HealthHopeHappiness: sertraline withdrawal - will the side effects ever go?

[HealthHopeHappiness]

14 minutes ago, DaBro said:

Hi @HealthHopeHappiness I took a year off work due to WD and felt ready to work again last summer. When I started working my symptoms got worse, in particular my BP went really high and blood sugar really low. My insomnia get worse too. I think our CNS is fragile and restarting work adds a stressor that triggers symptoms. 

 

I ended up having to talk to my manager about WD. Fortunately he has a friend who had experienced WD and there’s a lot more supporting information such as NICE guidelines which recognise WD which I shared. I’m still working 6 months later and doing OK and my manager has been supportive. 

 

So so I don’t think the reaction is a surprise and I wouldn’t panic about what hasn’t happened yet. You may need to come clean with your boss and be ready for bad days, but I’m sure you’ll settle back to your baseline before long. 

That’s really interesting to know @DaBro. Glad you have an understanding boss, I do too although she’s not familiar with withdrawal. Well done for remaining at work, I know it can’t have been easy. I don’t even know if I’m ready to go back but because of COVID my husband isn’t working and I will soon go to half pay so needs must. Plus I feel like I need a distraction, something to get me out of my head and to stop paying so much attention to my symptoms. 
 

Did you find that your symptoms settled for a period of time and then returned elsewhere? Or intensified? 
 

Thank you for always taking the time to respond, you’re very kind. 

[DaBro]

I had 2 tough months but symptoms slowly improved and it was in month 3/4 I was back to pre-work health. I think working has helped distract me in a good way. 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

I am really really struggling with terrible burning pain in my upper arms and painkillers aren’t making a difference at all. Can anyone recommend anything? I’m doing Epsom & bicarb baths, magnesium, fish oil, acupuncture and osteopathy but the pain is all day and wakes me from my sleep. Have tried applying voltarol gel and magnesium oil but just doesn’t help. Any help appreciated. X 

[arbor]

Dear @HealthHopeHappiness,

When I finished my last dose of Prozac (after years on sertraline) I experienced neuropathy and muscle wasting.  I can’t of course advise you, but I can share what I’ve been trying.  I’ll list them on my thread, so you can see if any of my efforts are useful.

Meanwhile, I’m so very sorry you’re having to endure this.  Though they haven’t gone away, some of the worst effects are starting to improve for me, which I hope can give you hope.

   Arbor

[HealthHopeHappiness]

Thank you so much, @arbor. That would be incredibly helpful. How are you doing? Thanks again for being so kind. X 

[SandCastle]

Hi @HealthHopeHappiness just wondering how you are doing these days. 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

On 3/4/2021 at 6:42 PM, SandCastle said:

Hi @HealthHopeHappiness just wondering how you are doing these days. 

Hi @SandCastleit was really lovely of you to think of me, thank you! 
 

I am now back at work and managing to function, although not to the same level as before. Still twitching a lot in my arms and legs, muscle pains too. Also still managing intense levels of anxiety and panic. But on the whole I am better than I was a few months ago. I think having the neurological investigations have helped me pay less attention to the twitching etc as I know it is withdrawal related. How are you getting on now? 💝

[DaBro]

Fantastic news @HealthHopeHappiness  Back in work is a major milestone and I’m sure you’ll see continued progress. 

[SandCastle]

@HealthHopeHappiness I’m so glad to hear that you’re doing better and are able to work! I know the progress can feel slow sometimes. I’m also doing better these days. I had a minor setback when I took some allergy medication -twitching and tingling came back for about two days and I couldn’t sleep for a few days- but it doesn’t get to me as much anymore. Still have some back and hip pain but it’s so much better than a few months ago. I’m coming up on a year of withdrawal in May and am only probably experiencing about 10% or less of what I went through at that time last year. I’m hoping you continue improving too (I’m sure you will!) and we both leave this nightmare behind us soon!

[HealthHopeHappiness]

On 3/9/2021 at 4:33 PM, DaBro said:

Fantastic news @HealthHopeHappiness  Back in work is a major milestone and I’m sure you’ll see continued progress. 

Thanks @DaBro I feel like I’ve taken a step back this last week. Twitching is back with a vengeance and tremors in my arms and legs. Also have the lump in throat symptom again and feel like my speech is slurring at times. Have had horrendous acid reflux too. That’s me now 4 months off the medication and I definitely had a few weeks of feeling better but have hit a bump in the road. How are you doing? 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

On 3/12/2021 at 4:05 AM, SandCastle said:

@HealthHopeHappiness I’m so glad to hear that you’re doing better and are able to work! I know the progress can feel slow sometimes. I’m also doing better these days. I had a minor setback when I took some allergy medication -twitching and tingling came back for about two days and I couldn’t sleep for a few days- but it doesn’t get to me as much anymore. Still have some back and hip pain but it’s so much better than a few months ago. I’m coming up on a year of withdrawal in May and am only probably experiencing about 10% or less of what I went through at that time last year. I’m hoping you continue improving too (I’m sure you will!) and we both leave this nightmare behind us soon!

I’m so pleased to hear you are doing much better @SandCastlebut sorry you had a setback. I’m currently going through a setback too with lots of twitching, tremors, acid reflux, etc. I had to take a course of antibiotics a couple of weeks ago so I’m wondering if that’s set it off 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s so frustrating and hard not to panic when the symptoms come back. Hopefully work will be a good distraction. I hope you continue to make good progress. 

[DaBro]

1 hour ago, HealthHopeHappiness said:

Thanks @DaBro I feel like I’ve taken a step back this last week. Twitching is back with a vengeance and tremors in my arms and legs. Also have the lump in throat symptom again and feel like my speech is slurring at times. Have had horrendous acid reflux too. That’s me now 4 months off the medication and I definitely had a few weeks of feeling better but have hit a bump in the road. How are you doing? 

I’m doing well @HealthHopeHappiness  I had a step backwards when I restarted work. I think the pressure of having to get up in the mornings plus the change was enough to destabilise my still weak nervous system. It was tough for 3 months or so but settled. 

 

I’m sleeping reliably now (10 hours last night!) and though I still get some tremors and intrusive thoughts they are very mild and short lived. The voice loss and throat tensing up is pretty much gone too. 

 

My only symptoms now are head throbbing, tingling hands and feet and mild frontal head pain which I think are physical symptoms of nerve healing -like a scar feels really. Stamina, humour, alertness are all good and I’m sleeping through the night which is absolute bliss after years of Insomnia.  I’m confident this is the final phase. This is month 29 for me. 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

On 3/17/2021 at 9:38 AM, DaBro said:

I’m doing well @HealthHopeHappiness  I had a step backwards when I restarted work. I think the pressure of having to get up in the mornings plus the change was enough to destabilise my still weak nervous system. It was tough for 3 months or so but settled. 

 

I’m sleeping reliably now (10 hours last night!) and though I still get some tremors and intrusive thoughts they are very mild and short lived. The voice loss and throat tensing up is pretty much gone too. 

 

My only symptoms now are head throbbing, tingling hands and feet and mild frontal head pain which I think are physical symptoms of nerve healing -like a scar feels really. Stamina, humour, alertness are all good and I’m sleeping through the night which is absolute bliss after years of Insomnia.  I’m confident this is the final phase. This is month 29 for me. 

I find it so reassuring hearing how well you are doing. 10 hours sleep sounds wonderful! I remember you mentioning in one of my posts about having difficulty swallowing food? I have had issues with tension round my throat etc but only over the last few days have I been finding it difficult to swallow food. Everything feels like it’s getting stuck or taking a while to pass through my oesophagus. This is obviously triggering anxiety as it feels very uncomfortable, this will then be making the sensation worse I am guessing. I have had terrible GERD symptoms for the last few weeks so I’m assuming it’s all related, I just don’t know what’s triggered it. 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

Feeling like my symptoms have ramped up again recently. I am now approaching 5 months since I stopped the medication. I am having problems with pins and needles in my hands when I’m in bed, tremors- both internal and visible, widespread body twitches - this morning it was my stomach rippling, feeling of weakness in my left foot/leg, terrible neck tension/pain and generally just feeling off. I’ve also noticed some brain zaps again when I’m lying in bed with my eyes closed, haven’t had that since I initially stopped the meds. Could this really still be withdrawal? 😔 

[arbor]

Oh gosh, I'm sorry you're having to experience these issues, @HealthHopeHappiness--They do seem w/d related.  Your recent course of antibiotics might also contribute to your flare up of symptoms.  Are you still using Propranolol?  Do you notice any changes when you do?  Are you sleeping, and how is your gut doing?  It might be helpful to get more experienced moderators' opinions about the best approach, but if you're not already doing it, you might want to try probiotics and fiber to bolster your digestion.  Then also you might consider slowly changing from magnesium citrate to magnesium glycinate as the latter has a reportedly more calming effect on the nervous system.  

 

I was on Sertraline for many years, and I think it's a terrible, terrible drug to be on and to get off of.  I can't believe it's still being prescribed.  You were so smart to get off of it!  The pins and needles started for me about 5 months after my last dose.  You were on for such a short time, I'm hoping this will soon resolve for you.  It takes so much patience.........at least I can say, the swallowing has gotten easier, and the neck pain as well.

I know you will get through this.

Warm thoughts, Arbor

[DaBro]

I still get Pins and needles in hands and feet too (30 months post wd). Seems to happen at the same time as tinnitus. My theory is related to some kind of nerve regeneration/recalibration in the brain and is a sign of healing. Tremors and throat construction are pretty much gone with just 1 or two short episodes a month now. Nausea and Balance symptoms are mild and infrequent too.  We will overcome Sertraline @arborand @HealthHopeHappiness

[HealthHopeHappiness]

16 hours ago, arbor said:

Oh gosh, I'm sorry you're having to experience these issues, @HealthHopeHappiness--They do seem w/d related.  Your recent course of antibiotics might also contribute to your flare up of symptoms.  Are you still using Propranolol?  Do you notice any changes when you do?  Are you sleeping, and how is your gut doing?  It might be helpful to get more experienced moderators' opinions about the best approach, but if you're not already doing it, you might want to try probiotics and fiber to bolster your digestion.  Then also you might consider slowly changing from magnesium citrate to magnesium glycinate as the latter has a reportedly more calming effect on the nervous system.  

 

I was on Sertraline for many years, and I think it's a terrible, terrible drug to be on and to get off of.  I can't believe it's still being prescribed.  You were so smart to get off of it!  The pins and needles started for me about 5 months after my last dose.  You were on for such a short time, I'm hoping this will soon resolve for you.  It takes so much patience.........at least I can say, the swallowing has gotten easier, and the neck pain as well.

I know you will get through this.

Warm thoughts, Arbor

So lovely of you to take the time to reply, @arbor- thank you. 

 

I’m very rarely taking the propranolol, I’ve taken it maybe twice since returning to work on the mornings when I’ve had a panic attack before going. Aside from that I’m managing without. I have been taking probiotics for 2 months now and definitely find they help, especially since taking antibiotics recently. My gut isn’t great but it’s certainly been better since taking the probiotics. I will aim to switch my magnesium, thank you for that advice. My sleep is awful - I have a toddler who doesn’t sleep and I am still breastfeeding! The most sleep I get in a row is 2/3 hours at a push! 
 

It is so reassuring to hear that some of your symptoms have eased - I’m just sorry you had to experience them in the first place. It’s interesting how your pins and needles started after 5 months. I wonder why it takes time for some symptoms to kick in. How are you getting on now? Sending best wishes to you. 💕

[HealthHopeHappiness]

9 hours ago, DaBro said:

I still get Pins and needles in hands and feet too (30 months post wd). Seems to happen at the same time as tinnitus. My theory is related to some kind of nerve regeneration/recalibration in the brain and is a sign of healing. Tremors and throat construction are pretty much gone with just 1 or two short episodes a month now. Nausea and Balance symptoms are mild and infrequent too.  We will overcome Sertraline @arborand @HealthHopeHappiness

Hi @DaBro- thanks, as ever, for your support! How are you doing just now? 
 

Interesting about your pins & needles and tinnitus happening at the same time. I like your take on the cause of this, will use this to reassure myself when things are bad. Oh, and yes to the balance issues!! I always stumble now when I get out of bed, never used to. Also trip over things a lot when out walking my dogs. So glad to hear that, on the whole, things are better for you. And you’re right, we will overcome this awful drug. 💪🏻

[DaBro]

Doing well. I sleep well these days. At worst I’m awake for an hour or less around 4am and that’s only once or twice a week. My only regular symptom now is waking with tinnitus and the pins and needles and feeling groggy for an hour or so, then I normally function well. I do get the odd day of dizzyness, tremors and nausea but it’s only 1 or 2 days a week. So much better than last year when I remember feeling rubbish for weeks on end and getting more than 4 hours sleep was a dream. We heal. 

[arbor]

Dear @HealthHopeHappiness--I'm thinking of you on this spring day with hopes that it is going ok for you.  I thought I would share things I have learned about Propanolol for a friend recently prescribed it by her doctor.  Please forgive me if I am imposing with this information.  I recognize that you are the best authority as to what helps you.  

There could be the chance that Propanolol might paradoxically increase the experience of tremors.

 

Conclusions: Chronic use of β-blockers confers a time- and dose-dependent increased risk for Parkinson's disease.

 

Chronic Use of β-Blockers and the Risk of Parkinson's Disease

 

I personally am wary of the pharmaceutical industry's safety standards when it comes to any medications' effect on babies.

Propranolol - MotherToBaby

mothertobaby.org › fact-sheets › propranolol

 

 

 

Apr 1, 2020 — Can I breastfeed while taking propranolol? A small amount of propranolol enters breast milk. A breastfed infant would likely receive less than 1 percent of the mother's dose. If you suspect that the baby has drowsiness or difficulty feeding, contact the child's healthcare provider.

 

I hope this is useful and not an intrusion.  Above all, I'm rooting for your well-being, happiness, and health as we all face this challenge together!

Arbor🙏🌞🌸

 

 

[SandCastle]

Hi @HealthHopeHappiness I hope you’re doing better since your last post! I’m not surprised you had symptoms ramp up at 5 months. I’ve learned in the last year that sometimes it just takes something minor to set them off again. Sometimes my kids will get a cold and I’ll get a short-lived sore throat and think I’m fine, and all of a sudden I’ll be twitching all over, have cramped muscles, acid reflux and all kinds of other problems. Sometimes it’s set off by that time of the month, change in weather, OTC painkillers, or recently allergies and taking antihistamines. I’ve reached points where I thought I had completely recovered (between 7 and 9 months after quitting if I remember correctly) only to find out there’s still more progress to be made. Not really words of encouragement but just wanted to let you know I understand the feeling of how could this still be withdrawal after 5 months!

[HealthHopeHappiness]

Has anyone found their withdrawal symptoms have worsened significantly after the COVID vaccine? I had my AZ vaccine 4 weeks ago and I am twitching all over terribly. Every part of my body - the side of my nose, my eyes, legs, stomach, arms, hands, feet. You name it, it’s twitching. Having lots of internal and external tremors and brain zaps. Hate this, it’s awful 😫

[HealthHopeHappiness]

On 4/21/2021 at 7:35 PM, SandCastle said:

Hi @HealthHopeHappiness I hope you’re doing better since your last post! I’m not surprised you had symptoms ramp up at 5 months. I’ve learned in the last year that sometimes it just takes something minor to set them off again. Sometimes my kids will get a cold and I’ll get a short-lived sore throat and think I’m fine, and all of a sudden I’ll be twitching all over, have cramped muscles, acid reflux and all kinds of other problems. Sometimes it’s set off by that time of the month, change in weather, OTC painkillers, or recently allergies and taking antihistamines. I’ve reached points where I thought I had completely recovered (between 7 and 9 months after quitting if I remember correctly) only to find out there’s still more progress to be made. Not really words of encouragement but just wanted to let you know I understand the feeling of how could this still be withdrawal after 5 months!

Thanks for this @SandCastlebeen thinking about you and hoping you’re heading for a window soon xx 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

I’m really feeling like I’m stuck in a wave again... been like this for about 4/5 weeks. I have what can only be described as restless hand syndrome in my left hand/thumb with twitching muscles. My hand also feels clumsy and weak. I had an EMG which was normal in February. I also feel like I have weakness in my left foot and struggle to walk properly - almost how I’d imagine foot drop to be. I feel like my movements are so slow and stiff. I’m only 34 and I have a young daughter to play with and run after. I attempted to do Couch to 5K and had to stop because of muscle pain in my hips and legs and a feeling of weakness in my foot. Recently I have found it difficult swallowing food again too. Can anyone relate to this? I am convinced I have some sort of neurological condition but I cannot spend anymore money on testing. We had IVF to have my daughter and our savings are needed for more treatment, if I’m ever well enough to go through it again. 
I’m not taking any medication. Supplements wise I’m taking omega 3 fish oil, magnesium  and probiotics. Can anyone relate? Feeling lost. 

[Rosetta]

It’s not a neurological condition that your brain cannot correct.  It’s post withdrawal syndrome.  Your body and brain can correct it.
 

So much of my muscular issue has gone away.  I still have some degree of it.  It comes and goes every 2-4 weeks.  Having my menstrual cycle causes it to get worse, I believe.  I am almost done with menopause, but just the hormone fluctuations I have now cause symptoms.  If I avoid reading and typing on the phone I may not feel anything at all.  Other times, it’s there for hours per day no matter what I do. Those times are becoming more rare.  
 

I believe your problem will resolve completely.  Five years ago, I was either in constant pain in my forearm, or it felt numb, and my terrible headaches in my eye area came and went.  Now, I barely feel anything in my forearm.  I rarely have headaches.  I feel tension in the muscles up and down my right side at times.  It’s not pins and needles or numbness any longer.  It’s just tension.
 

The drop foot similarity — exactly.  It is sort of like a drop foot.  My foot turns slightly inward because the arch is spasming or contracting.  I used to twist my ankle a lot or fall down stairs because of it.  What I told my foot to do, it just didn’t do.  I would step down to the next step and land in the side of my foot with my ankle bent inward.  My hip is also contracting and so is the front part of my calf muscles.  Al those muscles are connected by ligaments up and down the leg and foot.

 

Its just atrocious the way that doctors refuse to use their brains when it comes to anti-depressants and their dangers.  Doctors know that other drugs cause drop foot and various muscular issues.  They know how.  They simply refuse to believe that SSRIs are capable of causing the sane problems.  A neurologist who does not believe this is caused by SSRIs for this long isn’t worth his salt, in my opinion. He’s brainwashed.  That means he’s ineffectual and worthless for this particular issue.  Good thing your body can fix this all on its own.

[HealthHopeHappiness]

On 5/31/2021 at 10:44 PM, Rosetta said:

It’s not a neurological condition that your brain cannot correct.  It’s post withdrawal syndrome.  Your body and brain can correct it.
 

So much of my muscular issue has gone away.  I still have some degree of it.  It comes and goes every 2-4 weeks.  Having my menstrual cycle causes it to get worse, I believe.  I am almost done with menopause, but just the hormone fluctuations I have now cause symptoms.  If I avoid reading and typing on the phone I may not feel anything at all.  Other times, it’s there for hours per day no matter what I do. Those times are becoming more rare.  
 

I believe your problem will resolve completely.  Five years ago, I was either in constant pain in my forearm, or it felt numb, and my terrible headaches in my eye area came and went.  Now, I barely feel anything in my forearm.  I rarely have headaches.  I feel tension in the muscles up and down my right side at times.  It’s not pins and needles or numbness any longer.  It’s just tension.
 

The drop foot similarity — exactly.  It is sort of like a drop foot.  My foot turns slightly inward because the arch is spasming or contracting.  I used to twist my ankle a lot or fall down stairs because of it.  What I told my foot to do, it just didn’t do.  I would step down to the next step and land in the side of my foot with my ankle bent inward.  My hip is also contracting and so is the front part of my calf muscles.  Al those muscles are connected by ligaments up and down the leg and foot.

 

Its just atrocious the way that doctors refuse to use their brains when it comes to anti-depressants and their dangers.  Doctors know that other drugs cause drop foot and various muscular issues.  They know how.  They simply refuse to believe that SSRIs are capable of causing the sane problems.  A neurologist who does not believe this is caused by SSRIs for this long isn’t worth his salt, in my opinion. He’s brainwashed.  That means he’s ineffectual and worthless for this particular issue.  Good thing your body can fix this all on its own.

Hi @Rosettathank you for your reply and sorry it’s taken me until now to reply to you. I definitely can relate to the increase in symptoms during your menstrual cycle - that is a pattern I have also noticed. That is unbelievable that you have been affected by similar muscle/foot drop symptoms. So sorry, also relieved to hear it’s not just me. I went for acupuncture today and the woman worked on my feet and legs and the needles were moving on their own because of muscles twitching and contracting. It’s so frightening. I hope you are doing well right now? X 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

I’m really, really struggling. Can anyone offer any advice or support? My symptoms - twitching, muscle weakness, cramps - have returned worse than previously and I can’t rationalise with myself that I don’t have a progressive neurological condition. It is sending me in to complete panic and I can’t think straight. Just keep thinking about leaving my daughter without a mum. I’m feeling desperate. 

[christianjw12]

1 hour ago, HealthHopeHappiness said:

I’m really, really struggling. Can anyone offer any advice or support? My symptoms - twitching, muscle weakness, cramps - have returned worse than previously and I can’t rationalise with myself that I don’t have a progressive neurological condition. It is sending me in to complete panic and I can’t think straight. Just keep thinking about leaving my daughter without a mum. I’m feeling desperate. 

Hi @HealthHopeHappiness, try to use acceptance to go through your situation. Muscle twitching and weakness are very very common during antidepressant withdrawal. I also experience this, I used to have a lot of muscle twitching as well (I'm 13 months off Lexapro and I only took it for 3 months including taper) but lately they are very mild. The fact that your muscles twitch doesn't mean you have Parkinson disease or anything, it's only because you have a chemical imbalance caused by the antidepressant and your body is trying to fix it. Althought, the fix is not linear, sometimes you'll feel better and you'll get worse again, this is the classic pattern of people suffering antidepressant withdrawal. Try to just leave your symptoms be, without trying to change your experience because you have very little control about it. If you don't feel too weak, try to walk a few miles, it does really help. Try to have a regular sleep pattern (like going to bed around the same time every night), eat healthy and avoid coffee maybe (I replaced it with green tea in the morning and it does help for the fatigue). If you're able to read, I would recommend you to read the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It helps a lot for anxiety, depression.

 

[Rosetta]

I used to worry about leaving my daughter without a mother all the time.  A fear such as that is a withdrawal symptom.  We try to attach it to something else that is going on because it is so irrational.  Having a symptom that is also a symptom of a neurological disease makes that connection so easy.  However, the fear of dying is a symptom of withdrawal.  This is because the fight or flight system is activated by the dysautonomia that resulted from stopping the supply of drug.  This sort of thing is what keeps addicts of street drugs on their drugs.  
 

We do not get an immediate sense of well being from another dose of AD, but the fear, anxiety, foreboding, and uneasiness is still a result of the brain trying to function without the drug.  I suppose we are lucky that having another pill does not help or we would be unable to quit harming our bodies a little at a time.  You are likely to live longer now that you have ditched ADs.  Try to replace your thoughts with that thought.  Your brain is trying to warn you to get up and move.  Maybe that is why walking helps us.  Maybe you can do that.  I know it’s hard with children; we have to take them everywhere.  Walking alone isn’t an option most of the time.  Some people have treadmills by a tv here, but that’s probably very odd for people in some places.

[HealthHopeHappiness]

4 hours ago, christianjw12 said:

Hi @HealthHopeHappiness, try to use acceptance to go through your situation. Muscle twitching and weakness are very very common during antidepressant withdrawal. I also experience this, I used to have a lot of muscle twitching as well (I'm 13 months off Lexapro and I only took it for 3 months including taper) but lately they are very mild. The fact that your muscles twitch doesn't mean you have Parkinson disease or anything, it's only because you have a chemical imbalance caused by the antidepressant and your body is trying to fix it. Althought, the fix is not linear, sometimes you'll feel better and you'll get worse again, this is the classic pattern of people suffering antidepressant withdrawal. Try to just leave your symptoms be, without trying to change your experience because you have very little control about it. If you don't feel too weak, try to walk a few miles, it does really help. Try to have a regular sleep pattern (like going to bed around the same time every night), eat healthy and avoid coffee maybe (I replaced it with green tea in the morning and it does help for the fatigue). If you're able to read, I would recommend you to read the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It helps a lot for anxiety, depression.

 

 

Thanks for replying and for your suggestions. I will look into that book. It’s so reassuring to hear other people have experienced similar symptoms. I need to work on acceptance but I find it so terrifying and my brain keeps immediately going to the worst case scenario. I am fighting the urge to go back to a neurologist for a second opinion as I’ve already spent a small fortune on testing. I went to the supermarket today and i honestly felt like my left foot and leg could have given way.
 

We were on the medication for a similar timescale. Isn’t it crazy how much damage can be done this quickly?! Thanks again for taking the time to reply, I hope you continue to improve. X 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

40 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I used to worry about leaving my daughter without a mother all the time.  A fear such as that is a withdrawal symptom.  We try to attach it to something else that is going on because it is so irrational.  Having a symptom that is also a symptom of a neurological disease makes that connection so easy.  However, the fear of dying is a symptom of withdrawal.  This is because the fight or flight system is activated by the dysautonomia that resulted from stopping the supply of drug.  This sort of thing is what keeps addicts of street drugs on their drugs.  
 

We do not get an immediate sense of well being from another dose of AD, but the fear, anxiety, foreboding, and uneasiness is still a result of the brain trying to function without the drug.  I suppose we are lucky that having another pill does not help or we would be unable to quit harming our bodies a little at a time.  You are likely to live longer now that you have ditched ADs.  Try to replace your thoughts with that thought.  Your brain is trying to warn you to get up and move.  Maybe that is why walking helps us.  Maybe you can do that.  I know it’s hard with children; we have to take them everywhere.  Walking alone isn’t an option most of the time.  Some people have treadmills by a tv here, but that’s probably very odd for people in some places.

How did you overcome the fear @Roseta? My issue with the walking right now is I feel my foot/leg are going to give way. Awful. Thank you for your kind reply and advice, it means more than you know. X 

[christianjw12]

1 hour ago, HealthHopeHappiness said:

Thanks for replying and for your suggestions. I will look into that book. It’s so reassuring to hear other people have experienced similar symptoms. I need to work on acceptance but I find it so terrifying and my brain keeps immediately going to the worst case scenario. I am fighting the urge to go back to a neurologist for a second opinion as I’ve already spent a small fortune on testing. I went to the supermarket today and i honestly felt like my left foot and leg could have given way.
 

We were on the medication for a similar timescale. Isn’t it crazy how much damage can be done this quickly?! Thanks again for taking the time to reply, I hope you continue to improve. X 

 

Yes it's crazy that we have to endure this hellish experience for only 3 months of medication. But I know my body is very sensitive to any kind of drugs so maybe that's why the damage caused by antidepressant is so intense. But the brain is neuroplastic and apparently it's during our sleep that it repairs the most.

[HealthHopeHappiness]

Oh I am struggling. I’m trying so hard but I am struggling. Still managing to go to work. look after my daughter and function reasonably well, on the outside, but inside I am ruminating and dealing with Adrenalin surges from the minute I start my day. The twitching is awful. Absolutely terrible. The worst that it has ever been. It used to only affect my left side. Now it is everywhere - my legs, arms, hands, feet, lip, chin, eyes, stomach, genitals, everywhere. I have a constant need to move my left thumb and forefinger to the point where my hand is aching and I need pain relief. If I try to overcome the urge to move it it starts moving itself. Sometimes I want to squeeze it so hard to make the feeling stop. What is this?? Is it akathisia? I am due to get my second COVID jag on 20th June and I am terrified it’s going to set me back further. I also found out last week that I need pelvic surgery and this is going to involve general anaesthesia and pain relief. How will my CNS cope with this? I need to cope. My daughter needs me. I’m scared. 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

Just to add, this is how my thought pattern goes when the twitching starts… oh no, I’m twitching. I am dying. My daughter is going to lose me, how will she cope without me? She needs me, I need her. I should start planning for when I’m not here. Will my husband know where everything is? Will he meet someone else once I’m gone? It’s all my fault. Repeat x 1000 each day. 
 

I have weekly CBT sessions, I tried to practice gratitude, I tried yoga, I take the fish oil and magnesium, I listen to mindfulness, I cut out sugar and caffeine and alcohol, I eat healthy, I do breathwork, I go for acupuncture. Nothing works. I tell myself to surrender, let it all in and accept it, trust my body. But I can’t. I am too scared to because when I do the thoughts just pour into my brain like acid. 

[Rosetta]

Hi.  There is another Roseta spelled with one t.  I didn’t see your question at first, and then, I wrote an answer to you twice, but lost both of them when my phone died.  Some little monkey keeps carrying my chargers away.  
 

I think I just suffered through worrying that I would die and leave my child behind until that intrusive thought and the anxiety that made it feel prophetic finally faded.  I didn’t have much control over it.  It was awful.  I rea

ly feel for you there.  You cannot avoid and distract from your baby very easily. 
 

You can do a few things to try to make sure your daughter has a good mom in the here and now.  That will help you later on when you come out of this fog of war type delusion.  Take lots of pictures of the two of you doing things together — puzzles, painting, play dough, etc.  Read to her every night.  Evening is when you may have a break from the anxiety.  So, I read to my daughter every night - no matter how bad I felt.  It became a bedtime ritual that was comforting to both of us.  She knew we would have that time together even if I was a wreck during the day.  If you can’t read, there are books through Audible you can buy and listen to.  Just get a few.  Little ones like the same books over and over.  
 

Hopefully, you can read very short books.  Board books with parts that move and books with flaps — that sort of thing are great.   There is one called Tails by Matthew Van Fleet.  I have kept all the books that my daughter and I read when I was very sick, and they bring me such joy.  I can remember how I struggled through being there for her as I look through them.  I’m very proud of that, and I know it had an impact on her.  Van Fleet produced a few others like Tails.  Any book with things the child can touch and move will be good.  
 

Sandra Boyton wrote a lot of great board books.  The Going to Bed Book was our favorite.  Opposites was, too.  
 

Pat the Bunny is a good one, too, for tactile sensation.  I will look for other titles.  We had a lot of bunny books: The Runaway Bunny, Little Bunny’s Sleepless Night, The Little Rabbit Who Wanted Red Wings.  The Peter Rabbit compendium with all the beautiful, original pictures is worth the price.

 

There are Pop Up books on eBay.  They are fragile.  They tend to be expensive, so buying them second hand is nice.  If they are torn, a 3 year old won’t mind.  She may tear them.  If she loves the book a lot you can get an intact copy when she’s 5 or 6.  That’s when kids start to notice things are damaged or not perfect.  Before that few of them care.  There is a set of Peter Rabbit pop up books.  
 

We had favorite shows, too, that were quiet and calm.  Tumble Leaf and Puffin Rock were perfect if I needed her to calm down and be chill.  I think Tumble Leaf might be on Amazon now.   Puffin Rock is on Netflix.   The pig — Peppa Pig — that was quiet.  That’s on Amazon Prime.  Sarah and Duck is quiet, and it’s on Amazon Prime.  It’s trippy, too.  Octonauts is a good one, but that one is a little louder.  It depends on how you might be feeling.  Sometimes I couldn’t handle that one.

 

Give your child almost no sugar!  Do not allow anyone else to give her sugar.  Your life and hers will be so much less dramatic.  My family wouldn’t cooperate with me on this one.  I really needed her moods to stay more even, but I could not get the cooperation.  She will have fewer ups and downs, and that’s important because there are a lot of ups and downs with a toddler.  Give her warm milk before naps and bed.  Don’t let her watch any frenetic shows before naps or bed.

 

I hope this helps you.  Rosetta

 

[HealthHopeHappiness]

On 6/9/2021 at 6:52 AM, Rosetta said:

Hi.  There is another Roseta spelled with one t.  I didn’t see your question at first, and then, I wrote an answer to you twice, but lost both of them when my phone died.  Some little monkey keeps carrying my chargers away.  
 

I think I just suffered through worrying that I would die and leave my child behind until that intrusive thought and the anxiety that made it feel prophetic finally faded.  I didn’t have much control over it.  It was awful.  I rea

ly feel for you there.  You cannot avoid and distract from your baby very easily. 
 

You can do a few things to try to make sure your daughter has a good mom in the here and now.  That will help you later on when you come out of this fog of war type delusion.  Take lots of pictures of the two of you doing things together — puzzles, painting, play dough, etc.  Read to her every night.  Evening is when you may have a break from the anxiety.  So, I read to my daughter every night - no matter how bad I felt.  It became a bedtime ritual that was comforting to both of us.  She knew we would have that time together even if I was a wreck during the day.  If you can’t read, there are books through Audible you can buy and listen to.  Just get a few.  Little ones like the same books over and over.  
 

Hopefully, you can read very short books.  Board books with parts that move and books with flaps — that sort of thing are great.   There is one called Tails by Matthew Van Fleet.  I have kept all the books that my daughter and I read when I was very sick, and they bring me such joy.  I can remember how I struggled through being there for her as I look through them.  I’m very proud of that, and I know it had an impact on her.  Van Fleet produced a few others like Tails.  Any book with things the child can touch and move will be good.  
 

Sandra Boyton wrote a lot of great board books.  The Going to Bed Book was our favorite.  Opposites was, too.  
 

Pat the Bunny is a good one, too, for tactile sensation.  I will look for other titles.  We had a lot of bunny books: The Runaway Bunny, Little Bunny’s Sleepless Night, The Little Rabbit Who Wanted Red Wings.  The Peter Rabbit compendium with all the beautiful, original pictures is worth the price.

 

There are Pop Up books on eBay.  They are fragile.  They tend to be expensive, so buying them second hand is nice.  If they are torn, a 3 year old won’t mind.  She may tear them.  If she loves the book a lot you can get an intact copy when she’s 5 or 6.  That’s when kids start to notice things are damaged or not perfect.  Before that few of them care.  There is a set of Peter Rabbit pop up books.  
 

We had favorite shows, too, that were quiet and calm.  Tumble Leaf and Puffin Rock were perfect if I needed her to calm down and be chill.  I think Tumble Leaf might be on Amazon now.   Puffin Rock is on Netflix.   The pig — Peppa Pig — that was quiet.  That’s on Amazon Prime.  Sarah and Duck is quiet, and it’s on Amazon Prime.  It’s trippy, too.  Octonauts is a good one, but that one is a little louder.  It depends on how you might be feeling.  Sometimes I couldn’t handle that one.

 

Give your child almost no sugar!  Do not allow anyone else to give her sugar.  Your life and hers will be so much less dramatic.  My family wouldn’t cooperate with me on this one.  I really needed her moods to stay more even, but I could not get the cooperation.  She will have fewer ups and downs, and that’s important because there are a lot of ups and downs with a toddler.  Give her warm milk before naps and bed.  Don’t let her watch any frenetic shows before naps or bed.

 

I hope this helps you.  Rosetta

 

Thanks for all the tips Rosetta, very kind xx