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wantrelief
1 minute ago, Rosetta said:

 

Yes, my daughter is trying to get over a cold.  She missed two mornings last week - her reading classes.  I cannot BELIEVE I have to drag her out of bed an hour earlier tomorrow.  Fingers crossed that I will feel ok when I wake up.

 

I'm hanging in there, Wantrelief.  It's been a crazy week with two bad nights and my moods changing quickly within hours.  I'm trying to "accept" and I'm very, very bad at it, lol.

I am sorry about your daughter, Rosetta.  I will keep my fingers crossed that you feel ok tomorrow when you wake up and have to get your daughter ready.  I am glad to hear you are hanging in there. I wonder if your moods changing so quickly is a sign of your brain working hard to adjust to get to a normal state.  I can understand how this would be difficult to deal with not knowing what the hour is going to bring but I am hoping in the end it is a good sign.  I know what you mean about acceptance - I am also trying so hard to accept but don't feel like I am very good at it either.  :/  All we can do is keep trying.  I hope tomorrow morning goes ok for you.

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Rosetta

Thank you!

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wantrelief

Hello all,

 

I took the plunge and made another small cut of 3.3% on Tuesday so I am now on 23.6 mg of citalopram.  It has been a month since my last decrease and there were no worsening of symptoms so I thought it was time to try again.  I was thinking that reaching tolerance on citalopram - or at least that is what I think happened - is a blessing in disguise as I have been wanting to be off of ADs for so long but have never been able to do so.  Now I know I can't fall back on this drug as I had in the past when things would get rocky.  

 

I've been working on my CBT skills, recognizing my thoughts and trying to reframe them.  Most of my thoughts seem to be centered around fear, doubt, and shame.  Lots of fears and doubts about this process: how I am going to get through it, if I'll ever be normal again, having to also taper a benzo, and the list goes on.  

 

The shame filled thoughts are around accepting how limited my life has become.  I miss working, not my last career but the routine and camaraderie of the workplace, the feeling of accomplishment and such.  I don't think I could manage a job at the moment so am working on accepting taking care of myself as my job for now.  I also have thoughts about being "less than" for not working and/or not having much of a life right now.  

 

To end on a positive note, it has been absolutely stunning here.  I spend a lot of time these days on my couch and outside the window is a cherry blossom tree in full bloom against a bright blue sky - really beautiful.  I have been taking some gentle walks and have appreciated feeling the warmth of the sun.  

 

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Rosetta

Aww, Wantrelief, what a beautiful update.  I'm sure that cherry tree is gorgeous!  

 

I feel all these feelings everyday: 

29 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

The shame filled thoughts are around accepting how limited my life has become.  I miss working, not my last career but the routine and camaraderie of the workplace, the feeling of accomplishment and such.  I don't think I could manage a job at the moment so am working on accepting taking care of myself as my job for now.  I also have thoughts about being "less than" for not working and/or not having much of a life right now.  

 

It's tough.  I think I was in "poop-out," too, but then I got close to or maybe reached serotonin syndrome.  These drugs are so dangerous and the prescriber should be much more knowledgable about symptoms of adverse effects!  

 

My life is very limited, too.  I'm so lonely, but I can't be reliable.  So, I make very few plans with people.  I could not manage a job right now, of course, but there aren't a lot of options for human contact.  I don't like to drive on the freeway, but it's almost required for me to see people.  I think it's difficult for most people to socialize, and for us it's harder.  It's too bad we can't all be closer geographically so that we could have friends that understand this mess.

 

 

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Downbutnotout
32 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Hello all,

 

I took the plunge and made another small cut of 3.3% on Tuesday so I am now on 23.6 mg of citalopram.  It has been a month since my last decrease and there were no worsening of symptoms so I thought it was time to try again.  I was thinking that reaching tolerance on citalopram - or at least that is what I think happened - is a blessing in disguise as I have been wanting to be off of ADs for so long but have never been able to do so.  Now I know I can't fall back on this drug as I had in the past when things would get rocky.  

 

I've been working on my CBT skills, recognizing my thoughts and trying to reframe them.  Most of my thoughts seem to be centered around fear, doubt, and shame.  Lots of fears and doubts about this process: how I am going to get through it, if I'll ever be normal again, having to also taper a benzo, and the list goes on.  

 

The shame filled thoughts are around accepting how limited my life has become.  I miss working, not my last career but the routine and camaraderie of the workplace, the feeling of accomplishment and such.  I don't think I could manage a job at the moment so am working on accepting taking care of myself as my job for now.  I also have thoughts about being "less than" for not working and/or not having much of a life right now.  

 

To end on a positive note, it has been absolutely stunning here.  I spend a lot of time these days on my couch and outside the window is a cherry blossom tree in full bloom against a bright blue sky - really beautiful.  I have been taking some gentle walks and have appreciated feeling the warmth of the sun.  

 

I hope it works out for you. Where do you live? I know I’m not working either and it makes it harder. 

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wantrelief
1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Aww, Wantrelief, what a beautiful update.  I'm sure that cherry tree is gorgeous!  

 

I feel all these feelings everyday: 

 

It's tough.  I think I was in "poop-out," too, but then I got close to or maybe reached serotonin syndrome.  These drugs are so dangerous and the prescriber should be much more knowledgable about symptoms of adverse effects!  

 

My life is very limited, too.  I'm so lonely, but I can't be reliable.  So, I make very few plans with people.  I could not manage a job right now, of course, but there aren't a lot of options for human contact.  I don't like to drive on the freeway, but it's almost required for me to see people.  I think it's difficult for most people to socialize, and for us it's harder.  It's too bad we can't all be closer geographically so that we could have friends that understand this mess.

 

 

I am lonely too - it would be wonderful if we all could be closer to support one another in person. It would be so nice to have friends in real life who truly understand our pain.  Don't forget you have a very big job you are doing, Rosetta, in raising your daughter.  

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wantrelief
1 hour ago, Downbutnotout said:

I hope it works out for you. Where do you live? I know I’m not working either and it makes it harder. 

Thanks, DBNO.  I hope it works out too....I have such a long road ahead of me.  I live in Seattle.

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Kristine

Hey WantRelief,  Just thought I'd drop by and let you know I've been thinking of you and hoping your latest cut is going okay.  This is such a brutal and difficult path on so many levels. I related so much to your post about feeling "less than" and feeling shame.  I've come to the conclusion that even though my life is extremely fractured and limited, this process has forced me to deeply reflect on my past destructive thought processes, self beliefs and behaviours which lead me down this path in the first place.  Prehaps this is the silver lining of this torture...we are becoming more self aware which will assist our future selves to appreciate the tiny blessings, leading to a life of contentment. I think you are well on your way my friend :)

On 17/03/2018 at 11:16 AM, wantrelief said:

To end on a positive note, it has been absolutely stunning here.  I spend a lot of time these days on my couch and outside the window is a cherry blossom tree in full bloom against a bright blue sky - really beautiful.  I have been taking some gentle walks and have appreciated feeling the warmth of the sun.  

This made me smile...beautiful! Xo 

Much Love and Hugs K xo

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Downbutnotout

I hope you succeed. 

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wantrelief
19 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey WantRelief,  Just thought I'd drop by and let you know I've been thinking of you and hoping your latest cut is going okay.  This is such a brutal and difficult path on so many levels. I related so much to your post about feeling "less than" and feeling shame.  I've come to the conclusion that even though my life is extremely fractured and limited, this process has forced me to deeply reflect on my past destructive thought processes, self beliefs and behaviours which lead me down this path in the first place.  Prehaps this is the silver lining of this torture...we are becoming more self aware which will assist our future selves to appreciate the tiny blessings, leading to a life of contentment. I think you are well on your way my friend :)

Your messages always sound so wise, Kristine.  I really appreciate your thinking about me and for everything you said.  I wish we didn't have to go through all of this but it is something I've wondered about, that there is some greater purpose to all of this as you so eloquently articulated.  It is a process that does make us reflect on how we got here in the first place and hopefully learn from that, leading to a stronger sense of self and greater appreciation for what is truly meaningful in our lives.  I am so grateful to have met you, Kristine.

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Kristine
9 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Your messages always sound so wise, Kristine.  I really appreciate your thinking about me and for everything you said.  I wish we didn't have to go through all of this but it is something I've wondered about, that there is some greater purpose to all of this as you so eloquently articulated.  It is a process that does make us reflect on how we got here in the first place and hopefully learn from that, leading to a stronger sense of self and greater appreciation for what is truly meaningful in our lives.  I am so grateful to have met you, Kristine.

Oh WR, I wish I was wiser!! I think you are wise. Most of the time I feel like the lights have been switched off and I'm fumbling around in the dark.  As you said,  I think it is leading to a "stronger sense of self" which in turn won't be numbed and chemically distorted by these poisons. I think all I am striving for is an authentic life experience.  I'm so grateful to have met you as well WR. Love K xo

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Downbutnotout

You are both so inspiring. 

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wantrelief
15 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

You are both so inspiring. 

I think everyone on this site, including you DBNO, is inspiring in their individual journeys rethinking medication and attempting to do what is not usually supported by mainstream medicine. I will pop by your thread to see how you are doing.

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Downbutnotout
10 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I think everyone on this site, including you DBNO, is inspiring in their individual journeys rethinking medication and attempting to do what is not usually supported by mainstream medicine. I will pop by your thread to see how you are doing.

Oh thanks wantrelief. I’m really struggling with coming up with some kind of strategy. 

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RealMe
On 3/19/2018 at 7:32 PM, wantrelief said:

It is a process that does make us reflect on how we got here in the first place and hopefully learn from that, leading to a stronger sense of self and greater appreciation for what is truly meaningful in our lives.

Hi Wantrelief,

This is such an important truth and so beautifully stated!  Thank you.

xo RM

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Kristine

Hey WantRelief, Thank you for your kind words on my thread...your words are always very special.  How are you feeling my selfless friend? Please don't feel pressured to answer if you are not up to it, just know I am thinking of you Love and (((hugs))) K xo

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wantrelief
3 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey WantRelief, Thank you for your kind words on my thread...your words are always very special.  How are you feeling my selfless friend? Please don't feel pressured to answer if you are not up to it, just know I am thinking of you Love and (((hugs))) K xo

That is so kind of you to say....I feel like your words are the special ones.  I am ok, not great to be honest.  Hormones are causing some increased emotionality on top of withdrawal and causing migraines - which I normally get - but it has been bad this week. My usual migraine medication is not helping as much as usual so now I am wondering if this medication is "pooping out" on me too. The pain is making me anxious and I need to find ways of coping with it better.  Your coming by my thread is  very much appreciated, you always seem to brighten my mood!

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Rosetta

Hugs, Wantrelief!  I am hoping the PMS issues lessen as WD lessens.  It appears to be the case as so many women have healed. I've never seen anyone say otherwise.  I'm trying to track it so that I can see improvement to give me extra positive self talking points.  Spring is always a difficult time for PMS for me, and I'm not sure if that's true for most people or not.  I'm pretty sure that something about being in WD that makes PMS so much more difficult.  Much more intense everything!  Hang in there!

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wantrelief
1 minute ago, Rosetta said:

Hugs, Wantrelief!  I am hoping the PMS issues lessen as WD lessens.  It appears to be the case as so many women have healed. I've never seen anyone say otherwise.  I'm trying to track it so that I can see improvement to give me extra positive self talking points.  Spring is always a difficult time for PMS for me, and I'm not sure if that's true for most people or not.  I'm pretty sure that something about being in WD that makes PMS so much more difficult.  Much more intense everything!  Hang in there!

Thank you for your support and the hugs, Rosetta. I sure hope you are right and PMS issues lessen as WD lessens - that would be wonderful! Hugs right back at ya!

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Kristine
20 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

That is so kind of you to say....I feel like your words are the special ones.  I am ok, not great to be honest.  Hormones are causing some increased emotionality on top of withdrawal and causing migraines - which I normally get - but it has been bad this week. My usual migraine medication is not helping as much as usual so now I am wondering if this medication is "pooping out" on me too. The pain is making me anxious and I need to find ways of coping with it better.  Your coming by my thread is  very much appreciated, you always seem to brighten my mood!

You are such a sweetheart! ...oh lord..bloody hormones! Tell me about it :wacko: I'm sorry you are suffering from migraines....is this the pain you are referring too? I also know this all too well...I stopped taking my usual migraine medication about 6 weeks ago because it can exacerbate serotonin syndrome. Peppermint oil and a dark room can help a little. maybe we should both do a body scan meditation and report back to each other?! 

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wantrelief
2 minutes ago, Kristine said:

You are such a sweetheart! ...oh lord..bloody hormones! Tell me about it :wacko: I'm sorry you are suffering from migraines....is this the pain you are referring too? I also know this all too well...I stopped taking my usual migraine medication about 6 weeks ago because it can exacerbate serotonin syndrome. Peppermint oil and a dark room can help a little. maybe we should both do a body scan meditation and report back to each other?! 

Yes, migraine pain. :(  I need to buy some peppermint oil and try that - where do you put the oil when you are having migraines?  Was your migraine medication a triptan?  I use Maxalt (a triptan) and have never had a problem with serotonin syndrome but am aware that it can cause it if used with ADs. I would like to not use it at all but am frightened at how bad the pain would get without it....yet another thing I feel like I am reliant upon. I like the idea of trying a body scan meditation and reporting back to one another.  

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Kristine
25 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Yes, migraine pain. :(  I need to buy some peppermint oil and try that - where do you put the oil when you are having migraines?  Was your migraine medication a triptan?  I use Maxalt (a triptan) and have never had a problem with serotonin syndrome but am aware that it can cause it if used with ADs. I would like to not use it at all but am frightened at how bad the pain would get without it....yet another thing I feel like I am reliant upon. I like the idea of trying a body scan meditation and reporting back to one another.  

Peppermint oil has been a life saver for me because it also helps with nausea (thankfully that has passed for now). I have a essential oil diffuser...a ultrasonic diffuser. I would really recommend them. Mine automatically switches itself off when the water runs out and has a light switch which slowly changes colours from blue, pink, purple and a warm white...it is such a soft light...I watch it at night sometimes when I can't sleep..it's hypnotic!  I also massage the peppermint oil (mixed with a carrier oil- otherwise for me it is too concentrated for my skin) into my temples...also google "acupressure points for migraine" I will push on these points with a little of the oil on my finger. 

 

I used to use a medication called Mersyndol which is a combination of paracetamol 450mg, codeine phosphate 9.75mg and doxylamine succinate 5mg (I would take two tablets)...a terrible combination of drugs! Im not familiar with Maxalt.  I understand the fear you speak of. However, as I'm sure you already know, the more stressed one becomes the more intense and painful the migraine :( it's such a vicious cycle. I have found that I clench my jaw when very stressed which can lead to a tension headache or make an exsisting migraine worse. I try to focus my attention around these muscles to relax them. This also helps a little. 

 

I put a guided body scan meditation on my thread :wub: xo

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wantrelief
1 minute ago, Kristine said:

Peppermint oil has been a life saver for me because it also helps with nausea (thankfully that has passed for now). I have a essential oil diffuser...a ultrasonic diffuser. I would really recommend them. Mine automatically switches itself off when the water runs out and has a light switch which slowly changes colours from blue, pink, purple and a warm white...it is such a soft light...I watch it at night sometimes when I can't sleep..it's hypnotic!  I also massage the peppermint oil (mixed with a carrier oil- otherwise for me it is too concentrated for my skin) into my temples...also google "acupressure points for migraine" I will push on these points with a little of the oil on my finger. 

 

I used to use a medication called Mersyndol which is a combination of paracetamol 450mg, codeine phosphate 9.75mg and doxylamine succinate 5mg (I would take two tablets)...a terrible combination of drugs! Im not familiar with Maxalt.  I understand the fear you speak of. However, as I'm sure you already know, the more stressed one becomes the more intense and painful the migraine :( it's such a vicious cycle. I have found that I clench my jaw when very stressed which can lead to a tension headache or make an exsisting migraine worse. I try to focus my attention around these muscles to relax them. This also helps a little. 

 

I put a guided body scan meditation on my thread :wub: xo

Thank you for the information about the peppermint oil.  I don't have an oil diffuser but it sounds like something worth trying.  It is great you were able to stop taking the migraine med you were using....that takes a lot of courage!!  I too clench my jaw when I am stressed so I know that is probably exacerbating the pain.  It really is a vicious cycle with stress and headache.  Thank you for posting a guided body scan meditation on your thread - I'll check it out! :) 

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Kristine
1 hour ago, wantrelief said:

Thank you for the information about the peppermint oil.  I don't have an oil diffuser but it sounds like something worth trying.  It is great you were able to stop taking the migraine med you were using....that takes a lot of courage!!  I too clench my jaw when I am stressed so I know that is probably exacerbating the pain.  It really is a vicious cycle with stress and headache.  Thank you for posting a guided body scan meditation on your thread - I'll check it out! :) 

Maybe you could treat yourself to a diffuser! There are some really beautiful designs. Some have a wooden base which are beautiful. I really hope you treat yourself. I'm not sure if stopping the Mersyndol was courage (but thank you for saying so!)...I think it was fear! It was around the time that I was still on 40mg of Prozac and a much higher dose of the Dex and symptomatic with SS. I discovered that the codeine and antihistamine can make it worse (also antiemetics :wacko:). Biggest of (((HUGS))) my friend :wub:

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wantrelief
3 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Maybe you could treat yourself to a diffuser! There are some really beautiful designs. Some have a wooden base which are beautiful. I really hope you treat yourself. I'm not sure if stopping the Mersyndol was courage (but thank you for saying so!)...I think it was fear! It was around the time that I was still on 40mg of Prozac and a much higher dose of the Dex and symptomatic with SS. I discovered that the codeine and antihistamine can make it worse (also antiemetics :wacko:). Biggest of (((HUGS))) my friend :wub:

I think everything you do is courageous, Kristine.  I think I will treat myself to a diffuser!  I really love essential oils and it sounds like it would be soothing if nothing else.  Thank you very much for the suggestion.

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bheb
13 hours ago, Kristine said:

Maybe you could treat yourself to a diffuser!

 

Hey Kristine, wantrelief .. I second this suggestion! I found the whole ritual of changing out the oils and turning the machine on to be helpful. It's something I can do everyday that I know won't make me worse. Mine has a an array of color light settings too.

 

13 hours ago, Kristine said:

I think it was fear! It was around the time that I was still on 40mg of Prozac and a much higher dose of the Dex and symptomatic with SS. I discovered that the codeine and antihistamine can make it worse (also antiemetics :wacko:

 

Yikes! That can be a  bad combination, I'm sorry you had to experience it. I also was on some cold medicine and antiemetics once and noticed symptoms very similar to (if not an an exacerbation of) my Prozac induced restlessness and agitation. Of course was never warned to be watchful of any interactions. 

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RealMe

Hi Wantrelief,

Just checking on you.  Hope your migraines are better.

xo RM

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wantrelief
14 minutes ago, RealMe said:

Hi Wantrelief,

Just checking on you.  Hope your migraines are better.

xo RM

Hi RM - Thanks for stopping by and checking in on me, much appreciated.  I still have the migraine today but it seems a bit less so that is a positive.  I will pop by your thread and see how you are doing.

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Kristine
23 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I still have the migraine today but it seems a bit less so that is a positive.

Hey WR, I hoping you have had further improvement with the migraine pain today? They are so debilitating :( I'm wondering if the bodyscan meditation helped a little....also...just a thought...being Easter and all...chocolate can exacerbate and bring on migraines for me :wacko: I'm trying to stay clear of it...hard when chocolate eggs keeps making their way into the house!

On 30/03/2018 at 2:19 AM, bheb said:

Hey Kristine, wantrelief .. I second this suggestion! I found the whole ritual of changing out the oils and turning the machine on to be helpful. It's something I can do everyday that I know won't make me worse. Mine has a an array of color light settings too.

Another diffuser user! Hi Bheb :)

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wantrelief
15 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey WR, I hoping you have had further improvement with the migraine pain today? They are so debilitating :( I'm wondering if the bodyscan meditation helped a little....also...just a thought...being Easter and all...chocolate can exacerbate and bring on migraines for me :wacko: I'm trying to stay clear of it...hard when chocolate eggs keeps making their way into the house!

Thanks so much for checking-in on me, my friend....so very sweet of you.  The migraine is still there but better, thankfully.  I think the body scan was helpful and am grateful that you reminded me of that tool. I just got home from having a dental procedure done so now will have another type of pain to focus on at least.  <_<  I think the migraine for me is definitely linked to hormones as I go through this every month, it has just been worse this month for some reason.  I wish some chocolate eggs had made an appearance but has not been the case. Sigh.  

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Kristine
10 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Thanks so much for checking-in on me, my friend....so very sweet of you.  The migraine is still there but better, thankfully.  I think the body scan was helpful and am grateful that you reminded me of that tool. I just got home from having a dental procedure done so now will have another type of pain to focus on at least.  <_<  I think the migraine for me is definitely linked to hormones as I go through this every month, it has just been worse this month for some reason.  I wish some chocolate eggs had made an appearance but has not been the case. Sigh.  

No doubt in my mind hormones exacerbate withdrawal. As if we didn't have enough to deal with!...and a dental procedure <_< bugger, I'm sorry WR. I hope it wasn't a major procedure and you recover quickly.  Rest and be kind to yourself my friend. K xo

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wantrelief
51 minutes ago, Kristine said:

No doubt in my mind hormones exacerbate withdrawal. As if we didn't have enough to deal with!...and a dental procedure <_< bugger, I'm sorry WR. I hope it wasn't a major procedure and you recover quickly.  Rest and be kind to yourself my friend. K xo

Thanks so much, Kristine.  I had to have a tooth removed and a bone graft done.....I look like a Halloween pumpkin at the moment. :/  It is really hard to have anything on top of withdrawal, that is for sure.  I really appreciate your well wishes and support! 

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Kristine
15 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

I had to have a tooth removed and a bone graft done.....I look like a Halloween pumpkin at the moment. :/  It is really hard to have anything on top of withdrawal, that is for sure.

:(:blink::( That's not minor! Lordy, I'm hoping you can get some rest and eat some...jelly? (I think you guys call it Jello)...broth? I'd tuck you up in bed if I could. If it's any consolation I look like one of those extras in a zombie movie...with really bad hair. (((Hugs))) and Love. K xo

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wantrelief
2 minutes ago, Kristine said:

:(:blink::( That's not minor! Lordy, I'm hoping you can get some rest and eat some...jelly? (I think you guys call it Jello)...broth? I'd tuck you up in bed if I could. If it's any consolation I look like one of those extras in a zombie movie...with really bad hair. (((Hugs))) and Love. K xo

You are so funny!  We would be quite the pair.  So sweet of you to say you would tuck me up in bed....that sounds so nice.  Hugs and love to you.  -WR

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FarmGirlWorks

Hey WR, how's it going? I see you've gone to the dentist and have a path there. Good vibes being sent your way.

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wantrelief
40 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Hey WR, how's it going? I see you've gone to the dentist and have a path there. Good vibes being sent your way.

Hi there FGW!  Thanks for stopping by.  It took me forever to get off of the couch today (well, that is actually not too different than most of my days) but finally made it out for a quick bite to eat and a short walk.  The sun is actually trying to make an appearance today!  How are you doing?  Did you finish the art project?  Good vibes right back at you!

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