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wantrelief

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Steve61
23 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Update:  It has been two weeks since my last 2.5% cut which seemed to go pretty smoothly.  So....it is time once again to face my fears and make another 2.5% decrease tonight.  Thank you to everyone here for all of your continued support even whilst you are dealing with your own struggles.  I've been thinking lately about how special this site is in that we are all essentially strangers helping one another through this most difficult of experiences. In gratitude, WR.

That’s exactly how I feel WR. Help and support so freely given. I feel very grateful at the moment. Hope your next cut goes well.

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wantrelief

Thank you for stopping by and for the well wishes, @Steve61.....very much appreciated!  

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Rabe

Hi WR...I am SO grateful the last cut went well.  Hoping this next one follows suit!!!  Please keep us posted, okay?  You sound good.  Thoughts and prayers will be with you tonight and on!!💜

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wantrelief

Thank you so much for all of your continued support, @Rabe.  I really hope you feel better very soon.  

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neroli

Hello f-i-a

 

Great news that you're feeling able to make your next cut - well you have probably started it by now.

 

It's so good that you have had a fairly good run with the reductions - it's so inspiring to see after your previous reduction periods.

 

With you all the way for a smoothish run.

 

Yes, I'm grateful, too, for the support on this site.  It would be totally gruesome without you here.

 

much love

 

xxx Neroli 💜

 

 

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jen84

Hi WR, I am so happy to read that you're able to reduce by 2.5%. You give me hope for the day i re-start my taper... Which won't be any day soon. What is your current dose now? How long are you usually giving between drops?

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wantrelief

Thank you for your message, @jen84.  I am reducing by 2.5% but only two cuts a month (if I can) so it is very slow going.  I try to do a cut then wait 2 weeks and do another one with a 3-week hold.  You have done an amazing job getting off of Effexor and are down so low on Wellbutrin - you are the one who gives me hope!

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wantrelief

@neroli! Somehow I missed your message yesterday.  Thank you so much for your on-going support, it helps very much.  I am grateful that I have been able to keep reducing. This taper is so different than the previous ones in that now the drug seems to be working against me so I feel I have no choice but to keep going.  I just hope I can reach a better place at some point during the taper as I have such a long way to go and living this way is not easy.

 

I do so hope you get a break soon, my friend.  You have felt better, more stable, so you will get there again - it is just the waiting that is so very challenging. 

 

I am very grateful for your friendship, Neroli.  Much love back, WR.

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Rabe

I am with you wantrelief in spirit.  You are so strong and so kind...take good care of you.  Love and hugs!!💜

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Rosetta

Hang in there, Wantrelief.  I know this hard.  Thinking of you. -R

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Flowers

Great news WR that you feel able to make another reduction.  So pleased for you that things are going well.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

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wantrelief

Dearest @Rabe, @Rosetta, and @Flowers - Your messages of support are so heartwarming.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I could not do this without your support and encouragement.  Love to you all, WR.

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neroli

Oh, I do so hope that somewhere along the line things ease up for you.  I know how very difficult it is to live like this.

 

Kia kaha (Maori for wishing you strength - https://maoridictionary.co.nz/word/11337).

 

So much love

 

xxx Neroli 💜

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wantrelief

What a beautiful message, @neroli.  Thank you very much, my friend.  Kia kaha to you as well.  Much love, WR.  

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Carmie

Hi wantrelief, 

 

Wishing you all the best with your latest drop. I just started my next taper too. I’m going down by 3% a month for five months and then see how I go from there. I may eventually up the percentage a bit. 

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

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Rachellynn

Been reading through your history. You’re doing amazing!!!

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wantrelief

Thank you for your messages, @Carmie and @Rachellynn.  Carmie, thank you for your well wishes. I hope your taper goes smoothly.  

 

Rachellynn, thank you so much for reading my now long history and for your support....I really appreciate your kind words!

 

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DMV64

You are amazing! An inspiration. So happy for you!

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wantrelief
5 minutes ago, DMV64 said:

You are amazing! An inspiration. So happy for you!

Thank you, DMV, for this very sweet message of support....I very much appreciate your kindness.

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Rabe

 Hi WR...just wanting you to know how much I am thinking about you and hoping this drop goes well!!!  Take care my friend!💜

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Rabe

Just thinking about you WR.💜

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Carmie

Hi wantrelief, 

 

Just popping in again to let you know I’m thinking of you, and hope all is going well with your drop. My drop isn’t going too badly so far, though the symptoms ramped up a little bit today, nothing too unbearable. Let’s see how the rest of this month goes. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

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neroli

Hello f-i-a

 

Also hoping your reduction is going ok.

 

You have my warmest thoughts and best wishes.

 

xxxx Neroli 💜

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wantrelief

Thank you for your messages, @Rabe, @neroli (my f-i-a), @Carmie and for checking-in on me.....I really appreciate your thinking about me!  It has been a rough week for the most part.  I think it is due more to hormones than the cut but both happened at the same time so I guess I can't say for sure.  The usual symptoms I have just feel worse and it has been really hard not to get overwhelmed with this whole situation.  I must admit to feeling sorry for myself quite a bit this week....I am tired.  All of this is just feeling very hard and I keep wondering how I am ever going to do this as it already feels so draining.  I apologize for the downer message....I hesitated to write how I was doing but it is what it is.  

 

I am thinking about you and hope you all are coping as best as can be.  

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neroli
9 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I must admit to feeling sorry for myself quite a bit this week....I am tired.  All of this is just feeling very hard and I keep wondering how I am ever going to do this as it already feels so draining.  I apologize for the downer message....I hesitated to write how I was doing but it is what it is.  

No need to apologise - I know just how you feel.  Had a doozy of a week myself and ......

 

10 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I keep wondering how I am ever going to do this as it already feels so draining.

 

Me too, friend, me too.  Somehow we do.  Just the moment, just the moment - second by second.  Thread-hanging at times.  

 

I am soooo sorry that this is how it is for you, I feel for you so much because I know what it's like.

 

I am so very glad you are around as a friend on this site.

 

xxxxx.  Neroli 💜💜

 

 

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wantrelief
3 minutes ago, neroli said:

Somehow we do.

Yes, somehow we do....I know you understand and i am so very sorry you are in the same boat.

 

4 minutes ago, neroli said:

I am so very glad you are around as a friend on this site.

I feel the same way, Neroli.  I am so grateful we can support one another through this.

 

Much love, 

WR 💖

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neroli

Just looked at the world clock - looks like you are at 9.40am.   I'm at 5.35pm.  My day is heading towards eating dinner and then retiring. 

 

I hope you have a somewhat comfortable day.

 

love Neroli 💜

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Rabe
2 hours ago, wantrelief said:

it has been really hard not to get overwhelmed with this whole situation.  I must admit to feeling sorry for myself quite a bit this week....I am tired.  All of this is just feeling very hard and I keep wondering how I am ever going to do this as it already feels so draining.  I apologize for the downer message....I hesitated to write how I was doing but it is what it is.  

Oh WR...you need to share your feelings as well....you are always giving to others and you deserve to receive always but especially when so needed in the times of feeling so whipped and overwhelmed. You have no reason to apologize for sharing where you are...especially since we all understand.  It IS overwhelming and I think is unreasonable to think of never having days when it seems too much.  Know that I care about you so much, am with you in heart and feelings, and know that all you are will get you through this.  

You are right..it is what it is and things change so quickly.  Take care of you!! Love nd hugs to you my friend!💜  

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wantrelief

Thank you for your messages @neroli and @Rabe.  Neroli, it was actually 9:40 pm here so I just got your message now.  I hope you are getting some good sleep as I write this. Thank you so much for being there for me.  @Rabe, you are so sweet.  Thank you for saying that I will get through this.  I so very much want to get to the other side of this. I am thinking about both of you as I know you've been struggling too.  Love and hugs to you both, WR.

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neroli

Hello WR f-i-a

 

You have helped me to work out how the world time clock on my Mac works - it shows a dark face when it is PM in the location you are looking for and a light face when it is AM!  10 years of having a Mac and only just got it sorted....

 

I do hope you've had a better day and thank you so much for your lovely message on my thread.

 

Thinking of you always

 

Neroli xxx. 💜

 

PS I just went back and read some of your first/early posts. Your strength over the years is awe-inspiring .  💗💗

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Rabe

Wanting you to know you are in my thoughts daily WR...how is it going?💜  Love and hugs back to you WR!

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wantrelief

Hello @neroli and @Rabe:

 

Thank you both for your messages.  Neroli, I really appreciated what you said about my early posts.  It really helps to hear a positive take on my long journey.  I know I need to focus more on the positive and not give in to the fearful thoughts/feelings.  I am grateful to you for helping me with this.

 

And thank you Rabe for thinking about me and checking-in.  I am feeling better than I was, thankfully.

 

I am thinking about you both and am really hoping you get some peace soon.  I am very very grateful for all of your continued support.  💗WR.

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RandyJames

Hello wantrelief.  

 

I am very sorry for your struggle.  I see that you are tapering and almost to 0. I am going to be tapering soon.   I wanted to ask you what symptoms you are still having and how well you are coping with it.  I am new here but have had SSRI WD twice before and currently I have become tolerant to my dose of 20mg Lexapro so upped to 30 mg 5 days ago to see if it would stop my symptoms but it hasn't.  I'm so apprehensive about tapering as I'm already feeling so bad from the tolerance.  

 

I hope you feel better soon.

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wantrelief

Hi @RandyJames:  Thank you for stopping by!  I wish I were almost to 0 but I have a far way to go until I get there.  I am tapering citalopram and currently am at 15 mg.  I also am on 1.5 mg of Klonopin so have that to deal with as well.

 

I feel for you as I might be in tolerance as well and that is what precipitated this current taper.  I too have been very apprehensive about tapering already feeling unwell.  I started this taper at 25 mg and so far I will have some dips down but mostly my symptoms have stayed the same.  I also am a female in perimenopause so I think when my symptoms worsen there is a connection with hormones.  A few new things will pop up now and again but they have gone away.  I must admit to a lot of fear as to how it will go from here as I get lower since I am still on a fairly high dose.

 

As for symptoms I find it hard to put into words but I'll try:  severe depression (major apathy/demotivation, SI; overwhelming need to lie on the couch; anhedonia; lack of concentration); anxiety; ruminating and intrusive thoughts; early morning awakening; food is unappealing  (although I can make myself eat) and dry mouth.  I have this overall sensation of feeling unwell and describe it as feeling "sick"....everything just feels "off" - nothing comes easily or naturally, everything takes a great amount of effort.  

 

I hope that helps.  It is possible you will stabilize if you hold at a dose for awhile, sometimes it can take many months.  Unfortunately I wasn't able to stabilize so started my taper downward but I had gone up and down in dose quite a bit through the years and think my brain had just had enough.....you might not be in the same boat.

 

Wishing you all the best.  Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

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Rosetta

Thinking of you, Wantrelif.  Hold on.  Everyone heals.

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RandyJames
2 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

:  severe depression (major apathy/demotivation, SI; overwhelming need to lie on the couch; anhedonia; lack of concentration); anxiety; ruminating and intrusive thoughts; early morning awakening; food is unappealing  (althoug

Thanks so much for responding.  Those are pretty much the same symptoms I'm having right now.  I had quit SSRI's CT 2 times before and the symptoms were much more intense at those times than I have now so I am hoping that doing the taper this time will be gentler I just hate the idea of how long it will take to get to 0 and then wait out the healing.  

 

Have you noticed an increase in symptoms as you have gone down in dose at all?  Or has it just been the same bad stuff the whole time? 

 

I wish you the best of luck and hope it all gets better for you!

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