leavingorganon Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 (edited) Here are some good online resources for CPTSD: https://www.outofthestorm.website https://www.havoca.org -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm curious to know what this community thinks of the subjects of trauma, emotional/narcissistic abuse, and CPTSD. I've been reading some of Pete Walker's work and it's been absolutely helpful in my journey to rely less and less on psychiatric meds. I found this particular article useful to deal with Emotional Feedback (i.e. emotional spiral in this community's parlance). Specifically the table at the end with the 13 steps to deal with the flashback. Edited November 15 by getofflex added some links for online CPTSD support General history: 2005 - Present: Remeron, various dosage between 7.5mg to 30mg 2011 - 2014: Lexapro, 10/20mg 2014 - 2016: Zoloft, various dosages 2016 - 2018: Pristiq, various dosages 2018 - Present: Brintellix 10/20mg, 2019: Klonopin, 0.125mg as needed. Successfully got off of it in December. Concerta XR, stopped in December. November 2019 - January 2020: Latuda 9mg December 2019 - Present: 30mg Dextroamphetamine (for ADHD, don't plan to get off of that for now) Updates: Brintellix: Reduced to 10mg in December 2019. Reduced to 5mg in January 2020. Upped to 7.5mg in February 2020. So, currently: 7.5mg Remeron, 7.5mg Brintellix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marian Posted December 24, 2020 Share Posted December 24, 2020 Hey, thanks for the article. I struggle with complex ptsd, i believe. I have some childhood trauma, but more adult trauma in a narcissistic relationship. Also the medication, treatment and withdrawal (psychosis) caused a trauma in itself. Still have all the symptoms, but Pete Walker was useful for me too! How are you doing now? 2011-2012 Adjustment disorder with anxiety. Oxazepam, seroquel. 2012 Cold turkeyed both, psychosis 2012 Haldol, ativan 2013-2014 Efexor 2014 Quick taper, psychosis 2014-2016 Bad interaction with antibiotic (fluoroquinolone). On and off haldol many times, cold turkeyed. 2016 Olanzapine 2016-2018 Back to haldol, slow taper without doc 2mg to 0.5mg 2018-2020 0.5mg haldol Nov 2020 Stressrelated psychosis. Begin dec 2020 Ativan 10mg, half dec 0mg. Haldol begin dec 2.5mg. Jan haldol 1mg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator hayduke Posted December 28, 2020 Moderator Share Posted December 28, 2020 Resonates here. When I was drugged I was the 'sick one' in my family and it was all said to be genetic! ***ed for life, poor hayduke, tut tut, how sad. How convenient for everyone else. The reality that has been emerging in part looks like trauma from being sexually abused as a small child, raped in early 20s, narcissistic traits in one parent and serious dysfunction in the other. I am pretty sure there is intergenerational trauma in play which I'd like to learn more about. I now have a useful working diagnosis of C-PTSD and am well on my way out of the quicksand I was left for dead in, healing, with a lot more wisdom about how to steer clear of toxic people. Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score is a key work worth mentioning. 1 I am not a health professional - your actions are your own. Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one" My taper visualised as a graph | My intro thread Backdrop: 2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole 2015: olanzapine 10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg by crude pill cutter 2018: Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214 -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂 Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg week after Jul 100mg Aug, Sep, Oct 75mg/mo Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^ Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you" -- KMFDM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator getofflex Posted November 15 Moderator Share Posted November 15 (edited) Yes, I have CPTSD. I had a malignant narcissistic mother who abused me physically and mentally, and was neglectful. There was some very twisted psychological abuse. She turned my 3 siblings against me in early adulthood even. I believe this caused me anxiety and depression, and this is why I was put on drugs. I believe that if I had received the proper help and support, I wouldn't have needed drugs. In the 1980's, when I was seeking help, little was known about narcissism and CPTSD. I'm glad there is more awareness about this. I believe that if we are in the throes of WD, it probably better to avoid digging up past trauma, but if the narcissist or whoever is still wreaking havoc in your life, (which mine were), it has to be dealt with. Things in my family were sort of tolerable in the recent years, but once the COVID lockdown hit, the narcissistic insanity flared up again. Edited November 15 by getofflex 1 Please do not private message me or tag me. ***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one. Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!! other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator hayduke Posted November 16 Moderator Share Posted November 16 12 hours ago, getofflex said: I believe that if we are in the throes of WD, it probably better to avoid digging up past trauma, but if the narcissist or whoever is still wreaking havoc in your life, (which mine were), it has to be dealt with. Things in my family were sort of tolerable in the recent years, but once the COVID lockdown hit, the narcissistic insanity flared up again. That really resonates. I was heavily into deep trauma work in the later stages of my wd and post wd. I won't attempt that work at that phase next time. 1 I am not a health professional - your actions are your own. Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one" My taper visualised as a graph | My intro thread Backdrop: 2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole 2015: olanzapine 10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg by crude pill cutter 2018: Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214 -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂 Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg week after Jul 100mg Aug, Sep, Oct 75mg/mo Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^ Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you" -- KMFDM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebird Posted November 16 Share Posted November 16 1 hour ago, hayduke said: That really resonates. I was heavily into deep trauma work in the later stages of my wd and post wd. I won't attempt that work at that phase next time. Kinda wishing I'd told my therapist that I wasn't up for delving so deeply into the trauma, but then again I tend to have a "how bad can it be, I'm tough" attitude and only realize in hindsight something was a bad idea. I have nothing to compare it to, but I have been wondering if the loop I was thrown for would have been so big if meds weren't changing? Live and learn, I guess! Pronouns: they/them/theirs Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since. 2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0 2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg 2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023 (27.33mg 2x a day) 2018-present: 25mg Pristiq 2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad -> adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better -> Started acting up after Nov Seroquel changes and feels too high Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator hayduke Posted November 16 Moderator Share Posted November 16 1 hour ago, littlebird said: Kinda wishing I'd told my therapist that I wasn't up for delving so deeply into the trauma, but then again I tend to have a "how bad can it be, I'm tough" attitude and only realize in hindsight something was a bad idea. I have nothing to compare it to, but I have been wondering if the loop I was thrown for would have been so big if meds weren't changing? Live and learn, I guess! Yeah there has to be a balance. I wouldn't have been able to do my major healing with EMDR if I hadn't been tapering at the time. I think that portion was really helpful. Later in wds and after I think I got overambitious with trying to make a timeline of adverse events. It was so triggering. It makes sense to me now that not giving myself constant flashbacks will be the way forward the next time. Reading Pete Walker's CPTSD Handbook has helped with that perspective. I am not a health professional - your actions are your own. Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one" My taper visualised as a graph | My intro thread Backdrop: 2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole 2015: olanzapine 10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg by crude pill cutter 2018: Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214 -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂 Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg week after Jul 100mg Aug, Sep, Oct 75mg/mo Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^ Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you" -- KMFDM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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