of the stuff

 

Will read the success stories when I can read properly again. Vision and attention are a bit off to say the least. 

 

Moment by moment.... 


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Kindler

1400hrs starting to recognise my original symptoms. Encouraged by this, maybe I'm not completely doomed


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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Kindler

Sunday, thankfully pretty much back to baseline with the addition of looping songs in my head which is going to drive me nuts. NO MORE EXPERIMENTS


2006 - 2009 20mg Citalopram fast taper2011 - 2016 40mg Citalopram fast taperJune 2016 10mg Valium 1 month CT
Jan 2018 40mg CitalopramFeb 2019 cymbalta for pain - too many side effectsApril - 10mg Valium for 1 month- made me depressed stopped CTJuly - 0.5mg of Xanax + Prozac, bad reaction stopped after 6 weeks CTSept - 14 days Ativan CT


October 2019 - 5mg Valium + 10mg Citalopram, too much,

December 2019 - CT Citalopram, 

February 2020 - reinstate 5mg Citalopram

April 2020 Stopped Valium CT, sart May tried to increase Citalopram to 10mg, think I OD'd 

22 June  ER visit tried to reinstate Valium, paradoxical

2 failed attempts to reinstate Citalopram 1mg and 0.5mg

20 Oct CBD oil - wave, 27 Oct 10mg trimipramine BAD IDEA

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