Moderator Emeritus Popular Post ten0275 Posted January 10 Moderator Emeritus Popular Post Share Posted January 10 (edited) Community of Healing, hello. In December of 2014, just a bit more than 6 years ago, I came to this site after already weathering two years of nearly life-terminating withdrawal. I'd been on psychotropic medications for most of my life and in my estimation, my nervous system had decided it'd had enough. From February 2012 to approximately March of 2014, I felt I was literally living in hell. I was hospitalized twice, lost long-running friendships and new career opportunities, tried a plethora of medications, supplements, and herbs in an attempt to "fix" withdrawal, and ultimately came to the realization that pharmaceutical medications would not be the answer to my suffering. Pharmaceutical medications had been the cause of my suffering. And what my brain and body needed was support, tenderness, forgiveness, care and time... TIME... to heal. Benzodiazepines had been the first drugs I withdrew from. That was a brutal, nightmarish withdrawal, but relatively short-lived (acute @ 8 months). Tapering from Mirtazapine proved a longer journey, a much longer journey that I shared here. So this is my success story, my chapter-turning post. This is my declaration that I have been successful in tapering from medications that had deranged my nervous system to such a degree that I was scarcely able to operate in the world anymore. I took much time to make this declaration of success as I am by nature skeptical, and wanted to be sure that healing had indeed come - and come to stay. I feel that it has. I discontinued Mirtazapine, my last psychotropic medication, on June 15, 2019. There are still some echos of it that I deal with in day to day life. My issues with histamine intolerance I believe are directly attributable to Mirtazapine's affinity for histamine receptor occupancy. I manage this issue with dietary and exercise modifications as well as use of select vitamins and herbs. It is not life-deterring. It can be inconvenient and sometimes unpleasant, but it is nowhere near as debilitating as withdrawal itself had been. Despite posting this success story, I'm not going anywhere really. I am always happy to answer questions about my journey. When I was in the worst of my own withdrawal, the feedback from moderators and members of this community and elsewhere were absolute lifelines. Not that anyone could necessarily fix my problems - but I could walk away with sound, compassionate advice and if nothing else, the knowledge that my suffering had been heard, and that someone ultimately cared about me. Your suffering is heard, and someone ultimately cares about you. I want to thank @Altostrata and every moderator past and present for their kind forbearance, compassion, and dedication. I want to thank every member for their strength, endurance, bravery, and perseverance towards a healthy life free of the chemicals that have caused them harm. You all have something, many things, to be proud of. I believe in every human's potential to heal. Take your time, taper well, make the most sound choices you can, and know that healing is absolutely within your power to achieve. Hang in there, Dave Edited January 10 by ten0275 Date correction, I couldn’t math before withdrawal, and I still can’t math :) 13 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to post Share on other sites
mva96 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 Congratulations Dave, you've earned it. Enjoy the shiny, new brain! 🧠 Started Lexapro 5mg Mid March 2020 Increased to 10mg April 2020 Increased to 15mg June 2020 Decreased back down to 10mg July 2020 Decreased down to 5mg August 2020 Came off Completely September 2020 Link to post Share on other sites
Moderator manymoretodays Posted January 10 Moderator Share Posted January 10 Yay! Thanks Dave/Ten! Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays Link to post Share on other sites
Mimi79 Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 @ten0275 Thank you so much Dave! And congratulations for your healing! You are such an inspiration for me. Always the good words to give us hope! Mimi79 2008-2019: various ADs at various doses, initially for anxiety related insomnia. 2015-2018: Pristiq 50mg and Mirtazapine 30mg. Switched Pristiq to Venlafaxine. 2019-01: Stopped Venlafaxine after a 10 months taper. Updosed Mirtazapine to 45mg. Summer 2019: Fast taper of Mirtazapine. Sept 2019, down to 30mg, hit bad W/D symptoms, so updosed to 45mg. Tried escitalopram 10mg, C/T after 4 weeks. Tried Buspar, C/T after 5 days. Jan 2020: Second mirtazapine weaning attempt, but end of january, big wave of symptoms, back to 45mg Mirtazapine. Feb 2020: 50mg quetiapineXR, CT after 2 weeks. 21 Feb 2020, found SA and staying on 45mg Mirtazapine, waiting for stabilization. Quetiapine 25mg and Lorazepam 0.5mg PRN since may 2019, March 2020 stopped both. Mirtazapine taper, from 45mg: 2020-10-21 43.88mg, 10-28 42.75mg, 11-04 41.63mg, 11-11 40.5mg, 11-24 41.6mg, 12-03 42.20mg Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, Omega-3, Melatonin2mg, Probiotic. Link to post Share on other sites
benesh Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 Yes excellent. Big uplift for me. Telling my supporters so they can remind me. 1995 -1998 prozac 20 mg; unsuccessful C.T. 1998-2004 paxil 10 mg ; unsuccessful C.T. 2004-current lexapro 10 mg 2009 added drug Wellbutrin 150mg, 2016 bupropian300 mg XL 2019 start taper June-;alternated between 300 mg and 150 mg XL (as per PCP guidelines) until reached daily bupropian 150 mg XL in December 2019 2020 January-March skipping 1 -4 days in between 150 mg XL then crashed mid month March 2020 March-April resumed skipping every 3 days 2020 April 28 began splitting bupropion 75 mg HCL and taking 37.5 mg am & pm 2020 April discovered SA and the brassmonkey slide taper; making own pills now 2020 June 10-71.3 mg bupropion HCL (2 pills daily -divided);July 10 -67.7 mg;August 9 -64.3;August 31-61.1;September 21-58.0; October 12-55.1; November 2-52.4 mg bupropion HCL;December 3-8 -49.8; reinstated December 9 -52.4mg, January 7 liquid taper of Wellbutrin done by compound pharmacist . Same amount as before. Link to post Share on other sites
getofflex Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 @ten0275I'm so touched and inspired by your story that I'm crying tears of relief. Thank you for sharing this! Jennifer Lexapro Started Apr 15 02 - 10 mg; Jan 19 20 0.2 mg; Apr 2 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13 Trazodone. used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, multivitamin, vit C, vit E, calcium suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 3 mg, calcium Link to post Share on other sites
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted January 11 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 11 @mva96 @manymoretodays @Mimi79@benesh @getofflex My sincere thanks for your kind words of congratulations and support. You know, it was actually really hard to write the success story for me. In some ways, despite feeling as well as I do, I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I was actually in the position do declare victory. I think a great majority of us go through that period of time where we are absolutely sure that there is something about our particular circumstances - drug histories, genetic make-ups, life situations, etc. that exclude us from healing. I know that was the case for me. I was pretty sure that having been medicated since I was a child, and on some drugs that aren't even prescribed anymore, that I was beyond healing. And of course in the middle of it all, when time seems to move so, so slowly... it truly seems an insurmountable and unending challenge. I was glad to be proven otherwise. 🙂 And I truly believe that healing is within everyone's grasp no matter what the medications, the genetics, or life has dealt upon you. So much respect, love, and gratitude to this community. ❤️ Hang in there, Dave 8 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to post Share on other sites
wantrelief Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 37 minutes ago, ten0275 said: And of course in the middle of it all, when time seems to move so, so slowly... it truly seems an insurmountable and unending challenge. I was glad to be proven otherwise. 🙂 And I truly believe that healing is within everyone's grasp no matter what the medications, the genetics, or life has dealt upon you. This is so beautiful and helpful, Dave. Thank you so much for everything you have written and for all of the support you have provided here. Congratulations on your recovery!! -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin -Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg. -Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin. -8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin -11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December. 12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months -7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months 8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg 2021: 1/3/20: 7.8 mg (1.27% drop) Link to post Share on other sites
arbor Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 I can't thank you enough, Dave, for the hope and compassion you share with us here. I've felt quite desperate recently, but support from others and now, reading your post really, really helps. All my best wishes to you. What strength it must've taken you. Zoloft: 1995 - 2015 Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on December 15, 2018 Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019 (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019 Enalapril: 2010 - 2019 Lipitor: 2017 -2017 Metformin: 2000 - 2020 Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019 Levothyroxine: 2000 - Link to post Share on other sites
ryan1982 Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 Dave, I know we don't know each other but I'm so dang proud of you. I'm currently struggling and in a bad wave and I sometimes think I can't do it. I really appreciate your story and testimony to keep me strong. 2005- 2008: Lorazepam (max dose- 1 MG daily) 2008- 2016: Lexapro (max dose-10 MG daily) January 2017- March 2017- Pristiq (max dose- 100 MG daily) April 2017- June 2017: Trintellix (max dose- 10 MG) July 2017- October 2017: Lexapro (max dose-10 MG daily) November 2017- April 2018- Luvox (max dose- 100 MG) May 2018- Zoloft (max dose- 18.75) 5/28/18- 3 MG Lexapro, 6/3/18- 3 MG Lexapro, 6/7/18- 3.5 MG Lexapro, 6/13/18- 4 MG Lexapro, 6/21/18- 4.5 MG Lexapro, 6/28/18- Present- 4 MG Lexapro "The Journey is The Reward" Link to post Share on other sites
Jay78 Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 Great news Dave! May you live long and prosper! Feb 2015 Invega 9mg tapered to zero over 6 month, Levomepromazine 25mg for 3 months Citalopram raised from 20mg to 80mg over 3 months, at 80mg for 1 year and 5 months Venlaxafine raised from 150mg to 450mg over 3 months (after citalopram) maintained for 1 year and 2 months. Two shots of haldol decanoas, Alprazolam from 0.5 to 7(!) mg due to the immense stress of the ads. Down to 2.5mg discontinued abruptly with almost no tapering within a week and a half, against all guidelines first the citalopram then the effexor. October 2017 Occtober 2017 - Dec 2017 Moclobemide raised from 200mg to 800mg during a month and half discontinued with no tapering. Jan 2017 Feb 2017Fluvoxamine and Venlaxafine 300mg and 450mg, abrupt start, no tapering in discontinuation. 30mg Mirtazapin at night. Close to two months off antidepressants but on benzos. 6 months on 2.5mg alprazolam, Diazepam 5mg for 1.5 months. Currently on 600mg peronten, 400mg seroquel xr, Risperdal Consta 50mg. Link to post Share on other sites
freespirit Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 Congratulations Dave! You've done an amazing job not just of coming off meds, but also, of documenting your journey in such a profound way. I remember reading your thread early on and finding so much inspiration from your writing and experiences. I'm so grateful for the support you've shown me while we travel this path together. I hope you are proud of what you've done--including the ways in which you've supported so many others. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium. What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted January 13 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 13 @wantrelief@arbor@ryan1982@Jay78@freespirit It means a lot that you stopped by, checked out the success story, and gave me some good wishes. If anything I've ever written on this site has helped, or will help, another going through the process, it is truly a gift to me. I'd never want to go through what I went through in withdrawal again. But I am stronger because I did survive it. I'm more certain of my own strength - as a human being. There were so many people that showed me compassion and care during my darkest days of struggling when I didn't think I was going to make it - and when I didn't even feel like I deserved the compassion and care extended to me. There were some times when I questioned... everything. What are the gifts we can give each other on a peer support site like this? We can give the gift of relaying our own unique stories so that others can find solace in a shared experience of suffering. We can give the gift of techniques that have worked for us in terms of lessening the suffering during the ups and downs of windows and waves. We can give the gift of sharing both our triumphs and missteps, so that others might utilize or avoid them. But honestly, in my opinion, the best gift we can ever give is hearing one another - of being present to listen to one another. Of validating the experiences that so much of the medical establishment and drug industry invalidate. Of bearing witness to our shared journeys. Of being peers - through the thick and the thin of it. I found these gifts here. Hang in there, Dave 1 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to post Share on other sites
Administrator Shep Posted January 13 Administrator Share Posted January 13 @ten0275Thank you for gracing the site with your success story. Your writing is always calming and your posts helpful to anyone struggling. On 1/11/2021 at 1:45 PM, ten0275 said: I was pretty sure that having been medicated since I was a child, and on some drugs that aren't even prescribed anymore, that I was beyond healing. And of course in the middle of it all, when time seems to move so, so slowly... it truly seems an insurmountable and unending challenge. I was glad to be proven otherwise. 🙂 This especially resonated and is something that needs to be messaged. Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines My Success Story: Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave" And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
HardTimes Posted January 13 Share Posted January 13 Hey Dave. Thanks for writing this. I just read your earlier "almost there" success story and found it moving and helpful. I'm kind of in that really crappy place you describe, but then again, maybe not as bad as what you went through. I can't believe how many people have it even worse than me, and yet I feel so very horrible! But I appreciate your points about the hospital - I'm kind of on the verge of checking myself into one, if I could find one to check in to, because I want to abdicate responsibility for all this. I'm so, so, so sick and tired of trying to figure it out an make the effort, I just want to check in somewhere and let someone else take charge. But I take your story as a warning not to do so, tempting as it might be. Thanks for staying in touch here and helping out people who aren't there yet. 15+ years Citalopram 10mg (sometimes 20?) 2019 Citalopram 5mg. No problem reduction. 2020 Citalopram 5mg to zero. (Feb) 2020 (Feb - mid Oct): Very rare use of 0.125 or .25mg Xanax for really bad nights 2020 (Feb - Nov): Occasional use of "Nytol" sleep aid (an antihistamine). 2020 Escitalopram by accident (not Citalopram). Failed reinstatement -- using a scale, started July 27 0.5mg, doubled every week or so to reach 5mg by Aug 30. Too fast - terrible depression, quit. 2020 (Oct-current): Supplements: -- Magnesium sometimes, Liquid Valerian/Passiflore/Escholtzia - French organic herbal sleep aid, as needed, 1.9mg Melatonin sometimes 2020 - new Citalopram reinstatement. (Accidentally started with Escitalopram before realizing and switching to Citalopram Oct. 30) -- using pipette method: Oct 30, 0.25mg; Nov. 4th, 0.375; Dec. 1st 0.5mg, Dec. 21st 0.75mg Jan 16 - Adding Omega 3 (483 EPA, 360 DHA +Vit E) Link to post Share on other sites
senseless Posted January 13 Share Posted January 13 Hi Dave, Congrats on your success and thankyou for sharing, it provides much needed hope for the community. I was wondering if you could detail the progression of your sleep? 6.01.20 - 6.02.20: Seroquel/Quetiapine 25mg 7.02.20 - 13.02.20: Attempted CT ran into extreme rebound insomnia 13.02.20 - 04.07.20: Reinstated and holding Seroquel/Quetiapine 13.5mg, 1mg Circadin Began Tapering of Seroquel 04.07.20 - Seroquel/Quetiapine 13mg 12.07.20 - Seroquel/Quetiapine 12.5mg 20.07.20 - Seroquel/Quetiapine 12mg 28.07.20 - Seroquel/Quetiapine 11.5mg 02.08.20 - Seroquel/Quetiapine 11.mg 06.08.20 - Seroquel/Quetiapine 10.5mg 10.08.20 - Seroquel/Quetiapine 10mg 15.08.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 9.5mg 18.08.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 9mg 23.08.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 8.527.08.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 8mg 31.08.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 7.75mg02.09.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 7.5mg 06.09.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 7.25mg 08.09.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 7mg12.09.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 6.75mg14.09.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 6.5mg 19.09.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 6.25mg 21.09.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 6mg 24.09.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 5.75mg 01.10.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 5.5mg 03.10.20 Seroquel/Quetiapine 5.25mg 05.10.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 5mg 09.10.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 4.75mg 12.10.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 4.5mg 14.10.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 4.25mg 17.10.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 4mg 21.10.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 3.75mg 24.10.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 3.5mg 1.11.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 3 mg 7.11.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 2.5 mgs 13.11.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 2 mg 16.11.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 1.5 mg 20.11.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 1.25mg 23.11.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 1mg 26.12.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 0.75mg 16.01.2020 Seroquel/Quetiapine 0.5mg Link to post Share on other sites
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted January 13 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 13 (edited) @Shep I'm truly grateful if my writing has a soothing effect. I know how important that is at all stages of the process. Thank you so much for the kind words, they mean a lot. @HardTimes I can very much appreciate what you are saying when you note that a driving force behind your urge to hospitalize is the abdication of responsibility. Well said. That is a lot of what it was for me. In my case, I was having such heavy-hitting intrusive thoughts of self and external harm, I just wanted to take my own power away because at that point, the fear caused me to not trust myself - at all. I wanted to give up whatever control I had left in the name of not having to own the suffering or the consequences of the suffering. It was the wrong choice for me to hospitalize once, let alone twice. It was completely fear-driven. I had to learn by getting burned in that case. It didn't sink me obviously, but it probably set me back a bit. I'm glad if what I wrote helped you to frame your own decision-making. It's nice to meet you, thanks for the good words. Hang in there, and keep up the good work. @senseless Thank you for the congratulations, I really do appreciate that. Sleep was a struggle for me very early, when the benzo and mirtazapine withdrawal were happening in destructive unison. I went through approximately 2 months where I was essentially netting zero hours of sleep. Basically my body would lose consciousness for about 10 to 20 minutes when it simply couldn't operate anymore and I'd snap (literally, an in-my-head audible snapping sound and muscle jerk) awake for another indeterminate time-frame. After those couple of months, the sleep started to come back... slowly. When I was around 7.5.mg on the Remeron, I'd sleep well during periods of stabilization. Every time I would cut, I'd lose that stabilization and have low-sleep and sometimes no-sleep nights. Now an interesting thing for me - and perhaps it is the result of my laboriously slow taper - is that once I got below 2mg, the cuts didn't really effect my sleep any more. And when I jumped, sleep was not an issue. I couldn't believe that. I had braced myself for a bad round of sleepless nights post-taper and it never came. All this to say that as my nervous system would gain some semblance of equilibrium between cuts, the sleep would even out. And in fact, better sleep was a sign to me that I had in fact stabilized. At this point, I still will have periods of poorer sleep if I am not careful with histamine intake. This is a leftover wound from the Mirtazapine and how it impacts the histamine receptors. But I try to be careful and usually that caution is rewarded with good results. If sleep starts falling off, I know I need to reign in the histamine again. I hope this helps. Hang in there, Dave Edited January 13 by ten0275 typo city 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to post Share on other sites
Sheera Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 Beautiful story ❤️ Started Lamictal and Brintellix in November 2015 May 2016 Discontinued Lamictal 100 to 50 and then stopped completely. October 20, 2016 discontinued Brintellex 10 to 5 then went from 5 to 0 on November 10, 2016. Currently off all antidepressants Current Supplements: L-Theanine, Natural Progesterone, L-Methylfolate, Vitamin D, Omega-3's, Probiotic Link to post Share on other sites
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted January 18 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 18 @Sheera I appreciate you taking the time to read my story, and check in. It means a lot. Hang in there, Dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to post Share on other sites
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