Chels: 23 weeks pregnant and struggling

[NeedMoreHope]

This is EXACTLY what I am feeling after I started 5 mg of Prozac (but I didn't reinstate - I switched from a capsule 6 mg to a tablet 5 mg).  It just seems everything got worse and has been this way for over 3 months.  So we can heal even if we are reacting to the change/reinstatement?  I want to just jump off again, but I think that would not be wise, but it seems to have made me sicker.  Thank you Chels for describing this so well.

2 hours ago, Chels said:

@Altostrata hi i get it pretty consistently throughout the day, its a heavy feeling of agitation, wanting to rip my skin open, throbbing and burning throughout my body, heart palp, terror so bad, and very suicidal i have never felt that before i reinstated two months ago.  i am able to sleep some if i go to bed around 11:30-12:00 some nights im able to sleep all the way through the night and some nights im jolted awake by a nightmare or feeling of restlessness. i always wake up soaked in sweat no matter how well or not well i slept.

 

@Colonial thank you for your words. i agree that reading into to things can make matters worse. and i try not to but i am extremely uncomfortable with these symptoms of akathisia.

 

[Chels]

the akathisia is so bad, I feel like I am being tortured all day long. I feel awful suicidal urges and I tell my husband about them so I am safe, I feel like this is never going to lift. I reinstated 3 times for short periods and I feel like that has ruined me. please does anyone have any hope?

[Colonial]

I'm so sorry this all happened during your pregnancy.

Please try to hang in there, we know how long one day can seem when the symptoms are so severe.

Remember your baby is the reason for your hope!

[getofflex]

4 hours ago, Chels said:

the akathisia is so bad, I feel like I am being tortured all day long. I feel awful suicidal urges and I tell my husband about them so I am safe, I feel like this is never going to lift. I reinstated 3 times for short periods and I feel like that has ruined me. please does anyone have any hope?

Chels, I know how awful this feels.  I went through it too.  What really helped me, was to keep myself busy, and to try to take my mind off the pain.  The more we focus on the pain, the bigger and the worse it will seem.  Yes, yes, it will get better!  When my brain was so muddled, I just found simply physical tasks to keep my occupied, such as: going for a walk, baking some muffins, cooking some food, clean the house, etc.  Even when it is cold, I will bundle up and go for a walk, because it helps me so much.  Whenever I get that anxious, restless, agitated feeling, a walk always helps me to calm down, at least a little bit.  Unless there is a good reason to do so, I wouldn't go back on the psych meds, unless it is that small reinstatement that may have been suggested to you earlier.  (I don't recall, my memory is still not so good) 

[Chels]

@Colonial do you think hormones could be making this worse and is what caused the adverse reactions. i am so afraid i wont stablize but i am even more scared to reinstate with my past

[Altostrata]

Over the last 3 weeks, has this symptom gotten better, worse, or stayed the same? How about your sleep -- better, worse, or stayed the same?

 

Did you try fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Many people find them helpful. Magnesium in small doses throughout the day can be relaxing. They are safe for the baby. You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

[Chels]

@Altostrata it has gotten worse. I was put on 5mg of prozac for one week 10mg for another week and 15mg for 2 days. I stopped it November 7th because it was making me worse the akathisia was horrendous. after I stopped it 4 days later I had a 2 weeks where I felt a little functional and better. then I was thrown into this. its been non stop torture and fear, vibration throughout my body, intense muscle weakness feels like im 100 years old. my sleep has stayed the same I am able to sleep about 5 to 6 hours a night but I def toss and turn, I have taken magnesium and it has been too much for me even at very small doses

[Altostrata]

You don't have to reiterate your recent history, we can see it in your signature.

 

How was magnesium too much for you?

 

I'm sorry that you have withdrawal syndrome. People are often surprised by how bad it is. We've gone around and around with the idea of reinstatement, which is the only way medicine knows to stop withdrawal symptoms.

 

On 11/30/2020 at 5:25 PM, Altostrata said:

....

The reason I suggest an amount as small as 0.25mg Prozac is to limit risk. I understand you are sensitized.

 

[Chels]

@Altostrata I just felt more agitated when taking the magnesium 

[Altostrata]

How much magnesium were you taking at one time? What do you mean by agitated?

[Chels]

i take the pure encapsulations brand it calls for 4 pills but i only took one so i can start small. i feel like it revved up my symptoms more, i feel more uncomfortable i tried it for a few weeks. 

[Colonial]

We need precise answers to dosage questions.

 

How much magnesium was in the one pill you were taking, what time did you take it, and how long after taking it did the symptoms begin that you feel were related to consuming it?

 

I don't think you need to worry that it was the pregnancy that caused the adverse reaction.

Many people have them when reinstated large dosages like 12.5 mg of Zoloft after cold turkeying it for 2 months.

That is why we recommend small amounts when people are sensitized.

 

 

[Chels]

@Colonial 50mg of magnesium, I feel like I am getting worse and I don't know if thats because now the withdrawal is kicking in ontop of the adverse reaction. as much as I toyed with the idea of reinstatement even at that micro dose I am terrified and hoping I could ride this out even though its horrendous. but I feel like I am not going to stabilize because I shocked my system to many times.

[Chels]

one of the things i am really struggling with back and fourth is the fact when i took prozac for two weeks i felt horrendous, my symptoms were awful with akathisia i literally was pulling out my hair. when  after meeting the psychiatrist  in the hospital  who was knowledgeable a little in withdrawal and adverse reactions stopped the medication immediately when he became concerned with my akathisia symptoms. after stopping 4 days later i had a good period of a week and half to 2 week long window. i didn't feel completely normal but overall 50 percent. i know prozac has a long half life so i am assuming some of the drug was in my body could it have been working? i know i will never know the answers to this question but now its almost been a month off of it and i feel awful. the problem is i am very scared of reinstatement i know noone could give me the answers to these questions and this a decision i would have to make for myself. i am hoping and praying for myself and son (Joshua) that i can stabilize without having to go down the road of reinstatement in fears i will suffer and further prolong any healing that could quite possibly be taking place. i am hoping and praying some of these akathisia symptoms lift.  i appreciate everyones advice on this forum. i appreciate all the hope. because right now its just hour by hour minuet by minuet survival mode. 

 

my other question is also because my initial cold turkey was in july from my morning sickness, i thought stupidly i could go back on the meds in hope to continue my taper in sept and was immediately hit with a severe adverse reaction. then trying two other drugs (see drug signature) do i count july as the date of withdraw and recovery or do i count my last failed reinstatement? any advice would be helpful.

 

@Colonial i appreciate your advice and when you post on my wall. if you have any input i would be so grateful for your time. thank you 

[Colonial]

On 11/11/2020 at 4:30 PM, Chels said:

July of 2020 I found out I was pregnant but I got this severe case of morning sickness where I would vomit 20 times a day and couldn’t keep down anything, I was on 8 or 9 mgs of Zoloft and 4mgs of Prozac liquids by that time but I had to discontinue it because I literally could not keep it down, I felt okay for two months until the pregnancy hormones started kicking in and i felt a little down, that’s when all hell broke lose, my ob suggested to start the Zoloft again at 12.5mgs and I guess I felt so baby brained that I complied, biggest mistake ever I took one pill and completely had an adverse reaction.

 

What I am try to figure, is if you actually restated the Zoloft (at 50%) more than the 8 mgs you had tapered down to because after 2 months you were finally going into withdrawal per se or if it was the normal everyday ebb and flow of pregnancy.  You didn't really seem to be complaining of wd it seems even though the depression you thought you were having might have been a small bit of it. So, when you say (all hell broke loose) was that BEFORE you reinstated, or after?  I'm trying to frame that in the timeline of before or after reinstatement, since that would have to be taken into account if you were really in wd before the reinstatement or just the normal issues of pregnancy.

 

Thinking back was there anything that you now know are classic wd issues you were having or did the doctor just think it was a good idea to get back on them once the vomiting stopped?

 

 "....they started me on 5mg of Prozac I took that for a week then forced to up to 10mg for a week and I was on my 15mgs for 3 days when I finally said enough is enough to my family and that medication isn’t helping, it’s making me worse, I told them I wouldn’t take it and they admitted me to psych hospital involuntary which probably saved my life because the psychiatrist there actually heard me and agreed this was withdrawal and he even knew that reinstatement does more harm than good at higher doses..."

 

And just to clarify, did the doctor say it was withdrawal or an adverse reaction?  If you remember....

You said you started having "waves" on the 3rd day of 5mg of Prozac, can you describe that a little better?  Was it the same feeling from the Zoloft and Lexapro or were their symptoms significantly different than the 2 of them.

 

Trying to differentiate between all of the different "reactions" your saying you had, since some can be adverse reactions and some symptoms that people report for a week or 2 when they first go on a drug.

 

Some reactions can also be delayed, meaning a symptom you have the 3rd day on the Prozac could still be from the adverse reaction to the Lexapro or Zoloft and not the Prozac, but since it doesn't emerge until the 3rd day of the Prozac you assume that's the drug that's causing it.  That's why going on and off different meds in such rapid succession is hard to pin down what symptom is really due to what drug reaction.

 

All of this is connected because its helpful to pin down if what your having, and to what extent some of each, actual wd or adverse reaction effects from too high reinstatement.

 

you wrote:  "after stopping 4 days later i had a good period of a week and half to 2 week long window. i didn't feel completely normal but overall 50 percent. i know Prozac has a long half life so i am assuming some of the drug was in my body could it have been working? "

 

I think that shows you were on too high of a dose and it was giving you an adverse reaction. Whether you were getting some benefit from the smaller amount of the drug still being in your system really is the $100,000 dollar question, as the old game show said. 

 

Alto has suggested the small 0.25 Prozac reinstatement to see how you do. Think about the answers to the questions I asked to see if you can, in your own mind, place if your biggest issue right now is riding out the adverse affects and how much might be wd.  

[Chels]

5 minutes ago, Colonial said:

You didn't really seem to be complaining of wd it seems even though the depression you thought you were having might have been a small bit of it. So, when you say (all hell broke loose) was that BEFORE you reinstated, or after?  I'm trying to frame that in the timeline of before or after reinstatement, since that would have to be taken into account if you were really in wd before the reinstatement or just the normal issues of pregnancy.

 

before I reinstated I was not feeling any typical withdrawal symptoms I was definitely emotional. and maybe a little down but nothing I felt was a true significant withdrawal symptom but after two months off and my morning sickness had worn off I reinstated and thats when I felt everything went downhill. I only took the Zoloft once.

11 minutes ago, Colonial said:

And just to clarify, did the doctor say it was withdrawal or an adverse reaction?  If you remember....

You said you started having "waves" on the 3rd day of 5mg of Prozac, can you describe that a little better?  Was it the same feeling from the Zoloft and Lexapro or were their symptoms significantly different than the 2 of them.

 

the doctor wasn't quite sure which was which but the reaction to the Zoloft started 5 hours after taking it, when I took the lexapro at .5mg I felt just very depressed for the first few days and by the fourth day I felt no emotions couldn't cry couldn't talk and paralyzed. the prozac It felt like I was going in and out of window and waves while taking it but the waves were seriously bad. the akathisia was on levels of serious urges of suicide. and I also felt pretty paralyzed on it as well. let me know if my answers help. if you need anymore information. 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Chels,

Congrats on your pregnancy.

And how are you doing with the hyperemesis condition now?

 

I mean, you've got two options now, from my understanding.  You can try 0.25 mg of Prozac or and just work really hard on non-drug coping skills.  Or not try 0.25 mg of Prozac per day.   If you do try the small re-instatement, then it is good to keep notes, on a daily basis.  And it could take a bit of time too, to evaluate if it helps with WD symptoms or not.  And so......patience required. 

 

It can be tough, in pregnancy, as your baby comes first, and will take all your energy, and reserves, to insure best for it's growth and maturation.

 

I don't know that you need to keep on rehashing, over and over everything.  I mean it is fairly common, as a symptom of WD, and/or recovery from adverse reactions.  Yet it's not real healing in any way.

What's a day look like for you?

What kind of coping skills help? 

Are you working with a therapist, or other understanding and supportive person, on the ground via telecommunications.

 

And best.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

p.s. sending bucketsful of hope as well and rooting for you and the little one

Edited December 4, 2020 by manymoretodays

[Chels]

hi @manymoretodays thank you. its been very rough. I feel like I could get through some of the symptoms the akathisia I find the hardest to get through. obviously I know reinstatement is a decision only I can make but I feel very scared to make the akathisia worse by reinstating because we can't possibly know what reinstatement will do. my days are basically just survival mode at this point I feel very weak, flu like, on top of feeling like my skin is burning off, wanting to rip my skin out, I can't watch tv or have anything to stimulating, I just try to get by minuet by minuet, hour by hour. its been hell. if I don't reinstate will my body settle down? I am seeing a therapist a few times a week. but akathisia feels like a mind of its own when im in the throws of a huge episode. its hard to concentrate or see the light of anything. thank you for your post.

[manymoretodays]

I think it should settle down, yes. 

Are you eating okay?

I saw some reports of your sleep, and although not ideal, okay.

 

Did we give you this link yet?

Weighted blankets and bed tents for restlessness, akatisia, insomnia, and anxiety

you could even make one.  I just had a brief bouts of some real agitation, and restlessness, while in acute WD.  I paced while holding pillows tightly.  Mummified myself even, just wrapped up snugly in a blanket.  And it eased off eventually.  So tough though.

 

Can you do anything with your hands, or even ears?- listen to some soft soothing meditations.

 

Make up your mind, if you have not already.  And then just keep doing the minute by minute, hour by hour, as you have been.  Before you know it, this will be history.

 

Limit the screens and endless internet searches.  Those can get old real fast, and lead off into all kinds of thoughts as well.

 

(((((Chels and little poobah))))))

[Altostrata]

2 hours ago, Chels said:

after stopping 4 days later i had a good period of a week and half to 2 week long window. i didn't feel completely normal but overall 50 percent. i know prozac has a long half life so i am assuming some of the drug was in my body could it have been working?

 

I have already explained that the little bit of Prozac left in your body after 4 days seemed to be helping, and you might be able to mimic this by taking 0.25mg Prozac (prescription liquid) to start.

 

As manymoretodays explained, your choice is between reinstatement (of an SSRI such as Prozac) or coping with the withdrawal symptoms. We are not in a position to suggest additional drugs, such as benzos.

 

Withdrawal symptoms tend to fade very slowly with time. As your pregnancy progresses, you will also be feeling hormonal changes which may affect your withdrawal symptoms, possibly for the better, but it's highly likely you will still be recovering from withdrawal after the baby is born.

 

I am also concerned about this.

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

I don't know that you need to keep on rehashing, over and over everything.

 

We have discussed all your concerns before in this thread. Please re-read the entire thread to answer your questions.

[manymoretodays]

Hi again, we refrain from too many PM's.  Reason being, many can and do benefit from the questions asked and answered.  And, it takes up valuable time and energy sometimes, that I need to put forth on the main threads.

And so, you asked:

honestly if you were me would you reinstate? or would you just try to recover? also would i count my withdrawal from the july date or the reinstatement?

I think I would count from after your reinstatements, although, I suspect you had some WD going on in July or even early August. 

 

And oh boy, if I were you......???  Honestly, I might give it a try, the reinstatement, with patience, and note keeping, even while you might not even feel capable of that.  I actually delivered my one and only, Sun/son, while on an AD, a MAOI type.  Not ideal, but he is my Sun......seriously, a fine young man, adult.  When I did elect to come off the MAOI, with doctors help......oh my gosh, that was the start of another whole era of my life.  Lot's and lot's of medications and diagnonsense resulted.

 

And......I would have given anything, or a lot, for some understanding of WD, when I came off Lexapro, one of my last meds/drugs.  That if only, the doctor or someone, would have recognized my acute WD and given me a smidgen.  As it turned out, I got here, after that fiasco, and got off my final medication(s) with knowledge, education, empowerment, support, and understanding.

 

Chels, I, however, am not you, and don't know all that makes up you, and your experiences to date.  So take that ^, as it is offered.  Just my experiences, really.

 

Okay.  L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Chels]

@Altostrata how long do i stay on the dose .25? 

[Altostrata]

We need to see what 0.25mg does. You'd want to take it until your nervous system settles down, probably at least a few months.

 

That very low dose is less likely to affect the baby.

[Chels]

Today I gave in and reinstate prozac at 0.25mg I have been feeling awful this last week, horrible brain quivers, fog, vibration throughout my body, barely functional, crying all the time, suicidal ideation and urges, feeling as if I want to rip my skin and hair out.

 

I am scared about this reinstatement so if anyone could give me some hope that would be appreciated I am 28 weeks pregnant I need to ease some of this pain I don't think I can do this anymore if I can't. 

 

also my other question is that .25 was literally like a liquid drop in my mouth thats it, has anyone had luck with a dose so small work to ease some of the discomfort? @manymoretodays @Colonial im just tagging you in this to see if you have any pointers or advice or comfort you can offer me.

[manymoretodays]

Hi Chels,

And sending big bucketfuls of hope now.

And then more about the properties of Prozac here:

Tips for tapering off Prozac(fluoxetine)

and the different dose strengths, and concentration too, in the pharmacy liquid

Is that what you are using?  Is it the 20 mg in 5 mL strength?

If so, yes, it is a smidgen of liquid, if so.  I come up with .06 mL to get 0.25 mg dose.

 

Do you have a 1 millileter syringe to work with?

Using an oral syringe and other tapering techniques

if you scroll down you'll see the 1 millileter syringe.  And, from my understanding, there are also 0.5 mL syringes too, that may be found on Amazon, or from a veterinarian. 

 

Sounds like you may be doing okay with the .06 mL measurement.  And it's good to stay real consistent with your measurements, how you do them, when you take your small dose, etc.

 

Yes, we have had some with good success with small reinstatements.  I'll go see if I can find some in a search.

If you can, and I realize you are "in it" now, a big tidal wave of sorts, but try give a objective view.......which is often done by doing Notes/daily drug and symptom notes  You'll see how these can work to track patterns and progress too.  Pull down the quote to see a sample note from the link.

And then do some, post 24 hours at a time here, or even a couple of days worth.  They can be so helpful to view and see just how your drug and symptoms might be related.  Include any supplements, and sleep patterns, etc, all to the right of the times.

 

And again, patience is required.  This is Prozac, with it's long half life, and it may take even longer than the typical 4-7 day period to notice much at all.

 

Any luck with weighted blankets, or any other non-drug coping?  You can include non-drug coping in your Notes/dailies too.  I think that sometimes helps shift the focus from symptoms a bit too.

 

Okay, best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Edited December 9, 2020 by manymoretodays
how to post notes added.

[manymoretodays]

I'm finding some topics on reinstatement(2, the first I quoted so you can just hit the arrow and see it, in it's entirety, the second is below it, with the link:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/837-did-antidepressant-reinstatement-work-for-you/

 

And then for member topics, I just nabbed a couple.  Keep in mind, that they might have reinstated with a different drug, different history and scenario too.  And may have stopped posting here too, for whatever reasons......we don't always know:

AshleyM: Celexa discontinuation syndrome and reinstatement

Hangingon: Returning symptoms, desperate, reinstate?

 

And then, if you want to search for more, just put in survivingantidepressants.org successful reinstatements in your main browser, and you might find even more.  I've see many successes, in my time here.

 

[Chels]

@manymoretodays I will try to keep notes although its hard, I am quite freaking out about this reinstatement since I already screwed myself up so much the last 3 months, can I still heal with all these reinstatements and being on .25mg? I am starting to feel seriously hopeless as my symptoms are getting worse everyday. 

[Colonial]

3 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

the .06 mL measurement.

 

That's actually my exact Paxil dose right now, except mine is twice a day, it really is a tiny bit.

I use the 0.5ml syringe, which is about 6 lines.

 

Keeping notes will be important or else their is no way to see if it's helping or hurting or  doing either.

I know your scared but that fear and anxiety alone is enough to make your symptoms worse.

All you can do now is try the reinstatement for a good month to 6 weeks and see if there's any improvement.

It will take a bit of time with this drug.

 

 

[Chels]

@Colonial can I still heal even while taking this small dose? 

[Colonial]

Of course! 🙂

 

You WILL heal, that's a given regardless of which path you choose. the question is just which is the best way to manage the symptoms along the way. Reinstatement helps many people, but you can't sabotage the chance it may give you by worrying about it. As Alto said, it is low risk to the baby and if it gives you a reason to hope that in another 4 weeks things may be looking up that's what you need to give yourself:  Time and Hope and Positive thoughts!

 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Colonial

[Chels]

@Colonial I am so so scared,  I sometimes don't know if I can continue taking it because of how scared I am with further damaging my healing, but I am in hell, and I don't want to live everyday. I don't know what to do anymore, I am so afraid of the years I will miss out on in life because of everything thats happened to me. I don't feel any windows of healing I just feel wave after wave. I don't know what to do about the reinstatement because I am terrified this restricting progress.  I am at a loss and I wish I didn't have to go through this while pregnant. my life was so much different 4 months ago.

[Colonial]

The being "scared" in the early stages can also be undefined anxiety, especially for people who never suffered from it before. We see this insurmountable mountain in front of us, and we fear the complete loss of our life and who we were just a short time ago and it snowballs into one big mountain of fear.

 

17 minutes ago, Chels said:

 I sometimes don't know if I can continue taking it because of how scared I am with further damaging my healing,

If you mean you don't know if you can continue taking the med, you need to decide if your committed to giving the reinstatement enough time to work, otherwise if your gong to panic each time you have a symptom and worry if its the reinstatement you will just make yourself sicker than not trying.

 

If you mean taking "life", you can.

Life is "today", this hour, this moment.  It is neither the past we cherished nor the future we hoped for.

All of life is the Eternal NOW".

That is all we have, and it is enough, if we choose it to be and to push through.

Only you can decide if you will do it, but you can, or you would not have gotten this far.

Life is hard. And sometimes the day comes when living for ourselves is no longer enjoyable and all we can do is live for the betterment and the welfare of those around us.  For your unborn child.

He is enough.

You are enough.

You are worth the effort and the struggle.

 

Edited December 10, 2020 by Colonial

[Chels]

@Colonial thank you that was such a nice post from you. can this reinstatement set me back very far?

[Colonial]

I don't think it will, but you have to monitor your symptoms.

But you have to be confident in the purpose of trying.

If your only trying because your hopeless, every symptom will magnify that and you will be doubleminded.

Set your mind to believing it will help and look for those signals that it's working.

Please update the signature line of what day you reinstated so we can remember easier as we read along.

 

[Chels]

I decided I cannot stick with the reinstatement. if im not confident in the purpose of trying its not going to work. im so frightened because of situations that happened to me previously. I am struggling so much I don't know how I will ever get through this. i feel incredibly hopeless. I can't see the end in sight, and becoming a mother through this scares me because im barely functioning now. are the months going to get better? I don't know how to push through each and everyday. 

[getofflex]

1 hour ago, Chels said:

I decided I cannot stick with the reinstatement. if im not confident in the purpose of trying its not going to work. im so frightened because of situations that happened to me previously. I am struggling so much I don't know how I will ever get through this. i feel incredibly hopeless. I can't see the end in sight, and becoming a mother through this scares me because im barely functioning now. are the months going to get better? I don't know how to push through each and everyday. 

Have you tried browsing through this forum and checking out some of the coping skills?  It really helped me when I was in terrible WD from a too fast taper.  Jennifer