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EdenE: 22 meds later - hyperawareness


EdenE

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I pray I am doing this correctly. This may be a Trigger for some - read with caution .I am new and over the past 6 months , I have been trailed on 22 psyc meds for what they felt was OCD / Anxiety - now I am a mess beyond.

 

A very quick explanation. 7 months ago I was perfectly normal . Happy, normal , living life ...all of that . Then out of the blue, I had a thought that was not so wonderful . I called my family doctor as well I didn't understand what was happening and he started me on Risperidone, Ativan ( 4 mg / day ,) and Annifril. I took one Risperidone, and had a panic attack and begun to hallucinatiate. I took one Annifril, and I stayed on the Benzo as he said it would help me with what he felt was anxiety for 5 months . I was switched to Coloasapm and then  tappered off of Coloasapm - the dose was 1 mg , in 2 weeks .So in total 5 months on benzos - 2 week tapper .

 

While on the benzos I began to truly hear my inner dialogue loudly . It literally took over my conscience mind - where as before it was background . I became hyper aware of my thoughts . I became terrified. I was getting thoughts that were not mine on any level - violent thoughts towards others and myself , commanding thoughts , an inner voice that spoke all day - still does to this day - racing , chatter , non stop - you name it .I am left with no peace at all , and a ' voice ' in my mind that most days does not even feel like mine. I have had days where I do not recognize myself in the mirror, fight with myself , and feel out of it. Anxious thoughts , scary thoughts , ..all day .

 

Through the 6 months my conditioned worsened . I was then offered Rumeron, Olazipine, Zoloft , Prozac , Delantin , Valium , Coloasapm, Ambilify, Serequel , Pristique, Lyrica , Escatilapram and the list goes on and on .

 

I did not know better as I have never taken medication before ....I just wanted to get better , yet I continue to get worse. Today , my thoughts are loud , repeat everything I read , non stop , highly intrusive , name calling , highly damaging , and it's like I am listening to my thoughts not as the generator, but the listener. They do not make sense.  I am unable to process emotions , or an idea . Every single thought is anxiety driven , meaning I have extreme anxiety over any thought now - as I am Hyper Aware of everything in my mind . I can feel and tell I am listening ....I am sorry I do not know how to explain this ....it's like I am mediating , but unable to stop . I am stuck in my mind . I am unable to focus , watch tv - nothing.  I am unable to nap without waking to a panic attack - and my ' doctor ' still wants to trial medication.  My thoughts take over my entire thought process , and all I think about is my thinking , or intrusives , or this or that . I am no longer living . ..I am simply exsisting. This awareness is killing me . The intrusives are killing me . Non stop ....all day .

 

I also have screaming , and crying in my mind , music , looping , and the exact same thoughts every day without cease. 

 

I have had sucidal thoughts - which is so not me !!! None of this is me !!! I know in my heart this is from the medication. Yes , I had one not so proper thought , but where I am today is a head full of loud intrusive thoughts. ...and a racing mind, and my thoughts are forefront , and never background anymore .  Ever .  

Any assistance would be appreciated please. Any. 

 

I am clean of all medications now .

 

Thank you ....

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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  • ChessieCat changed the title to EdenE: 22 meds later - hyperawareness
  • Moderator

Welcome @EdenE,

 

 

I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this. I think we are many who can relate to the way you describe your current situation, but these symptoms will go away eventually.

Would you mind creating a signature with your drug history in it? With a signature we will be better able to help you. The way to do it is described here:

Please summarize your withdrawal history in your signature

 

 

Regarding the intrusive and chaotic thoughts, I sometimes had the same symptoms and so do many others on here. Here are two topics that might be helpful:

 

Repetitive or intrusive thoughts, rumination, and increased panic

 

Neuro-emotions

 

 

This introduction topic is the best place for you to ask questions and get support from others. There is a lot of information on the forum and it can be a lot to take in at first, so feel free to ask questions. The first step though is to create a signature so we can go from there. I'd also like to ask if you have had any days that have been better than others since you got off the drugs?

 

 

2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues)

2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week

July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg

April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot)

Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month

Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs

Now: Still drug free

Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
4 hours ago, Sunnyday said:

Please summarize your withdrawal history in your signature

 

Please create your drug signature as previously requested.  The instructions are in the above link.  Thank you.

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 6 Mar 2021:  Pristiq 0.328 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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May 6- Risperidone 25 mg ( took one ) - went into Svt attack 

Ativan - May 7- July 8 ( 3-4 mg day ) tappered to Coloasapm

Coloasapm July 9- August 6 ( 2 mg ) tappered to Valium- went into 22 seizures - Delantin 2 bags given plus one Ativan 

August 8 switched back to Coloasapm ( 1.5 mg ) - 

Tappered off September 9- October 7 - clean of benzos 

 Trialed - Annifril - May 9 ( one , had anxiety attack )

Rumeron /Olazipine- June ( 8 days ) - began to get sucidal thoughts- taken off

Zoloft ( took 5 ) - taken off due to increased intrusives 

Prozac ( took 8 )- increased anxiety , intrusives etc - taken off - while in hospital - July 2020

Lyrica ( took one ) - threw up - taken off - while in ward - October 2020

Ambilify- took one - taken off due to insomnia- while in ward October 2020

Serequel- took 6 .5 by psyc ( x2 ) - PRN- while in ward - October  2020

Back to Risperidone (  I.5 )PRN - while in ward - October 2020

Escatilapram- (2.5 weeks ) - taken off for increased intrusives , anxiety , nausea, November 2020

 

 

 

 

 

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  • Moderator

Hi @EdenE, please put the drug history in your signature, you can follow this link:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/settings/signature/

 

Try to also be as specific as you can with the dates and dosages, especially the later ones. Thank you.

 

 

2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues)

2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week

July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg

April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot)

Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month

Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs

Now: Still drug free

Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D.

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

To keep your drug signature easy to see please leave out the details.  We already have those in the post above.

 

All we need in the drug signature are the drug name, the dose, and the date for the dose change/last dose you took.  Thank you.

NEW!!!     INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder    NEW!!! 

 

Plodding along inch by inch:  12" = 1',  3' =  36 " or 1 yard,  1760 yards  = 63,360" or 1 mile

Current from 6 Mar 2021:  Pristiq 0.328 mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My tapering program   My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)  My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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