almuPA: introduction

[almuPA]

@arbor, @Faure,

Thanks so so much for reading and replying. It means the world to me to know that there is someone who cares and read the nonsense I write! 

 

23 hours ago, Faure said:

The reason I'm in the place I'm in is because I always had to do things that everyone else wanted, and I did, because I was a good girl. I think you experienced this too. 

Totally. Thank you so much for understanding and for sharing your own experience, it makes me feel less lonely😄

 

The other day I was listening to a podcast about mental health (it was in Spanish, thats why I dont share it). The conductor has had a psychotic break years ago. When he was recovering, he tried and tried to find the very exact moment when everything started, so he could understand why it happened. But then he realized that he could not point at that very moment, and that anyway, it had no sense. So instead, he started to focus in recovery and in learning the tools that will prevent him to suffer from another psychotic break. That really stuck with me. In these months, I have really tried to point the very moment where I started to feel miserable, the reason why I started to take citalopram in the first place. It was an obsession, I didnt want to repeat the same things. But at the same time, I was comparing the me from WD with the depressive me of the past before AD's. And thats when all of this "I will never recover, I will always be this way because I had been depressed before" came.  Now I know that it was just an accumulation of things in many many years that lead me to a point where I could not manage my life anymore. And one the main reasons, as the wise Faure said, was been a good a girl trying to please everyone. 

 

Anyway, just a thought I wanted to share. 

 

[Faure]

3 hours ago, almuPA said:

Now I know that it was just an accumulation of things in many many years that lead me to a point where I could not manage my life anymore. And one the main reasons, as the wise Faure said, was been a good a girl trying to please everyone. 

That's great you've had this realisation. I had to spend a few years in therapy learning what "looking after myself" meant. Do you think you are managing to learn it independently? Fantastic if you are, and much cheaper!

 

It's also great because as you've said above and before you were a bit worried about staying well off the pills, but now you've had this realisation hopefully you don't need to worry about this quite so much.

[almuPA]

20 hours ago, Faure said:

That's great you've had this realisation. I had to spend a few years in therapy learning what "looking after myself" meant. Do you think you are managing to learn it independently? Fantastic if you are, and much cheaper!

Hahaha, last year I did A LOT of therapy myself. And anyway, I know I am a slow learner, I need time to realise the most simple things in life, like the fact that I can say no!

[Erell]

On 1/10/2022 at 12:32 PM, almuPA said:

@arbor, @Faure,

Thanks so so much for reading and replying. It means the world to me to know that there is someone who cares and read the nonsense I write! 

Your posts don't sound like nonsense to me, in fact I smiled when I read your thread because I felt like I could have written every word of yours 🙃

If there is an advantage to this whole situation it is that it forces me to discover who I really would like to be, and my limitations prevent me from playing my role of people-pleaser to perfection... I have no choice but to assume that I am fallible and human, like everyone else.

And honestly, as much as I struggle in WD and look forward to feeling improvements, it's a relief to learn to say "no" and have no choice but to be honest about my limitations.

 

I like to think that this painful ordeal is a catalyst for spiritual growth and transformation and that we are preparing ourselves for a great future 🧡

 

Ok, I don't have much to add, but I wanted to thank you for being part of this community and sharing your thoughts 🙏

 

 

[Fightinghard]

Hello Alum-   I noticed in your thread that you had a reaction to the vaccine;  I’m going through that now but is the Booster.  December 22 I had the shot and this gradually got worse until now. I did heave several good days  since then.  I do wonder if last weekend I picked up COVID19 from my son who was sick with a headache and runny nose but tested negative. His buddy was positive.  I’m reaching out To see how long you Took to rebound from the vaccine? Hope you are well!  

[almuPA]

Hello @Fightinghard,

 

I am really really sorry to reply to you so late. I disappeared a bit from the forum and I did not see your question. Sorry for that. 

 

It took me around 6/8 weeks to feel better from the first vaccine. I did not do nothing special to recover from that. I took an antihistamine pill a couple of times to be able to sleep and DAO supplement another couple of times. I don't think it is the best idea to try supplements during a wave because anything can make the symptoms worst, but I want to be honest and thats what I did. 

However, I think it was just the time that stabilized my system. 

 

How are you? How are you feeling? 

I send you a big hug. 

[almuPA]

A little update,

 

I am going though a wave atm. I feel  tired and also I am not able to sleep very well (great combo).

 

Trigger warning, I am going to mention my stools, so please don't read the next paragraph if it is something you do not like to read about:

I also have been suffering from pain in my right lower side of the abdomen. It then derived to difficulty to go to the toilet(something that has never happened to me), and when I was able to, my stools were full of mucus. Also, my belly growls all the time. I started to get paranoid about it, because those were the symptoms my father had before he was diagnosed with colon cancer. So I talked to a doctor from my insurance about it, and she told me that it was only IBS and prescibed macrogol. That was 10 days ago. The macrogol powder hasn't really changed anything. I am also feeling tired lately, so it makes me think that I have a sickness or something. Sometimes it is easier to dismiss those thoughts, but other days I am very obsessed. I think I will talk to a doctor again and let's see what happens. 

 

Apart from that, I have to say that I had some good days. I am able to clean the house (not like before, I think that was too much and I've got tired of being the only one responsible in the house) and doing some things. My husband and I have a website for fun, and I was able to renew the information on it, which took a lot research, and to change some of the styles on it. So I am proud and happy for that. I am also able to walk 30 minutes every day and to wake up a bit earlier than before. On Saturdays, we normally go for a longer walk (even one hour or more!) and sometimes we eat outside. I think that the eating out does not really help me, because on Sundays I feel my anxiety and my tiredness peaking. 

 

Last week I had to stay with my nephew because he had the chickenpox and none could take care of him. At the beginning I was sooo nervous. Taking care of a child for more than 8 hours a day it is a responsability I was not sure I was ready for. But apart from the tiredness from no sleeping and the casual tantrum, it was ok. 

 

Right now, as I said, I am in a wave. I am anxious and tired, my joints hurt  like I have been exercising (which I did not). I have the ocasional snowy vision and the gut problems I commented before. To be honest, I am very afraid. I am afraid I have a sickness and I am afraid of going into a big wave. Tomorrow I have my third COVID vaccine and I can't help but feeling nervous. I delayed it a bit, and even thought about not having it. But I want to spend next summer in Spain and I think it will be easier fully vaccinated. 

 

On 1/11/2022 at 12:00 PM, Erell said:

Your posts don't sound like nonsense to me, in fact I smiled when I read your thread because I felt like I could have written every word of yours 🙃

You dont know how much those words mean to me, @Erell. I always think that my English is very poor and that what I say is no relevant. Reading someone like you, so important to this website, to say something like that...💜💜

[Faure]

Hey @almuPAgood to hear your updates. Sorry to hear you are in a wave and feeling scared, but it seems like you are doing so much more now, well done! Updating websites takes quite a lot of concentration so things are definitely better for you 🙂 and 30 minute walks- brilliant! I had to cut back on my longer walks, they wore me out, but I have started to walk to and from work twice a week which is only a mile altogether but I never did that even before all this!

 

Do you meditate? I have found it very helpful to keep calm and steady, I do Jon Kabat Zin's guided body scan most days, it's very good and has helped me notice thoughts and feelings rather than getting tied up in them. I got very good at noticing worried thoughts about how tired I was and eventually (after about 18 months of meditating) could just say " there are my worried thoughts " without getting drawn into the worrying. It definitely helps!

 

It sounds like you're making great progress, remember waves are part of the healing process. Good luck with your booster tomorrow, take it very easy for the week and let us know how you are xx

[arbor]

Dear @almuPAI hope the vaccine went ok for you.  

Best wishes as you weather this wave.  I appreciate @Faurereminding us that it can be a sign of healing.

Big hug,

Arbor

[Faure]

Hello @almuPA how are you after the jab?

[almuPA]

Hello dear @Faure,

 

Thanks for asking, is very kind of you. Well, the jab had it's effects. My main symptoms are tiredness, muscle weakness, anhedonia, little patience and rage and obsessive thoughts. It is hard for me to say if it was the vaccine or just another wave, but that's how I've been feeling these last days. However, I have to say that even with difficulty, I've been able to do some things, like going for a walk, cooking and some work with the computer, so I am happy for that. Tomorrow my parents are coming to the UK for my sister's birthday (in 10 years they've never come to my birthday, but what can I do) so wish me luck!

 

How are you?

I send you a big hug. 

[Faure]

Hi @almuPA, sorry to hear you are still in a wave. I think you were very brave to have the booster when you’re in one. It does sound like you’re able to do more than in waves a year or so ago, so you’re still making progress. Sorry to hear your parents only visit for your sister’s birthday - that must hurt. Good luck with the visit and I hope you haven’t worn yourself out cleaning! 
 

I’m doing well thanks, in week 1 of a two week hold. I finished work on Tuesday and couldn’t believe how little I do on a Tuesday (and that’s one of my busier days!!!). Looks like I may soon be ready for a bit more work if I keep feeling this way. I’ve been very part time for 2 years, luckily I’m self employed so can really control how much I do.  

[arbor]

Sending best wishes @almuPA🙏💗🕊️

[Faure]

Hello, how’s things?

[almuPA]

Hello @Faure,

Thanks for always checking in, I appreciate it:)

I am sorry it has taking me a while to asnwer, but I have been with COVID (after 2 years avoiding it) and I have been in bed and feeling weak in general. Today is the first day I've tested negative, so I was going to go out, but theres have been a huge fire in a garage close to my house (there are 3 fire trucks in my street ATM) and I don't want to inhale all the smoke, so one more day home. 

 

I am not bad-bad, but I am not good-good. I am trying to give myself time and be patience, even though sometimes I just want my old self back immediately. I have kind of an event coming at the end of April and I am a bit nervous, because it implies to be out all day for two consecutive days, and I am not sure if my body and my mind are ready for that. Let's see.

 

This time at home I was reading Lost connections, by Johann Hari (in Spanish, my brain could not take a lot of English), and it made me think a lot about my life, depression, anxiety, society... Anyway, I really enjoyed it and I think we could learn from it.

 

Changing the subject, it looks like my husband's company are doing the paperwork so we can move to Spain. It is still not definitive, so I am not putting my expectations very high, but if everything goes well, I could be back in my country for the summer. 

 

How are you? 

 

[Faure]

Oh no, sorry to hear you succumbed to Covid. I hope you are starting to feel lots better now. Did you catch it from your nephews? I always think mine are my greatest risk factor! Today they came over to bake a cake which turned into a biscuit! I was very sad but it tasted great and they enjoyed it too so all was it lost. 

 

Being ill always knocks you, never mind when you’re already in WD. As you say, be patient. You’re improving all the time, albeit slowly. 
 

I recently read Stolen Focus by Hari - really loved it, I can recommend that too ☺️
 

I hope you will start to feel a bit more confident about your event at the end of the month still a couple of weeks to go. I am surprised at the moment by how much more I can do now than a couple of months ago - things are getting a lot better and I hope they will for you soon as well. Take care xx 

[Ariel]

Hello @almuPA

It was such a pleasure to receive your message in my thread. Thank you for posting. 

 

I appreciate all you have written here. 

 

I'm sorry to hear of your recent bout with COVID. I've been sick a few times while in withdrawal and it hasn't been fun. You probably already know this, but just in case, I'd like to share that I found it really important to go very, very slowly in my post-viral-illness recovery period. Something about the body being in withdrawal and extra sensitive to stress made it crucial to rest more than usual, even once any overt signs of infection had cleared. 

 

Sending kind thoughts and best wishes for healing,

A.

 

 

[Faure]

Hello, @almuPA, how are you these days?

[Ariel]

@almuPA

Thinking good thoughts in your direction <3

 

[almuPA]

Hello,

 

Thanks very very much, @Ariel and @Faure for always being there, it means a lot to me!

I am sorry I have been away from the website, now I will take some time to read about how everyone is doing.

 

The reason why I did not have time it is because I am in Spain! I have not moved completely yet, as I still have many many things in the UK (Brexit has made everything a bit more difficult), but I am here for the long term and looking for a flat (I am with my parents at the moment).

 

I have been very busy planning everything, keeping stuff in boxes or suitcases... You get the drill, what is to move. 10 years of my life and I accumulated soooo many stuff. I am going to become a minimalist after this. 

 

Anyway, lets get into what is important here: withdrawal. I am very surprised at how well I have been doing during this process. My last very bad day was beginning of May. I think it was because I went out for lunch and I ate A LOT and food I am not used to eat anymore (normal bread with regular butter, clams...), plus I walked a lot to get to the restaurant. So the next day I was shaking and in bed all day, but I recovered in a couple of days.  I have my ups and downs, of course, but I could live normally pretty much every single day. 

 

Right now, after the trip to Spain, I see that some symptoms have come back. It is not a surprise, though, because the trip was very tiring and stressful (I dont know if you have heard about the situation at the airports in the UK at the moment, but it is pretty bad). So I have been dealing with internal tremors, body temperature deregulation, muscle twitching, tired muscles, restless legs syndrome, migrane and inner anxiety. About this last symptom, I have to say that I am very happy that now I can distinguish between my own anxiety (for example, I am going to take a flight and I am nervous, that is my own normal anxiety) and WD anxiety, which is this inner inexplicable feeling that is there and dont know why. It has only taken me 27 months to figure it out😆 Also, these symptoms are there, but I can live with them. Yes, it is not easy, but I am so happy at how good I am doing comparing to last year that it is no big issue for me. I forgot to say that just hours after I arrived to Spain, my uncle passed away. I am so sorry for him and his family, and, of course, my mother. She went to Madrid (her family lives in Madrid, I am from the south of Spain) without telling me anything (she was thinking about me, because she thought I was too tired to go after my trip, but I would have liked to chose by myself), so I could not be there with her or my family. I am sure that also adds to the anxiety, and it is normal. But again, at the moment, nothing comparing to how I was last year after my mother in law passing and the Covid vaccine. Fingers crossed. 

 

Here in my house we have the situation with my father, who is still on what I think is a high doze of Lorazepam and reaching tolerance, so he says it does not do anything for him anymore. He does not want to go out or to do  many things, which is sad, because he used to love to talk to people, going to the beach or to eat out. But now it is very difficult to convince him to do things, and when he accepts, he is in panic mode. It is sad, and I understand what he is going through. However, we have tried to explain to him (my mother and my sister understand now more about WD), his GP told him that he needs to start lowering the dose, too, but my father does not want to do it. So to be honest, I dont think there is nothing I can do to help him. I mean, of course I am there for him and I try to help him, but I am not going to mention about quitting benzos anymore, because he is the one who has to realize what is better for him. 

 

One thing that may seem stupid but I would like to add, is that one day I went to "work"! I used to be an athletics technical official when I was a teenager. My mother still is, and she asked me to go with her one day. I had to wake up at 6 in the morning, and I was helping all morning with technical stuff and surrounded by so many people. It was not a lot of responsibility and of course I was not paid because I am not accredited anymore. But it was good to feel useful, like I could work again. I was super tired afterwards and I had to take a nap, but it was a good feeling (I slept like two hours the night before because I was too nervous). So, that's a plan for the future, I could pass the exam and go back to the athletic track again:) It is not a regular job because you only go on weekends, but it is a plan.

 

And thats it for the moment, I think. I would say that even thought I still have symptoms and things still affect me, I am doing progress, and I am very happy for that. 

[Faure]

Wow, so happy to hear your news, glad you’re feeling so much better and able to cope with so much more than you could before. I don’t envy you travelling atm, the chaos at UK airports is a massive problem. 
 

Sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle and your father’s problems. I was reading someone else’s issues with a friend on ADs not wanting to listen and how distressing it is. Keeping away fro difficult topics is a very kind thing to do for yourself, perhaps your father will choose to do something different in future. The brass monkey slide is a super method for getting off if he ever does decide to stop (assuming it can be used for benzos, I don’t know about that…).

 

Well done for doing a busy day at work, it’s good to know you can do that, I bet it gave you a big confidence boost? Good to have a plan for the way forward. My plan is to gradually increase my work, every 6 months or so I add a little more. I don’t want to be full time but I have a plan to do enough so I’m better able to provide for myself. 
 

Well done with all your progress! ☺️

[arbor]

I'm so happy to read this update @almuPA.  My goodness, what changes, and how wonderfully you are coping 🕊️💮🌞

Thank you for sharing this--

Arbor

[Ariel]

@almuPA

Hi, and it's so good to read you! 

Thank you for your sparkling update and the sweet message you left in my thread. 

 

I am sorry for your recent loss of your uncle. 

 

On 6/8/2022 at 12:09 PM, almuPA said:

I have to say that I am very happy that now I can distinguish between my own anxiety (for example, I am going to take a flight and I am nervous, that is my own normal anxiety) and WD anxiety, which is this inner inexplicable feeling that is there and dont know why. It has only taken me 27 months to figure it out😆 

 

This was actually really helpful to read! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Say more, if you want? I so often find myself thinking about a WD symptom, Is this me or it is WD? Sometimes I think I've got it figured out... Then I forget all about it and have to try to figure it out all over again! You've done a really good job clarifying your experience. I will remember this (maybe, probably... we'll see!). 

 

Feeling very tired at the moment so I'll keep this brief. 

It sounds like you're doing amazingly well considering the various external stressors and travel and family circumstances. Wow! 

Congratulations on your progress and the new developments (and all the delicious food you're rediscovering, yum). 

 

Thanks again for your messages, I'm feeling really uplifted and encouraged. 

Healing is happening <3

[almuPA]

Thank you so so much, @Faure, @arbor and @Ariel. Just the fact that you take the time to read what I write it is so important to me and make me feel like I am not alone in this WD world.

 

On 6/9/2022 at 7:28 PM, Ariel said:

This was actually really helpful to read! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Say more, if you want? I so often find myself thinking about a WD symptom, Is this me or it is WD? Sometimes I think I've got it figured out... Then I forget all about it and have to try to figure it out all over again! You've done a really good job clarifying your experience. I will remember this (maybe, probably... we'll see!). 

Well, after so much therapy in the past years, I think I have learnt to "rationalize" anxiety. One of the exercises that I have repeated a lot is this one where you have to write down the situation, your feelings, your body sensations, and how you react to it. With time, you dont need to write anything and just take a moment, pause and think about all of that. If I can see that my reaction was because  something triggered it (like taking a flight, having to socialice, changes, etc..), I point it as normal anxiety. If I cant find a reason and it is more intense, I point it as WD anxiety.

 

However, I have to say that lately I prefer to think that everything is WD so I don't have to worry too much. I suffer from health anxiety so I get trigger easily. For example, lately I have had some intestinal problems. I went to the doctor (in UK), I had a CT scan in my abdomen and blood work done, that I had to pay by myself. They didnt find anything. The doctor suggested to make a colonoscopy, but to be honest, I didnt want to pay the £2500 fee, so to me, it is a problem due to WD. Sometimes I have problems with my right eye, it is like I see a teeny tiny grey shadow. It comes and goes, so to me, it is WD. I am not suggesting to anybody to have this attitude. Please, if someone is reading this and having similar or other  symptoms, go to the doctor. I am just tired of worrying all day about my health. I have several blood test done since WD, I went to have a brain MRI last year.  The last 2+ years, I have been in panic mode, thinking I am going to die. I am just tired of all of this, so to me, it is easier to think, for the moment, that everything is WD: headaches, pins and neddles, muscle ache, tiredness, crying spells, intestinal problems, brain fog, anxiety...  When I am completely settle and have my medical insurance here in Spain, I am sure I will try to have some test done, but for the moment I prefer to focus my energy in other things.

 

I am sorry I could not be more helpful, I know my answer to your fair question it is not very reassurance. I will try to think more deeply about it and say something wiser in the future.

 

[Ariel]

Hi @almuPA

Thinking of you <3

[Ariel]

@almuPA

Thinking of you <3

[almuPA]

Hello,

 

I am here with another update. 

Unfortunately, the last days I've been feeling very bad. Like the first days of WD. My main symptom is (surprise surprise) tiredness🙃 This week I have been feeling drained, like my muscles weight 100 kilos and is hard for me to stay awake during the day. Then, of course, when the night comes, I am not able to sleep. My sleep patern has broken completely. I go to bed at 11/12 pm, which for me is late, but in Spain is the regular time. I would sleep at 2/3am and then I would wake up at 4/5am and stay awake for a couple of hours, not being able to leave bed until 10. It feels so bad after the schedule I was able to have in the UK. Yesterday I was in bed all day, falling sleep all the time and I could do nothing about it. Another symptoms include internal shaking, headaches, pins and needles in arms and legs, brain fog (and overall slow brain), no patience, intrusive thoughts... I am sure theres a couple of them that I forgetting right now, but yeah, it is just like the old good first days of WD. Wohoo.

I am feeling so bad that I thought I had COVID, and actually I was expecting that it was COVID, which at least is something people believes and is something tangible I can blame to. However, I did a couple of antigen tests and they were negative. I think it is "just" a wave. But of course, my head is playing games with me, telling me that I am sick, that I have a terminal sickness or something like that. And I cant visit to the doctor because I am still not on the health system here in Spain. Apparently, I need to wait for the paper work and stuff (yes, welcome to Spain). And I dont have the money to go privately and have tests or anything. 

 

Anyway, I am trying to think that these days had been very hard for me and so it is kind of normal to feel this way. I moved to a new apartment with my husband, I had to clean it and organize everything, buy things... In general, I have been doing LOT of things. Also, last week we had a wedding from his family. I did not know anyone (long story, but because we were not marry until a couple of years ago I was not considere "a part of the family" even though we've been together for 15 years, so I was not invited to any previous events). I have always suffered from social anxiety, so that was really nerve wracking. The extreme heat is not helping with feeling good. In my new bedroom is so hot that we need to sleep with the fan, and with the noise and being in a still "strange" place, it is making everything so difficult. I am very disappointed and feeling like nothing is worth it.  A couple of months ago I was feeling like I could have my life back, but this is a reminder that I can't. I even had suicidal  thoughts again. Dont worry, I am not suicidal per se, just thoughts here and there, but very discouraging anyway. 

 

I understand, after reading this website, that it is not so rare to have waves even after 27 months off AD's. But I really cant help but think that I will never be ok, or fully enjoy life or that I am dying. Believe or not, I am trying to stay positive😆

 

Anyways, I kind a came here to vent and to have a record of windows and waves, in the hope that someday it may help someone. 

[Faure]

@almuPA I was only thinking of you yesterday wondering how you are. I’m sorry to hear you have hit a nasty wave.
 

You’ve been through a lot of stressors - moving, sorting out the new home, a wedding with all the social anxiety that entails. Your poor body and mind have been through a lot and this is how they are telling you.  I think someone who was fully well would also be feeling very tired, it’s just in WD people aren’t able to handle tired so well, and it’s way more extreme.  People not in WD can rest for a day or 2 and feel better, we need WAYYYY longer than that 🙁.  It sucks. 

 

You have been doing so well, and feeling so much better and now you’ve been through a lot of events and you need to recover from them. You probably also thought WD was mostly behind you and now it’s come along and given you a good kicking to remind you it’s still there. That must be so disappointing for you. I feel fairly sure that with some rest and recuperation time you will start to feel better again. I know, you don’t want time, you want to feel better now, don’t we all! 
 

I’m pretty sure a couple of years ago you would not have been able to handle hardly any of that stuff; you have come a really long way. So rest, recuperate, breathe, look after yourself and know that this too shall pass, just like it did all the other times (the doctor doesn’t know this, he won’t understand WD, I’d try to avoid the doctor and medication that they will undoubtedly suggest). You will get through this, you will recover (many people on here have recovered when they didn’t think they ever would either) and you will enjoy life again. 
 

I hope you start feeling better *really* soon xx

 

ps, look at all you’ve achieved - I hope you will be much happier with your independent living, your husband and being back in your home country. 

[Ariel]

Thinking of you @almuPA

I hope things have eased for you since your last update. 

Hugs and healing vibes <3

[Fizer]

Hey @almuPA

 

How are you doing now? 

[almuPA]

Hello,

 

I've been thinking about doing an update for a while, but it is like I never find the time to do it. 

 

To sum-up, I am doing ok. And that makes so happy, that is even a strange feeling after so much suffering. I am trying to enjoy the moment and live in today, something that I've learnt "thanks" to WD. 

 

I am not saying I am perfectly fine. I still have bad days. Last Thursday, I spent most of the day in bed because I was in a weird mood. Maybe it was the storm, maybe it was that I met a toxic friend the previous day (my brain ended-up so tired), maybe it was the chunk of avocado (high histamine) that I ate or maybe it was just like that. But the good thing is that in the evening, I was able to have a shower and cook something. Apart from these moments, my days are mostly normal. I still don't work, though, but I am studying and thinking about the possibilities I have here in Spain (unfortunately, less than in UK). I walk more than in the last two years without feeling too tired, I am able to talk to people without panicking too much, I am trying to read more and leave the phone on the table. Little big steps. 

 

I still try to eat healthy, avoiding gluten, dairy, sugar and histamine. But little by little, I am incorporating more foods and giving myself treats here an there. I would really like to eat like in WD my whole life, because it makes feel mentally and physically well, but I really enjoy eating different foods, so I will keep treating myself as long as it does not destabilize my system. 

 

My sleep patern is so-so, but it was like that before WD. Now, when I wake-up in the middle of the night and I am not able to sleep, I listen to Harry Potter books. I say this in case it helps to someone. Of course, it does not have to be Harry Potter, you can listen to a podcast, guided meditation, ASMR, books that you love... But I find the words of a book that I like and I know well comforting. I don't feel like I need to listen until the end because I already know what happens, but it takes my mind out of the obsessive "I cant sleep, what am I going to do?" zone. I took the idea from someone who told me that they do the same but with episodes of their favourite tv show. 

 

I still have sporadic digestion problems. I have private health care, but to be honest, I dont feel like going to the doctor at the moment. Yes, I have my panic moments of "I have cancer, I am going to die". But most of the times I just ignore it. I will go when I am ready to face a doctor. 

 

@Faure,

I should have answered you when I read your beautiful words. They made cry and were a great comfort to me. Just exactly what I needed to hear/read at that low moment. I apologize for my late response. 

On 8/1/2022 at 9:58 AM, Faure said:

You will get through this, you will recover (many people on here have recovered when they didn’t think they ever would either) and you will enjoy life again. 

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you. It is so easy to forget when we are in a wave. It is like your whole life is WD. But as you said, we can heal, our bodies and minds can do this even if we have ups and downs. 

 

Thanks @Ariel and @Fizer for your interest. It took a while, but all the people in this website and in WD in general, are in my mind every single day. It cannot be any other way, giving the experience that we all share. 

 

 

[arbor]

It's so good to hear how you're doing and how you're coping.  Thank you for the update!

Arbor

[Faure]

Hey, glad you are feeling good again. ☺️

[almuPA]

Hello,

 

Unfortunatelly, I am in a wave, a big one. I havent been like this in a long time. My symptoms are: headeache and pressure in the head, tired and sore muscles, dizziness, pain in different parts of my abdomen,  depression, anxiety (specially social and health anxiety), suicidal thoughts nd overall tireness, like usually in WD for me. 

 

I think thats more or less It. I think this wave has come because I am stressed. I started working sporadically, and there is a posibility that I start working more days as an English teacher (It would be speaking clases, dont worry, my speaking is better than my writing). I also recieved some bad news and in the last couple of weeks I havent taken care of my diet as much. Also, whenever I eat something I shouldnt, I take DAO enzime, but I finished my box. So, basically, I think its been a mix of reasons. 

 

I know It is not abnormal to have this kind of symptoms so long into the WD (2 years and a half), but It is very discouraging. I have days where I feel that I am dying. I thought the worst part was over, but looks like I still have to be very careful. Yesterday I was all day in bed, and today I've gone to work, but I dont know how, to be honest. 

 

I want to have some blood test done, just in case, but the funny thing is that I need yo find out how to do It in my country. 

 

I know this is very bad written, and I cant even check everything because I am feeling dizzy, so sorry for the bad spelling and the nosence. 

 

[ChessieCat]

Additional stress can cause symptoms to worsen and you have several stressors happening.

 

Q:  Do you drink alcohol?

[Faure]

Dear @almuPA, so sorry to hear you’ve hit a wave. To be honest I think taking care has to be our new way of life as stress is bad for us and causes symptoms. I think avoiding stress as much as is possible is better for everyone whether they are in WD or not. Well done for getting a job and even going to it yesterday - amazing. I find it so hard to get to anything if I feel really bad.  
 

Try to hang on to knowing this is a wave and it will pass, even though it doesn’t feel like that right now. You will get through this one, like all the others, and you’ll come out and enjoy life again. Let us know how you are xx