whiteleaves: emotional numbness, sexual dysfunction and other symptoms

[whiteleaves]

Hi people. I’ve been roaming around here since about 2 weeks ago and I finally decided to make an account about 2 days ago to get some help. So let me tell you about how this started and where I am today. I started taking the antidepressant sertraline in at the start of 2015 or even maybe late 2014, I’m not quite sure and don’t know how to get my medical history but I should try and get it. I was almost 14. It was for anxiety and depression that came with it, which now I look back at was not that serious like a lot of people say. I took 50mg and along the timeline of just less than 2 years on it, I think it changed to 25mg once or twice. It might have started at 25. It didn’t work for me as I felt numb and would have had sexual dysfunction (still felt interested and had a bit of function. A bit of numbness and only the slightest bit of pleasure) but didn’t know at the time because I didn’t experiment that much. I stopped taking it and shortly after started on fluoxetine late 2016 I think, at 15 years old. Began at 10mg and felt ok and again not too sure on sexual function but not completely gone. I didn’t feel as emotionally numb. I still didn’t feel reallyhappy so after about a year, it went up to 20mg. This is when I felt really happy and stuck with it. I had the odd occasion where I couldn’t cry but I was fine. 

 

Now let’s get to more recent experiences. In May 2020 I turned 19 and started thinking about my sexuality deeply and thought about how I didn’t feel right. I couldn’t get proper pleasure but thought maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough. But, weirdly I was watching something and they said they couldn’t comebecause they were on antidepressants and that was all they said but that was enough tocatch me and I wanted to know more about that and I googled antidepressants and sexual side effects. I obviously read that they can cause you to have difficulty orgasming and have less sensation and it would go away if you stopped. So it made sense and I wanted to get off as soon as possible. I unfortunately read about how you can get off them and saw you shouldn’t have to taper at all with fluoxetine. So. I just stopped taking it on 18th June 2020, just over 4 months ago. I said Iwould go back on if I started to feel bad after a month but I felt pretty fine and just had a few side effects that I thought would get better quite quickly and not get worse. All of July I was feeling a bit worse but fine. August, I started to feel more numb and had stomach issues like loss of appetite, pains and diarrhoea. I thought this would just get better soon. I noticed during that month I did start to feel more sexual and thought I was soon to be healed. I would also get aroused out of the blue, it was kinda uncomfortable and I felt extra sensitive all around. Again I thought this was things getting back to normal and it would pass. And by late August I didn’t feel so emotionally numb too and was laughing more. September is when things got worse. Continuing stomach problems and crying and remembering feeling more anxiety that I hadn’t felt in years. I’ve lost about 6 pounds since then and I’m a slim person. So not happy. I would get the odd time I would get aroused randomly, but not bad. I still experience SD, or PSSD, but don’t know if even to call it that since I’m still going through withdrawal.

 

October- this is when it got really bad.Things started to get more intense. My eyes started to deteriorate. A bit of blurred vision and pain, mostly in my left eye which the pupil is always bigger. It would hurt more with more carbohydrate and unhealthy food, whichlead me to believe I might have diabetes but I was tested and I don’t have it apparently. I’ve heard that a large percentage of serotonin receptors are in your gut so it makes sense that certain foods would change the serotonin and cause me to feel different, but mostly my eye. My body is feeling very sensitive. My ears are more sensitive to sound, still having trouble eating, more and more unwanted arousal, but still sexually numb. It has started to hurt, and over the past week, like right now, it’s hurting even more. My whole body is hurting but mostly my nerves in my genitals and legs. I get shooting pains in my head, which started about a week and a half ago, which send pains into my body. I also get numb points, like in my face, back and legs. I get pains when touching these areas. The medication really seems to be wearing off now. I have also had a bit of brain fog for a few weeks, but now it’s strong since the head pains, along with emotional numbing. I’ve not sleep well at all for the past week which is making things a lot worse obviously. 

 

So I’ve been thinking about reinstating for a few weeks since things keep getting worse and not better. If it gets much worse I don’t think I’ll be able to cope. But could this get better with time? I have read about reinstating; mostly what Altostrata has said about it. So I looked at some medication that I still have left and they are capsules with powder, but I know it would still be possible to take a low dose of it. I don’t have scales for mg measurements but I would take a VERY tiny amount of it and would see how it would make me feel. It would definitely be less than a mg. On Saturday, I opened one tablet, tipped out the contents and left a reeeally tiny bit of it in there and thought about swallowing that. Half an hour passed and I said no. I didn’t want to go back and I thought maybe it’s a sign that I will get better with time. But I really need to know whether going back on now would be best or not because it might get too late. I’m very worried that it might not make things better and just hold things from getting worse if I reinstate, and I will have to deal with these symptoms for a long time. I don’t want things getting worse and then staying like that. Now I’m thinking it would be best to go back on. I just don’t know. Right now I don’t feel like the pain is unbearable but I really hurt. My brain and nerves are hurting as I type. I feel less anhedonia today and colours are quite bright. But I feel less like crying, since these head pains and body pains started getting worse about a week ago. Something seems to be shutting off.

Edited October 27, 2020 by whiteleaves

[ChessieCat]

Hello and welcome to SA,

 

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[whiteleaves]

Hi. I’ve filled out my drug signature. As I said in my introduction, I’m looking for advice on whether to reinstate my fluoxetine I recently cold turkied 4 months ago. I’ve been having withdrawals for almost 3 months and they are continuing to get worse. I think reinstating at a very lose dose and tapering slowing might be the best option. I’m unsure though.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, whiteleaves.

 

What effects do you feel from vitamin B12?

 

Before reinstating a tiny bit of fluoxetine, if I were you, I might try fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Magnesium is best taken in small doses throughout the day.

 

They tend to have very mild effects, but might calm your system enough to bring on some improvement.

 

[whiteleaves]

On 10/27/2020 at 5:40 PM, Altostrata said:

Welcome, whiteleaves.

 

What effects do you feel from vitamin B12?

 

Before reinstating a tiny bit of fluoxetine, if I were you, I might try fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Magnesium is best taken in small doses throughout the day.

 

They tend to have very mild effects, but might calm your system enough to bring on some improvement.

 

Hey. So I took fish oil for a few days and my mood has improved to the point where is feel like I’m back on an antidepressant and I feel hyperactive but my pains down below have seemed to have got worse so I’ve stopped it. It could be a coincidence but I’ll see how I feel in a few days without it for a bit. Vitamin b12 doesn’t seem to do anything but could be making me worse. 

I wanted to talk about my stomach issues too, because over the past week my appetite has been coming back really strong and I don’t have issues really at all. So, could this be a sign that I’ll recover quite quick because that’s connected to my nervous system. It is like I’ve gone back to about a month off fluoxetine symptom wise apart from the eye issues and nerve pain.

I’m going to look into vitamin C and D and magnesium and see how they effect me at low doses.

One question: If I wait another month, would I still be able to reinstate Fluoxetine? 

[Altostrata]

It sounds like you are experiencing natural recovery. This is a good sign.

 

If you take care of your nervous system, which is still in a vulnerable state, it's likely you'll continue to slowly recover without reinstating anything.

 

Be careful not to drink alcohol, stay up too late, or overdo anything. You might want to minimize sugar and caffeine, too. Be sure to get to bed and get up at regular hours, go out and get some natural light on your face, with at least 30 minutes of gentle exercise, such as walking, each day. This helps reset your body systems.

 

You probably will still experience some ups and downs as you recover. Do your best to stay calm and let us know how you're doing. If you get significantly worse over a series of days, that might be time to talk about very low-dose reinstatement.

 

How much fish oil were you taking? And vitamin B12? Did you take them together or separately? It could be either gave you a little boost in the right direction. Did you feel any effects shortly after taking either?

 

Did you also take magnesium?

[whiteleaves]

46 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

It sounds like you are experiencing natural recovery. This is a good sign.

 

If you take care of your nervous system, which is still in a vulnerable state, it's likely you'll continue to slowly recover without reinstating anything.

 

Be careful not to drink alcohol, stay up too late, or overdo anything. You might want to minimize sugar and caffeine, too. Be sure to get to bed and get up at regular hours, go out and get some natural light on your face, with at least 30 minutes of gentle exercise, such as walking, each day. This helps reset your body systems.

 

You probably will still experience some ups and downs as you recover. Do your best to stay calm and let us know how you're doing. If you get significantly worse over a series of days, that might be time to talk about very low-dose reinstatement.

 

How much fish oil were you taking? And vitamin B12? Did you take them together or separately? It could be either gave you a little boost in the right direction. Did you feel any effects shortly after taking either?

 

Did you also take magnesium?

 

Thanks for the reply. I took vB12 once a day randomly about 4 times this month on its own and didn’t really take note of how I felt unfortunately. I haven’t took magnesium. I took one fish oil tablet, with a tiny bit of vA and vD added in it, 500mg for 4 days in a row a few days ago and just stopped. Maybe this has given be a boost. I don’t drink alcohol and stopped excessive caffeine drinking about 2 months ago to help me recover. I usually sleep well but don’t get that much exercise because when I’m feeling bad I would rather relax. I have a bit of sugar as to not lose anymore weight but it’s not excessive.

[whiteleaves]

I’m going to update on how I’m doing and I want to discuss a few things. My mood has not been terrible and I’m feeling quite optimistic and relaxed and I’m managing to push away negative thoughts so I can recover better. I still do get a bit stressed out at times of course but I believe I’m not doing too bad. When I wake up, I usually feel really low but this goes after about an hour of being up and moving around. I’m still having nerve pain but I didn’t really expect it to just go after what I’ve read. I’ve been eating pretty well, eating some nuts, and fruits to get in nutrients and I plan to get more varieties that I can replace with things that don’t do me any good. I’m trying to cut down on pasta, white bread, sugar and lots of carbs. I have a little bit of dark chocolate and unhealthy food but not lots. I have noticed that after eating these though, straight away I will feel more brain fog and my eye will hurt so I can see how these are affecting me negatively. It’s clear I need to cut back even more.

I have a few questions. It’s been said that cutting back on sugar helps as sugar can negatively affect the nervous system. Fruit contains nutrients but also sugar. Should I cut out fruit completely and just take supplements so I can heal better? Or can I still eat fruit? If so, how much fruit daily would you recommend? Also, over all, how much sugar would you recommend to have daily? 

Thanks. 

[ChessieCat]

Fruit contains fibre, supplements do not.

 

Probably the most helpful thing to do would be to try different foods (only one new thing at a time) and keep a food diary to see how you respond to the things you eat/drink.  SA does not do dietary counselling.  However if you check out the Symptoms and self-care forum you might find some topics there where members have discussed diets and supplements.  But remember that everyone is different, in different situations and taking different things.  What works for one member may not work for you.

 

If you wish try searching for something specific, use a search engine and add site:survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.

 

SA suggests researching any new supplement BEFORE trying it.  It is best not to take a complex.  Only make one change at a time and start with a small amount to see how your respond.

 

the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable

[whiteleaves]

Hi. I need quite urgent help. This week I’ve been so bad, I haven’t posted. I’m forcing myself to do this. I’ve been having really bad brain fog, bloating and muscle stiffness on one side and it’s not eased up. I could deal with fatigue, dizziness and headaches but I can’t deal with the fact my body seems to be really affected. I thought my stomach was getting better but now I just have another horrible symptom. I know I’m not dehydrated too because I drink more than 2L a day.

 

I thought this was the way things were going to go because I just keep going down hill. Is this normal for things to get worse??

 

I was told to wait it out and see if I improve without reinstating but I’m not, I’m not even staying at base line. I think I’m putting more stress on my nervous system as it’s trying to cope without it. I could be wrong and this could get better but I can’t see that happening. I want to reinstate so I don’t get worse and I need know if it’s okay. I’ve already made up my suspension after reading properly how to do it. I read how long it will keep too; with the medication I used. I think I’ve done it correctly.

 

@Altostrata I would like your opinion since you might be the most experienced and you’ve talked with me more. I really think things are going to get worse if I don’t do something. Let me know what you think I should do please. I don’t want to wait any longer and maybe run out of time to “fix” things. 💙

[manymoretodays]

Hi whiteleaves,

We often see healing and recovery come in a: Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

And then, it appears that you having some changing symptoms as well.

Hopefully this won't make you feel worse to look at the symptom list here, or withdrawal symptoms:

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

WL, we also have a Symptoms and Self care section that you are welcome to browse, you'll see it from the Home page, or main page.

Generally too, you can search the site, from your main browser, just put in survivingantidepressants.org and then the symptom of concern

This will often help you find ways that other members have dealt with symptoms.

 

 

49 minutes ago, whiteleaves said:

I was told to wait it out and see if I improve without reinstating but I’m not, I’m not even staying at base line. I think I’m putting more stress on my nervous system as it’s trying to cope without it. I could be wrong and this could get better but I can’t see that happening. I want to reinstate so I don’t get worse and I need know if it’s okay. I’ve already made up my suspension after reading properly how to do it. I read how long it will keep too; with the medication I used. I think I’ve done it correctly.

 

And so you are now considering reinstating Prozac?

Medications: 2015- 2016 - Sertraline 25/50mg - Stopped CT

2016- 2017 - Fluoxetine 10mg 

2018- Mid June 2020 - Fluoxetine 20mg - Stopped CT

Supplements along the way: Fish oil, multivitamins, evening primrose (those for about a year while taking Sertraline) , SJW for 3 days late Sep 2020. Currently taking fish oil and occasionally VB12. 

 

I just pulled your signature up here, on your introduction to look at. 

And you stopped CT back in June, from a 20 mg dose of Prozac.

 

It does sound like you've found some of the links on your own, and forgive, if this seems redundant, but I will also add a couple other links here for you:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal syndrome

and at 4 and 1/2 months off now, my best idea would be to only reinstate with 0.5 mg now, or a maximum dose of 1 mg.  And then keep careful observations for 4-7 days or longer.  As Prozac has the long half life, you might not even notice much, in the way of improvement, until after a weeks trial. 

You might get some relief of symptoms.

Certainly, if you felt much worse on 0.5 mg- 1 mg, you would need to just stop the reinstatement.

It's good to be able to give daily reports here too, when reinstating. 

 

Tips for tapering off Prozac(fluoxetine)

more about Prozac and how to get smaller doses.

 

I just thought I'd address your last post whiteleaves, before I pop offline again, as I saw it.  Alto IS the best.  A busy person though, so be patient please.  And then we do encourage members to make their best, informed decisions too.

 

Oh, and I had wanted to ask about that SJW you tried in late September.  Did you react negatively to that?  I would never recommend that to someone in WD, but I just wondered.

 

And okay.  L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Edited November 8, 2020 by manymoretodays
? about SJW

[Altostrata]

On 10/28/2020 at 12:01 PM, Altostrata said:

If you get significantly worse over a series of days, that might be time to talk about very low-dose reinstatement.

 

You might want to try 0.5mg fluoxetine as a probe for reinstatement.

 

Fluoxetine is the drug you went off and is more likely to work, but it has a long half-life. It will take more than a week to see if it has a good effect. Please let us know how you're doing.

[whiteleaves]

Ok, thank you. I have a few questions though before I attempt to reinstate:

 

If I have an adverse reaction, would I notice straight away or could it be after a few doses?

If it doesn’t agree with me, do I taper off it and for how long?

How long is it likely to take before I stabilise?

 

[ChessieCat]

Please read Post #1 of this topic:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal syndrome

[Mia1]

I just read your thread and wanted to see how you are feeling?

[Altostrata]

@whiteleaves how are you doing?

[whiteleaves]

Hi guys. It’s been a while. Let me briefly go over how I’ve been for the past almost 4 months (I say briefly but it’s still going to be quite long because 4 months is a long time). 

 

I did not reinstate my Fluoxetine/Prozac because I had the feeling it was too late and it would make things worse for me. I decided at that point that I wanted a break from this website, although it is lovely and so supportive, I was becoming obsessed and worrying too much and tried to stop thinking about it and got on with my life. I started eating very healthy, being slightly more active (I’ve struggled with laziness my entire life so doing more would stress me out too much) and trying to find ways to relax and find joy. It unfortunately got to a point where I was being too strict. I was just eating a few foods for about a month and a half because I have a perfectionist and extreme personality but I managed get a hold of that at Christmas time and realised I wasn’t going to get better with that amount of stress on my body anyway, both mental and physical. I also accepted it wasn’t enough nutrition and my fears of food have gotten better. 

 

So. Update on my symptoms at about a few weeks away from it being 9 months since I cold turkied my medication (oh wow, that long?!): 

 

Pgad went away in December and has not returned! There might be a little bit of irritation still there that I’m not recognising but it’s definitely not distressing which I’m so happy about because I know a lot of people find it really upsetting, and I did. But if it didn’t go, or if it does come back, I would like to believe I would/will be strong enough to handle it.

Emotional numbness changes all the time which I think is a good sign that something is changing. I’m kind of aware of how healing works. I’m pretty hopeful about this getting better :). Why won’t it? Why should I think I’m doomed?! I do sometimes let negative thoughts come to my mind which I understand is normal. I get upset but then distract myself and it goes away and I’m getting on with my life. I’m quite proud of myself. I’m learning lots, working things out and have hope and faith I can get through this. So yea..... I’m grateful for the times I feel the serotonin coming through and I know it ain’t so bad. 

I’m still struggling with bloating and I’m trying to improve my gut health which is hard because of my relationship with food, but again, I’ll find a way. No point stressing and making things worse.

I have been dealing with dizziness since January which is quite distressing but I haven’t fainted and I just like to think it could be worse.

My vision has gotten slightly worse.

I can sleep for hours but sometimes I can have troubles getting to sleep because I do have anxiety but not insomnia. Maybe a mild case.

I’ve been having twitches that come and go since about a month ago and I would say this is my most worrying symptom because there’s obviously something quite wrong with my nervous system. It’s fine when I’m asleep and then I move and they’ll start. Most of the time it’s just my legs and arms but it can happen in my face sliiightly, and my lower back. 

Pssd is still here which you probably guessed when I said about the emotion. 

 

I’m not taking any supplements at the moment because I know people have reacted badly but I’m sure I will experiment in the future when the time is right. I’ll probably start with fish oil. 

 

I truly believe I can get better if I put effort in. I trust in God. I’m gonna ride this through. Well there’s no other option. 

I turn 20 at the beginning of May. Obviously the average 20 year old doesn’t have to deal with health issues like this so it can be hard relating to people. I haven’t really been seeing anyone anyway because of Covid 19 so we’ll see how that will go down in the future. Also, I don’t work which takes a lot stress off my life but I AM aware I will need to get a job soon, but hopefully my supportive parents will understand if it takes a while for me to get back on my feet. But the positive side of Covid is that there are a lot more jobs now that can be done at home available if it is that bad that I can’t deal with going out to work. Kinda excited to learn more and see what else this experience can do for me in positive way. I have had quite a few downs but I’m just gonna become stronger from them. Let me just say, I never wanted a boring life and dealing with these things are interesting for sure! 

 

Thank you guys for being so supportive; I feel welcome. Everyone here is so amazing and strong. I could go on. 

 

If anyone wants to message me, I would love to hear from you and create some friendships with people who understand and deserve lots of support, love and much more.

 

We’re in this together ❤️. 

[whiteleaves]

A short positive update . I’ve had an issue with my right big toe for a few months that I didn’t think about mentioning but now it’s relevant. It lost sensitivity but since a few days ago, I’ve noticed significant improvement. It’s good that this happened in a way because it shows me my body is capable of healing and it’s happened in a relatively short amount of time. I think I have slight improvement in the other areas too (back, face and legs). Wishing you all the best. WL. ❤️

[whiteleaves]

Today, the 18th, is the one year anniversary of stopping my antidepressant. I could say antidepressants because I took more than one (not at once) and I’m not going back to them :). I will post an update on how I’m doing in a few days. 💚 .

[DinaDina]

I'm looking forward your update ❤️

[getofflex]

Congratulations @whiteleavesfor getting off of antidepressants!  That is a major accomplishment.  I look forward to hearing your update.  

[whiteleaves]

Hey amazing people. I have been doing a lot better mentally since the beginning of March. I’ve worked through a lot of things like the trauma and anger of how could anyone could let this happen to me. I’ve still got a bit of ptsd and other things to work through but I think I’m on a good track and moving at a great rate. So my mental health is a lot better. Not as much fear and a bit happier :).

 

Physical symptoms are better too :). 

No twitching anymore. It calmed down after a few weeks and then faded away. 

Sexual dysfunction and issues with production of chemicals (I don’t know a lot of the science) are improving slightly. I think I will improve in that area over a few years. 

Numbness with skin has improved and is pretty much back to normal since about 2 months ago. 

Bloating has pretty much gone also. Mid May I would say I noticed I had improved a lot. 

Sleeping fine.

Noise and brain sensitivity is better.

Vision issues are a little bit better.

Dizziness has probably got a lot better than I’ve been thinking because it has been happening so little and often. Now I’m thinking back to March, I was quite a bit more dizzy. It’s not that bad at the moment. 

 

I don’t think I’ve got much else to say for this one. Sorry if I missed anything. I am grateful and trying to be even more so. 

 

Thank you guys for supporting me and I wish you peace always ❤️. 

[getofflex]

It's wonderful to hear of all the things that are improving for you.  I credit you for working through these issues without drugs.  It just goes to show that there are other ways besides chemicals for dealing with mental health issues.  Keep up the good work! It will continue to get even better as time goes on.