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Rabe

Hi Wantrelief.  Thinking about you and hoping you are having a great time!!!  Love and hugs!!💜

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wantrelief

Thank you for your sweet and supportive messages, @Rabe and @Carmie.

 

It was wonderful to see my friend in Portland.  She is very supportive and understanding of what I am going through which is priceless.  I wasn't able to do a whole lot but was appreciative of being in a different environment which was a good distraction.  I also am hugely grateful to my husband as I don't think I could have gone without his help (driving, navigating, etc.). 

 

If all goes well this week, I am planning on resuming my taper on Saturday.  

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Rabe

SO happy to hear you had a good time WR!  That must have really felt good!  Hope you rest a bit from the trip!  Love and hug dot you!💜

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Carmie
On 7/2/2019 at 2:22 AM, wantrelief said:

Thank you for your sweet and supportive messages, @Rabe and @Carmie.

 

It was wonderful to see my friend in Portland.  She is very supportive and understanding of what I am going through which is priceless.  I wasn't able to do a whole lot but was appreciative of being in a different environment which was a good distraction.  I also am hugely grateful to my husband as I don't think I could have gone without his help (driving, navigating, etc.). 

 

If all goes well this week, I am planning on resuming my taper on Saturday.  

 

Hi Wantrelief, 

 

Yes, understanding friends are the best! I have lots of those too. Off course, they don’t know exactly what we’re going through, but they are there for us anyway.

 

I also agree it’s nice to get out of our environment and go somewhere. When I’ve been stuck in bed for long periods I’m sooo happy when I get to go out and about again.

 

Let us know if you resume your taper Saturday, sending hugs🤗

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Rosetta

I'm glad you were able to see a kind and supportive friend in person.  So helpful.  -Rosetta

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wantrelief

Hello friends,

 

I am going to resume my taper tonight, decreasing by another 2.5%.  I only made one decrease last month to give my brain a break as a precautionary measure.  I haven't noticed any improvements since starting my taper and holding didn't change anything either (not that I was really expecting it to).  I must admit I am very tired of feeling so unwell everyday and am overwhelmed with the journey ahead.  As I've written before, it is so difficult to know if I am on the right path without any windows or improvements in my baseline.

 

I wanted to add that I have had a non-withdrawal medical issue arise which has been difficult.  Several years ago I was diagnosed with arthritis in both of my big toes.  I wear orthotics that have helped keep things stable.  However, over the last few weeks my left toe has been hurting.  I am going to get some new orthotics to see if that will help but my doctor did not seem very encouraging.  I might have to consider surgery as that is the next step and has been scary to think about.  I am trying hard to use my coping skills to not let my mind wander into the future and catastrophize but it has been challenging dealing with this issue on top of my ongoing withdrawal symptoms.  😕

 

One step at a time and one day at a time....have to keep reminding myself of those two things.

 

I hope everyone is coping as well as can be. 

 

 

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Rabe

Wanted you to know I am always with you run heart and spirit...will be more so knowing you started a new taper tonight.  Praying it goes ok for you WR!

13 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I must admit I am very tired of feeling so unwell everyday and am overwhelmed with the journey ahead.  As I've written before, it is so difficult to know if I am on the right path without any windows or improvements in my baseline.

I am sorry to read this WR....so you never have times that seem even a bit better than others?  I feel yucky everyday but usually have even a small bit of time that is 'easier.'  I hope as you continue to drop that that will be a gift for you from all of this1  Your courage and insight as to what is going on with you is something I so admire WR.  Thank you for YOUR support...even in the midst of your own storm you offer shelter to myself and others with your support, insights and inspiration!  Let us know how you are doing, ok?  Love and hugs my friend!!💜

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Rosetta

HI WR,

I'm with you, too.  It's going to be ok.  Don't think about surgery right now.  In my opinion, nothing is non-WD.  Your toe could be a non WD issue that is made worse by your taper.  Pain is very subjective and emotional.  It may be bothering you so much not because the physical situation has changed, but because WD has made it more painful.  I hope so.  

All my love, R

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wantrelief

Oh @Rabe and @Rosetta - Thank you so much for your messages....it was really lovely to receive them this morning.  This is such a lonely difficult process and it really helped to hear from you both.

 

7 hours ago, Rabe said:

Wanted you to know I am always with you run heart and spirit...will be more so knowing you started a new taper tonight.  Praying it goes ok for you WR!

Thank you so much, Rabe.  Each time I taper it is scary so it helps to know you are with me.  

 

8 hours ago, Rabe said:

so you never have times that seem even a bit better than others?

Evenings do usually feel a bit better, calmer, so in that sense there are times when things are a bit better than others.  So I guess I am like you where there are usually small bits of time that can feel a little easier, a little bit of breathing room.

 

Thank you for being here for me. I am thinking about you, Rabe.  Love and hugs back to you.  

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wantrelief
2 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I'm with you, too.  It's going to be ok.  Don't think about surgery right now.  In my opinion, nothing is non-WD.  Your toe could be a non WD issue that is made worse by your taper.  Pain is very subjective and emotional.  It may be bothering you so much not because the physical situation has changed, but because WD has made it more painful.  I hope so.  

Oh thank you for being here with me, Rosetta, and for saying it is going to be ok.  I am trying to put thoughts of surgery aside for now and just see how things go.  I have considered that maybe WD has caused this flair up.  I had some x-rays done so will hopefully see if there are actually physical changes that are making things worse.  I really appreciate your support, Rosetta.  It means so much to me.  Lots of love to you. 

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Flowers

Hi WR

 

How are you doing? I see you are going to do another drop so that is good news. Sorry I haven't been on here - been feeling OK apart from having physio on my back and my gall bladder out! 

 

I am sorry you are having pain from your toe.  I agree with Rosetta as  I also think WD does make pain harder to bear. I was convinced my back  probelm was something to do with WD but it wasn't, so it's good that you are getting X Rays to ascertain what's going on.

 

I hope you don't have to have surgery but if you do I am sure you will be fine. Alto put on here somewhere about an anaesthetic which is maybe better tolerated  for those in WD. I took it along to the anaesthetists consultation and she agreed to use it and only gave me  that and paracetamol for pain relief. I was fine with all of that having my gallbladder out so hope that puts your mind at ease.  Don't worry about that now though as it might be a long way off or not at all.

 

Lots of love

 

Flowers xxx

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wantrelief

Hi @Flowers!  I just wrote on your thread!  🙂

 

Thank you for your reassurance regarding surgery in withdrawal.  I hope I don't need surgery but it is good to know you did well with both the anesthetic during surgery and paracetamol for pain relief.  You are one strong woman!

 

It is really great to hear from you, Flowers.  Lots of love to you, WR.

 

 

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Flowers
1 minute ago, wantrelief said:

Hi @Flowers!  I just wrote on your thread!  🙂

 

Thank you for your reassurance regarding surgery in withdrawal.  I hope I don't need surgery but it is good to know you did well with both the anesthetic during surgery and paracetamol for pain relief.  You are one strong woman!

 

It is really great to hear from you, Flowers.  Lots of love to you, WR.

 

 

We must be telepathic!!

 

I didn't have much choice re getting the gall bladder out and was really really scared. But it all turned out OK. 

 

Take care of yourself.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

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Rabe

A friend of mines daughter has had RA for years and no surgery thus far.  She is on a medication that has helped her a lot...but I dont know the name....if you want I can get it.  Hoping that things will stabilize or get some better so that surgery perhaps can be put off.  

I agree that WD seems to bring on new things and exacerbate old....hard to tell sometimes though huh?  Im just so sorry you are having that on top of all the rest WR!  Thinking about you so!  Take care!!  Love nd hugs! 💜

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wantrelief
4 minutes ago, Rabe said:

Im just so sorry you are having that on top of all the rest WR

Aw, thank you Rabe....it hasn't been easy I must admit.  WD is enough to deal with in itself.

 

I don't have RA but thank you for the offer.  

 

Love and hugs back at you!

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Rabe

Thinking about you WR...wanted you to know.  💜

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wantrelief

Thank you for stopping by, @Rabe. I am thinking about you too....I wrote a note earlier on your thread. 

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Rosetta

HI Thanks for writing on my thread.  For caring.  Thank you.  I feel so cursed.  I can't even write on my own thread.  I can't keep it straight.  This week has been terrible.  I keep hoping it will let up.  I hope you are doing ok.  Your toe -- I hope you notice that it comes and goes or oscillates in intensity?  That might indicate it's temporary. -R

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wantrelief
3 hours ago, Rosetta said:

HI Thanks for writing on my thread.  For caring.  Thank you.  I feel so cursed.  I can't even write on my own thread.  I can't keep it straight.  This week has been terrible.  I keep hoping it will let up.  I hope you are doing ok.  Your toe -- I hope you notice that it comes and goes or oscillates in intensity?  That might indicate it's temporary. -R

I am so sorry you have had such a terrible week, Rosetta.  It will let up....I know it feels like it won't but it will.  Thank you for your kindness even as you are going through so much.  I know what you mean about having a hard time writing on your own thread....I have that same difficulty.  Thank you for asking about my sad toe...it is hard to judge much at the moment. Hopefully once I get the new orthotics it will help. 

 

 

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Rabe

When do your orthotics come WR?  Hopefully soon!💜

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wantrelief
2 hours ago, Rabe said:

When do your orthotics come WR?  Hopefully soon!💜

You are so sweet, Rabe.  I am not sure.....I am going to the doctor's this week to start the process.  I hope you are doing as well as can be.

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Carmie

Hi wantrelief, 

 

How are you doing?💚

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Rabe

Thinking about you WR...hopomg you got fitted for the orthotics!  And that you are feeling ok.  Think about you daily!!  Love and hugs!💜

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Rabe

Hi WR....just thinking about you lots with you taper and the arthritis!  So hoping you are feeling better my friend!💜

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wantrelief

Thank you for your messages, @Carmie and @Rabe....it is so kind of you to ask how I am doing.

 

@Rabe, unfortunately it turns out that the arthritis is too advanced so new orthotics weren't going to make a difference.  Thank you so much for thinking about me with all of this.  If only life could stop when you are in withdrawal!  I am hoping you are doing as well as can be and are still finding some moments of your day bearable.  

 

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Rosetta

(((Wantrelief))). Thinking of you.  Thanks for your support lately.  You are so kind.  I'm sorry that your toe isn't better.  -Rosetta

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wantrelief

Thank you for thinking about me, @Rosetta....it means a lot to me.  I am thinking about you too and am so sorry you've had such a rough time recently.

 

I wanted to update my journal to note that I made another 2.5% decrease of citalopram last night.  I have had more situational anxiety lately (on top of this very stressful withdrawal experience), mostly around the arthritis issue but some other life things too.  Unfortunately these things are not going to be resolved in the short term so I have to continue to work on my coping skills. Previously anxiety/stress is usually what derailed my past tapers and I would increase my dose which would calm things down. Now that the drug is working against me, I do not have this to fall back on and must learn how to cope better with anxiety.  I am finding breathing the most effective way of working with the anxiety and also continue to work with a CBT therapist as well. Basically I need to continue to learn how not to be anxious about being anxious. 😉

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Gridley
6 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Basically I need to continue to learn how not to be anxious about being anxious. 😉

 

This is what Dr. Claire Weekes, who did pioneering work on coping with anxiety, called the second fear or fear of the fear.  Here a a few links on coping skills for dealing with anxiety:

 

VIDEO:  Peace from Nervous Suffering - Claire Weekes (1 hour) (http://sendvid.com/vgquc1dg)

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wantrelief

Thanks very much for the resources, @Gridley.  I read a book by Clare Weekes a long time ago but will take a look at these videos to refresh my memory. I appreciate your help.  I've been meaning to stop by your thread for awhile now to congratulate you on getting so low with your taper.....you are doing such an amazing job!

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JS11

Hey my friend, congratulations on your newest cut. I know each and every one is a bear.  The demon anxiety is also my nemesis--or one of them.  I appreciate the resources that Gridley posted.  If you have Amazon Prime you might also check out Brainwave Mind Voyages (BMV Quantum Subliminal).  They are free with Prime and cover a myriad of topics including Anxiety.  That one is subliminal but there are others, e.g., for depression, which have ocean waves.  They are each10 minutes long.  I play them on my computer constantly but I know you can download them on your phone as well.  It just sucks the battery from mine so I don't.  I find them very helpful and I don't have to "do" anything--especially when I am immobilized and unable to.  

 

I also got a book at Powell's on my recent trip to Portland:   How to UnF*CK Your Brain:  Using Science To Get Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers by Faith G. Harper.  It was on a shelf right outside of the restroom--always a frequent stop--and beckoned me.  If you don't adore the "F" word, it might offend, but it has some very practical insights and information, some of which I have heard before but it seems to provide comfort seeing it repeated.  Easy to read and the book provides resources and just walks you through things.  I have been clinging to it of late....

 

Hope your day and your toe(s) are well.

take care, 

JS11

 

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wantrelief

Hey there @JS11 - Good to "see" you here.  Thank you very much for the suggestions.  I love the title of the book and will check it out....I am so glad you have found it to be helpful.  And easy to read sounds good!  🙂

 

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Rosetta

Not being anxious about being anxious.  Hmmm.  Ditto!  I find I have to find a physical release -- breathing, walking, heating pad, hot bath or shower, distraction.  The hot shower almost always works.  The sound and the warm water falling on me usually make a difference.  I turn out the lights too and sometimes light a candle.

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wantrelief

Thank you for sharing what works for you, @Rosetta....I appreciate it very much.  🙂

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Rabe
On 7/22/2019 at 10:17 AM, wantrelief said:

Basically I need to continue to learn how not to be anxious about being anxious

When you do please share!!!  I so understand this WR!  I am thinking about you lots and hope the drop is going ok!!  Love and hugs to you my friend!!💜

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Rabe

Just thinking about you WR...wanted you to know!!!  How are you?💜

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Rosetta

Me, too - thinking of you.  Take care, R

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