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dirtvoid: psychiatric survivor - year 3 of detox - 2 drugs to go


dirtvoid

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Had one of my bouts of high energy, frantic restless, 'Akathasia' kinda manic type things when I I was jolted out of bed after my mind being just way too loud and intense
(mostly thinking and raging about psychiatry while also experiencing spiritual anguish/crisis)
and I went out for some air and ended up walking 10 miles - howling, screaming a bit - I found a tree I really liked and was the only of it's kind in the UK and that seemed grounded me - I found my way back and was able to sleep til noon (after briefly waking up to take my Duloxetine at usual time. 

This unusual behaviour aren't of concern to me in itself - it's better to be outwardly mad that repress it but I am concerned and often while I'm out I have intrusive thoughts about being picked up by Police sectioned and sedated because I know I look crazy when I'm pacing and howling in the middle of the night but I've been doing this for years and seem to have got away with it, I'm not really doing anything wrong other than being weird. 

As Deleuze & Guattari say "A Schizophrenic going for a walk is a better model than a Neurotic on the Analyst's couch" and I whole heartedly agree with this. 

These moments of expelling my madness keep me sane. 

2009-2017 - Prozac 40mg, Risperdal 3mg, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepaml,, Setraline 50mg, Valium, 6mg Clonzepam, 1mg, Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, Ritalin - 20mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Zopiclone, Trazadone 50mg, Citalopram 40mgh, Strattera - 40mg -  Abilify 5mg - Trazadone - 250mg - 40mg Testostedrone - Seroqual - 100mg  -Remeron 50mg - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg.
  October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta,  Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks 

February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 

0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM weekly.

Discontinued Cold Turkey - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg 

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  • dirtvoid

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Not a great day - not feeling well.

 

Morning:
Stomach aches/cramps, nausea, loose stools, 

Tired aching muscles 

Exhaustion/Fatigue 
Lack of Concentration 

 

Lunchtime 

Weakening muscles/paralysis - followed by sleep paralysis / hypnogogic hallucinations - a pretty frightening episode of it, where I was lying on the floor screaming and being held down by demons. 

 

Afternoon

Frustration and irritation - at not being able to do the things I need to do, feeling overwhelmed, conflict around feeling like I'm both doing too much, but also like I'm a failure who doesn't and hasn't done enough. 

 

Now: Headaches, pressure on temple, head feels like eels/worms are swimming in it. 

 

It feels like a typical wave of SSNRI tapering but I guess the Lisdexamfetamine also messes around with Serotonin so probably due to the CT,

 

but other than the hypnogogic hallucinations/muscle weakness all if this seems possibly fairly normal to my baseline. 


Who knows what's what. 

 

 

2009-2017 - Prozac 40mg, Risperdal 3mg, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepaml,, Setraline 50mg, Valium, 6mg Clonzepam, 1mg, Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, Ritalin - 20mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Zopiclone, Trazadone 50mg, Citalopram 40mgh, Strattera - 40mg -  Abilify 5mg - Trazadone - 250mg - 40mg Testostedrone - Seroqual - 100mg  -Remeron 50mg - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg.
  October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta,  Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks 

February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 

0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM weekly.

Discontinued Cold Turkey - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg 

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My head is all over the place jumping from here to there like a squirrel

 

my stomach is really bad - I really just want to get the tests to see if I have an IBD or not so i can figure out diet. 
I really do my best with diet but it’s so hard to keep track on exactly what it’s reacting to. But at least I’m eating enough am have finally putting on weight.

 

the lack of specific support spirals me a lot but I also feel like I’m pushing through


I have mad hope for my recovery though and that’s exciting I know I’ll get through this I have faith in capacity for healing. 
 

still holding on the Cymbalta 


not going to reinstate Lisdexamfetamine unless things are consistently unbearable.

i know I’m just struggling without the extra layer of mental clouding. I know reality and my thoughts just has a rougher edge and are have been turned up several notches. But I am not giving up the authentic joy and exploratory and excitability desires.

 

I saw a beautiful sunset today - it’s worth it. There is hope shining through 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2009-2017 - Prozac 40mg, Risperdal 3mg, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepaml,, Setraline 50mg, Valium, 6mg Clonzepam, 1mg, Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, Ritalin - 20mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Zopiclone, Trazadone 50mg, Citalopram 40mgh, Strattera - 40mg -  Abilify 5mg - Trazadone - 250mg - 40mg Testostedrone - Seroqual - 100mg  -Remeron 50mg - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg.
  October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta,  Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks 

February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 

0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM weekly.

Discontinued Cold Turkey - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
3 minutes ago, dirtvoid said:

not going to reinstate Lisdexamfetamine unless things are consistently unbearable.

 

Please note that this is not a suggestion to reinstate but I think it might be helpful to have a plan for what you will do if things worsen.

 

You might consider thinking about what dose you would reinstate if  it gets to the "consistently unbearable" stage.

 

The reason I am making this suggestion is that we have members here at SA who have got to the unbearable stage and panicked and ended up taking too high a dose of their drug.  It is better to start with a small amount and increase by a small amount more than to risk taking too much.  Another thing that members sometimes do is to increase again to quickly.

 

Note:  It takes about 4 days for a psychiatric drug dose to get to full level in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.

 

I also suggest that you read Post #1 of this topic.  There is a lot of information in there and trying to comprehend it when symptoms are very bad can be very difficult.

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 6 Feb 2021:  Pristiq 0.365 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Oh forgot to mention had my worst or at least most frightening and longest lasting sleep paralysis / hypnogogic hallucination episode - I was screaming and screaming but nothing came out - the black mass was covering my mouth and quite violently dragging me all over my room -

 

woke up in bed. 

2009-2017 - Prozac 40mg, Risperdal 3mg, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepaml,, Setraline 50mg, Valium, 6mg Clonzepam, 1mg, Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, Ritalin - 20mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Zopiclone, Trazadone 50mg, Citalopram 40mgh, Strattera - 40mg -  Abilify 5mg - Trazadone - 250mg - 40mg Testostedrone - Seroqual - 100mg  -Remeron 50mg - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg.
  October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta,  Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks 

February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 

0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM weekly.

Discontinued Cold Turkey - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg 

Link to post
2 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Please note that this is not a suggestion to reinstate but I think it might be helpful to have a plan for what you will do if things worsen.

 

You might consider thinking about what dose you would reinstate if  it gets to the "consistently unbearable" stage.

 

The reason I am making this suggestion is that we have members here at SA who have got to the unbearable stage and panicked and ended up taking too high a dose of their drug.  It is better to start with a small amount and increase by a small amount more than to risk taking too much.  Another thing that members sometimes do is to increase again to quickly.

 

Note:  It takes about 4 days for a psychiatric drug dose to get to full level in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.

 

I also suggest that you read Post #1 of this topic.  There is a lot of information in there and trying to comprehend it when symptoms are very bad can be very difficult.

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

I have read it - to me consistently unbearable would like long lasting 4-6 weeks of unshakable suicidal ideation day in day out, immovable anhedonia, and in terms of more acutely - first signs of aggressive impulsions or emotional liability that would threaten my housing situation. 
 

right now I am up and down to quite extremes but it’s not consistent enough to be of serious concern to given that my tolerance for withdrawal symptoms I would say is pretty high and while not specific to my struggle I do have a good support network.

 

I would reinstate at 5mg better to start small right?  


is the 4 day thing true even for stimulants? 

 

2009-2017 - Prozac 40mg, Risperdal 3mg, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepaml,, Setraline 50mg, Valium, 6mg Clonzepam, 1mg, Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, Ritalin - 20mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Zopiclone, Trazadone 50mg, Citalopram 40mgh, Strattera - 40mg -  Abilify 5mg - Trazadone - 250mg - 40mg Testostedrone - Seroqual - 100mg  -Remeron 50mg - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg.
  October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta,  Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks 

February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 

0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM weekly.

Discontinued Cold Turkey - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg 

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

As previously stated it is better to start with a low dose:

 

2 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

It is better to start with a small amount and increase by a small amount more than to risk taking too much.  Another thing that members sometimes do is to increase again to quickly.

 

tips-for-tapering-off-vyvanse-lisdexamfetamine-dimesylate

 

The mean half life is about 12 hours.  The number of days to full level is an estimate and is based on the half life of a drug.  If a person is a fast metaboliser then it would be less time, if a slow metaboliser, then longer.  Prozac has a very long half life so it can take about 10 days or more for it to get to full level.

 

Scallyway was taking Cymbalta which has a 12 hour half life and created some graphs:

 

☼-scallywag-cymbalta-skipping-doses-didnt-work-time-to-taper

 

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 6 Feb 2021:  Pristiq 0.365 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
22 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

As previously stated it is better to start with a low dose:

 

 

tips-for-tapering-off-vyvanse-lisdexamfetamine-dimesylate

 

The mean half life is about 12 hours.  The number of days to full level is an estimate and is based on the half life of a drug.  If a person is a fast metaboliser then it would be less time, if a slow metaboliser, then longer.  Prozac has a very long half life so it can take about 10 days or more for it to get to full level.

 

Scallyway was taking Cymbalta which has a 12 hour half life and created some graphs:

 

☼-scallywag-cymbalta-skipping-doses-didnt-work-time-to-taper

 


Is 5mg too high? Not that I am considering at this point - I am also aware that the more times I reinstate and stop the harder and more disruptive to my nervous system. So I’m wary to mess around especially as I know many of the ups and downs I’m having right now are normal for getting off a drug and readjusting to reality. 

 

 


It’s a bit of struggle - bad start to the day 8 and half hours sleep and still woke up exhausted, my stomach was really bad cramps, swelling, bloating  lots of loose painful stools- spend much of the day curled up in fetal position. I found myself in distress again about not being listened to by doctors. 

 

then I went and got my new glasses prescription which should hopefully clear up some symptoms that I had previously blamed on withdrawal (blurred visions, headaches, eye fatigue, eye strain) 

 

very foggy and dense day, feeling drained, down and anxious, overwhelmed and bit lost, the intensity of my thoughts has really been dialled up a notch since quitting Lisdexamfetamine - a blessing and a curse but helps me see where I’m really at even if it’s disappointing it’s not as improved as I hoped. 
 

my Rabbi emailed back and that seemed to energise me.


I had a Himalayan and Magnesium Salt bath which helped a lot to refresh and purify me.

 

Prayer helps a lot been doing the long version of the serenity prayer 

 

G-d grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the different, grant me patience for change that takes time, appreciation for all that I have, tolerance for the those with different struggles and the strength to get up and try again one day at a time”

 

 

feeling okay this evening 

hung out with my roommates and chatted, did some watercolour and cleaned my room.

 

Busy week ahead. 

 

 

2009-2017 - Prozac 40mg, Risperdal 3mg, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepaml,, Setraline 50mg, Valium, 6mg Clonzepam, 1mg, Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, Ritalin - 20mg, Clonazepam 1mg, Zopiclone, Trazadone 50mg, Citalopram 40mgh, Strattera - 40mg -  Abilify 5mg - Trazadone - 250mg - 40mg Testostedrone - Seroqual - 100mg  -Remeron 50mg - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg.
  October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta,  Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks 

February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 

0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM weekly.

Discontinued Cold Turkey - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg 

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