JesusSavemefromWD: only 3.5 weeks sertraline enough to destroy me

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Day 73 OFF Zoloft poison:

I only slept 2 & 1/2 hrs (3:00am - 5:30 am) but I couldn’t be happier..... when I got up at 5:30 smg felt different... couldn’t tell what but felt more normalish... I dared to look myself in the mirror (during my severe DP , even when at windows , I couldn’t identify the person in the mirror, I knew it was me based on common sense, but it looked like another human like creature from another world, couldn’t connect. From what I hear from other DP sufferers it is a common symptom). 
Today at 5:30 am I could see me in the mirror... not completely normal feeling as before Zoloft, but I could definitely recognize me. I got on my knees and cried ..., Zoloft has brought me on my knees numerous times, but 73 days OFF this poison, those were tears of joy...,

[bijay]

@JesusSavemefromWD  You are not crazy, your mind and body are just doing their thing, going through the healing process.  Things are bound to feel weird in the meantime.  Just keep surfing those waves! Hugs to you! ❤

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Thank u.. I have regained partial connection to my brain and myself last two days , before I was totally disconnected due to 100% depersonalization. This partial recognition makes me realize I haven’t lost my mind ..,, have u noticed in my signature for how short of a time I took the Zoloft poison? Couldn’t have ever imagine such debilitating effects. Hope ur doing good urself. 

[ChessieCat]

Please post above your improvement in the DR/DP and Adverse Reactions topics.  It will be encouraging for other members who experience the same thing.  Thank you.

 

derealization-or-depersonalization-dr-and-dp

 

immediate-adverse-reactions-to-an-antidepressant-or-within-a-few-doses-how-long-for-recovery

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@ChessieCat

yes I was planning of doing so! It seems like there is a tiny improvement every day for the last 5 days. I was thinking of waiting for a full week or two since this improvement and then post in the links above a very encouraging message! If u think I should do it now let me know but it really doesn’t feel just like a simple window but rather as a very very slow linear DP improvement. 
I wanted to thank you for one thing you said to me when I was desperate (in mental comatose status of DP) and  posted here my thoughts of only having two options; start Prozac or 5htp, and you said : these are not your only options, there is a third one, and that is nada, nothing!! I remember thinking easy to say but then realized that no matter how much I was suffering that was a choice indeed.,,, and that’s what I choose.... Nothing!!!

[ChessieCat]

I think it would be good to post now and then do a follow up one (or more) because it might give a more realistic view of the slow process but that it does happen.  (Please note that I am not criticising you but stating a fact:)  You yourself were very unbelieving that things would improve.  When a member is in the throes of a drug issue it helps them to know that recovery happens.

 

15 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

I wanted to thank you for one thing you said to me when I was desperate (in mental comatose status of DP) and  posted here my thoughts of only having two options; start Prozac or 5htp, and you said : these are not your only options, there is a third one, and that is nada, nothing!!

 

And thank you, I appreciate that and you are welcome.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Didn’t feel like u criticized me, there is nothing in your words indicating that.  Yes, I couldn’t believe of any improvements happening, in fact I can’t even believe it now that I am experiencing them 🙄... but that wasn’t because I was a pessimist or didn’t want to work on getting better or just liked complaining... The DP was 24/7 and simply too severe , I was really dead mentally and couldn’t stand another minute alive, plus had no support what so ever around me except other sufferers in this site. I think this is understandable from anyone who has gone through severe AD side effects. I Will post in the links u suggested tomorrow and then in a month from now as well.

[Amira]

Hello @JesusSavemefromWD 

 

My heart goes out to you, i know first hand how your suffering is beyond comprehension. And on top of that not having a family member believe/ support you is so discouraging and sad. I read your thread and i remember how scared i was once i joined this website.

 

i am ahead of you in recovery timeline. I have had many months of pure mental anguish and all crazy head/ physical sensations,. I am still not out of the woods yet, i just want you to know that it gets better with time. Some people recover faster than others. 

 

My advise to you is to distract and burn time. Whatever that can be. And read the success stories. It is a day by day process, for me sometimes it was a second by second. And wait for the next improvment to happen.

 

Sorry for my bad english. i wish you full recovery 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Amira123

my dear Thank u for ur nice words and I am so sorry for ur suffering ....... I went through your whole thread as well. I notice the tiny ☀️ symbol in ur thread and thought ur doing better but reading ur thread made me wonder. So how are u feeling now? How would u rate it improvement compared to begging of withdrawal? I am praying for full recovery for both of us....

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Day 74 OFF sertraline poison:

today was harder than yesterday... didn’t get a clear DP window but I think a more stable throughout the day 5-10% DP reduction. I also felt a bit of soul despair triggered by the thought that maybe my improvement will just plateau and stop. I could talk my self out of it and went back on my notebook with my symptoms ( I call it sufferbook). I realized what might be happening is that these last 6 days I had an overall improvement that I got used to it by today so it doesn’t feel anymore as an improvement but as my new steady state level, at which my brain will start working towards the next slight improvement. During December my notes mentioned “my soul is leaving my body”, “not a single window in my severe DP”, “I have to reinstate”, “ I am crazy”, “I need to go into a psychiatric yard”, “someone please kill me now”,  “horrific intrusive thoughts out of nowhere”.......This week of January my notes include “still suffering but clear DP window”, “feeling kind of ok-ish inside”, “my hopes are up today” , “ I could watch TV today”..,,,So be aware, your improvement might be so slow that after a few days doesn’t feel like an improvement. It still feels like being very sick because it is far from full recovery but your new status is a reduced state of suffering....Rely on your notes to tell u....

[Amira]

@JesusSavemefromWD I am definitely  better than the first few months of wd. I can understand your confusion, the wd recovery is very slow and non linear for some people. But do not be discouraged, you might recover faster than me, and i have seen alot of success stories of people who recover in 12-18 months time frame.

 

alot of symptoms have gone away and others are now less intense, some bad symptoms come in waves. i am still left with some symptoms like emotions numbness, DP and cognitive issues which are less intense than the begining of wd. i am hoping they will go away soon.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

75 day OFF poison sertraline:

my sleep was bad again last night. During the day I can’t define how I feel. It is like I do have brain connection but I feel like me living inside of me. Can’t tell what is happening, but it is certainly a horrific feeling... i am praying for a better day tomorrow 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

On 1/7/2021 at 10:46 PM, Amira123 said:

@JesusSavemefromWD I am definitely  better than the first few months of wd. I can understand your confusion, the wd recovery is very slow and non linear for some people. But do not be discouraged, you might recover faster than me, and i have seen alot of success stories of people who recover in 12-18 months time frame.

 

alot of symptoms have gone away and others are now less intense, some bad symptoms come in waves. i am still left with some symptoms like emotions numbness, DP and cognitive issues which are less intense than the begining of wd. i am hoping they will go away soon.

Has your DP lighten up or it’s been the same? This feeling is just out of this world... really...,

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Day 76 of Zoloft poison:

I slept much better last night. This morning I had another different kind of window .... can’t really described it but felt like I could connect with myself in a more normal-Ish way. Like I didn’t have to think “ do I convect with myself?” I just did connect as most people; they don’t ask and wonder about it right? It felt good, I remember thinking “now that’s it what we call bearable WD”. Unfortunately it only lasted 1 & half. For the rest of the day I  went back in my depersonalization cage but the status feels different compared to few days ago...like the door of the cage is open and I just need a bit more time/effort before I exit...

as for the rest of my WD symptoms...today there was no anxiety, no panic, no intrusive thoughts, no crazy feeling, no soul dreading feeling, just some rational suddenness about what I am going through. tinnitus remains but I don’t mind.. God bless all AD victims
 

[Amira]

@JesusSavemefromWD it is now less intense thank god

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Day 77 OFF Zoloft poison:

Depersonalization has changed  its form.... I now have connection to my brain and myself all day but feels like myself is inside somewhere , like trapped in my mind, like not well connected to my surroundings. I will dare to say, even though it is still horrific, it is an improvement because about a week ago I couldn’t connect to my brain and felt like I was loosing my mind and had to lock myself in a psychiatric yard and let them inject me whatever for the rest of my life. Reconnection to my brain had eliminated this feeling. So I think my brain managed to restore connection with my inner self and now will work to restore connection with my outside environment. I am not even sure if at this point what I suffer from is still depersonalization or brain fog/brain numbness. Can’t tell. Well crazy talk from a crazy woman u might think.... No that’s just crazy talk from a Zoloft messed up brain in the process of recovery.......

Other symptoms to report, just moderate insomnia, tinnitus and a form of psychological exhaustion with all this suffering during the last 5 months . I pray for all of us to stay strong and overcome this.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

- Day 78 off Zoloft poison: can’t tell what’s happening, even though DP remains clearly reduced, I feel like I am loosing my mind, ruminating thoughts re appeared and SI as well as soul despair but to less degree than previous days. I almost grabbed a Xanax but didn’t take it

- Days 79-80 OFF Zoloft poison

What a pleasant surprise .... I can recognize my hands (couldn’t so far cause of DP), I can really watch TV without getting lost in my own mind, my boys look soooo handsome in my eyes again as before Zoloft. I feel quite calm inside as well and moments of fear if they appear I am able to turn them off.

- Days 81-83 OFF Zoloft poison  :going on a family trip by car (5 hrs each way). Feeling okish in the morning but suddenly I feel horrible... like panic is coming, inner fear without reason and while interacting with other people feeling even worst. I am pushing through and try to socialize during dinner (we were hosted by family friends) and all of a sudden I feel completely cut off this world and disconnected and things moving inside my head.. I apologize from my friends and go to bed early ... crying , getting on my knees, screaming without a voice , can’t take this torture anymore... I manage to pray and fall asleep 

-Days 84 to 88;

my old self is coming back... 

i opened my eyes on day 84 and 60-70% of my DP is gone.... No panic, no fear, no soul despair... it is only the though of it crossing my mind but not reaching my soul....These improvements are maintained till right now day 88) so 4 days in a row.....

  I can clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel and for first time I caught myself making dreams/plans for the future. I even went to the hair salon and enjoyed getting a new haircut. Remember a few weeks ago going to the supermarket was a struggle....

Zero mg Zoloft , zero mg Prozac, zero mg of any drug, huge improvements!

still way far from normal but very very close to what I note in my “sufferbook” notes WDB (withdrawal bearable).  Keep praying, keep going keep fighting, and now that every time u feel like ur loosing ur mind , it is when ur Brain is taking big steps to reestablish neurotransmittion balance ....

 

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Officially 3 months OFF Zoloft poison:

It seems like DPDR have substantially been reduced for the last 10 days and doesn’t feel like going backwards rather than every day it is getting tiny better.

however, it seems like the more progress I make with DPDR, the more the inner terror/restlessness/ anxiety feeling surface and make me feel really bad, not allowing me to be happy for dramatic reduction of DPDR. 

Has anyone experienced smg similar? I can’t help wondering how much longer of this WD suffering do I have to endure just for few weeks of Zoloft. I know there is no answer ....

[mva96]

Yes I have experienced exactly this on a few occasions, the DPDR backs off but i tend to experiencing more internal/mental suffering instead. DPDR is a form of dissociation and is designed to numb you, so it makes sense.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

I see ur point and that was I was thinking as well but this seems like suffering without an end. Well I ll stay strong... if I survived 3 months in full 24/7 DPDR like being dead inside my own body, I should be able to survive the inner terror as well. Are u over DPDR now? How about the inner terror feeling is it better for u?

[Amira]

On 1/22/2021 at 3:55 AM, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Days 79-80 OFF Zoloft poison

What a pleasant surprise .... I can recognize my hands (couldn’t so far cause of DP), I can really watch TV without getting lost in my own mind, my boys look soooo handsome in my eyes again as before Zoloft. I feel quite calm inside as well and moments of fear if they appear I am able to turn them off.

 

On 1/22/2021 at 3:55 AM, JesusSavemefromWD said:

 

-Days 84 to 88;

my old self is coming back... 

i opened my eyes on day 84 and 60-70% of my DP is gone.... No panic, no fear, no soul despair... it is only the though of it crossing my mind but not reaching my soul....These improvements are maintained till right now day 88) so 4 days in a row.....

  I can clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel and for first time I caught myself making dreams/plans for the future. I even went to the hair salon and enjoyed getting a new haircut. Remember a few weeks ago going to the supermarket was a struggle....

Zero mg Zoloft , zero mg Prozac, zero mg of any drug, huge improvements!

 

Great update, @JesusSavemefromWD Having windows is a sign of recovery and it means you are on the right path. It is good you are documenting the windows, you can use the documentation in times of waves as a reminder that things are changing for the better. Keep going, one day at a time, distract and it will pass

[JesusSavemefromWD]

1 hour ago, Amira said:

 

 

Great update, @JesusSavemefromWD Having windows is a sign of recovery and it means you are on the right path. It is good you are documenting the windows, you can use the documentation in times of waves as a reminder that things are changing for the better. Keep going, one day at a time, distract and it will pass

Thanks for the encouragement, so much needed... how are u feeling?

[Amira]

I am okay. Thanks for asking 🌸

[JesusSavemefromWD]

3 months and one week OFF Zoloft position 

symptoms reduced

- constant 50% reduction of DPDR intensity 

- tinnitus (slight decrease)

- horrific intrusive thoughts (almost gone)

- Sleep almost normal 

- easier to watch TV 

- going outside for simple things like groceries or taking kids from school easier but not pain free

 

symptoms intensified

- inner fear/ terror/anxiety (had disappeared for some time now back)

-soul ache (like deep sorrow)

- physical fatigue even though I sleep and eat well and don’t work or exercise (I tried and doesn’t help

- an undefined Brain OFF feeling that makes me feel I am literally going crazy 

 

windows:

Symptoms last all day but usually get some relief late nights between 9:00 pm - 2:00 am, then I go to bed.

 

a few morning WDs of 10-15 mins that I feel normal-ish....

is this really WD from few weeks of Zoloft? Can’t help thinking i should have been much better by now if it was WD

[JesusSavemefromWD]

It’s so clear the more DPDR improves, the worst the inner restlessness/anxiety/agitation/fear/ gets. Lasts all day long and it is pure hell. Some days I get some relief around 9:30 pm and others no relief at all till a go to sleep feeling exhausted from the inner soul ache and luckily I sleep for 10 hrs

 

[ChessieCat]

On 1/31/2021 at 8:11 AM, JesusSavemefromWD said:

is this really WD from few weeks of Zoloft? Can’t help thinking i should have been much better by now if it was WD

 

Post #1 of this topic explains it.  If you have already read it I suggest that you re-read it:

 

immediate-adverse-reactions-to-an-antidepressant-or-within-a-few-doses-how-long-for-recovery

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

13 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Post #1 of this topic explains it.  If you have already read it I suggest that you re-read it:

 

immediate-adverse-reactions-to-an-antidepressant-or-within-a-few-doses-how-long-for-recovery

 

Thank you, I have read it, it is just very hard to digest it... having some symptoms almost disappearing and then coming back harder is just disheartening. This link also features a video of an individual who took lexapro only once and he says he never recovered..... I doubt I will never recover as I have been experiencing windows here and there and constant reduction of DPDR, but videos like these really scare me.

[Jennings]

Those videos are scary.

 

I have faith you will recover.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

5 minutes ago, Jennings said:

Those videos are scary.

 

I have faith you will recover.

Thank you...  unexpectedly I just had a couple of hours of a window feeling a bit more human... I know tomorrow it ll be the same again but these late night windows convince me my brain still has the capacity to overcome WD and eventually heal. 
how are u feeling these days? How is ur battle going?

[Jennings]

I’m in a wave.  A lot of doom, but trying to stay positive.  
 

I had a week of decent days but this current wave has hit hard.  A lot of symptoms both physical and mental.  
 

Taking it day by day.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Hold on till the next window... I am praying for both of us to win this ugly and unfair battle 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Day 100 OFF Zoloft poison:

the whole day was horrific filled with inner terror/restlessness/anxiety and soul ache...., and DPDR.... BUT....

9:30 pm I went into the best window I have had since this withdrawal hell started... it is 3:30 am and even though I am sleepy I am staying up to enjoy every moment of this window. I am pretty sure tomorrow I ll suffer again during the day, but this window of few hours seems different... like a bit closer to how normal feels in terms of ALL WD symptoms ... Thank you God for this window.....

[JesusSavemefromWD]

After 5 months enduring Zoloft hell (7 weeks taking Zoloft and 15 weeks OFF Zoloft) and while being bedridden the first month OFF, housebound the second month OFF, and slowly getting out of the house for groceries and family dinning (even though to hard because of anxiety and inner terror) during the 3rd month, today 101 days OFF this poison I went to the gym for 45 mins. It wasn’t too difficult but not very easy either but I did it....just a small victory 

[Edmunds]

Good for you!

[Jennings]

Congrats!!

 

A nice window last night and now made it out to the gym.

 

This is great news.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

@Edmunds

@Jennings

 

thank u both... praying for me and both of you every night. Please let me know when I guys get ur small windows.....