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Cathy4

@wantrelief

Yes, we will get there.  😊

Hug, 

Cathy

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FarmGirlWorks

💪 = you

 

I am always inspired by your kindness and fortitude.

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wantrelief

Update:  It has been a long time since I wrote an update.  I had surgery on my toe due to arthritis at the end of February and have been focused on recovering from that.  My toe is still healing but slowly things are improving on that front.  So after three months of holding, I decided to restart my taper Sunday evening and made a very small cut.  I am hoping to do 4 weekly small cuts if possible.  I was hoping that the coronavirus situation would be better before restarting my taper but it appears that is not going to be the case.  I have had some struggles around the virus, mostly anxiety about loved ones potentially getting sick and grief around the entire situation.  I am working on dealing with the anxiety with my therapist and trying to bring myself back to the present whenever I catch myself worrying.

 

Interestingly I have had no improvement in my symptoms over the last three months despite holding (except for headaches as that symptom is directly tied to tapering).  I still have a lot of doubts and fears around tapering and if I will ever feel better but I don't think I have much choice as clearly this drug is not "working".  

 

So it has been a difficult time dealing with the surgery, virus, and withdrawal but it feels good to be back on track with tapering.

 

I haven't been posting much but still read here and, as always, am in awe of the strength and courage of everyone on this journey.  💖

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Rosetta

Thanks for checking in.  I hope you start feeling better soon!  💕Rosetta

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wantrelief

Thank you, Rosetta! 

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jozeff

Hi wantrelief,

 

Hope your toe is getting better soon!

I'm following your topic and your taper looks a lot like mine. I'm currently at 11.6 mg citalopram.

 

You mentioned  not tapering for 2 months and no relief in symptoms. Did you notice any change at all?  I've been holding for 2 months now myself but it looks like I'm not improving at all. I had hoped to stabilize but my depression ses to get worse or at least doesn't lift.

 

Are you going to continue 1.25 % per week?

 

What bothers me is that at these dosages there shouldn't be such a change in mental problems because of large receptor occupancy.

 

Well, hope you are doing better and cheers!

 

 

Jozeff

 

 

 

 

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wantrelief

Hi @jozeff!

 

Thank you for stopping by.  I appreciate your well wishes regarding my toe!

 

1 hour ago, jozeff said:

You mentioned  not tapering for 2 months and no relief in symptoms. Did you notice any change at all?  I've been holding for 2 months now myself but it looks like I'm not improving at all. I had hoped to stabilize but my depression ses to get worse or at least doesn't lift.

I haven't noticed any change in my symptoms with holding except a noticeable decrease in headaches (whenever I taper now I get a lot of headaches).  It does sound like we are similar and not stabilizing.  My problems started whilst on a stable dose of 20 mg citalopram, meaning I hadn't tapered for at least a year.  I experienced withdrawal symptoms after going through some stress at work.  I updosed and waited to stabilize - this always seemed to work in the past when I would have similar circumstances but this time I wasn't improving so decided to start a taper as it was mentioned that I might be in tolerance. 

 

I am sorry you are stuck in the same situation not stabilizing.....it is such a difficult place to be.  Do you think you are in tolerance to the drug as well?

 

1 hour ago, jozeff said:

Are you going to continue 1.25 % per week?

I am going to try this for now and see how it goes.  

 

I really hope you see some improvement soon, either with holding or tapering.  

 

Best wishes to you, 

WR

 

 

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jozeff

Ok, you were on 20 mg citalopram from mid 2016 to mid 2017 is that correct?

Did you feel really stable back then?

 

I upped en downed from 25 to 15 mg and back a couple of times. Felt pretty good but somehow I just took it a bit too far.

 

Never felt ok again...

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

 

 

 

 

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wantrelief
2 hours ago, jozeff said:

Ok, you were on 20 mg citalopram from mid 2016 to mid 2017 is that correct?

Yes, exactly.

 

2 hours ago, jozeff said:

Did you feel really stable back then?

I wasn't feeling well when I updosed up to 20 mg (hence the updose) but once I stabilized, I was feeling completely normal and doing well until the work stress hit during the summer of 2017.  Like you, I never felt well again.  😕

 

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JS11

Hello out there my friend,

I was re-reading messages from long ago and they made me smile thinking about you....I read others' posts and realize how very much we have in common.  They are so very encouraging.  Yet I still have such difficulty just writing something.  I don't know why it is just so hard to post anywhere but in private which I have done so very rarely as well.  No matter.  

Just wanted you to know that I am sending love your way and hoping that you are doing well or as well as you can be with everything that is happening in this world and the world of withdrawal.  Odd we are on the "same side" now rather than across the state.  Such a beautiful day it was.  Hoping you were able to breath in some fresh, unmasked air and bask in the sunlight

take care,

JS11

 

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wantrelief

Hi @JS11:  Thank you for writing and thinking of me.  I have been thinking of you too.  I've been muddling through both life and withdrawal - both of which seem to consume my energy and I haven't been as good about writing here.  I see you are getting really low on the escitalopram - that is a huge accomplishment!!  Lots of love back at you.

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JS11

Hey my friend,

I am not on here much at all either but oddly do now get notifications in my email which hasn't happened in ages.  Nice reminders and see some familiar names as well as several new ones.  I do see you on here offering your encouragement to others, in spite of  how you feel. 

 

Truly strange times are upon us.  I so miss going to movies.  They were such a good means of escape.  Yes, I know you can do all the streamy stuff, but I'm old school.  I wanna go to the theater.  I have several masks to choose from.  

 

Yes, I am getting lower..keep cutting monthly sloggling through the symptoms.  Brutal, seems an apt description.  At the lowest points, I fantasize about administering this stuff to the pharmaceutical executives instead of the poor, unsuspecting animals or random samples of college students and ultimately the rest of us....

 

I do so hope you are taking care of yourself as well as you can be with all of it...

 

Oh, I also thought of you and our hair. Longest I have gone without having my haircut since I lived abroad.  Medusa would have been jealous.  

 

take care my friend, and thank you for your always kind thoughts...

Rooting for you and for us all.

JS11 

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Rosetta

Hi, wantrelief.  I was thinking if you.  I hope you are doing ok.

 

Rosetta

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wantrelief

Thank you for stopping by, JS11 and Rosetta.  It really helps to have friends along on this long, difficult journey. 

 

I haven't updated in awhile so thought I'd write where I am at.  For anyone reading this for the first time, I am trying to taper whilst in tolerance to citalopram....at least I think that is what is going on.  I have continued my taper and last month was able to make four small cuts a week.  I usually hold for 3 weeks but this month I made a drop after holding for 2 weeks....so far so good in that I don't think it made a difference not to hold for the 3 weeks. Maybe I'll be able to taper a bit faster if I can just do a 2 week hold but of course will see how I feel each month.

 

I am having some non-withdrawal issues, primarily sciatica that I think arose as a result of the toe surgery I had in February but is hard to know.  It is getting better but once again has been hard to have a medical issue on top of withdrawal. 

 

I always hesitate to post as I feel like all of my posts are basically the same.....everyday is very much a struggle and it is so hard to see a light at the end of this tunnel.  But I keep going because I so very much want to experience that light.  

 

Wishing the best to everyone here.

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Gridley
2 hours ago, wantrelief said:

sciatica

I'm glad your taper is going well.  You seem to have a good handle on what you need to do in terms of timing.

 

I don't know what your situation is regarding seeing medical practitioners due to the virus, but when I had sciatica a while back I found a really good chiropractor who helped enormously.

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Frogie

Hi:

 

My better half has sciatica bad and a few years ago was hospitalized because he couldn’t walk. 
 

The physical therapist had us purchase a hard foam roller (we got it in the sport section at Walmart). He rolls his back on it every morning along with stretching his legs. He hasn’t had problems since.

 

Your situation may be different, but just a suggestion.

 

Hope you feel better soon.

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

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wantrelief

Thank you for your support, @Gridley - I really appreciate it!  Regarding the sciatica, I am seeing a physical therapist (I've seen her twice now) which feels a bit scary with the virus but we take all of the precautions that we can.  I will definitely keep chiropractic in mind though if the PT doesn't work.  I am rooting you on with your Lexapro taper - not too much farther to go!  

 

 

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wantrelief

Thanks very much for your message, @Frogie!  Oh wow - that is awful your partner was hospitalized due to sciatica.  I guess I am lucky as mine is very mild in comparison to what he went through.  I am so glad the stretching with the roller has helped him. I am seeing a PT so a roller may be in my future too.  I appreciate your stopping by!  

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Frogie
16 hours ago, wantrelief said:

Thanks very much for your message, @Frogie!  Oh wow - that is awful your partner was hospitalized due to sciatica.  I guess I am lucky as mine is very mild in comparison to what he went through.  I am so glad the stretching with the roller has helped him. I am seeing a PT so a roller may be in my future too.  I appreciate your stopping by!  

 I hope you can find some relief with PT.😊

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Rabe

Hi wantrelief!  SO good to hear you voice!  You are making such progress on your taper!  I know is is such a struggle but you sure are getting lower!!  YAY!

You had toe surgery.  I hope everything went and continues to go ok with that!  Those additional things that jolt the system can be a bump in the road for sure.  

But looks like you kept trucking on!  How have you been feeling and doing???

I too find that anxiety and or depression...mainly anxiety...are constant companions.  Very little time in a day when feel 'normal'.  Makes me wonder how I will feel

when off all the meds.  I actually feel the Viibryd may have helped the anxiety and depression and that there are more problems with the CLonazepam that I had

originally thought...but that may all be taper related.  Who knows huh?  

I do hope the Celexa reduction brings you some relief!!!  Love and hugs to you!!💜

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wantrelief

Thank you for your sweet supportive message, @Rabe.....I am wishing you all the best as you continue your taper.

 

I just finished another taper, the fourth cut being Sunday evening.  I am feeling a bit teary today, overwhelmed, as I often feel about this journey. I am still hoping to feel some change to my baseline but have yet to experience anything appreciably different since the beginning of my taper - this makes it so hard to keep going and believing that things will feel differently someday. My husband just said something really cute that cheered me up and I thought I'd share it here as maybe it would help someone else. He said that what I am doing is like a little kid putting money into a piggy bank, investing in the future and someday it is going to pay off.  It helped me to think of this path in that way - an investment in the future.  

 

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