Crochet: Lexapro withdrawal - 5mg CT

[Crochet]

So I've been feeling mostly normal the past few days, which is such a relief.  I've noticed that I do much better around day 22-28 of my period, then my period hits and I'm sunk down into a wave for a week and half.  I think the wave is getting less intense each time, but I'm not sure. 

 

I'm concerned  -  I am feeling "normal" when my progesterone levels are high due to my own biological cycle, and then when they drop off for my period, that I'm put into some sort of a progesterone withdrawal.  Is this possible?  I will discuss with my doctor in our next meeting.  I found somewhat vague information about this on the Benzo Information Coalition website.

[Crochet]

6 months since reinstating - I have been laughing this week, really laughing.  It caught me by surprise and I didn't realize I had been missing that.  I am able to experience joy again, at least for now.  I'm also waking up earlier and have more energy throughout the day.

[Dee12h]

That’s great!

[mdwstrx]

On 7/7/2021 at 9:19 AM, Crochet said:

6 months since reinstating - I have been laughing this week, really laughing.

Happy to hear this! Very similar to my recovery timeframe. I began a Brassmonkey slide once I stabilized. It has not been too bad at all - making between 8% and 10% monthly cuts. It helps that I'm retired w/very little stress. My last cut was only 5% and was uncharacteristically a little rough so I held for 4 wks. I feel I'm back at "withdrawal normal" so just made another 2.5% reduction this morning. It's possible, if it is what you want, to slowly reduce by testing the withdrawal waters along the way. As someone told me, just go slow and at some point - zero may pop up.  

[wantrelief]

On 7/7/2021 at 7:19 AM, Crochet said:

I have been laughing this week, really laughing. 

This is great to hear!  I just heard a wonderful quote the other day: "laughter transcends the mind"....I find that to be so true, when I am laughing that is all I am doing.  I am happy for you that you are feeling so much better, Crochet.

[Crochet]

@Dee12h @mdwstrx @wantrelief Thanks for your support and well wishes, I appreciate you!

 

My period came and it didn't result in a massive decline that I was bracing for.  I don't feel great, but more importantly, I don't feel horrible.  Will keep on keeping on.

 

I'm not ready yet, but when I do make a cut, it's only going to be 3%.  I still need to get off the hydroxyzine, too.

 

Much Love!

[Crochet]

Almost seven months since reinstating and I'm still going through the healing/restructuring process.  I am back to working 8 hours a day.  What I will call "magical thinking" has returned.  I can now employ positive thought as a tool again.  I still can't engage in the spiritual path that I've been on for the past decade, but I'm getting closer.  I did an hour and a half yoga class today that was spiritually based, and it felt good, so that's something.  A few times, I've caught myself remembering that I used to like this or that and then doing it.  

 

This process has been atrocious.  Thankfully it is not complete and is still unfolding.  Small changes every day.

 

It feels like all that I identified with as me, as important, as human, was stripped away and held out of reach, inaccessible.  And it has very, very slowly been coming back.

[mdwstrx]

28 minutes ago, Crochet said:

It feels like all that I identified with as me, as important, as human, was stripped away and held out of reach, inaccessible.  And it has very, very slowly been coming back.

I can so relate to this. For those of us who are spiritual, there is something that feels decidedly 'evil' about the ordeal. I'm glad "you" are coming back. 💜

[Crochet]

Something else changed, but I can't quite put my finger on it.  I felt kind of sick and drained last weekend, mostly stayed in bed and read.  But then Sunday afternoon, I went to a creek and put my feet in.  I breathed in and looked around and thought, "everything is alright."  Haven't had a thought like that in a long time!

 

I still feel buzzy inside by head and body at times, still a few muscle jerks as I'm trying to sleep.  Tiny, unkown muscles in my body are often tense.  Strange feelings in my head.  My dreams have mostly been a nice escape during the past few months, where I feel normal or better than normal.  Last night was an exception though- strange, painful dreams.

 

Still going through the process.

[Crochet]

Oh, I'm also more regularly experiencing those early morning wake ups where fear courses through your body.  I have been taking 200mg of L-theanine when this happens and it calms me enough to go back to sleep.

[mdwstrx]

20 hours ago, Crochet said:

I breathed in and looked around and thought, "everything is alright."

I remember when I had that same thought in acute wd. It's on my page and was a turning point that reassured me! It should you, too! The L-theanine is interesting. I've been using melatonin for my random sleep issues. Wonder which is better so may have to try.

md

💙☮️🙏

[Crochet]

Almost 9 months since reinstating.

 

September was a big month for me.  I have been tapering Hydroxyzine since April.  Last month I did somewhat of a cross-taper to Claritin.  When I got down to .8mg of Hydroxyzine, I got really itchy.  I added .2 mg of Children's Claritin, liquid formula, then slowly brought it up to 1.4mg while dropping the Hydroxyzine.  The itch is mostly under control, but I might increase the Claritin a little more.

 

I've also been cutting back on the Lexapro, as follows, from 7.5mg:

 

5/28/21 - 7.14

7/13/21 - 7.07

8/4/21 - 7

8/25/21 - 6.92

9/26/21 - 5.84

 

I plan to go down to 5 next month and then hold for a good long while.

 

I've continued to improve despite the itchiness.  My thoughts move and feel more like I am used to.  I am remembering more.  Instead of crying because I'm in pain or feel like I've lost my life, I've cried out of sympathy, or grief, or because something I saw pulled at my heart-strings.  The positive changes are more subtle now and hard to describe, but they are happening.

 

I remembered that I have taken a benzo before, twice actually, vaginally for pelvic pain.  10mg of Valium in a suppository.  The first time was in 2015, but I didn't take it for very long.  The next time was in 2019 from July until November, every 2-3 days then stopped.  Looking back, I can probably attribute hair loss, unexplainable fear and sleep paralysis to it.  

 

If anyone experiences pelvic pain, I recommend the book "Heal Pelvic Pain" by Amy Stein and physical therapy.  No need for drugs at all. 

 

My doctor explained that the Valium only acted locally and that there was no risk of addiction. I didn't know the difference between addiction and dependence at the time, nor did I understand how benzos work on the brain.

 

So I took Valium in 2019, took 4 rounds of antibiotics in 2020, and went off the Lexapro at the end of 2020.  A lot for my poor brain.

 

That's my story.  Still chugging along.  Take care everyone.

[mdwstrx]

@Crochet

Happy to hear you're still chugging!

Be careful at the lower escitalopram levels.

As you know, they caught up with me

unexpectedly and I had to hold this summer.

Praying that things go smoothly!

md

 

[Crochet]

@mdwstrxThanks for checking in!  If I continue to feel better, I think I'm going to micro-taper down to 5mg on the Lexapro, just not sure of the plan yet.  I'm close.

[Crochet]

Posting some more information on my Hydroxyzine taper.  I don't remember exact dates or how long I held until I started keeping track better in June.

 

In January 2021, I was only getting 1-2 hours of sleep at night.  Hydroxyzine gave me 3-4 hours a night.  I was told I could take 50mg every six hours for anxiety, but it didn't feel right, so I mostly just took it to help with sleep.

 

In April 2021, my sleep had normalized, but I found that I was very depressed and stayed in bed for most of the day.  It was so difficult to not be horizontal, so I decided to start tapering Hydroxyzine.  I got a prescription for 25mg, then 10mg tablets.  Then, I used a jewelry scale to measure the pill weight of cut pills.

 

My sleep was slightly disturbed when I dropped, and I just felt more jumpy, but things settled.  I would also get itchy with each drop, but this also settled.

 

As I got to lower levels, I started itching more, so I decided to cross over to Claritin.  Hydroxyzine has an interaction with Lexapro and I've read that as a first generation antihistamine it has more side effects, one of them being to slow brain function.  I decided that Claritin would be better for me since my sleep had been stable.  I hope to slowly taper off Claritin eventually.

 

January 2021 - April 2021:  50-100mg per night

April 2021:  25mg per night  

May 2021:  10mg per night

June 9, 2021:  5mg per night

July 15, 2021:  2.5mg per night

August 25, 2021:  1.6mg per night

September 5, 2021:  .8mg per night

September 11, 2021:  Added .2mg Children's Claritin liquid

September 17, 2021:  Stopped Hydroxyzine and increased Claritin to .5mg

September 24, 2021:  Increased Claritin to 1mg

October 4, 2021:  Increased Claritin to 1.3mg

October 8, 2021:  Increased Claritin to 1.4mg

 

I've seen gradual improvement during this taper and I seem to have more energy since I stopped taking Hydroxyzine.  I'm not sure how things are going to play out in the coming months but I hope that I continue to recover from my crash in January from stopping 5mg of Lexapro.

[deg1979]

Awesome! Thank you so much, @Crochet! I will definitely be using this. I agree that I don’t like the feeling of being on hydroxyzine in the daytime. I’ve been taking it during the day since 9/19 (my anxiety WD symptoms started getting bad 9/12), but I am now trying to cut back. Currently taking 25 mg 3 times daily, but that is spaced out 8 hours as of this week. So I take one at 7 am, one at 3 pm, and one before bed with a time released melatonin that contains L-theanine. 
 

My sleep has been pretty bad lately. I jerk awake all the time; sometimes I sleep so lightly I’m not sure I slept. Other times I am awake all night long. Those are the worst times, because the next day I am just a mess and can’t deal with the WD symptoms like I normally can. 
 

I definitely feel more jumpy today after lowering my dose on Sat. I think I will hold for a bit. I had a racing heart this afternoon. I’m hoping to stretch my daytime doses, switch to taking it only at night, then phase it out as my sleep stabilized, as you did. Your schedule is really helpful for me! Thanks!

[Crochet]

I came across this guy on youtube who seems to have a clue as to what might be going on in my brain:  EONutrition--Is your brain on FIRE? Neuro-inflammation, Leaky Gut, and CIRS. 

 

He uses the word "damage" a lot, which I found somewhat triggering, but the science seems to be similar to what is posted on here as a possible explanation for withdrawal syndrome.

[Crochet]

@Nomansland Hi Nomansland, I never said thank you for posting the leaflet in my thread.  Thank you.  I wasn't ready to educate providers back then, but am feeling better now, so will come up with a short list of providers and a plan.  I also still need to make a report to the FDA.

 

@deg1979 Thanks for dropping by, I'm going to pop over to your thread to see how you are doing.

 

I am still recovering but feeling much better overall.  This is mostly because I seem to have access to all my positive emotions again (there might be some blissful meditative feelings that I can't quite access yet, but I'm hoping I will eventually get there).  If your mind is somewhat calm, then dealing with physical issues is much easier.  I only have hints of derealization every now and again, when once it was constant, so this is improvement.  This was a terrible state to exist in.

 

I get an uptick of symptoms anytime there is a change in my system, so when I get my period, when I ovulate, when I get stressed, and even the transition between waking and sleeping and vice versa.

 

When I go through these transitional times, the inner feeling of restlessness and muscle tension increases, but there have been some times where it feels like I can almost fully relax.

 

My period tends to wipe me out for a week or two and my energy is so low that I mostly lay down in my free time.  I force myself to do yoga and walk daily during these times.  I simply have to conserve my energy.

 

If I wake up in the middle of the night or in the morning, I'm vibrating.  It's so odd and feels gross.  But it used to be that fear coursed through my system, so this is an improvement.  I've also had times where it feels like different textures or colors or lights are flashing through my body and mind.  One time it felt like my body was flashing plaid and argyle.  I can't make this stuff up....

 

I'm also having histamine issues but am mostly controlling it with Claritin.  I know there are other ways to approach this, but I'm just not ready yet to try a bunch of new things.

 

On another note, I have been following certain stories on youtube and they seem to have been completely wiped, even removed from my browsing history as if I never even watched them.  Times are so strange.

 

Take care everyone,

 

Crochet

[deg1979]

That is super weird about the YouTube videos. I have to admit, I keep thinking to myself how on earth is this stuff kept quiet? I’m sure we here are only the tip of the iceberg. This is not that unusual, I think. And it is so horrible I can’t believe I’ve never heard of it before.

 

My body is the same way. Every single change. Even when the sun sets and rises. I am so flipping reactive to every little thing. I had a handful of mornings where I actually had that blissful feeling of waking up (always way too early), but then being able to calmly lay and doze until it was actually time to get up. Reminded me of life before this, and it was so sweet!

 

I have to take a step back from things like the histamine worries as well. There is a fine line between helping ourselves and overstressing ourselves. My husband has ridiculously awful vestibular migraines, so I am trying to get him to try it. Honestly I’m not sure there’s any rhyme or reason to my WD symptoms beyond “withdrawal brain hates any and all changes.” I have an progestin IUD and no period, but I started sympto-thermal charting to see what kind of cycling my body is doing. I think I feel better post-ovulation, but again, who the hell actually knows!

 

I 100% feel the same vibrating when I wake up in the middle of the night. It’s almost impossible to keep still. I usually just bolt out of bed at that point (if it’s after 5 am) because moving helps the feeling go away. I am fascinated that my brain can panic all on its own while I’m sleeping. I honestly think when I’m awake I never get to that state of sheer panic that I often wake up in. I also relate to the body flashing argyle and plaid. I have had all kinds of textural and light flashes and hearing noises and voices as I fell asleep. And the argyle thing sounds totally normal based on my experiences! In fact, as a kid I used to have these weird sensory nightmares that involved nothing but texture and sensation and the feeling of everything being wrong—like the fabric of the universe was dissolving. I’d forgotten those. 
 

Do you have trouble watching TV? I can’t, especially on my bad days. It is pretty much the only thing that consistently makes me feel like I’m going to completely lose it and enter full panic attack mode. I have one show I was into before this happened, and I still watch it every week, but I watch it on my phone, then set the phone aside so I can hear it but look away easily if I feel overwhelmed. Plus it’s The Morning Show—it isn’t action packed or anything. I can hear my husband watching something right now that I definitely could not handle! Before this, my fave show was The Walking Dead. That’s how dramatic this intolerance to TV post-Lexapro is! I so miss a good TV show before bed. It was a great way to let go of the day and escape reality. Someday! Someday I will watch TV again!

[Crochet]

@deg1979We are having so many similar experiences!  The vibrations and sensory things are so weird, but I'm somehow comforted that you know what I'm talking about.  I'm sorry that you are getting them.  That's interesting what you say about the fabric of the universe.  There is definitely an existential component to withdrawal.

 

In the beginning, I could not watch tv at all.  I tried to read, and when I had a hard time reading, I went to the grocery store and got a bunch of magazines.  It wasn't a comfort, but I had to distract somehow and watching anything was just too much.  Most of January-February I was in a dark/quiet home trying to distract.  I can share good news - I am able to watch tv now.  I try not to choose things that are too emotionally distressing, but I like the emotionality.  I now watch too much, more than I ever did.  It's hard to be alone with myself for long periods of time.  I used to really enjoy the quiet, alone time.  I'm hoping this will come back.

 

This was good to hear from you.....

 

I had a handful of mornings where I actually had that blissful feeling of waking up (always way too early), but then being able to calmly lay and doze until it was actually time to get up. Reminded me of life before this, and it was so sweet!

 

I used to sleep like a champ and felt that naps were magical.  I loved that dozey, dreamy feeling.  I miss it!

 

Take care,

Crochet

 

This

 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

2 hours ago, Crochet said:

 

I had a handful of mornings where I actually had that blissful feeling of waking up (always way too early), but then being able to calmly lay and doze until it was actually time to get up. Reminded me of life before this, and it was so sweet!

That's awesome! I'm glad you got to feel that!

Also definitely get trying to avoid emotionally distressing media. 

[deg1979]

@Crochet, thank you for responding! That gives me hope. I know we shouldn't compare to one another too much, and I know everyone is different, but you know how it is. Some days are better than others, and my hope soars. Then the next day or week you're back feeling like you've made no progress in the middle of a wave. Magazines are a great idea. I am trying to stay away from screens after dinner, but all of my media is on my phone! When I read on my phone, I wear blue light glasses and turn the screen light down, but on my really bad days even that bothers me. 

 

I am trying to get my therapist to understand this. She seemed receptive to the idea of people having a really negative adverse reaction to trying an SSRI, but she doesn't seem to understand the idea that the fear, panic, and anxiety people are feeling in withdrawal or after the adverse reaction is genuinely coming from some physiological place. She thinks that I have a bad week when I do a lot of emotional work in therapy, but that is not it at all. I have a bad week when I try to add a supplement and it goes wrong, or when I stress out my central nervous system in some way. 

 

I have good news, though! I decided to some extent I just want to brave the CNS upset, but ONLY when it's something really important to me. Especially if it's something that has always been a part of my life. I love to run. I ran track in high school, and even though I wasn't really any good, running has always had a sacred place in my life. It is one of my lifelong, everyday coping mechanisms. I have run a handful of times during the last month, and each time it sends me into a wave. But I ran Sun and Mon (not very far, only 3 miles, but that's OK for now) and did not enter a wave! I am OK! Still in withdrawal normal! 

 

This makes me happy. I also wonder if I could watch Hallmark Christmas movies with my mother-in-law. She loves to watch them, and I usually can't handle them, but right now they may be just the thing. The only problem is, she has a huge TV (and so do we--ironically, we bought it the month before my adverse reaction). The size of the screen seems to have an effect on me. I think I will try it, though. I have three daughters who love to watch Christmas movies, too. 

[Crochet]

Hello,

 

I seem to have "leveled up" again.  Energy is higher more consistently.  I felt really good one morning and tried to shovel snow.  That landed me in bed for the rest of the day.  Even if it feels good, I will need to limit my activity.

 

I've added in Vitamin D and am tolerating it well.  I started at 400mg and I'm now at 800mg.  I understand this is lower than recommended doses, but I will work my way up.

 

I've also increased my Claritin intake to 5mg daily of the children's formula.  Hives and feeling of fire in the brain are under control for the most part.

 

Here's my recent Escitalopram tapering history:

 

11/14/21 - 5.7mg

11/28/21 - 5.55mg

12/5/21 - 5.34mg

12/12/21 - 5.05mg

12/26/21 - 5mg

 

I'm going to rest here at 5mg for a period of time.

 

Hello beautiful @deg1979and @ThatOneGirlStitch.  I will check out your threads to see how you are doing.  Sending love and light.

 

Take care,

 

Crochet

 

 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

Hi crochet. Not much to report, just hanging in there, but that's good enough for now. It's good to see your energy is improving.  Even if you have to limit activity for now. It looks like you are doing your best to help your body heal. Good to hear from you.

[Yesyes123]

Hey @Crochet!

 

Wow how long has it been! Wonder if you'll even remember me.

 

So glad to see you have improved so much.

 

Much love.

 

Peace + healing

[Crochet]

@Yesyes123 Of course I remember you!  You are unforgettable.  My heart fell when I saw that you were battling an ear infection.  I'll jump over and check out your thread.  

[Crochet]

These past few months I've tried to only post on here when I'm in a neutral state of mind.  I'm breaking that habit today.  I feel terrible.  The few days before my period things get churned up in my system, then my period comes and I hit a crescendo and have a long cry.  That happened today.  For two weeks of my cycle, I feel pretty bad most of the time and think that I'm never going to get better.  And for the other two weeks of my cycle, I feel generally okay and feel optimistic that I will heal.  This cycle is exhausting.  This negative brain state is exhausting.

 

It's been just over a year since my injury and reinstatement and I've seen slow improvement over the year, but things seem to have plateaued.  I haven't made any changes since the end of December and I don't plan to change anything until April.  

 

I found an ND in the area that has been through benzo withdrawal three times, the last time was a successful taper and she seems healthy now.  I had a brief consult with her and she explained that women often have issues with hormones and metabolism that need to be addressed.  She also explained that some people are very sensitive and need to add any supplements slowly and carefully.  I agreed with these statements.  Something that gave me pause, is that she believes that you can do a fast or slow taper, as long as it is supported.  A fast taper is simply not something that I'm going to do.   I am probably going to do an initial visit in April and see what she has to offer.  I want to slowly and carefully try supplements, but need some guidance.  Otherwise it's just me saying, maybe I'll try taurine next, or so and so said to try Vitex, maybe I'll do that.

 

I'm not ready to start dropping my dosage of lexapro again.  I'd like to see my menstrual cycle stabilize more.  When I do taper, I think I'm going to shave my pill for a while and then switch to an at-home liquid formula.  I'd like to switch to a prescription liquid formula, but am worried about supply chain issues and the impact on my body.  It just seems a little safer to stay with the pill.

 

On another note, after having this experience with my antidepressant and subsequent experience with medicine that couldn't help me, I feel like I now hold this secret.  It's a secret that I wish I didn't have and don't want to keep.  I feel like I have to speak very carefully if I speak about it at all.  I see sad stories on the news and wonder if the person actually had a run in with prescription medication.  Everything I ever believed about mental illness no longer holds up.  It's an awful interconnected mess that we are in and I really don't know how to unwind it.

 

Alright, signing off for now.  I'm going on a little walk in the woods to hopefully calm my mind.  I am at a point where I have more tools available to me in my toolbox of coping skills, so that is a plus.  For a while there, most tools were completely inaccessible.

[Yesyes123]

On 2/5/2022 at 4:34 PM, Crochet said:

I found an ND in the area that has been through benzo withdrawal three times, the last time was a successful taper and she seems healthy now.

 

Are you talking about Dr. Julia Britz?

[Yesyes123]

On 2/5/2022 at 4:34 PM, Crochet said:

 

On another note, after having this experience with my antidepressant and subsequent experience with medicine that couldn't help me, I feel like I now hold this secret.  It's a secret that I wish I didn't have and don't want to keep. 

 

I used to feel the same.

 

Now I don't care at all. I want everyone to know about my story and how antidepressants can destroy you.

 

I've had more than a handful of people tell me they were going to start taking AD's and gave up after seeing my story. This is enough to keep me going.

[Yesyes123]

On 2/5/2022 at 4:34 PM, Crochet said:

I'm not ready to start dropping my dosage of lexapro again.  I'd like to see my menstrual cycle stabilize more

 

It seems women have an added layer of difficulty with ADWD due to the chemistry of their own bodies, so different to that of a man's. 

 

Women are the stronger sex.

[Crochet]

@Yesyes123 Yes, Dr. Britz.  I couldn't find anything about her on this website.  I'm glad you feel so passionately about spreading information on antidepressants.  I hope to be in that position one day.  WD did whack my hormones, but I'm trying to find my way through.  Thanks for checking in on me, I appreciate it.

[Crochet]

After my last post, I felt better within two days.  Then I had the covid booster and I had a strong immune reaction-no sleep for almost 24 hours, fever chills, aches and pains, mental distortions.  Felt better in three days.  I hope that's it for these shots.

 

Just finished my period and it was much better than the last.  Only one day with psychiatric symptoms (so-called) and I felt tired, crampy, normal period stuff.  Hopefully this means I'm more stabilized.

 

Other improvements - I can work on a puzzle and enjoy it.  I'm feeling the urge to get out.  Friends are telling me that I sound more like myself.  I'm able to attend spiritual-type classes online.

 

Here are some things that helped ground me in the physical world when I felt so disconnected, and that later brought me comfort.  Hot water bottle held against my heart (and also other areas where I had aches or pains), aromatherapy diffuser with a small variety of scents, a large stuffed animal to hold against my chest while going to sleep, a little fountain in my bedroom while I rested, a salt lamp, setting up a small area for prayers with candles and rocks/sacred physical objects, cozy clothing/slippers, getting tucked in at night surrounded by pillows, the sound of a fan and oceans waves as I go to sleep, sitting on the ground outside and running my hands along the earth, pulling weeds, gentle stretching outside in the sun, pruning plants, daily walks, daily yoga, soft lighting, comedy shows, these little vibrating brains that I was given as a gift (I know, odd - PB100 - supposed to be the frequency of health).

 

Luckily, I've had a good friend staying with me this winter who is a healer and she helped me to come up with routines and tactile experiences.  When you feel so depersonalized, I think any small thing you can do to ground yourself into physical reality might help. 

 

Early in my injury, I took the Dynamic Neural Retraining program and think that it could be beneficial for some.  I wasn't able to do the exercises at the time because part of the process is to soak your mind in good feelings, and I simply wasn't able to do that at the time.  Good feelings were inaccessible.  I'm going back to the training now and will take what I can out of it.  I think there are other practices, specifically spiritual practices, that can do similar things to this program.

 

I'm at point now where I can start adjusting my diet.  For most of the past year, I simply didn't care about diet and thought I was beyond help in this way.  Now I feel differently, so I think this is another sign of progress.  I'd already cut out processed foods, now I've dropped sugar and cheese and am cutting down on grains.  I'm making changes to my diet slowly.  Have been looking into the carnivore diet and am not opposed to taking myself there if it feels like a healthy thing to do in the future.

 

Holding at 5mg of escitalopram.  It's been 14 months since I reinstated.

 

Take care everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Crochet]

Greetings,

 

I cut 1% on 3/28/22 so now I'm at 4.95mg.  I didn't seem to feel it.  I'm just going to cut 1% at a time and wait at least 3 weeks before cutting again, but am just going to go by intuition, no rush.  I'm filing and weighing on a jewelry scale.

 

I've been slowly changing my diet over the past few months and am surprised at how much it has helped, shocking really.  I'm eating mostly red meat, some chicken, pork and fish, eggs, low-histamine fruits and veggies and some white rice.  I'm at about 80-100g of carbs per day.

 

I have more energy, am interacting with people more, am optimistic about my future and my periods are better.  This last period I wasn't derealized at all, which was a welcome first.

 

Remaining symptoms:  Buzzing in the brain, sensations/burning in the brain, inner tension, inner shaky feeling and darker thoughts when I wake up from sleep whether in the middle of the night or in the morning.  Still struggling to manage my energy, but it's getting better.

 

Take care,

Crochet

 

 

 

 

 

 

[mdwstrx]

@Crochet I'm glad to see things are holding or improving slightly. Since your recent cut was uneventful, you may want to consider a crossover to liquid escitalopram. The mods here can elaborate if you decide to try it. It makes tapering that much easier I found. Yes, diet can make a big difference. I eat pretty simply too. I glad to hear your energy is up and you're more optimistic! Good update!   

[Crochet]

@mdwstrx Thank you for the advice.  I have some fears about switching over to the liquid formula even though it would be easier.  For now, I'm just slightly annoyed when I file and weigh my pills, so will keep going this way for now and then maybe create my own liquid later.  We'll see. 

 

Changes since my last update:

 

Escitalopram:

4/24/2022 - decrease to 4.90 - 1%

5/15/2022 - decrease to 4.85 - 1%

 

Claritin:

4/6/2022 - decrease to 4mg

5/15/2022 - decrease to 3mg

 

My diet consists of beef, lamb, some chicken, bacon, turkey and fish, eggs, butter, select vegetables and select fruits.  Carbs are at about 60 grams per day.  I'm also taking some electrolytes and extra salt.  I'll probably start to put myself into ketosis next month and see how that goes.

 

Improvements: I've been thinking about driving to the coast, and think I might actually do that this summer.  Even two months ago a vacation seemed outside the realm of possibilities.  My thoughts feel more normal, meaning that there are more of them and they are more pleasant for the most part.  I've also been able to move forward on small projects and to-do items.  Creative energy is coming back.  I've been crocheting, staining a chair, decorating for someones birthday and have started a garden journal.

 

I am very relieved, but don't feel like I'm out of the woods yet.  Still some more healing that needs to happen.  It is very odd, though, that as bad as I felt for as long as I felt it, I can't connect to that pain anymore.  It's like this state of being and that state of being can't co-exist.  I think this is why a lot of people seem to just move on with their lives and not look back - there is a disconnect.  There's probably a psychiatric term for this phenomenon....

 

Take care everyone,

 

Crochet

[Crochet]

Hello!

 

Changes since my last post:

 

Escitalopram:

6/1/2022 - decrease to 4.8 - 1%

6/19/2022 - decrease to 4.75 - 1%

7/3/2022 - decrease to 4.71 - 1%

 

Claritin:

6/18/2022 - decrease to 2mg

7/2/2022 - decrease to 1mg

 

I've decreased my carb intake by removing potatoes/sweet potatoes/dates.  I'm now taking in between 30 and 50 grams of carbs daily.  I ordered a measurement device to measure ketones as I continue to drop the carbs in hopes of getting back to baseline health.  Still eating high fat.

 

I've continued to see improvement.  I have begun spending time with friends that are outside my inner circle, which has been nice.  I also went paddleboarding for 2.5 hours the other day and did okay.  I'm also taking on a little more responsibility at work.

 

I'm still experiencing head buzzing and strange sensations in my body and head, some fatigue.  Inner tension sometimes that isn't explainable.  Things are feeling a bit more normal overall.

 

I will continue to decrease the Escitalopram by 1% every few weeks until I get off the Claritin and switch into ketosis/stabilize.  Then I might increase my cuts, but not by much.  No rush.

 

Take care everyone,

 

Crochet