wantrelief

[wantrelief]

Oh, I wish you hadn't had to say those words out loud but thank you for thinking of me, bheb and for checking in on me.  It was nice to receive your message! Tell me how you've been.  It sounded like you had been dealing with a lot of really challenging symptoms.  I am the same, holding where I am in the hopes of getting some stability.....it has been a difficult time.  I try hard to be hopeful but must admit that I am scared.  I still don't know if I am in tolerance and if so, if I'll be able to obtain any stability.  But I can't imagine tapering feeling this way as I am really not very functional as it is.  I am really hoping you've had some better days.

[bheb]

I've had a lot of ups and downs since I last posted here. Currently in a bad wave.

 

How does tolerance work? Is it that your updose no longer relieves withdrawal symptoms?

 

I'm sorry to hear about your current state. I'm scared too and filled with so much confusion and uncertainty. Have you been able to distract at all?

[wantrelief]

I am so sorry you are in a bad wave.   I really hope it lifts soon to a nice wide window.  

 

My understanding of tolerance is that you start getting withdrawal symptoms whilst on a full dose a medication. It is not clear to me if an updose will relieve those symptoms or not if one is truly in tolerance.  I just don't know if that is my situation or not.  I have had the same problems I am experiencing now when on lower doses too so it isn't a clear case to me.  

 

I am sorry you are feeling similar to me feeling scared.  I suppose most of us on here are feeling that way too.  I haven't had much luck distracting except for reading on here for some reason, it is all my brain seems to be able to concentrate on for any significant length of time.  I can distract better in the evenings by watching TV or reading.  I've seen friends here and there but mostly have been staying home.  Have you found anything helpful in terms of distraction?  

[bheb]

Ah I see. I guess it's also possible that an updose can destabilize you further? Unsure.

 

And yes I know, coming on here and reading seems to be the easiest thing to sometimes. I can't read other things (articles, books...my homework, for one) because I either can't concentrate well or I get very scared by how distanced I feel from everything. And how jealous I get of any thought or life event that seems "normal."

 

School used to distract me, believe it or not. And so did some meditation and yoga activities. But things have gotten much harder for me, and the only thing that helps/distracts is to take a good, long shower.

 

Thanks, wantrelief. I hope so too.

[wantrelief]

I think it is possible that an updose can destabilize you further....I think any change to these meds can potentially cause destabilization but my hope is that with any destabilization, stabilization will come - it is just when that is the question.

 

I know what you mean about feeling distanced and jealous too.  I think that is why this forum is something we can concentrate on because we can relate in one way or another to what others are going through.  

 

Interesting that you too find this forum the easiest thing to concentrate on at the moment.  That must be hard when you are in school though and have required reading.  Is it possible to take some time off so that you don't have the added stress of school at the moment?

 

 

 

[bheb]

Yes, it is possible to take some time off. I've been doing so poorly (academically) this semester that it will probably be necessary if things don't improve. 

 

You aren't working, right?

[JS11]

Hi WantRelief,

I have been reading--and re-reading your thread as my short term memory seems to not be very cooperative.   Getting to learn about other members and their struggles too.  You have been through so much and have such grace and eloquence in your descriptions.  We have so very much in common. 

 

It has been so very difficult for me to articulate the things that are happening in this open forum--partly out of embarrassment and partly out of fear as some of them are so very disturbing.  While I am so very sorry you are suffering, I must admit to not feeling so alone whilst I have been reading your words--which is the frequent reaction I get when reading someone's posts.   

 

There are so many things I wanted to say but the words aren't coming very well.  Having great difficulty at present.  So, I will leave it at thank you and I am hoping that your day has gone well.  

 

take care,

JS11

[wantrelief]

Hi JS11,

 

Thank you so very much for your kind words - they mean so much to me.  I am so glad that my thread made you feel less alone.  

 

I understand the difficulty in writing about what is happening.  I find it difficult as well, especially as I have been unsuccessful in my goal of getting off of medications for so long now.  But knowing that maybe my story helped you feel less alone makes me feel like I have contributed something to this forum. I suppose at the very least, it provides documentation of the hardships some of us face in getting off of the medication merry-go-round. 

 

I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time and hope that you experience some improvement soon.  

 

Thanks again for stopping by and for your lovely words.

 

 

 

 

 

[JS11]

Hi WR,

You are so very welcome.  Please never discount the impact you have; I know how very much your posts and messages have meant to me. 

I also think trying to alleviate these medications from our lives is an enormous step.  If it were easy, we wouldn't be here and thankfully, we are because I know I couldn't go through this alone.  

 

I'm not sure when I made my first attempt at discontinuing anti-depressants.  I was so very reluctant to take them in the first place but once I did, then I got caught on that same merry-go-round.  I do remember once, over twenty years ago, I was taking summer courses in London, a place I once lived and so adore.  I decided to go cold turkey when I ran out of my medicine.  Bad idea. A chaos of symptoms ensued.   I called my family in a panic and my mother expressed me my RX.  Probably cost a fortune.  Never occurred to me to call a doctor there.  Too shameful I suppose.  I remember how grateful yet embarrassed I was when the package arrived with the words Prozac written in my mother's neat handwriting on the declarations label. 

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have been at this a long time as well.  But here, at least I have others and yes, it makes me feel less alone, especially when those feelings hit, which they have been doing with great frequency of late.

 

And thank you for your well wishes.  I do so need others words of hope to hold onto.

take care,

JS11

 

 

 

[wantrelief]

Hello everyone,

 

I haven't written an update in quite awhile so I thought I would post where I am at.  To summarize, after experiencing withdrawal like symptoms (caused by work related stress) in July that were not abating, I slowly increased starting in August from 20 mg to 25 mg of Celexa landing on 25 mg Celexa at the end of September (prior to that I had not changed my doses of medications for over 1 year).  The thinking from previous posts was that I was in tolerance to Celexa. For a week or so in December I started to feel a little bit better - more myself -  but have now found myself back to feeling the same as before: very depressed (difficulty concentrating, apathetic, unmotivated, fairly consistent SI and other intrusive thoughts), anxiety (stomach upset, dry mouth, butterflies in stomach), early morning awakening, and appetite problems (I am eating but food is not very appetizing or tasting good)).  Basically I am feeling far from myself and not really functioning well at all.  I am still wondering if I am in tolerance or not and am beginning to suspect that I am and won't stabilize further.  On the other hand, perhaps it was a good sign that I had some improvement in symptoms recently, albeit brief.  I plan to hold at 25 mg for awhile longer but if I am not able to gain any more stability, I am really unsure how I am going to taper if I am so symptomatic -  I am scared I will only feel worse.  I am feeling pretty stuck, hopeless and scared.  

 

[RealMe]

5 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Hello everyone,

  I am feeling pretty stuck, hopeless and scared.  

 

Hi Wantrelief,

Thank you for the update.  I've been thinking of you and hoping you're doing ok.  I am having a rough time with symptoms, and right now I am just concentrating on getting through this one day with the thought that tomorrow will be better.  If not,  I will figure out how to get through it when it gets here.  I wish I could give you some comfort.  Glad you are trying to eat healthy even though it's not very appealing right now.  I ate dinner and took a shower, and that helped a little.  My husband was out shoveling the driveway, and that made me feel kind of useless.  I made him a hamburger, and that gave me a purpose, albeit small.  I'm going to try to lose myself in a movie if I can find one that holds my attention.  Feel better, new friend.

[wantrelief]

Thank you for your kind response, RM and for thinking of me.  I am sorry you are having a rough time too.  I also focus on getting through this day by day. I am glad you found a purpose in making your husband dinner.  I have felt pretty useless and purposeless lately. :/  I hope you are able to find a movie that takes you away from your symptoms for awhile.

 

You decreased Prozac while still symptomatic, right?  Have you noticed any upticks in your symptoms?  You are so courageous for starting your taper!

 

 

[Scorpio]

Hi wantrelief 

 

I am so sorry you are struggling and you are so strong in pushing to carry on. I hope a moderator notices your post to give you some sensible advice. 

[wantrelief]

Thank you for writing and your support, Scorpio.  I hope you are doing ok.

[JS11]

Hi Want Relief,

 

I was reading your update and think how very brave you are my friend I so relate to so many of the things you are writing about and wishing that some true relief comes for you or that I could provide some answers.  I'm not altogether sure what it means to be in "tolerance" of a medication but assume it is when you continue to take the same dose but see no improvement in withdrawal symptoms?  

 

I know you said previously that your husband had been ill and you thought maybe you were getting a touch of something too and perhaps this was contributing to your upsurge in symptoms.  I realize it is so hard to differentiate as to causes but could that still be the case?  It would be so lovely to be able "pin" your suffering on something concrete and hopefully fleeting like a bug. 

 

It is a very good sign indeed that you had some improvement in symptoms but as you said, "albeit briefly."  I do so cling to those moments.  

 

I am sorry you are having a rough day and I am thinking of you...Having a time with that nasty anxiety as well.  Hoping things calm down for you so very soon my friend.

 

take care,

JS11

 

 

[wantrelief]

Thanks so much for your message, JS11.  Unfortunately I can't attribute anything to the symptoms I've been having as I am not sick - I know what you mean about it being nice to be able to know something concrete was going on.  I hope it was a good sign that I did experience some improvement at least  even if it did go away - I keep trying to tell myself that.

 

I am so sorry to read you are having a bad time today with anxiety today.  I so hope things calm down for you too!

 

 

[JS11]

8 hours ago, wantrelief said:

Thanks so much for your message, JS11.  Unfortunately I can't attribute anything to the symptoms I've been having as I am not sick - I know what you mean about it being nice to be able to know something concrete was going on.  I hope it was a good sign that I did experience some improvement at least  even if it did go away - I keep trying to tell myself that.

 

I am so sorry to read you are having a bad time today with anxiety today.  I so hope things calm down for you too!

 

 

 Thank you too.  My head still feels very out thereish, but the freight train has left.  Being here and talking to others did help.

 

Yes, to all good signs.  Now, we just need them to continue and multiply.

 

I even managed to unearth myself from the couch and venture outdoors to empty the garbage.  What a world!

Hope your night is oh so smooth!

xoxo,

JS

[Kristine]

On 05/01/2018 at 12:08 PM, wantrelief said:

The thinking from previous posts was that I was in tolerance to Celexa. For a week or so in December I started to feel a little bit better - more myself -  but have now found myself back to feeling the same as before: very depressed (difficulty concentrating, apathetic, unmotivated, fairly consistent SI and other intrusive thoughts), anxiety (stomach upset, dry mouth, butterflies in stomach), early morning awakening, and appetite problems (I am eating but food is not very appetizing or tasting good)).  Basically I am feeling far from myself and not really functioning well at all.  I am still wondering if I am in tolerance or not and am beginning to suspect that I am and won't stabilize further.  On the other hand, perhaps it was a good sign that I had some improvement in symptoms recently, albeit brief.  I plan to hold at 25 mg for awhile longer but if I am not able to gain any more stability, I am really unsure how I am going to taper if I am so symptomatic -  I am scared I will only feel worse.  I am feeling pretty stuck, hopeless and scared.  

Hi WantRelief,  Your kind words on my thread have lead me to yours and I'm so terribly sorry about everything you have been through. What you say about tolerance to Citalopram is very interesting to me.  I was taking this drug for over 5 years, over the years I believed it was working but it always "pooped out" and then the dose was increased.  After the last increase (over two years ago) from 30mg to 40mg, my whole life flew off the rails.  I experienced many of the symptoms you listed including SI (unfortunately I acted on it) I ended up as a voluntary patient in a psyc ward.  I knew it was the drug, not me. It had stolen the essence of who I was and all the side effects as well (eg. No libido, weight gain). I didn't want to take it anymore.  My psychiatrist took my off citalopram in just one week.  The rest is history.  It seems that any dramatic decreases or increases can have terrible consequences.  That is why I'm so pleased we both found SA.  I know the stuck, hopeless and scare feeling so well, WR.  You are clearly such a strong and kind person. I think as we get to a lower dose it gets a little (probably an understatement) harder.  So maybe an even smaller taper may help (5% or less) once you hold for a bit longer.  I'm no expert, just trying to figure my own way through this mess...so lovely to have met you WR 😊 K

[wantrelief]

2 hours ago, Kristine said:

Hi WantRelief,  Your kind words on my thread have lead me to yours and I'm so terribly sorry about everything you have been through. What you say about tolerance to Citalopram is very interesting to me.  I was taking this drug for over 5 years, over the years I believed it was working but it always "pooped out" and then the dose was increased.  After the last increase (over two years ago) from 30mg to 40mg, my whole life flew off the rails.  I experienced many of the symptoms you listed including SI (unfortunately I acted on it) I ended up as a voluntary patient in a psyc ward.  I knew it was the drug, not me. It had stolen the essence of who I was and all the side effects as well (eg. No libido, weight gain). I didn't want to take it anymore.  My psychiatrist took my off citalopram in just one week.  The rest is history.  It seems that any dramatic decreases or increases can have terrible consequences.  That is why I'm so pleased we both found SA.  I know the stuck, hopeless and scare feeling so well, WR.  You are clearly such a strong and kind person. I think as we get to a lower dose it gets a little (probably an understatement) harder.  So maybe an even smaller taper may help (5% or less) once you hold for a bit longer.  I'm no expert, just trying to figure my own way through this mess...so lovely to have met you WR 😊 K

Hi there Kristine,

 

Thanks for popping by my thread!  And thank you very much for your support and kind words.  I am so very sorry for what you experienced after that final increase of citalopram.  I can't believe your doctor took you off over 1 week! 

 

I sure hope my holding here leads to a place where I feel stable enough to reattempt a taper.  I am feeling far from stable currently. :/ I think you are right, the next attempt would need to be an even smaller, slower one.  As you read in my thread, I have had several unsuccessful tapers even going slow.  At this point, I am having a hard time believing I can get off of this stuff. I like what you said about how you are trying to figure your way out through this mess....I feel the same way!

 

Very happy to have met you, Kristine.

 

[RealMe]

10 hours ago, wantrelief said:

 At this point, I am having a hard time believing I can get off of this stuff.

Hi Wantrelief,

I hope you are feeling some comfort.  Thinking of you.

[wantrelief]

1 hour ago, RealMe said:

Hi Wantrelief,

I hope you are feeling some comfort.  Thinking of you.

Hi RealMe,

 

I like the picture you added! Thank you very much for thinking about me and writing.  I am doing the same really, some days just better able to cope than other for no discernible reason.  How have you been?

[RealMe]

7 hours ago, wantrelief said:

How have you been?

Yesterday was better, but today my tinnitus ramped up so much that I am back to SI and crying.  Trying to distract myself on the computer and keep in mind that since yesterday was ok, maybe tomorrow will be too.  My son called me, and I couldn't pick up the phone.  I took a gentle walk in the sunshine today, and I don't know if that was a good idea or not.

[wantrelief]

Oh RM, I am so sorry you are having such a rough day.  It is always so hard when you had a better day only to be dragged down again the next.  I am feeling the same as you today (well most days, honestly).  That is great you got out for a gentle walk in the sunshine....I know it might not have felt like it helped but it was good you made yourself do it anyway.  I completely understand your not picking up the phone when your son called - I find it really hard to talk on the phone these days and put off calls forever.  The good news for you is that you have had better days so more will come your way!

[wantrelief]

29 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

The acute phase started about two years before I started to taper when the 40mgai was pooping out on me.  It continued well into the third year of my taper.  The taper speed was fine the problem was the lack of stability caused by the poopout.  By it's very nature there is no way that a hold will stabilize the symptoms of poopout, the only way out is down.  As I was able to reduce my drug load my body was able to sort things out and get the upper hand and eventually stabilize. 

 

Although acute WD and poopout are related they are not the same thing.  Acute WD is a severe case of WD symptoms while poopout is the body tolerating the affects of the drug, trying to work around them and causing WD symptoms by doing so.  Then harder the body rejects the medication the more severe the symptoms.  This was the third time I had gone into poopout, it being the reason I updosed from 20mgai to 30mgai and again to 40mgai.  The 40mgai never really stabilized and caused the most trouble.

 

I started the slide method from my very first reduction and used it the entire time I was tapering.  I had to modify things a bit when I go to the micro-doses at the end of my taper, but that had little bearing on things.

Hello Brassmonkey:

 

You are in demand! I know it is a lot to ask but if you have a chance, I was wondering if you would please read through my thread. I was just reading your conversation with DaveB and wanted to ask you some questions pertaining to my situation. 

 

A few months ago, you had mentioned you thought I was in tolerance. I have been holding at 25 mg of citalopram since the end of September (after slowly increasing from 20 mg beginning in August) in the hopes of gaining some stability before tapering.  I haven't felt worse since increasing and did feel a little better for a week in December but otherwise have been the same.  I am really not functioning well.  I have wanted to believe, as in the past if I held after increasing, I would stabilize.  In the past when I've stabilized, I've gone back to feeling completely normal and either held there or started tapering again.  However, so far this time I still haven't stabilized so am beginning to realize you might be right and I am in tolerance.  

 

My question is when you started tapering, did you have a worsening of symptoms?  I can't imagine being in this state (or worse!) for years before having my body catch up to my brain. :/  I am planning to continue holding in the hopes of gaining some stability but at what point should I throw in the towel and start tapering?

 

Thank you very much for your continued help!

 

 

[JS11]

Oh WantRelief,

 

Thank you for the question to BrassMonkey.  I will be interested to see his reply.  It is a topic which still confuses me.  I hope that he can give you some insight that will be helpful.  There are others who I think need this as well.

xoxo,

JS

[brassmonkey]

Hi WantRelief--  let me get a chance to read through things and I'll see what I can come up with.

 

Brassmonkey

[wantrelief]

 

34 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

Hi WantRelief--  let me get a chance to read through things and I'll see what I can come up with.

 

Brassmonkey

Ok, Brass....I really appreciate it!!

[brassmonkey]

Hi WantRelief--  I've gone back and read the last six months of you journal.  There are a couple of things that are rather interesting.  First was a comment you made on Oct 7 about how it frequently takes you four months to stabilize after a change.  It's only been three months and a couple of weeks since your updose, so this would indicate holding for a while longer to see if things settle down.  The window in December is a good sign and indicates that things are indeed sorting themselves out.  The big thing I see is that your symptoms are not getting worse from what you describe.  That would be a tell tale sign of poopout, symptoms getting worse with out the dose being changed or a few weeks after an increase.   The beginnings of poopout are very subtle and can take quite a while before it gets really bad, like mine did.  I remember a slow decline over many months before it get really bad.  So I think the beginnings of poopout are there, just not progressed really far yet.

 

Doing an updose to relieve symptoms can take many months to take affect.  Six months to a year are not unheard of but it usually takes four to six months to see real improvement.  If your symptoms are tolerable then I would say to give it another six weeks or so to see about stabilizing.  After that I would start a very gentle taper following the idea that the only way out is down.  It's a very frustrating course of action because results won't show up right away.  We can work out a taper schedule later, we need to talk things through so we can come up with a workable plan.

 

Are you still working? Do you get out of the house daily? Are you doing any relaxing exercises and the like? What do you do for distraction?

 

Brass

[wantrelief]

1 hour ago, brassmonkey said:

Hi WantRelief--  I've gone back and read the last six months of you journal.  There are a couple of things that are rather interesting.  First was a comment you made on Oct 7 about how it frequently takes you four months to stabilize after a change.  It's only been three months and a couple of weeks since your updose, so this would indicate holding for a while longer to see if things settle down.  The window in December is a good sign and indicates that things are indeed sorting themselves out.  The big thing I see is that your symptoms are not getting worse from what you describe.  That would be a tell tale sign of poopout, symptoms getting worse with out the dose being changed or a few weeks after an increase.   The beginnings of poopout are very subtle and can take quite a while before it gets really bad, like mine did.  I remember a slow decline over many months before it get really bad.  So I think the beginnings of poopout are there, just not progressed really far yet.

 

Doing an updose to relieve symptoms can take many months to take affect.  Six months to a year are not unheard of but it usually takes four to six months to see real improvement.  If your symptoms are tolerable then I would say to give it another six weeks or so to see about stabilizing.  After that I would start a very gentle taper following the idea that the only way out is down.  It's a very frustrating course of action because results won't show up right away.  We can work out a taper schedule later, we need to talk things through so we can come up with a workable plan.

 

Are you still working? Do you get out of the house daily? Are you doing any relaxing exercises and the like? What do you do for distraction?

 

Brass

Thank you so much for taking the time to read through my journal, Brass.  It does usually take me a few months to stabilize.  I wasn't sure what time period to use as I started the increase in August, completing it at the end of September.  So do you think I should count from August or September?  Regardless, what you are suggesting sounds good and what I was thinking as well (to give it another 6 weeks) and then see where I am at. 

 

I think the problem for me is that the symptoms, they are greatly impacting my daily life.  I am not functioning very well and feel far from myself.  I am not working currently (my job was the catalyst for the dose increase and I decided it was time to finally quit not only my job but profession which had turned out to not be right for me for many reasons).  I do force myself out at least once a day to do something but when I say force I mean it is really hard for me to do anything, the apathy/demotivation is that bad....my body literally does not want to move; it is truly an awful feeling.  I have no desire to do anything, it is as if my brain cannot think of anything I would normally like to do.  I have tried to see friends here and there.  In terms of relaxing exercises - in times of acute anxiety, I have been doing 4-7-8 breathing and mindfulness to ground myself as well as a short meditation before bed. I have tried to "change the channel" with the constant intrusive thoughts. Distraction has been very difficult as well - concentration has been very challenging....sometimes I can read a book but mostly find myself reading here. I wish there was something else I could concentrate on but for some reason this is where my brain can focus for the longest period of time so I have spent a lot of time here.  In the evenings I have been able to watch TV with my husband (who has been a wonderful source of support).  

 

Thanks again for your time and thoughts - it means a lot to me.

 

 

 

 

[SkyBlue]

3 hours ago, wantrelief said:

 

 in times of acute anxiety, I have been doing 4-7-8 breathing and mindfulness to ground myself as well as a short meditation before bed.

 

 

 

 

Hi wantrelief, 

 

I like 4-7-8 breathing too. Sometimes I look at a visual clock (w/second hand) and try to gradually slow my breath to 5-6 breaths per minute (I read about this in the book Healing Power of the Breath). There is also an app called "Breathe" or "Breathe Deep" that I've found useful. 

 

I hope things improve for you soon.

 

 

[brassmonkey]

The clock always restarts with the latest Dose Change Event so you'd have to start counting from September.

 

Thanks for the detailed reply about what is going on.  I asked the questions so I could get some sense of how you're handling things.  That period of total lack of motivation is a frustrating one to get through.  We all want to be better and get out and do things, but that's society pressuring us to be "productive".  Right now your body is saying that it needs lots of rest and a minimum of stimulation.  Too much "thinking about things" is getting in the way of the body trying to repair itself.  Fighting against it and trying to do too much, or rather much of anything can cause a lot of anxiety, which isn't good.  This is where acceptance is a key factor.  You need to give yourself permission to be a 'slug", by making it alright to do nothing you're being proactive in your recovery and giving your body the time and space it needs to do it's work.  All of the things you're doing are great and you need to keep them up as best as you can, but don't beat yourself up if things slide a bit.

 

A bit of passive distraction might be something to try.  Active distraction would be watching TV, reading a book, doing a hobby.  Passive distraction would be letting yourself get lost in watching the clouds out the window to the point where there is nothing in the world by you, the moving clouds and the sky. All other thought just slip away. At night you can do a similar thing with a candle flame or fireplace. Don't force it to happen, just let it happen.

 

It's wonderful that DH is being so supportive.  Make sure to let him know from time to time just how much you appreciate it.

[wantrelief]

1 hour ago, SkyBlue said:

Hi wantrelief, 

 

I like 4-7-8 breathing too. Sometimes I look at a visual clock (w/second hand) and try to gradually slow my breath to 5-6 breaths per minute (I read about this in the book Healing Power of the Breath). There is also an app called "Breathe" or "Breathe Deep" that I've found useful. 

 

I hope things improve for you soon.

 

 

Thanks for the tip, SkyBlue - that is a good idea to actually look at a clock and try to slow the breath down.  I usually just count to myself so don't know how accurate I really am with it.  I'll give your idea a try!  And thanks so much for your kind words.

[SkyBlue]

You're very welcome.

[wantrelief]

8 minutes ago, brassmonkey said:

The clock always restarts with the latest Dose Change Event so you'd have to start counting from September.

 

Thanks for the detailed reply about what is going on.  I asked the questions so I could get some sense of how you're handling things.  That period of total lack of motivation is a frustrating one to get through.  We all want to be better and get out and do things, but that's society pressuring us to be "productive".  Right now your body is saying that it needs lots of rest and a minimum of stimulation.  Too much "thinking about things" is getting in the way of the body trying to repair itself.  Fighting against it and trying to do too much, or rather much of anything can cause a lot of anxiety, which isn't good.  This is where acceptance is a key factor.  You need to give yourself permission to be a 'slug", by making it alright to do nothing you're being proactive in your recovery and giving your body the time and space it needs to do it's work.  All of the things you're doing are great and you need to keep them up as best as you can, but don't beat yourself up if things slide a bit.

 

A bit of passive distraction might be something to try.  Active distraction would be watching TV, reading a book, doing a hobby.  Passive distraction would be letting yourself get lost in watching the clouds out the window to the point where there is nothing in the world by you, the moving clouds and the sky. All other thought just slip away. At night you can do a similar thing with a candle flame or fireplace. Don't force it to happen, just let it happen.

 

It's wonderful that DH is being so supportive.  Make sure to let him know from time to time just how much you appreciate it.

Good to know when the clock restarts!  Your post was really helpful to me.  I have been really trying to accept this time to rest but it has been hard not to feel badly about the lack of productivity in my life at the moment....especially as I have always worked (except for times when I was in school but that was also goal oriented) so it is very foreign to me to be at home.  I will try your idea of passive distraction...it sounds peaceful.  And thank you for the reminder to tell my husband how much I appreciate him....I don't know what I would do without him so for sure will do that - right now!

[JS11]

9 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Thanks for the tip, SkyBlue - that is a good idea to actually look at a clock and try to slow the breath down.  I usually just count to myself so don't know how accurate I really am with it.  I'll give your idea a try!  And thanks so much for your kind words.

 

 

Thank you for the information the both of you.  I always thought it was 3, 7,8.  Learning something new all the time. Clock a good idea too!

P.S. Didn't mean to intrude.

take care,

JS

[bheb]

So glad to read that you still have continued support (from your husband). It's really so important. I wouldn't be surprised if healing time is greatly extended for people in stressful family situations with little to no support.

 

I also relate to your need to be productive. I really really hate the state I'm in too. I've got agitation and akathisia-like symptoms that make me want to move, but most of the time I try really hard to sit and test them. It's like I'm trying to force myself to sit and be comfortable because the pacing makes me feel so bad. It makes me feel crazy. Sitting/lying down is the true test of whether I'm improving because that is when the agitation is worst, and I am constantly checking to see if I feel better.  I say that because it means that I spend most of my time lying in bed watching TV or something. I hate watching tv, actually. Makes me feel really useless; it also bores me. 

 

I hope things get easier for you so that you can get out and do things that feel more enriching.