Crochet: Lexapro withdrawal - 5mg CT

[Crochet]

Hello! 

 

Here is my story:

 

• Started taking Lexapro in 2012 and it really helped me to function in life during a stressful time.
• Decided to go off Lexapro in 2017.  It was a fast taper, and I ultimately ended up staying at 5mg.  Acute withdrawal symptoms were brain zaps, agitation, anxiety but they subsided after the first month, and over the course of the next 6-8 months, I slept a lot.  I planned to ultimately finish the withdrawal process in the future.
• October 2020, I started putting a withdrawal plan together.  Instead, I ended up going CT on Nov. 1 when I had a dental surgery and infection.  This was an impulsive decision and a poor one.  I thought that I just needed to get through the first month and then I would be okay.
• November 25, 2020, I got vertigo out of the blue and fainted/threw up.  I thought this might have something to do with the withdrawal, so I kind of freaked out and took 2.5mgs of Lexapro.  This knocked me out for 24-48 hours (headache/body aches/dizziness) and I stayed in bed.
• Everything checked out okay with the Doctor and when I asked if this was related to the Lexapro withdrawal, she said no, told me to throw away the pills.  I received a diagnosis of Benign Positional Vertigo and was given a maneuver to do.
• The dizziness cleared up, it lasted 2-3 weeks
• Late December, work was stressful.  I didn't eat really well and ended up with hives.  I was taking Benadryl on and off.  I took Allegra one day.  There was one night the last week of the year where I didn't sleep at all and this was strange for me.  Work stress seemed to be getting to me, but I pushed through.
• January 4, I started what was to be a month long meditation retreat at home, but something went wrong.  I wasn't sleeping well, I was pushing myself, I had a lot of fear and resistance.  I was crying uncontrollably.  I was spinning out.  By the end of the week, I decided to stop the retreat and now I'm in a very strange place.  I'm super alert, anxious, fearful, tightness in my chest and I am not sleeping for more than 30 minutes at a time.  I can't seem to calm down and I am not functioning well.  I can't even imagine going back to work like this.
• Have an appointment with my Dr. tomorrow, and will try to possibly see a psychiatrist.

 

My question - at just over 2 months out, do I try to reinstate at a very low dose of Lexapro, or should I try the sister drug Celexa (I think that is it)?

 

I'm worried about how to present to my Doctor.  I am trying to make the best of this, but am really very scared.

 

Thank you for your time,

 

Crochet

Edited January 12, 2021 by manymoretodays

[Crochet]

Update --

 

I'm back on Lexapro at 2.5 mgs and I am tolerating it well.  It provided relief of the worst symptoms within an hour.  I know it will take a while to settle and stabilize.  My Dr. wants me to eventually go back up to 5, but only if it feels right.

 

I thought the withdrawal process would last a month and then my body would start healing itself, with minor bumps along the way.  That didn't match reality.  Here are the stages of symptoms:

• Brain zaps/lack of concentration/ sleep
• Vertigo/nausea
• Hives/heightened stress response
• Mental breakdown - Extreme anxiety/tightness in chest/restless legs/fractured, intrusive thoughts/inability to sleep/fight or flight/poor appetite/hopelessness

Thank you for all the information here, it's been really helpful.  If/when I am ready to go off this medication, I will follow the taper instructions to a T, will make sure to build a strong support system and prepare much more carefully.

 

Take care and much love,

Crochet

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Crochet

 

Good for you, reinstating 2.5mg. Thanks for reading our material about reinstatement. If 2.5mg works, it works. If I were you, I'd stay at this level for at least a few months before going off by tiny amounts.

 

You had classic withdrawal symptoms. Yes, they can last a lot longer than a few weeks. Please let us know how you're doing.

[Crochet]

Hi there,

 

I wish I could report better news now that a month has passed, but it's been very difficult.

 

After reinstating Lexapro at 2.5, everything cleared within an hour.  I was no longer in that horrible 'state.'  I felt normal, shaken, but normal.  I slept a full night, on my own.  I felt normal the next day, and then the anxiety started creeping back and I was put back into that 'state.'  Then on the  January 17th, things cleared again and I felt back to normal and I slept on my own.  The next morning, the anxiety crept back and then I was in the state again.  I haven't been fully clear since then, although I have had a number of afternoon/evening windows where my thinking is more normal, or the chest tightness is gone, or my mood is more positive.  I believe I am better after reinstating than I was before, but I'm far from okay.

 

I've made several mistakes:

 

-I went from 2.5 to 5 to 10mg over the course of two weeks and I'm probably at too high of a level.

-I took Ativan for sleep

-I tried Mirtazipine for sleep and had a bad reaction.  I passed out on the way back from the bathroom in the night and woke up on the floor.

-I'm taking hydroxizine for sleep

 

I've updated my signature block.  My plan right now is to slowly cut back on Hyrdroxizine.  Then eventually cut back on Lexapro, but not yet.

 

This state that I'm in is hard to describe and I think it's probably akathisia.  I can't access any positive feelings or emotions, like love, or compassion, or joy.  I can't just be, meditation is almost impossible.  My thoughts are different and move different.  It just feels so painful, all the time.  I didn't know it was possible to feel this bad.  I cry every day and want to escape, but I can't escape.  I spent 2-4 hours everyday in January outside moving - hiking, running, walking, cross country skiing.  I can't sit still at home or in bed, constantly shifting position.  Although I get tired at night, when I try to go to sleep my body wakes me up with a jolt or muscle spasm.  I do eventually get some sleep around the 4 o'clock hour.  I sleep anywhere from 2-5 hours.  Some nights there is no sleep.  It's strange, when I dream, I'm my normal self and can experience positive emotions.

 

Somehow I worked for two weeks (from home) and made it through each day.  Some days were better than others.  I called off this week and have spent most of the time in bed, although not sleeping.

 

If there is anything that jumps out at you, please let me know.  I'm grateful that I can share with you.

 

Take care,

Crochet

[Yesyes123]

Hey @Crochet so how long exactly has it been since you reinstated 2.5mg Lexapro?

[Crochet]

Hi Yesyes, thank you for reaching out.  I've been following you this past week and I care so much for you.  It's been 5 weeks since I reinstated.  I started at 2.5, then went to 5 after a week, then to 10 after another week.

[Yesyes123]

Hey, thanks! It took me about 3-4 months into reinstatement to feel better. Maybe if you hold at your current dosage it will improve a lot soon. I'll be back here later. If you have any questions shoot them and I'm here for you! Peace

[Crochet]

Talked to the psychiatric nurse today.  She is concerned about the sleep jerks and some other physical symptoms, like hands and feet feeling weird, head buzzing, dizziness, spine tingling, etc.  She wants me to stop taking the Lexapro right away.  Then start on Lamictal 25mg.  And to take the Hydroxizine every 6 hours throughout the day rather than just at night.

 

I've been reading the thread on Lamictal for discontinuation syndrome and it sounds like it is best to start at a very lose dose, below 2mg.  Which is interesting, because the nurse was insistent that I take the exact dose, no less.

 

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  I've made so many errors.

 

Take care,

Crochet

 

 

[Yesyes123]

I would strongly recommend you NOT to take lamotrigine.

 

Please read: 

 

 

One of the comments:

 

 

[Yesyes123]

I was also prescribed Lamictal. REFUSED IT.

[manymoretodays]

2 hours ago, Crochet said:

Talked to the psychiatric nurse today.  She is concerned about the sleep jerks and some other physical symptoms, like hands and feet feeling weird, head buzzing, dizziness, spine tingling, etc.  She wants me to stop taking the Lexapro right away.  Then start on Lamictal 25mg.  And to take the Hydroxizine every 6 hours throughout the day rather than just at night.

 

I've been reading the thread on Lamictal for discontinuation syndrome and it sounds like it is best to start at a very lose dose, below 2mg.  Which is interesting, because the nurse was insistent that I take the exact dose, no less.

 

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  I've made so many errors.

 

Take care,

Crochet

 

 

 

Hi Crochet, and welcome aboard,

Hey, when most of us arrive, we have made so many errors too.

 

Listen Crochet,  no doubt that your psychiatric nurse practitioner is a medication, medical provider.  And it doesn't sound like they are very well versed in WD(withdrawal) or tapering.  Which is kind of sad, really, as meantime they prescribe. 

 

And so here are some informational links for you, which you are welcome to share, providing your provider is open to learning more.

CT is rough.  We don't recommend it.  But how were you to know that?

Exactly what are you taking now?  Drug(s) by name, dose, and when do you take them?

Do include the Ativan as well.

On 1/14/2021 at 11:09 PM, Altostrata said:

Welcome, @Crochet

 

Good for you, reinstating 2.5mg. Thanks for reading our material about reinstatement. If 2.5mg works, it works. If I were you, I'd stay at this level for at least a few months before going off by tiny amounts.

 

You had classic withdrawal symptoms. Yes, they can last a lot longer than a few weeks. Please let us know how you're doing.

 

And then, okay I see you had done that, and done well initially, or had stated that.  And then:

2012 - Lexapro 10mg
2017 - Lexapro 5mg (fast taper but stabilized)
11/1/20 - Stopped Lexapro cold turkey

1/13/21 - Reinstated Lexapro 2.5

1/20/21 - Upped to Lexapro 5

1/26/21 - Upped to Lexapro 10

2/11-21 - 2/14/21 - Lexapro , lowered dose to 7.5, not good

2/15/21 - present - Lexapro 10

Ativan .5:  1/16/21,  1/18/21 - 1/24/21, 1/27/21, 1/29/21, 1/31/21-2/1/21, 2/4/21

2/5/21 - Mirtazipine 7.5

2/7/21 - present - Hydroxizine 50 x2 per night

 

I copied your signature above.  And then see up, up, and away, additions too. 

 

*About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

were you able to read this through at all?  We like to stick with low reinstatements, low dosage.  Not, back to your usual dosage.  Also not back on another medication, if wanting to get drug free, or to the lowest dose possible. 

Are you wanting to taper and get drug free one day?

 

I no longer believe in therapeutic dosages of any of this stuff.  I think those were set by pharmaceutical companies, and based on.......not much really.  Minimal studies.  It's pretty crazy.  Have you ever read Robert Whitaker's Anatomy of an Epidemic?

That was what enlightened me, or one the things that did, before I really began to get well again.  I got sicker and sicker, by golly......with standard psychiatric treatment for normal life stressors.  Doing much better now though.  I never did get much help from my prescriber/psychiatrist once I saw the light.

 

 

And it also sounds like your provider/prescriber may not really understand at all, how to de-prescribe.  And I so hope they might be open to learning, or wanting to be able to help some of their patients with that. 

Anyway, let us know how that goes ^.

 

*What is withdrawal syndrome.

Brain Remodelling

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made.  The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.

 

*The windows and waves pattern of stabilization

 

*Dr.Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list.

And so you'll see that may of your current symptoms are related to WD.  Typical ones of WD.  Many that we commonly see here.

 

The 10% taper recommendation is a harm reduction approach to going off psychiatric drugs.

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Tips for tapering off Lexapro

 

I'm a bit concerned, as you may be just getting into some polypharmacy, with a provider/prescriber, while also pretty darn sensitized.

Are you still taking the mirtazapine?

 

And could you plug your current medications/drug(s) into the interaction checker:  Drugs.com- Interactions

And then link us to those results, or copy and paste into a reply here.

 

We really do promote using a lot of non-drug coping here too, once you've gone into WD symptoms.  So for now, I'll just direct you to one of the sub-forums here.

Symptoms and Self Care.  Especially the top pinned topics may come in handy.

 

If you can hold on, I think that may be your best option now, without adding further drugs to the current mix.

And see if you can answer some of my questions too.  Then let us know what you'd like to do, going forward too.  As well as how you are doing.

 

Welcome aboard again, This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here regarding your particular case, and just keep a record of your journey.  As well as communicate with staff and members here too.

 

And best,  Love, peace, healing, and growth,

moderator manymoretodays(mmt)

Edited February 19, 2021 by manymoretodays
spelling, grammar

[Crochet]

Hi ManyMoreTodays,

 

Nice to meet you and thank you for taking the time to talk to me.  Here are the answers to your questions.  I will read through the links that you sent and try to come up with a plan.  

 

CT is rough.  We don't recommend it.  But how were you to know that?

• If I would have investigated even a little further, I would have seen that thousands of people are suffering due to antidepressant withdrawal.  I feel like I should have known and been more careful with my life.

Exactly what are you taking now?  Drug(s) by name, dose, and when do you take them?

• Lexapro 10mg - 8am daily
• Hydroxizine 50mg - once or twice at night, 7pm and/or 1am
• Interactions between the two are pasted at the bottom of the email

Do include the Ativan as well.

• No Ativan right now.  Last Ativan (.5) was Feb. 4, 7pm.

Were you able to read this through at all?  We like to stick with low reinstatements, low dosage.  Not, back to your usual dosage.  Also not back on another medication, if wanting to get drug free, or to the lowest dose possible. 

Are you wanting to taper and get drug free one day?

• I did read through the reinstatement information, and unfortunately, out of fear, I decided to go up to 10mg.  It sounds like I will need to taper down to get to a better level of the drug, which could take a while.
• Long term, I would like to be drug-free, but short-term, I would like for some of the worst symptoms to go away.

Are you still taking the mirtazapine?

• No, I took that one night only.  I passed out in the middle of the night while coming back from the bathroom.

Working with prescriber

• I don't think my prescriber is open to learning, and I've already made two mistakes while working with her--upping the Lexapro dose to 10mg and taking Mirtazipine.

 

 

Drug Interactions:

Using escitalopram together with hydrOXYzine can increase the risk of an irregular heart rhythm that may be serious and potentially life-threatening, although it is a relatively rare side effect. You may be more susceptible if you have a heart condition called congenital long QT syndrome, other cardiac diseases, conduction abnormalities, or electrolyte disturbances (for example, magnesium or potassium loss due to severe or prolonged diarrhea or vomiting). Talk to your doctor if you have any questions or concerns. Your doctor may already be aware of the risks, but has determined that this is the best course of treatment for you and has taken appropriate precautions and is monitoring you closely for any potential complications. You should seek immediate medical attention if you develop sudden dizziness, lightheadedness, fainting, shortness of breath, or heart palpitations during treatment with these medications, whether together or alone. It is important to tell your doctor about all other medications you use, including vitamins and herbs. Do not stop using any medications without first talking to your doctor.

 

Much love,

Crochet

 

 

[Crochet]

I've only told three people in my life what has been going on.  And so as not to scare them, I just keep telling them that I'm improving and fake it when I talk to them.  I haven't wanted the darkness within me to disturb anyone else.

 

But, I've decided I can't do this alone anymore. 

 

I talked to my father at length and came clean to him.  I've decided to make plans to go live with him for a while, although I'm not sure how to get there yet, with covid and being across the country.

 

This feels like a big step for me and I feel supported.

 

 

[Yesyes123]

That's beautiful, Crochet. Did your dad get a good grasp on the situation?

[Crochet]

Hello, Yesyes -  I don't think my dad fully understands what is going on and I'm scared to hurt him, but I am going to hope that my condition doesn't damage him too much.

 

I'd like to take a moment to catalog my life before I decided to take Lexapro and my life before stopping Lexapro.

 

In 2012, I was living with my boyfriend in CO.  I'd been with my company for 8 years.  Life stressors had been getting to me - relationship, family, work, going off the birth control pill after having been on it for many years.  My therapist and a couple's counselor both suggested that I consider antidepressants.  I was always against medication, but the one therapist turned me around by saying, "You have family members that are self-medicating with alcohol, perhaps there is a chemical imbalance in your family."  I went to my Primary Care Doctor and started on Zoloft.  It made me happy and even, but too happy and too even.  Things that should have bothered me, didn't, like a 4 hour flight delay, "oh well, I guess I'll just read" and I didn't cry.  I'm a crier and had been all my life.  It was also hard to study.  After some time, I can't remember if it was six weeks or six months, I went off the medication.  Then I tried Wellbutrin, this was around Christmas time and I remember feeling dark and disconnected.  I went off of that within a week or two.  After that, I went to a doctor that tests and prescribes for hormonal imbalances.  We used a compounding pharmacy and the cream ended up giving me my period every two weeks, so that didn't work it.  Then in February 2012, I found out my mother was sick with cancer and had 6 months to live.  I panicked and was fearful that I would be able to show up for my family this time.  I called my Doctor in tears and told her to put me on Lexapro, because I heard it was the best.

 

Fast forward to 2017, and with the support of my therapist, doctor, family and friends and an acupuncturist, I decided to go off Lexapro.  I went from 10mg down to 7.5 for 2 weeks, down to 5 for 2 weeks, then down to 2.5 for a bit.  But decided it was enough and that I would stop there.  The brain zaps were very distracting and tiring.  So I'd been on 5mg since then.

 

Now to more recent events.  I moved to Sedona in 2019 and rented a place for 6 months to check out the area.  I loved it, so beautiful and amazing energy@  Then I moved to another area in Northern Arizona where I decided to settle.  I'm in the process of buying a home, a new build.  I've been with my same company for 17 years.  The past year was stressful because of all the changes due to covid and my job role changed, but I was happy to help and work in whatever capacity needed.  I got out and walked every day, hiked on the weekends.  Meditated a bunch.  Spent time with friends when I could, but also was very happy spending time alone.  I slept 7-10 hours a night. 

 

I had decided that I wanted to go off the medication and that I would come up with a tapering plan.  I remembered from before that the next step was to go down to 2.5.  But this was just an idea in my head.

 

Then I had a dental implant surgery in October 2020 and they gave me a Zpack. After a week, it hurt so bad.  I was told to take tylenol and then advil every three hours.  It still hurt so bad, then I got a nasty sinus infection.  They put me on Augmentin.  I was taking so many pills and was worried about my liver, that I looked at my Lexapro and thought, I can't take another pill.  I'll go ahead and get off now.  I figured that I was going to feel bad for the month anyway and that I could handle the uncomfortable feeling of the withdrawals, so I just stopped.  Just like that. 

[Jennings]

Hey Crochet, 

 

Your withdrawal symptoms sound very similar to mine.  It’s absolutely terrible.

 

Stay strong and get through this.

[Crochet]

@JenningsThanks for checking in, Jennings.  I appreciate it very much and wish only health for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Crochet]

Had a window today beginning in the morning, and I'm still in it.  Although my physical symptoms are still there, my thinking has been clear.  It's a nice break. 

[Yesyes123]

57 minutes ago, Crochet said:

Had a window today beginning in the morning, and I'm still in it.  Although my physical symptoms are still there, my thinking has been clear.  It's a nice break. 

 

May that window be long, and frequent! 🙌

 

What if it's all over and you're good now? Everything's possible. Don't be limited by anything you read - focus on what you're feeling. 

 

Remember there are people who CT these drugs without a problem (I know a few)

 

I was watching a video of a guy who CT'd Lexapro 10mg after 7 years on it and says he had no problems.

 

Although it seems hard to believe, there are lots of cases like that. I guess every CNS is indeed different. 

 

Not that anyone should ever attempt that - we all know the risks. But it's also possible you'll be much better than you expect much sooner.

 

Hang in there. Peace.

[Crochet]

I'm so glad to know you, your positivity is a beautiful thing.  Thank you for stopping by to wish me well.  Good night, Yesyes, I so appreciate you.

 

Crochet

[Yesyes123]

I say the exact same! You have been kind to me since the first word we exchanged.

 

See, an important part of this whole thing is how we see it. We will both make it and come out with a greater appreciation for life.

 

Peace and have a great night!

[Crochet]

Yes we will and be stronger for it!

[saimshah]

I ct Escitalopram 2 times in the past after using for 5 to 6 monthes without a single wd. this last time i was not lucky enough and now in bad wd from last 7 months. You will be alright just  be strong and dont think yourself alone. We all as a SA community with you in this difficult situation.

[Crochet]

My mind has been relatively clear today.  But now it's getting close to bedtime and I am fearful, if I get 0-3 hours of sleep, then I have a really bad wave the next day.  I seem to be going through this cycle of 0-3 hours one night, then 6-8 the next night.  The days where I get the sleep the night before are usually much better than the days where I don't get sleep. 

 

I've had a big appetite yesterday and today and I'm hoping that's a good sign.  I went to the doctor for a general health check up and I'm down to 114 pounds.  Don't think I've been this weight since high school.  I talked to my Doctor about my issues and she was kind and listened.  Although at the end of the appointment, she said something like, "You've got eight years worth of anxiety coming at you all at once since you stopped the Lexapro."  No, I don't think that's how it works.....

 

This has been the most difficult time of my life and I'm so upset with myself for being so ignorant to the dangers of going off this drug.

 

I wish health and happiness to everyone who comes across this forum.

 

Much love,

Crochet

[saimshah]

just trying to touch base. how are you feeling now ?  everything alright with you ? 

[Crochet]

Thanks so much for checking in Saimshah, I am lucky to have you in my life virtually.

 

I'll say that its's been really up and down, within the same day.  I've gotten a bit more sleep lately, 6 last night and close to 8 the night before. This is despite the sleep jerks and anxious thoughts.

 

I seem to have a window every other day, but at the same time, I am less able to manage the waves.  They feel so strong.

 

I've been following your thread and will check in on you again soon.

 

Much love,

Crochet

 

 

[mdwstrx]

Hi @Crochet

 

Stopping by to wish you well and to say it seems we have some things in common.
I’ve been on the drug longer however. I stopped at 2.5 mg and then updosed to 7.5 mg and held. 
It took 5 months to stabilize. I’ve been slowly tapering since and doing well. 
 

It gets better. This is a great site and the mods know what they’re doing. Patience and consistency are key. 

 

md

🙏🏻

[Crochet]

Thanks so much, mdwstrx, you are really kind to stop by and give me encouragement.  I'm really glad that you are doing well.

 

Take care,
Crochet

[Yesyes123]

How are you feeling now @Crochet? What are your symptoms?

 

Hope you are hanging in there day by day. Better ones are ahead.

 

Peace

[Crochet]

@Yesyes123Thanks for the encouragement.  I am hanging in there somehow, luckily I am getting some sort of window each day.

 

Here are the symptoms that are concerning me:

• Trouble concentrating / difficulty with word recall
• Insomnia (but has gotten better)
• Anxiety/panic
• Chest tightness and pain, toxic feelings running through me
• Feeling detached/unreal
• Base of spine tingles sometimes
• Head buzzing
• Jolt awake and my body vibrates (but sleep jerks have lessened)
• Inability to access positive feelings (but has gotten better)

I've filed leave of absence paperwork at my job, which frightens me, but it is so hard to concentrate and multi-task and symptoms just increase.  I'm toying with the idea of just pushing through and doing my best at work, perhaps asking my boss if I can simplify my tasks.

 

This is so traumatic, I'm so sorry to all of those who have experienced this kind of pain.

 

I've read and watched so much!!!  I feel like an expert now.  Hopefully I can get though this without to much damage and use the information I've learned for the betterment of myself and others.  I'm trying not to beat myself up too much for going off of the med like I did, but it's hard.

 

Can anyone tell me that it's going to be okay?

 

Thanks so much,

Crochet

 

 

 

 

[Yesyes123]

2 hours ago, Crochet said:

I'm trying not to beat myself up too much for going off of the med like I did, but it's hard.

 

There's absolutely no logical reason to beat yourself up over going off the meds the way you did - it is NOT your job to know those things - that is why we have psychiatrists, at least in thesis.

 

It's sad, frightening and honestly disastrous that the medical "professionals" are SO outrageously misinformed about these drugs. It's insane to think that this is actually real. But it is.

 

On the other hand, NONE of this is your fault. And we my friends, are actually in a beautiful place if we really think about it; we are a group with access to real information and harm-reduction techniques about these drugs.

 

The majority of the population will not believe things they read online, and I can assure you the vast majority of people who have problems with these drugs end up WAY worse than we did, since their only resource for information is their psychiatrist who puts them on cocktails and gives them insane diagnosis that are just plain wrong when the problem is ONLY withdrawal (bipolar, borderline, etc).

 

We are so lucky. This website is exactly what we needed to make it through this challenge, so big of a challenge, that can often be overwhelming. But it is not forever, though. Someday we will be free from this experience, and a whole new life full of wonder and beautiful feelings will be there for us on the other end. 

 

We will also carry the certainty that we will NEVER have to endure this again, because we will never step into a psychiatrist's office ever again. And we will save those around us. 

 

What if you had waited another 15 years to learn about this? What if you ended up hospitalized, in a psych ward, having no clue about what is happening to you, having to trust doctors who are severely misinformed and unable to help you in the slightest?

 

We should thank the Lord for allowing our load to be immensely reduced by the hands of Altostrata and all the other amazing people who make all this possible. 

 

When you get hit by feelings of doom and despair, hopelessness, try to remember this. It's actually not that bad and we have more knowledge than most of our poor brothers and sisters who will have to suffer for decades before MAYBE waking up to the terror they have been submitted to. And by then they might not have that much life left on them. Not our case.

[mdwstrx]

Hi Crochet.
Only you can tell yourself it will be ok. Not playing with words but you have to dig deep inside and come to accept where you are. Including not blaming. Once you do, it frees you to focus on learning to cope with the strange symptoms. When you learn to cope, your body can relax more readily and heal. Fear of fear is what needs to be conquered. It’s like learning to walk a tight rope. With confidence, it’s doable. But if you fear that each time the wind blows, you’ll plunge, you probably will.  
 

Headspace on-line has some good mindfulness vids that teach you how to accept and float confidently through the fear. This site also has some very good resources. We’re all different and heal in our own time. Your body is an amazing creation. Once you come to acceptance, as hard as it is, I believe you’ll find this a less difficult healing journey.  I certainly did and experienced all of the things you listed above.  
 

Praying for you, 

md

🌻

[Crochet]

Thank you for the encouragement YesYes and mdwstrx.  I needed it.

[RusTW]

15 hours ago, Crochet said:

@Yesyes123Thanks for the encouragement.  I am hanging in there somehow, luckily I am getting some sort of window each day.

 

Here are the symptoms that are concerning me:

• Trouble concentrating / difficulty with word recall
• Insomnia (but has gotten better)
• Anxiety/panic
• Chest tightness and pain, toxic feelings running through me
• Feeling detached/unreal
• Base of spine tingles sometimes
• Head buzzing
• Jolt awake and my body vibrates (but sleep jerks have lessened)
• Inability to access positive feelings (but has gotten better)

I've filed leave of absence paperwork at my job, which frightens me, but it is so hard to concentrate and multi-task and symptoms just increase.  I'm toying with the idea of just pushing through and doing my best at work, perhaps asking my boss if I can simplify my tasks.

 

This is so traumatic, I'm so sorry to all of those who have experienced this kind of pain.

 

I've read and watched so much!!!  I feel like an expert now.  Hopefully I can get though this without to much damage and use the information I've learned for the betterment of myself and others.  I'm trying not to beat myself up too much for going off of the med like I did, but it's hard.

 

Can anyone tell me that it's going to be okay?

 

Thanks so much,

Crochet

 

 

 

 

Working helps.dont stop doing what u do

[Crochet]

Any advice for getting disability/FMLA approved? 

 

Neither my psychiatric nurse or doctor understand the severity of my experience nor are they versed in antidepressant discontinuation.  I put "extreme anxiety/insomnia/antidepressant discontinuation syndrome" as my reason.  The doctors will release my medical records and then I will hear back on whether approved or not.

 

I really want to work!  But it just seems to spike all my symptoms and I do a horrible job.  Ideally I will be able to work at least a few hours a week.

 

Copying in SeanT in case the answer helps.

@SeanT

[Crochet]

I searched a Benzo forum and found that FMLA is being approved for things like Anxiety, Depression, Insomnia.  Not sure about short disability though.  We'll see whether or not approved and what they say.