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dirtvoid: psychiatric survivor - year 3 of detox - 2 drugs to go


dirtvoid

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Had one of my bouts of high energy, frantic restless, 'Akathasia' kinda manic type things when I I was jolted out of bed after my mind being just way too loud and intense
(mostly thinking and raging about psychiatry while also experiencing spiritual anguish/crisis)
and I went out for some air and ended up walking 10 miles - howling, screaming a bit - I found a tree I really liked and was the only of it's kind in the UK and that seemed grounded me - I found my way back and was able to sleep til noon (after briefly waking up to take my Duloxetine at usual time. 

This unusual behaviour aren't of concern to me in itself - it's better to be outwardly mad that repress it but I am concerned and often while I'm out I have intrusive thoughts about being picked up by Police sectioned and sedated because I know I look crazy when I'm pacing and howling in the middle of the night but I've been doing this for years and seem to have got away with it, I'm not really doing anything wrong other than being weird. 

As Deleuze & Guattari say "A Schizophrenic going for a walk is a better model than a Neurotic on the Analyst's couch" and I whole heartedly agree with this. 

These moments of expelling my madness keep me sane. 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

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Will do - will continue to post blood test results and such but will cease from asking any opinion.  — 9.30 acute spontaneous histamine reaction - legs got very red, swollen and itchy and no

My Duloxetine Taper is 92.5% complete which is very exciting and promising,  Feeling back to withdrawal normal this evening.   

Wave has finally lifted - It's been a BRUTAL 4 weeks - I had a really positive chat with my Rabbi and I have regained some hope for my healing - the low mood has dissipated - and have had enough of a

Not a great day - not feeling well.

 

Morning:
Stomach aches/cramps, nausea, loose stools, 

Tired aching muscles 

Exhaustion/Fatigue 
Lack of Concentration 

 

Lunchtime 

Weakening muscles/paralysis - followed by sleep paralysis / hypnogogic hallucinations - a pretty frightening episode of it, where I was lying on the floor screaming and being held down by demons. 

 

Afternoon

Frustration and irritation - at not being able to do the things I need to do, feeling overwhelmed, conflict around feeling like I'm both doing too much, but also like I'm a failure who doesn't and hasn't done enough. 

 

Now: Headaches, pressure on temple, head feels like eels/worms are swimming in it. 

 

It feels like a typical wave of SSNRI tapering but I guess the Lisdexamfetamine also messes around with Serotonin so probably due to the CT,

 

but other than the hypnogogic hallucinations/muscle weakness all if this seems possibly fairly normal to my baseline. 


Who knows what's what. 

 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

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My head is all over the place jumping from here to there like a squirrel

 

my stomach is really bad - I really just want to get the tests to see if I have an IBD or not so i can figure out diet. 
I really do my best with diet but it’s so hard to keep track on exactly what it’s reacting to. But at least I’m eating enough am have finally putting on weight.

 

the lack of specific support spirals me a lot but I also feel like I’m pushing through


I have mad hope for my recovery though and that’s exciting I know I’ll get through this I have faith in capacity for healing. 
 

still holding on the Cymbalta 


not going to reinstate Lisdexamfetamine unless things are consistently unbearable.

i know I’m just struggling without the extra layer of mental clouding. I know reality and my thoughts just has a rougher edge and are have been turned up several notches. But I am not giving up the authentic joy and exploratory and excitability desires.

 

I saw a beautiful sunset today - it’s worth it. There is hope shining through 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
ChessieCat
3 minutes ago, dirtvoid said:

not going to reinstate Lisdexamfetamine unless things are consistently unbearable.

 

Please note that this is not a suggestion to reinstate but I think it might be helpful to have a plan for what you will do if things worsen.

 

You might consider thinking about what dose you would reinstate if  it gets to the "consistently unbearable" stage.

 

The reason I am making this suggestion is that we have members here at SA who have got to the unbearable stage and panicked and ended up taking too high a dose of their drug.  It is better to start with a small amount and increase by a small amount more than to risk taking too much.  Another thing that members sometimes do is to increase again to quickly.

 

Note:  It takes about 4 days for a psychiatric drug dose to get to full level in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.

 

I also suggest that you read Post #1 of this topic.  There is a lot of information in there and trying to comprehend it when symptoms are very bad can be very difficult.

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Oh forgot to mention had my worst or at least most frightening and longest lasting sleep paralysis / hypnogogic hallucination episode - I was screaming and screaming but nothing came out - the black mass was covering my mouth and quite violently dragging me all over my room -

 

woke up in bed. 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
2 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Please note that this is not a suggestion to reinstate but I think it might be helpful to have a plan for what you will do if things worsen.

 

You might consider thinking about what dose you would reinstate if  it gets to the "consistently unbearable" stage.

 

The reason I am making this suggestion is that we have members here at SA who have got to the unbearable stage and panicked and ended up taking too high a dose of their drug.  It is better to start with a small amount and increase by a small amount more than to risk taking too much.  Another thing that members sometimes do is to increase again to quickly.

 

Note:  It takes about 4 days for a psychiatric drug dose to get to full level in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.

 

I also suggest that you read Post #1 of this topic.  There is a lot of information in there and trying to comprehend it when symptoms are very bad can be very difficult.

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

I have read it - to me consistently unbearable would like long lasting 4-6 weeks of unshakable suicidal ideation day in day out, immovable anhedonia, and in terms of more acutely - first signs of aggressive impulsions or emotional liability that would threaten my housing situation. 
 

right now I am up and down to quite extremes but it’s not consistent enough to be of serious concern to given that my tolerance for withdrawal symptoms I would say is pretty high and while not specific to my struggle I do have a good support network.

 

I would reinstate at 5mg better to start small right?  


is the 4 day thing true even for stimulants? 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus
ChessieCat

As previously stated it is better to start with a low dose:

 

2 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

It is better to start with a small amount and increase by a small amount more than to risk taking too much.  Another thing that members sometimes do is to increase again to quickly.

 

tips-for-tapering-off-vyvanse-lisdexamfetamine-dimesylate

 

The mean half life is about 12 hours.  The number of days to full level is an estimate and is based on the half life of a drug.  If a person is a fast metaboliser then it would be less time, if a slow metaboliser, then longer.  Prozac has a very long half life so it can take about 10 days or more for it to get to full level.

 

Scallyway was taking Cymbalta which has a 12 hour half life and created some graphs:

 

☼-scallywag-cymbalta-skipping-doses-didnt-work-time-to-taper

 

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
22 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

As previously stated it is better to start with a low dose:

 

 

tips-for-tapering-off-vyvanse-lisdexamfetamine-dimesylate

 

The mean half life is about 12 hours.  The number of days to full level is an estimate and is based on the half life of a drug.  If a person is a fast metaboliser then it would be less time, if a slow metaboliser, then longer.  Prozac has a very long half life so it can take about 10 days or more for it to get to full level.

 

Scallyway was taking Cymbalta which has a 12 hour half life and created some graphs:

 

☼-scallywag-cymbalta-skipping-doses-didnt-work-time-to-taper

 


Is 5mg too high? Not that I am considering at this point - I am also aware that the more times I reinstate and stop the harder and more disruptive to my nervous system. So I’m wary to mess around especially as I know many of the ups and downs I’m having right now are normal for getting off a drug and readjusting to reality. 

 

 


It’s a bit of struggle - bad start to the day 8 and half hours sleep and still woke up exhausted, my stomach was really bad cramps, swelling, bloating  lots of loose painful stools- spend much of the day curled up in fetal position. I found myself in distress again about not being listened to by doctors. 

 

then I went and got my new glasses prescription which should hopefully clear up some symptoms that I had previously blamed on withdrawal (blurred visions, headaches, eye fatigue, eye strain) 

 

very foggy and dense day, feeling drained, down and anxious, overwhelmed and bit lost, the intensity of my thoughts has really been dialled up a notch since quitting Lisdexamfetamine - a blessing and a curse but helps me see where I’m really at even if it’s disappointing it’s not as improved as I hoped. 
 

my Rabbi emailed back and that seemed to energise me.


I had a Himalayan and Magnesium Salt bath which helped a lot to refresh and purify me.

 

Prayer helps a lot been doing the long version of the serenity prayer 

 

G-d grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the different, grant me patience for change that takes time, appreciation for all that I have, tolerance for the those with different struggles and the strength to get up and try again one day at a time”

 

 

feeling okay this evening 

hung out with my roommates and chatted, did some watercolour and cleaned my room.

 

Busy week ahead. 

 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

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dirtvoid

4 weeks off Lisdexamfetamine CT 

 

- Far more benefits than problems 

 

This is more of a check in - to say I'm doing well 

 

less extremes up and down - mood wise I'm pretty stable, my thoughts are less intense - physically in a much better space. 

 

Still having sleep paralysis and episodic muscle weakness and loss of function, gut is pretty bad but I'm doing my best to manage the stress that worsens it  

 

I'm basically alright as long as I'm not made to function in the outside world which is pretty easy given being in lockdown 

 

I'm not passively waiting for my waves to pass I'm actively doing everything I can to make it as tolerable and not wishing away my life until I feel better, I'm doing what I can right now

 

My schedule is made up of Hebrew Class, NA Meetings, Creative recovery groups, being an active part of a Jewish Community that includes daily prayer groups, LGBTQ groups, spiritual counselling, this has been paramount to my healing, especially healing what let me down the road of psychiatry and overmedication in the first place,doing work on my hypnotherapy course, reading critical psychiatry and Jewish  philosophy, meditation, going  jogging and playing in the playgrounds after-dark drawing, making art, journalling, mineral baths, doing my best to stay in contact with my friends. 

 

I also started seeing a Neurodiversity Coach which also me helps discern withdrawal symptoms from being dyspraxic and baseline sensory processing issues and is helping me get organised and establish routine. 

My diet is made up of lots of Fish, Eggs, Nuts, Full nutrient Protein shakes and bars, Leafy Greens, Pulses/Beans, Veg, GF-pasta, Oat Cakes, I can't tolerate anything else, I can barely tolerate this, I'm looking very closely at this - once I get clarity around an IBD - if applicable I will go down the Low FODMAPS route, but for now this diet is sustaining me physically I'm monitoring closely what triggers are, but sometimes it has little to do with what I eat.  

I also blocked my ex-partner who was causing me mental distress. 


I'm honestly very happy with how my life is right now, and truly believe In my capacity to heal - I have no control over my w/d symptoms and how long they last, I do have control over the level of emotional distress and how I respond to them, and my belief system that surrounds it.
 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Still doing really well - was able to handle a really busy day yesterday without crashing at all. 

I'm feeling a clarity and sharpness that I've never known. The brain fog is clearing up 

 

My stress levels are massively reduced compared how I was a month ago. 

My sleep is better and better 

Right now not particularly distressed by any symptoms.


The changes I've made are working. 
I'm pretty much at my Neurodivergent baseline or "Withdrawal Normal" 


I'm feeling ready to rock the boat and drop 1 bead of the Duloxetine Tomorrow and just see how I react. Be interesting to see how much of what I was experiencing before in regards to withdrawals was bad interaction / Lisdexamfetamine Adverse effects. 

(I 100% do not recommend CT - I am not in the clear for surprise protracted withdrawals)
 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Made the cut today 

 

15 beads down to 14.
 6.5% cut

2.42mg down to 2.2mg

 

Some Brain Zaps, sore, dry tired eyes and some fatigue, energy has depleted very quickly today and executive functioning is noticeably reduced. 
 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Day 2 of 1 bead cut. 

Yesterday (10/03/21)

Fatigued/Irritable but able to enjoy my usual Zoom groups (other than skipping Talmud study)

 

Today (11/03/21)


Negatives:


Fatigue - of a heavy, sludgy fuzzy kind 

Increased GI/Digestive distress 

Muscle weakness 

Aches and Pains 

Very affective/hypersensitive toward News Stories 

Limited capacity toward daily tasks (had to nap after each meal, can't put away laundry)

 

Positives
Started my day with EFT for my gut 

Got a little bit of hypnotherapy written work done 

Ate 3 meals 

Reached to support my friend who just lost her home in a fire. 

Reading Herschel's Man Is Not Alone and finding hope 

Able to go to PoundStretcher to buy roommate's birthday present and some eyedrops 
Able to attend - 2- Zoom groups 

Took a Dead Sea/Magnesium Bath 
My mood is remaining stable 

I feel hopeful 

 

 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Fatigue is even worse today - the kind of fatigue where stairs feel like climbing a mountain, and taking a shower requires laying down. Can’t really stand up because vertigo.

Had a akathisia and TD fit this morning. Along with an overwhelming fear and anger and pity party moment - over how doctors don’t care and I’m so alone and blah blah blah I prayed and recited Psalm 31 and that seemed to lift it - my body really hurts, my skin is burning.
 

Not sure how to get through the remainder of the taper particularly as the % starts rising higher, but I guess through sheer perseverance - I am tough and resilient and I can handle this. My body wants to heal, my body is healing my body is doing the best it can. 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Testosterone levels are sky-high at 31.2 mid cycle.

Probably not helping matters. 

cried on the phone at the GP because I feel helpless and I'm angry and frustrated because nobody is monitoring my transition and it's difficult to manage on my own. 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus
ChessieCat
10 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

Testosterone levels are sky-high at 31.2 mid cycle.

Probably not helping matters. 

cried on the phone at the GP because I feel helpless and I'm angry and frustrated because nobody is monitoring my transition and it's difficult to manage on my own. 

 

You might find it helpful, if you have not already done so, to find online support groups/forums for this.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
dirtvoid

In bed most of the weekend with fatigue, weak aching muscles - quite a few emotional spirals - used the little energy to read and eat food.

 

bit better today a few emotional wobbly moments, 

 

able to go for short exercise able to feel joy on the park 

 

now in bed, floored with uterus pain and fatigue. 

 

feel absolutely overwhelmed stressed by email and tasks not able to function at all.

 

Feel totally daunted by this taper. 
 

I do seem to recover but in the midst of it’s pretty unbearable. Each drop seems to get be getting harder I have no idea how to plan out these last 14 beads.. my nervous system seems pretty done. 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Able to attend my Hebrew class this evening - brain was certainly foggy and unable to recall knowledge, but at the same time I find it so so essential for my recovery to be this kind of learning - and it takes my mind away from worrying and fixating and doom-spiralling on the pain for a little while. 

 

I have a very busy day tomorrow so I'll see if that helps me or floors me. 

I seem to have lifted myself out of the doom pit and into the healing mindset

I absolutely believe in my capacity to SURVIVE this withdrawal and recover

Despite the lack of medical support - I have a real support system - 

I am working with a new 12 step sponsor and while he has no first hand experience of what I'm going through, he is supportive, kind, gentle and empathetic and it helps so much he has a lot of sobriety and I trust him - this is going to be imperative to my recovery and survival . 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

My Duloxetine Taper is 92.5% complete which is very exciting and promising, 
Feeling back to withdrawal normal this evening. 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Not great today - 

Very much in a similar pattern that I was in November (not quite as severe though because I don't have the additional side effects to deal with from Lisdexamfetamine)


These aren't medical symptoms these are feelings that have lost perspective and are heightened due to withdrawal. 
 

A lot of mood instability - dense fatigue leading to dread and frustration and terror around getting things done took me the whole day to do what I wanted to get done before 11am

(send a few emails) 

feeling quite hopeless about my life (unable to do the things I want to do, feeling absolutely overwhelmed and daunted by simple tasks, unable to handle the amount of work I have to do while feeling hopeless that I don't have a proper job and never have and scared I never will)

Feeling sad and lonely because between psych drugs and my drug addiction I've destroyed all my romantic relationships  

Feeling shame about being crazy. 

 

Feeling like I'm not doing enough 

Feeling disillusioned 

__


Just feelings they will pass - it's just so scary to have lost so much of my life to this. 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator
getofflex

@dirtvoid I'm sorry you are going through some unpleasant emotions.  I can relate.  It's good that you accept your feelings, and realize they are temporary.  I do understand the feeling of shame, I've had to grapple with this.  Perhaps this link will help:  

 

Shame, Guilt, Regret, and Self Criticism

 

Hang in there.  Recovery from this is very slow, but it does happen.  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

Link to post
dirtvoid

@getofflexThank you! doing a bit better today kinda. 

So an interesting thing is that my last cut seems to possibly affect my 'cycle' (or maybe just coincidence) I've had really bad uterus pain/cramping and my moods have been really haywire in hindsight very similar suicidal despairing and negative thinking that used to accompany my periods before I started Testosterone - it hit it's peak this morning and I was curled up in bed with a heat pad - crying and then I went to the bathroom and when I wiped the tissue was bloody (spotting) Basically I had really bad PMS. 

I have a long history of psych-drugs messing with my endocrine system - one of the first drugs I was prescribed (risperedone) led to really screw with my putritity glands leading to rapid swelling in my breasts, lactation and hyperprolactimia.... 

- I went for a long walk to try and get my mind off things but I was grumpy the whole time and then it started pouring with raining and my feet were blistering and then I just cried the whole way home about my chronic unemployability - (I don't think a decade of Tory austerity is a withdrawal symptom) but I think I unlocked and tapped into a core wound. Part of the reason I hate being on anti-depressants is they have in this delusional numbed out state where it's hard to have insight into exactly what the cause of my feelings are. Right now I need to remember that chronic unemployability has saved my life during this pandemic and allowed me to shield.

I spoke to my doctor today (who is supportive and does believe me about withdrawal but also is trying to rule out other things) and we are meeting on Friday to figure out a plan around what to do. I then went to my prayer group and have been reading the AA big book and wrote to my sponsor about getting on with some stepwork - My new sponsor is also very supportive and hears me out about my withdrawal.


Withdrawal is certainly making my already very difficult gender transition extremely complex - are they any other people managing gender reassignment while going through withdrawal?? I can't be the only one - so many trans people get pumped with all kinds of psych drugs as a way of silencing or suppressing gender dysphoria. 

I think I was way to hasty with deciding to drop just 6 weeks after the Lisdexamfetamine CT - but I was feeling really good, I genuinely believed I could cope with the Low Mood / Fatigue stuff - my foresight is not great I guess. (Probably not a withdrawal symptom 😛) but I really spiralled and went to some scary places but in hindsight doesn't feel that extreme - My insight feels totally off but I'm really doing the best I can with resources, support, knowledge, energy available to me. 

I think I need more support (and I think I am willing to listen) on here around when to cut - I am willing to admit have repeatedly made poor judgements. In turn I will try do my best to do the daily diary format around symptoms.


 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator
getofflex

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. 🙂  Walking always helps me a lot.  I believe the rhythm of walking does something to calm regulate my nervous system. 

 

I do believe that psych drugs and hormones interplay with each other.  I've been menopausal for several years, and one does seem to compound the other, at least for me it does.  

 

you can do a google search - surviving antidepressants gender reassignment.  Try this search phrase and see what comes up.  

 

As far as when to cut, you may have this link in a prior post, but I'll link it here anyway.  tapering

 

Also, we suggest only making one change at a time, whether it be with hormones, drugs, supplements, diet, major schedule changes, ect.  Our nervous systems tend to be very sensitive and easily disrupted.  Then, we wait a few weeks and see how the change affects us.  I know how frustrating this can be, this takes supreme patience.  

 

Take care, and hang in there. 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

Link to post
dirtvoid

been weeping about my unemployability and broken heart this evening - at least these are tangible reasons of mental distress and maybe it’s just what needs to be purged to process. 
 


 

Thank you, in that case I am going to focus my energy on getting my hormones balanced - and not even consider dropping another bead until I’m reassured my Testosterone levels are as they supposed to be. 

 

my search for “transgender” found one Trans woman tapering Risperdal but seems like I’m the only trans guy on here. I’ve looked into psychopharmacology journals since I have academic access from my MSc but nobody has bothered to research the interaction between psych drugs and hormones like not even for cis people. Wild.... 

 

@Altostrata you mentioned when I first joined that testosterone should be tapered by 10% do you have documentation to back this up?  

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus
ChessieCat

If you do a general internet search for testosterone withdrawal or similar you can easily find mention about stopping testosterone causing withdrawal symptoms.

 

This one mentions reducing the dose slowly:

 

https://www.vitalityhrt.com/testosterone-withdrawal/

 

Quote

The dosage also plays heavily into withdrawal factors. The more testosterone you take per dose, the more severe your withdrawal reaction may be. Those who stop TRT cold turkey as opposed to tapering off slowly are much more likely to experience withdrawal symptoms as well.

 

And here is another one about withdrawal from anabolic steroids which mimic testosterone:

 

https://www.addictioncenter.com/stimulants/steroids/steroid-withdrawal-detox/

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
dirtvoid

Problem is those are aimed either at cis men with low testosterone or cis men abusing steroids -

it’s a very different experience for me as someone like me whose assigned female at birth taking testosterone for masculinising purposes meanwhile experiencing uterus problems. I’m not only trying to find my prime dose that will stop my period but also is not too high. 
 

at least with testosterone it can be measured with a blood test so with that it’s a less complicated process. 

 

I would never stop CT anyhow because testosterone treatment for me is lifelong. 


The plan is to not taper the Duloxatine until my hormone levels are stable.

 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

9 days into my last cut and Hopefully seem to be through the worst of the emotional tidal wave  that I was struck by - the cog fog has lifted, feeling pretty capable and going through some research papers I wrote that are being published and feeling seriously impressed with myself for being able to write them in such severe withdrawal and in such unstable and inadequate housing last year. 

Uterus cramping and spotting symptoms have subsided - I think for me that's what I couldn't handle it brings on my gender dysphoria so intensely. 

Fatigue is not as bad either - Feel able to go to Aldi's and do my food shop after I finish my proof reading. 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus
ChessieCat

 

On 3/18/2021 at 7:20 AM, dirtvoid said:

you mentioned when I first joined that testosterone should be tapered by 10% do you have documentation to back this up? 

 

You seemed to be seeking evidence that reducing testosterone could produce withdrawal symptoms.  The withdrawal and tapering information I linked to is relevant regardless of the reason for using the drug.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
dirtvoid
On 3/19/2021 at 1:21 AM, ChessieCat said:

 

 

You seemed to be seeking evidence that reducing testosterone could produce withdrawal symptoms.  The withdrawal and tapering information I linked to is relevant regardless of the reason for using the drug.

So I spoke a friend who is very knowledge about this and who has been off and on T at various points and I sent the links to my friend and my friend says - a lot of the symptoms stated on the website are aimed at Cis-men and the withdrawal symptoms look like more reverting back to an Oestrogen based body and she says the withdrawal symptoms she experienced from going cold turkey looked like really bad PMS. Also too much Testosterone converts into Oestrogen which I don't know what exactly that means or looks like. Cis-men Withdrawing from Abusing Anabolic Steroids or withdrawal from TRT will have different symptoms - to a Person Assigned female at Birth who is using T for masculinisation.
My signature should have read biweekly and it was a typo - but me and my doctor have decided on doing weekly shots of 0.2 - which is the same dose but more frequently - I did so on Saturday - not having PMS or cramps right now. I am waiting for a call back for a trough blood test and will have that one Friday in the near future. 

I'm not even sure how a 10% testosterone taper would work anyhow- the smallest syringes are 1ml - Testosterone comes as an oil. 


In other news I got diagnosed with Frozen Shoulder - 
Still struggling hard with fatigue and muscle weakness/stiffness/pain 

 

My anxiety/panic/overwhelm can get pretty intense at points in the day. 

 

My bodymind at this point is just utterly exhausted from the severity of withdrawals symptoms over many years. 

 

13 days since last drop -slow improvements but for sure noticeable. 

My job is to alleviate as much distress around the pain as possible - everything is else is just time. 

Prayer is my most powerful tool that offers the most relief. 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus
ChessieCat

SA is a site for tapering/withdrawal of psychiatric drugs.  SA does not counsel members about testosterone etc regardless of their reason for taken/stopping it.  Because taking other substances can affect psychiatric drug withdrawal the staff needs to be made aware that members are taking them.  However, there are other internet forums, support groups etc which would be better suited for the discussion of testosterone being taking for the purpose you are doing so.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
dirtvoid
17 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

SA is a site for tapering/withdrawal of psychiatric drugs.  SA does not counsel members about testosterone etc regardless of their reason for taken/stopping it.  Because taking other substances can affect psychiatric drug withdrawal the staff needs to be made aware that members are taking them.  However, there are other internet forums, support groups etc which would be better suited for the discussion of testosterone being taking for the purpose you are doing so.

Understood, I won't bring it up again. 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Feeling somewhat better - at least mentally - much clearer and able to do quite taxing mental tasks such as proofreading.

 

mornings are really tough I wake up totally unable to move joints stiff and feel swollen and dense fatigue I have to rest after a shower. Doing my best to take it slow. The chronic pain stuff precedes my taper so I’m not overly convinced it’s going to disappear any time during or shortly after the taper but I do feel worse when I cut. I’m waiting to stabilise and am showing signs of stability- when the mental side of things is the physical is slightly easier to cope with and I can at least do the self-care needed.

 

Epsom salt baths help so do heat pads, ice gel and rest.

 

for sure some residue fatigue from the lisdexamfetamine discontinuation but I do feel better off it - planning to hold for another month 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus
ChessieCat
6 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

Understood, I won't bring it up again. 

 

Thank you.  However please continue to advise of any dose changes in the testosterone.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
dirtvoid
26 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Thank you.  However please continue to advise of any dose changes in the testosterone.

Will do - will continue to post blood test results and such but will cease from asking any opinion. 

9.30 acute spontaneous histamine reaction - legs got very red, swollen and itchy and now skin is crawling. V. Uncomfortable. 

 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Really bad day - (I was an hour off my usual pill taking time, I seemed to have woken up to take it put the pill in my hand but not swallowed it because I found it in my bed when I woke up an hour later)

Fatigue, stiffness, dizziness, nausea, headache, brain zaps, and severe panic and anxiety, tremors and shakes, and sensory sensitivity that was beyond  my usual sensory integration issues. on waking and lingered throughout the entire day - had constant overwhelming mental chatter, irritable, unable to focus on anything just in terror and overwhelm, tearful, exhausted agitated, can't be still, and can't be moving - just spinning head all day, unable to think clearly do tasks and everything made everything worse and wasn't able to do the strict regime of things that make me feel better. very on edge, very easily triggered, very jumpy, big 'ol ball of nerves. 
did the excersises from my psysio but it just made me really distressed because of the discomfort and pain that it caused, only peace I got all day was the AA meeting I went to. Not rest, got little done (other than a little bit of drawing and finished 1 chapters in 2 books I am reading) very stressed - very overwhelmed - nothing I did such as breathing, meditation, reaching out, soothed me. I've been sad lately about my chronic unemployment- I feel like a total deadweight loser.  Today was just how it was when I was coming off benzos a few years ago. I just want to tear my skin off and crawl out of it. 

Putting it down to poor timing, bad day (although this wave doesn't seem to be easing up I am now 16 days since last cut and almost 2 months since CT off the Lisdexamfetamine - I have good moments but on the whole things are pretty dire) 

Not given up hope - tomorrow is a brand new day. 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

Much better yesterday Shabbat does me well - all lights / electronics off and rest - bliss. 

 

 

clocks changed - and really seems to have messed me up - I have 3 alarms 2 of them are analogue so forgot to change them and my phone changed automatically so took my pill at 8am - but with the clock confusions I have been really off today - I had a lot of nightmares and woke up a lot and had a hard time sleeping so that’s thrown me off too - today is just a day of sheer terror and executive dysfunction just staring at the wall unable to move or sequence any tasks trying to just switch off - I hate the days where I can’t do the things that help me feel better 😞
 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post
dirtvoid

This wave has lasted almost 3 weeks - it’s the sheer terror and overwhelm that collapsing me today. 

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Raid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021

2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg March 2021
2.2mg Cymbalta 14 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly 
April 2021 2mg Cymbalta 13 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone weekly May 2021
1.8mg Cymbalta 12 beads - 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly  - Cymbalta 1.7mg/11 beads June 2021  1.6mg/10 beads Cymbalta / 0.2ml Testosterone Weekly
July 2021
1.6mg Cymbalta 
50mg Testogel (daily) 
 

 

Link to post

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