Sparrow: trouble w/multiple drug withdrawals

[Sparrow]

LINK shelf-life-of-benzos-sparrow

 

Hello. I'm new here and haven't yet done an introduction, this is my first post. Some of you may "recognize" me as my ID is the same as that I use on BenzoBuddies.

 

I have a very long and complicated history of being polydrugged. Currently I am tapering Klonopin, and I'm stuck, confused, and scared about how to proceed. I will copy and paste what I posted this morning on BB and hope to get a fuller response here from those who have dealt with multiple medication tapers:

 

I am fully six months into a Klonopin (0.5mg) taper and have reduced my dose by 80% during that time. Currently at 0.1mg and using 100-ml milk titration.

 

Due to coming off several other psych meds in the past 2-3 years, as well as a couple of failed Klonopin tapers, I have been in a constant state of severe withdrawal the whole time. There is no stabilization or anything remotely resembling it for me, ever. I am almost completely housebound, and much of the time my agoraphobia or whatever the hell it is, is so bad I don't come out of my bedroom. Totally not functioning. As bad as it's been, it's getting worse. I tried slowing my taper. I tried updosing slightly. I tried holding for a couple of weeks. Nothing makes any difference. I never "stabilize," never get to point where I feel even a tiny bit better. I'm very, very frightened at this point and so confused I can hardly think or type.

 

Do I keep tapering? If so, at what rate? Or should I hold longer? Updose more? Surrender my soul, reinstate at a full dose (whatever that might be), and forget about trying to get off the stuff at all? (Yes, I know, kindling etc.) I feel like I just cannot deal with this crap anymore and I'm almost sorry I ever started the process. I wasn't doing very well on the drugs but it wasn't like THIS.

 

Just no idea what to do from this point. I would be most grateful for some input. I'm really afraid of continuing on like this with no relief and the worst (acute withdrawal after stopping) still to come.

 

Thank you so much. Sparrow

 

History:

On Klonopin since 2004, 0.5 - 1.0 mg daily PRN.

Three failed (too rapid) tapers, 2010 - 2011.

Began slow liquid titration from 0.5 mg on Dec. 1, 2011.

Currently (6 months in) at 0.1mg

Worst issues: agoraphobia, apathy, anhedonia.

(Also got off Trazodone, Pristiq, Lamictal, Dextroamphetamine, and Seroquel during 2009-2011;

reduced Lexapro 50% in 2011, still taking 10mg/day)

Not functioning

 

Edited January 7, 2019 by ChessieCat
link

[annej]

Hello. I'm new here and haven't yet done an introduction, this is my first post. Some of you may "recognize" me as my ID is the same as that I use on BenzoBuddies.

 

I have a very long and complicated history of being polydrugged. Currently I am tapering Klonopin, and I'm stuck, confused, and scared about how to proceed. I will copy and paste what I posted this morning on BB and hope to get a fuller response here from those who have dealt with multiple medication tapers:

 

I am fully six months into a Klonopin (0.5mg) taper and have reduced my dose by 80% during that time. Currently at 0.1mg and using 100-ml milk titration.

 

Due to coming off several other psych meds in the past 2-3 years, as well as a couple of failed Klonopin tapers, I have been in a constant state of severe withdrawal the whole time. There is no stabilization or anything remotely resembling it for me, ever. I am almost completely housebound, and much of the time my agoraphobia or whatever the hell it is, is so bad I don't come out of my bedroom. Totally not functioning. As bad as it's been, it's getting worse. I tried slowing my taper. I tried updosing slightly. I tried holding for a couple of weeks. Nothing makes any difference. I never "stabilize," never get to point where I feel even a tiny bit better. I'm very, very frightened at this point and so confused I can hardly think or type.

 

Do I keep tapering? If so, at what rate? Or should I hold longer? Updose more? Surrender my soul, reinstate at a full dose (whatever that might be), and forget about trying to get off the stuff at all? (Yes, I know, kindling etc.) I feel like I just cannot deal with this crap anymore and I'm almost sorry I ever started the process. I wasn't doing very well on the drugs but it wasn't like THIS.

 

Just no idea what to do from this point. I would be most grateful for some input. I'm really afraid of continuing on like this with no relief and the worst (acute withdrawal after stopping) still to come.

 

Thank you so much. Sparrow

 

History:

On Klonopin since 2004, 0.5 - 1.0 mg daily PRN.

Three failed (too rapid) tapers, 2010 - 2011.

Began slow liquid titration from 0.5 mg on Dec. 1, 2011.

Currently (6 months in) at 0.1mg

Worst issues: agoraphobia, apathy, anhedonia.

(Also got off Trazodone, Pristiq, Lamictal, Dextroamphetamine, and Seroquel during 2009-2011;

reduced Lexapro 50% in 2011, still taking 10mg/day)

Not functioning

 

Dear Sparrow,

 

Our histories are very similar except for length of time. I am familiar with your name from the benzo board.

 

Polydrugged people face different challenges than those coming off of a sole agent. I think your questions are very wise and I wish that I had asked them prior to tapering off of Klonopin and my 90+ day experience of being off of it. I became 100% dysfunctional getting off of it and all my previous withdrawn meds (cold turkeys, rapid tapers, etc) unleashed their torment. This does not mean that this will happen to you by any means, but you are already questioning the risk and I think this is good to question. I became 100% dysfunctional.

 

I cannot counsel, but I can support your decision to continue to ask questions. I wish I would have known then, what I know now. The benzo board I belonged has one mission - to help those who want to get off of benzos to learn how to taper off. Polydrugged cases are not really dealt with in any meaningful way. I wish I would have started my journey on this site from the get go.

 

I believe I became indoctrinated by the benzo board and kept "hanging on" despite horrific symptoms. Everything I posted was met with, "You are doing great. Keep hanging on!" I was not doing great by any means and was knocking on death's doorstep. The longer I kept off the drug, the more fearful I became of reinstating because of so many stories about reinstating not working. I could have ended my life. I reinstated. I am functional so far. I hate the Klonopin and the sedation, fatigue, and depression, but I am alive and have just enough hope that as time passes and the longer I am away from my last dose of Adderral, Pristiq/Lexapro/Cymbalta/Effexor, etc,/Lithium/Seroquel/Depakote (to name a few) the more my CNS will heal.

 

Keep on asking questions, Sparrow. Rhi and Alto are very, very wise people. Many hugs, Annej

 

P.S. Kindling is a theory at this point. Please keep this in mind.

[Altostrata]

Hi, Sparrow. Welcome. I moved your first post here as your Intro topic.

 

Given that you're off so many drugs, it's hard to say what's causing your symptoms.

 

If you hold on your benzo taper, do you feel any differently at all?

[Nikki]

Hi Sparrow...

 

I am sorry I can't advise you on your taper. I was agoraphobic for a short while in 1996 and took Pamelor. There is a book by New Harbinger Publications The Anxiety/Agoraphobia Workbook. There is one for depression too.

 

It was so helpful. Check it out on Amazon.com. I feel bad for people who are given so many drugs and angry at the physicians who prescribe them.

 

You have two support groups behind you now with lots of people who were or are still in your boat.

 

I have found Magnesium to be helpful with anxiety. The Beta Blocke Propanol is helpful too and non-addictive.

 

Keep posting, there are people here who can offer their experiences to you.

 

Nikki

[Sparrow]

Alto, I just finished a two-week hold which did not help, and resumed tapering because I just don't know what else to do. Perhaps I should have held for a longer period. At this point I'm thinking it simply doesn't matter what approach I take -- too many years on too many drugs leading to too many withdrawals in too short a time. I had hoped to get off the Lexapro as well, but that seems unrealistic now.

 

An aside: thank you for having such a calm, quiet, easy-to-look-at forum design. The absence of moving avatars and blinking flashing dancing smiley-faces is wonderful.

 

Sparrow

[Altostrata]

Sparrow, if holding doesn't make you worse, if I were you I might take a break from tapering. There's no shame in going more slowly.

 

You need to give your nervous system a chance to stabilize. If you keep on changing the chemicals that have such a powerful effect on it, it can't stabilize.

 

Can you explain more about how you experience the agoraphobia?

[Sparrow]

I use the term "agoraphobia" for lack of a better one, although what I experience does not really match up well with the DSM description. (Which is fine, because the DSM is utter BS and I no longer accept any psychiatric labeling.)

 

It's a combination of sensory hypersensitivity, constant anxiety (w/out panic attacks), lack of physical energy, severe cognitive "fog", and an overwhelming and total lack of interest in everything. If I'm in my safe spot, where I can control the amount of light and sound and exposure to...well, life...I'm a little more comfortable -- except then the self-flagellating really ramps up. Like, why can't I just sit and do nothing in my living room? Why do I have to actually be lying down in a bed? Is it the withdrawal(s) or am I willfully engaging in severely avoidant behavior? Why does the sight of blue sky and shining sun make me want to cry? Why is it still like this after so much time? Why can't I care about anything? Sometimes I really miss the dextroamphetamine (that's essentially Adderall. Actually it's 100% pure speed). The agoraphobia/isolating got much worse after I stopped it last year. Horrible, nasty stuff, but it gave me a few hours every day where I felt great and motivated and loved everybody.

 

I should mention here that like so many others, I got shunted off to a psychiatrist when what I needed was treatment for endocrine/hormonal issues. I walked into the office already taking Trazodone, Klonopin, and Pristiq...then the idiot doped me up with amphetamines, Lamictal, Seroquel, etc... okay, can't get into the anger issues right now but let me tell you I am a volcano of anger and bitterness at the senselessness of what's happened to me.

 

Not even sure I've answered your question, but this seems like a good place to stop.

 

Sparrow

[Barbarannamated]

 

It's a combination of sensory hypersensitivity, constant anxiety (w/out panic attacks), lack of physical energy, severe cognitive "fog", and an overwhelming and total lack of interest in everything. If I'm in my safe spot, where I can control the amount of light and sound and exposure to...well, life...I'm a little more comfortable -- except then the self-flagellating really ramps up. Like, why can't I just sit and do nothing in my living room? Why do I have to actually be lying down in a bed? Is it the withdrawal(s) or am I willfully engaging in severely avoidant behavior? Why does the sight of blue sky and shining sun make me want to cry? Why is it still like this after so much time? Why can't I care about anything? Sometimes I really miss the dextroamphetamine (that's essentially Adderall. Actually it's 100% pure speed). The agoraphobia/isolating got much worse after I stopped it last year. Horrible, nasty stuff, but it gave me a few hours every day where I felt great and motivated and loved everybody.

 

Sparrow,

That description is so accurate is hurts. Substitute Vyvanse. It gave me a window of opportunity - interest in something, anything - to get me out of the house.

I keep editing... I dont really have the hypersensitivity and anxiety, but not being able to sitting up in living room. This predates withdrawal,though. I've purchased 4 new living room sets or couches in past 6 years. Two are still on the porch. Jeff Foxworthy would have a fieldday at my place. Husband and I both in drugs for 18+ years -same regimen: SSRI, benzos, stimulants. He skipped the antipsychotics.

And anger issues... oh boy. They're paralyzing at times. I have to check out.

 

Im sorry I cant offer anything except the above right now.

 

Anniej... would you explain your comment on kindling? Thanks.

B

[annej]

Believe the term kindling is an accepted phenomenon with respect to multiple relapses with alcohol abuse. There is a lot of Internet talk about The Kindling Effect with respect to multiple cold turkeys/rapid tapers with benzos. The premise being that this predisposes a person to protracted Benzo withdrawal syndrome (defined as anything beyond 18 months (Ashton). There are no scientific studies on the so-called Kindling effect with respect to benzos. There are scientific papers concerning alcohol withdrawal and kindling, but I cannot find any scientific reference to this phenomenon with respect to benzos only anecdote. There is a wiki reference, but I don't count wiki as scientific.

 

With respect to benzos this is Internet theory with no studies. It may have some anecdotal foundation, but there is nothing to my knowledge

[Altostrata]

Kindling is equivalent to the withdrawal-induced hypersensitivity to stimuli we talk about here.

 

Sparrow, it sounds to me like you are hypersensitive to light (as well as other stimuli). Cutting down light stimulation may help you, see Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

[Barbarannamated]

I had heard of kindling with respect to manic episodes... "if they are not medicated, they will kindle and increase in frequency". One guess where that originated.

[Rhiannon]

I had heard of kindling with respect to manic episodes... "if they are not medicated, they will kindle and increase in frequency". One guess where that originated.

 

uh...um...let me think...some genius with absolutely no connection what$oever to Big Pharma?

[Rhiannon]

I use the term "agoraphobia" for lack of a better one, although what I experience does not really match up well with the DSM description. (Which is fine, because the DSM is utter BS and I no longer accept any psychiatric labeling.)

 

It's a combination of sensory hypersensitivity, constant anxiety (w/out panic attacks), lack of physical energy, severe cognitive "fog", and an overwhelming and total lack of interest in everything. If I'm in my safe spot, where I can control the amount of light and sound and exposure to...well, life...I'm a little more comfortable -- except then the self-flagellating really ramps up. Like, why can't I just sit and do nothing in my living room? Why do I have to actually be lying down in a bed? Is it the withdrawal(s) or am I willfully engaging in severely avoidant behavior? Why does the sight of blue sky and shining sun make me want to cry? Why is it still like this after so much time? Why can't I care about anything? Sometimes I really miss the dextroamphetamine (that's essentially Adderall. Actually it's 100% pure speed). The agoraphobia/isolating got much worse after I stopped it last year. Horrible, nasty stuff, but it gave me a few hours every day where I felt great and motivated and loved everybody.

 

I should mention here that like so many others, I got shunted off to a psychiatrist when what I needed was treatment for endocrine/hormonal issues. I walked into the office already taking Trazodone, Klonopin, and Pristiq...then the idiot doped me up with amphetamines, Lamictal, Seroquel, etc... okay, can't get into the anger issues right now but let me tell you I am a volcano of anger and bitterness at the senselessness of what's happened to me.

 

Not even sure I've answered your question, but this seems like a good place to stop.

 

Sparrow

 

Sparrow, first: I know it's very hard to control the self-flagellation thing, because I think it's another withdrawal symptom, but to whatever extent you can cut yourself some slack, everything you describe is normal for a destabilized and hypersensitized nervous system. Everything you describe I have experienced and so have countless others.

 

80% in six months is NOT a slow taper. Not the kind of slow taper someone with your kind of history needs. (polydrugged for years, switched from med to med multiple times, history of past CT or too-fast tapers, has just come off a bunch of other meds, etc.)

 

It sounds like your CNS has been destabilized and kind of biochemically chaotic for a while now.

 

Two weeks is barely even a hold, let alone a long one. For example, a long hold for me is six weeks, and I'm already stable and doing an extremely slow taper.

 

So I would say that you may want to consider exploring the possibility of stopping your tapering for a while--a realistic "while" being six months, maybe longer.

 

Have you tried updosing in the past? Has it helped? Klonopin (well, all benzos) can be kind of unpredictable with reinstatement and updosing. It's about a 60/40 crapshoot.

 

If you've had bad experiences with updosing in the past then your best bet might be to just hold hold hold and change NOTHING for a while. If you haven't tried updosing you might consider a small updose--say 0.025 to 0.05 mg (note the position of the decimal there) and see if it helps at all or hurts. You may want to consider actually titrating your dose slowly UP at small increments like that, every two weeks or so, until you're up to about 0.2 or 0.25 (again, note decimal). Stop if things get worse. Wait long enough between changes that you can really tell if it's getting worse or not. (Two weeks at least in your case.)

 

If you have to updose on the Klonopin and it helps, then do it. It's not surrender. It's pacing. You can taper off it later when you're stronger and more stable. There's a lot of space between "all" and "nothing."

 

Keep a daily journal ranking your symptoms on a scale of 1 to 5. This is important. Take my word for it, I don't have time for the full explanation now, although I think it's elsewhere in this forum.

 

At this point it's hard to predict what will help and what will hurt, because your CNS is so destabilized. I usually go with "hands off and see how much you can heal if allowed some time and space."

 

Usually my approach at this point would be what I've said: either stop and hold for six months at least, maybe longer; or try a careful slow stepwise updose and see if you get some improvement, then stop there, and hold for six months at least.

 

The idea at this point is to see if your CNS can find homeostasis on its own. Further meds will only disrupt that process. But a slight reinstatement, if you've tapered fast, might give a little support. (Or not. It's hard to predict.) Don't expect miracles. This is going to take some time no matter what. The less you perturb the system the better.

 

Take your time. This is your life. There are no easy answers. Love yourself and take your time.

[Sparrow]

Thanks, Rhi, I was hoping you'd stop by.

 

You make some very excellent points. I think I'm only now realizing the full extent of the trauma my CNS has been (and continues to go) through. There are so many strands in this knot, and benzo withdrawal is only one of them. I was a mess before I even got started on the K taper.

 

I fired the psychiatrist who propelled me into this nightmare over a year ago and asked my PCP to take over prescribing the Klonopin. She did so, but very reluctantly. Fortunately I never used all my rx each month and just kept refilling anyway, so I have a sufficient quantity for some time, assuming they remain potent for a while. The one thing I will not do, not now, not ever again, is go to a psychiatrist. This taper can last only so long as my current supply does.

 

Fear. I'm just afraid that even if I attempt a longer hold and/or significant updose, it won't make any difference. Maybe I'm so far gone that it's unreasonable to view stabilization as a possibility. whatifwhatifwhatif. God I'm sick of this hamster wheel.

 

BTW, I think you are absolutely dead-on with tapering your cocktail all together over an extended period. (And belated congrats on bidding farewell to Neurontin!) What I wouldn't give to turn back the clock and be able to start over doing just that.

 

can't type anymore...thanks so much for responding.

Sparrow

[Barbarannamated]

Hey Sparrow. How are you doing?

 

I just tried to sit for awhile in the living room and had to return to bedroom to lay down. I don't know what that is about, but recall you describing it so well. I had to pop in and say hi. I hope youre doing a little better.

 

This is scary.

[Sparrow]

Hi Barb. I posted an upbeat "yay, I'm healing and I'm gonna get through this" thread a few days ago...but it evaporated over the weekend. Back in bed, suffocating with despair and Thoughts Which Must Not Be Named. I hate this. I hate.

 

Sparrow

[Altostrata]

Is it here? http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2627-holding-and-microtapering-its-working/page__p__26715#entry26715

[Brandy]

How are you doing now, Sparrow?

 

I've been thinking about you, and hope the window you had is a sign of more and better healing to come, even if you need to hold for as long as necessary and go even slower in the future.

[Barbarannamated]

Sparrow,

 

{{{HUGS}}} my friend. Your window sounded beautiful. More to come!

 

B

[Sparrow]

Three years ago:

-- 40 mg dextroamphetamine

-- 50 mg Pristiq

-- 100 mg Lamictal

-- 40 mg Namenda

-- 1.0 mg clonazepam

-- 50 mg Trazodone

 

Two years ago:

-- 40 mg dextroamphetamine

-- 1.0 mg clonazepam

-- 20 mg Lexapro

 

One year ago:

-- 0.5 mg clonazepam

-- 15 mg Lexapro

 

Today:

-- 0.065 mg clonazepam

-- 10 mg Lexapro

 

(To my former pill-pushing control-freak pdoc, I would like to offer a hearty and sincere "F*** you.")

 

Advantage: Sparrow

[BRapsidy]

Hi Sparrow. I just read your intro and I am so sorry you have had to go through all of that. I am glad to hear that you have had some good days. What you have accomplished so far is great. Thank you for sharing your story. I send you healing thoughts!!

[Altostrata]

An unbelievable and absurd drug cocktail. You should report the bastid to your state medical board.

[Sparrow]

I was thyroid- and sex-hormone deficient, severely anemic, and statin-damaged. I did not need psych meds. I did not need to be hauled off in handcuffs to be held against my (and my husband's) will in a psych ward.

 

I think I will never, ever get over this. There is nowhere for the blistering rage to go.

 

Sparrow

[Altostrata]

Do what you can to make these stupidities known. Psychiatry is very smug about what it wants to think are overwhelming successes.

[dalsaan]

Imagine being part of a profession where that kind of a drug regime and the effects that go with it constitutes something to be proud of. and they think we're miserable!

 

And sparrow given the olympics are on I would say that you have spent three years doing the pharmacotherapy triathalon, you've rounded the bend, are on the home stretch and are well out in front. And the SA crowd are cheering you on

[Barbarannamated]

I was thyroid- and sex-hormone deficient, severely anemic, and statin-damaged. I did not need psych meds. I did not need to be hauled off in handcuffs to be held against my (and my husband's) will in a psych ward.

 

I think I will never, ever get over this. There is nowhere for the blistering rage to go.

 

Oh, Sparrow... I get it. I really do.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2344-hospitalizationpast-treatment-trauma/page__pid__23511#entry23511

 

{{{THE BIGGEST HUGS IN THE WORLD}}}

[Sparrow]

Down to 0.065 mg clonazepam as of Monday... and doing another hold. Intolerable thoughts, crushing inertia. Feeling very strongly that I have squandered my life. Hyper-conscious of being "abnormal." Bored out of my mind but not wanting to be around people. Horror at what I've become.

 

Anxiety-type symptoms have mostly disappeared -- I no longer tremble externally or internally, don't hyperventilate or panic, heart rate normal, etc. Less extreme startle reaction.

 

Light sensitivity still a problem. Bright sunshine especially depresses me. Everyone is out living their lives, going places, doing things. I am holed up in my "bunker." People would be appalled if they knew what my life is like. I fear falling into the hands of anyone remotely connected with healthcare.

 

Smoking way more than I was. Ugh.

 

Questioning the usefulness of holding at such a miniscule dose, but doing it anyway.

 

Okay, gotta come up with some positives here...well, I'm reading the new biography of Julia Child. Completing several NYT crossword puzzles a day (Wednesday level). Last weekend I made an apple tart. Today I am trying out some incense and it smells very nice.

 

Sparrow

[Skyler]

Questioning the usefulness of holding at such a miniscule dose, but doing it anyway.

 

Okay, gotta come up with some positives here...well, I'm reading the new biography of Julia Child. Completing several NYT crossword puzzles a day (Wednesday level). Last weekend I made an apple tart. Today I am trying out some incense and it smells very nice.

 

Sparrow

 

Hi Sparrow, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with withdrawal symptoms. Please don't try to taper faster. It's taking me 6 months to taper down from where you are now. My taper is complicated by the fact I'm on Lyrica and also going down on that, but at the level I'm now at.. .45 diazepam, I can't go more than .05 a week, and that is pushing it. If I went faster the withdrawal symptoms would get really bad, and quality of life is important.

 

There is no rush.. give your CNS a break?

[Barbarannamated]

From my bunker to your bunker..

 

"People would be appalled at what my life has become." √

"Bored out of my mind but not wanting to be with people." √

"Fear falling into the hands of anyone remotely connected to healthcare." √√√

 

Your posts never fail to hit home home with me. Except that im certain I couldnt do a NYT crossword puzzle. Or cook.

 

I want to encourage, but all I have right now is assurance that you are definitely not alone. I read that Brian of The Beach Boys stayed in bed for a year at one point. I wonder of he was going thru withdrawal.

 

We're going to beat this.

 

Hugs.

B

[Karma]

Down to 0.065 mg clonazepam as of Monday... and doing another hold. Intolerable thoughts, crushing inertia. Feeling very strongly that I have squandered my life. Hyper-conscious of being "abnormal." Bored out of my mind but not wanting to be around people. Horror at what I've become.

 

Hi Sparrow,

 

These are neuro-emotions http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/137-neuro-emotion/. When you are beyond the grip of withdrawal things will look different and you will feel differently about your life.

 

Love and light,

Karma

[Sparrow]

Made myself to go to the grocery store with husband today. Publix is just hell on earth. "Jungle Boogie" (Kool & The Gang, 1973) blaring in the aisles. Crying babies. Too big, too loud, too bright, too much stuff. And so many people. No matter where I placed myself, I was forever in someone's way, or they were in mine.

 

There used to be small grocers. What happened to them? I would give anything for a calm, quiet, mom-n-pop store. I do not want 64 different types of mustard to choose from.

 

Barb, thanks for your assurance. Knowing I'm not the only one is a huge comfort.

 

Sparrow

[Aria]

Sparrow,

 

I'm reading your thread with sadness and empathy. I was on 4 to 7 psych drugs at a time for 15 years and did my tapering by hit and miss (I had very little taper info). I was on neuroleptics, AD's, sleep meds, benzo and unfortunately was tapering off 2-3 drugs at a time. The final drug I tapered from was the benzo and it seemed to be the hardest. I too was afraid to leave the house, had unreasonable fears and insomnia that knew no bounds.One time when the intense w/d had me in it's grip I tried to smash the kitchen dishes and found out they were the unbreakable kind. That upset me more.

 

I've been off psych drugs for 8 years and still harbor a deep anger against the psychiatrist who prescribed all the drugs. Many have no idea of what we have been through with ridiculously wrong labeling, nasty drugs and then the ultimate task of tapering off all of this crap.

Since my tapering I have felt such a profound relief.

 

Aria

[Sparrow]

Thanks, Aria. It's so encouraging to hear a success story from a fellow victim of polypharmacy. I had a couple of meltdowns myself, one of which left a big crack in my bedroom door.

 

Looking forward to the next couple of days -- we are going to get a lot of rain from the tropical storm. For some reason I'm more comfortable when the sun isn't shining.

[Barbarannamated]

Perhaps we need a photo album..

 

My most obvious meltdown was Droid vs sliding glass door. Both died.

 

I never had an aggressive tendency prior to withdrawal. The worst I did was throw a ham sandwich at my mother. With mustard. I have very good aim when angry. I should have thrown more ham sandwiches and stayed off drugs.

[areyouthere]

I never had an aggressive tendency prior to withdrawal. The worst I did was throw a ham sandwich at my mother. With mustard. I have very good aim when angry. I should have thrown more ham sandwiches and stayed off drugs.

 

So where did it land?

[Barbarannamated]

A line drive across the kitchen table...landed open face and stuck to her chest. She peeled it off, put it back together and set it on a napkin as if nothing happened. Not a word was spoken. Hmmm...wonder how I ended up on drugs?!?!