Jump to content

Londoner: any help would be much appreciated


Londoner

Recommended Posts

Rosetta

Yes.  Yes and yes.  It is normal to be incapable of seeing out just as you describe.  Absolutely.  
 

Your situation does not compare to mine because I had a kindling issue going on for months and months after I quit ADs and Xanax in the month of December.  I believed I had avoided Xanax dependency.  It was easy to quit.  I felt very good for a couple of weeks afterward.   Then, due to insomnia, I was prescribed Trazodone.  I found SA about 5 or 6 months after I quit Trazodone.  I had quit T in the month of February.  It took me ages to understand the information here.  My brain did not work and nothing made sense to me.  I had a glass of wine with dinner, or a cocktail at a party, sometimes without understanding that alcohol would drive my body deeper and deeper into dysautonomia (withdrawal syndrome.)  So, having my worst month be November makes sense if I was kindling my system with alcohol — even just one glass of wine with a meal once a month can kindle a sensitive nervous system.  There is no need to be intoxicated or tipsy — the simple act of drink the glass will upset the nervous system more.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post
  • Replies 238
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Londoner

    121

  • Rosetta

    43

  • Altostrata

    14

  • ChessieCat

    9

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Oh, I was not functional.  At some point, I accepted it.  I mean, I had to rationalize that acceptance .  I had to say to myself, “If you had a brain injury from a car accident, you would not beat you

This is very normal in withdrawal. Very common phenom actually. When you're in it, it feels just like it's a true fact that "you have never felt good, you will never feel good, this is all you will ge

Hey Londoner,   Just wanted to drop in and see how you were doing. I saw you mentioned because of your drugs history and time on drugs etc you felt like you would never heal. I've spent a lo

  • Moderator Emeritus
Rhiannon
5 hours ago, Londoner said:

 

This is what's so scary about this syndrome. When I'm in the depths of it, I simply can't see out. I don't know if others have an easier time of 'seeing out' of the fog but for me, in the last 3 months, I have proved time and time again that I am incapable of reasoning with my withdrawal brain. My only option seems to be to cling on and try to prevent suicide. I will need it for tomorrow.

 

Does it get easier to 'see out' of a wave as time goes on? Is it normal to be incapable of it to this extent?

 

This is very normal in withdrawal. Very common phenom actually. When you're in it, it feels just like it's a true fact that "you have never felt good, you will never feel good, this is all you will get forever."  You literally can't remember a different reality. It's like this black hole that sucks up all the light and you can't see out of it when you're in it.

 

But it always passes, at first not for as long or as often as we would like, but as time and healing goes along you get more and more time out of the hole until being out of the hole becomes the normal and being in it is the exception.

 

It's actually just another symptom of WD, another neuro-emotion if you will, but it's super frustrating and scary and weird because your brain is just convinced that it's true! Until it's not, and then you can see it.

 

The only suggestion I have is to keep journaling, like here in your thread or elsewhere, so that maybe you will see that sometimes you actually said, yourself, that things were better. And keep reaching out for support and sharing. You are not alone. You are doing exactly what needs to be done. Cling on. Hang on by your fingernails. Stay alive. Hang. In. There. It will be worth it.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                   1

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

Link to post
Vonnegutjunky

Londoner, sorry it took me so long to reply. I’ve been so busy and the stress really affects me. 
 

there is no pill to heal your brain. 
 

your brain is healing and the changes in your symptoms  are exactly how mine were. Your windows get longer, and longer. For me the waves only easier, that’s the hard part. But your windows getting longer are the key. 
 

this will continue for the next 2 years as you keep healing. Don’t sabotage this healing by trying meds or supplements. 
 

I am now able to take fish oil and vitamin d. 
 

before I couldn’t. 
 

I used Benadryl in emergency situations early on, others have done this too with bad results. So be leery of trying this. It only helped for about 2 hours and it never made the aka go away. 
 

keep pushing, use your spirituality or faith right now and just distract yourself. Normally I wouldn’t say that because in a he always brain meditation  and mindfulness can be helpful, but not where you are right now. That probably won’t help. 
 

eat your favorite foods. Get enjoyment out of food that you love, that can help distract….listen to tv shows that play laugh tracks in the background, color, do puzzles, play silly video games, or watch small videos on YouTube. All day every day all I did was watch some guy put doll houses together. They weren’t very long so I could pay attention. I also watched asmr videos of a lady folding towles very gently, that helped a lot. 
 

and reading success stories on here - I did that for hours and hours. Read success stories please, they help give you hope. 

 

*Currently at 3.3mg off my 10mg pill of Paxil (they actually weigh 12.5mg) so I’m around 7.4 mg 

*No other supplements or vitamins 

*Taper schedule in the pdf 

Blank.pdf

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-5vShtJtwAOGA30OxIP87steLmMdFzD29F0fzAPD564

Link to post
Londoner

Thanks so much for all of your posts and advice. I can't tell you how much it means to me. I am really being pummelled and I have a lot of fear that this just isn't possible for me. Even if I don't respond, please know how much your words of encouragement and reassurance mean to me.

In summary, cycled through a number of SSRI/SNRI medications in 2010, stayed on 100mg Sertraline for 5 years followed by 5 years on 200mg.

Valium started in 2011-2018 up to doses of 16mg. Tapered off slowly over years. Difficult to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from the symptoms I was already experiencing due to Sertraline tolerance withdrawal

Briefly tried Lamotrigine and Bupropion in 2020.

Started withdrawing from Sertraline in August 2020. Came down by 50mg every 2-3 weeks. Med free since mid Sept 2020.

3 April 2021 - reinstated 1mg Sertraline, April 13th increased dose to 2mg Sertraline, April 16th increased to 5mg for one day. Stopped reinstatement on 19th April.

Main symptoms as of Nov 2020: Chronic headaches accompanied by feelings of deep despair, stomach ache/nausea, brain fog and memory issues, disturbed circadian rhythm.

End March 2021 symptoms: Extreme suicidal akathisia and restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, morning surges of panic, panic throughout the day. Unbearable.

April - suicidal akathisia, cortisol surges through the night, insomnia, shaking, GI issues

Supplements: Melatonin 2.5mg a night

Link to post
  • Administrator
Altostrata

If you look at our Success Stories, and then go back and read the associated Introductions topics, you'll see many people posting about their worries they will never recover. 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to post
  • 3 weeks later...
Londoner

Does anyone have a contact address for Stuart Shipko? I am desperate and on the verge of dying

In summary, cycled through a number of SSRI/SNRI medications in 2010, stayed on 100mg Sertraline for 5 years followed by 5 years on 200mg.

Valium started in 2011-2018 up to doses of 16mg. Tapered off slowly over years. Difficult to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from the symptoms I was already experiencing due to Sertraline tolerance withdrawal

Briefly tried Lamotrigine and Bupropion in 2020.

Started withdrawing from Sertraline in August 2020. Came down by 50mg every 2-3 weeks. Med free since mid Sept 2020.

3 April 2021 - reinstated 1mg Sertraline, April 13th increased dose to 2mg Sertraline, April 16th increased to 5mg for one day. Stopped reinstatement on 19th April.

Main symptoms as of Nov 2020: Chronic headaches accompanied by feelings of deep despair, stomach ache/nausea, brain fog and memory issues, disturbed circadian rhythm.

End March 2021 symptoms: Extreme suicidal akathisia and restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, morning surges of panic, panic throughout the day. Unbearable.

April - suicidal akathisia, cortisol surges through the night, insomnia, shaking, GI issues

Supplements: Melatonin 2.5mg a night

Link to post
  • Moderator
manymoretodays

Hi Londoner,

On 7/12/2021 at 12:43 AM, Londoner said:

Does anyone have a contact address for Stuart Shipko? I am desperate and on the verge of dying

My understanding is that Dr. Shipko has retired from practice.

I don't know if you follow the MadInAmerica site much, there is even a UK version.

I'll link you up to the US site map:  https://www.madinamerica.com/sitemap/

If you scroll down you'll find a link to the UK version, as well as a provider directory.

 

Happy to hold your hand, whenever.   Sounds awful.  Are you pacing non-stop or is it just the constant obsessive thinking going on.  How's your support system on the ground?   Any practical, loving kind support that you can find will be invaluable, and sometimes we find that in ourselves as well.  That quiet still voice that says, "keep going, keep trying, I'm here for you, you can get through this, and anything now".

Eat, sleep, distract, change the channel, and just frankly........hang on!

 

And just in case there is something here that resonates:
For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

The first post there is well worth a read, and then you might find what's been gathered up for the UK.  I've heard the Good Samaritans are great listeners.  No experience using myself, as I'm a master at coping now.  Working on building up my own life too, at this time.

 

Okay, and best.  Pulling for you.......to ride it out.  It's well worth it to do so.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Link to post
Rosetta

Hi, Londoner.  You are not alone, although I have been dealing with my own stuff recently, and I didn’t see your post two days ago.  What’s going on?

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post
Londoner

Thanks @manymoretodays and @Rosetta. Your support means so much to me.

I don't pace that much but a bit when distressed. It doesn't help at all because the vast majority is mental torment. Appalling mental torment. I am very frightened because the last two months in particular I have had very intense suicidal urges. Not just thoughts. Baylissa Fredericks is helping me but I feel certain that this withdrawal is going to take my life. I have SI/urges pretty much everyday. It's so difficult because I find it near impossible to distract from. 

Tomorrow is my 10 months off. I don't know what to do. I know there is nothing that can help me (meds/ECT) but that just adds to my sense that death is the only way.

I thought perhaps that Dr Shipko may have some experience with people in my situation and be able to offer some advice. I have briefly emailed with David Healy. He suggested red wine and exercise for akathisia. Exercise is out when I am in that much distress and when I am not, I have a lot of fatigue and over exertion worsens my symptoms. I'm not sure about the red wine either.

I have been reading threads desperately searching for answers. @Carmie and @Fresh both had suicidal akathisia and were helped by medication/hospital stays. I am desperate but also terrified to even try anything.

I keep reading Rosetta's thread because my symptoms are similar and it gives me hope that she survived and that her acute period lasted 4 months and then she saw some improvement. But I also think that her symptoms were predominantly on the anxiety side whereas my akathisia of the mind is very much on the hopelessness/depression and intense suicidal. How am I going to survive? Rosetta, were your suicidal thoughts overwhelming or were you able to access some reason whilst you were experiencing them? I am in agony a lot of the time.

In summary, cycled through a number of SSRI/SNRI medications in 2010, stayed on 100mg Sertraline for 5 years followed by 5 years on 200mg.

Valium started in 2011-2018 up to doses of 16mg. Tapered off slowly over years. Difficult to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from the symptoms I was already experiencing due to Sertraline tolerance withdrawal

Briefly tried Lamotrigine and Bupropion in 2020.

Started withdrawing from Sertraline in August 2020. Came down by 50mg every 2-3 weeks. Med free since mid Sept 2020.

3 April 2021 - reinstated 1mg Sertraline, April 13th increased dose to 2mg Sertraline, April 16th increased to 5mg for one day. Stopped reinstatement on 19th April.

Main symptoms as of Nov 2020: Chronic headaches accompanied by feelings of deep despair, stomach ache/nausea, brain fog and memory issues, disturbed circadian rhythm.

End March 2021 symptoms: Extreme suicidal akathisia and restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, morning surges of panic, panic throughout the day. Unbearable.

April - suicidal akathisia, cortisol surges through the night, insomnia, shaking, GI issues

Supplements: Melatonin 2.5mg a night

Link to post
Rosetta

The SI was extremely intense for me.  Aka would build up and build up, then peak, and slowly recede.  This happened over and over.  It was very difficult to live through, but I refused to give up, I suppose.  I lived in fear of the next episode, and I felt despondent at the thought of the condition happening over and over.  Eventually, aka lessened in frequency, intensity and duration.  It continued to lessen more and more until it became so infrequent that I felt hope for its disappearance.  It almost never happens now, and it’s tolerable.  It will disappear, Londoner.  You have to outlive it.

 

I do not like the idea of drinking red wine.  Alcohol kindles the nervous system.  My experience was that an occasional glass of white wine seemed to prolong paws for me.  Granted, it was not red wine, and it was a wine glass full.  Perhaps there is a reason Healy recommends red.  I know doctors prescribe benzos for aka.  Alcohol has a similar effect.  If you try it, drink only two or three sips, not a whole glass.  However, do you think you are having aka WHEN you feel SI?  Or do you think that after the aka peaks you feel deeply depressed?  (Or both.)

 

Definitely, I would not drink red wine if SI is occurring after aka has peaked and you are feeling depressed.  After each time aka peaked, I fell into a deep emotional trough.  I had been drained.  At times, during this “hangover” type of reaction, I felt so hopeless, but the SI was of a different sort.  It wasn’t the “jump off the 10th floor to escape the building on fire” type of SI.  It was the depression, hopelessness, “I can’t go through that again” type.  I feel that any alcohol at that time would a big mistake.  The purpose of the sedative effect of either benzos or alcohol is to calm the system in acute aka.  I was not in acute aka while in the trough.  I did not need to go further “down,” and there would be no benefit to offset the risk of prolonging paws via kindling.

 

Does that make any sense?  Another problem is that you can’t drink sips of red wine every day or every time you feel you need it.  You will have to suffer through some of the aka without it.  It’s very hard to know when aka has peaked until after it has done so.  I could never tell when it would lessen, and it lessened so slightly moment by moment.  Usually, I would fall asleep at night, and it would be gone in the morning.  However, if I could not fall asleep that might have been an indication that it was not on the downhill side.
 

So, you don’t want to irritate or kindle your system with wine too often by using it every time you feel the panicky, jump out of your skin type of SI.  If you decide to follow Healy’s advice, you will have to ration the wine, both in quantity and frequency.  That may be hard to do if an entire bottle is sitting there and you feel the terror of aka.  
 

I wish I could snap my fingers and make it better for you.  Please know that you can live through this.  It feels that you can’t, but I’m proof.
 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post
Londoner

Thanks so much @Rosetta. That's very good advice. I'm too nervous to try the wine. You describe very accurately the type of SI I have been getting. A lot of the hopelessness and despair. It's like the first two month I had the panicky/adrenaline aka symptoms and the past two months have been the hopelessness and deep SI. It's very scary.

In summary, cycled through a number of SSRI/SNRI medications in 2010, stayed on 100mg Sertraline for 5 years followed by 5 years on 200mg.

Valium started in 2011-2018 up to doses of 16mg. Tapered off slowly over years. Difficult to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from the symptoms I was already experiencing due to Sertraline tolerance withdrawal

Briefly tried Lamotrigine and Bupropion in 2020.

Started withdrawing from Sertraline in August 2020. Came down by 50mg every 2-3 weeks. Med free since mid Sept 2020.

3 April 2021 - reinstated 1mg Sertraline, April 13th increased dose to 2mg Sertraline, April 16th increased to 5mg for one day. Stopped reinstatement on 19th April.

Main symptoms as of Nov 2020: Chronic headaches accompanied by feelings of deep despair, stomach ache/nausea, brain fog and memory issues, disturbed circadian rhythm.

End March 2021 symptoms: Extreme suicidal akathisia and restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, morning surges of panic, panic throughout the day. Unbearable.

April - suicidal akathisia, cortisol surges through the night, insomnia, shaking, GI issues

Supplements: Melatonin 2.5mg a night

Link to post
Londoner

I spoke to Dr Shipko yesterday and he outlined the medication options for akathisia. I already knew them of course; reinstatement of Sertraline or benzos. As you may have read, he is quite an advocate for benzo treatment of aka and is very pessimistic about people who just stick it out without meds.

It's sent me through a loop a bit because in my heart I know that neither reinstatement nor benzos will work for me. Sertraline stopped working for me a long time ago and benzos are too dangerous in terms of tolerance and paradoxical reactions.

The reason it is such an impossible decision is that I feel that this withdrawal will take my life and I'm so scared. Did you feel that way? If so, did you get to a point where you no longer feared for your life? I think I am in my acute right now, at least I hope this is as bad as it gets. Its a very similar timeframe as your acute and many others. Acute started at 6/ 6.5 months and today is 10 months free and I pray that it lets up soon.

In summary, cycled through a number of SSRI/SNRI medications in 2010, stayed on 100mg Sertraline for 5 years followed by 5 years on 200mg.

Valium started in 2011-2018 up to doses of 16mg. Tapered off slowly over years. Difficult to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from the symptoms I was already experiencing due to Sertraline tolerance withdrawal

Briefly tried Lamotrigine and Bupropion in 2020.

Started withdrawing from Sertraline in August 2020. Came down by 50mg every 2-3 weeks. Med free since mid Sept 2020.

3 April 2021 - reinstated 1mg Sertraline, April 13th increased dose to 2mg Sertraline, April 16th increased to 5mg for one day. Stopped reinstatement on 19th April.

Main symptoms as of Nov 2020: Chronic headaches accompanied by feelings of deep despair, stomach ache/nausea, brain fog and memory issues, disturbed circadian rhythm.

End March 2021 symptoms: Extreme suicidal akathisia and restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, morning surges of panic, panic throughout the day. Unbearable.

April - suicidal akathisia, cortisol surges through the night, insomnia, shaking, GI issues

Supplements: Melatonin 2.5mg a night

Link to post

Londoner I don’t have any advice for you as I’m needing it myself but I do know the pain your in. Please know your not alone in this journey and everyone dose heal eventually, you just have to hold onto that hope. When we’re feeling desperate we will try anything but sometimes nothing is the best way. Have a look at inner compass on Facebook , there’s an interview with Chris Paige that is worth watching, he has aka and has healed . @Rosetta had come along way from were she started and in an inspiration 
Just remember that being on that drug for so long then coming off it like you did is no wonder you feel the way you do and time heals . Healing will happen but unfortunately we have to go through it and there’s no quick fix. We are here to support each other because we only now what it’s like. Sending you a big hug 🫂 

1995 started Paxil 20mg slowly increasing to 50mg until 2014

-2014 I decided to tapper myself not knowing how too and crashed , DR added 50mg Seraquel

-2015 tried tapering again and crashed

Seroquel Taper

2/11/16 43mg  1/09/17  37.5mg  10/03/10 36.25mg. 17/3/19 35mg 26/3/19 33.75mg  4/4/19 32.5mg  21/4/19 30mg

16/7/19 28.75mg  5/8/19 27.5mg. 19/8/19 25mg   4/8/20 23mg 18/8/20 22.5mg  12/10/20 18.25mg  10/1/21 15mg  3/8/21 UPDOSE 16mg

Paxil Taper

2/11/16 40mg 12/10/17 37mg  28/10/17 36mg  10/1/18. 35mg  24/05/18 33mg  28/8/18 31mg 16/12/18 30mg 20/10/19 29mg  17/11/19 28mg 7/1/20  27mg 12/2/20  26mg 7/3 /20 25mg  11/4/20 24mg 4/5/20 23mg  5/6/20 22mg 23/6/20 21mg 15/7/20 20mg

Untitled.rtf

Link to post
Shellbell

@Londoner

i wanted to reach out to you just to tell you I’m thinking about you. 
I’m going through 100% of what your dealing with and it’s brutal. Akathesia and suicidal thoughts are the absolute worst nightmare. I deal with it daily then the crash into suicidal depression which is almost as bad. I’ve been reading this thread and getting hope from the responses I see from @Rosetta as well as everyone else

i pray for you and us all

  • 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 
  • 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 
  • 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks  jumped off at 1.5
  • 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935
  • present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety
  • melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily
Link to post
Londoner

Hi @Shellbell,I'm so sorry to hear of your suffering. Hang in there.

Apart from the wonderful support I receive from Rosetta and this site, the thing that has helped me most is to sign up to Baylissa Fredericks website (https://baylissa.com) and utilise the withdrawal resources on there. Given that you also find counselling helpful, I would highly recommend booking a consultation with Baylissa to discuss the problems you are having. She has experienced withdrawal herself and I don't think there is anyone more skilled in understanding the difficulties we face and supporting us. She really is incredible. If you're looking for some hope, along with the success stories, you could read Baylissa's books 'With Hope in my Heart' and 'Recovery and Renewal'.

It's very encouraging that you are able to work. Please do look into the above, I really think they'll help you.

Also, if you are due to have more surgery, one of the more knowledgable posters may be able to advise you on drugs etc to avoid. Take care and take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

In summary, cycled through a number of SSRI/SNRI medications in 2010, stayed on 100mg Sertraline for 5 years followed by 5 years on 200mg.

Valium started in 2011-2018 up to doses of 16mg. Tapered off slowly over years. Difficult to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from the symptoms I was already experiencing due to Sertraline tolerance withdrawal

Briefly tried Lamotrigine and Bupropion in 2020.

Started withdrawing from Sertraline in August 2020. Came down by 50mg every 2-3 weeks. Med free since mid Sept 2020.

3 April 2021 - reinstated 1mg Sertraline, April 13th increased dose to 2mg Sertraline, April 16th increased to 5mg for one day. Stopped reinstatement on 19th April.

Main symptoms as of Nov 2020: Chronic headaches accompanied by feelings of deep despair, stomach ache/nausea, brain fog and memory issues, disturbed circadian rhythm.

End March 2021 symptoms: Extreme suicidal akathisia and restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, morning surges of panic, panic throughout the day. Unbearable.

April - suicidal akathisia, cortisol surges through the night, insomnia, shaking, GI issues

Supplements: Melatonin 2.5mg a night

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...

Dear @Londoner, I just wanted to drop by and tell you that I am very impressed about how you are handling things. You seem like you are really pulling through.

I am in a similar space with suicidal akathisia and I have to admit I am handling it with a lot less grace. You are an inspiration 🙂

I really hope you will feel better soon. 

We will survive this!

2010-2020: Venlafaxine (at various dosages between 37.5mg and 225mg (at 0 in 2018 for 12 months)) and Trazodone (between 25 and 50mg, CTd twice without problems)

May 2020-July2nd 2021: only Trazodone 25mg (tapered from 10mg to 0mg Venlafaxine from March-May 2020)

April 2021: Crash with OCD, anxiety, strong akathisia after taking a benzo a few times and microdosing mushrooms 3x

May 2nd -15th May: Olanzapine 7,5mg, Trazodone 50mg, 5x all in all 0,5 Lorazepam

29th May: took Peyote because I was told it could help me and I naively wanted to believe, in hell after

11th June-2nd July: Seroquel 150mg, Seroquel XR 50mg, Trazodone 150mg, Zoldem 1 Tablet, Lorazepam occasionally 0,5-1mg (all in all about 10 times),

July 2nd : 75mg Venlafaxine (10am), Olanzapine 7,5mg (2,5mg morning, 5mg 9:30pm evening)

July 10th: 75mg Venlafaxine (10am) Olanzapine down to 5mg (9:30pm)

July 12th: Venlafaxine down to 37,5mg (10am), Olanzapine 5mg (9:30pm)

July 14th: Venlafaxine 37.5mg (10am), Olanzapine 2.5mg (9:30pm)

23th July: Venlafaxine 37.5mg (10am), 3.75mg Olanzapine (9:30pm), 25th July Venlafaxine 37.5mg (10am), Olanzapine again 5mg (9:30pm) because of strong insomnia 30th July-31st July: Venlafaxine 75mg (10am) (with possible kindling) and Olanzapine 5mg (9:30pm) 1st August: Venlafaxine 50mg (10am), Olanzapine 5mg (9:30pm) 11th August: 75mg Venla, 2.5mg Olanzapine (10am), Olanzapine 5mg pm, Lorazepam as needed since 22nd August: 112.5mg Venlafaxine (10am), 2.5mg (10am) 5mg (9:30pm) Olanzapine, 0.5mg Lorazepam (0.25 10am, 0.25 7pm)

Link to post
Rosetta

Londoner,

 

I’m thinking of you.  I’m also very intrigued by Dr. Shipko’s opinion about aka and benzos.  Two major, major problems with benzos is that doctors prescribe them in doses that further irritate the nervous system AND they prescribe them PRN which means “as needed.”  If one has aka they are always “needed.”  Most of the time, there is not much more direction or education about them given to a patient.
 

I assume Shipko would not do that.  When you feel you can, is there anything more you have to add?  Did he say what the dose would be?

 

I was prescribed Xanax, and I was aware it was dangerous.  I knew it was addictive.  I took far less than prescribed in dose, but I was unaware of the limits on frequency that are needed to avoid addiction.  If you try it, please know that it can take up to 4 days to clear from the system, depending on the person.  How being in WD affects this rate, I don’t know.  You need to be without the drug for a period of time in between.  **Other benzos have different time periods.** You will need to check info on the drug.  Double the maximum half life is the number you need to know.

 

Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to post
Londoner

Did @Iggy131313 recover?

 

 

 

In summary, cycled through a number of SSRI/SNRI medications in 2010, stayed on 100mg Sertraline for 5 years followed by 5 years on 200mg.

Valium started in 2011-2018 up to doses of 16mg. Tapered off slowly over years. Difficult to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from the symptoms I was already experiencing due to Sertraline tolerance withdrawal

Briefly tried Lamotrigine and Bupropion in 2020.

Started withdrawing from Sertraline in August 2020. Came down by 50mg every 2-3 weeks. Med free since mid Sept 2020.

3 April 2021 - reinstated 1mg Sertraline, April 13th increased dose to 2mg Sertraline, April 16th increased to 5mg for one day. Stopped reinstatement on 19th April.

Main symptoms as of Nov 2020: Chronic headaches accompanied by feelings of deep despair, stomach ache/nausea, brain fog and memory issues, disturbed circadian rhythm.

End March 2021 symptoms: Extreme suicidal akathisia and restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, morning surges of panic, panic throughout the day. Unbearable.

April - suicidal akathisia, cortisol surges through the night, insomnia, shaking, GI issues

Supplements: Melatonin 2.5mg a night

Link to post
Londoner

@Neon and @Rosetta, so sorry I didn't see your posts till now.

Hi Neon, I've just seen your thread. So sorry you're having such a rough time. I know the feeling. Grace? That's very kind of you but believe me, my life has been grace free the past 4 months.  I guess we all just have to do what we have to do to survive.

The akathisia and restlessness are torture. I hope you find some stability soon. Feel free to contact me. Perhaps we can support each other.

 

@Rosetta, thanks so much for your insight and advice as always. I'm too scared to even consider a Benzo right now. So I'm trying to hold out. xx

In summary, cycled through a number of SSRI/SNRI medications in 2010, stayed on 100mg Sertraline for 5 years followed by 5 years on 200mg.

Valium started in 2011-2018 up to doses of 16mg. Tapered off slowly over years. Difficult to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from the symptoms I was already experiencing due to Sertraline tolerance withdrawal

Briefly tried Lamotrigine and Bupropion in 2020.

Started withdrawing from Sertraline in August 2020. Came down by 50mg every 2-3 weeks. Med free since mid Sept 2020.

3 April 2021 - reinstated 1mg Sertraline, April 13th increased dose to 2mg Sertraline, April 16th increased to 5mg for one day. Stopped reinstatement on 19th April.

Main symptoms as of Nov 2020: Chronic headaches accompanied by feelings of deep despair, stomach ache/nausea, brain fog and memory issues, disturbed circadian rhythm.

End March 2021 symptoms: Extreme suicidal akathisia and restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, morning surges of panic, panic throughout the day. Unbearable.

April - suicidal akathisia, cortisol surges through the night, insomnia, shaking, GI issues

Supplements: Melatonin 2.5mg a night

Link to post

Okay, so I am not the only one who has lost all her ability to gracefully handle this situation 🙂  

I am so sorry you are going through this too, I wouldnt wish it on anyone in the world. We will manage, we have to!

2010-2020: Venlafaxine (at various dosages between 37.5mg and 225mg (at 0 in 2018 for 12 months)) and Trazodone (between 25 and 50mg, CTd twice without problems)

May 2020-July2nd 2021: only Trazodone 25mg (tapered from 10mg to 0mg Venlafaxine from March-May 2020)

April 2021: Crash with OCD, anxiety, strong akathisia after taking a benzo a few times and microdosing mushrooms 3x

May 2nd -15th May: Olanzapine 7,5mg, Trazodone 50mg, 5x all in all 0,5 Lorazepam

29th May: took Peyote because I was told it could help me and I naively wanted to believe, in hell after

11th June-2nd July: Seroquel 150mg, Seroquel XR 50mg, Trazodone 150mg, Zoldem 1 Tablet, Lorazepam occasionally 0,5-1mg (all in all about 10 times),

July 2nd : 75mg Venlafaxine (10am), Olanzapine 7,5mg (2,5mg morning, 5mg 9:30pm evening)

July 10th: 75mg Venlafaxine (10am) Olanzapine down to 5mg (9:30pm)

July 12th: Venlafaxine down to 37,5mg (10am), Olanzapine 5mg (9:30pm)

July 14th: Venlafaxine 37.5mg (10am), Olanzapine 2.5mg (9:30pm)

23th July: Venlafaxine 37.5mg (10am), 3.75mg Olanzapine (9:30pm), 25th July Venlafaxine 37.5mg (10am), Olanzapine again 5mg (9:30pm) because of strong insomnia 30th July-31st July: Venlafaxine 75mg (10am) (with possible kindling) and Olanzapine 5mg (9:30pm) 1st August: Venlafaxine 50mg (10am), Olanzapine 5mg (9:30pm) 11th August: 75mg Venla, 2.5mg Olanzapine (10am), Olanzapine 5mg pm, Lorazepam as needed since 22nd August: 112.5mg Venlafaxine (10am), 2.5mg (10am) 5mg (9:30pm) Olanzapine, 0.5mg Lorazepam (0.25 10am, 0.25 7pm)

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
Surviving82
On 7/31/2021 at 11:44 AM, Londoner said:

I'm too scared to even consider a Benzo right now. So I'm trying to hold out. xx

@Londoner, hi Londoner, I used to have what I thought was aka (don't have it now, it seems to have been a side effect from starting an SSRI). I did research on what can help it, and apparently the beta blocker (ie, propranolol) is the first line of treatment. Please consider giving it a shot if you haven't already. I by no means promote beta blockers but according to what I understand, they are much safer compared to benzos. It seems like you are suffering with aka a lot for quite a while, so it may be worth at least a consideration. Sending the best wishes of healing your way!

My thread: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24990-surviving82-my-story-wd-from-antidepressants-please-help/

2016-2017: sertraline for approx. 1.5 years for anxiety and OCD outbreak following birth of my son (all the way from 2mg to 200mg), rapid tapered from 150mg for about 6 weeks without issues. Approximately 2 years psych drug free.

 

Nov 2019 - Feb 2020: fluvoxamine to prevent anxiety/OCD outbreak following birth of my daughter. Had to go off due to constant somnolence.

Feb 2020 - Dec 2020: started escitalopram while rapid tapering fluvoxamine. After 9 months decided to get off due to weight gain, rapid tapered from [I think] 15mg for about 6 weeks without immediate issues.

March-April 2021: started excessive strenuous exercise and dieting regimen for weight loss. Was doing great (or so I thought) for 3 weeks until early April 2021 when out of nowhere massive panic attacks, other dysautonomia symptoms. AWFUL CRASH.   

Mid-April 2021: fluoxetine 10mg for 1 week then 20mg for 1 week. Massive side effects, suicidality. Was told to go CT. Side effects gradually started resolving.

Mid-Late May 2021: sertraline for 11 days, fine at low doses but same side effects as prozac at 25 to 50mg. Was told to either drop CT or hold at 1/4 of a 25mg pill. 

April-May 2021: trazodone 50mg PRN for sleep. Do not take every day, the only side effect I noticed is dry mouth.

June 8, 2021: stopped all psych meds. Truing to trust that with God's help, my body will heal on its own. 

Other: Hashimoto thyroiditis for 11 years (on levothyroxine 125mcg), history of anxiety/GAD including health anxiety, OCD. History of autonomic dysfunction (migraines, vasovagal episodes).

Link to post

Hello @Londoner, how are you ?

 

  • February 2020LEXAPRO 15mg/April : lowered to 10mg/Mai : 7,5mg then 5mg/June 15 : lowered to 2,5mg --> major WD living hell)
  • June 19 : back on 5mg/June 23: back on 10mg, major WD gone after a few days /End ofJuly 2020 : feeling amazing
  • September 2020 Lower to 7,5mg --> Instantly anhedonic
  • December 2020 : Decides to up my dose because I really can't take the anhedonia anymore --> insomnia + vision disturbances + what I think was akathesia. From that failed updose remains a feeling of inner tension (mild aka ?) that I will often feel later on 
  • February Started the process of converting my solid dose to a liquid "homemade" dose --> figured out that for me the liquid was way more "powerful" than the solid 
  • March 4th :  3mg
  • May 26th : 108mL<-> 2,7mg --> symptoms : high heart rate (120 when just standing), dry mouth and eyes, difficulty sleeping, crying spells, anxiety (whereas anxiety and sadness are completely inexistent on 120mg, it's like there's some sort of passage where under 3mg, feelings come back full force with almost no "transition" from 0 to 100, it's like under 3mg, the zombie/suppression of feelings effect of the med is inefficient, like a threshold)
  • June 3rd : back on 125mL <-> 3,125mg, completely stable again a few days later, no suffering whatsoever, just the anhedonia
  • August 1st : hit with intense panic, cortisol, cannot eat. 

 

Link to post
  • 5 weeks later...

For anyone who has been on the site a very long time or even when Paxil Progress was going, do the vast majority of people recover to a great extent? Why aren't there more success stories? There seem to be loads of detailed ones on Benzo Buddies but far fewer on SA and PP. A lot of the experienced people say 'everyone recovers', e.g. Baylissa, Una Corbett, Ian Singleton etc, is the on the whole true? The idea of doing this for 10 years is unimaginable

In summary, cycled through a number of SSRI/SNRI medications in 2010, stayed on 100mg Sertraline for 5 years followed by 5 years on 200mg.

Valium started in 2011-2018 up to doses of 16mg. Tapered off slowly over years. Difficult to distinguish withdrawal symptoms from the symptoms I was already experiencing due to Sertraline tolerance withdrawal

Briefly tried Lamotrigine and Bupropion in 2020.

Started withdrawing from Sertraline in August 2020. Came down by 50mg every 2-3 weeks. Med free since mid Sept 2020.

3 April 2021 - reinstated 1mg Sertraline, April 13th increased dose to 2mg Sertraline, April 16th increased to 5mg for one day. Stopped reinstatement on 19th April.

Main symptoms as of Nov 2020: Chronic headaches accompanied by feelings of deep despair, stomach ache/nausea, brain fog and memory issues, disturbed circadian rhythm.

End March 2021 symptoms: Extreme suicidal akathisia and restlessness, anxiety, insomnia, morning surges of panic, panic throughout the day. Unbearable.

April - suicidal akathisia, cortisol surges through the night, insomnia, shaking, GI issues

Supplements: Melatonin 2.5mg a night

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy