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JesusSavemefromWD: only 3.5 weeks sertraline enough to destroy me


JesusSavemefromWD

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@JesusSavemefromWD I too suffer from DPDR that got way worse after taking zoloft and wanted to share my personal observations of my experience so far.

 

I'm still very upset with how zoloft f***ed me up, especially my focus, concentration and DPDR. And I began to notice a trend that whenever I got stressed about it, or I spent too long searching for answers online, or the more I wished I had a time machine to go back, that within hours I would get the horrible feeling of my brain leaving my body.

 

I did some thinking and I reached two conclusions:

 

#1 First, pychotropic meds certainly cause DPDR as we both are well aware. It was a poison to us and we suffered an adverse reaction. Now we're both trying desperately to heal from it.

 

#2 secondly, DPDR can also be caused by our body's own defense mechanism to protect itself from extreme stress and anxiety.

 

I realized I was making things exponentially worse by triggering my body's defense mechanism to dial up the DPDR because of the extreme stress I was causing myself searching, thinking and getting upset etc. every. single. day. It was stressing me out! In other words, I was giving myself a 'double dose' DPDR and turning the dial to 100. I had to find a way to turn #2 off.

 

I acknowledge that this is my own experience and it may not be the same for you. But I really felt a difference in the level of DPDR after I kind 'let go' and accepted that I'm gonna have to heal. I had to try to turn off my body's defense and tell it 'no thanks, I don't need that extra layer of DPDR' to protect me. I hope my experience or thoughts can somehow help you lessen your DPDR symptoms.

 

 

9/03/2021 25mg Sertraline

9/04/2021 25mg Sertraline

9/05/2021 25mg Sertraline

9/06/2021 25mg Sertraline

9/07/2021 12mg Sertraline

9/08/2021-Present 0mg Sertraline

Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium body wash

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2 minutes ago, john856 said:

@JesusSavemefromWD I too suffer from DPDR that got way worse after taking zoloft and wanted to share my personal observations of my experience so far.

 

I'm still very upset with how zoloft f***ed me up, especially my focus, concentration and DPDR. And I began to notice a trend that whenever I got stressed about it, or I spent too long searching for answers online, or the more I wished I had a time machine to go back, that within hours I would get the horrible feeling of my brain leaving my body.

 

I did some thinking and I reached two conclusions:

 

1.) First, pychotropic meds certainly cause DPDR as we both are well aware. It was a poison to us and we suffered an adverse reaction. Now we're both trying desperately to heal from it.

 

2.) But secondly, DPDR can also be caused by our body's own defense mechanism to protect itself from extreme stress and anxiety.

 

I realized I was making things exponentially worse by triggering my body's defense mechanism to dial up the DPDR because of the extreme stress I was causing myself searching, thinking and getting upset etc. every. single. day. It was stressing me out! In other words, I was giving myself a 'double dose' DPDR and turning the dial to 100. I had to find a way to turn

 

I acknowledge that this is my own experience and it may not be the same for you. But I really felt a difference in the level of DPDR after I kind 'let go' and accepted that I'm gonna have to heal. I had to try to turn off my body's defense and tell it 'no thanks, I don't need that extra layer of DPDR' to protect me. I hope my experience or thoughts can somehow help you lessen your DPDR symptoms.

 

 

Thanks for sharing ur experience and i am sorry u suffer from Dpdr. I started experiencing DPdr when I was put on Zoloft, never before, it became worst while tapering and much much worst after quitting. I see ur point of not thinking about it and let go but I think it applies to mild forms of DPDR. I have the severe one, feeling I am two eyes no body head arms nothing. It is impossible not to think of the Dpdr if u feel like this. It has gotten slightly better but it is still very bad.  I have only seen such severe DP in utube videos from people who took illegal drugs, but I got it from Zoloft. I am glad u stopped it so early i wish I had done so as well and not listen to my stupid doctor and people around me that I ll feel better after my body adjusted. You are very lucky I stopped it early, u saved urself from lot of trouble …. I only wish and hope and pray that time will heal what Zoloft has done to me. 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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3 hours ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

Hi Dear @JesusSavemefromWD You have made a wrong assertion now.Psychotherapy IS an option, no matter what you were told.You need to find the right person though,and that's not so easy.But it's not impossible.Connecting with your innermost like you said is a process,not something that happens in a few sessions.I can tell you this because I was lucky enough to find an excellent professional without whom I wouldn't be here typing now.Fortunately I belong to a generation who believed in psychoanalysis more than in drugs.I would once again rely on a good therapist if I could afford it,like I did when I was younger.There are also a bunch of psychiatrists who don't prescribe ,mine was one of them.Once again, you need to open your mind and use your resources and intelligence. I can make mistakes when posting my convictions but believe me,I know what I am talking about in this case.NO matter how affected you may be due to the drug ,there are people out there who can help you.These are critical psychiatrists who are not tied to big pharma.

Therapy helps many symptoms but trust me it doesn’t help with severe DP caused by drugs …… thanks for ur suggestions thought 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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Hi I'm new to this forum, and I hope you're OK.

 

I was ONLY taking Sertraline generic 50mg for 3 months and I can relate to your situation.

 

I do also need help and support, luckily this site provides the support we need.

 

I hope you would hang in there.

 

I've never taken any single Sertraline anymore since Mar 2020. It's scary that just only 3.5 weeks or 3 months could really change how our brain works.

 

I was pretty much fine before the drug. After the drug, everything changed. My body tells me something is wrong. Physical/emotional symptoms can be unbearable sometimes when the windows/waves pattern comes.

 

Constant fatigue, blurry eyes, elevated heart rate, etc has been my problem until now.

 

But I believe my body will eventually be healed. It was almost 2 years, but I guess my health was improved even a bit.

 

I just wish we can make it through, until our body and mind back to it's homeostatis condition.

---2019---- All I took was only Sertraline (Zoloft generic) --> Dec: Sertraline 50mg

 

---2020--- Jan-Feb: Sertraline 50mg

1-15 Mar: Sertraline 25mg (fast taper off, 50% taper) -> 15-30 Mar: Sertraline 12.5mg (50% taper off)

Apr: Stopped cold turkey

(Total of 3 months, tapering off 1 month)

---2021---

Aug - recent: Taking supplements (magnesium glycinate, fishoil omega-3)

 

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14 hours ago, DefectLeon said:

Hi I'm new to this forum, and I hope you're OK.

 

I was ONLY taking Sertraline generic 50mg for 3 months and I can relate to your situation.

 

I do also need help and support, luckily this site provides the support we need.

 

I hope you would hang in there.

 

I've never taken any single Sertraline anymore since Mar 2020. It's scary that just only 3.5 weeks or 3 months could really change how our brain works.

 

I was pretty much fine before the drug. After the drug, everything changed. My body tells me something is wrong. Physical/emotional symptoms can be unbearable sometimes when the windows/waves pattern comes.

 

Constant fatigue, blurry eyes, elevated heart rate, etc has been my problem until now.

 

But I believe my body will eventually be healed. It was almost 2 years, but I guess my health was improved even a bit.

 

I just wish we can make it through, until our body and mind back to it's homeostatis condition.

@DefectLeon

 I am sorry to hear ur another Zoloft victim. It sounds however that ur improving and ur on ur way to healing. I am one year off and still living in a nightmare but some minor improvements I have had give me some hope for healing. If I wasn’t going through this hell myself I wouldn’t believe this level of torture is possible from just few weeks of use. If ur symptoms are bearable keep going and stay away from this poison. My symptoms are still pretty severe that’s why I ruminate every day about a low dose reinstating but haven’t done it so far. Please let me know how ur doing . 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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An old collaborator of mine called to see how I am doing. He is a neurologist. I spend 45mins trying to explain to him that I am still suffering from a severe adverse reaction to Zoloft and he said no way. He started thinking all kind of rare neurological diseases as a possibility cause in his mind there is no way it is the Zoloft bringing all these “millions of people take it, it’s safe”.  
I rest my case, there is no way to convince him, I am mentally exhausted for just trying. 
 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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A YEAR OFF ZOLOFT today ….. I thought I would be celebrating but nope ….. still severe symptoms with minor improvements that just keep the hope of healing alive . 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Pfizer president said that people who do not get vaccinated against covid, that they put others in danger…. I ll not express my opinion to this since this is not the appropriate site for this debate, but I would like to ask him if he has any idea how many people have died or destroyed by the antidepressants his company produces …. Does he have any idea how much suffering they cause while his company makes more and more profit from these drugs? 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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Hi @JesusSavemefromWDHow are you doing? I am feeling awful. Reading your post I would add that it's not just a question of one name or brand here,there are many of them involved in this silenced catastrophe. I do believe they know but of course won't acknowledge it. Profits is all they care about as you of course know. I keep on hoping for any newspaper here to write a scientific article about how to discontinue ADs ,about withdrawal symptoms and most important of all about the danger implied in adding more medications when a patient is dealing with these horrific symptoms that have NOTHING to do with a supposed relapse or worse yet with another illness. I am in panic right now,I am totally aware of the lack of vital information about this life threatening issues. I re watched an interview online in which the late Dr Ed White clearly explains the symptoms he experienced when interrupting his AD. Exactly the same symptoms I can relate to ( plus others). It was an interview on TV. It should appear in every TV channel.All over the world. I also came across an article published in The New York Times, back in 2019.It's posted in this forum.This is a scandal.An atrocity.A silent genocide.Yet nobody cares.Profits are all that matters.I don't even know whether I will survive.I can't function.

Hi.sorry but my computer is too old.not working properly.I can only write from my phone.nevertheless i do not have drugs to list.only paroxetine.20 mg from 2009 to 2019.10 mg during 2019.sleeping pills for over 20 years.stopped everything december 2019.no drugs since then.forced cold turkey from december 2019.

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Exactly this is a genocide…. I am sorry u feel so bad and unfortunately I don’t have much good news either… I feel I can’t take this suffering much longer. Of course it’s all companies not just Pfizer but I wrote what I wrote cause it just happened that I heard the president of Pfizer in the news stating thIs and in my case it was Zoloft produced by Pfizer which hurt me. 
Has anyone brought food for u and ur dogs these days? I pray for this to happen…….as far as for the damage from drugs our only hope is time and neuroplasticity… I am so sick myself ….. I am so sorry for this needless suffering for both of us…. I don’t know what else to say anymore 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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Hi  @JesusSavemefromWDYes I know why you mentioned Pfizer. These ceos are remorseless,greedy people.They wouldn't be where they are if they weren't. It's a basic requisite to fulfill if they aspire to be the face of big pharmaceutical companies. My dogs have food thanks to a friend of mine who saved my life during lockdown last year.She is abroad right now and dropped by before going to the airport to leave my dogs food. Some distant childhood mates collected some money for me to buy some groceries. It's not enough for me to get by till December though but,like I said before, I cannot plan anything or even keep on worrying about what will happen as from the 20th onwards.Nobody calls or reaches out .This is my reality.I received some very tough answers last week which worsened my already fragile state.I do understand that people keep a distance because they don't want to get involved any further plus they have their own issues to deal with plus we haven't been in touch for a long time plus they are convinced that it's just depression and that I am to blame because I don't seek for help (meaning psychiatrist + medication) I only realized what was going on when I started researching .All these physical symptoms plus the crippling panic ,fatigue.nausea and exacerbated feelings have NOTHING to do with anything I experienced in the past.Besides I felt equally sick shortly after I quit the AD back in 2014. I reinstated as ordered by the prescriber.I couldn't function either.That's proof of withdrawal as we all know now that supposed depression does not «return» like magic exactly when one drops an AD. Also I wasn't even depressed when I asked for this poison.Yes,poison.Paroxetine should have already been banned by now .It's one of the worst ADs according to what I have been reading. I am glad that you answered.It's just desperation when one can't be heard.I have no support.At least there are some kind people like you who understands or cares to listen.I am greatly thankful for that. In spite of our poor health we are all here to reach out for another soul in pain who needs to make some human/humane contact. Thank you lady.

 

 

 

Hi.sorry but my computer is too old.not working properly.I can only write from my phone.nevertheless i do not have drugs to list.only paroxetine.20 mg from 2009 to 2019.10 mg during 2019.sleeping pills for over 20 years.stopped everything december 2019.no drugs since then.forced cold turkey from december 2019.

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4 hours ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

Hi  @JesusSavemefromWDYes I know why you mentioned Pfizer. These ceos are remorseless,greedy people.They wouldn't be where they are if they weren't. It's a basic requisite to fulfill if they aspire to be the face of big pharmaceutical companies. My dogs have food thanks to a friend of mine who saved my life during lockdown last year.She is abroad right now and dropped by before going to the airport to leave my dogs food. Some distant childhood mates collected some money for me to buy some groceries. It's not enough for me to get by till December though but,like I said before, I cannot plan anything or even keep on worrying about what will happen as from the 20th onwards.Nobody calls or reaches out .This is my reality.I received some very tough answers last week which worsened my already fragile state.I do understand that people keep a distance because they don't want to get involved any further plus they have their own issues to deal with plus we haven't been in touch for a long time plus they are convinced that it's just depression and that I am to blame because I don't seek for help (meaning psychiatrist + medication) I only realized what was going on when I started researching .All these physical symptoms plus the crippling panic ,fatigue.nausea and exacerbated feelings have NOTHING to do with anything I experienced in the past.Besides I felt equally sick shortly after I quit the AD back in 2014. I reinstated as ordered by the prescriber.I couldn't function either.That's proof of withdrawal as we all know now that supposed depression does not «return» like magic exactly when one drops an AD. Also I wasn't even depressed when I asked for this poison.Yes,poison.Paroxetine should have already been banned by now .It's one of the worst ADs according to what I have been reading. I am glad that you answered.It's just desperation when one can't be heard.I have no support.At least there are some kind people like you who understands or cares to listen.I am greatly thankful for that. In spite of our poor health we are all here to reach out for another soul in pain who needs to make some human/humane contact. Thank you lady.

 

 

 

I am thinking and praying for u …. I just wish i could do more … people who suffer so much are like angels on earth for me …… 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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Hi @JesusSavemefromWDthanks again. I know you have support but remember  I am also here for you if you need to chat a little. I also hope you can recover slowly and be able to enjoy all the things you mentioned before that make you happy.💙

Hi.sorry but my computer is too old.not working properly.I can only write from my phone.nevertheless i do not have drugs to list.only paroxetine.20 mg from 2009 to 2019.10 mg during 2019.sleeping pills for over 20 years.stopped everything december 2019.no drugs since then.forced cold turkey from december 2019.

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25 minutes ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

Hi @JesusSavemefromWDthanks again. I know you have support but remember  I am also here for you if you need to chat a little. I also hope you can recover slowly and be able to enjoy all the things you mentioned before that make you happy.💙

Thanks… recovery sounds like a very distant dream… I have been seriously hurt by Zoloft , words can hardly explain how bad, but I have to maintain hope and faith to God for recovery. These drugs need to be restricted ….  I am here for u too….

 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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Hi @JesusSavemefromWDI wanted to a] see how you are,  b] ask you how you're doing on the melatonin and if it's had any benefit, and c] ask you what soul despair is, as I think I may be suffering from it. Sending healing thoughts your way x

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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2 hours ago, Kat66 said:

Hi @JesusSavemefromWDI wanted to a] see how you are,  b] ask you how you're doing on the melatonin and if it's had any benefit, and c] ask you what soul despair is, as I think I may be suffering from it. Sending healing thoughts your way x

Hi, sorry ur suffering 

a) I am still in pure hell with all symptoms mentioned in my signature except insomnia, it appeared for a while and now it’s gone

b) I used melatonin between 0.5 mg to 3 mg during my 2-3 months of insomnia and it helped. There were only a couple of nights that it didn’t help. I didn’t notice any side effects from it and when my sleep came back I stopped melatonin immediately without any noticeable issues

c) soul despair is a feeling of like someone is killing ur soul, like ur in so much emotional pain thst u feel like running to escape, it’s hell on earth..,

hope u feel better… stay strong..,,

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
47 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

I am still in pure hell with all symptoms mentioned in my signature except insomnia, it appeared for a while and now it’s gone

 

That is good news that you are no longer suffering from the insomnia.

 

I realise that you are still suffering with other symptoms, but the fact that you are sleeping is a big improvement.  It can make it easier to cope with the other symptoms.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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7 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

That is good news that you are no longer suffering from the insomnia.

 

I realise that you are still suffering with other symptoms, but the fact that you are sleeping is a big improvement.  It can make it easier to cope with the other symptoms.

Thank u for the encouragement but I have been sleeping excellent for 9-10 months (so only 2-3 months out of this torture year I had insomnia) and still my daily symptoms don’t let up. I feel hopeless and like my only choice is reinstating. I ll hold a bit longer cause my period seem to get back to the pre Zoloft status and trying to convince myself that it might indicate beginning of healing.

congrats of being off , are u feeling ok after jumping to zero?

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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21 hours ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Hi, sorry ur suffering 

a) I am still in pure hell with all symptoms mentioned in my signature except insomnia, it appeared for a while and now it’s gone

b) I used melatonin between 0.5 mg to 3 mg during my 2-3 months of insomnia and it helped. There were only a couple of nights that it didn’t help. I didn’t notice any side effects from it and when my sleep came back I stopped melatonin immediately without any noticeable issues

c) soul despair is a feeling of like someone is killing ur soul, like ur in so much emotional pain thst u feel like running to escape, it’s hell on earth..,

hope u feel better… stay strong..,,

Thank you @JesusSavemefromWD I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions, especially as you're having such a crap time.

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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6 hours ago, Kat66 said:

Thank you @JesusSavemefromWD I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions, especially as you're having such a crap time.

I am really sorry you are suffering so much from these evil drugs. I wish I could help more but unfortunately only time seems to help us out from this hell. Feel free to reach out any time ,… stay strong … I know it hurts and it’s scary but I also know brain has its own neuroprotective mechanisms and working slowly towards recovery. 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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Almost 13 months off after just 3.5 weeks on low dose of Zoloft followed by 4.5 weeks of tapering. The suffering is unbearable, no words to describe, only SA members suffering with severe depersonalization, Akathisia and inner agitation and constant chemical fear can understand. Well, many thanks to doctors who put me on Zoloft (mild antidepressant as they said) and ruined my life for good. These doctors will be enjoying Christmas with their families while I ll be curled in bed trying to survive another day …. It will not make a difference to me if that day is 25 of December, it will just be another day to survive for the sake of my kids who have basically lost their mother. Maybe one day I ll get out of this maybe not…. 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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@JesusSavemefromWD    You will get out of this because you are young and you are taking care of yourself. You are able to sleep as well and that is crucial for healing.Don't think about Christmas now.Many of us here will not have a Xmas celebration .I am sorry things are so hard for us and I understand how frustrating it is for you to be unable to speed up the healing. I am at a loss too .This sensation of a frozen life.Stuck in the middle of nowhere without a compass. A 24/7 nightmare. These are our Friday night catharses I guess. Have you tried going out for a short walk?

Hi.sorry but my computer is too old.not working properly.I can only write from my phone.nevertheless i do not have drugs to list.only paroxetine.20 mg from 2009 to 2019.10 mg during 2019.sleeping pills for over 20 years.stopped everything december 2019.no drugs since then.forced cold turkey from december 2019.

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7 minutes ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

@JesusSavemefromWD    You will get out of this because you are young and you are taking care of yourself. You are able to sleep as well and that is crucial for healing.Don't think about Christmas now.Many of us here will not have a Xmas celebration .I am sorry things are so hard for us and I understand how frustrating it is for you to be unable to speed up the healing. I am at a loss too .This sensation of a frozen life.Stuck in the middle of nowhere without a compass. A 24/7 nightmare. These are our Friday night catharses I guess. Have you tried going out for a short walk?

I am not expecting to celebrate or feel Joy, all I am asking is 5 mins of peace of mind. Only members with mental Akathisia  can understand this . Hard to maintain hope after being 13 months off …. It was just few weeks I have hard time accepting this long term suffering. Sorry but it is day in day out of torture, only relief when I sleep. This didn’t need to happen, I was fine before zoloft , just some chest tightness…. This is unbelievable…. Thank u for ur words of encouragement but I am hopeless right now

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • 2 weeks later...

13 plus months of constant suffering…. Can’t help wonder how a completely healthy (mentally and physically) 40 years old woman , got so sick after short use of a legally prescribed drug, with no signs of recovery a year later ….more of a Rhetorical question …. Very hard to survive every day and accept what has happened to me…. Hope, faith to God, my love for my kids and sleeping good at nights are my only tools keep me going. I wish I had a deadline for this torture, it would have been easier to endure 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
19 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

with no signs of recovery a year later

 

You have seen some signs of recovery.  I think you keep forgetting that.

 

It is better to compare how you feel now with you felt at your WORST.  I think you might still be comparing now to how you felt at your best / how you want to feel.  And even though this is a natural reaction it is not very helpful because it causes stress and frustration.

 

The more stress you allow in your life, the longer the recover will probably take because your body is busy coping with the stress instead of regaining homeostasis.

 

As an example, when a person is put in a frightening situation, the body slows/stops digestion.

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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15 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

You have seen some signs of recovery.  I think you keep forgetting that.

 

It is better to compare how you feel now with you felt at your WORST.  I think you might still be comparing now to how you felt at your best / how you want to feel.  And even though this is a natural reaction it is not very helpful because it causes stress and frustration.

 

The more stress you allow in your life, the longer the recover will probably take because your body is busy coping with the stress instead of regaining homeostasis.

 

As an example, when a person is put in a frightening situation, the body slows/stops digestion.

 

Thanks for the encouragement but despite minor improvements I still spend every day in deep depersonalization, inner Akathisia and chemical fear. I haven’t seen the day light for months because going outside increases 10fold my DP, I can’t even get outside in my back yard due to mental Akathisia I simply cannot relax and just exist… too hard to be grateful for minor improvements being in this debilitating situation. I sleep good again but how much longer can I live each day in this vegetable status and just be great full I am sleeping well? I know u have best of intentions and you want to support me through this, and I thank you for that but my situation is pure suffering every day…. Just beyond human limits to endure this suffering. I wish I was exaggerating… I really wish I was….

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
1 hour ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

I sleep good again

 

Count your blessings.  This is a HUGE improvement and makes coping with the bad symptoms a bit easier.

 

When we are feeling awful there doesn't seem to be a spectrum or range to it, but awful is awful.  Just like when we have the flu and have made some recovery we still feel awful even if there has been some improvement like we can breathe a bit better, or our nose isn't running as much.

 

We might not have much/any control about the symptoms we have, but we do have some control over how we view them and cope with them.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Count your blessings.  This is a HUGE improvement and makes coping with the bad symptoms a bit easier.

 

When we are feeling awful there doesn't seem to be a spectrum or range to it, but awful is awful.  Just like when we have the flu and have made some recovery we still feel awful even if there has been some improvement like we can breathe a bit better, or our nose isn't running as much.

 

We might not have much/any control about the symptoms we have, but we do have some control over how we view them and cope with them.

Is there a possibility that I never heal from the adverse reaction? I am thankful I can sleep but anyone with Akathisia and deep depersonalization would agree with me it is pure torture. I have other symptoms too but the DP and mental Akathisia are the ones keeping me a vegetable in bed. 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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On 11/20/2021 at 12:00 AM, JesusSavemefromWD said:

These doctors will be enjoying Christmas with their families while I ll be curled in bed trying to survive another day …. It will not make a difference to me if that day is 25 of December, it will just be another day to survive for the sake of my kids who have basically lost their mother. Maybe one day I ll get out of this maybe not…. 

 

That was basically my Thanksgiving here in the USA.

What used to be a favorite American Holiday for Me.

This was my 5th one alone now, too sick to drive or go anywhere else

And not well enough to enjoy anyone's company anyway.

I didn't see or speak to anyone.

 

It was, at least for Me, only the first 2 years of everything that seemed so oppressively difficult.

In the sense of strangeness and loss,

Trying to figure my way  in finding how I still fit into a societal reality.

After about the 4th year, the survival mechanism has almost completely taken over.

 

The symptoms do get better, but You also change.

I'm not sure which of the 2 makes the bigger difference in the new paradigm.

But both of what you describe, the survival, and it being just another day I can relate to.

Finding your way through all of that.

 

Edited by Colonial

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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3 minutes ago, Colonial said:

 

That was basically my Thanksgiving here in the USA.

What used to be a favorite American Holiday for Me.

This was my 5th one alone now, too sick to drive or go anywhere else

And not well enough to enjoy anyone's company anyway.

I didn't see or speak to anyone.

 

It was, at least for Me, only the first 2 years of everything that seemed so oppressively difficult.

In the sense of strangeness and loss,

Trying to figure my way  in finding how I still fit into a societal reality.

After about the 4th year, the survival mechanism has almost completely taken over.

 

The symptoms do get better, but You also change.

I'm not sure which of the 2 makes the bigger difference in the new paradigm.

But both of what you describe, the survival, and it being just another day I can relate to.

Finding your way through all of that.

 

I am sorry you are suffering as well, I really am. Are things getting more difficult for u as u taper? I don’t understand how these drugs are still prescribed and how come doctors don’t see what is going on ….. no one believes me anymore that I still suffer after just 3.5 weeks on Zoloft , only my husband does now, but that’s all I need actually….. if I ever recover I will fight really hard to increase awareness but please excuse me if I loose hope sometimes when so many months later I still suffer tremendously to the point of feeling I have lost my mind. You are in my prayers for healing …… 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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29 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

anyone with Akathisia and deep depersonalization would agree with me it is pure torture

 

I didn't say it wasn't.

 

But you said:

 

4 hours ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

with no signs of recovery a year later

 

And then said:

 

3 hours ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

I sleep good again

 

So the statement that you made saying that you had NO signs of recovery is an incorrect statement.

 

It is a good idea to examine our thought patterns to see if we are being factual in what we are thinking and saying to ourselves (and others).

 

By focusing so much on the negatives you can end up minimising the positives.

 

If you start thinking negatively and getting down about a current symptom replace that thought with a positive like.  So you say to yourself, yes I do have "this symptom" at this time and I don't like it (be honest with yourself but factual) but what is good is that I am sleeping and no longer have "this  symptom".

 

Reframing your thoughts can me a big difference.

 

And an example from my own situation.  I have started using my exercise bike and it is causing my back to flare up a bit and I have trouble getting comfortable at night.  It is a nuisance and it does annoy me and it is frustrating, but I remind myself that last year when I hurt it I was hardly able to sleep because it was very painful.  I am thankful that I am able to get better sleep than last year and thankful that I am not in pain like I was.  And the issue I have with my back is most probably going to get worse and worse as I get older because I have arthritis and narrowing of the spinal canal.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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6 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

I didn't say it wasn't.

 

But you said:

 

 

And then said:

 

 

So the statement that you made saying that you had NO signs of recovery is an incorrect statement.

 

It is a good idea to examine our thought patterns to see if we are being factual in what we are thinking and saying to ourselves (and others).

 

By focusing so much on the negatives you can end up minimising the positives.

 

If you start thinking negatively and getting down about a current symptom replace that thought with a positive like.  So you say to yourself, yes I do have "this symptom" at this time and I don't like it (be honest with yourself but factual) but what is good is that I am sleeping and no longer have "this  symptom".

 

Reframing your thoughts can me a big difference.

 

And an example from my own situation.  I have started using my exercise bike and it is causing my back to flare up a bit and I have trouble getting comfortable at night.  It is a nuisance and it does annoy me and it is frustrating, but I remind myself that last year when I hurt it I was hardly able to sleep because it was very painful.  I am thankful that I am able to get better sleep than last year and thankful that I am not in pain like I was.  And the issue I have with my back is most probably going to get worse and worse as I get older because I have arthritis and narrowing of the spinal canal.

I have been sleeping good this whole torturous year except for  months 10-12. Overall my sleep was not the main symptom for me, that’s why I say I ve had no major improvements. No matter how positive u push urself to think, opening ur eyes every day looking around and everything looking non real, is pure torture. It is one thing to be tortured with WD symptoms  (Akathisia etc) and another thing to be tortured on top of not feeling real (DP). Thanks for ur time and encouragement 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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26 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Are things getting more difficult for u as u taper

 

To some extent, yes, but it's hard to really say why that is.

Everyone agrees the last bit of Paxil is the worst.

Since April of last year my physical and neurological conditions have worsened.

I really don't think it's pandemic-stress related since not much in my situation changed from that.

But just having to change how I react to everything  else in distress can be some of it I suppose.

Granted, I am much better in many ways so things have traded off I suppose.

Thank you for the prayers, I prayed for you the other day as well. 🙂

 

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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@JesusSavemefromWD

 

I am suffering with alot of these symptoms also. What about the brain disconnect/brain sensations did they ever improve?

Lexapro 10mg - 30th august 2021 - Adverse reaction

Amitriptyline - 10mg - 7th September - 30th sep 4 weeks

Amitriptyline 5mg -28th sep - 5th oct 

0mg ever since the 5th oct

12th oct - 1 amoxcillin and 2

metronidazole

Makes it 5 weeks 0mg so far

 

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@JesusSavemefromWDI really hope you don't mind me asking, do you get days where you'd rather not be here any more? I only ask because I was feeling like that recently. All I can say is that, having done some research (well, time on here and on YouTube), it can take up to 3 years to recover, sometimes more, sometimes less, but there does appear to be a limit on it and we'll all get there in time. 

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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14 hours ago, Colonial said:

 

To some extent, yes, but it's hard to really say why that is.

Everyone agrees the last bit of Paxil is the worst.

Since April of last year my physical and neurological conditions have worsened.

I really don't think it's pandemic-stress related since not much in my situation changed from that.

But just having to change how I react to everything  else in distress can be some of it I suppose.

Granted, I am much better in many ways so things have traded off I suppose.

Thank you for the prayers, I prayed for you the other day as well. 🙂

 

Thank u for praying for me, I can use all praying in the world. I hope ur slow taper pays off soon. If I ever recover I ll do whatever I can to stop this  AD mental murdering …… 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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