almuPA Posted October 21, 2020 Share Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) Hello, I am going to try to be as clear and short as possible, but as I am not in my best moment, I apologize in advance in case what I write makes no sense at all. In March 2019 I went to my GP because I was having daily panic attacks and I had depression. I hated my job and waking up from bed was so difficult. My doctor gave me a prescription for 10mg of Citalopram and told me to come back in three weeks to see how I was doing. I have to say that in a week I saw big improvements. I was able to wake-up from bed and the panic decreased a lot, even though it was not gone. I went back to the GP as I was told and she increased the medication to 20mg. I was not bad, little by little I was able to go back to my life. I quitted my job and I started to study and learn other things. But it was not me. It was like I had a curtain in mind that did not allow certain thoughts and actions. I had always been a very active person, but suddenly I was not able to run or make any aerobic exercise. My sexual desire was completely gone. But to be honest, at the time I thought it was a little price to pay for not having panic. As I said, the anxiety was still there, but it was not as much as before. In June of 2019 I moved to other area, and I made a huge mistake. I run out from my Citalopram blister before I register in a new GP. On top of that, when I realized it was too late because I was going on a honey moon for a week. So I thought: “I will take the ones I have left and take them every other day”. In my defense, I had no idea of the effect this could have. Let’s just say it was not the best trip of my life. The panic returned and I didn’t understand why. I coped as I could with the help of my husband and when I came back I registered with the GP and told them I needed my prescription. They were very nice and gave an appointment with the pharmacists (in that surgery you can’t see the doctor for a repeated prescription of antidepressants) ASAP. He told me that I could not be on the antidepressants for too long and that I had to start thinking about quitting them. I told him I was not ready, and went out with a prescription and a paper talking about how to quit antidepressants and the withdrawal effects. Now that I know what I know, I can say that the paper was a joke: three days to a week of flu-like symptoms and a mild comeback of the anxiety and depression. Anyways, I related my symptoms in my honey moon with that but I did not give it too much thought. After a couple of more months and given the pharmacist insistence, I allowed to have a lower dosage. I went from 20mg to 10mg without any tapering, (I think it was in November 2019, but I an not sure of the month). I did not have a huge withdrawal effect, but I could feel some changes. Suddenly, I was feeling exhausted. Even after a 30 minute walk I felt like I needed to lay down. I did not have the same energy and concentration. I stopped meditating and stretching because I just did not feel like it. In every visit, the pharmacist was still insisting in me quitting the antidepressants. He mentioned that it would be easy: just take them every other day for a while and then I will be ready to stop them. To be honest, as they were not as effective as before, I agreed to do that. In March 2020, I started to “taper” from 10mg of Citalopram by taking them how the pharmacist told me. He did not mention for how long I should do that and this was the time of the first wave of COVID-19, so I could not really see any doctors. I just did it for a month and then stopped (April 2020). It felt great for like 5 days. Then I could not take it. That was more than flu-like symptoms. I was dizzy, I could not even be on the couch, I had to be in bed, just sleeping or watching youtube. I had headache and my stomach was closed, I could not eat. The only source of information I had was that stupid paper (sorry for that, but I am feeling a bit frustrated as I am writing), that the pharmacists gave me again when I said I was open to quitting the citalopram. So I gave myself 4-5 days to be in bed and then I forced myself out. I was not feeling much better, but I thought: ‘this will go away, I am fine’. Little by little I felt better. But things changed: I realized I had no patience. I was so grumpy all day. My sexual desire came back x3. I could do exercise again. For a couple of months I was full of energy, so much so that it was difficult to sleep, I would go to bed at 11pm and would wake-up at 2-3 am and being awake for a couple of hours until I could go back sleep again. But since I’ve always had trouble sleeping, I did not pay much attention. Until June (2020). At the end June, and while I was in my PMS, I felt terrible. I had a huge panic attack, like nothing I had before. I really felt I was going to die. I got so scared, I was going out my mind. My husband had to literally take me out of bed to the garden where I could breath fresh air. This repeated in the next days. I was in a panic mode all day, with suicidal thoughts and low mood. I had never felt so bad in my life. I did not understand anything of what was happening. After I had my period, I felt a bit better (I am saying this in case somebody else feels the same way, to tell them that yes, the period may worsen the symptoms). But I was exhausted again. I found myself in bed again. Going for a walk felt like a marathon. I called to my GP and what he told was that I needed more hours of sleep and that he will prescribe me with some sleeping tablets. I never went to collect them. I felt frustrated and in panic and without strength. So I just went to Spain for a few days with my family and the doctor I had since I was a child sent me to do a blood test. My iron was super low, and he prescribed me with iron tablets (which with time helped with the tiredness). But I still did not understand the other symptoms. That’s when I found this website, that literally saved my life. I could not believe that nobody had said anything about withdrawal from antidepressants. Since then, I had been experiencing different symptoms: headache, brain fog, forgetfulness, dizziness, pain in my legs and arms, chest pain, panic, depression… It looks like a simple list of things but it fees horrible. I have some windows, but even then I still don’t feel like myself. When I have windows where I don’t feel very deep physical or psychological symptoms, I am still very impatient and not very tolerant. When I have a wave like right now… Well, my world is reduce to watch funny things on Netflix and Youtube and hope for the time to past as quick as possible. It is very difficult, since I’d always had health anxiety. So if I have a headache I think I have a brain tumor and then I go into panic mode. If I have pain in the chest I think I am having a heart attack and again panic mode. But I don’t even want to call the GP or go the ER because I don’t think they are going to believe me. I feel very lonely because I don’t think people understand what I going through. My husband is great and he supports me, but he can only do that much. He try me to go out of bed, but he doesn’t understand that somedays I just can’t. I try to have a routine of waking-up, going for a short walk and have a shower and breakfast, to make sure that at least I am still human. But then is like I can’t do anymore. I don’t have the strength to do anything. Somedays I don’t even eat because I feel is useless. I have a huge pain in the back of my neck, maybe because of the tension of the anxiety and panic attacks. It cracks when I move, and it scares me. I tried the magnesium a couple of times but it gives me more anxiety. I really don’t know what to do to feel better. There are so many brave people on this website, but I don’t think I am that much brave. I feel like my life is going out of my hands. I don’t enjoy anything anymore. It’s been 6 months since my last dose and I don’t see a big improvement. Actually, this wave I am right now feels terrible, like I went back to what I was experiencing in July. I know people around me are worried about me, but when I mentioned the withdrawal they say: “that can’t last for so long”. So I don’t know what to do to not make them worry. Edited October 21, 2020 by Gridley March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted October 21, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 21, 2020 Welcome to SA, almuPA. I'm sorry you're feeling bad. As you've learned, doctors and pharmacists have no concept of safe tapering and don't believe in the existence of significant withdrawal. When the people around you say that can't last so long, you can show them the revised psychiatric guidelines for the U.K. which for the first time admit that severe, long-term antidepressant withdrawal exists. There are no precise statistics on how many suffer severe withdrawal but it is quite common. UK's NICE health guidelines now caution about severe and ... To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly. Please include your tapers and drug reductions along with dates, including the date and dose of your last dose of Citalopram. A list format is best. You'll need to use a computer rather than a phone. Use the following link and press "save" when you're finished. Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature. It's good your husband is trying to help. Take a look at this link. Helping family understand As far as making your loved ones not worry, it is a fact that you will heal. We can't predict how long it will take, except to say it will be very likely longer than you would like. I suggest your read the Success Stories section on the main forum. You can also Google SurvivingAntidperessants.org Citalopram Celexa success stories. So that you have a better understanding of what you're experiencing, here is some information on withdrawal and the healing process. The symptoms you describe are typical of withdrawal. The health anxiety you describe is common in withdrawal, as is the fatigue and lack of motivation to do anything and lack of pleasure in anything (anhedonia). I had back of neck pain that was resistant to massage and chiropractic, but after a time it resolved on its own. What is withdrawal syndrome. The following link lists common withdrawal symptoms. Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur. These explain the healing process really well. Brain Remodelling Video: Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems. If the magnesium doesn't agree with you, I'd leave it alone. You might try it again after some time at a lower dose and maybe a different type. Magnesium glycinate is known for being calming. One supplement that we recommend is omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find it to be calming to the nervous system. Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) Add in at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Get supplements that ae single ingredient (not mixed with other types of supplements). We recommend non-drug techniques to cope with withdrawal. Take a look at the links in the following link and see which techniques you think might be helpful to you. Non-drug techniques to cope This is your Introduction topic, where you can complete your drug signature, ask questions and connect with other members. We're glad you found your way here. Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
almuPA Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 Oh, Gridley, you are such an angel, I can't thank you enough for reading that long thing I wrote and for answering. I appreciate it so so so much. I will read the links you attached (thanks again) calmly, trying to keep a positive mind. 12 hours ago, Gridley said: To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly. Please include your tapers and drug reductions along with dates, including the date and dose of your last dose of Citalopram. A list format is best. You'll need to use a computer rather than a phone. Use the following link and press "save" when you're finished. Sorry, I didn't about that, I've done already:) 12 hours ago, Gridley said: You might try it again after some time at a lower dose and maybe a different type. Magnesium glycinate is known for being calming. One supplement that we recommend is omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find it to be calming to the nervous system. I bought omega 3 a while ago, but I haven't dared to try it, but I will do in the next days and let's see. Again, thank you. To be honest, I don't know where I would be without this website. March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
Mentor Leila Posted October 22, 2020 Mentor Share Posted October 22, 2020 Dear @almuPA, we are in the same boat unfortunatly from the same drug.... I undestand perfectly how you feel... It's like we are blocked, scared from past issues and possible new issues... Also me I had the same timeline: a period in which I feel full of energy before the crash...What odd summer for us! I hope one day it will be only a bad memory... 23 hours ago, almuPA said: There are so many brave people on this website, but I don’t think I am that much brave. That's my thought every time I suffer for this WD... I saw in these month some slight improvements but it's debilitating that a day with mild symptoms is ruined cyclically from various days in which you feel to come back to the start... I had constantly the sensation that I had to survive the day, not live my own life... My mind continuously catastrophizes (I have always been hypocondriac but I'm scared terribly about the damage that WD can induce in my body...Also me I thought about heartattack or aneurysm and I often say goodbye to my family, believing I had to die). I'm scared to go crazy and that I can't have enough strenght to carry on... The only thing that keeps me going is thinking that I don't need this drug (because I did a course to exceed my difficulties) and I don't want to depend on a drug for the rest of my life. I want to live on my own all the shades of our miraculous life... For that I tried various stuff (CBT helps me with health anxiety) and I give up on things precious for me, like my work... Maybe I made wrong decisions and sometimes I regret but for the first time I put myself at the center... Acceptance of suffering is not easy for humans. When I try to meditate I perceive how inhuman (I don't find other word) is feeling impending doom or despair and try to ignore it... They asked us for a test beyond our means but sometimes I try to think to all people who suffer for this or other disease and I try to accept my part of suffering in this world. Maybe I'm not in the position of encouraging you because I feel in the middle of the storm but I want to say to you that I help you (at a distance) to hold the flag high. With all my empathy! Valeria 1 July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg). June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth Current supplement: - saffron pill (20 mg) + vit. E, omega 3 (EPA + DHA) 2g, magnesium bisglycinate 300 mg, iron , vitamin D3 (2500ui) +K7 (50 ui), vitamin C (1g) + quercitin (25 mg), theanine (as necessary). Try meditating / mindfulness, walking every day, CBT/ACT, massage. "E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again") (Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139) Link to comment
Krisseyb Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Ugh!!! I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. I am so glad you have a supportive husband. I think that makes a HUGE difference...although he doesn't totally understand what you are going through. I don't know what to say...I am about to start my taper (waiting for approval of liquid medicine) but I am sorry you are dealing with all this. If we had only known all this before they put us on these darn pills! Have you thought about therapy or anything? I have started EMDR therapy back in July. I am soooo glad I have started it. Look it up. I had never heard of it, and someone told me about it. I have also started meditating about 2 months ago. That seems to be helping also. Hang in there. I need you to be strong since I am about to start my taper and I'm a little nervous. I need stories like yours where I see improvement and that things WILL be okay someday!!! 2005-2020 diff AD for trouble sleeping, switched multiple times. 2020 Dec Escitalopram 10 mg 2021 Jan 10 mg -start BMS taper w/2 wk hold 2022 March 3.63 mg 2022 July 2.65 mg 2022 November 1.96 mg 2023 February 1.48 mg 2023 August .90 mg .25mg Melatonin (as needed) Link to comment
Krisseyb Posted October 22, 2020 Share Posted October 22, 2020 Ugh!!! I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. I am so glad you have a supportive husband. I think that makes a HUGE difference...although he doesn't totally understand what you are going through. I don't know what to say...I am about to start my taper (waiting for approval of liquid medicine) but I am sorry you are dealing with all this. If we had only known all this before they put us on these darn pills! Have you thought about therapy or anything? I have started EMDR therapy back in July. I am soooo glad I have started it. Look it up. I had never heard of it, and someone told me about it. I have also started meditating about 2 months ago. That seems to be helping also. Hang in there. I need you to be strong since I am about to start my taper and I'm a little nervous. I need stories like yours where I see improvement and that things WILL be okay someday!!! Oh, and by the way I have tried getting off twice (per dr's orders) "everyother day....or reduce by 1/4 every couple weeks...blah blah blah....) They don't have a clue!!! I felt WONDERFUL for about two months before the anxiety came back w/a vengeance!!! I had no idea I was supposed to taper really slow. So I quickly got back on (last December) So...here I go.... about to start my reduction journey..... 2005-2020 diff AD for trouble sleeping, switched multiple times. 2020 Dec Escitalopram 10 mg 2021 Jan 10 mg -start BMS taper w/2 wk hold 2022 March 3.63 mg 2022 July 2.65 mg 2022 November 1.96 mg 2023 February 1.48 mg 2023 August .90 mg .25mg Melatonin (as needed) Link to comment
almuPA Posted October 22, 2020 Author Share Posted October 22, 2020 @Leila, you are such an angel, and your words are so kind and give me so much strength that I don't even know how to thank you. 5 hours ago, Leila said: The only thing that keeps me going is thinking that I don't need this drug (because I did a course to exceed my difficulties) and I don't want to depend on a drug for the rest of my life. I want to live on my own all the shades of our miraculous life... Your words are so wise and so true. No matter how hard is this, it is better without the drugs. @Krisseyb, thank you too. Today I am not having a bad day (yeeessss, finally!), so yes, there is hope. Some days may be difficult, but the good days compensate everything. 3 hours ago, Krisseyb said: I have started EMDR therapy back in July I have never heard of that, thank you so much for introducing it to me! I will take a look at it:) March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
almuPA Posted November 14, 2020 Author Share Posted November 14, 2020 Hello, I have a new set of symptons. I have numbness and tingling sensation in my hands. The thing is that sometimes I drop things, specially with my left hand. For example, I drop my phone more than a couple of times, it just goes out of my hands. Or I am washing the dishes and they slip from my hands. It is very disturbing and, as I mentioned, I suffer from health anxiety, so my thoughts go straight to the posibility of a brain tumor or something like that. Has anybody had the same experience? Thanks in advance. March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted November 14, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 14, 2020 55 minutes ago, almuPA said: I have numbness and tingling sensation in my hands. This symptom, known as paresthesia, is a very common withdrawal symptom. Here is one link. For others, go to SurvivingAntidepressants.org paresthesia Paresthesia: Pins & Needles, Numbness, Tingling, Burning ... Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
Mentor Leila Posted November 21, 2020 Mentor Share Posted November 21, 2020 Ehi dear, how are you?🙏 July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg). June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth Current supplement: - saffron pill (20 mg) + vit. E, omega 3 (EPA + DHA) 2g, magnesium bisglycinate 300 mg, iron , vitamin D3 (2500ui) +K7 (50 ui), vitamin C (1g) + quercitin (25 mg), theanine (as necessary). Try meditating / mindfulness, walking every day, CBT/ACT, massage. "E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again") (Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139) Link to comment
almuPA Posted November 22, 2020 Author Share Posted November 22, 2020 On 11/14/2020 at 2:01 PM, Gridley said: This symptom, known as paresthesia, is a very common withdrawal symptom. Here is one link. For others, go to SurvivingAntidepressants.org paresthesia Paresthesia: Pins & Needles, Numbness, Tingling, Burning ... Thank you very much. I've read it from the first to the last comment. I've only seen a couple of mentions to "dropping objects", but at least is something. Thanks very much for taking the time to read and reply to me. On 11/21/2020 at 2:15 PM, Leila said: Ehi dear, how are you?🙏 Hello, @Leila, thanks very much for asking, you are an angel. I have better and worst days (like everyone, I guess). The good thing is that the panic attacks and extreme tiredness seemed to stop. Also, the other day in my daily morning walk, I was able to stop and think: "wow, what a wonderful day, the street looks so beautiful". I know it sounds odd, but a couple of months ago I was not able to perceive beauty or to feel that little moment of peace. This is a very very slow road, with one step forward and two backwards, but I can see some improvement and that give me faith. As an update, I will write my current symptoms (7 months after the last dose) : -Anxiety. It can come in random moments or last all day. -Brain frog. It has improved, but sometimes I still go downstairs and don't know how I got there (to give an example). - Problems trying to concentrate. - Forgetting words. In the three 3 languages I more or less speak. It is very uncomfortable specially in Spanish (my first language). - Little patience. I struggle with this A LOT. From people to doing a simple task, I have no patience. - Anger. Again, A LOT. Any stupid thing can trigger my anger, and I feel so bad and empty afterwards. - Heart palpitations. It is not too-too bad in itself, but it triggers my health anxiety. - Neck, back of the neck and shoulders stiffness and pain. I've started to do some gentle stretching, hope it helps. - Tired sight (I don't know if this is right term in English, sorry). My eyes get tired very easily and I am sensitive to the light (it actually happens since I started taking AD). - Pins and needles in my hands, arms, feet and head. Again, it triggers my health anxiety. I can have it for a couple of days in a row, only for a couple of hours.. It does not have a pattern. As I said before, sometimes this can lead to dropping objects and it is a bit frustrating. When I am with my period, I suffer as well from depression, crying spells and headaches. I realized that turmeric and liquorice (which I used to drink as a tea) give me dizziness, so they are out of my diet.I try to eat healthy (I've always done it), but I don't have a sugar, gluten or dairy free diet. I have suffered from ED in the past, so I don't think it is a good idea for me to be very restricted. Reading stories and advices in here has literally saved my life, so I can thank you enough for that. I still have a long road in front of me, but today at least I can be optimistic. March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
Mentor Leila Posted November 25, 2020 Mentor Share Posted November 25, 2020 On 11/22/2020 at 7:31 PM, almuPA said: Also, the other day in my daily morning walk, I was able to stop and think: "wow, what a wonderful day, the street looks so beautiful". I know it sounds odd, but a couple of months ago I was not able to perceive beauty or to feel that little moment of peace. This is a very very slow road, with one step forward and two backwards, but I can see some improvement and that give me faith. This is a great attitude, my dear! I'm really happy that you saw some slight improvements and that this suffering allowed you to enjoy moments of beauty. Let's keep them tight! Take care! I'm thinking of you!😘 July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg). June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth Current supplement: - saffron pill (20 mg) + vit. E, omega 3 (EPA + DHA) 2g, magnesium bisglycinate 300 mg, iron , vitamin D3 (2500ui) +K7 (50 ui), vitamin C (1g) + quercitin (25 mg), theanine (as necessary). Try meditating / mindfulness, walking every day, CBT/ACT, massage. "E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again") (Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139) Link to comment
almuPA Posted December 26, 2020 Author Share Posted December 26, 2020 Hello everyone and Marry Christmas. I am writting because I am quite desperate. I am in a big wave right now. My main sympton(but not the only one) is chronic fatigue, my muscles feel super tired. I manage to walk for 10 minutes a day and sometimes to do some things around the house, but that leave me exhausted and I have to spent most of the day on bed. On top of that, when is time to go to bed at night, my anxiety starts to pick up and is very hard for me to relax. So I am sleep deprived as well. Last night I went very early to bed to try to sleep more hours, but my husband kept on waking Up to the toilet. I was so nervous and anxious and told him to stop doing that, because I really needed to relax and to sleep. His answer was: "It is not my fault, you cant sleep because you spent all day in bed". It was like he slap me on my face. After that I couldnt sleep at all. I know this is hard for him too and that he doesnt completely understands what I am going thru right now, but I thought that at least he supported me. I've been all night thinking about what is the point of all of this. I've been suffering "only" for 5 months, and for what I've read in here, It can take years for me to recover. What is the point to keep on suffering and making other people suffer? I've never felt so lonely in my Life. March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
Mentor Leila Posted December 26, 2020 Mentor Share Posted December 26, 2020 Dear @almuPA, as I said, you are not alone and here you find people who can totally understand your situation. Our condition is beyond imagination and can generate misunderstandings and who loves us want to see us healed soon but we know that this is a slow process. We must exercise patience as much as possible (but for us is a very difficult job in the middle of this suffering). For the issues that you quote... Do you check blood values? Maybe the fatigue can come from some deficiency and with some supplements can improve. For sleep, I want to tell to you that I sleep with earplugs and night mask to avoid jolting at noises and light... Maybe you are already using these precautions but I try to suggest... Remember I fight with you, Leila 2 July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg). June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth Current supplement: - saffron pill (20 mg) + vit. E, omega 3 (EPA + DHA) 2g, magnesium bisglycinate 300 mg, iron , vitamin D3 (2500ui) +K7 (50 ui), vitamin C (1g) + quercitin (25 mg), theanine (as necessary). Try meditating / mindfulness, walking every day, CBT/ACT, massage. "E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again") (Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139) Link to comment
almuPA Posted January 7, 2021 Author Share Posted January 7, 2021 Thanks so much for your reply, Leila. I had Blood test done last July and most of my values were low, specially iron and vitamin D(no surprise since I live in England). I am still taking iron pills, but I still feel tired. With this whole corona situation theres is no way I can go to the doctor. And anyway, I have the feeling that since in my history they have the fact that I took AD, they don't believe me anymore(I had to make the Blood test in Spain during holidays, because in the UK the GP kept telling me I was ok and that I just needed to relax and sleep more🙄). My family is getting tired of me. My husband has no patience anymore and other people don't really believe I can be suffering from withdrawal after 9 months. But to be honest, I have no energy to try to "convince" anybody. Anyway, lets try to be positive and not lose faith in recocery.💪 March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
almuPA Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Hello, I have a question, hopefully somebody more knowledgeable than me can reply. I had a blood test done recently, and my white cells count had lowered quit a bit since my last one(in July 2020). I've read in this website( sorry that I dont have the exact link) that citalopram can have this effect. However, I have been off It for 10 months. Is It possible that it still have that effect on my body, or should I worry that is something else? Or could It be that I switched to a low histamine diet? I know you are not doctors, but anyway I don't think a real doctor would hear me. This topic is giving me a lot of anxiety, so any asnwer Will be highly appreciate. Thanks very much in advance, Almu. March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
almuPA Posted March 18, 2021 Author Share Posted March 18, 2021 Hello, I know the mods are very busy, but I will appreciate some advice. I am having the worst month of my life, even worst than when WD started. At this point, I am not sure if I can keep myself safe. So my question is, would it be any benefitial to take a tiny amount of AD? I quitted CT 11 months ago, so I was wondering if I could take an small amount for a while, and start tapering when(if) I feel better. Thanks in advance. March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
almuPA Posted April 12, 2021 Author Share Posted April 12, 2021 Hello everyone, I am here to give my one year update, even thought I don't rememeber the exact day I quitted AD. I have to say that this is a hell of a ride. Not in my worst nightmares I would imagine to go through something like this. I don't even know where to start. Maybe I should thank this website and all the people in here(mods and no mods), because without you, I would have probably have killed myself. But you gave me Hope that one day I will recover. I have experinced the Windows and waves pattern. The good news is that each window seems to bring me closer to myself, to Almu before the drugs. Last week(I think it was Wednesday) I found myself laughing like I havent in a long time, the kind of laughter that comes from the heart. It was great. Now I am heading to another wave, but I will keep that laughter as a reminder of who I am and will be. My current symptons are: palpitations, anxiety, morning cortisol(I wake up like scared, racing heart, etc...), insomnia (some days is better, some days is worst), derealization(this morning I found myself with the grated in my hand and asking myself what the hell was this for?), depersonalization, GRS (looks like it's getting better, fingers crossed), mentally tired(sometimes just talking to my husband seems like a big effort). Things that have helped me: Baths with epsom salts, low sugar, low dairy, low gluten, low histamine diet; Claire Weeks books(as her books are not translate to my language, I am reading them slowly and when my brain allows), meditation, stretches, entertaining myself with things I like and don't require much energy(Netflix, phone games, baking...). I have to say that about a month ago I quitted my contraceptive pill. After a lot of researching, I thought that It was worth to try. I am feeling better. I am not saying that all my symptons are gone, but right now on a bad day I am able to shower and prepare and eat at least one meal. Thats an improvement from the days I would fight with myself to wake Up from bed to go the toilet. When I started this journey, going for a 5 minutes walk was a torture. Now I walk 22 minutes everyday. My goal is to go running again, but I know I am far from that! 1 March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
Mentor Leila Posted April 15, 2021 Mentor Share Posted April 15, 2021 My dear @almuPA, you don't know how I'm happy to read that, despite all the difficulty that this hellish process requires, you are seeing some little improvements! What a great attitude you are showing! Try to change your habits/your mind set and try to find new ways to take care of you it's a great job! You had to be proud of yourself! You are on the right way... When you feel yourself slowly returning closer to your old self and start laughing again from the depths of your soul, you are on the right track to recovery. Please, don't forget this! I'm with you, Leila 💖 July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg). June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth Current supplement: - saffron pill (20 mg) + vit. E, omega 3 (EPA + DHA) 2g, magnesium bisglycinate 300 mg, iron , vitamin D3 (2500ui) +K7 (50 ui), vitamin C (1g) + quercitin (25 mg), theanine (as necessary). Try meditating / mindfulness, walking every day, CBT/ACT, massage. "E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again") (Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139) Link to comment
almuPA Posted April 21, 2021 Author Share Posted April 21, 2021 Hello @Leila, Nice picture! Is your cat? So cute! thank you very much for reading and replying. Right now I am in a wave after a week of eating high histamine foods, so yeah, I've learnt my lesson. As you said, I know I am in the right way and I really cherish the good moments. How are you? March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
almuPA Posted June 16, 2021 Author Share Posted June 16, 2021 Hello, Here I am with an update. Even though I stopped the AD on April 2020, the WD did not start until June, so I thought It was a good idea to write how is going. I have no good news. April was not a bad month for me and I saw some improvements. However, some strestful events happened in my Life in May. And since then, life has been so hard. I knew that something like this could happen, but I was not ready for this. I am worst than when WD started. The last 2 days I have been with the most scaring akathisia, shaking all day from inside and outside. Crying and screaming. I want to die, I need this to end. My husband was scared and he called a GP (I don't need to say that It was useless). Now the people around me are telling me to go back on the pills because It is clear that "I cant do this alone". My husband says that I don't make enough effort and that I should live like normal, eating like normal and doing the things I used to do. To be honest, I am too exhausted to try to convince them, to make them understand. This akathisia is horrible. I don't know if is because I had my first dose of vaccine last Friday(11 of June) and is the way my body reacted to It. Maybe It can be that I ate a slice of normal non gluten-free bread on Saturday and my body reacted to that. Or maybe It is just part of WD. All I know is that I don't know what to do. I would kill myself if I have the courage, but I live with my nephews and I don't think It would be fare for them. Anyway,the only option that I have is to wait for this to pass and try to survive. If someone is reading me and have any suggestions, I will really appreciate It. March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
almuPA Posted June 16, 2021 Author Share Posted June 16, 2021 My last post. Guys, my whole family is inssisting in me going back to AD's. This month and a half has been very hard. My mother in law passed away and a friend of mine from my teenage years passed away(I havent seen her in a very long time, but It affected me a lot), both in May. I hit rock bottom. This last 3 days had been hell, as I said in the previous post. I developed very bad akathisia. I am exhausted and my brain seems to work slow, to the point that I think is damaged and that I have a desease. I cant stop crying. My family says I cant be like this and that I need the drugs. They don't believe in WD. They think I am just depressed. My husband is talking to me in a way I cant stand. I've written a letter and I am searching online ways to, well, to suicide. This is too hard for me. None understand me. My family think I need to be ok NOW. They are not giving me the time to get better. And to be honest, I prefer to end with everything than to go back on AD's. I just wanted to thank you all. Please, do not give Up like I did. March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 17, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 17, 2021 Dear dear @almuPA--I've just received your post and want you to know that I'm deeply sorry that you're feeling so low. Many of us on the site can relate to the intensity of these horrendous neuro-emotions. I have felt suicidal often during my months of w/d. What I have been learning is that these terrible thoughts do pass. It's so difficult when others around us don't/can't understand the disturbance happening in our brains. However, with every minute passing you are closer to ultimately healing. This is a time to distract yourself from the invitation to feel defeated. I want to send this to you now, and will get back to you shortly. Your fellow partner in w/d, Arbor For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal 1 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 17, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 17, 2021 Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Lines in the United Kingdom United Kingdom Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! United ... www.suicide.org › hotlines › international › united-kin... Samaritans UK & ROI National Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter: - E-mail: Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate) Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 ... Dear @almuPA--I'm sending you these numbers and urge you to call. Because talking and sharing with someone who is supportive of understanding your pain can be so helpful, let me also urge you to see a counselor that you can meet with regularly as you go through this w/d. Right now those closest to you may not have enough perspective to know how to help you. It's important when we're in so much pain, to get out and walk if you can, and empty your mind. Let the air blow through it. This phase will pass. I can testify first hand. Remembering your nephews as you mentioned above is a good thing. We still have the ability even in all this chaos to do even a very small good thing. For my mind, I find that a small gesture, or act of generosity (changing my cat's litter box--) can tip my suffering in a more positive direction. 4 hours ago, almuPA said: This month and a half has been very hard. My mother in law passed away and a friend of mine from my teenage years passed away(I havent seen her in a very long time, but It affected me a lot), both in May. These are big losses. So this is not a time to be making decisions of any kind. Just kindness to your distress. I like the advice to take this process one moment at a time. Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ... I will get back with some considerations around reinstatement. They may help you make your decisions. They may also be useful for your family to read. Thinking of you, Arbor 2 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 17, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 17, 2021 Dear @almuPA I know you're going through an especially rough time right now. I'd like to share some more techniques with you in dealing with the intensity we experience during w/d. The neuro-emotions are unbelievably difficult but they pass and eventually improve and finally heal. Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms As far as reinstatement is concerned, this is something to consider very, very carefully. This site can give you information and I suggest waiting before you decide as you have been off Citalopram long enough that there's the risk of reinstatement causing more upset. about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms I'll check here again in the morning (afternoon your time), Arbor 2 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 17, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 17, 2021 Hello, @almuPA, I hope you are feeling a little bit better today. Please let us know how you are. We are with you, Arbor 1 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted June 17, 2021 Moderator Share Posted June 17, 2021 Hi AlmuPA-- I'm so sorry to read that you are having such a hard time with your support and family. Going through ADWD is such a trying experience that unless you have gone through it you can never understand just what is happening to a person. Please try to realize that they are trying in their own way to help. Being an adult, you are the only one who makes the final decision about taking or not taking the drugs everyone else's ideas are just opinions. Arbor has sent you a lot of good information. As an online support group we are not trained or equipped to work directly with people in you situation and can only recommend that you get face to face help from someone in your town. All things ADWD are temporary and will pass with time, but this solution is permanent with no chance of recovery. Please believe that you have all the support we are able to give, and keep talking to us. 2 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus getofflex Posted June 17, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 17, 2021 @almuPA, why don't you try a reinstatement? Please don't take your own life. It will cause great emotional pain to the people all around who love you. I"m deeply sorry you are going through this horrible time. It looks like you got off the Citalopram too fast, and your nervous system is destabilized. On top of that, you lost 2 people in your life. That is enough to put anyone in a very bad place. However, as bad as things are now, this will not last forever! When you take your own life, that is forever! You will never see the people you love again, never see the sun again, never see anything again. I would suggest you reinstate to a small dose of the citalopram - try 1 mg to start out with. Here is a link that explains how to measure a small dose: Tips for Tapering Citalopram 1 Please do not private message me. Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you. ***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one. Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!! other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly Link to comment
almuPA Posted June 17, 2021 Author Share Posted June 17, 2021 Hi, I don't know how to thank you for your answers and kindness. It means a lot to me, more that what I can express with words. somehow, I managed to keep myself alive. When I was searching online, all the methods looked so hard. I don't feel better right now, but I am still here, which is something. I am exhausted. My brain is very slow and sensitive. It is like I had a stroke. Everything around me is so disturbing and send me into panic. There is nothing that calms me down. Talking is a challenge, waking Up from bed is a challenge. Trying to retain anything in my mind looks imposible. Am I permanently damaged? The thing that bothers me the most is not knowing exatcly what happenned. I was doing some progress and suddenly, this. WAs It the vaccine? Was It the PMS? It is something I have eaten? Or It is just the beast of WD coming back at its worste after the strestful events? There is no way to know and that bothers me. It is so hard for me to mantain the low histamine, gluten, sugar, dairy free diet. But I thought that if I did that with the walking and sleeping, things would get better. And It was not true. I am 14 months off AD. I did not expect to be totally ok by this time, but I did not expect to be worst than ever. I Have thought a lot of times about reisntatment, but I am too afraid of the posible bad effects. 1 March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 17, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 17, 2021 I am so happy to hear from you @almuPA. Our thoughts can become so extremely dark during w/d. However, many people prove that the effects of w/d are not permanent. We do heal. I recommend reading the Success Stories as they can give us a lot of heart when we feel we've had enough and can't go on. I've been very distressed in my recovery by how slow it's been--despite all my healthy efforts. Most of the time I can't discern what has triggered my various flare-ups. I will share that I was starting to regain better sleep and to feel a tad better when the second vaccine (Pfizer) sent me backwards severely (no sleep, rash, rage, hopelessness, akathisia again). This has finally begun to lift. I've had 3 nights of better sleep. We will put this horrendous time behind us. Still the process is much, much slower than I could ever have imagined. Please know you're not alone! If you can, avoid stress, be gentle with yourself and the acceptance of what we're having to endure. Hugs to you ((((((((almuPA)))))))), Arbor Success Stories 2 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus getofflex Posted June 17, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 17, 2021 1 hour ago, almuPA said: Am I permanently damaged? No you are not. It can certainly feel like it. It sounds like your nervous system is in significant withdrawal. 1 hour ago, almuPA said: The thing that bothers me the most is not knowing exatcly what happenned. I was doing some progress and suddenly, this. It could be the windows and waves pattern of recovery. Read this for more info: Windows and Waves 1 hour ago, almuPA said: WAs It the vaccine? Was It the PMS? It is something I have eaten? Or It is just the beast of WD coming back at its worste after the strestful events? It could be a combination of the above factors. Stress does it for me. However, as I've gotten farther along in recovery, stress doesn't impact me as much. Here is a thread of other's experience with the COVID19 vaccine: COVID19 vaccine and withdrawal Here is something on stress: Stress During Withdrawal 1 hour ago, almuPA said: I Have thought a lot of times about reisntatment, but I am too afraid of the posible bad effects. I understand your fear. This is why we start with a very low dose on the reinstatement. You are in my prayers. Please hang in there, it eventually gets better, but it takes a lot of time. 3 Please do not private message me. Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you. ***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one. Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!! other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus getofflex Posted June 17, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 17, 2021 (edited) @almuPAplease read some of these succees stories. It will give you hope, and encourage you. Kiaza 10 Years Citalopram PurpleStart22 Celexa (citalopram) Success Story Edited June 17, 2021 by getofflex 2 Please do not private message me. Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you. ***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one. Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!! other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly Link to comment
almuPA Posted June 18, 2021 Author Share Posted June 18, 2021 Hi, another day of surviving. I found out that writing here helps me to put my thoughts into perspective, even though is hard to think and write right now. I am exhausted. Today I was able to go for an almost 20 min walk under the british rain. Every step was so difficult, but I did it. I was able to make myself breakfast and lunch, even though I am not really hungry. I was also able to talk to my medical insurance to arrange a visit to the neurologist and the psycatrist. This is because a have a referral letter after my husband talked to the GP when he saw me in such a poor state. I've always hated to talk thru the phone. After the first call (I had to call twice because they had my email wrong) I was so tired that I fall sleep. I dont like to sleep siesta, it makes feel like I am not healthy or something. But I guess these days had been too hard and my body is saying is enough. I had a blood test in February and everything looked fine, so I hope these exhaustion is because of the akathisia, panic and poor sleep of these past days and not because an underline condition. I did not cry today, but my brain is very foggy and my eyes are not able to focus well. Actually, I dont know if what I am writing right now makes any sense. I dont know how to thank you for taking the time to write to me, it means the world to me. 21 hours ago, arbor said: I will share that I was starting to regain better sleep and to feel a tad better when the second vaccine (Pfizer) sent me backwards severely (no sleep, rash, rage, hopelessness, akathisia again). This has finally begun to lift. I've had 3 nights of better sleep. @arbor, I am so sorry to read this. TBH, I did not want to have the vaccine. But I am terrified of taking the virus for the possible side effects, and because I live with my nephews and I want to protect them. I knew I would have symptoms (actually, I was so nervous that when I went out of the clinic I was crying), but I did not expect this. @getofflex, thanks for the links! The recovery stories are so inspiring. Who knows, maybe one day I can write my own one. Again, thank you. 2 March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus arbor Posted June 18, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 18, 2021 45 minutes ago, almuPA said: I found out that writing here helps me to put my thoughts into perspective, even though is hard to think and write right now. Hello@almuPAThank you for sharing this. All our sharing helps each other. Who would've guessed we'd be going through such misery. I appreciate your efforts to get out there and walk, and to follow through with the various chores in front of you. Resting at any time, I think, is a good thing. With you in my heart, I will now embark on my own walk downtown to meet with 2 patient friends. 💗 Arbor 2 Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus getofflex Posted June 18, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 18, 2021 3 hours ago, almuPA said: Today I was able to go for an almost 20 min walk under the british rain. That's great! I believe that walking helps heal and regulate the nervous system. When I'm in a wave, I always feel better after a walk. I can't go today, is is over 100 degrees Farenheit right now. 3 hours ago, almuPA said: I had a blood test in February and everything looked fine, so I hope these exhaustion is because of the akathisia, panic and poor sleep of these past days and not because an underline condition. in all likelihood, that is the case. 3 hours ago, almuPA said: Actually, I dont know if what I am writing right now makes any sense. It all makes perfect sense to me. You sound a lot better today. I'm very glad to be of help. Please do not private message me. Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you. ***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one. Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!! other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly Link to comment
almuPA Posted June 19, 2021 Author Share Posted June 19, 2021 Hello, Another day surviving. Today I am still exhausted. I cant sleep many hours. I wake-up with a feeling in my chest, like an inner tremor/Buzz that goes to my whole body. Is that akathisia? Also, I wake-up with very high heart rate and like is skeeping some of them(I think is called ectopic heartbeats, but I am not sure). The heart palpitations I started to have them very early in WD, but the feeling in my chest and the ectopic heartbeats started after the 2 bad news in May. Is It anxiety related? Who knows. Having health anxiety, It makes me think that something is wrong with my heart and that I will die soon. It is very disturbing because they wake me Up lots of times at night. If somebody is reading and knows something about this topic, I would appreciate some information. I've read about palpitations as a normal WD sympton, but I don't know about the others. Also, there are some things that make me anxious. Next week is my husband's birthday. That means that for a day I cant hide in my room and rest. I have to prepare lunch, a cake, and being with my whole family for hours. I know that that should give me joy, but It looks like climbing a mountain to me at the moment. Also, I had the next weekend planned, with two nights out in a hotel, a visit to a castle... But I am not sure that I can endure that. Luckilly, I told my husband about It and he took some of the pressure off me, which I appreciate. In July, I have tickets to go home(Spain) to see my parents. I havent seen them in a year, and with what happenned with my mother in law, It makes me want to spend more time with them. But they don't believe in WD and I don't know how I Will do with the heat, and the change of environment, rutin, food, visiting family, doing this, doing that... It makes me panic just to think about It. I Guess I just have to take one day at a time and not worry about the future, and accept my current situation. Today I've just cried one time, over my heart symptons. I could take my breakfast and lunch out of my room, I went for a walk and I even went to one shop. I took a bath and here I am. I have headache, my joints hurt, the pressure in my chest is still there and my brain is very slow. But here I am, one more day. 1 March 2019: 10mg Citalopram April 2019: 20mg Citalopram October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram. I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). Link to comment
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