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dantesjourney: live again after 20 years on AD


dantesjourney

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dantesjourney

Hello,

first of all, excuse me for my English, which is not my language. I’m a 50 years old man, long term SSRI/SNRI user who is trying to survive after a lot of mistakes made with this poisons.

 

First SSRI was prescribed me in 1998: a psychiatrist decided to solve my panic attacks, anxiety and fears to be sick with a 20 mg of paroxetine. My journey with SSRI began: I took paroxetine from 1998 to 2008; then escitalopram from 2008 to 2010; venlafaxine XR from 2011 to 2016. During this period, 3 or 4 times I attempted to stop but after six months free I reinstated the drug; my doctor said that the difficulty to stop was a problem of mine because “SSRI don’t give dependence” and anyway said “if necessary you can use it for all the life”. For sure from 2006 for me was IMPOSSIBLE to decrease paroxetine under 10 mg!!!

 

From 2017 drugs seem not work as in the past: my doctor tries firstly with escitalopram (from december 2017 to august 2018), sertraline (from november 2018 to july 2019) and finally vortioxetine (november 2019 to february 2020).

On february the 6th I took for last time vortioxetine which was giving to me just problems

 

More than nine months have passed since then during which I experienced extremely heavy symptoms that reduced my mental energies and threw me into a profound discomfort that makes it increasingly difficult to carry out my normal activities. Some of the symptoms are those that I have already known in the past (although they present themselves in a more severe way): agitated anxiety; insomnia (I have occasionally taken xanax which fortunately I have used very rarely in these 20 years) and sudden and agitated awakenings; obsessive search for information and explanations about my malaise (via the internet). Others are new: an unbearable mood swings; a certain emotional lability (I get very easily moved and angry); physical symptoms such as fatigue with pain in particular in the legs and frequent palpitations. In the background then there are distressing thoughts for the future: evolution of my malaise (fear of irreversible damage to my nervous system induced by prolonged use of drugs). What seemed surprising was requent change in symptoms from week to week.

 

At the end I found this site and with it a little hope: I have learned many things, even about my mistakes, and discovered that I’m not alone.

 

Now I’m just surviving and my days are (very) often hard to pass, but there are moments (1 or 2 hours in a day) when I feel this journey through the hell is a long and necessary way to live again, to see the stars again.

 

My long journey to healing has started, and I hope you would support me with your advice.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
reformatted text
  • From 1998 to 2008 paroxetine; from september 2008 to april 2010 escitalopram; from february 2011 to july 2011 escitalopram; from september 2011 to march 2013 venlafaxine 75 mg; from march 2013 to september 2013 venlafaxine 37,5 mg; from january 2014 to august 2016 venlafaxine 75 mg; september 2016 to december 2016 venlafaxine 37,5; march 2017 to october 2017 venlafaxine 75 mg (problems not working); from december 2018 to august 2018 escitalopram 10 ; from december 2018 to july 2019 sertraline 50 mg; last attempt (disaster) vortioxetine 27 november 2019- 5 february 2020 CTed; now almost 10 month SSRI free
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  • dantesjourney changed the title to dantesjourney: live again after 20 years on AD
  • Moderator

Welcome to SA, dantesjourney.  (Great user name, by the way.)  Thank you for completing your drug signature.

 

Many if not all of the symptoms you describe are typical of withdrawal.   Doctors often mistake withdrawal for "return of the underlying condition" and prescribe more drugs, creating an ongoing cycle.  Sometimes symptoms linger, sometimes they change from week to week, sometimes it's a combination.  I know the days are hard to pass, but it's a very encouraging sign of healing that there are one two hours a days when you can see some purpose in all this.

 

3 hours ago, dantesjourney said:

my doctor said that the difficulty to stop was a problem of mine because “SSRI don’t give dependence”

Doctors are woefully ignorant of the effects of these drugs and don't believe in the existence of withdrawal.  Our experience, and now yours, have been the opposite.

 

3 hours ago, dantesjourney said:

 

From 2017 drugs seem not work as in the past:

This is common and is known as Tachyphylaxis or "poop-out."

 

3 hours ago, dantesjourney said:

More than nine months have passed since then during which I experienced extremely heavy symptoms that reduced my mental energies and threw me into a profound discomfort that makes it increasingly difficult to carry out my normal activities. Some of the symptoms are those that I have already known in the past

 

So that you have a better idea of what you're experiencing, here are some links on withdrawal and the healing process.

 

 

 

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well.

 

 

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Get supplements that are single ingredient (not mixed with other types of supplements).

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover + change to one 18.75mg dose, w/1 month hold.

Feb. 9, 2021, begin 10% every 4 weeks taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 23: 16.0mgai.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 16mgai (0.44mgpw).  Aug 2016, discovered SA, holding at 16mg.  Taper is 78% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg.


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Dear @dantesjourney,

I want to tell you that I'm here, supporting your fight! Keep on and keep care!

We will see the stars again!🙂

July 2015: the 20mg citalopram for great stress begins

After two years I start tapering (slow but without medical advice) and I guess wrongly. First up to 10 mg, then 5 mg and 2 mg (liquid solution) and skips

January 2020 (I don't remember exactly the day): off citalopram (last dose 2mg).

June 2020: adrenal crash. The beginning of Hell on Earth

 

Current supplement:

- saffron pill (20 mg) + vit. E, omega 3 (EPA + DHA) 2g, magnesium bisglycinate 300 mg, iron , vitamin D3 (2500ui) +K7 (50 ui), vitamin C (1g) + quercitin (25 mg), theanine (as necessary).

 

Try meditating / mindfulness, walking every day, CBT/ACT, massage.

 

"E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle" ("And so we went out to see the stars again")

(Dante Alighieri, Divine Comedy , Inferno, XXXIV, 139)

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  • Moderator

Hi @dantesjourney,

I am so sorry you are having to go through this Hell.  There must be a special circle in Hell just for AD withdrawal.  I commiserate with every symptom you describe.  I am in my 24th month since my last dose of AD.  All I can say is that I'm still alive, and still finding hope of recovery in the words of others on this site.  I hope that no stress, or very little, comes your way so that you can rest and devote your goodwill to your recovery.  I hold faith that with time you will heal.

 

My best wishes to you,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

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  • 1 month later...
dantesjourney

@Gridley

Thank you for your kind welcome to the community.

I apologize for my late in answering but last 2 months (in particular Christmas holidays) was very hard.

I wish You and all the survivors a new year full of what You want.

d

  • From 1998 to 2008 paroxetine; from september 2008 to april 2010 escitalopram; from february 2011 to july 2011 escitalopram; from september 2011 to march 2013 venlafaxine 75 mg; from march 2013 to september 2013 venlafaxine 37,5 mg; from january 2014 to august 2016 venlafaxine 75 mg; september 2016 to december 2016 venlafaxine 37,5; march 2017 to october 2017 venlafaxine 75 mg (problems not working); from december 2018 to august 2018 escitalopram 10 ; from december 2018 to july 2019 sertraline 50 mg; last attempt (disaster) vortioxetine 27 november 2019- 5 february 2020 CTed; now almost 10 month SSRI free
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dantesjourney

@Leila @arbor

Thank You for yuor post,

I wish you all the best

un abbraccio

d

  • From 1998 to 2008 paroxetine; from september 2008 to april 2010 escitalopram; from february 2011 to july 2011 escitalopram; from september 2011 to march 2013 venlafaxine 75 mg; from march 2013 to september 2013 venlafaxine 37,5 mg; from january 2014 to august 2016 venlafaxine 75 mg; september 2016 to december 2016 venlafaxine 37,5; march 2017 to october 2017 venlafaxine 75 mg (problems not working); from december 2018 to august 2018 escitalopram 10 ; from december 2018 to july 2019 sertraline 50 mg; last attempt (disaster) vortioxetine 27 november 2019- 5 february 2020 CTed; now almost 10 month SSRI free
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  • 1 month later...
dantesjourney
Dear travel companions,

a brief update on my path to the stars.

It's been a year since I stopped taking the antidepressant and I honestly imagined I was in a better position. 
After a year I thought that many of the symptoms would go away and that the windows could be frequent and long. Instead ...

Instead I am still facing symptoms that make my sleep and awakening problematic (damn adrenaline !!!) and I live with ever-present anxiety. 
Evening windows of well-being are occasional.

Trying to be positive I can say that after a year the situation seems stable overall, even if it is a stable downward.

Every now and then, when the situation is really difficult, someone tries to convince me to resume the drugs, but I really think my choice is irreversible.

I hope that this second year of my drug-free life will consolidate the stability acquired but at a higher level and allow me to enjoy emotions again for longer periods

I wish you all the best from the depths to continue on the path of healing,

D.


 

 

 

 


 
  • From 1998 to 2008 paroxetine; from september 2008 to april 2010 escitalopram; from february 2011 to july 2011 escitalopram; from september 2011 to march 2013 venlafaxine 75 mg; from march 2013 to september 2013 venlafaxine 37,5 mg; from january 2014 to august 2016 venlafaxine 75 mg; september 2016 to december 2016 venlafaxine 37,5; march 2017 to october 2017 venlafaxine 75 mg (problems not working); from december 2018 to august 2018 escitalopram 10 ; from december 2018 to july 2019 sertraline 50 mg; last attempt (disaster) vortioxetine 27 november 2019- 5 february 2020 CTed; now almost 10 month SSRI free
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