EdenE Posted December 7, 2020 Share Posted December 7, 2020 (edited) I pray I am doing this correctly. This may be a Trigger for some - read with caution .I am new and over the past 6 months , I have been trailed on 22 psyc meds for what they felt was OCD / Anxiety - now I am a mess beyond. A very quick explanation. 7 months ago I was perfectly normal . Happy, normal , living life ...all of that . Then out of the blue, I had a thought that was not so wonderful . I called my family doctor as well I didn't understand what was happening and he started me on Risperidone, Ativan ( 4 mg / day ,) and Annifril. I took one Risperidone, and had a panic attack and begun to hallucinatiate. I took one Annifril, and I stayed on the Benzo as he said it would help me with what he felt was anxiety for 5 months . I was switched to Coloasapm and then tappered off of Coloasapm - the dose was 1 mg , in 2 weeks .So in total 5 months on benzos - 2 week tapper . While on the benzos I began to truly hear my inner dialogue loudly . It literally took over my conscience mind - where as before it was background . I became hyper aware of my thoughts . I became terrified. I was getting thoughts that were not mine on any level - violent thoughts towards others and myself , commanding thoughts , an inner voice that spoke all day - still does to this day - racing , chatter , non stop - you name it .I am left with no peace at all , and a ' voice ' in my mind that most days does not even feel like mine. I have had days where I do not recognize myself in the mirror, fight with myself , and feel out of it. Anxious thoughts , scary thoughts , ..all day . Through the 6 months my conditioned worsened . I was then offered Rumeron, Olazipine, Zoloft , Prozac , Delantin , Valium , Coloasapm, Ambilify, Serequel , Pristique, Lyrica , Escatilapram and the list goes on and on . I did not know better as I have never taken medication before ....I just wanted to get better , yet I continue to get worse. Today , my thoughts are loud , repeat everything I read , non stop , highly intrusive , name calling , highly damaging , and it's like I am listening to my thoughts not as the generator, but the listener. They do not make sense. I am unable to process emotions , or an idea . Every single thought is anxiety driven , meaning I have extreme anxiety over any thought now - as I am Hyper Aware of everything in my mind . I can feel and tell I am listening ....I am sorry I do not know how to explain this ....it's like I am mediating , but unable to stop . I am stuck in my mind . I am unable to focus , watch tv - nothing. I am unable to nap without waking to a panic attack - and my ' doctor ' still wants to trial medication. My thoughts take over my entire thought process , and all I think about is my thinking , or intrusives , or this or that . I am no longer living . ..I am simply exsisting. This awareness is killing me . The intrusives are killing me . Non stop ....all day . I also have screaming , and crying in my mind , music , looping , and the exact same thoughts every day without cease. I have had sucidal thoughts - which is so not me !!! None of this is me !!! I know in my heart this is from the medication. Yes , I had one not so proper thought , but where I am today is a head full of loud intrusive thoughts. ...and a racing mind, and my thoughts are forefront , and never background anymore . Ever . Any assistance would be appreciated please. Any. I am clean of all medications now . Thank you .... Edited December 7, 2020 by ChessieCat added spacing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Sunnyday Posted December 7, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 7, 2020 Welcome @EdenE, I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this. I think we are many who can relate to the way you describe your current situation, but these symptoms will go away eventually. Would you mind creating a signature with your drug history in it? With a signature we will be better able to help you. The way to do it is described here: Please summarize your withdrawal history in your signature Regarding the intrusive and chaotic thoughts, I sometimes had the same symptoms and so do many others on here. Here are two topics that might be helpful: Repetitive or intrusive thoughts, rumination, and increased panic Neuro-emotions This introduction topic is the best place for you to ask questions and get support from others. There is a lot of information on the forum and it can be a lot to take in at first, so feel free to ask questions. The first step though is to create a signature so we can go from there. I'd also like to ask if you have had any days that have been better than others since you got off the drugs? 2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues) 2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot) Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs Now: Still drug free Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 7, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 7, 2020 4 hours ago, Sunnyday said: Please summarize your withdrawal history in your signature Please create your drug signature as previously requested. The instructions are in the above link. Thank you. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
EdenE Posted December 8, 2020 Author Share Posted December 8, 2020 May 6- Risperidone 25 mg ( took one ) - went into Svt attack Ativan - May 7- July 8 ( 3-4 mg day ) tappered to Coloasapm Coloasapm July 9- August 6 ( 2 mg ) tappered to Valium- went into 22 seizures - Delantin 2 bags given plus one Ativan August 8 switched back to Coloasapm ( 1.5 mg ) - Tappered off September 9- October 7 - clean of benzos Trialed - Annifril - May 9 ( one , had anxiety attack ) Rumeron /Olazipine- June ( 8 days ) - began to get sucidal thoughts- taken off Zoloft ( took 5 ) - taken off due to increased intrusives Prozac ( took 8 )- increased anxiety , intrusives etc - taken off - while in hospital - July 2020 Lyrica ( took one ) - threw up - taken off - while in ward - October 2020 Ambilify- took one - taken off due to insomnia- while in ward October 2020 Serequel- took 6 .5 by psyc ( x2 ) - PRN- while in ward - October 2020 Back to Risperidone ( I.5 )PRN - while in ward - October 2020 Escatilapram- (2.5 weeks ) - taken off for increased intrusives , anxiety , nausea, November 2020 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Sunnyday Posted December 9, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 9, 2020 Hi @EdenE, please put the drug history in your signature, you can follow this link: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/settings/signature/ Try to also be as specific as you can with the dates and dosages, especially the later ones. Thank you. 2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues) 2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot) Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs Now: Still drug free Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 9, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 9, 2020 To keep your drug signature easy to see please leave out the details. We already have those in the post above. All we need in the drug signature are the drug name, the dose, and the date for the dose change/last dose you took. Thank you. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
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