JesusSavemefromWD: only 3.5 weeks sertraline enough to destroy me

[JesusSavemefromWD]

You took lexapro for sooo little....can’t believe u went through WD. I did tapper much slower that my doctor said...... and it was only 3.5 weeks I took low dose...,. can’t walk outside full of snow and very cold.  
How many days after being OFF the med did u start feeling better? I guess I am just looking fir some encouragement that this will be over or at least start getting a bit better soon

[ccfb]

12 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

You took lexapro for sooo little....can’t believe u went through WD. I did tapper much slower that my doctor said...... and it was only 3.5 weeks I took low dose...,. can’t walk outside full of snow and very cold.  
How many days after being OFF the med did u start feeling better? I guess I am just looking fir some encouragement that this will be over or at least start getting a bit better soon

 

That's not really true.  I was on the full dose for about 3 months, and then I recursively tapered for about the next year and 7 months.  So I was on escitalopram from March 2018 to December 2019.

 

After stopping, I started feeling gradually better over the next year or so.  Guided meditation really helped.  So did exercise, tracking my sleep, picking up new hobbies, and diet/supplementation.  It does pass. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Yes sorry, I miscalculated your dates, my brain doesn’t work as it used to.... I can only hope it will pass for me as well. I am so happy for you 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Why am I getting worst as time goes by? DP and a feeling like loosing my mind and soul suffering seem to be getting worst not better at all this 8th week OFF the med. I am trying so hard to not go back on SSRIs .... 

[Altostrata]

@JesusSavemefromWD , please keep this in mind:

 

On 10/26/2020 at 2:57 PM, Altostrata said:

Hello, Jesus.

 

It sounds like you are a person who is very sensitive to serotonergic drugs, you had a serious adverse reaction shortly after starting sertraline. After they stop the drug, they have symptoms identical to withdrawal syndrome, but it's not withdrawal syndrome. They need to recover from the adverse effect, see

....

 

On 10/30/2020 at 9:07 AM, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Just a quick update on my hell situation. It’s been 5 days that I have completely stopped setraline (after dropping at 4mg for 6 days). I have not gotten worst but to my surprise some symptoms have been reduced a lot. I don’t feel I am going crazy , I don’t have much anxiety, I can cook and do light housework, I can take care a bit of my kids, I can watch TV and read a bit. The main symptom that remains is depersonalization, making me feel trapped.....

 

On 12/8/2020 at 2:54 PM, Altostrata said:

Hello, @JesusSavemefromWD

 

The depersonalization and emotional anesthesia is a very common result of having taken psychiatric drugs and especially if you had an immediate severe adverse reaction to an antidepressant. We have many people here who are coping with this.

 

I know it is very distressing, but hang in there -- it will very slow dissipate. Enjoy what you can enjoy. Don't block your healing with worry. Breathe through the rough spots. Fake it until you make it.

....

 

Is this depersonalization your worst post-discontinuation symptom? What other symptoms do you have?

 

How do you feel depersonalization? How have your symptoms gotten worse?

 

Did you try fish oil and magnesium?

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Altostrata

yes altostrata, depersonalization is the worst symptom. It is so bad that I asked my husband if I am still alive. I understand what is happening around me but feels like I am in another planet or sometimes feels like Myself is buried inside me and I have brain and body and soul but they do not communicate. Some times I feel I am going crazy or that a demon has taken over me. Never before the drugs did I have these horrific DP. I developed both derealization and depersonalization during the drug intake and during withdrawal but was ON for a few hours and then OFf, so I had some relief. Last week of tapering (4mg) and all time off the drug (55 days off today) depersonalization is all day long at a very bad  level. It is all day long without relief. It feels like it’s going away when I sleep and don’t feel it so much for the first 10 minutes waking up in the morning, but after 10 mins my brain goes into DP. I feel dead but still living, I can’t take this anymore. People report this severe horrific feeling after doing illegal drugs. I understand you are telling me it is a known AD withdrawal effect but I don’t get any relief... in fact two months off the drug and weeks 6,7,8  is worst....Other symptoms I can handle ( like my soul is in pain, tinnitus, kind of low quality sleep but not that bad, minor headaches, face numbing and some controllable anxiety)

Yes I am taking the two supplements , don’t help or hurt either I think

thank you 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

I understand the “enjoy anything u can” but I cannot actually do anything. Watching Tv or going outside or talking or cooking or doing house hold all make DP worst and even staying in bed all day doesn’t alleviate it... please help me

[Nugget]

Hey I'm new but, i just want to say i hope it gets better its gradually getting better for me 2 months out and i know what you mean when you say you cant do anything.

 

watching movies or anything like that would make me want to cry and the DP was very uncomfortable i only started to be able to do stuff just a couple days ago im hoping you get a window soon!

 

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@NuggetThank you for writing... I was praying for a sign that I ll get better and your message gave me soooo much hope. I ll be two months off zoloft exactly this coming Christmas Day. I am only asking to some windows so I can gain my strength and ride the waves... it is too much to have 24/7 deep DP just following a few weeks on very low dose ..it is so bad that most days I am bedridden. I have read all about the adverse reaction but it is really unbelievable. I am so happy you are feeling a bit better... please stay strong !!

[Nugget]

@JesusSavemefromWD im so glad it gave you hope! positive thinking is very important!

 

I still get the DP every now and then but a big improvement for me recently is i rarely get the brain zaps anymore and i would have crying spells and suicidal thoughts which are pretty much gone as well! its still rough but alot more tolerable i can actually leave the house now because i was also bedridden too.

 

I will pray you see some healing soon!

 

 

[HopefulDawn]

On 10/25/2020 at 6:43 AM, JesusSavemefromWD said:

End of this August I start having severe Chest Tightness which triggered panic attacks thinking I was not breathing. My primary physician put me on 25mg Zoloft. Sure the chest tightness was relieved in two weeks but the real nightmare started .... depersonalizations, deattachment from reality, suicidal thoughts, extreme panic attacks , fear living my house, desperation, nausea in my soul!, eye issues like on of my eyes was focusing at a different level than the other, non stop fear for no reason, going literally crazy.... and the symptoms continue during tapering making my doctor including my husband who is a physician to say it is my illness progressing and not the medicine. At the moment I am bedridden can’t function, I am loosing my mind and only had a few hrs of a window feeling normal during the tapering. The doctors want to put me in antipsychotics , at the moment I am not sure if they are right that I am loosing it or if it is withdrawal... How could 3.5 weeks of sentraline destroy me? I am desperate I can’t take these feelings anymore .  Any help advice?

 

I remember the extreme fear and extreme panic attacks and difficulty focusing the eyes. I understand the fear living in your house, I felt irrationally afraid of some of my furniture, when turning the lights on and off. My case is slightly different but lots of us have gotten through these experiences and you can too.

 

The biggest thing that helped my in acute fear was to try and get through the next few seconds, then the next. With acute symtpoms I would never think about trying to get through the day or even hour because it just seemed too much to be able to cope but I could handle a few seconds.

 

I used to colour a lot, I think this helped with random thoughts because I was focused on something, it was something I could do where I struggled with most every day chores. All is not lost.

 

If you have supportive family could you stay with them or be close to them? I had detachment from reality, feeling like I would die or that everyone and everything didn't exist and I was alone so I would want to see my family in my vision else I was worried they were not real.

 

Even though these thoughts feel so real and so scary they are not. I would say try to go a few seconds or minutes at a time and hopefully you will get some windows were you feel better.

 

Sorry that you're going through these things. We can support you, you're not alone even if it feels like you are and even if you have some very strange experiences it is likely there is someone else who understands even if most people don't understand.

 

Edited December 21, 2020 by ChessieCat
blackened font

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@HopefulDawn

thank you for writing. I really cannot believe you had only two pills and had to suffer for more than two years. I am so sorry.... I feel ur pain but happy u got better. You are very strong. Do u remember how long after the drug did u start having some signs of relief and improvement? I am terrified and don’t think I can take this depersonalization much longer. I live in Canada with husband and two young kids. My extended family is in Greece and I don’t have anyone to take care of me. My husband is getting frustrated that I don’t take care of the house and kids anymore and no matter how hard I try to explain he just doesn’t show me the affection I need right now. He makes me feel like a burden ... which I am at the moment but it is not my fault. It is Christmas and can’t even prepare for the holidays not even make one dessert . He is a physician, he has bind trust to the medical field and he is still thinking there smg else causing all these and not the adverse reaction to Zoloft . It breaks my heart to be so sick and not to even get a hug or a word of support ... 

[Nugget]

@JesusSavemefromWD i’m sorry your husband is being like that i've lost my friends since this happened and nearly lost my family mostly because they don’t understand and also don’t want to understand.

 

 it doesn't make me feel better when i feel like i’m on my own thats why i love SA 

[Colonial]

Life has a habit of changing on a dime one day if you live long enough...

I left my residence one day and never saw it again...

Few people can relate to certain things, which is why I have learned to look into myself for validation.

 

But seeing how it is your spouse, I am sorry.

Do the kids seem to understand?

I don't know how old they are but they usually love a mother no matter what.

 

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Nugget

thank you.. at least I have people in this site realizing how inhuman torture WD is. I am still praying for one window... but nothing yet...

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Colonial

my kids are 5 and 8 and they understand more than my husband. My husband told me “ if u were married to someone else , he would have probably thrown you out in the streets...” he is not gonna do it but just saying that hurts... my kids have told him many times even though they are young “ don’t u see ? Mom is really sick”. 
I really don’t care what he says or feels for me. All I care is to win this battle for my two amazing boys. But not getting a single sign or moment of relief 8 weeks off . If I only had windows and waves, then I knew I d be able to make it...

thank you all

[Shep]

7 hours ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

He is a physician, he has bind trust to the medical field and he is still thinking there smg else causing all these and not the adverse reaction to Zoloft .

 

You may want to show him these articles:

 

Psychiatry’s Top Experts Acknowledge Lasting Harms of Antidepressant Withdrawal

 

Review Documents Severe Withdrawal Effects of Psychiatric Drugs

 

These articles are more about withdrawal than an adverse reaction, but it still speaks to the harm these drugs cause. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Shep

thanks, I will read them for me but I will not waste any energy to try to convince him. I need all my strength for getting well, I am in pure hell the last 4-5 months. If I get out of this healthy and without any more drugs that will be my proof to him .... 

[Colonial]

You should give them to him, for his future benefit.

This is a larger issue than just you, as a Doctor he should know.

 

You should also give them to him for Our sake and out of respect for the time staff invests in assisting you., trying to consider how to help you with your questions, concerns and complaints.

Then when we do, you reject the very thing that may help the issue you claim is upsetting to you.

 

Part of being a member here is doing what you can to get better, not just complaining about it

The stress of your marital situation delays that healing.

 

If your not willing to provide Him what we offer after complaining about it, it makes us less likely to research ways to help you in the future.  Not because we are mad, but because it shows that our time is being wasted and then their is not much we can do to help you. 

 

We have limited time and many members, we have to "triage" our time as a wise investment.

We can only help members who want to do the hard work of getting better.

I'm not sure you are at that point.

 

I think you are still caught in how unfair this is and lack of acceptance.

Your still fighting against having to accept the reality of your new life.

Your still internally raging against the process.

 

Until you come to accept where you are, no one else can help all of that much.

Your title is "Jesus save me" and you asked a few times "Why God".

Have you tried to make peace with Jesus as to why this has happened?

I think part of your larger problem is an existential one with your creator, as you understand Him.

Do you have a clergy member you can speak with?

 

I'm really at a loss as to know what else we can do for you at this point.

I think part of your anger is why you tend to use such emotional dramatic language.

I think it's an expression of the rage you feel about this you haven't been able to process yet.

Until you get past that, you will likely continue to reject whatever links or help we do offer you.

 

Why don't you try this, instead of complaining about where you are, you think about what you need from us.

You need a "game plan" as to where to go with this and what assistance you need for this site.  Without that, I don't see what help we can provide.

 

 

 

Edited December 21, 2020 by Colonial

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Colonial

you are being very hard without a very serious reason.  What in the world did I say to deserve all these things you wrote ??!! 
I have many plans to help AD victims  in the future if I get out of this , through my scientific identity ...  just because I don’t have the energy to talk to my husband at this time about the suggested articles, you had to say all these? 
I am suffering, please, I don’t need these unfair and cruel comments

[Colonial]

No one said you had to talk to him, you could simply give them to him.

Email them to him if you wish.

I wasn't suggesting an argument..

 

But my comments are neither cruel nor unfair.

Similar ones are given by all staff to many people in your position.

The fact that you are saying what you are shows I have hit on a truth you don't want to admit.

Playing the victim of an unfair "attack" is more dramatics.

 

You need a plan and some long range goals that we can help you with.

You need to rise above it and work to getting better.

What are some things you would like to learn or work on here?

If we have some ideas of how you would like to move forward to recovery maybe we can help you better.

 

Feel free to take some time to think about them.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

 

 

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Yes they are untrue and cruel, and I am getting restriction points for just daring to say that to you. Have a good day too

[newmom]

Jesussaveme...I don't think Colonial's comments were called for. They came across as cruel and unnecessary to me too. I am sorry you are suffering. I think distraction is the best thing you can do for yourself. Find a simple thing to do with your hands to help keep you occupied so you don't think so much about how you are feeling (knitting? coloring? puzzles?) This will definitely get better with time. I'm sorry some people feel the need to be unkind. Not every marriage dynamic is the same, and if you don't want to give your husband some articles, that is your choice. 

 

Edited December 21, 2020 by Altostrata
restored original post

[ChessieCat]

You have been a member here for about 8 weeks.

 

You have made 103 posts in that time.  The majority of those posts have been you complaining about your DP and your situation not just in your own topic but in other members' Introduction topics.  We understand that members can be angry and upset about what has happened to them, but the staff also knows from their own experience and following the experience of other members that there are ways that members can help themselves.  However, it is up to the member to do that because nobody else can do it for them.

 

We have seen no indication that you are trying to learn and use non drug ways to help you get through this difficult time.  I suggest that you check out these topics:

 

Acceptance

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Please have a look through some of the suggestions in these topics and post here in your Introduction about some them that you think you could try.

 

 

[Altostrata]

First, we all need to understand that the symptoms of withdrawal can be quite severe, and it's easy for anyone to become despondent because of this terrible medical accident.

 

Coping with the symptoms while they fade may be the hardest thing many of us will do. We can tell people about that here, but each person has to find the strength within to persevere.

 

Please let's be kind while reminding each other of this. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.

[Colonial]

On 12/20/2020 at 9:45 PM, newmom said:

I don't think Colonial's comments were called for. I'm sorry some people feel the need to be unkind.

@newmom

How things may "come across" to another member as yourself is subjective to everyone reading along, what we bring to the issue, and how much complete knowledge of the overall situation we have.  As @ChessieCat said, most of this members posts for 2 months have been complaining without any indication that they wish to move forward using the tools we can offer as peer support.  When a member repeatedly complains about an issue, and an administrator like goes out of their way to research links to provide for the person and they reject the offered help outright, there is very little left for staff to do at that point.

 

While I realize the suffering that accompanies the acute phase, as we also have been there, to continually complain in negative and aggressive terms with no sign of attempting to work on the positive help offered, it can then be worse for the person if we continue to interact until they are able to move forward.

 

For staff to provide assistance, we need to know what member need help with in making positive goals moving forward.  I have now 2 times asked this member:

 

"What are some things you would like to learn or work on here?

If we have some ideas of how you would like to move forward to recovery maybe we can help you better."

 

The member refuses to answer, showing they are either not yet past enough of the acute phase in order to be able to do so, or they do not yet wish to do this, and only wishes to complain they are unfairly attacked when all I am asking to to work with us as the site in compliance with site regulations.  This site is a bit different from others.  It has a focus on personal responsibility to do the work we cannot do for the,.  Until this occurs our ability is very limited. Recovery, of any sort, is hard work, it requires commitment and some amount of work.  Simply talking about how bad things are make it worse.  It would be irresponsible of us not to remind members of this.

 

Because members as yourself  are unaware of the entire issue upon which staff usually makes decisions or why moderators like @ChessieCat finally may assign warning points, I understand why you may think things are unfair, but it may also be not realizing all of the responsibilities members have to continue to journey forward with us here.  As the moderator said, since the member has not shown any initiative in discussing the tools we have available, it may be best for staff to move on until such time that the member is able and willing to do so.

 

If you have any other questions or concerns, please feel to tag me in your own thread, I would be more than happy to chat with you there.

 

 

 

 

Edited December 22, 2020 by Colonial

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Colonial

please just stop! 

[Colonial]

I have already unwatched your topic and taken you off the list of members to reply to.

My reply was directed to the other members comment.

She can communicate with me in Her own thread in the future.

I wish you the best moving forward in your journey and recovery.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Altostrata

 and others with experience on short time AD usage, I am hoping to get ur opinion on my current WD symptoms.
During  2nd month of WD, the main symptom was debilitating depersonalization/brain disconnection. I just entered the 3rd month OFF the drug (67 days OFF) and I have new symptoms: insomnia for the last 5 days ( I was sleeping quite good till now, now i

sleep in an

alert kind of mode and wake up every half an hour or so) , racing thoughts that they don’t stop (my mind can’t focus on anything), inner fear without a reason ( thankfully doesn’t pick to panic attacks), eyelid twitching, increased time length of tinnitus (used to be strong ringing for a few secs a couple of times per day, now it’s more of background noise mostly during nights, lasting for an hour , stopping and starting again many times during the night). I also noticed that during my alert mode of sleep I can kind of connect with my brain (so my depersonalization feels to be smother allowing this brain connection) but as soon as I am out of bed in the morning, DP sets in strong for the entire day.

I can’t help wonder if new symptoms are new WD symptoms or it is just progression of a disease. But what kind of disease does it cause tinnitus other than WD?

I am now 67 days off Zoloft, things are getting scary although there might be a slight (3-5 present) decrease in DP intensity during the day and windows of DP during my alert mode sleep. I know it is my decision but was hoping to get opinions about reinstaining a small dose ( deep down inside I don’t want too but i also don’t want to miss the reinstainment window opportunity). Every day is a torture....

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Update on my situation:

insomnia vanished, I am sleeping very good again.

symptoms during day

- severe depersonalization all day ( I got a 45 mins window four days ago early morning during which depersonalization become bearable).

- strong soul dread feeling but it is On and off during the day, so I do get some relief 

- eyes not focusing very well but it isn’t so bad, can easily handle it

- tinnitus has increased but it is on off as well and not too loud, so not a real issue .

- inner terror/fear without a reason has been substantially reduced the last two days

At this point if I had a reduction on depersonalization I could really take the suffering for as long as my brain needs to heal from the so called antidepressants. They are poisons with long lasting effects ,worst than cocaine. And yes there are people who benefit from ADs but Doctors Must warn their patients they might belong to the fraction of people who get severe reactions and let the patient decide if they want to take that risk. 
Any input in my situation would be appreciated 

I pray for all of us to get over this nightmare 

[Shep]

It can take awhile for dp/dr to fade out, but it's good you're sleeping well again. Once you've been sleeping well for awhile, you likely will see other symptoms, including dp/dr, improve.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Shep

thank you 

 

last night: didn’t sleep at all, I could feel things crawling in my brain, going numb but I felt calm inside. Around 7:30 in the morning I realized I could connect to myself, first time so good connection.... yes I was having a window in DP (like 40-50/ less intense DP). Lasted 3 hrs. DP is back now but still feels slightly less than other days (like 5/ less?) 

this is the second DP window , the first was a 45 minutes four days ago (30-40 / reduced). Interesting thing is that both windows followed a night of no sleep at all with intense headache and tinnitus. 
shep what do u think about my DP windows following sleepless nights with intense headache and tinnitus?

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Day 70 OFF sertraline:

another 2 hours morning window on DP (about 40/reduction of intensity), could connect with my brain and myself . Even though the window has closed, till now 7pm I think I still maintain a 5/ connection to myself compared to previous days. This is my third DP window within months of suffering, each window lasting only for a few hours. I still do suffer a lot.....However, the last two windows have been better than the first and have also been consecutive (two days in a row). In addition to these short windows, i slept great last night and today ALL DAY symptoms of inner fear/soul dread feeling/anxiety have been further reduced at a manageable level. Tinnitus has increased but it is not constant so I don’t mind it that much. I am also able to watch a bit TV , couldn’t watch so far as in deep DP u don’t have connection with outside stimuli.

I know it is too early to tell but as a neuroscientist I also know that these are strong signs of brains‘ capacity to restore normal neurotransmittion and heal. I still have a long way as complete healing will be slow but these minor improvements make me strong enough to endure the suffering and tell my psychiatrist “What? Did u say Prozac? Thanks but no thanks, I ll take the natural suffering for now instead of the artificial SSRI triggered suffering. Because the first one has the hope of slow painful healing, the second one is just plain hopeless suffering....I have tears on my eyes writing this right now .... I keep praying for all of us!

[Humanist56]

@JesusSavemefromWD, let the healing begin/continue. I hope you can snuggle with your kids and relax. I’m so happy you’re getting rest and feeling better. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Day 71 OFF sertraline:

I probably only slept 1-2 hrs last night but I don’t mind cause by 7:30 am I was in a nice DP window again for 4 hrs.... 50/ reduction of DP as yesterday. Fell asleep noon to 4 pm and walked up with a bit inner fear/restlessness (manageable level) and still maintaining tiny connection to myself and my brain .. so just about 5-10/ DP reduction. Still painful and far away from normal, but that’s a fourth window, three of them in a row.... praying and praying....

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Day 72 OFF sertraline:

Only slept 3 hrs. Didn’t get a nice clear DP window today but I think I still maintain very low connection to myself/my brain throughout the day. No feelings of despair/fear, just some minor inner anxiety ....and tinnitus, tinnitus, tinnitus.... Now how do I describe this other thing that happened today without risking that people will think I am crazy?! I ll give it a try....

During all these months of Zoloft suffering the right hemisphere of my brain as well as my right eye “felt dislocated”... like right site was pushed slightly forward inside my skull..... today it felt like it went back to its place.... so weird sensation , sounds like out of a horror movie.....🙄