pstrzegomski - Success Story - 3 years drugs free

[pstrzegomski]

Hello!

I promised myself that I will visit this forum once I will be fully ok. So here I am.

To be honest I almost forgot like a lot of others who got better and just put it behind them, therefore why there is such small amount of success stories. Once you are ok, you just simply don't care and move on.

But I remember how reading that someone managed to get through it was helping me (well, not really, but keep reading).

Long story short - after a one time dose of LSD i got completely screwed and suffered major panic attacks and severe depression for almost 2 years. I thought there is no way out, making a cup of tea was sometimes almost impossible for me. Waking up to realise that I'm in it was a nightmare.

 

I was taking escitalopram and every time I tried to quit I needed to return after a while because of withdrawal symptoms. I was trying everything, cutting dose very, very slowly etc.

 

Things changed.

I'm more than 3 years drugs free.

I feel great, even during pandemic, I'm quite successful and everything is just normal. Yes, just normal.

 

What I'm about to write will be probably extremely hard to swallow for most of you, but I promise you, I believe this is the way out of all of this. My anxiety and depression was not lighter or easier than yours (I know what you are thinking now).

Here is the part where I'm convincing you that I had worse, but that's not the point. If we ended up on this forum together, it says it all.

This is extremely difficult road and I won't lie to you it will demand a lot from you, things you think now are impossible for you to do.

But it's worth it, you need to be strong and you'll thank yourself for that.

I believe all points below are equally important.

 

There is no ONE way to the recovery. There is also no just one reason you ended up like this.

 

Let's get to the point.

 

1. I stopped visiting this forum and stopped reading about it in the internet. Yes, I think this is crucial to stop filling your head with all of this and focusing on it and waiting for I don't know what. You have your life and focus on it - stop reading about other's. Imagine you are reading about growing a flowers - your head orbits around it constantly and it becomes part of your everyday life. This is no different. Really, just stop it. If it's super difficult, limit it to once a week for a month and then quit. Really, just stop. Imagine how you feel before reading and after and just realise that you actually feel worse.
2. I switched escitalopram to doxepin and I actually felt it's helping me better and eventually wearing it off was way, way easier, but I don't think this is the important part here.
3. I started to go to therapist. I switched couple of times to find someone I actually like (this is important, if you are sitting and listening to the person and thinking it's bullsh*t - you should stop immediately and find someone else. Believe me or not, things that happens to you have a reason. You need to find that reason and deal with it.
4. Just make peace with it. You feel it, it makes you miserable but you just focus on other things and keep going, go through it and accept it existence. But remember it will pass, sooner or later.
5. Exercise! I know how it sounds, but that was very important part of recovery. Because this information is almost everywhere people underestimate importance of it. If you can, find personal trainer and schedule a training at least 2 times per week. If you can't, still schedule a training and be dead serious with going regularly. This is extremely difficult, but give yourself a month and I promise you, the way you'll feel will change your mind and you'll want more. Regularity - this is SUPER, SUPER important. No excuses, be on time, DO NOT CANCEL any training. There are tons of good things that will make you feel way, way better. Heaving something scheduled will shape your day and week, on rest days you won't feel like a crap and you'll feel this rest is actually deserved, more energy, getting into shape will also feel good. It will change your life in a way you don't imagine. Start slow and easy, but regularly. Please, just do it you lazy bastard. And be on time for christ sake! Did I mention regularity is important?
6. Winter swimming - From perspective I believe that was also very important part. When you get yourself in this extreme state of cold, your whole body responds with all kind of emotions and sensations. Your body actually learns that this is the state of your body when strong feelings should be felt and your body alerted. First couple of times will be hard, but once you get warm all hormones of happiness will hit the roof. You will feel like a hero and generally your wellbeing will be super improved. It also regulates hormones which are responsible for the way you feel.
7. Find something that interests you. Or you think will interest you. I know it's hard to think about one thing that you actually would get excited about. But keep searching, trying even if you don't feel like it. For me it were video games. I liked to play and forget about the entire world for few hours. It made me forget about EVERYTHING and I believe that can give your brain a rest and power.
8. Stop drinking alcohol. If you really want to get out of this, you know it doesn't help you. You can drink once you feel good, but if you don't, just don't do it.
9. Realise that you are not the only one who are going through this. There are more successful people than you all think. Just people don't talk about it once they recover.
10. Don't assume you will think and feel the same way all the time. You felt ok before that, you will fell ok after that.
11. Sometimes you can't decide how you feel, BUT YOU ALWAYS CAN DECIDE WHAT YOU'LL DO ABOUT IT. This may sound scary, because you just realised that it's in your hands, but this is actually a good thing. There are things you can't do anything about.
12. Remember that people can feel sadness/happiness and it's normal you will have good and bad days. The important thing here is to have more good days.
13. Never, for christ sake, never give up - You got this. Believe me, if I was able to escape this, everybody can.

 

 

All right guys, I think that's pretty much it.

I wish you luck, I hope this is the time when you get your **** together and take this post seriously.

(Grabbing a cup of delicious coffee and loading Witcher 2 farewell of the white wolf)

 

Take care guys!

P.S - I don't think I will ever come back to this forum, take care!

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi pstrzegomski and welcome.

Congratulations.

On 11/10/2020 at 6:58 PM, pstrzegomski said:

I switched escitalopram to doxepin and I actually felt it's helping me better and eventually wearing it off was way, way easier, but I don't think this is the important part here.

 

And if you do come back, we would be interested to know how you tapered off the doxepin.

We like to gather information here, data, in hopes of educating the medical establishment, around WD(withdrawal) and tapering.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your success, and story here.  Appreciated!

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

moderator manymoretodays

[Sarita]

You are an inspiration ❤️ How did you taper from the doxepin? I really hope you come back to share how you did it!

[pstrzegomski]

It took like a 1-2 months. I started to take it every 2 days, then every 3 and then only if I felt bad - but I was focused and fully committed to everything I mentioned above - and to be honest i think this is more important than heaving a plan to withdraw and wait and question myself everyday how I feel. Please, don't be focused on it too much because this is the reason of failure. I know it's hard to stop thinking about pink elephant, but it's possible to try switching thoughts to something else and keep trying. I know it's hard, but keep ******* trying!!!!

Good luck guys! 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Sarita, and thank you pstrsegomski!

And I know you did not recommend your method, just answering a question.

Just want to add in though, for other readers, that this is not something we would recommend, the alternating days.

The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple, Keep it Slow. Keep it Stable.

3.a. Do not suddenly quit taking your drugs. Do not skip doses to taper. These big, fast changes are the opposite of providing stability for your nervous system. Skipping doses causes the amount of the drug in your bloodstream to go up and down. Do not do this for any psychiatric drug.  See this graph which compares skipping days vs daily dosing.