mva96: hello everyone - 6 months of escitalopram

[mva96]

Hi guys,

 

Figured i'd join this community for support and to support others.

 

For a bit of background I was prescribed Escitalopram for OCD in early March this year. (Tried regular citalopram first but it was gross and refused to take a second pill)

 

Worked my way up to 15mg of escitalopram by the fourth month. The whole time i was wary of being on them and wanted to get off sooner rather than later, always felt like they were bad news but was essentially out of options. Over this time period I worked extremely hard in therapy/ERP and made a lot of progress with my OCD in that time to the point where it was mostly under control. I was actually pretty happy. Month 5 i dropped down to 10mg. Noticed some mild symptoms (sweating, increased heart rate) but nothing major and they subsided quickly. A few weeks later i dropped down to 5mg. Definitely noticed some more intense symptoms this time, but still nothing that bad. I waited for a further 3 weeks before making the final jump to zero. Unsurprisingly this transition was when things got pretty bad. The first few days were fine, I actually laughed to myself and thought i'd got away with not having many withdrawals. 

 

You guessed it, i was wrong.

 

I'm about 7 weeks off now, my memory isn't great atm but from what i can recall the first month was extremely uncomfortable. I can only really describe it as intense emotional pain/anxiety sort of burning inside my chest coupled with racing thoughts. I was extremely irritable, to the point of rage, had very broken sleep, vivid dreams, wild mood swings, sweats, very deep depression. I think around week 5 i had a sort of baby window where for 2 days i felt pretty good. Was stupid enough to drink on that night and woke up back in the pit (if not worse than it was before). I'm currently just over 7 weeks off, the rage has been replaced with  irritability, my sleep has somewhat improved, however i'm far from recovered. Still experience very intense emotions (mainly depression, anxiety, anger and sadness), moments of overwhelming impending doom, brainfog, paranoia. There's more but i'm sure you get the point.

 

Anyway, i'm aware i've tapered off far quicker than I should have done. But given all i've been through i'm reluctant to put that stuff back in my body. I'd rather just take the pain. I'm lucky enough to be in a position where i don't have much responsibility right now, however i obviously want to get back to living my life as this past year has been hell with the OCD and then w/d. Hoping given the relatively short time period i was on them for it won't last too long. However 6 months on the drug, i wouldn't be surprised if i need 6 months to recover, maybe more but hopefully not.

 

So yeah, i'm here for the ride with you guys. I know how isolating of an experience it is. My family don't really believe that i'm still withdrawing nearly two months later.

 

 

Edited October 28, 2020 by Gridley

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, mva96.

 

To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.  Please include the dates of each of your reductions of the Lexapro.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Lexapro is the strongest SSRI on the market, and the greatest potency is at the lower doses, 10mg and below, getting more potent as you go lower.  This would explain why you may have "gotten away with" fast tapering at the higher doses, but then it caught up with you as you went further down.  Also, withdrawal symptoms can be delayed, and some of the earlier reductions may have manifested later on.  It is to your advantage that you were on the drug a relatively short time, but there is no absolute correlation between time on the drug and length of withdrawal.  Unfortunately, there's no way to predict how long withdrawal will last.  

 

So that you have a better idea what you're experiencing, here is some information on withdrawal and the healing process. The symptoms you describe are typical withdrawal symptoms.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well.

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

You've said you don't want to put the drug back in your system, and that's of course your decision.  Just for your information, reinstatement of a very small dose of the original drug is the only known way to help alleviate withdrawal syndrome.  The only other alternative is to try and wait out the symptoms and manage as best you can until your central nervous system returns to homeostasis.  Unfortunately, as I said,  no one can give you an exact timeline as to when you will start feeling better and while some do recover relatively easily, for others it can take many months or longer.  

 

Reinstatement isn't a guarantee of diminished symptoms for everyone but it's the best tactic available.  At 7 weeks out you're still in the time period where reinstatement predictably works, up to 3 months after last dose.  It is best to reinstate as soon as possible after withdrawal symptoms occur. We usually suggest a much smaller reinstatement dose than your last dose.   Please read:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

If you change your mind, please let us know and we can can suggest a very small reinstatement dose.  Please don't reinstate without letting us suggest a dose.

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Get supplements that ae single ingredient (not mixed with other types of supplements).

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can complete your drug signature, ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[mva96]

Small Update - Feel last the past week i may have turned a corner. I'm still very much having withdrawals, however the brain fog, intense anxiety and agitation have all backed off. I've found it easier to laugh. Sense of impending doom is still around, as well as some apathy/ slight irritability and occasional heart palpitations. Definitely still have a way to go but it feels like the really painful constant suffering part of this is coming to an end. Time to power through the depressive part!

[mva96]

Hi again. not been a great week. Still having waves of intense pending doom, heart palpitations, depression and DPDR and some crying spells. Find it hard to be around people. My sleep had massivley improved but as of late the insomnia, vivd dreams and broken sleep are back, however fortunately in a milder form than when i first came off. Had one day of intense head pressure, blurry vision and mild vertigo. WD is such a strange feeling, your mind state is constantly changing, and the terrible memory makes it hard to remember what things used to be/are meant to be like.

 

Despite all this i am still hopeful and am holding onto hope of a better life.

 

 

[mva96]

Seeing some mild improvements. Intense impending doom isn't as bad anymore. DPDR seems to have improved a bit. Less anxious. Not sure if this is a window of just slow gradual improvement. Still experiencing - Low mood, irritable, feeling disconnected

[mva96]

Past week has been tough. Had a huge wave of very, very severe depression. It has calmed down now and i'm back to the usual feelings of impending doom and dpdr. Also, i have found a low dose of 5HTP completely eliminates the DPDR, impending doom and low mood. However i'm fairly reluctant to take it for fear that it will just postpone the healing process.

[mva96]

Coming up on 3 months off this Tuesday. Improvements are becoming really noticeable now. The intensity of every symptom has lessened quite alot. I'm definitely not recovered but its becoming more and more tolerable. What i'm mostly dealing with at the minute is: Slightly broken sleep (much better than it was), quite irritable, a baseline low mood, moods are very fragile and can easily change from happy to angry etc, DR, general feeling of disconnectedness.

 

Things seem to be looking up on the whole which is great.

[ChessieCat]

You might find Magnesium helpful for the irritability.  Start with a small amount first to see how you respond.  I find that magnesium takes the edge off my anxiety/irritability.   Several times when I stopped and then restarted it I have noticed a difference each time.

 

You might also find Omega-3 Fish Oil helps.  You would start this after you have been on magnesium for a little while.

 

These are the only 2 supplements which SA recommends.

 

the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable

 

I suggest you check out the various sub-topic linked in Post #1 of this topic:

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

SA also suggests not consuming alcohol during recovery.  And if in a few years you do decide to introduce some alcohol only try a small amount to see how you respond:

 

alcohol-and-beer

 

SA also encourages members to use

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

There are many topics on SA, including discussion by members of the various symptoms they experience.  Use a search engine and add site:survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.

[mva96]

On 11/29/2020 at 9:22 PM, ChessieCat said:

You might find Magnesium helpful for the irritability.  Start with a small amount first to see how you respond.  I find that magnesium takes the edge off my anxiety/irritability.   Several times when I stopped and then restarted it I have noticed a difference each time.

 

You might also find Omega-3 Fish Oil helps.  You would start this after you have been on magnesium for a little while.

 

These are the only 2 supplements which SA recommends.

 

the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable

 

I suggest you check out the various sub-topic linked in Post #1 of this topic:

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

SA also suggests not consuming alcohol during recovery.  And if in a few years you do decide to introduce some alcohol only try a small amount to see how you respond:

 

alcohol-and-beer

 

SA also encourages members to use

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

There are many topics on SA, including discussion by members of the various symptoms they experience.  Use a search engine and add site:survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.

Thanks Chessie,

 

I've tried magnesium in the past, can't say it made a great difference. Fish oil makes me feel wired so that ones a no go too. It's definitely all improving quite nicely (albeit slowly) so I think patience and general self care is the key here! 

I've completely quit alcohol now having battled with dependency on it for years. 

 

I'l drop back in a month or so to post another update

[ChessieCat]

There are many existing topics on SA.  We like to keep similar topics in one place so that it is easier for members to find the discussion about it.  Before creating a new topic please do a search to see if one already exists.  Use a search engine and add site:survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.

 

I've moved your post to the existing topic:

 

gastrointestinal-issues-small-intestinal-overgrowth-syndromes-sibo-sifo

 

[mva96]

Hey guys, has been a strange few weeks. Things have been really all over the place emotionally. My sleep has continued to improve which is great. I sleep well throughout the nights now, however when a wave hits it often gets disrupted for a few days. I can definitely see progress, but as we all know too well, it is at times - painfully slow. I currently find myself feeling pretty melancholy and sad. Yesterday was extreme brainfog and a bit dead inside. However overall i have had an increasing amount of good 'moments' not full days, but periods where i'm out and about and things don't seem too bad. I've noticed i have these periods when things almost feel 'back to normal' (whatever normal is) but simultaniously i feel extremely sensitive.

 

Either way, the overall trajectory seems good, this journey has been horrible so far, but i'm feeling extremely grateful for this site - i know for a fact i would be back on lexapro by now if hadn't discovered it.

 

Merry christmas/happy new year to everyone on SA, lets hope the next years a bit better for us all

 

 

[Kingfisher86]

9 hours ago, mva96 said:

i know for a fact i would be back on lexapro by now if hadn't discovered it.

This is true for me too. It is a scary thought, so I am too just being grateful for SA.

 

Glad you can see improvements along the way. Very encouraging!

[mva96]

Seem to be in a cloudy window today. I don't feel great, but the intensity of symptoms feels less. Probably still have a long way to go but il take this as a flicker of hope.

[Kingfisher86]

Hi @mva96

 

5 hours ago, mva96 said:

cloudy window today

This is a good description of how I feel too at the moment. The worst of 2 week wave has passed for me. Now I feel ok-ish but I do have to work for it a little bit more then I would’ve liked too. 

 

5 hours ago, mva96 said:

il take this as a flicker of hope.

In my personal experiance cloudy window is usually intro to a longer window☀️I really hope that would be a case for you too. But no matter what happens, I am always grateful for a cloudy window itself😅

[xero]

10 hours ago, mva96 said:

Seem to be in a cloudy window today. I don't feel great, but the intensity of symptoms feels less. Probably still have a long way to go but il take this as a flicker of hope.

just found your post. i hope you improve quicker by the day. This site sure has helped a ton in just feeling less alone. I only did an AD and an anti histamine for 19 days the went CT because of side effects. and im on day 51 of being off them. I feel very strange and was left w/ very bizarre vision issues no specialist or MRI can explain and i'm in deep despair some days. Been changing diet and other habits and taking some supplements here and there but its tough. I'll be keeping up w/ this thread because i feel like we all need each other in this journey of taking our bodies back. 

[mva96]

Hey @Kingfisher86🙂

 

Good to hear your wave has been slowly improving too. Yeah hopefully it turns into a full window, havent had one of those in a while!

 

Try not to stress yourself too much at work!

[mva96]

Seem to have had a negative reaction to vitamin D. Has massively increased that 'buzzing' in my head and i feel wired/restless, felt somewhat ok (for WD) beforehand. Noticed a similar reaction to fish oil which is also high in vitamin D. Will be steering clear of supplements for a while.

[AlanC]

hello mva96

 

I saw your post on my thread and thought I’d reply here.

 

It looks like you’re doing pretty well after that fast taper off Escitalopram and I really hope you’re rid of all the remaining symptoms soon. I did something similar the first time I was put on an SSRI (Paroxetine) way back before any of this was generally understood and I got away with it. The fact that you weren’t on the Escitalopram for very long and that it’s the first time you’ve been on one of these drugs are likely both in your favour.

 

The thing to watch out for is that occasionally the whole process can suddenly go bad. It typically happens somewhere around three months after stopping: you go to bed one night feeling fine, next day you wake up in a hell that never goes away. If you’re unlucky and anything of that sort happens (and I really hope it doesn’t) then it’s time to consider reinstatement at a very low dose as Gridley suggested, because that should help relieve the symptoms and because the chances of it working decrease the longer you leave it. I didn’t know any of this, had been on Escitalopram and then Citalopram for a total of 14 years, and found this site far too late, so now I’m stuck with protracted withdrawal syndrome. It’s why I don’t post here much anymore: people need hope, not me hanging around like the albatross of doom.  😉 

 

So keep up the good work and (quick reference to Jeff Noon’s Vurt) as The Game Cat says: “Be careful. Be very, very careful.”

[mva96]

Hi @AlanC, 

 

Cheers for stopping by my post, appreciate your advice a lot. It's a tough one. It's been awful since the start, and whilst some things have gotten better others have gotten worse. All the symptoms seemingly cycle around, with some disappearing and being replaced with others etc. Its an incredibly confusing experience, and is massively compounded by the fact i have OCD which makes me doubt more or less everything. 

 

Regardless, its very hard but just about tolerable at the moment. I'd be lying if i said reinstatement hadn't crossed my mind. Have seen a lot of people have bad reactions, im 4.1 months out now.

 

But if it gets a lot worse i'll seriously consider it. 

 

Keep in touch, i'll stop by your post to see how things are coming along. Hopefully you won't have to be the albatross of doom for too much longer 😅

 

 

[Humanist56]

@mva96your posts and the way you keep everything in perspective is encouraging to me. You stress the positives and don’t seem to get caught up in every set back or cycle. I think that serves you well and it’s what I’m trying to do. 
 

Best wishes 

 

Humanist 

[mva96]

Thanks @Humanist56, appreciate you stopping by.

 

I must admit, if you saw me in person you may not see quite as positive of a person as i may seem on here 😅  but trying to keep improvement in mind is definitely useful. Things are still very difficult as of late. Hope you are seeing steady improvements on your end

[mva96]

@Gridley Im over 4 months out now, if i were to try a very small reinstatement what do you think would be appropriate? 0,5mg?

[Gridley]

2 hours ago, mva96 said:

0,5mg?

To start, please read the following:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

0.5 would likely be a good tester dose to see how it works.  If you feel worse, stop the reinstatement immediately.

 

It takes 4 days for the reinstatement  to reach full strength in your blood stream and a few days more to register in the brain.  Give it time to work.  Be patient.  Please resist any urge to take more.  Reinstatement is one of those situations where more is not better.

 

It's a good idea to keep daily notes on paper to track your symptoms.

 

[mva96]

Ok thanks @Gridley, i'l need to get another prescription and syringes. 

 

Think i will try a small reinstatement and watch closely.

 

Will keep you guys updated

 

 

[Gridley]

7 minutes ago, mva96 said:

watch closely.

 

One other thing to keep in mind as you track your progress is that the purpose of reinstatement isn't to eliminate withdrawal symptoms (though it does for some) but rather to make them tolerable.

 

Please keep us updated.

[mva96]

Yeah i understand, will likely sit at the reinstated dose for quite a while (providing it works).

[mva96]

@GridleyI was just wondering how you tapered off lexapro?

 

part of me wants to make my own liquid but im quite concerned about the reliability of this. did you crush your pills up?

[Gridley]

47 minutes ago, mva96 said:

did you crush your pills up?

Yes.  I crushed my pills between two spoons and measured the fine powder using the Gemini-20 digital scale available on Amazon.  I used a small spoon with a long handle (probably on the same Amazon page) to dip powder in or out to get the weight I needed.  Tweezers would also work.  Then I poured the powder into a size 00 gelatin capsule.  Making your own liquid seems to to be the favored method here but I was more comfortable with weighing powder.  

 

I used the Brassmonkey slide taper, which is a bit more gentle than the straight 10% method.

 

The Brassmonkey Slide Method of Micro-tapering

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[mva96]

@Gridley

 

Ok great thanks. I'm going to try and get a liquid version of escitalopram prescribed and if i cant get that then il likely use the scale method. I only used pills beforehand however, do you think that will matter regarding the reinstatement? It's been 4.25 months since a dose so id imagine not but would be interested to hear you/others opinions

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, mva96 said:

t's been 4.25 months since a dose so id imagine not

I would think at this point 4+ months out, it won't make any difference which method you use.

[mva96]

@Gridleyagreed, thanks again for your help!

[mva96]

I've decided not to reinstate, hopefully this isn't something i regret. I clearly remember the brand of escitalopram i got over the 6 months i used changing every time i got it, which makes the idea of making a liquid or trimming pills concerning due to to inconsistency in brands.

 

I've been fortunate enough to come out of the last wave, which lasted about 3 weeks and was fairly brutal. These past few days i have felt fairly at peace. Not necessarily good, but a significant improvement over the last few weeks.

 

Going to enjoy this short break and try to prepare myself for the next wave... eek.

[mva96]

Adding a note mainly for myself here. Still in the window. It is not perfect, still quite low mood and out of it but still a welcome break.

[mva96]

Seem to be having a flare up of agitation/inner restlessness. Definitely one of my least favourite symptoms... Feels like this sort of burning agitation inside of me that makes me feel very hostile and agressive. Trying to avoid family members for everyones sake

[Kingfisher86]

@mva96I am sorry to hear that. Hoping it dosen’t stick for long.

 

Is there anything that helps you with that symptom?

 

 

[mva96]

Hey @Kingfisher86

 

I'm about to head out for a walk to see if that help. It usually just stays there until its decides to fade on its own. How are you?