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almuPA: introduction


almuPA

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Hello @Marta, bello sentirlo da te(not sure if I said that right), but It makes me Happy to hear from you

. Hello, @Faure, thank you for writting. How are you?

 

I am not doing bad. I am coming out a wave, and still I don't feel like myself, but I can cook, clean, go for walks... I know It sounds pretty normal, but since I am in WD these are great achievements for me!

 

I had my second dose of Pfizer the 2 of September. The Next day I was in bed feeling weak, but It was my nephew's birthday, so I went downstairs to celebrate(I live with my sister, brother in law, 2 nephews and my husband). 

 

Two days after my vaccine we went bowling, because that was what my nephew wanted to do for his birthday. I have to say that with all the lights, loud músic and people withouth masks, It was challenging for me. But I just breathed deeply and thought that It was only for a couple of hours. We had a good time, but I was exhausted afterwards.

 

I've had a bad wave during my period, but I always have. I was very very depressed and anxious and crying. I also felt very very tired, dizzy and had very bad insomnia for like a week.

 

I still feel tired and my brain is slow. While I am writting this I don't know if anything makes any sence and is taking me a while! I also have headaches, but I think they might be relate to tension in the shoulders area. I also feel my eyes tired and ichty. As I mentioned before, I went to have my view(is this the right Word?) test and they found nothing, so maybe is because I stare at my phone too much, or the inflammation, or I don't know. During my wave I could not help but worrying about It, but right now I am more in a "you've got It test and they found nothing so try to live with It" phase.

 

I have other symptons, like pains and needles in the arms and feet, moments of apathy, tiredness, I forget words and lose concentration easily, moments when I don't want to talk to anybody... But I am optimistic, because in this wave I did not have a panic attack, suicidal thoughts/desire and the tiredness was not as bad as previous waves, so I want to think that I am healing. This proccess is very slow and I've always been a very impatient person, but maybe is an opportunity for me to learn. 

 

I've been thinking about writting about my experience with my father during my trip to Spain. He takes 3 orfidal(lorazepam) a day and is reaching tolerance and is having WD symptons as well. But I am not sure if I am ready, or if It would be helpful and interesting. 

 

This was long, sorry! 

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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  • Mentor

That is all such good news- I’m so glad to hear you are improving. Well done! Especially with the socialising - that really isn’t easy in WD and even less so in these Covid times. I too have big dips around my period which is rubbish, I have to remind myself they won’t last long. My taper has been on hold for a couple of weeks while I adjust to going back to some face to face work but I’m hoping to start again next week.  Take care, and hopefully you are enjoy this lovely english sun!

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

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Helllo @Faure,

 

Thanks for your kind reply. 

 

I wish you luck with your taper, hope you can continue, but if you dont feel well dont rush it. I am here cheering for you:)

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello,

 

I felt inspired by Rosetta's post about her mother and AD to write about my experience with my father and escitalopram and orfidal(lorazepam).

 

So, in 2019 my father started to feel very depressed and anxious. He's been before, so he went to his P doc. He gave my father a prescription for Zolot. Also, he told him to take a tablet of orfidal whenever he felt nervous😒 At the time, I was in 10mg of citalopram and feeling the effects of going from 20 to 10mg CT, I just did not know yet what WD was.

 

In January 2020, my father had surgery. He was very very lucky because they found a tiny tiny cáncer in his colon. He didnt even need quemo. The thing is, he was taking at the time Zolot and 3 tablets of orfidal a day(I don't know mg). Everything was fine, but 3 days after surgery he started to complain. The pain was too much, he was too nervous, he could not sleep, he would start crying out of the blue... And he kept on asking for drugs. In the hospital they told him they would only give him norotil for the pain, nothing else. He asked me to take his medicine bag to the hospital(I stayed with them for 10 days), but my mum said no.

Everybody was telling him that 3 orfidal a day was too much. When he was feeling depressed or anxious, I tried to talk to him and being rational. As I said, I didnt understand that he was going thru WD. 

 

Anyway, he went home and started taking his pills again. I don't know about quantity, but the thing is that he was still complaining about not feeling good. So his PDoc changed the Zolot for escitalopram, CT. It seemed that it helped a little. I could only see him one time that year(Covid) and he did not look ok, but I was in my own journey of WD, so honestly I was too  worried about myself to think about him, as bad as it sounds. 

 

Fast forward to March '21, he updosed escitalopram from 5 to 10mg, by his PDoc advice. 3 days later, he had a ventricular arrhythmia and had to start having  heart medication. I send my mum a link for an article about a Harvard University study that linked heart arrhythmia with some AD's, like escitalopram. My mum said she asked the doctors about It and they said that they doubt AD's could influence his heart(surprise, surprise😓).

 

This summer I spent a whole month in Spain with my parents. I am in my own WD journey and this year it's been the worst and longest of my life. So to see my father living with tolerance to benzos and WD is devastating. He talked to me about his symptons: panic attacks, morning cortisol spikes, temperature desregulation, anhedonia, itchy testicles, drowsines,poor coordination... I suffered all of them. I tried to Talk to him about WD and tolerance. He told me that the only reason he wakes-up in the mornings was because of the pills. That he would LOVE to live without them but he does not think he can. The thing is, I know he wants to try. When he is having a good day, he takes one less tablet of orfidal. But then he got very nervous and shaky. He freaks out and take the pills again. I tried to explain to him that that is not the way to come out of them. I don't tell him the real risks because  I honestly don't think he is ready to know them, he would just get very scared. 

 

I tried to Talk to my mum(she has an unhealthy influence in him, but that is another topic). She does not tell me she doesnt believe in WD because she knows my opinion and she doesnt want to argue with me. But she thinks It is much simple than It is. She told me he could just "toughen Up"but he doenst want to. I send her a link about benzos in Wikipedia, that surprisingly it explained everything very well, It even mentioned the 10% tapper method(It is in Spanish, thats why I don't share it). But she just took a brief look at it and said: "I already know"🙄.

 

I talked to my sister and she more or less believes me, but we cannot convince our dad to stop taking escitalopram or orfidal one by one and little by little.

 

For a while, I was desperate and frustated. But then I realized that that was not my fight. As much as it hurt me. As much as I love him. As much as I try and send links and studies and try to explain my own experience. 

 

It is very hard to let go. But It is something I am getting better at in WD. Let go of what you cant control. I tried, now is his choice. 

 

I know this is very long and maybe not interesting. But reading Rosetta's post I've realized I am not alone. And maybe someday this words can help somebody to feel less lonely or frustated. 

 

This is the link to the article about the Harvard University study:

 

https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/antidepressants-and-arrhythmias.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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  • Mentor

Hello, I was just thinking of you today and wondering how you are. It is interesting to read your father’s story. As you say everyone is on their own journey and each person has to make his or her own choices. No matter what the issue no one can make anyone else do anything until they want to. Maybe when he is ready he will come to you for advice or help.
 

How is your withdrawal going? Mine is back on track after a longer hold than I wanted, although now I caught a really nasty cold and am very fed up with having to rest at home and not go to work. Fortunately it has not derailed the taper so far. 

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

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Hello @Faure,

 

thanks for reading my long post. 

I Hope your cold is going better.

 

I don't have very good news, unfortunally. I am not feeling good. I havent for 10 days or more. I think that in September I over did It, and my body didnt like that, so now I am paying for It.

 

After I came back to the UK(where I live) from Spain(where I am from), I was not feeling bad. So I tried to catch Up with everything: cleaning the house, writting, some web projects I had on hold because of WD, learning a new language... The breaking point came when I went to a plástic free shop that is quite far from my house. Yes, I took the bus but I still had to walk a lot, with bags full of products with bottles I reused. It was raining and cold and then in the bus It was very Hot. After that day, my whole body was aching, I felt super tired and with no strength, my throat was itchy and my eyes very watery. The thing is, I did not stop. I did not want to accept that a wave was coming. 

 

On top of that, my mother was coming to visit the following week, after 2 years. So I wanted to have the house ready for her. I cleaned the sofa-bed and the whole living-room(where she sleeps) just to find the Next day everything full of crumbs of my nephews. I know they are kids, but the rave I felt after I saw that... I was not feeling good, but I am the only of 4 adults Who cares to clean the house. A house with 2 complete bathrooms, and 2 living-rooms. And I am the only one cleaning, because I am the only one not working. And I am so tired. So after that I just couldnt take it anymore and spent the rest of the time, until my mother came, in bed.

 

But the worst thing is that I feel my marriage is falling apart. My husband is so tired of me and this situation. I understand him. He Lost his mother 5 months ago, he changed jobs and he has to deal with my WD. But I just cant change the situation. I feel bad for him, but that only puts more pressure on myself. I feel that if I don't cook for him or if he has to worry about the laundry or about my panic attacks, I am a bad wife. 

 

So I decided to come to Spain with my mum. I came yesterday and the trip was awful. I am so tired, but I hope I can give my husband space and peace of mind for some days. But if I have to be honest, I don't know if I can deal with the situation anymore. I don't like how my husband treats me. Again, I understand him, I know is not easy for him. But neither is for me. Is like I have to rush my WD for him. And for the family I live with. So they don't have to worry, so I can be the same again, so I can help them. But I cant help to ask myself who the hell is there to help me when I need It.  I guess I am being selfish.

 

Amother thing that disturbs me is that in September I was not feeling bad, but I did not have a great day either, a day where I could feel like the old me, laughing and with no symptons. I know the road to recovery is not linear, but after having a couple of days like that during the summer, It is sad not having them again.

 

Anyway, sorry again for the lenght of this post.

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear @almuPA

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time.  Emotional issues are so very upsetting during w/d.  I can imagine the stress you must be feeling.🙁  It's hard for others who never took these drugs, or aren't getting off them, to understand what it's like for us.  Even though you may not be working outside of the house, taking care of yourself during w/d can be quite a job, plus doing housework counts as work.  Also, support and kindness can help us to recover.  I worry for you if he's not being kind.  No matter what, I don't think it's selfish to recognize that you must take care of yourself.  We really don't have a choice because w/d is often incapacitating, and in order to get well, we must limit as much stress as possible.  Please know you have my support in doing what you need to do to get well. 🙏 The fact that you had some good days in the summer is a sign to me that you will get well.  We know it might be slow with waves and windows, but with good care, you're going to make it.  Please keep us posted.  You're an important member of our community.  Again, I'm sorry that you're having to go through both w/d and troubles with your husband.

My heart is with you--💗

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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  • Mentor

Hi, I’m so sorry things are not good again and that you feel your marriage is in danger. It’s difficult for everyone around us when things are bad, but for us it is far worse.  They are not having to endure WD symptoms and they can and do get on with their lives.  I’m really sorry you are not getting the support you need. Looking after your own needs isn’t being selfish. It’s taking care of yourself.

 

I wonder if one reason some of us are here is that we never learned to take care of our needs, I know that is the case for me. I always used to put the needs of others ahead of my own without even knowing I did it. And then never knowing why I was anxious to the point of breaking down and not being able to function. It took a therapist quite some time (at the age of 40) to teach me about needs and how to ensure I met them. Taking care of our needs is essential for our wellbeing, it isn’t selfish.  I read a good book about self care, The Self Care Project which helped me. 
 

When  I was struggling my GP went on and on about ‘pacing’ as did my best friend, whose favourite word for me is ‘steady’!  I had to learn not to do all the things that I wanted to do the minute I felt better, because it always resulted in feeling worse. It’s very hard when your mum was coming to visit, of course you wanted the house to be nice for her.  
 

Is it easier this time, being at your parents’? Are they more supportive of you not wanting to take drugs this time? 
 

You’re in a wave at the moment. A window will come. Hang in there xx

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

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Dear @arbor,

Your kind words mean the world to me. I know you are not having the greatest time, so the fact that you took the time to read and reply to me It is something I am very grateful for. 

 

On 10/12/2021 at 5:51 AM, arbor said:

It's hard for others who never took these drugs, or aren't getting off them, to understand what it's like for us

I know! And I understand. If I wasnt going thru this experience myself, I don't know if I would believe It. My husband is the only person Who believes in WD, but I am tired of explaining to him what is like. I know he has his own problems, and I would love to help him more. But the truth is I don't know what to do for him. I told him to go to therapy, and he said yes, but never did It. 

 

Dear @Faure,

Thanks very very much for taking the time to read and reply. You are full of wisdom.

 

On 10/12/2021 at 10:31 AM, Faure said:

wonder if one reason some of us are here is that we never learned to take care of our needs

 

So true. I've been thinking a lot about It, too. Because I have the fear that after all this WD nightmare is over, I will be just like before taking AD's: depressed, having panic attacks daily and withouth knowing what to do with my life. I need to learn how to live my own life, and is difficult to do when I was taught to be quiet and obidient.

 

On 10/12/2021 at 10:31 AM, Faure said:

I had to learn not to do all the things that I wanted to do the minute I felt better

 

Me too! After what happenned to me in September, I've realized I cant speed-up recovery.

 

On 10/12/2021 at 10:31 AM, Faure said:

Is it easier this time, being at your parents’

 

They don't believe in WD, but they allow me to do what I want to do. If I spend the day in bed, they don't tell me anything. And the truth is that is very comfortable for me, as I don't need to clean, to cook, to do the laundry... Life is easier in my hometown. The weather is still nice and if I need something everything is between a 10 minutes walk. 

 

I've been having headaches, body aches, itchy eyes, morning cortisol spikes, anxiety, and stomach issues... But still, I don't feel like I need to toughen up to not dissapoint those around me. And that is a heavy weight out of my shoulders. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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  • Mentor
50 minutes ago, almuPA said:

I need to learn how to live my own life, and is difficult to do when I was taught to be quiet and obidient.

Absolutely, I was a quiet good girl, now I always say how I feel and am no longer a quiet good girl! Fortunately my best friend (male, 20 years older) quite enjoys this and encourages it! I enjoy not being a ‘good girl’ anymore - for my friend I think it’s normal for people to express themselves!  My parents, especially my father, found it much harder.  Mum is now pretty good about it but I don’t really see my father as he hasn’t been able to adjust and at the moment I chose not to put up with that. Maybe one day. It’s great that your parents are letting you be -this is vital - I’m so glad to read you are able to do exactly what you need and don’t have people making you feel guilty. Remember when you start to feel better to be careful - for ever. I have realised taking care of myself is a life long commitment to myself.

 

One of the best things I did was start meditating. I really recommend the Jon Kabat Zin 40 minute body scan. I started at lockdown 1 in the uk and it was so beneficial I do it most days. You have to do it for a while (I noticed major benefits after a year but before that it had the immediate effect of calming me. This is different when your CNS is unsettled so it might not help much with this at the moment.) to notice any benefit but it comes - ability to slow down, be more aware, notice thoughts and stop negative ones running away with you. Best of all it’s free! Looking back it’s the best thing I did in preparation for my taper, without realising it at the time!

 

Hope you start settling down soon now you’re in a more comfortable environment, take care ☺️
 

ps my cold is mostly better and I’m back at work after last week off ☺️
 

 

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I so appreciate your posts, @almuPAand @Faure.  You're giving me strength as I start this morning.❤️

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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@almuPA Sorry to hear all the stuff you are going through. While our withdrawals can be difficult on those around us, that doesn't make you selfish for expecting more support from your spouse. You are deserving of support and understanding.

Lexapro/Escitalopram history: 2012 to 2020 20 mg

July 2020 10 mg November 2020 5 mg 2/15/21 1/2 a 5mg pill ~2.5 mg 2/25/21 3/4 a 5mg pill ~3.75 mg 3/25/21 1/2 a 5mg pill ~2.5 mg

4/20/21 switched to liquid 2.8 mg, made a couple more increases over a week and a half to 3.5mg

5/14/21 increased further up to 3.8 mg, held there until Oct 2021

Decreasing steadily since 10/1/21

Latest change 3/15/24 .14mg

Current supplements:  Once per morning: men's multivitamin, vitamin c, selenium, zinc, magnesium chelate (100mg per pill), fish oil (1000 mg per pill)

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Hello,

 

So, more "great" news in a year that keeps getting better. I found out one of my uncles has a tumor in the brain. My mother didnt tell me anything before because she does not want to worry my father, so she hid It.

 

After that new, yesterday I started to be in a very bad state. I was having coffee(well,.me some.peppermint tea, the only thing I can have now) with my mum and It felt like something was wrong with my body. I honestly don't know how I managed to get home and have dinner. I havent slept a lot and today I am in a pretty shape.

 

Also, IDK if is relevant, but yesterday morning I went to the hair salon for the first time in more than 2 years. I think the hairspray and products they used made me react as well. Has somebody had a similar experience?

 

Another thing that is bothering me is a pain I have in my right groin(i think thats the word) and goes to my thigh. I thought It would be something muscular for walking more than I am used to, but I had it before I came to Spain and still is not gone. I am worried It is something else, but going to the doctor in UK is not an option(i don't have private insurance anymore and my regular GP wont care). 

 

I am not sure if the reason why I am feeling so bad is because the stress of the bad news, the chemicals in my hair, just another wave or what. On Friday I have to flight back to the UK. My nephews Will be on holidays and It always worries me that they see me in bad shape. 

 

Anyway, I just needed to let everything out somehow.

 

 

 

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Take care of yourself during these stressful times, @almuPA.  I'm so sorry about your uncle.

Arbor🙏

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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Thank you so so much, dear @arbor. It means the world to me to know that there is somedoby so kind in this crazy planet. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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Hi @almuPA I am so sorry for your uncle too! :(

This affects our "healing" too. 

I am moving and the stress sent me all the WD back. Again we have to bear it.

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (for somatic abdominal pain + reflux) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression

on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg, fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg doctor advised

05/05/2015 huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat, mild akathisia legs-feet

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here)

middle 07/2015 general improving

10/2015 start disastrous too long taper 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg .... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 0.6 mg 

1/APRIL/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 - 10/2020 MILD WAVE(mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

6/2021 - 9/2021 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, anhedonia)  0.125g triazolam  2 times

18/03/2022 WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, PAIN in muscles and nerves, arms and right leg,cannot exercise,hard to walk) 0.125g triazolam 3 times

7/5 rein 0.1mg

Link to comment
  • Mentor

Hi @almuPA, sorry to hear about your uncle. Any upset can increase WD effects / have a bigger effect than it would have if we were well when we’re already unstable. How are you feeling now you’re back in the UK?

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

Link to comment

Hi Almu, I’m thinking of you.  I had a lot of muscle pains and strains that I think were caused by WD.  They come and go.  I still get some that are milder.  Yours will probably disappear as mysteriously as it appeared.  
I’m sorry about your uncle. How worrisome.  
Hang in there.  -R

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment

Hello @Faure and @Rosetta

It is very kind of you to check on me.

TBH, I feel terrible. So much so that yesterday I was contemplaiting suicide again. I cant feel this bad anymore, It is too much.

 

My trip to UK was hard because It was late at night, I was a long time standing at the airport waiting to go on the plane. My backpack was super heavy and I felt bad to leave my country and my parents again.

 

Since then, I've been in bed. My whole body is aching, I cant sleep well, I have headaches, anxiety and I just want to cry. It is like there is no happines or good things in the world. But in here I feel the pressure of cleaning and cooking and do things I don't feel strong enough to do. I am just tired. 

 

It's been 18 months since my CT and 15/16 months in WD. I havent had a really good day since summer. At this moment, It is like my Life will be like this forever, and that thought terrifies me. I know a lot of people had It worste than me and It took longer for them to recover, but I cant see the light. I remember moments before I took the AD's and I was already feeling bad(thats why I started to take them), so I cant help but thinking that this is me, this is my Life. I just want to have a normal life, where I can work and feel good.

 

The other day I was reading in this website a thread about histamine intolerance, and Alto had the theory that for some of us, It was something that we would have developed anyway. That, again, terrifies me, because that would mean that I will have to be careful with my diet and what I do my whole life. A lot of people with histamine intoletance and MCAS cant work or travel. I know I am being catastrophic, I just want to be honest and write how I feel and think, maybe as a reminder to myself un the future. 

 

I don't know what It is about UK, but I don't think I can heal here. Maybe is the humidity,maybe the mold in parts of my house (that I tried to clean like a hundred times and It always comes back), maybe is that living in a big house that I have to clean by myself is too much, that living with my sister and her family is too stressful or maybe I am just inmature and I don't want to accept that I have to live here. The thing is that when I've been in Spain I had very bad days, but I was able to go out, to talk to people, to shower everyday... That doesnt happen here. 

I know this is too long and I am not sure if It makes sence, so my apologies for that.

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to comment

I’m very sorry that you are suffering so much.  Is it possible for you to live in Spain?  
 

Many of the thoughts you are having are what we call WD’s lies.  The thought that you were equally ill prior to quitting  ADs sounds like a WD lie.   That is very unlikely.  You may have had some very low times, but the months-long periods of unrelenting illness and dark thoughts — I doubt that.  I don’t think you are likely to feel this degree of depression for the rest of your life, not at all.  I remember having those thoughts, too, and they were not true.  


Remember — you are not your thoughts.  If they are unwelcome guests, refuse to engage with them.  Distract yourself.

 

Rosetta
 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment
  • Mentor
23 hours ago, almuPA said:

maybe is that living in a big house that I have to clean by myself is too much, that living with my sister and her family is too stressful or maybe I am just inmature and I don't want to accept that I have to live here. The thing is that when I've been in Spain I had very bad days, but I was able to go out, to talk to people, to shower everyday... That doesnt happen here. 

So sorry that you’re feeling much worse again now you are back in the UK. It does sound like you find it easier to cope in Spain, especially as you don’t have to do household tasks there. As Rosetta says, can you live there till you are much better? 

As for living with your sister’s family I don’t think it is immature of you to find this difficult. It sounds like a realistic assessment. When you live with other people it is very difficult and even more so if they aren’t able to / don’t consider your needs, which it sounds like they don’t. In my opinion the mature thing is to consider what you need and take steps to meet those needs. Often expressing your needs and doing what is necessary to meet them feels very difficult to do, (especially if you have learned as a child to consider everyone else’s needs instead of your own) but you will feel so much better for it. Being aware of and meeting your needs is also key to staying well once you’re better.  
 

If I may, try not to read lots on this website, it is very helpful for individuals to get support from others but when you’re feeling so vulnerable and low reading other threads can make one feel worse. Do you have Netflix? I watch Moving Art when I am feeling very bad, it is so soothing - videos of nature and relaxing music. I hope you start feeling better soon.

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

Link to comment

@Rosetta @Faure, thank God for people like you, who have wise words for the members of this community and remind us things we forget easily because this horrible WD.

 

About the question of living in Spain: yes, May of next year our tenancy agreement finish, and I told my husband that I will to Spain then, with or without him. He changed jobs because in this new one they promised him he can work from wherever he wants. The problem that I see is that I dont know how they will do that, in terms of payment, taxes, etc; and my husband wants his whole salary and everything done by his company. He wants to have all the facilities, and I am not sure if his company will be able to provide that. Thats why I told him, with or without you, I dont care anymore. 

 

Our situation(my husband and myself) is still fragil, I am realizing things that prior to WD I would have accepted, but I dont anymore(maybe is not WD, maybe is just growing up). My plan is that if I still feel the same way in January, I will go with my parents with no return ticket. But I want to live in the day, not thinking about 2/3 months from now.

 

I still feel very very tired, like I will fall sleep at any moment. But I am able to go for 15/20 minute walks and do some cleaning and cooking. The rest of the time I am more or less in bed, watching netflix or youtube. My husband hates it, he says that I dont want to do nothing with him. I dont want to do nothing in general, but whatever. I also have sore muscles, slow brain (it is taking me ages to write this and I forget words so easily), moments of anxiety and panic, migranes... But more or less it is bearable. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to comment

(((almuPA))) A big hug!  -Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment
  • Mentor

Hello, this all sounds very positive. Well done for putting your needs first, this is certainly a time when you need to do so. Also glad that you’re focusing on one day at a time.  Sounds great that you can manage some walks now - well done!  We are having some lovely sunny autumn weather where I live, hope you are too. 
 

The other day I had fleeting pains down just the left side of my body for most of the day.  Really interesting. I can see how if you’ve just CT’D you’d get lots of pains in your body. 
 

Hope you keep feeling better, take care not to overdo it if you start feeling lots better. I foolishly did a 5k walk before work yesterday and really overdid it. Fortunately not so badly I can’t actually do my work. Must remember to take my own advice! xx

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

Link to comment

Dear @Faure,

5 KM???OMG, and how you feel after that? You are on another level! 

 

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to comment
  • Mentor
15 hours ago, almuPA said:

Dear @Faure,

5 KM???OMG, and how you feel after that? You are on another level! 

 

LOL I am not in withdrawal like you! I am slowly and steadily reducing my dose. The difference has been amazing. I’ve reduced 20% since June and can do so much more than I could. It was seriously sedating me. And the GP suggested I doubled the dose to deal with that. I’m so glad I refused and said I wanted to come off. 

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hello,

 

I am just writing as a reminder to myself : I had 3 good days, where I was myself. Yes, still had some symptoms, but nothing major. 

 

Now, I am going in to a wave again (maybe PMS?) and today I feel very anxious and I have intrusive thoughts (health anxiety, what else could it be for me?🙄), but I am still stable.

 

I had 3 good days!! The most incredible is that I had them after suffering from a cold. Everybody in the house had it (we got tested for Corona, but it was just a cold). I was so afraid, because last year I was not doing so bad (for that moment, luckily I think I improved from then) when I got a cold from going to the shopping by myself in a freezing winter day. After that, I was in a 4 month wave. This time it didnt happen and it looks like my body, even when still fragile, is able to heal better. 

 

So yes, maybe in the next 2 days or weeks I will be in the thick of it again, thinking about how useless my life is. But for the moment I have to say that those three days were worth it😄

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to comment
  • Mentor

yayy! Great news.  Isn’t it fab when we feel ourselves again! I feel like I am slowly coming back to life after 2 years on the drugs.  1/3 down, 2/3 to go for me☺️
 

I too can go very down around my period. Hasn’t happened so far this month 🤞

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor

Hey, how are you doing these days?

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

Link to comment

Hi @Faure

thanks for checking in.

These days I had a lot of ups and downs. 

 

As I said, I had a couple of good days. Then, my mother came to visit for my nephew's birthday. And again I was the one in charge of all the shopping, the cleaning and cooking. It was just for 3 days, but that + PMS was a bad combination. Also, while my mother was here, I had a couple of stressful moments, that shew me that my family might be a little toxic for me.

 

I had to spent 2 days in bed after my mum left. Then, I got a bit better but still felt meh. But yesterday I had the worst idea ever. My husband was craving pizza and he insisted that I would order something, too. I saw a pizza with pesto base and GF crust that didnt seem too dangerous( I am on a GF, nonsugar, no lactose, low hiatamine diet). Well, even if I only ate 2 slices, today I am feeling horrible. I am super tired, with headache and muscle ache. The worst thing is that everybody is putting the Christmas decoration on and I am in my bed. I feel like I should be part of the fun, and I am bitter and feeling like a little child because nobody in this house cares about how I feel. Yes, it is an inmature and unhelpful thought, but it is the way it is. I guess is part of the wave.

 

Lets see how it goes in the next days.

 

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to comment
  • Mentor

Thanks for the update, it's good to know how you're doing. Sounds like the same old with your family, but it also sounds like it takes you less time to recover which is positive. Are you still planning to go to Spain soon?

 

I've got the most energy I've had in about 2 years! Having to make myself watch TV to stop myself doing all the work I want to get done!! I did plenty of work this morning and am telling myself I can do it tomorrow if I still feel good!

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

Link to comment
19 hours ago, Faure said:

I've got the most energy I've had in about 2 years!

That is so good to read! I am so happy for you! It is a good thing that you are trying to "stop" yourself from doing too much. I hope this last for a long time!

 

19 hours ago, Faure said:

it also sounds like it takes you less time to recover which is positive.

Yes, I am not feeling at my best this days( I guess this time of the year is tough for a lot of people?), but I can definitely see the difference comparing last year, which is positive. I still have pains in my leg, lower back and lower belly that is worrying me, but nothing I can do since I know my GP will do nothing about It. 

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to comment
  • Mentor
22 hours ago, almuPA said:

still have pains in my leg, lower back and lower belly that is worrying me, but nothing I can do since I know my GP will do nothing about It. 

 

I get fleeting pains all over my body, mostly in my limbs but occasionally in my torso. If I get them on this very slow taper I'm not surprised you are getting them to a much greater degree given the CT. They are less than they were now I'm on 1/3 less dose.

 

Thanks for your kind words, I hope so too!

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

Hello,

Another update.

December has been an interesting month. It is no surprise that It was up and down, it is challenging for everyone.

 

In the beggining I had good and bad days, the good not very good, but the bad ones not very bad. I had insomnia for a couple of days, but I think It was relate to the expectation for the holidays.

My parents came to visit for 5 days. My father hasnt come since 2019, so It was a big step for him and I appreciate a lot the fact that he took a flight and all of that. 

 

I was more or less stable those days they were here and I could enjoy. To be honest, I spent a lot of time in my room by myself, because I get too anxious and tired around that many people, and that happens to me before AD or WD( It was my sister, my brother in law, my two nephews, my parents, my husband and I. Just writting It, it makes me nervous!). 

 

I took DAO a couple of times. I've tried it in the summer with mixed results: It makes me feel so good, but It gives me insomnia. So, I use It only in very small amounts when I am eating something that is high histamine, like the occasional sushi and things like that. And thats what I did, because we were eating crab and prawns(even though I bought everything frozen and of the best quality posible). 

 

The problems came when my parents left. I was so nervous and so tired. I was anxious because my period was about to come, but It came a couple of days late. And when It came, I didnt feel the relief I normally feel. I've been in a state of panic and depression since then. Like I cannot feel any happines or anything good. Like my life has no meaning. I had a huge panic attack the 1 of January, and since then I've been crying every single day(I still havent cried today, fingers crossed).

 

I also had a disagreement with my sister. It is hard for me, because It was always us "against" the world, but I did not step back, and I did what I thought It was better. I am trying to live according to what I think is best for me, even though It is selfish, given that I live with other people. 

 

I am also anxious because the pain in my leg is not going. Thinking that It could be related to my back pain, I started to do exercises to stretch my back and my legs, but after 20 days, there are some days that the pain wakes me up me at night. At least I've convinced myself that I have to do something about it. My husband has a new medical insurance in his new job. I called this morning and to be honest, I didnt have a good impression. I have an appoinment later with a GP, but if I dont like what he/she tells me,  I decided to go back to the insurance I had before. Yes, is more money, but I was very happy with it and, as I said before, going to my NHS GP is not an option for me. (Please, if there is someone here working for the NHS, I am not against you, I think you do a GREAT job. I had very good experiences with NHS staff, but my GP just doesnt care and he is the one who has better reviews in my área, so I dont want to imagine how the others are).

 

I also need to book appoinment for the third jab, but I am waiting to see if this wave will get better. 

 

I would like to finish with a positive note, and I have to say that I am better than last year. I remember the 2020 Christmas, not sleeping and in a constant panic state. It took me months to get better, I was really desperate. I thought that by now, 20 months after quitting AD's, I would be good and with my life back on track. It is not the case, but I understand that 20 months after CT It is not that much. Hopefully, this year will bring more healing. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Good to hear your update @almuPA

I'm so glad things have improved, and I can relate to how challenging w/d continues to be for so many of us in the time frame of 20 months.  Now with the holiday pressures behind us, I hope we can find more peace as we face the continuation of healing in the months ahead.  You sure have weathered a lot and come a long way.  I trust your sister will understand, and even recognize how hard it is, especially during recovery, to insist on what we need for our health.  You are very strong--

Lots of hugs 💗

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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  • Mentor

Hello, thank you for your update. I often wonder how you are.

 

I think it's extremely hard for family members when we change. The reason I'm in the place I'm in is because I always had to do things that everyone else wanted, and I did, because I was a good girl. I think you experienced this too.  You are learning to stand up for yourself and your needs which is very hard for your sister. Hopefully she will be wise enough to recognize this despite the inconvenience it causes her. I hope she sees it before too much longer.

 

Sounds like you did really well over Christmas and understandably are quite worn out from it. You seem to need less recovery time, so that is also progress. Not to mention how far you have already come.

 

Take care 🙂

am not a medical professional. I provide information and make suggestions based on my own experience and SA guidelines. I am unable to respond to private messages. 

Mirtazepine 15mg Nov 2018 -April 2019  April - Sept 2019 Mirtazepine down to around 6mg - skipping days to taper

October 2019 - Dec 2019 unwell from failed taper including jumping about in doses 

15 December 2019 to 13 June 2021 15mg Mirtazepine 

14 June 2021 started brass monkey Slide.  
2021: 23 August 12.3mg, 28 October 11.1mg, 6 Dec 10mg

2022: 12 Feb 8.5, 25 Oct 4.5mg

2023: 16 Jan 3.6mg, 28 Sept 1.8mg

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