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Ten0275: I'm Dave and if I am capable of healing, each of you are - Please hang in there.


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Congratulations Dave, you've earned it. Enjoy the shiny, new brain! 🧠

Started Lexapro 5mg Mid March 2020

 

Increased to 10mg April 2020

Increased to 15mg June 2020

Decreased back down to 10mg July 2020

Decreased down to 5mg August 2020

Came off Completely September 2020

 

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manymoretodays

Yay!  :)  Thanks Dave/Ten!

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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@ten0275 Thank you so much Dave! And congratulations for your healing! You are such an inspiration for me.
Always the good words to give us hope! 

Mimi79

2008-2019: various ADs at various doses, initially for anxiety related insomnia.

2015: C/T Paxil - GP switch me to Mirtazapine and Pristiq. 2018: Switched Pristiq to Venlafaxine (For tapering)

2019-01: Stopped Venlafaxine after a 10 months taper. Updosed Mirtazapine to 45mg.

Summer 2019: Fast taper of Mirtazapine. Sept 2019, down to 30mg, hit bad W/D symptoms, so updosed to 45mg.

Tried escitalopram 10mg, C/T after 4 weeks. Tried Buspar, C/T after 5 days.

Jan 2020: Second mirtazapine weaning attempt, but end of january, big wave of symptoms, back to 45mg Mirtazapine.

Feb 2020: 50mg quetiapineXR, CT after 1 week. 21 Feb 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization.

Quetiapine 25mg  PRN since may 2019, March 2020 stopped.

Mirtazapine taper, from 45mg:  2020-10-21 43.88mg, 10-28 42.75mg, 11-04 41.63mg, 11-11 40.5mg, 11-24 41.6mg, 12-03 42.20mg, updose 2021–01-15 to 42,7 and holding.

Ativan prn since jan 2021. Became accidentally dep. March 2021.
Actually Ativan 0,29mg / 2021-03-30 0.28mg/ 2021-04-08 0.27mg/

Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, Omega-3, D vit, Probiotic.

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Yes excellent. Big uplift for me. Telling my supporters so they can remind me.

  •  1995 -1998 prozac 20 mg; unsuccessful C.T.
  • 1998-2004 paxil 10 mg ; unsuccessful C.T. 
  •  2004-current  lexapro 10 mg
  •  2009 added drug Wellbutrin 150mg, 2016  bupropian300 mg XL
  • 2019  start taper June-;alternated between 300 mg and 150 mg XL (as per PCP guidelines) until  reached daily bupropian 150 mg XL in December 2019
  • 2020 January-March skipping 1 -4 days in between 150 mg XL then crashed mid month March
  • 2020 March-April resumed skipping every 3 days
  • 2020 April 28 began splitting bupropion 75 mg HCL and taking 37.5 mg am &  pm
  • 2020 April discovered SA and the brassmonkey slide taper; making own pills now
  • 2020 June 10-71.3 mg bupropion HCL (2 pills daily -divided);July 10 -67.7 mg;August 9 -64.3;August 31-61.1;September 21-58.0; October 12-55.1; November 2-52.4 mg bupropion HCL;December 3-8 -49.8; reinstated December 9 -52.4mg,ALL ARE GENERIC
  • 2021 January 7 liquid taper of Wellbutrin done by compound pharmacist . Same amount as before.
  • 2021 January 29 liquid lexapro done by compound pharmacist.
  • 2021 February 4 began  taper at 5% so now at 9.5mg. 
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getofflex

@ten0275I'm so touched and inspired by your story that I'm crying tears of relief.  Thank you for sharing this!  Jennifer 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10 

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, multivitamin, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 3 mg, calcium

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wantrelief
37 minutes ago, ten0275 said:

And of course in the middle of it all, when time seems to move so, so slowly... it truly seems an insurmountable and unending challenge. I was glad to be proven otherwise. 🙂 And I truly believe that healing is within everyone's grasp no matter what the medications, the genetics, or life has dealt upon you.

This is so beautiful and helpful, Dave.  Thank you so much for everything you have written and for all of the support you have provided here. Congratulations on your recovery!!

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin
-Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg.
-Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin.
-8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin

-11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December.  12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

-7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg

2021: 1/3/21: 7.8 mg (1.27% drop); 1/24/21: 7.7 mg (1.29%); 1/31/21: 7.6 mg (1.17%); 2/7/21: 7.5 mg (1.19%); 2/14/21: 7.4 mg (1.34%); 2/28/21: 7.3 mg (1.25%); 3/7/21: 7.2 mg (1.25%); 3/21/21: 7.1 mg (1.25%); 3/28/21: 7.0 (1.25%)

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I can't thank you enough, Dave, for the hope and compassion you share with us here.  I've felt quite desperate recently, but support from others and now, reading your post really, really helps.  All my best wishes to you.   What strength it must've taken you.

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

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Dave, I know we don't know each other but I'm so dang proud of you. I'm currently struggling and in a bad wave and I sometimes think I can't do it. I really appreciate your story and testimony to keep me strong.

2005- 2008: Lorazepam (max dose- 1 MG daily)

2008- 2016: Lexapro (max dose-10 MG daily)

January 2017- March 2017- Pristiq (max dose- 100 MG daily)

April 2017- June 2017: Trintellix (max dose- 10 MG)

July 2017- October 2017:  Lexapro (max dose-10 MG daily)

November 2017- April 2018- Luvox (max dose- 100 MG)

May 2018- Zoloft (max dose- 18.75)

5/28/18- 3 MG Lexapro, 6/3/18- 3 MG Lexapro, 6/7/18- 3.5 MG Lexapro, 6/13/18- 4 MG Lexapro, 6/21/18- 4.5 MG Lexapro, 6/28/18- Present- 4 MG Lexapro  

 

"The Journey is The Reward"

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Great news Dave! May you live long and prosper!

 

Feb 2015 Invega 9mg tapered to zero over 6 month, Levomepromazine 25mg for 3 monthsCitalopram raised from 20mg to 80mg over 3 months, at 80mg for 1 year and 5 months, Venlaxafine raised from 150mg to 450mg over 3 months (after citalopram) maintained for 1 year and 2 months. Cold turkey off both.     Two shots of haldol decanoate. Alprazolam from 0.5 to 7(!) mg due to the immense stress of the ads. Down to 2.5mg October 2017

Occtober 2017 - Dec 2017 Moclobemide raised from 200mg to 800mg during a month and half discontinued with no tapering.

Jan 2017 Feb 2017Fluvoxamine and Venlaxafine 300mg and 450mg, abrupt start, no tapering in discontinuation. 30mg Mirtazapin at night.

Close to two months off antidepressants but on benzos. 6 months on 2.5mg alprazolam, Diazepam 5mg for 1.5 months. Currently on 600mg peronten, 400mg seroquel xr, Risperdal Consta 50mg. 

In the past 8 months dropped quitapine from 400 -> 300->200->100->75->50->25. Dropped paliperidone palmitate 100 to 75mg (two months on the lower dosage) Dropped Gabapentin 300mg->200mg->100mg->0

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freespirit

Congratulations Dave! You've done an amazing job not just of coming off meds, but also, of documenting your journey in such a profound way. I remember reading your thread early on and finding so much inspiration from your writing and experiences. I'm so grateful for the support you've shown me while we travel this path together. I hope you are proud of what you've done--including the ways in which you've supported so many others. 

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium. What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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@wantrelief@arbor@ryan1982@Jay78@freespirit

 

It means a lot that you stopped by, checked out the success story, and gave me some good wishes. If anything I've ever written on this site has helped, or will help, another going through the process, it is truly a gift to me.

 

I'd never want to go through what I went through in withdrawal again. But I am stronger because I did survive it. I'm more certain of my own strength - as a human being. There were so many people that showed me compassion and care during my darkest days of struggling when I didn't think I was going to make it - and when I didn't even feel like I deserved the compassion and care extended to me. There were some times when I questioned... everything.

 

What are the gifts we can give each other on a peer support site like this? We can give the gift of relaying our own unique stories so that others can find solace in a shared experience of suffering. We can give the gift of techniques that have worked for us in terms of lessening the suffering during the ups and downs of windows and waves. We can give the gift of sharing both our triumphs and missteps, so that others might utilize or avoid them. But honestly, in my opinion, the best gift we can ever give is hearing one another - of being present to listen to one another. Of validating the experiences that so much of the medical establishment and drug industry invalidate. Of bearing witness to our shared journeys. Of being peers - through the thick and the thin of it.

 

I found these gifts here.

 

Hang in there,

Dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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@ten0275Thank you for gracing the site with your success story.

 

Your writing is always calming and your posts helpful to anyone struggling. 

 

On 1/11/2021 at 1:45 PM, ten0275 said:

I was pretty sure that having been medicated since I was a child, and on some drugs that aren't even prescribed anymore, that I was beyond healing. And of course in the middle of it all, when time seems to move so, so slowly... it truly seems an insurmountable and unending challenge. I was glad to be proven otherwise. 🙂

 

This especially resonated and is something that needs to be messaged. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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HardTimes

Hey Dave. Thanks for writing this. I just read your earlier "almost there" success story and found it moving and helpful. I'm kind of in that really crappy place you describe, but then again, maybe not as bad as what you went through. I can't believe how many people have it even worse than me, and yet I feel so very horrible! But I appreciate your points about the hospital - I'm kind of on the verge of checking myself into one, if I could find one to check in to, because I want to abdicate responsibility for all this. I'm so, so, so sick and tired of trying to figure it out an make the effort, I just want to check in somewhere and let someone else take charge. But I take your story as a warning not to do so, tempting as it might be. Thanks for staying in touch here and helping out people who aren't there yet.

15+ years Citalopram 10mg (sometimes 20?)

2019 Citalopram 5mg. No problem reduction.

2020 Citalopram 5mg to zero. (Feb)

2020 (Feb - mid Oct): Very rare use of 0.125 or .25mg Xanax for really bad symptoms

2020 (Feb - Nov): Occasional use of "Nytol" sleep aid (an antihistamine). 

2020 Failed reinstatement: Escitalopram by accident (not Citalopram).  

 -- using a scale, started July 27 0.5mg, doubled every week or so to reach 5mg by Aug 30. Too fast - terrible depression, quit.

2020 (Oct-current): Supplements:

 -- Morning: Magnesium 300mg, Omega 3(483 EPA, 360 DHA +Vit E) Night: Liquid Valerian/Passiflore/Escholtzia - French organic herbal sleep aid, 1.9mg LD Melatonin 

2020 Current - new Citalopram reinstatement. (Accidentally started with Escitalopram before realizing and switching to Citalopram Oct. 30)

 -- using pipette method: Oct 30, 0.25mg; Nov. 4th, 0.375; Dec. 1st 0.5mg, Dec. 21st 0.75mg Jan 19: Decide reinstatement fail: Jan 21 0.625mg, Jan 28: 0.5mg Feb 8 0mg

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senseless

Hi Dave,

Congrats on your success and thankyou for sharing, it provides much needed hope for the community. 

I was wondering if you could detail the progression of your sleep?

6.01.20 - 6.02.20: Seroquel/Quetiapine 25mg

7.02.20 - 13.02.20: Attempted CT ran into extreme rebound insomnia

13.02.20 - 04.07.20Reinstated and holding Seroquel/Quetiapine 13.5mg, 1mg Circadin 

Began Tapering of Seroquel

04.07.20 - Quetiapine 13mg 12.07.20 - Quetiapine 12.5mg 20.07.20 - Quetiapine 12mg 28.07.20 - Quetiapine 11.5mg

02.08.20 - Quetiapine 11.mg 06.08.20 - Quetiapine 10.5mg 10.08.20 - Quetiapine 10mg 15.08.20 Quetiapine 9.5mg

18.08.20 Quetiapine 9mg 23.08.20 Quetiapine 8.5 27.08.20 Quetiapine 8mg 31.08.20 Quetiapine 7.75mg 02.09.20 Quetiapine 7.5mg 06.09.20 Quetiapine 7.25mg 08.09.20 Quetiapine 7mg 12.09.20 Quetiapine 6.75mg 14.09.20 Quetiapine 6.5mg 19.09.20 Quetiapine 6.25mg 21.09.20 Quetiapine 6mg 24.09.20 Quetiapine 5.75mg 01.10.20 Quetiapine 5.5mg 03.10.20 Quetiapine 5.25mg 05.10.2020 Quetiapine 5mg 09.10.2020 Quetiapine 4.75mg 12.10.2020 Quetiapine 4.5mg 14.10.2020 Quetiapine 4.25mg 17.10.2020 Quetiapine 4mg 21.10.2020 Quetiapine 3.75mg 24.10.2020 Quetiapine 3.5mg 1.11.2020 Quetiapine 3 mg 7.11.2020 Quetiapine 2.5 mgs 13.11.2020 Quetiapine 2 mg 16.11.2020 Quetiapine 1.5 mg 20.11.2020 Quetiapine 1.25mg 23.11.2020 Quetiapine 1mg 26.12.2020 Quetiapine 0.75mg 16.01.2020 Quetiapine 0.5mg 17.02.2020 Quetiapine 0.25mg 17.03.2021 Quetiapine 0.125mg 9.04.2021 Quetiapine 0!!!

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@Shep

I'm truly grateful if my writing has a soothing effect. I know how important that is at all stages of the process. Thank you so much for the kind words, they mean a lot.

 

@HardTimes

I can very much appreciate what you are saying when you note that a driving force behind your urge to hospitalize is the abdication of responsibility. Well said. That is a lot of what it was for me. In my case, I was having such heavy-hitting intrusive thoughts of self and external harm, I just wanted to take my own power away because at that point, the fear caused me to not trust myself - at all. I wanted to give up whatever control I had left in the name of not having to own the suffering or the consequences of the suffering. It was the wrong choice for me to hospitalize once, let alone twice. It was completely fear-driven. I had to learn by getting burned in that case. It didn't sink me obviously, but it probably set me back a bit. I'm glad if what I wrote helped you to frame your own decision-making. It's nice to meet you, thanks for the good words. Hang in there, and keep up the good work.

 

@senseless

Thank you for the congratulations, I really do appreciate that. Sleep was a struggle for me very early, when the benzo and mirtazapine withdrawal were happening in destructive unison. I went through approximately 2 months where I was essentially netting zero hours of sleep. Basically my body would lose consciousness for about 10 to 20 minutes when it simply couldn't operate anymore and I'd snap (literally, an in-my-head audible snapping sound and muscle jerk) awake for another indeterminate time-frame.

 

After those couple of months, the sleep started to come back... slowly. When I was around 7.5.mg on the Remeron, I'd sleep well during periods of stabilization. Every time I would cut, I'd lose that stabilization and have low-sleep and sometimes no-sleep nights. Now an interesting thing for me - and perhaps it is the result of my laboriously slow taper - is that once I got below 2mg, the cuts didn't really effect my sleep any more. And when I jumped, sleep was not an issue. I couldn't believe that. I had braced myself for a bad round of sleepless nights post-taper and it never came. All this to say that as my nervous system would gain some semblance of equilibrium between cuts, the sleep would even out. And in fact, better sleep was a sign to me that I had in fact stabilized.

 

At this point, I still will have periods of poorer sleep if I am not careful with histamine intake. This is a leftover wound from the Mirtazapine and how it impacts the histamine receptors. But I try to be careful and usually that caution is rewarded with good results. If sleep starts falling off, I know I need to reign in the histamine again.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Hang in there,

Dave

Edited by ten0275
typo city

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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Beautiful story ❤️

Started Lamictal and Brintellix in November 2015

May 2016 Discontinued Lamictal 100 to 50 and then stopped completely.

October 20, 2016 discontinued Brintellex 10 to 5 then went from 5 to 0 on November 10, 2016.

 

Currently off all antidepressants

 

Current Supplements:  L-Theanine, Natural Progesterone, L-Methylfolate, Vitamin D, Omega-3's, Probiotic

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@Sheera

 

I appreciate you taking the time to read my story, and check in. It means a lot.

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you for posting your story I am so pleased for you. 

I am 4.5 years into w.d and still suffering I went cold turkey. I have not had many days of seeing much hope. Had a massive pile of stress the last 2 years and this has for sure taken its toll on me. I am in a constant state of high anxiety with no days off and it's crippling and don't have much of a life at all. 

 

Would like to ask you if you suffered with extreme anxiety and also did you have a lot of things to work through from the past and did you seek therapy? Any thing you can pass on through your journey will help me if you don't mind sharing. 

 

Thank you. 

Waves 

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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@waves12, hello.

 

Thank you for taking the time to check in, and for the good words, much appreciated.

 

I'm sorry for the suffering you've endured. It's been a long march to the sea for you, that constant anxiety is not an easy thing to handle for long duration. And I absolutely understand that any extra stress applied to a dysregulated nervous system is basically petrol on an already raging fire.

 

The extreme anxiety for me began in the couple years leading up to withdrawal when I was likely experiencing some sort of tolerance issues. It wasn't constant in those lead-up years, but it grew ever more-so as I inched closer, unaware, to the point where everything just fell apart for me. It reached its skin-crawling pinnacle during acute withdrawal where it was literally 24/7 for a number of months, before subtly fading. That was the most horrible period of my life, by leagues, thus far.

 

To be honest, I didn't really know what I would have to work through from my past. We all have varying degrees of dents, dings, and scar tissue from the lives we lead. I went through withdrawal starting at aged 36 years old and had been on medication of some sort or other since I was under 10 years old. I never felt like I had a clear understanding of what living meant from behind that sort of cloud. That said, I did utilize a psychologist to work towards getting to know myself for who I truly was without the medication being a part of my composition. I had absolutely no idea who I was without chemical alteration. That was at once terrifying and invigorating in the wake of withdrawal.

 

During that time, I also sought non-pharmaceutical ways of handling the sort of baseline depression and anxiety that is, in varying degrees, part of the human experience. I still employ those techniques today when life starts dealing on me. I believe that is an important thing for anyone to learn as they taper their medications, or deal with the aftermath of rapid discontinuation. Life is a rough room and having tools for mitigating the stress it contains makes it an easier room to navigate.

 

I really hope you see some relief soon. Hang in there,

 

Dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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getofflex
22 hours ago, ten0275 said:

(clipped)

....... And I absolutely understand that any extra stress applied to a dysregulated nervous system is basically petrol on an already raging fire.

 

......

 

Dave

Isn't that the truth!  I have experienced this myself in spades during the past year.  Jennifer 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10 

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, multivitamin, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 3 mg, calcium

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@ten0275 Wow! Brought me to tears. I am so grateful and thankful for you and others to share your story. It gives hope to those of us that are in the middle (or beginning) stages like myself. It makes me feel like no matter what...I CAN do this!!! Thank you! And I'm so proud and happy for you. I, too, WILL be there someday. 🙂

2005-2017 started on AD for sleep then on and off Paxil, Zoloft, Lexapro, and others that I can't remember

2017 Lexapro 10 mg

2018 Jan-Tried getting off lexapro. (within about a 4-6 week period) 

2018 March- Got back on Lexapro 10mg

2018 June Switched to Wellbutrin. (don't remember dosage)

2018 August Switched to Sertraline. 25 mg, 50, 75, then back down to 50 

2019 December...back on Sertraline 25 mg 

2020 January-switched back to Escitalopram 5 mg

2020 March-December Escitalopram 10 mg

2021 Jan-started BMS taper w/2 wk hold (using liquid form)

2021 March 7.97mg

Occasionally .25mg Melatonin (as needed)

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@Krisseyb, hi.

 

You brightened my day :) Thank you for the kind words, and thank you for taking the time to check out my story, that means a lot. And best of all, if you gleaned some inspiration and confidence in your own eventual success in healing from it, it doesn't get much better than that for me. :)

 

No matter what, you can do this. And you will be there some day :)

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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Congratulations Dave,

I've been reading your thread the whole morning. To say that it is inspiring is an understatment. It is so important for people like us, still suffering with WD, to have an example like you. You said a couple of times in your thread that you are not special and that if you can survive WD anyone can. Well, I think you are exceptional and a very brave person. 

You've inspired me to take my diet very seriously. I am eating healthy already, but I've been delaying big changes. After suffering from ED in the past, eating is such a plessure for me, so it makes me a bit sad an anxious to change that. But I understand that is for my own well-being and that I don't have to be restrictive for my whole life.

I cant thank you enough!!

Big hugs,

 

Almu.

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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@almuPA, hi.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thread and for the kind words, it means a lot. Withdrawal is truly one of those things that I would never choose to undertake again, but having gotten through it, I wouldn't trade the lessons I've learned for anything and even further, I'm grateful for the ability to add any amount of inspiration or comfort to those still climbing the mountain. Withdrawal weakened me to a state I'd never been reduced to before, but left me stronger than I've ever been in my life.

 

I'm glad the dietary changes resonated with you. Withdrawal really gave me pause to consider what I consumed on so many levels. And not just food, but what I was putting into my mind as well in the way of media and experience. With both food and media/experience, I am seeking ultimate nutritive value. Does that mean I never go headfirst into a big cake - absolutely not! :) But I make that the exception and it is an absolute joy when that exception is made!

 

Thanks again for checking in, I wish you the absolute best in your healing!

 

Hang in there,

Dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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Cocopuffz17

Great read! I feel very similar to you in the respect that going through withdrawals pushed me to the absolute lowest of lows, but it did make me the strongest I have ever been in my life. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES, I LOVE it !!!!  Hope all continues to go well with you! Have a great day :) 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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Hi @ten0275

 

Congratulations on getting off these drugs..and thank you for sharing your experience.

 

I am two years off mirtazapine, and I had a few questions about your symptoms and symptom patterns..

 

My main symptoms now are GI flares (burping, flatulence, multiple BMs), hot/cold dysregulation, and tired but wired feeling at night, all of which affect my sleep (get 4 hrs most days, with occasional bonus nights of 6+ hours and some sleepless nights 2-3 a month).

 

During the day, I have light anxiety, blurry vision, brain fog, occasional dizziness, and most evenings are symptoms free.

 

Did you find that your symptoms post mirtazapine got more more frequent but less intense or shorter in duration? 

 

Given that my IBS/GI issues has been the most chronic symptom, I have been working on healing it, along with a low fodmap diet, which has helped.  I don't generally choose food based on  low histamine, but I make sure I eat fresh, avoid fermented or leftovers.

 

But last night, I had a severe flare which I suspect could be histamine related -

 

I have never reacted to perfumes like that, so I am wondering  if histamine intolerance worsens over time..or of it's something else like mcas..

 

I generally experience the symptoms between 11:30pm and 4am, which is peak mast cell/histamine time.

Chronic IBS since 1990

Former smoker (1992- Jun 2017)

Prescribed mirtazapine for sleep in Aug 2017 after IBS flare-up following Nicotine cessation.

Mirtazapine 7.5mg 8/17 to 5/18

Mirtazapine 3.75mg 5/18 to 1/19

Off Mirtazapine since 2/19.

Vit B, Vit D+K2 and Magnesium Glycinate as needed.

On Ayurvedic herbs for GI issues - Guduchi since Jul 2020, Indukantham since Oct 2020

On Ashwagandha 1g since Nov 2020

 

 

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Your success story is amazing’. So glad to hear.  I have a question. I was on Xanax for a month from Aug-Sept. .25mg. Doc said to just stop it’s a low dose. Then Zoloft for a few weeks then Seroquel.   Do you think I could’ve had withdrawals from Xanax?  Also my doc is stopping the Seroquel says I don’t  have the diagnosis for that medication. I was on 75-50-25 but I did stop 2x for a week at a time and went back on. I’m on 25 mg now for a month but been on for 4 months. She said just stop it’s a low dose.   I was getting a liquid made to taper at a compounding pharmacy was at 20 mg. She isn’t giving me any more refills. Can I just stop it?  I have 30 day supply left of the pills.  If I should cut them?  I’m so confused. 

Buspirone 5 mg August 10/20 stoped Aug 30/20 Xanax .2Aug10/20 stoped Sept 10/20 Quitiapine sept 10/20 25mg Sept 10/20 50mg Sept 30/20 75 mg Oct 2/20 50 mg Nov 1/20 25 mg Nov 24/20 stopped 50mg Nov 30 reinstated

25 mg Dec 10/20 stopped

25 mg Dec 20/20 reinstated

20mg Jan 13/21 taper 18.75 Feb 4/21

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On 2/3/2021 at 3:03 PM, Cocopuffz17 said:

Great read! I feel very similar to you in the respect that going through withdrawals pushed me to the absolute lowest of lows, but it did make me the strongest I have ever been in my life. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES, I LOVE it !!!!  Hope all continues to go well with you! Have a great day :) 

@Cocopuffz17, hello!

 

I really appreciate you checking in and I have to tell you, your success story made a HUGE impact on me when I read it back in mid-August. You went through the absolute wringer my friend, and came out solid. Scar tissue is absolutely stronger than regular tissue. The strength that comes out of enduring withdrawal is really something unique.

 

Thank you so much again for checking in, and sharing your journey on this site as well.

 

Hang in there,

Dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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4 hours ago, tsranga said:

Hi @ten0275

 

Congratulations on getting off these drugs..and thank you for sharing your experience.

 

I am two years off mirtazapine, and I had a few questions about your symptoms and symptom patterns..

 

My main symptoms now are GI flares (burping, flatulence, multiple BMs), hot/cold dysregulation, and tired but wired feeling at night, all of which affect my sleep (get 4 hrs most days, with occasional bonus nights of 6+ hours and some sleepless nights 2-3 a month).

 

During the day, I have light anxiety, blurry vision, brain fog, occasional dizziness, and most evenings are symptoms free.

 

Did you find that your symptoms post mirtazapine got more more frequent but less intense or shorter in duration? 

 

Given that my IBS/GI issues has been the most chronic symptom, I have been working on healing it, along with a low fodmap diet, which has helped.  I don't generally choose food based on  low histamine, but I make sure I eat fresh, avoid fermented or leftovers.

 

But last night, I had a severe flare which I suspect could be histamine related -

 

I have never reacted to perfumes like that, so I am wondering  if histamine intolerance worsens over time..or of it's something else like mcas..

 

I generally experience the symptoms between 11:30pm and 4am, which is peak mast cell/histamine time.

 

@tsranga, hi.

 

Thank you for checking in and for the good words, I really appreciate it.

 

You've hit on a topic that is of great interest to me - and is part of my ongoing health exploration. I've healed from the withdrawal of the Mirtazapine. I successfully weaned off. And honestly, I am stronger than I've ever been in my life. That said, I too am dealing with the histamine-related issues and they haven't necessarily gotten better - in fact in some ways, I think they have worsened or become more sensitive.

 

There is definitely something to that histamine "bucket" principal. With me, I wonder if there is actually more of a mast cell degranulation event happening cyclically that releases the histamine amongst other things. When I am having issues, that 11:30pm to 4am period of time is pretty much on the mark for when I am struggling hardest as well. Often on those nights, I will fall asleep at 9pm and wake up around 10:45/11pm with symptoms like heart palpitations, temperature dysregulation, frequent urination, etc.

 

Let me give you an example of one these events that happened to me recently. I'd been slightly less careful with my eating for a couple of weeks - not completely reckless, but I'd been enjoying some foods that usually are on my "no" list. This might have been filling the "bucket" for me. One weekend, I had a flurry of physical exertion. There was a massive snowstorm and I needed to do some intensive snow clean up. In addition, on that same weekend, I did a maximum-weight strength training workout in a sunroom that was in direct sunlight and about 80 degrees. Afterwards, I took a cold shower and meditated in that same sunroom with incense burning. For people with mast cell issues, temperature changes, sunlight, perfumes/scents, and vigorous exercise can absolutely start the ball rolling - and it did. The day after that physical activity, I had a small headache that built into a migraine over the next couple of days. And further, I felt the aforementioned symptoms listed above: wake-ups, frequent urination, heart palpitations, temperature issues, etc.

 

This is ongoing research for me. But there is no doubt in my mind that a huge proportion of people who have used Mirtazapine end up dealing with some level of histamine intolerance in the aftermath. For me, treating it and hanging in there with it is a work in progress. I use a few supplements, particularly ayurvedic (Holy Basil, etc), and also vitamins and minerals to help keep things somewhat in check. I also try to stick to a low-histamine diet, but can't often control my external triggers.

 

I will also note that I have the MTHFR genetic mutation and am a compound heterozygus at that. The MTHFR gene variation also seems prevalent in many who suffer from this.

 

For me, this is absolutely an ongoing part of my health journey. I'm going to post this out on your thread you as well as here for further discussion amongst the community.

 

I hope some of this helps. Thanks again for taking the time to write.

 

Hang in there,

Dave

Edited by ten0275

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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RickyIsHealing

Hey dave ! 

been reading through all these comments to try a grasp some hope that i will reach recovery one day , i know you have been active for a while tonight so this may not reach you until tomorrow , either way i was just going to ask a few questions if possible.

i think i am experiencing waves and windows and i think i just left a ten day window , i think?

i have once again found myself back down south and was wondering if there is any big tips you can throw at me to deal with the depressing feelings , the 24-7 simmering anxiety..i cant even eat food with out getting anxious about it ( or take a shower , or go to the shop etc. ) 

Mornings are so hard for me , i find myself trying to get back to sleep just to avoid getting up and being awake , trying to escape this feeling i guess ! mornings are horrible i hate them.

still hard through the days and nights of corse , i am also trying to look for work or maybe returning to my old work after they have spoken to the big bosses upstairs , i am so TERRIFIED about how i am going to feel there , i know i will be anxious and I'm dreading it but i need to support my family as bills do not stop as you know.

praying to get a nice long window soon , preying for this all to be over soon ..and i read that you said throwing stress onto a nervous system like mine is like throwing petrol onto the fire , AINT THAT THE TRUTH ..i cant take anything stress wise ATM , my body and mind just goes out of control and spirals , but the main of it is i feel guilty because i cant support my partner and kids , little things like i cant go to the shop to get them some sweets or crisps because we haven't the money due to me not being able to work , i feel horrible about it all ..starting to question if i will ever truly heal ! god bless us all and keep fighting guys !!! 

Unsure of dates to be honest 
but i was on 15mg mirtazapine for 4 weeks.
then went onto 30mg mirtazapine  for 3 days.
i stopped taking altogether for 3 days after the 3 days of 30mg.
read to go back on 15mg mirtazapine for 7 days to stabilize.
then onto 7.5mg mirtazapine for 7 days.
then onto 3.5mg mirtazapine for 7 days. 

been of since 12/11/2020.

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@RickyIsHealing

Thanks for checking in, man.

 

Congratulations on your 10 day window! Sorry you left it, but remember what it felt like because you'll be going back to that again once the current wave subsides. I know I was so grateful for the windows and waves pattern because it was a palpable way for me to know healing was happening.

 

Mornings are always hard - that anxiety you're talking about, I remember it well. The cortisol cycle rubs right up against the nervous system dysregulation and just makes it all the more intense. It makes everything tremendously hard.

 

My best advice, besides reminding yourself over and over that you are experiencing withdrawal and it will subside, is to try to take the days one at a time - take the moments one at a time. As cliche as it is, that "day at a time" thing dragged me through a lot of them. When you're thinking 10km down the road instead of 50m down the field, it makes a big difference in terms of that "overwhelmed" feeling we call can get in the longer days of withdrawal. So really try honing it down to moment by moment. Need to go to the shop - focus on that alone, you just need to get to the shop. After that, need to run another errand, think of that one errand only. I found that when I let my view get too far down the line I became completely overwhelmed. That doesn't mean don't plan for the future - it just means in the day-to-day grind, grind through each moment as it comes singularly.

 

And totally, totally understand the guilt feelings about not being able to support your partner or kids. I was housebound and bedridden myself for awhile and was taking a leave of absence from work for which I did not get paid. You're going to have to forgive yourself there, my friend. This is something that has happened to you. Right? You didn't ask for it. You likely wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. And you are battling absolute forces of suffering on a daily basis. You may not be financially bringing it on for your family and loved ones right now, but it sounds to me like at the very least you are showing up. You're there, you're loving and caring, heck you care enough to feel that guilt. That says a ton. Forgive yourself the lesser activity in these harder days. When you're on the other side of this, you'll make it count.

 

Hang in there my friend,

Dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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Cocopuffz17
3 hours ago, ten0275 said:

@Cocopuffz17, hello!

 

I really appreciate you checking in and I have to tell you, your success story made a HUGE impact on me when I read it back in mid-August. You went through the absolute wringer my friend, and came out solid. Scar tissue is absolutely stronger than regular tissue. The strength that comes out of enduring withdrawal is really something unique.

 

Thank you so much again for checking in, and sharing your journey on this site as well.

 

Hang in there,

Dave

 

:) I am so glad to hear that !!! Ya, it was a tough go....but I leaned on all the other individuals who went through it before me and shared their story's!  Absolutely it is!! 

 

You are welcome! You will give many people the hope they need as well as you have already seen by the replies! 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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Altostrata
On 2/4/2021 at 8:48 AM, Valj said:

Your success story is amazing’. So glad to hear.  I have a question. I was on Xanax for a month from Aug-Sept. .25mg. Doc said to just stop it’s a low dose. Then Zoloft for a few weeks then Seroquel.   Do you think I could’ve had withdrawals from Xanax?  Also my doc is stopping the Seroquel says I don’t  have the diagnosis for that medication. I was on 75-50-25 but I did stop 2x for a week at a time and went back on. I’m on 25 mg now for a month but been on for 4 months. She said just stop it’s a low dose.   I was getting a liquid made to taper at a compounding pharmacy was at 20 mg. She isn’t giving me any more refills. Can I just stop it?  I have 30 day supply left of the pills.  If I should cut them?  I’m so confused. 

 

@Valj please post your questions about your own situation in your Introductions topic. Discussing them here would derail ten0275's success story.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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Way to go Dave keep up the good work    you are a inspiration  it hits home  barney

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