wantrelief

[wantrelief]

Thanks for stopping by @coldturkmama - it is always nice to "see you"!     I hope you are doing well.

[Rabe]

Wanted you to know I am always thinking about you want relief!  💜

[coldturkmama]

On 9/26/2018 at 3:43 PM, wantrelief said:

Thanks for stopping by @coldturkmama - it is always nice to "see you"!     I hope you are doing well.

Not toooo bad  

[Carmie]

Hi wantrelief, 

 

Just checking in to see how you’ve been going since your last drop💚

[Rabe]

Thinking about you want relief!!💜

[Rabe]

Hoping things are going well, want relief!💜

[wantrelief]

Hello friends!  I had a rocky week last week but not sure if that was due to withdrawal or hormones or both (it is always so difficult to know).  I believe I am back at my baseline of withdrawal symptoms now. 

 

I have made some progress in handling headache pain and not always taking something for it.  I also seem to not get as anxious when I have the pain.  

 

In terms of tapering, my plan is to wait a week and then make another 2.5% drop (and then hopefully a second one two weeks later).  I am thinking about holding my taper in November as I have a stressful event (Thanksgiving) then plus, although my cuts have been small, I haven't held off on tapering since starting in February.  So that is the plan....as usual I will have to see if what is planned pans out.

 

I am still experiencing a lot of fear around this process already feeling so unwell and the uncertainty of how tapering will go in this state, especially as I get lower in dose as I am still on a high dose of citalopram.  I continue to work on my CBT skills around the fear and intrusive thoughts but am wondering if this will just be part of the process for me until I get a good glimpse that I am heading in the right direction.  

 

I continue to be in awe of the strength of the members here....your courage inspires me to keep going.  💗

[FarmGirlWorks]

You are an inspiration for your strength, @wantrelief. The stabilization and upcoming wise schedule for cuts is great.

[wantrelief]

Thank you @FarmGirlWorks.  I really appreciate your support and encouragement so much!

[Hibari]

Hi WantRelief

 

A fellow member passed this link onto me yesterday and I found it comforting.  I too have gone through a hard time lately and I am trying to hold onto the perspective I saw here. 

 

I acknowledge the strength and courage you have to keep moving forward.

 

Hibari 

[wantrelief]

Hi Hibari - Thank you very much for your lovely thoughts and for posting the video - I find it comforting as well.  I know you have had a hard time lately and you have been in my thoughts.  You are very strong, Hibari, and a role model for me in tapering.  I really hope you have experienced some improvements.

[Hibari]

Unfortunately, I have only had brief periods of relief.  Sometimes I feel, as many have said, that I will be the only one who won't heal.

 

Don't want to think that way but it does it creep in. 

 

 

[FarmGirlWorks]

Thanks, @Hibari: I have seen that video before but cannot see it enough. I know what you mean about feeling like you'll be the only one left behind. I know it's not true but easy to think that. Hang in there.

[wantrelief]

2 hours ago, Hibari said:

Unfortunately, I have only had brief periods of relief.  Sometimes I feel, as many have said, that I will be the only one who won't heal.

 

Don't want to think that way but it does it creep in. 

Oh Hibari....I understand how you feel and share your fear.  However, I know it doesn't feel like it but even those brief periods are good signs of healing....someone pointed out to me that if we didn't heal we would never even have those moments.  Sending you lots of hugs.....hang in there, you will get through this.

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you.  Hope all is going ok.

[Rabe]

Glad to hear things are stabilizing want relief.  This is all so unpredictable.  I hope things continue to stabilize and that you can move forward with some sense of confidence.  I started some new compounded capsules and boy, rough day today and my daughter and granddaughter are to come tomorrow.

Never realized how so many things can throw is off.  Know that I am thinking about you, admiring your courage, and hoping things will be good for the November events.  💜

[wantrelief]

12 hours ago, Rosetta said:

Thinking of you.  Hope all is going ok.

Thanks, Rosetta.  I am thinking about you too.  

[wantrelief]

8 hours ago, Rabe said:

Glad to hear things are stabilizing want relief.  This is all so unpredictable.  I hope things continue to stabilize and that you can move forward with some sense of confidence.  I started some new compounded capsules and boy, rough day today and my daughter and granddaughter are to come tomorrow.

Never realized how so many things can throw is off.  Know that I am thinking about you, admiring your courage, and hoping things will be good for the November events.

Thank you for your message and kind thoughts, Rabe.  I hope I can move forward with more confidence as well.  I am so sorry you had a rough day.  I really hope tomorrow is better and you can enjoy your visit with your daughter and granddaughter.  I am thinking about you too.

[powerback]

On ‎10‎/‎8‎/‎2018 at 5:54 PM, wantrelief said:

Hello friends!  I had a rocky week last week but not sure if that was due to withdrawal or hormones or both (it is always so difficult to know).  I believe I am back at my baseline of withdrawal symptoms now. 

 

I have made some progress in handling headache pain and not always taking something for it.  I also seem to not get as anxious when I have the pain.  

 

In terms of tapering, my plan is to wait a week and then make another 2.5% drop (and then hopefully a second one two weeks later).  I am thinking about holding my taper in November as I have a stressful event (Thanksgiving) then plus, although my cuts have been small, I haven't held off on tapering since starting in February.  So that is the plan....as usual I will have to see if what is planned pans out.

 

I am still experiencing a lot of fear around this process already feeling so unwell and the uncertainty of how tapering will go in this state, especially as I get lower in dose as I am still on a high dose of citalopram.  I continue to work on my CBT skills around the fear and intrusive thoughts but am wondering if this will just be part of the process for me until I get a good glimpse that I am heading in the right direction.  

 

I continue to be in awe of the strength of the members here....your courage inspires me to keep going.  💗

 in AWE right back at you WR ,,sounds like a good plan for thanks giving .

Take care .

[wantrelief]

2 hours ago, powerback said:

 in AWE right back at you WR ,,sounds like a good plan for thanks giving .

Take care .

Thank you so much for your continued encouragement, PB....it means a lot to me.  You had mentioned holding in a previous post and this helped me with the decision for November, so thank you for that as well. I hope you've been well.

[Rabe]

Just thinking about you wantrelief and hoping things are still going well!! 💜

[wantrelief]

Thanks so much for your sweet message, @Rabe.  I just stopped by your thread and left a message for you.  🙂

 

I dropped by 2.5% this evening so now am on 18.30 mg...slowly and surely making some progress downward.  Fingers crossed this drop will go smoothly. 

 

We have had beautiful fall weather here - clear blue skies, colorful trees and warmer weather than usual.....a treat for sure.  🍁

[Rabe]

Hi Want relief.  Are you doing to brassmonkey slide?  And how are you decreasing?  With compounded meds or liquid?  I see the doctor Thursday and am wondering cause it seems to be going pretty well.  Thank you again!!💜

[wantrelief]

Hi @Rabe - Citalopram comes in a liquid form which is what I am using to taper.  I am making 2.5% cuts every 2 weeks and then hold for 3, so sort of a modified slide.  I haven't always been able to make the second cut though for various reasons.  Hope that helps!

[Rabe]

Thanks...it is so nice that it comes in a liquid!!!  You are making fabulous progress!!! 💜

[jozeff]

Hi wantrelief!

 

How is your tapering going? I just started reading your posts and I'm very interested in your progress.

 

You are doing 2.5% every two weeks and then 3 weeks hold. How is that going? 

How did you come to this schedule?  I know it's Brass Monkeys slide method but did you play with your percentage and dose?

 

The reason I ask is that I'm on 18 mg citalopram myself. I started tapering in April at 25 mg and decreased by 0.1 mg each day. When reaching 16.5 mg I crashed and updosed few weeks later. I felt absolutely horrible.. suicidal thoughts, anxiety, anger and derealized. Not good by any means.

 

 

That's when I learned about Brass Monkeys method and how long it takes to taper correctly..... Your taper will take years and mine too probably 😚

My initial plan was to taper in 250 days which seemed pretty damn slow to me but appeared to be too fast.

 

We are both on 18 mg citalopram right now. Do you have WD symptoms each time you drop? I want to start tapering soon but I'm still not feeling stable.

 

I make my own solution btw and that is going very well.

 

I was thinking about 2.5% each week with a 3 week hold. Just have to try I guess...

 

Well wantrelief, I wish you all the best and you are definitely on the right track! 

Hope to hear from you.

 

Have a nice day

 

 

Jozeff

 

 

[wantrelief]

Thanks for your message, @jozeff, and for your encouragement - I really appreciate it!  My story is a bit complicated and is pretty much detailed in my thread over many years.  Basically I have tried many slow tapers off of both sertraline and now citalopram.  I would either crash or have something stressful happen and ultimately updose to get to a more stable place.  Well, last year this happened again after a stressful time at work - yet this time I was on a consistent dose of 20 mg for more than a year.  I tried to go up to 25 mg thinking this would help me stabilize as updosing had in the past.  I waited around 5 months but did not experience any change.  It was suggested that I might be in tolerance to the drug and needed to start a slow taper. 

 

I am not feeling "normal" by any means, unfortunately. The symptoms (severe apathy/demotivation, some anhedonia, intrusive thoughts/SI, anxiety, early morning awakening, food is unappealing, lack of concentration, etc.) have been fairly consistent but do get worse at times. I never know if it is due to withdrawal, hormones, or my own ability to cope with the situation.  Because I am not feeling well, I felt it was best to taper in small increments so decided to break up 5% into 2 cuts if possible.  I am still trying to figure out what is best and so far this seems to work pretty well although I haven't been able to do that 2nd cut at times.

 

So far the taper seems to have gone well, however, I am concerned how it will go as I get lower in dose as I am still on a large dose.  But one day at a time.  My situation is further complicated by the fact that I am also on 1.5 mg of clonazepam, unfortunately.  So I have a very long road ahead of me.  

 

It can take many months to stabilize after an increase so hopefully you will feel better soon and can then start your taper in a better place than myself. 

 

I hope I have answered your questions.  Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions!

[apace41]

Hi, WR.  I meant to follow up and ask -- how are the headaches?

 

Best,

 

Andy

[wantrelief]

Hi Andy!  Thanks so much for asking about the headaches....that is really sweet of you to follow-up on that.  For the last month or so the headaches seem to be a bit better.  I also think I have been coping with them better in that I will take something for the pain if it is bad but try to wait it out as sometimes I can cope without pain medication (either Ibuprofen or Maxalt).  I think realizing (this is with the help of therapy) that having headaches is normal for me in withdrawal (and in general) and that I am going to have to deal with this to continue downward helped me not get as anxious about the pain.  Hopefully I'll be able to keep this up as I continue with this taper.  I really appreciate your thinking about me, especially as I know you are going through a rough time yourself.

 

 

[apace41]

1 minute ago, wantrelief said:

For the last month or so the headaches seem to be a bit better.

 

So, here's the thing -- this is really, really good.  If one aspect of your withdrawal can change and/or be overcome, why not the rest?  I know you are dealing, in part, with the "limiting belief" of "I can't do this -- it didn't work the last several times."  But, this should be evidence to you that what happened in the past is what happened in the past and that the present can be different.  We all tend to grasp tightly on to the negative (as Rick Hanson says, "Velcro for the negative") and we have a hard time even acknowledging the positive.  Do a little celebrating that you were able to get through the really bad headache stage and still move forward.  You should be feeling great about that!

 

On a related note, did you ever listen to or check out the Curable app?

Keep on keeping on -- you are doing great!

 

Best,

 

Andy

[wantrelief]

Thank you so much, Andy.  I have been proud of myself for getting through the headaches and moving forward.  You are right in that I do worry quite a lot about how this taper is going to work if so many of them have not in the past and now I am symptomatic on top of everything.  But...I am trying (key word, trying) to reframe it and, well, this is now that was then.....I think that is what you are saying.  

 

I did check out the Curable website but was a little confused by it and what exactly the service was that they were offering.  I also tend to get a bit overwhelmed by technology/apps so didn't pursue it further. I really appreciate the information on this resource, however, as it might be something I need to relook at in the future. 

 

Thank you so very much for all of your support, Andy.  It means so much to me!!

[Hibari]

Thinking of you WR and hope the drop goes as well as it can.  You are doing it, bit by bit.

 

I read how you were given feedback that you were in tolerance and that is exactly where I think I find myself.  It is making me anxious as I have to stabilize more on my choice to do divided doses before I can taper again.  I did have two days,  Monday and Tuesdays where I had windows in the afternoon into evening.  Today back to symptoms.  Ugh....

[wantrelief]

2 hours ago, Hibari said:

Thinking of you WR and hope the drop goes as well as it can.  You are doing it, bit by bit.

 

I read how you were given feedback that you were in tolerance and that is exactly where I think I find myself.  It is making me anxious as I have to stabilize more on my choice to do divided doses before I can taper again.  I did have two days,  Monday and Tuesdays where I had windows in the afternoon into evening.  Today back to symptoms.  Ugh....

Thank you for your message, Hibari, and for thinking about me....I really appreciate it!  It sounds very promising that you had windows on Monday and Tuesday....I am sorry you are back to symptoms today but hopefully you are on your way now to stabilizing more.  I will be thinking about you and hoping you feel better very soon.

[Carmie]

Hi wantrelief, 

 

Just wanted to say hope that all goes well with your drop.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[neroli]

Hi Wantrelief

 

I just popped in quickly to skim your thread (after I'd replied to you on my own thread).  I can see that you are having issues with cuts but you seem to be persevering.  I am interested to read that you have tried a number of times and had to stop to stabilise.  Good on you for how far you have got now.  I am thinking that I may have to try smaller cuts.  Must go...catch the bus.

 

Wishing you all thebest

 

Neroli 

[wantrelief]

13 minutes ago, neroli said:

Hi Wantrelief

 

I just popped in quickly to skim your thread (after I'd replied to you on my own thread).  I can see that you are having issues with cuts but you seem to be persevering.  I am interested to read that you have tried a number of times and had to stop to stabilise.  Good on you for how far you have got now.  I am thinking that I may have to try smaller cuts.  Must go...catch the bus.

 

Wishing you all thebest

 

Neroli

Thanks so much for popping by, Neroli!  I really appreciate your support and encouragement.  This has been a challenging time to say the least.  I think the smaller cuts have been helpful although it has been hard not to be able to do that second cut sometimes.....but at least making some progress in the downwards direction.  I am hopeful you will stabilize since your last cut given some time.  All the best to you as well! 💗