Kindler: help the healing

[ChessieCat]

17 minutes ago, Kindler said:

with the addition of looping songs in my head which is going to drive me nuts

 

Yes they are extremely annoying but ,compared to other symptoms, quite harmless, unless you try to bang your head against a wall. 😀

[Kindler]

Now there's an option I hadn't thought of 🤔

[Kindler]

Spoke too soon, wave.... What an absolute nightmare

[Ripley]

Hi Kindler

 

Sorry to see you're in a wave again.

 

You mention that even eating ginger can put you in a wave. Since reading this, I've realised it has the same effect on me (it manifests as a completely sleepless night). I looked into it and apparently ginger interacts with the 5-HT1A receptor, which is a receptor affected by Mirtazapine that I take. So it makes sense that it could have an effect.

 

I wanted to ask you if you'd had any problems with any other ingredients/spices? From experience, I'm wondering if chilli could have the same effect? It looks like I'm going to have to stay away from Indian and Asian food anyway. I'd be interested to know if there's anything you need to stay away from.

 

Thank you for sharing about the ginger.

 

Best wishes

[Kindler]

Hi

 

Ginger and turmeric was all, I was ok with everything else even alcohol. Things are different now though as in Acute from an adverse reaction to trimipramine, so that will probably change if I make it through this

[Kindler]

I've done this once and only just made it... Not sure how to tackle it this time, and it's already been 7 months

 

Got visions of this lasting years, what have I done to myself. I won't last year's of this torment

[ChessieCat]

Getting an improvement in symptoms, even if only for a short time, is a good sign.  Recovery is not linear.  Different symptoms will come and go and improve and worsen. It's because your brain is busy trying to make everything right again.

 

You can't make an omlette without breaking the eggs.

[Kindler]

I was just hoping it was going to be a bit more linear because it was just a single dose. Wishful thinking I suppose

 

On a positive note I survived another day, slight change in coping mechanism adding some music for the earworm insanity

 

The fear of it lasting months is the worst, I keep telling myself another couple of days. BUT? 

 

If anyone is struggling my coping mechanism is

 

Mindfulness

Deep breaths

Touch something with your hand

Music

 

Keeps your senses working and does help to distract

[ChessieCat]

You are doing really well.  You are adapting your coping techniques to the current situation.

 

You have to remember that it's not just the trimipramine at play there are quite a few other things that you've taken and stopped and started.

 

The only supplements which SA recommends are Magnesium and Omega-3 Fish Oil.  Try a small dose of one at a time to see how you react.

 

intrusive-repetitive-song-symptom-or-ear-worms

 

Best of SA - Favourite advice and insights

[Ripley]

20 hours ago, Kindler said:

Hi

 

Ginger and turmeric was all, I was ok with everything else even alcohol. Things are different now though as in Acute from an adverse reaction to trimipramine, so that will probably change if I make it through this

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

I hope your reaction to Trimipramine settles much quicker for you this time. One silver lining is that you're now off all meds so you don't have a future taper (and potentially more destabilisation) to get through. 

[Kindler]

Glad to say after a day from hell yesterday, today has been pretty good. Mild symptoms, but so relived that things are moving in the right direction. Was really worried I'd really messed myself, clean living and no more experiments from here on out

 

Never taking another psych drug for as long as I live, which seems like it might be longer than it has been for the past few weeks 😂

[ChessieCat]

7 hours ago, Kindler said:

Never taking another psych drug for as long as I live

 

I suggest that if/when you are prescribed anything in the future that you do your research before taking it.

 

We have members here at SA who have been prescribed psychiatric drugs off label (and some of the reasons they were prescribed them are quite bizarre!) and they haven't been told what they really are.  Some of them found out after they started them when they researched them, but some didn't find out until after they got withdrawal symptoms from stopping or reducing them.

 

I imagine that there are a lot of people who are prescribed Zyban / Wellbutrin / bupropion to quit smoking realise what it actually is.

[Kindler]

Can feel my brain adjusting today, not the nicest of feelings but it's part of the process. Not as bad as it has been in the past. When it stops my mood changes, happy, depressed. Trying to make a decision at the moment is impossible, I literally keep changing my mind 😂

[Kindler]

Bad morning, dizzy, nauseous, headaches, muscle pain. Losing faith again, can't see any future. Think my head will never fully recover, and I've got a life of loneliness and pain ahead of me. At least before this setback my windows were happy, now my windows are depressing most of the time

[almuPA]

Hi @Kindler,

 

Please don't lose faith. It is easier said than done, but the fact that your having windows, even if they aren't what we expected, it means we are healing. It is a slow process and we will encounter many obstacles along the way, but I am sure we can do it. My windows are not the best either, I can't work, I can't exercise, I can't have a normal conversation because my mind is not clear and I get tired too quickly. But still, we need to believe that our windows will get better. Other people did it before us, we can't we? 

I don't know if this will help you, but what it helps me is to watch funny things. Whatever is a youtube video, a tv show or a meme, it helps me to have a more positive mind. 

[Kindler]

Thanks almu, I'm just so disheartened after going through hell the 1st time. I was starting to do well so tried to exercise, then things went from bad to worse. Can't even walk an hour now. Not sure what to do, basically bedridden for 2 weeks, and not sure for how much longer. I find it difficult to watch TV as I get dizzy. 

 

Anyway, 1 day at a time. Hope you feel better soon with a nice window

[Kindler]

Don't think I can live like this

[ChessieCat]

REMINDER of 2 days ago:

 

On 11/10/2020 at 6:20 AM, Kindler said:

Glad to say after a day from hell yesterday, today has been pretty good. Mild symptoms, but so relived that things are moving in the right direction.

[Kindler]

Yeah your right, I think I'm pushing myself too much too soon. Was exercising ok a few weeks ago, only been walking now but just did a gentle stroll for 2 hours. Vision has gone and muscle pain. Was in bed from 1800 to 0900 after an hour on the bike yesterday, again only slow and not pushing it at all. I'll cut back for a while

[ChessieCat]

Yes, overdoing the exercise might cause an increase in symptoms:

 

exercise-do-more-do-less-do-nothing-what-worked-for-you

 

You might find it helpful to keep some daily notes so that if you feel worse you can look back and see if there is a pattern.

[Daisygirlsk]

On 10/23/2020 at 5:37 AM, Kindler said:

Thanks for the reply really struggling this morning, things have eased a bit now. Really unsure what to do. Will update the signature

Hello Kindler!  I am also in citalopram withdrawal and also tried to reinstate 0.5mg and had a horrible reaction

[Kindler]

4 hours ago, Daisygirlsk said:

Hello Kindler!  I am also in citalopram withdrawal and also tried to reinstate 0.5mg and had a horrible reaction

Hi daisy, sorry you're having problems too. It's not an easy journey that's for sure. Whatever you do if you are as sensitive as me which it sounds like you are, don't try any other psych meds. Things can get much worse

[Daisygirlsk]

32 minutes ago, Kindler said:

Hi daisy, sorry you're having problems too. It's not an easy journey that's for sure. Whatever you do if you are as sensitive as me which it sounds like you are, don't try any other psych meds. Things can get much worse

I wont be! Take care 

[Kindler]

Pretty depressed today. Just turned 46, been in citalopram WD on and off for 10 years, never knew what it was which lead to benzos. Now I've got myself in such a state I'll be lucky to feel ok by 50. Single, no kids completely alone and probably stay that way now. Considering getting a dog for company but can barely look after myself some days. What an absolute mess my life has become because of these drugs. I would have been better off taking heroin

 

Still can't believe I was so stupid as to take trimipramine, still cycling through school symptoms (see next post 😊). I've set myself back months,  don't know how I'm going to manage anything like xmas

 

Edited November 14, 2020 by ChessieCat
corrected auto correct typo

[Kindler]

# cycling sx, not school 😂 dam auto correct

[Kindler]

My brain is so sensitive now! I've noticed after half hour walk my vision changes and get a little cog fog. Been in a fair bit of pain today and anxiety, normally just soak in the bath but after 3 baths decided to take 25mg magnesium. Vision changed and can feel my brain adjusting to it.... WOW 

[Kindler]

Rough morning again. Looks like these new symptoms are here to stay. So gutted

[Kindler]

Really starting to think my mind is broken. This horrible dizziness like my brain is trying to balance out, causing intrusive thoughts has been the biggest symptom. It drives me insane. Anxiety today which is new since the trimipramine, and muscle pain. On top of my dizziness where all I can do is lay down and breath is too much. I get so desperate which leads me to try things, and it just gets worse. Can't see a way out of this

 

Does anyone else get this horrible brain sensation? How do you cope? I was ok with it to a degree, but now with the anxiety I can't ignore it anymore

[ChessieCat]

3 hours ago, Kindler said:

Really starting to think my mind is broken. This horrible dizziness like my brain is trying to balance out, causing intrusive thoughts has been the biggest symptom.

 

The brain is always trying to regain/maintain homeostasis.

 

You've been provided with these before.

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

On 12/27/2015 at 6:37 AM, Altostrata said:

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are [...] to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were [...] to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and [...] to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while [...] is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Dizziness is an extremely common withdrawal symptom, many people here have had the intrusive thoughts fade over time in the usual healing pattern.

 

When was the last time you've had alcohol?

 

Have you tried a little omega-3 fish oil or magnesium?

[Kindler]

Had 1 beer last Wednesday when things were really bad. Omega 3 makes my looping thoughts worse, and magnesium revs up my anxiety, and gave me a benzo setback to Acute. Had a cup of chamomile tea last night, calmed me down, but didn't sleep very well. I just can't find anything that helps really

 

The dizziness is more like my brain adjusting. If I have a cigarette I can feel the dopamine release, if I walk I can feel the endorphins. Anything really, and every few days it lasts for a few hours where all I can do is lay down and let it work itself out. 

[Kindler]

So just reading up on chamomile, it's a CNS depressant and acts on GABA. Just wondering why it's considered good, and yet alcohol which basically does the same thing is frowned upon so much? 

 

I'll be careful with it I think

[Sonia009]

18 hours ago, Kindler said:

Really starting to think my mind is broken. This horrible dizziness like my brain is trying to balance out, causing intrusive thoughts has been the biggest symptom. It drives me insane. Anxiety today which is new since the trimipramine, and muscle pain. On top of my dizziness where all I can do is lay down and breath is too much. I get so desperate which leads me to try things, and it just gets worse. Can't see a way out of this

 

Does anyone else get this horrible brain sensation? How do you cope? I was ok with it to a degree, but now with the anxiety I can't ignore it anymore

Hello Kindler

I'm going through this dizziness, weird head feeling right now. Have been for several days. Can't seem to find a way out. I've been on/off dizzy since I started messing around with my doses and stopping starting etc, a couple of years ago. So fed up! I sympathise with you, really!

[Kindler]

1 hour ago, Sonia001 said:

Hello Kindler

I'm going through this dizziness, weird head feeling right now. Have been for several days. Can't seem to find a way out. I've been on/off dizzy since I started messing around with my doses and stopping starting etc, a couple of years ago. So fed up! I sympathise with you, really!

Awful isn't it Sonia. It had gone, but due to a stupid experiment it's back with a vengeance. Even more sensitive now which I didn't think was possible

[Jodier212]

@Kindler I’m in the same boat. I can hardly eat anything though because of my digestive issues 😔 last night I could hardly sleep because I had reflux running out my nose! It’s AWFUL! I was on Zoloft 8 years no problem until they cold turkey’d me from a benzo and I couldn’t handle the Zoloft anymore! I had to CT it! Then I was convinced by friends, family, psychiatrist, and therapists that it was my anxiety and got on Paxil which was a HUGE mistake! It helped my anxiety but gave me the same muscle tightness as the Zoloft. Now I’m having horrible muscle pain, twitches, and this reflux that feels like it’s getting worse everyday. Doesn’t matter what I eat, it’s there. Apparently my brain got used to the anticholinergic effect of the Paxil which decreases stomach acid and now all hell has broken lose! Also realized my eye muscle is spasming because the anticholinergic effect of the Paxil relaxes this muscle! I’m so so so screwed up now and it’ll probably take years to be back to normal as well. I had asked every doctor and psychiatrist I went to if this could be from the Ativan withdrawal to which they told me no 🙄

[Kindler]

2 hours ago, Jodier212 said:

@Kindler I’m in the same boat. I can hardly eat anything though because of my digestive issues 😔 last night I could hardly sleep because I had reflux running out my nose! It’s AWFUL! I was on Zoloft 8 years no problem until they cold turkey’d me from a benzo and I couldn’t handle the Zoloft anymore! I had to CT it! Then I was convinced by friends, family, psychiatrist, and therapists that it was my anxiety and got on Paxil which was a HUGE mistake! It helped my anxiety but gave me the same muscle tightness as the Zoloft. Now I’m having horrible muscle pain, twitches, and this reflux that feels like it’s getting worse everyday. Doesn’t matter what I eat, it’s there. Apparently my brain got used to the anticholinergic effect of the Paxil which decreases stomach acid and now all hell has broken lose! Also realized my eye muscle is spasming because the anticholinergic effect of the Paxil relaxes this muscle! I’m so so so screwed up now and it’ll probably take years to be back to normal as well. I had asked every doctor and psychiatrist I went to if this could be from the Ativan withdrawal to which they told me no 🙄

So sorry, it sounds all too similar to my ordeal. It makes me so angry that this is happening to people, yet the medical community are oblivious to it. It's ruining people's lives, and they don't even know it. 

 

Hope you start to get some relief soon. I try not to think about the years this will take, and the years already lost to these poisons...