Ten0275: I'm Dave and if I am capable of healing, each of you are - Please hang in there.

[tsranga]

@ten0275  I didn't realize that you had tapered off mirtazapine.. I stopped at 3.75mg cold turkey. I hope the ANS settles down eventually.. 

[cathnz]

8 hours ago, ten0275 said:

@Erell

 

Thank you for the kind message, it's good to hear from you 🙂 Spring is lovely. So far, I've been doing ok with the histamine-related issues. Those symptoms ebb and flow across the season as the different pollen stages evolve I find, I'm hoping for an alright year with low-level symptoms.

Yes, you present a really good question on the way I tapered. I did start my mirtazapine taper while in benzo withdrawal and feeling unstable. After I jumped from the benzos after a fairly rapid taper, the intrusive thoughts began. Having no clue what those were and fearing I was somehow a threat to myself or others, I decided to check myself into a psychiatric hospital. I did this two times - once in June 2012, and once in early July 2012. The psychiatric hospitals really don't like you to leave the place without some drugs in your system. I had been on mirtazapine before, so I decided that'd be an ok one to go on again. It seemed a better option than the antipsychotics they were trying to give me.

Because I was having intrusive thoughts and the hospital did not recognize these as a withdrawal symptom - nor did they accept withdrawal as a thing in general - they gave me high doses of the mirtazapine. I had asked to start at 15mg as that was the highest dose I'd ever been on prior (and I'd mainly been on 7.5mg in the prior use). But they started me there at 15mg for a day or two and when I noted that the intrusive thoughts were still present, they then bumped me up to 30mg. See they were trying to treat "OCD" - and intrusive thoughts aren't "harm OCD" in the traditional sense - that is to say, they don't evolve or arise from the same cause. Being more prone to anxiety than depression, that 30mg of mirtazapine was just way too much for my nervous system to handle. It really overblew my nervous system. I did somewhat acclimate to that dose after a couple months, but I never truly "stabilized" on it and I blame a large number of the earlier and harder symptoms I had on being on too high a dose of the mirtazapine upon leaving the hospital.

At a certain point, despite not being stabilized completely from the benzo withdrawal nor the high dose of mirtazapine, I did decide to start cutting the mirtazapine. I wasn't completely reckless in tapering, but it wasn't 10% per month for sure. Things began to improve for me quite a bit when I got down below 15mg. Around the 12mg mark was pretty decent. 7.5mg was a nice zone as well. A lot of the symptoms like restless legs, intense agitation, etc. started to fall away below 7.5mg.

Below 7.5mg, I'd run into periodic episodes where withdrawal of mirtazapine would catch up to me. I was cutting too fast for sure. And that's when I started doing my research and slowing things down. And it was really when I crossed over to liquid mirtazapine - after cutting the pills became untenable due to the small doses - that I began that really slow and methodical taper and was a presence here on this site.

I hope this timeline is making some sense. I had kept journals along the way in withdrawal. Unfortunately my very best journal was on a flash-drive with no backup and that flash-drive got corrupted and I lost all the data on it back in 2016. So sometimes I feel a bit disjointed when I give my timeline. This is pretty darn close to it though. And I guess the main crux of my path off of mirtazapine was getting to a dose where with my anxiety the way it was, I could actually stabilize. And being that mirtazapine sedates more at the lower doses, that was below 15mg for me. Tapering - and symptoms - became much, MUCH more manageable after I crossed that threshold where mirtazapine was no longer acting like an antidepressant and was acting more like an anxiolytic.

I hope some of this helps. Hang in there. ☀️🌻☮️❤️

Dave

@ten0275... sorry to ask your more questions...

 

I see you tapered with a liquid compound... did you make that yourself or get a compounding pharmacy to do it? I don't have the pharmacy option so will need to do myself. But my tablets have a pink enteric coating so not sure if it's possible to do well. Also, I'm willing to only dip my feet in veeeery slowly cause my cns and aka is already so bad. Like in 1% increments. But when I look at the maths (which I suck at and am scared I'll screw up), that makes for some very specific amounts (getting more so as I go down)... is that even feasible, can syringes get that exact? i. e 30mg, 29.7mg,  29.403, 29.10897... I assume I just round each time. Is that safe? 

[ten0275]

@cathnz

 

I did taper with a liquid after a certain point - I did not make it myself. I had a compounding pharmacy make it for me. I understand you don't have one of those at your disposal. I found that having a 1mg = 1ml compound made was the best - it was the easiest in terms of figuring out doses. 7.3mg would be 7.3ml. Makes math easier for those of us who aren't awesome at math. If you are able to make your own 1mg = 1ml ratio, it'd probably be the preferable. I'm guessing there is someone more proficient on this than me who could advise.

 

My syringes got down to .01ml. I think those are commonly available. Some rounding will need to take place. I always rounded up to be on the side of caution. Then it is definitely safe. If you are rounding up, you won't short-change yourself or have to second guess if you went too big.

 

I hope you'll be able to find the relief you wish for. I know the task of all this seems insurmountable when you are still up on the higher doses. I know for me, that was a very claustrophobic feeling. Like I felt stuck, and scared to cut, and like the mission was impossible. But it wasn't and it's not.
    
Hang in there,

 

Dave

Edited April 26, 2021 by ten0275

[Erell]

As always, a big thank you for your generous and detailed answer ❤

 

And oh I'm so glad to read that so far you're not having as much issues as usual with Spring histamine.

Sounds like healing is still happening ☺

 

Take care dear survivor !

[SeekingAnswers]

On 2/10/2021 at 5:27 AM, ten0275 said:

This dude HAS moved on (ha ha ha), but isn't troubled at all by talking about what I went through with others who are still dealing with withdrawal and the aftermath.

@ten0275 I was just reading your success story. I'm so happy for you, and thank you so much for posting it.  My 29 year old son who has Asperger's was on Celexa from age 14 until 6 weeks ago. He tapered off under his doctor's instructions but I realize now that it was too fast. He is struggling a lot right now and it's so hard to see him going through these withdrawal symptoms, knowing there is very little I can do to help him. He has anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, and even ringing in one ear. He has a tendency to stay alone in his room a lot, so I've been encouraging him to spend more time with me in the family room, or going out for a drive. This seems to help him, as much as can be expected. We are watching a lot of nature shows which luckily distract him from his thoughts. He doesn't want to come onto this site, but I'm wondering what type of coping methods you used during your withdrawal symptoms and also how long did it take before you were not feeling really emotionally sad and anxious? Thank you for your insight.  

[ten0275]

@SeekingAnswers

Thanks for taking the time to read the success story and for the kind words, very much appreciated.

I'm sorry to hear about your 29 year old son's experience. It must be exceptionally hard to see him suffer as he is. He's really lucky to have your loving support as he heals. I want to say that I find it encouraging that he will join you for nature shows or rides. When I was in my most acute phase of withdrawal, I wasn't able to do anything like that. It would have all been far too much incoming stimuli for me to handle. I also like that you use the word "encouraging," because I think that is really an important aspect of being present for someone going through the process; encouraging them to engage without undue pressure.

Distraction is really key, especially for the intrusive thoughts and atypical spikes of anxiety. Most people I've talked to that have dealt with the intrusive thoughts in particular don't find much use in therapies like CBT because in withdrawal, we are dealing with iatrogenic damage vs. habitual behavioral patterns. But distraction, when it can be utilized, can be really beneficial. When I got to the point when I could handle the incoming information and focus, I started to read again, I started to write again, movies and TV that were topically agreeable became a thing, and music - lots of music. Does your son like music? I remember at a certain point in withdrawal, I'd put on a David Bowie record when my mind was taking off on me and just focusing on the lyrics and instrumentation would pull me out to a degree. Physical exercise became very important later as a way of shifting focus to direct physical experience, but that wouldn't have been possible early on. Continue to encourage him to pursue the distractions that spark interest and can help carry him down the path a ways. That's what all of my distractions were for me - they were like sherpas that helped me get down that path of healing in a way that seemed less pedestrian.

I'll be honest with you, it took a long time for the neuro-emotions of anxiety and depression to ease off. I was in acute withdrawal for about 4 months. After that, it really took me a couple years of gradual windows and waves style improvement for the neuro-emotions to lose their power over me. But it was steady improvement. I'm sure you've already read on the site that very true and important mantra that we are all different, and we all heal a bit differently. I would invite you, and your son, to watch for the moments of clarity vs. the broader picture of healing. When I got to a point where I could see that the past 8hrs might have been ridiculous, but this 15 minutes is relatively calm and clear, it helped me acknowledge that healing was a real possibility and that the shards of light were already finding their way through.

I hope your son's healing is expeditious and complete.

Hang in there,

Dave

[SeekingAnswers]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words @ten0275, I really appreciate you taking the time to share all of this with us. Yes, it is extremely hard to see him suffering. Since I didn't have intrusive thoughts when I went off Lexapro, I can't really know what they are like for him, except that they upset him a lot. He said they are images of disturbing things. I asked if they are violent images and he said no not violent, but just upsetting like things we see on the media. I guess he means the news on TV and the internet. He doesn't want to talk about them much because he doesn't want to think about them. He said the anxiety he is experiencing is because of being afraid of experiencing these intrusive thoughts. We are continuing to watch nature shows on TV most of the time and that is helping quite a bit. He rewinds a lot, and I think that might be due to the brain fog. Once we run out of the ones that have recorded on our DVR I will have to find more! Thank you for the suggestion of listening to music and doing some physical exercise. He is normally resistant to going on walks and things like that, but maybe he will give it chance now. I won't push it, I'll just gently encourage him to give it a try. I have read that endorphins can help. I'm so looking forward to seeing him happy again and enjoying life. There are windows when he is happy and laughing at things, so that's very encouraging. For now, it's one day at a time, and even one hour at time. Thank you again. 

[Kate2301]

Hi! I hope your still on here somewhere? 
Im 10 weeks off mirt after having that prescribed as a bridge from a CT sertraline WD. Shouldnt of been on any of them just suffered some anxiety after having a baby when the pandemic hit! And was given sertraline for 8 weeks and told to CT which obviously made me SO ill 4 months later was given mirt. Been stuck in a weird horrible brain situation ever since! 

I'm of all meds now but my main symptoms now are “just feeling weird not like myself, nervous inner feeling all the time” “constant thought about WD and feeling weird that I just can’t stop” some lack of appetite and generally feeling unlike myself like my brain won’t think like it used to?

can I ask if you felt like this and if so at what stage of recovery?

I feel SO much better then I did months ago but now I feel like I’m kind of stuck feeling like this? Can you help me with any reassurance? Thank you so much for reading my message 

[ten0275]

@Kate2301

I'm still out here somewhere. 🙂 Nice to meet you, I'm sorry you are dealing with psychiatric drug withdrawal. I popped out to your thread to read a bit about what you've been through. What an intense path you've been on. Congratulations on the birth of your child, and much respect for having gone through all that you have during these crazy pandemic times.

So you tapered off the Mirtazapine a lot faster than I did. In addition, you were actually on it a lot less time than I was as well. I can compare your feelings of "just feeling weird not like myself, nervous inner feeling all the time” “constant thought about WD and feeling weird that I just can’t stop" as being symptoms I felt when I would make a cut in dosage. Those would be withdrawal symptoms for me, so it would make sense that you are feeling what you are. Also, the lack of appetite is so absolutely classic Mirtazapine withdrawal. Because while on Mirtazapine, generally the appetite is robust.

I think it is a really good indication of progress that you are feeling better than you did months ago. I also read on your thread that you have windows and waves which in and of themselves are a reassuring pattern of occurrences. Not everyone has those as they heal, but when one does, they can be good guideposts.

 

It is not uncommon to feel like you are plateauing, that feeling of being stuck, especially when you have already felt improvement. Withdrawal can make time seem like it is lagging immensely and we always wonder "is this the new normal, am I done healing?" The actual speed of healing changes greatly over the course of the process. Patience is your best friend when it comes to this situation.

All in all though, you really sound like you are holding up as solid as anyone would considering what you've been through. Consider that strength! It's the same strength that'll get you through the rest of this process.

 

I hope this is reassuring.

Hang in there,

Dave

Edited September 17, 2021 by ten0275
opposable thumbs

[Kate2301]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me, I really do appreciate it.

can I just ask the following things and then I will try my best to leave you alone 😂

did you ever constantly think of your horrible WD situation and you just can’t think of much else? I find myself making the bed or cooking dinner or pushing my baby on a swing and instead of thinking of general life things I just think bout how I’m feeling and how long it’s been going on for and how my brain feels etc etc. Did you ever feel like this? I guess I can think more about other stuff now then I could a few months back but it still plagues me!

my other question is, do you feel healed, like back to your old self?

I just want to do general old hinge like laying in a bath listening to music, cooking dinner with a glass of wine and chatting to friends, are these things eventually doable?

thank you again I really do appreciate your kind words 

[ten0275]

@Kate2301

You're welcome.

Absolutely, the mental and physical symptoms of psychiatric drug withdrawal present stiff competition to thoughts of general life things like doing household chores or even spending time with babies. Anything you can do to shift your mind back to those general life situations will be beneficial. It's hard to do that, I totally know, but it's something that can be cultivated

That question of the "old self" is something I get asked a lot. A LOT. I would say yes and no. There are components of myself that withdrawal changed. I mean when a human suffers the way many of us do in withdrawal, how can that not lend itself to a shift in perspective, personality, and sometimes even priorities. I would say physically, I'm in as good or better shape as I was prior. I can handle way more emotional and physical stress than I could before withdrawal. I still deal with some lingering histamine issues that ebb and flow. But I feel like a stronger, in some ways, and certainly more introspective version of my old self. Life is a beautiful kind of different after withdrawal, even in these very weird times we live.

And the general "old hinge" you mention (really do love the British way of saying some things), I think you'll find much of that will come back for you. For me, old hinge was exercise, music, writing, and doing well with the job. That all had to stop in withdrawal. That is all part of my life again and better than ever.

Try to stay in the moment as you can, cherish the things that are going well, and stay hopeful for the healing that is to come. 🙂

Hang in there,

 

Dave

Edited September 17, 2021 by ten0275

[Kate2301]

Thank you so much, you’ll never know how your words have helped me and gave me strength!! Il keep going, I truly hope I find myself soon 

[AdviceNeeded]

Ten0275 is a real good guy. His words and experience bring hope and comfort to a lot of people. Myself included.

[slowphie]

wow, this is an incredible story. The mix of benzos and Mirtazapine gives me hope in my situation. Lately I’ve had the nagging feeling that I’m doomed for life now. It sucks. 
 

Thanks so much for sharing this and I wish you good health this year, and hoping 2022 is the year your histamine receptors fully bounce back.  

[ten0275]

1 hour ago, slowphie said:

wow, this is an incredible story. The mix of benzos and Mirtazapine gives me hope in my situation. Lately I’ve had the nagging feeling that I’m doomed for life now. It sucks. 
 

Thanks so much for sharing this and I wish you good health this year, and hoping 2022 is the year your histamine receptors fully bounce back.  

@slowphie, hello.

 

Thank you for the kind words and I'm so happy that you find hope in my experience. That "doomed for life" feeling is truly a bummer. And I had it for a long, long time. When you're in the middle of the withdrawal process, it's like being in a labyrinth; you're kind of sure there is a way out, but a lot of times it feels like you're just running in circles, hitting the same obstacles and dead-ends over and over. After withdrawal, you'll be able to look back on that same labyrinth, but from an aerial-type view. You'll see that it was within you to heal all along.

 

The histamine issues have greatly resolved. Now nearly 3 years off of Mirtazapine and all psychiatric medications, I find very few echoes of the withdrawal experience I went through. Sometimes I even forget momentarily that I suffered so greatly. Oddly though, I don't want to forget because I don't want to ever take life or experience for granted the way I did before withdrawal.

 

I really appreciate those good wishes!

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

[slowphie]

@ten0275Hey Dave, 

 

I wasn’t expecting a response. It’s so nice of you to hang around here after so long, and give people like me hope and words of wisdom. I really try to absorb this mentality, while things are still fairly crappy, so I’m not adding fuel to an already raging fire. 🥲

 

It must feel so amazing to be almost three years off all these drugs, especially after such a long history. I’m so looking forward to the day I can say the same, though I know this is still a while away for me - despite fairly short use thus far. 😞 

 

I wanted to ask btw, if you don’t mind, did you feel like you were still healing from the benzos during the first years of your Mirtazapine taper? There is so much conflicting info out there. Some people pressure me to get off Mirt “asap” because apparently I can’t heal while I’m still on it. Other people tell me to hold until the benzo damage feels like it has resolved… but that doesn’t feel right for me either. So far, I’m glad I’ve started slowly tapering, but all the conflicting info makes me nervous sometimes.

Edited March 4, 2022 by slowphie
Edited out the cuss word :p

[ten0275]

@slowphie, hello.

 

Hang in there and keep up the good work; I know it seems like a long road.

In regards to your question, there are differing opinions on this as you noted. I rapidly tapered the benzodiazapines (Ativan and Xanax) in the Spring of 2012 when I'd hit a point of tolerance. My doctors tried several dose increases to "stabilize" me and I never reached stabilization. For me, benzodiazpine withdrawal was the true disaster. I feel that Mirtazapine helped facilitate sleep and appetite at a time when benzodiazapine withdrawal was depleting both of those things. I did not taper the Mirtazapine for a long while. During the time I was on the Mirtazapine, but off of the benzodiazapines, my intrusive thoughts faded and finally stopped, my appetite slowly came back, my sleep slowly came back, my nervous system stabilized from the benzo discontinuation. Of course tapering the Mirtazapine was little fun, but I took a long (7 year) gradual approach to doing that once the heavier symptoms of benzo withdrawal had dissipated.

Obviously I would never in a million years advise anyone to start any psychiatric medication. Ever. Like under any circumstance. But I was already polydrugged and I do personally feel that for me, the lower dose of Mirtazapine acted, at least to some degree, as an anxiolytic and that the healing of my GABA system continued to heal prior to my long slow taper off of the Mirtazapine.

I hope that is helpful. I wish there was a one-size-fits-all model when it came to this stuff, but I believe we get into the predicaments we do because we truly are all different and these chemicals, and their withdrawal, vary widely.

Dave

[tsranga]

On 4/26/2021 at 9:11 AM, tsranga said:

@ten0275  I didn't realize that you had tapered off mirtazapine.. I stopped at 3.75mg cold turkey. I hope the ANS settles down eventually.. 

@ten0275 hope you are doing well. 

 

After a night of being awake dealing with gas, I saw your update and thought I would check in to see how you are doing and also ask about your histamine overload symptoms.

 

It appears that I may have hit my histamine threshold this week after almost two months.

 

Last week, I had a couple of glasses of wine, some gluten, and also the emotional stress of my spouse traveling, along with rapid weather changes - dropped from 80s to 30s to 70s to 50s.

 

I was still getting sleep ( which has been the biggest improvement since I got covid in December). 

 

It appears my histamine symptoms typically starts with a tired/wired/awake feeling, a very quiet gut with bloat, and culminates in a nightime dump of multiple BMs, gas, high BP, chills.

 

Was that your typical for you?

 

Acupuncture since October seems to be really helping with the temperature tolerance/sensitivity and calming the fight/flight response.

 

I am still experiencing daily symptoms but the body seems to be stronger and recover quickly. 

 

Hopefully this week will not be a major setback. I just heard from a fellow withdrawal friend that he is in a flare following some bioresonance therapy..

 

 

 

[slowphie]

@ten0275Thanks so much for sharing all of that Dave. Really appreciate it. 

 

 

[Warrior]

Hi Dave! I used mirtazapine for 5 months and it's been 8 months since I stopped completely, but I still have a lot of negative symptoms. I read your story and I have a question. After your total withdrawal (0 mg), are you completely healed, or is there still some leftover from use, something that stayed with you after use? Congratulations on your story!!

[clingingtoFaith]

Crying now. I am still 2 months off all brain drugs. Deathly terrified of withdrawals. Terrified that I won't be able to endure and I'll go back to meds. 

 

I wish I did a taper. I did not know that I was put on poison. 2 ADs and a benzo. I just knew that I was getting worse and worse. I dropped my doc, couldn't find a replacement doc and was very low on money. Cold turkey. I don't think any doc in my country knew how to handle my polydrugged case tho. I'd probably be polydrugged some more. 

 

 

[ten0275]

I recently did an interview at a radio station about my withdrawal experience if anyone is interested. Trigger warning as I talk about intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation. But my hope is something in it is helpful for someone, and that you hang onto your hope.

 

https://archive.org/details/buttahmilk_20240109

 

Hang in there.

 

Dave

[catmama]

On 1/10/2021 at 7:36 AM, ten0275 said:

Your suffering is heard, and someone ultimately cares about you.

 

Reading this with tears in my eyes. Thank you for your encouraging words Dave, and congrats on your success!

This WD journey is so isolating. The vast majority of people simply just don't understand the suffering, many don't care to, and some (like psychiatrists) vehemently deny the existence of it. 

I appreciate everyone on this site. It's a safe space I can turn to where I know someone does, in fact, care. 

[modelarz71]

23 hours ago, catmama said:

 

Czytam to ze łzami w oczach. Dziękuję Dave za słowa otuchy i gratuluję sukcesu!

Ta podróż WD jest bardzo izolująca. Zdecydowana większość ludzi po prostu nie rozumie cierpienia, wielu nie przejmuje się tym, a niektórzy (jak psychiatrzy) stanowczo zaprzeczają jego istnieniu. 

Doceniam wszystkich na tej stronie. To bezpieczna przestrzeń, do której mogę się zwrócić i wiem , że komuś naprawdę na tym zależy. 

Hi. I also have WD from escitalopram and for the past month I have gone from 0.20 mg to 0mg and it is worse not better.
I think if it is true that psychiatrists don't believe in WD.
I guess they believe because they see the problems of many people  but for their profit every day they prescribe it to new patients It's unethical.
The second thing : why doctors who used these drugs on themselves and experienced WD do not make an alarm in the medical world. Is there not enough of them?When it stops?Someone here wrote that maybe there will be genetic testing of who will experience WD whether this is the future. this is probably more important than flying into space
 

[peaceandlove]

On 1/10/2024 at 2:36 PM, ten0275 said:

I recently did an interview at a radio station about my withdrawal experience if anyone is interested. Trigger warning as I talk about intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation. But my hope is something in it is helpful for someone, and that you hang onto your hope.

 

https://archive.org/details/buttahmilk_20240109

 

Hang in there.

 

Dave

I did not listen to it as I do not want to get triggered because I am going through the same thing. I have intrusive thoughts, extreme fear & anxiety etc it seems like mental akathesia for me. I’m scared it will never go away. Did you have akathisia at all? @ten0275

[arbor]

Thank you @ten0275--This is such an excellent interview.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I'm glad you're past the horror of w/d.  And thank you for all that you've done here.

Arbor

[ten0275]

14 hours ago, peaceandlove said:

I did not listen to it as I do not want to get triggered because I am going through the same thing. I have intrusive thoughts, extreme fear & anxiety etc it seems like mental akathesia for me. I’m scared it will never go away. Did you have akathisia at all? @ten0275

@peaceandlove Mental akathesia is a great way to describe it. And in fact I do talk a bit about that feeling in the interview. It will go away. If it came with withdrawal, it will leave with withdrawal's healing. I had intrusive thoughts 24/7 for months on end before it started to get better and I truly felt that even if the thoughts (and feelings) did go away, I'd have PTSD and be scarred for life from the experience. They did go away and I'm not scarred at all. It almost seems like a weird dream at this point that I even went through withdrawal. Hang in there.

 

Dave

[ten0275]

13 hours ago, arbor said:

Thank you @ten0275--This is such an excellent interview.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I'm glad you're past the horror of w/d.  And thank you for all that you've done here.

Arbor

@arbor Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to it, and for your kind words. That means a ton. It was without question the most horrific thing I've experienced in my life to date. And if anyone can be helped by hearing about how bad off I was at that time, and how weird and long my drug history was, and how I went from all of that to the healed state I am in today, then I feel something of true benefit, beyond my own survival, came from the experience.

 

Dave

[N2deep]

Really great interview, man. Glad you made it out.

[ten0275]

2 hours ago, N2deep said:

Really great interview, man. Glad you made it out.

@N2deep thanks so much for listening, I really appreciate the good words.

 

Dave

[peaceandlove]

14 hours ago, ten0275 said:

@peaceandlove Mental akathesia is a great way to describe it. And in fact I do talk a bit about that feeling in the interview. It will go away. If it came with withdrawal, it will leave with withdrawal's healing. I had intrusive thoughts 24/7 for months on end before it started to get better and I truly felt that even if the thoughts (and feelings) did go away, I'd have PTSD and be scarred for life from the experience. They did go away and I'm not scarred at all. It almost seems like a weird dream at this point that I even went through withdrawal. Hang in there.

 

Dave

Thank you so much for the encouragement. & Thank you for staying around to help others and telling your story on the podcast, very brave of you. I’m happy to hear your feeling better now 🙂

[ten0275]

8 hours ago, peaceandlove said:

Thank you so much for the encouragement. & Thank you for staying around to help others and telling your story on the podcast, very brave of you. I’m happy to hear your feeling better now 🙂

Thank you @peaceandlove and you're welcome  

 

Hang in there,

Dave

[benesh]

@ten0275

Huge gratitude to you Dave.

I have been in a 4 and 1/2 year roller coaster. Some lovely windows but MANY waves. 
Mornings are by far from the pit of hell. The good news, is I finally have a team of professionals from other countries who are knowledgeable in tapering. I must say the mornings remain horrific when in a wave. I feel possessed and moan like a wild animal. I am repeating myself here because the start of the day in this state is plain old exhausting.

Any tips? I do wim hof breathing. Read scripture but the moaning and crying seem other worldly.

I don’t go on this site very often since I do my best to keep moving outside. I am very isolated not feeling comfortable in every day conversation.So I go on walks with my dog, hubby and sister. Head to Starbucks or doggy training classes. Small life but trying to accept.

rRambling but just wanted to say thank you for your words of hope.

Desperate for that.🙏❤️

[Ryder]

On 1/11/2021 at 2:36 AM, ten0275 said:

In December of 2014, just a bit more than 6 years ago, I came to this site after already weathering two years of nearly life-terminating withdrawal. I'd been on psychotropic medications for most of my life and in my estimation, my nervous system had decided it'd had enough. From February 2012 to approximately March of 2014, I felt I was literally living in hell. I was hospitalized twice, lost long-running friendships and new career opportunities, tried a plethora of medications, supplements, and herbs in an attempt to "fix" withdrawal, and ultimately came to the realization that pharmaceutical medications would not be the answer to my suffering. Pharmaceutical medications had been the cause of my suffering. And what my brain and body needed was support, tenderness, forgiveness, care and time... TIME... to heal.

 

Honestly, I feel I could just copy and paste this story as my own. Including the parts about using a lot supplements (Gluten diet included), and herbs in an attempt to fix withdrawal. 

 

Thanks for taking the time to write your story and sharing it. 

[ten0275]

15 hours ago, benesh said:

@ten0275

Huge gratitude to you Dave.

I have been in a 4 and 1/2 year roller coaster. Some lovely windows but MANY waves. 
Mornings are by far from the pit of hell. The good news, is I finally have a team of professionals from other countries who are knowledgeable in tapering. I must say the mornings remain horrific when in a wave. I feel possessed and moan like a wild animal. I am repeating myself here because the start of the day in this state is plain old exhausting.

Any tips? I do wim hof breathing. Read scripture but the moaning and crying seem other worldly.

I don’t go on this site very often since I do my best to keep moving outside. I am very isolated not feeling comfortable in every day conversation.So I go on walks with my dog, hubby and sister. Head to Starbucks or doggy training classes. Small life but trying to accept.

rRambling but just wanted to say thank you for your words of hope.

Desperate for that.🙏❤️

@benesh Honoring you for a 4.5 year journey through the ferocity we unfortunately come to know as withdrawal. I'm glad you have had some windows. The fact that you have those are a clear sign of healing. And the fact that you are living life as you are - even if it feels like "small life" - is really incredible.

 

The mornings were so hard for me too.. I always attributed this to the collision between our withdrawal-sensitized nervous systems and the cortisol cycle. I found that prompting myself to wake up quite early - setting a really early alarm - in the morning helped me. I found that if I was awake before that petrol of cortisol was dumped on my nervous system, it made it more tolerable - lowered the symptoms - softened the shock of it. My main symptoms in the morning prior to that were waking crying for hours and ultimately vomiting.

 

Anyway, thank you for the kind words and truly, keep hanging in there and doing what you are because it's really admirable - and ultimately will prove successful.

 

Dave

[ten0275]

5 hours ago, Ryder said:

 

Honestly, I feel I could just copy and paste this story as my own. Including the parts about using a lot supplements (Gluten diet included), and herbs in an attempt to fix withdrawal. 

 

Thanks for taking the time to write your story and sharing it. 

I appreciate the good words @Ryder And I was glad you could relate to my journey in that way. It's so important to have that. When I first went into withdrawal, I didn't know it was "a thing." Like I didn't know it was a shared experience. It helped me to know others experienced what I did, suffered what I did, and also moved on with their lives in the aftermath.

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave