Londoner: any help would be much appreciated

[Londoner]

Getting prescribed Citalopram is also another option instead of the fluoxetine. I have taken citalopram 20mg before. I had very bad initial start up symptoms but then after 2 weeks, everything improved and I was functional. This was 10 years ago. I had to stop taking it because I very foolishly took MDMA whilst I was on it (I was at university at the time) and I suddenly had back all of the side effects. I was switched to Sertraline 50mg and after a couple of weeks of start up side effects the Sertraline started to work.

[Londoner]

@Rosetta you have been so kind to me and I've already asked too much of you so I'm sorry to pester you. I read on your intros thread that you had a pretty tough time in withdrawal 6-10 months out from your fast taper with suicidal akathisia. How did you manage to survive it? Did you go to hospital at all or reinstate anything? It just seems so impossible to me right now that I could endure this.

[Rosetta]

Londoner,

 

No, I didn’t go to hospital.  I was afraid they would make it worse, and that that would kill me.  I’m more convinced  that I was right every time I read about someone going to the hospital.  Making akathisia worse, longer lasting and more intense is far too often the result.  
 

I didn’t reinstate either.  It had been too long, many months, before I found SA, and I decided not to take the risk.

 

You must not panic.  Reinstatements take time.  They are not like the effect of benzos (which kindle and make things worse in the long run.)  If you are having a bad reaction, the Mods will see it if you post your diaries.    The timing of your dose and your symptoms are important.  
 

I find you to be a remarkable person.  Your comments here indicate that you are someone the world needs, and I wish there were more like you.  You must survive this.  That letter that you wrote to your doctor — it’s brilliant.  You could be such an asset to any sort of cause, not only iatrogenic injury awareness.  You need something to live for.  There must be something you do not want to miss.

 

I have a child.  So, I couldn’t do anything besides survive.  It was very hard to stay, I’ll admit.  I don’t regret living through it, now.  Not for one minute do I regret it.  I am so grateful that SA saved me.  Those days of intense aka seem like a dream, although I know they were real.  
 

I have written a response to you on my own thread because I found it difficult to avoid putting a lot of my own history in the answer.  I’m still very scattered and confused when I write.  So, I didn’t want to put all of that here.

 

Wait another day.  Your options are always open.  You do not have to foreclose any of them.  Waiting will not costs you any options.  Acting will take away all your options.  So, wait: endure, pace, eat, tap, bathe, shower, do anything but think.  Keep moving and keep eating to give yourself energy to move.  You must distract yourself.

 

See my thread.  Just click on the brown R by my name

 

—Rosetta

 

 

[Rosetta]

It’s there now.

[Londoner]

Thank you so much for both of your posts. They mean the world to me. I can't write more right now because of the pain I'm in but I will respond properly soon. You are a hero Rosetta, thank you 🙏

[Londoner]

My notes since starting the reinstatement:

 

Saturday 3^rdApril

 

4am – wake up cortisol surge

5am – Promethizine and 20mg propanolol

6am – sleep

10am – wakeup

12pm – Epsom salt bath

1pm – Marvin came with meds

1.30 – ate some muesli

2.00 – mild/moderate jittery panic feelings/suicidal thoughts

4pm – tingly weakness in legs

6pm – mood improving somewhat

7pm – tingly feelings in face, ear and around body

8pm – worrying about taking 1mg Sertraline

8pm – took 1mg Sertraline first dose

8.30 – walked dog round block

9pm – ate soup

10pm – bed

 

Sunday

 

5am – wake up, anxiety, pumping heart, improved mood

6am- tension, tremor, smoking a lot, mood still improved since last night

8am – can’t get back to sleep, didn’t take any other drugs

9am – Eat banana and boiled egg with mum

10am – Look on SA, easily cry, tension/tremor

11am- Epsom salt bath

12pm- tired watch tv

1pm – 2 pieces of toast

2pm – Read SA

4pm – tension and anxiety building, pain in upper left arm, fuzzy head and confusion

4pm – did 10 min yoga

5pm – head feels very spacy and filled up

7pm – Took 1mg Sertraline

9pm – ate full dinner sausages and mash with mum

10pm – took dog around the block

11pm – Bed looked at SA

12pm – Sleep

 

 

Monday

 

9am – woke up, ate a banana

10am – high anxiety and tension but bearable. Smoking a lot. Look on SA

11am – Epsom salt bath

12am  - muesli

1am – feel tired and weak

3pm – tired and weak… want to go and do something but can’t seem to

4pm – feeling very zombified and blank

6pm – 1mg Sertraline

7pm – anxiety and spacey head

8pm – dinner chicken salad made with mum

9pm – tremor and some tension

11pm – bed, some difficulty getting to sleep, overthinking

 

Tuesday

 

9am – woke up, improved mood

10am –  feeling a bit like I did when I first went on SSRI. Little bit intense, overthinking, repetitive thoughts

11am – slight ringing in ear particularly when I go outside to smoke

12pm – took dog for a walk with mum, feeling a bit spacey

2pm – lunch eggs on toast, occasional ringing in ear

3pm –  looked on SA

5pm – Took 1mg Sertraline

6pm- Epsom salt bath, feel tired, small amount of inner tension

8pm – dinner burger and veggies

9pm – ready for bed looking on SA, mild tremor, going to toilet a lot

12pm – bed, some difficulty falling asleep

1am- sleep

 

Wednesday

 

5am –semi wake up, hot flush, need toilet, some racing thoughts, put in earplugs, went back to sleep quickly

9am- wake up

10am – feeling pretty spacey, bit shaky and anxious, diarrhea, funny feelings in upper arms, some period spotting makes me think that that is heightening symptoms

12.30 – some inner tension/akathisia, bit shaky, not as bad as last week but still difficult, very frequent urination, blocked left ear, no lunch no appetite

3pm – feeling tired

4pm – feeling spacey and detached, jaw tightness, ear feeling blocked

5pm – took 1mg Sertraline

6pm- feeling tense and restless, diarrhoea

7pm – reading SA

8.30 – ate full dinner, still feeling tense, inner shaky

9 – inner tension, intrusive thoughts, pounding heart, some SI

11pm – bed

12pm – sleep, some racing thoughts

 

Thursday

 

7am - woke up fully, had woken quite a lot during the night but dozed through

8am – smoke and feeling inner tension, look on SA

12pm – feeling tense and pressure in chest and head, shaky, sweaty, blocked ear

2pm – more relaxed and tired

4pm- bedbound, feel very bad when I stand, heart pounding, weak

5pm – had sertraline 1mg, ate dinner, chicken wrap,

6pm – feeling tense and bedbound, tremor, inner tension

8pm – feeling improved mood, less tense, spacy head

9pm – Reading SA, feeling ok, pressure in jaw

10pm – very shaky unwell when standing, ok when lying down

11pm – bed

 

Friday

 

9am – woke up uninterrupted sleep, high anxiety, tremor, pressure in ears

11am – tension and sensitivity, reading SA, spacey head

12pm – ate banana, feeling weak and sensitive

1pm – had shower, quite difficult, sensitive and weak, intrusive thoughts

3pm – reading SA, tingling through body, some tension

4pm – trying to watch tv, feeling tense and tingly through body

5pm – took 1mg Sertraline, feel a bit nauseus, still tense and tingly in body

6pm – tension, akathisia

8pm- had small dinner with mum

9pm – watched tv with mum, felt ok

10 – bed

12 – sleep

 

Saturday

 

7am – woke up, anxiety, overthinking, mood ok, heart pounding, smoking made worse

9am – in bed watching tv, feeling nauseus, weak, difficulty standing

12pm – ate 2 pieces of toast

1pm – bedbound, head spacey, pressure in ears, mood ok,

2pm – head pressure, headache, bedbound

4pm – severe headache

5pm – 1mg sertraline

6pm – severe headache, mild nausea, numb side of face, high anxiety in part triggered by SA comment

7pm – inner tension, had dinner with mum

9pm – watched tv with mum, very spacey, unhinged, numb in face, anxiety

10pm – bed

11pm – sleep

 

Sunday

 

7am – wake up,some interruptions but able to go back to sleep, high anxiety and tremor

9am – anxious looked on SA

11am – anxious, shaky particularly when standing

12pm – inner tension, shaky

2pm – lunch, 2 eggs, shower, inner shakiness

3pm – took dog for a walk, super sensitive, disoriented, can’t focus

4.30pm – took 1mg Sertraline

6pm – watched tv downstairs all evening, unhinged feeling/like brain isn’t attached, some tension, funny feelings in arms and legs

10pm – bed

11pm – sleep

 

Monday

 

6am – wake up, some interruptions, high anxiety on waking

7.30am – smoke

9am – smoke, not talking much, mum says I seem blank

10 – feeling odd, some tension but mainly unfocused, reading SA

11am – couldn’t focus very well, bit irritable

12pm – ate muesli

1pm – very sensitive to noise, mood ok, some pain in arm, pressure in head, diarhea every day since March 25th

3pm – some tremor, tension, irritable, mood ok,

4pm –  upper arm tingling

5pm – Took 1mg Sertraline, inner tension, tremor

6pm – Looking on SA, some pressure in back of head,

7pm – watched tv with mum

9pm – full dinner

10pm – bed

11pm – sleep

2am – wake up cortisol surge, took melatonin, got back to sleep

 

Tuesday – increased dose to 2mg at 5pm

 

8.30 – woke up, anxiety, inner tremor, smoke, read SA

9am – moderate akathisia, inner tension, in arms tension

11am – had a shower, struggling to stand, akathisia, ate banana

1pm – trying to watch tv, akathisia, some SI

3pm – moderate/severe akathisia, shaking,

5pm – increased dose 2mg Sertraline, ate soup

6pm – akathisia, some chest pain, tongue stuck to top of mouth

7pm – RLS

8pm – RLS

9pm – moderate aka and RLS, some SI

11pm – sleep

2am – wake up, anxiety, dozed on and off

 

Wednesday – decreased dose to 1mg sertraline

 

8am – got up, panic, anxiety

10 – aka, jittery, panic, confused, reading SA

12pm –tense, uncomfortable, jittery, nausea

2pm – less shaky and panicky but very spacey in head

3pm – shaky and full body vibrations, RLS, Smoking a lot

4.30 – took 1mg Sertraline

5pm - inner tension and very shaky, spacey head

[Londoner]

@Gridley, @Altostrata, @ChessieCat, sorry to tag you it's just I wondered if you saw my posts from yesterday morning regarding the continuation of my akathisia symptoms and whether you had any guidance. Yesterday I went back to taking 1mg Sertraline because I wasn't sure whether the increase to 2mg was causing more aka and RLS. I had another bad night last night with the aka. I'm afraid I had to take an antihistamine. I haven't yet spoken to my psychiatrist but I hope to be today. 

The only other thing I can think of apart from switching to citalopram or fluoxetine is whether to add a tiny dose of Mirtazipine. This is supposedly more sedating. I have one experience of taking Mirtazipine 10 years ago. It was a full dose and I had a lot of side effects including rage, endless eating and tiredness. 

Sorry for making all these suggestions, it's just I am desperate. 

I'd really appreciate your thoughts 🙏

[Altostrata]

On 4/13/2021 at 9:50 AM, Londoner said:

I took a 2mg dose of Sertraline today at 5pm. That's a 1mg increase. I hope you think that's ok? I thought it was worth the risk because of the extent of my akathisia symptoms combined with what Gridley posted a few days ago about giving it 10-11 days and then potentially increasing the dose. I really hope I haven't rushed into it too quickly...

 

You posted this on April 13, and reported that night you were unable to sleep. Was your sleep worse than usual that night?

 

If you increased sertraline to 2mg on April 13, its effect would gradually grow over 3-4 days. Between April 13 and today, have you felt activation to gradually increase?

[Londoner]

Thanks @Altostrata,

Yes, I increased that one day to 2mg but I wasn't sure whether it caused a worsening of symptoms or not. I was already experiencing akathisia. The following day I went back down to 1mg and aka plus poor sleep continued. Yesterday I increased the dose to 5mg. Poor sleep has got worse but aka doesn't seem quite so overwhelming. I'm at a bit of loss right now. I'm in such a bad state.

 

 

 

My notes are :

 

 

Tuesday – increased dose to 2mg

 

8.30 – woke up, anxiety, inner tremor, smoke, read SA

9am – moderate akathisia, inner tension, in arms tension

11am – had a shower, struggling to stand, akathisia, ate banana

1pm – trying to watch tv, akathisia, some SI

3pm – moderate/severe akathisia, shaking,

5pm – increased dose 2mg Sertraline, ate soup

6pm – akathisia, some chest pain, tongue stuck to top of mouth

7pm – RLS

8pm – RLS

9pm – moderate aka and RLS, some SI

11pm – sleep

2am – wake up, anxiety, dozed on and off

 

Wednesday – decreased dose to 1mg

 

8am – got up, panic, anxiety

10 – aka, jittery, panic, confused, reading SA

12pm –tense, uncomfortable, jittery, nausea

2pm – less shaky and panicky but very spacey in head

3pm – shaky and full body vibrations, RLS, Smoking a lot

4.30 – took 1mg Sertraline

6pm – ate 2 eggs, RLS, akathisia, shaking

7.30 – relief from the aka, watched tv and closed my eyes for an hour

8pm – smoke caused some shakiness, ate avocado

9pm – watched tv, bit of nausea and slight head pain, hand tremor tingling in arms but feels like a mini window  ☼

 

10pm - bed

 

Thursday

 

2am- wake up, aka, shaking, try to doze

3.30 – fully awake, aka, full body shaking

4am – took antihistimine tablet, calmed down a bit, dozed off

8am – woke up, aka, shaking, dry mouth

10 – reading SA, feel awful, spacy head, shaky, nauseus

12pm – ate banana, shaky, anxious, spacy head, restless, funny nasal passage from antihistimine

1pm slightly less tension, feel bit tired, pressure in left ear

2pm – Epsom salt bath, tired, spacey blocked head, not so tense

3pm – feeling tired, bit shaky, spoke to psychiatrist

4pm – took 1mg sertraline

4.30 - therapy

5pm – ate two eggs, shaky, triggered by story on SA, feeling scared

7pm – support group, some tension, enjoyed group

8pm – improved mood, had magnesium glycinate, organised stuff for moving, spacey head, some anxiety

10pm - bed

 

Friday – updose to 5mg (10ml) Sertraline

 

2am – wake up, anxious, tried to doze

5am – got up, smoke, high anxiety, SI, magnesium, antihistimine

6am – sleep

9.30 – wake up, tremor, anxiety, shaky

11am – restless, tremor, anxiety, sorting stuff for move, diarrhoea, bleeding nose from antihistimine

2pm – tension, don’t know what to do, akathesia, shaky, anxious, considering updose

4pm took 5mg Sertraline

5pm – bit shaky, feel braindead, difficulty reading and focusing, still have some motivation

6pm – very blank, cotton wool head, no memory, some shakiness

7pm – braindead, cant focus or sit still for long

8pm – dinner with mum

9pm – watch tv upstairs, Epsom salt bath and 50mg mag in water

10 – bed

11pm – 1am – dozed

1.30- woke up shaky, meditate, antihistimine half tab

4am – sleep

7am – wake up, very shaky

[Londoner]

Update: following the increase to 5mg my akathisia has morphed more into that of the body. Constantly needing to pace. Previously it was mainly a deeply uncomfortable inner tension with a lot of suicidal ideation. I am not so suicidal but obviously the constant need to move is unsustainable. 

Does anyone have any advice or experience with successfully treating akathisia? Please 

[Rosetta]

Until a Mod can answer you this will have to do:

 

In the future, please don’t double or triple the dose for any reason unless a Mod tells you differently (and I doubt one ever will.) 

 

I think, if I were you, I would take 1 mg until a Mod can read your thread.  The reason I say this is because the 5 mg dose might be a shock your system a bit.  I would be nervous about taking 2 mg the next time.  Over 4 days the total increase might be lowered by taking 1 mg for the next doses until a Mod chimes in.  That’s my reasoning, and I’m telling you what I would do, not what you should do.  I really don’t know the answer.  I could be wrong, but that approach seems like the cautious approach at this point.
 

It’s possible the 2 mg is too much, it’s possible it’s just right or that it’s not enough. You did not have a chance to find out before the 5 mg dose.  So, to be on the safe side wait for a Mod.  Taking 5 mg was not a good idea, that’s certain.  During a reinstatement you should very slowly updose by small amounts for 2 reasons:

1. to avoid overshooting the right dose, and 

2. to avoid large increases in doses.  Even for people who are stable and taking the doses that doctors give them, doubling the dose is a terrible idea.  We see large updoses on reinstatement go wrong here at SA.  
 

My experience with updoses of Zoloft after CT of Celexa was quite terrible.  I started at 10 mg, and the doctor increased by whatever the manufactured dose in pill form allowed — 20, 30, etc up to 150.  Usually, the dose was doubled.  Sometimes, he would tell me to break a pill and add it to another pill.  I was never prescribed the very next possible manufactured dose by giving me several sizes of pills (such as 10 and 20 and 100) that were scored and breakable.  It was disasterous.

The windows and waves nature of stabilization of the nervous system makes it imperative that changes be made to reinstatement doses only after the last change has had a chance.  Worsening symptoms on any particular day do not mean the dose is too low.  You will have waves that build up and fade out regardless of reinstatement.  Those waves can be mistaken for indications that the dose is too low or too high.  They aren’t.  They will happen no matter what.

[Londoner]

Thanks Rosetta, I totally agree with your advice. I am sorry to have increased the dose as I knew it was risky. What I'm really struggling with is the akathisia and panic. I'm getting waves everyday and they are so intolerable and I can't seem to control myself when I'm in them. I seem to have this insurmountable desire to find an end to my suffering. I am not experiencing aka right now and I can think more clearly. But it will return and I am terrified. I don't believe I can overcome it. 

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place because the reinstated Sertraline does seem to improve my mood and motivation which is important given my suicidal ideation but on the other hand, the Sertraline also seems to be quite activating for me resulting in more pacing during aka as well as worse sleep.

Thank you so much for your advice and support. I really wish I could return the favour and one day I will.

Did anything help you to not make rash decisions when you were experiencing aka?

[Altostrata]

If you feel worse after increasing to 5mg, that was not the direction you want to go.

 

Yes, please go back to 1mg, take it at the same time each day and post your notes.

[Toast]

@Londoner, Just wanted to stop by to say I am following your posts and I am rooting for you. Your suffering sounds so terrible and I know how it feels like to feel like you would do anything to make the suffering stop. Like Rosetta mentioned, the world benefits so much from having you here -- once you make it through to the other side and are well again (and you will make it through!) and write your success story, you will be another person who can speak to the iatrogenic harms of psychiatric drugs. Keep surviving day by day. Sending love ❤️

[Londoner]

Thanks you all for your lovely messages and guidance. I will try to stay the course and not make decisions when I'm in akathisia. I'm really really really going to try. I've read all of the threads I can find on akathisia but if anyone reading this has experienced it and has any guidance for me it would be so appreciated. The urge to act is so high when I'm in that state and I can't seem to find a reliable way to accept that feeling/mental anguish. Even knowing that it passes doesn't seem prevent me from obsessing on solutions.

 

@Toast Thanks so much for your lovely words of encouragement. They mean a lot. I hope you're doing ok? 

[Erell]

Hello @Londoner

 

Obsessing on solutions is understandable while going through intense symptoms, it is human and I think we all can understand.

 

The best tip I've found when restlessness is high is to try to distract as best as I can :

- do you manage to take some walks, touch some trees, listen to songbirds?

- can you think about an activity that involve your hands? I find it often helps a bit.

Like gardening, cleaning a bit,...

- I've you tried cold or hot water ?

For example, I find that fresh water on my legs can help. Others find that hot baths help.

- Sometimes I find that a good cry helps  : I allow myself to cry and my body to relieve some tension.

- Read Success Stories, remember that the outcome is improvement.

 

And don't feel guilty : if you can only take it hour by hour or minute by minute, then it's perfectly ok.

Do what you can, that's all.

 

 

In any case, try to remember this is only temporary ❤

 

And as Altostrata said, if the overstimulation increased with 5mg, it might be best to drop back down to 1mg.

 

Hang on dear ☀️

Edited April 18, 2021 by Erell

[Altostrata]

Please post daily notes.

[Pawlove]

Hi @Londoner,

 

I am so sorry you are suffering so much. Akathisia is the worst. Please know you have so many people pulling for you here. I will admit that I had wondered what I was doing, tapering paxil when I was doing so well before starting. And that I was concerned that the horrible akathisia might be here with me to stay. But I am now 4 nights totally without it. It was so amazing and was sudden. Not gradual. I was waiting for it the first night and when it didn't happen it was like a different body. I will start week 6 tomorrow since making a paxil cut. The insomnia has not gotten better so I will hold longer but having the ak gone was a huge relief. It will happen for you, I just know it will. 🤗

[Londoner]

I've had another very bad night of sleep, 2 hours of very broken sleep with huge cortisol surges and shaking on waking. My sleep has got progressively worse over the past 3 weeks. I'm also getting nose bleeds. I thought as a result of taking the antihistamine but now they are happening a lot even when I don't take it. I. occasionally got nose bleeds the last year I was taking 200mg. Is this another withdrawal symptom or a sign I am reacting badly to reinstatement?

If any mods can look at my daily notes I'd be grateful.

[Londoner]

Saturday – 1mg

 

7am – wake up, very shaky

8am – banana, shaky,

9am – shower, motivated but super antsy and pumped up, can’t relax

11 – restless akathisia, keep on pacing, mood ok, can’t sit still

12 – took dog for a walk, restless, reading SA, took betablocker half tab

2pm – went to SE1, aka in the car, SI,  read SA, 

3pm – did lots of packing, very fogg head, depersonalisation, some neuro emotions, but motivated to be busy

7pm – Home, took 1mg dose of Sertraline

8pm – feel relaxed reading SA ☼

9pm – full dinner with mum

10pm –bed

11pm – sleep

2.30am – wake up cortisol spike, shakng, some hopelessness on waking, mind not too bad, mag water, full cap trying to distract, smoke

4.30 – reading SA, no antihistimine

5.30 – sleep

 

Sunday

 

7.30 – wake up

8am – smoke, some inner tension and RLS, shaky

9am – mild bout of restlessness, shaking yoga helped, trying to cut down on cigs with gum

10pm – looking on SA, mind not too bad, shaking and weakness in body and legs

1pm – feeling relatively calm, spacy, braindead, reading SA, ate banana and avocado

3pm – feel braindead but not distressed, reading SA

5.30pm – 1mg Sertraline, smoke, tension rising, tingling arms, ate egg

7pm – tingling in arms, mood ok

8pm – struggled but had dinner, did stepping, impatient aka, some intrusive thoughts, mood ok

9pm – reading SA, some adrenaline

10pm – bed

11pm – sleep

2am - wake up cortisol spike, shakng, some hopelessness on waking, mind not too bad, mag water, hot flash

5.30 – sleep

6.30 – wake up, cortisol surge, full body shaking

[Londoner]

@Altostrata @Gridley Please please, if you have any advice. For the past few days the akathisia has ramped up significantly after taking my one mg Sertraline dose. I've just taken today's and I almost immediately sicked it up and akathisia has gone into overdrive. What's best to do? Is there a plan B? Can I just stop the reinstatement or not?

[Londoner]

I fear I will have to go into hospital or kill myself

[Londoner]

I'm begging you. I'm sorry but please 

[Gridley]

20 minutes ago, Londoner said:

Can I just stop the reinstatement or not?

If you are worse after a reinstatement, you should stop it immediately.

 

20 minutes ago, Londoner said:

I fear I will have to go into hospital or kill myself

If you are really feeling suicidal, you need to seek out local help, and speak to someone trained in dealing with this.  Are there any groups locally that you can access?  See:  For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

 

I am sorry that you are feeling so desperate.

 

From this topic:  for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal

 

   On 12/23/2014 at 8:10 AM,  mammaP said: 

 

Sadly, many of us have felt that we simply cannot carry on. Most of us here have been in that situation, some as a side effect of medication and others from withdrawal. It is a feeling that is all consuming and taunts us day and night. We are all deeply saddened to see a fellow member feeling so low and being powerless to help. We are not professionals and not equipped to offer the support and guidance that is needed, but are here to offer understanding and empathy.  

 

What you are feeling is real, it is devastating and it hurts, but it will get better.  In the meantime it is important that you talk to someone. Talking about your feelings will help you to deal with them. There are many agencies that have helplines dedicated to helping people who are suicidal and I am going to post links to some organisations that can offer the support that we can't.  

 

Talking helps us to put things into perspective and release some of the tension, especially when no-one seems to understand or believe what we are going through. If you are religious then maybe someone at your church will understand and listen without judgement. 

 

I have found helplines extremely helpful in the past, sometimes talking to a stranger who doesn't know you is easier. They  have no preconceptions and do not judge you, simply listen as you pour out your heart.

 

 If the feelings are overwhelming then call the emergency room, or accident and emergency department of your local hospital. 

 

We at SA care about you very much and want to see you get better, it is devastating for all of us when someone cannot take any more and wish we could do more but we are limited in what we can offer.

 

Please tell us how you are feeling, but  please understand how it is for us when someone says they are going to end their life and not come back. We do not want to lose you, we want you to get better.

[Londoner]

Thanks Gridley, should I do anything else re. meds? Is there a plan B or best worst option?

[Rosetta]

Hi.  I’m here.  There are options.  If you can access local help please do. If not, call a hotline. There are hotlines and a Samaritan text messaging project in the UK, right?  Call CALM 0808 802 58 58.  Open from EDIT: 5:00 PM to midnight.  https://www.thecalmzone.net. There’s a web at service, and I can’t figure out how to get into it, but it’s also staffed until midnight.  Any medicine you take can cause a paradoxical reaction, but the only thing that ever helped me was Benadryl.  The aftermath was awful so I quit using it.  Try to call the hotline instead of taking Benadryl.

[Rosetta]

Web chat service at CALM.  I think you can get to it through that link, but I can’t because I’m in the US.  Search on google “Webchat CALM” and you should be able to reach it.

[Rosetta]

Not 8:00 am.  It’s 5:00 pm. to midnight. I think it’s 4:30 where you are now.  Hold on until 5:00 and call.

 

You can text a service called SHOUT at 85258 for help by text https://giveusashout.org

[Rosetta]

Samaritans 24/7 call 116 123. Odd number, I know, but they changed it to that on purpose.   www.samaritans.org

[Rosetta]

So, you think you vomited and the pill came out?

[Londoner]

I'm desperately afraid. What will happen if I stop the reinstatement? Will I go back into full blown aka with calling the emergency services constantly? If I'm hospitalised, is there any treatment that is better then others?

[Londoner]

@Rosetta yes, I think at least a lot of it came up

[Londoner]

Thank you so much for being here

[Londoner]

How will I endure when the akathisia comes back?

[Pawlove]

@Londoner, there is a young lady on SA who has written so much that has helped me. She has had an extremely long recovery but she did recover. She also had akathisia that I see in her story she feels has resolved. She said she still walks and paces but the inner torment is gone. Her name is @Aurorax. I hope it's ok that I copy and paste something she wrote here... if not I know one of the moderators will let me know...

 

Intrusive thoughts can be painful, probably because we tend to think that we are our thoughts. We are not, and that becomes very clear when we go through wd.
   You may have to live with these thoughts for a while, so why not invite them? Listen to them just as you listen to a radio or watch tv. They are not you, and you don't have to believe what they are saying. I know they can be deeply disturbing but try to see if you can laugh at them. That won't make them go away, but they may become less frightening.

 

Yes, I feared not making it, especially during the 16 months of endgame tapering and acute withdrawal. I sometimes thought that I should be compassionate to myself and end it all instead of enduring more meaningless suffering. I thought I was too weak to live and that my life was over. I sometimes regretted that I found out about the pills and started tapering, thinking I could have had a few more good years on the drug instead of having to die now.
   All these thoughts were just various ways of telling myself that I needed my drug. I believe these kinds of doubts are a common wd symptom.
 
Things got better when my personality started to come back, but I still had serious doubts that I would make it. I had very low self-esteem after all my years in psychiatry, and losing everything and having to rely on relatives for housing and help to get by made me feel like a failure. I doubted that I could take care of myself or have a home again, even if the wd-symptoms disappeared.

   I also had doubts that I would ever be able to be in the same room as another person without feeling terror. I knew that I could no longer tolerate SSRIs and didn't want to take benzo, so I spent a lot of time thinking about what other drugs I could take instead. I decided to give it a few years, and if didn't recover, then I was going to start morphine or heroin.
   That was a sad and comforting thought at the same time.

 

What I’m trying to say is that it's easy to get the impression that those of us that have recovered from severe and long-lasting wd is extraordinary mentally strong or emotionally stable people. I don't think that's the case, at least not with me. The thing we have in common is that we didn't give up.

   You don't have to feel resilient or even hopeful to survive this. You only have to walk the distance no matter how you feel or where you believe you will end up. Make sure you have somewhere to live, eat, get some sleep if possible, and don't kill yourself. That's all you have to do. I know that's a full-time job at times, but you will get through this. You don't have to believe in healing, because healing is inevitable.

 

What you are feeling and thinking about yourself now says very little about who you really are and what your future holds. Hold on to the memory of who you were before the pills. You will be a wiser version of that person when all of this is over.

[Rosetta]

By remembering that it’s not permanent.  By taking a shower (hot or cold) or putting your feet in hot water or getting in the bath.  By distracting yourself by walking.  By doing something with your hands.

 

I think it might be a good idea if you decide how many cigarettes you are going to smoke and having a schedule for smoking them.  As many as you need.  Keep track of how many you have throughout the day and choose a number.  Then decide when you will have each one.