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Yesyes123: Will I ever be able to quit Lexapro?


Yesyes123

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Hey,

 

I tried to taper once before about 3 years ago, same thing happened, and I reinstated and it took me a long time to stabilize.  

 

If you read my thread you can see my discussion on this.

Med History - 2014 - 2020 - Zoloft, Effexor, Klonopin, Lexapro, Buspar (No longer on any of these)

Went to my doctor for an annual and mentioned I was stressed, gave me Zoloft, stopped it after 3 months because it didn't do anything, ended up in withdrawal and was told I had a mental illness.  I've been diagnosed Bipolar and Clinically Depressed.  

Current Med Taper 

Lamotrigine - 25mg (May 21') -> 24mg (May 23') -> 23mg (July 23') -> 22mg (Aug 23') -> 21mg (Oct 23') -> 20mg (Dec 23')

Supplement: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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  • Moderator Emeritus
7 hours ago, Yesyes123 said:

have been considering a switch to Prozac (in a few months - once I'm stable on 15mg/ day Lexapro).

 

I am not a big fan of switching drugs and would not recommend this. There is no way to tell whether the Prozac would agree with you.   Plus you are adding more time for the crossover and then stabilizing.

 

You are overthinking your situation.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Mentor
5 hours ago, Gridley said:

You are overthinking your situation.

 

I really am, right? Thanks for pointing that out Gridley... but I guess it's kind of hard not doing that... it's been less than a month since I found out about withdrawal syndrome and all that...

 

Anyway.

 

For the foreseeable future, I'll be on 15mg/ day and won't think of touching the dosage. I'm thinking maybe 5 or 6 more months until I start tapering.

 

That also gives me more than enough time to study and learn about what to do and what are the safest moves. 

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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I don’t think u need to wait for 6 months to attempt ur first 2-5% reduction. 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • Administrator

I wouldn't switch drugs unless you absolutely have to, for the reasons @Gridley so correctly noted.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Mentor

Thanks - I won't be switching then.

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Hey. So I had a big setback today. I've been crying so much. But I think I'm figuring it out. I haven't been able to get good/ long enough sleep in a while and that is a huge trigger for me. I absolutely need to get sleep. If I get good enough sleep for a few days, I'm good. I can function ok, I don't feel like crying, I can be ok. It's rest + stress reduction. Most of it.

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Mentor

Hi. If anyone could talk to me or post here that would mean a lot. I am at a very low point. I really want to kill myself. I don't see a point in trying anymore. 

 

I can't make decisions. I can't do anything. I can't be alone. I'm not myself anymore. This is not me. I feel like I am dead already. I feel like I died last October, when I started having WD. 

 

I am more stable now and making progress, but I can't understand why  it has to be like this. I used to believe so much in God - how can there be a God that allows this to happen? Why did I have to take this damn pill for so long, if I had been doing so well?

 

I don't see the point of trying anymore. I can't have any real happiness anymore. 

 

I was doing well, I was figuring out ways to cope. But it just hurts so much. I feel like I am dead already. I just want out of this. I used to believe a lot in Allan Kardec, and his descriptions of what happens to people who commit suicide terrify me. But I don't know if anything is real anymore.

 

I really want to kill myself and I'm scared that I'll actually attempt it. I've never tried it but it has never been this bad before. 

 

The only reason I actually want to stop myself from doing this is because i think it would kill my mother. I am all she has. She hates her job, she has no money, she has nothing. I am the joy of her life. And it's killing her already seeing me the way I am. If I kill myself I think I'll kill her too.

 

My life was so good. I had so much success, so much love, i had everything i wanted. I could do everything i wanted. Until i decided to stop taking Lexapro as I turned 21 last year in July. 

 

I can't stop wishing to go back in time and tell myself never to stop taking that pill. Or to have found SA before trying to stop it. Why couldn't that have happened? I would gladly take it for my entire life if that would prevent all that has happened since August last year. 

 

I haven't even posted the events after trying to stop Lexapro in here because i cannot talk about them. I turned into someone else. I had a manic episode. It made the person who i love the most on this planet tell me she would never see me again. I had no clue what was happening. I had no clue about WD. I thought i was bipolar. Someone told me I was cursed by bad spirits, and I believed it because there was no other explanation. How could an all loving God allow this? What did I do to deserve this fate? Is it karma, is it something i did in a past life? 

 

Thank you all so much for all your help. I really wanted to live, and help others who go through this. But i don't know how much longer i can take. 

 

If I don't post anymore, you guys please continue doing what you do. You have helped me so much. Even if i lose this battle, if it proves to be too much for me to handle, you are angels and you helped extend my life. 

 

I wish you all healing and peace

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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I really hope i don't kill myself. I want to make it through this for my mother.  She would not be able to stand my death, she would kill herself too. I can't believe i'm typing this. Just a few months ago i was so happy, i was so happy, i was so alive. 

 

Please God don't let these be my last posts.

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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@Yesyes123I hear you.(((hug)))

 

Thinking about my mom helped me too when I was feeling suicidal due to withdrawal. I am so sorry that you feel that way, it is very hard😖

The fact that you were happy few months ago should tell you that how you are feeling right now is not permenant. ☀️

Your life is so important, and when you recover you can help so many people. Know that you are not alone in this fight.
 

If you didn’t read it already:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/7619-for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal/page/2/

 

If you want to talk to somebody:

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/brazil-suicide-hotlines.html

July 19th 2017—July 2018: 10 mg Escitalopram

August 2018— June 2020: 5 mg Escitalopram

 

Tapering started: June 2020—1st of August. Lowest dose was 5 mg (5 mg every second day for a couple of weeks, then 5 mg twice a week for a couple of weeks, and lastly 5 mg once a week until I stopped)

 

Drug free: August 1st, 2020

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate 2x200 mg and Omega3 – 2x1000 mg.

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6 hours ago, Yesyes123 said:

Hi. If anyone could talk to me or post here that would mean a lot. I am at a very low point. I really want to kill myself. I don't see a point in trying anymore. 

 

I can't make decisions. I can't do anything. I can't be alone. I'm not myself anymore. This is not me. I feel like I am dead already. I feel like I died last October, when I started having WD. 

 

I am more stable now and making progress, but I can't understand why  it has to be like this. I used to believe so much in God - how can there be a God that allows this to happen? Why did I have to take this damn pill for so long, if I had been doing so well?

 

I don't see the point of trying anymore. I can't have any real happiness anymore. 

 

I was doing well, I was figuring out ways to cope. But it just hurts so much. I feel like I am dead already. I just want out of this. I used to believe a lot in Allan Kardec, and his descriptions of what happens to people who commit suicide terrify me. But I don't know if anything is real anymore.

 

I really want to kill myself and I'm scared that I'll actually attempt it. I've never tried it but it has never been this bad before. 

 

The only reason I actually want to stop myself from doing this is because i think it would kill my mother. I am all she has. She hates her job, she has no money, she has nothing. I am the joy of her life. And it's killing her already seeing me the way I am. If I kill myself I think I'll kill her too.

 

My life was so good. I had so much success, so much love, i had everything i wanted. I could do everything i wanted. Until i decided to stop taking Lexapro as I turned 21 last year in July. 

 

I can't stop wishing to go back in time and tell myself never to stop taking that pill. Or to have found SA before trying to stop it. Why couldn't that have happened? I would gladly take it for my entire life if that would prevent all that has happened since August last year. 

 

I haven't even posted the events after trying to stop Lexapro in here because i cannot talk about them. I turned into someone else. I had a manic episode. It made the person who i love the most on this planet tell me she would never see me again. I had no clue what was happening. I had no clue about WD. I thought i was bipolar. Someone told me I was cursed by bad spirits, and I believed it because there was no other explanation. How could an all loving God allow this? What did I do to deserve this fate? Is it karma, is it something i did in a past life? 

 

Thank you all so much for all your help. I really wanted to live, and help others who go through this. But i don't know how much longer i can take. 

 

If I don't post anymore, you guys please continue doing what you do. You have helped me so much. Even if i lose this battle, if it proves to be too much for me to handle, you are angels and you helped extend my life. 

 

I wish you all healing and peace

I feel as u feel but as u said if u do it u ll kill ur mother as well (and if I did it it would be like I kill my mom and my two kids). Don’t do it, when u feel like this, u know u just have to take it minute by minute till the day is gone and u hope for a better day tomorrow 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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6 hours ago, Yesyes123 said:

I really hope i don't kill myself. I want to make it through this for my mother.  She would not be able to stand my death, she would kill herself too. I can't believe i'm typing this. Just a few months ago i was so happy, i was so happy, i was so alive. 

 

Please God don't let these be my last posts.

I understand. I never thought I'd say this as I'm 62 and in all of the life events I've gone through I have NEVER had this thought. Until going through withdrawal. But please, please know it is just a thought that is trying to express how chaotic withdrawal feels for you inside. It can get so grueling and difficult that a break from it seems like that's all we want and we'd pay any price to get it. But what if you have a window this afternoon? What if this is the worst part now and then healing is right after. Our brains do NOT know the future, though they LOVE to tell us that it is going to be bad and more of the same. But they don't know...because there is no future. There is just this moment. And then the next one. And the next one. Each of them is the present moment. And we can only actually live each one at a time. So, live this moment. And then the next. And KNOW that you will heal. Thinking of you.

MarieR

started 20 mg escitalopram 2011

failed CT attempt 2014 (4 months off)

back on 20 mg escitalopram 2014

began too fast taper (dr. recommendation, didn't know better) Jan. 2019

Taper: 3/4 of pill 4 weeks, 1/2 of pill 2 weeks and 1/4 of pill for 2 weeks

Off meds Mar. 7, 2019

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15 hours ago, Yesyes123 said:

I really hope i don't kill myself. I want to make it through this for my mother.  She would not be able to stand my death, she would kill herself too. I can't believe i'm typing this. Just a few months ago i was so happy, i was so happy, i was so alive. 

 

Please God don't let these be my last posts.

Please write smg, it is just a bad wave, it ll get better, I am at a horrific wave myself right now, we will both heal, there is no question about this, we just don’t know when. 

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • Mentor

Thanks for all the kind words. I will make it.

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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1 minute ago, Yesyes123 said:

Thanks for all the kind words. I will make it.

Are u feeling a bit better?

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • Mentor
1 hour ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Are u feeling a bit better?

I am coping. Came to my girlfriends house all of sudden. I'm a bit scared to do this, scared she'll leave me. She's exhausted of this whole situation.

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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45 minutes ago, Yesyes123 said:

I am coping. Came to my girlfriends house all of sudden. I'm a bit scared to do this, scared she'll leave me. She's exhausted of this whole situation.

It ll be better tomorrow. I understand she is exhausted but the one who is suffering is u and not her. The focus should be on u, she has to support u if she loves u

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • Mentor

Thank you so much @JesusSavemefromWD.

 

It was just a moment of crisis. They come and go. I am doing fine. I am so much better already. I will go get some very deserved sleep now. Tomorrow is a whole new day. Peace

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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@Yesyes123 How are you doing today?☀️
 

I always wonder what small things helps people (even a little bit) to cope during really difficult days... 

July 19th 2017—July 2018: 10 mg Escitalopram

August 2018— June 2020: 5 mg Escitalopram

 

Tapering started: June 2020—1st of August. Lowest dose was 5 mg (5 mg every second day for a couple of weeks, then 5 mg twice a week for a couple of weeks, and lastly 5 mg once a week until I stopped)

 

Drug free: August 1st, 2020

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate 2x200 mg and Omega3 – 2x1000 mg.

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  • Mentor
10 hours ago, Kingfisher86 said:

@Yesyes123 How are you doing today?☀️
 

I always wonder what small things helps people (even a little bit) to cope during really difficult days... 

 

To be quite honest, I am blessed enough to be doing fine. Especially compared to some of my friends here at SA.

 

I mean it - physically, I'm fine. No shaking, no body dysmorphia, no akathisia, no numbness... really nothing major.

 

My real problem is dealing with the thoughts, the anxiety and the events caused by quitting Lexapro too fast (went manic, etc). 

 

"What could life be like today if I never took this drug?"

 

"Why did God allow this to happen?"

 

"What if I suffer much more in the future, as I try to taper off?"

 

"What if my girlfriend of 5 years gets exhausted of this and leaves me?"

 

"I Was so HAPPY and content with life. Why did I keep taking Lexapro?" (I guess it just became part of my routine. That + the fact the doctor tells you if you stop you may have depression again and all that. No one wants to be depressed again).

 

These are thoughts that keep running in my head.

 

I am slowly learning to deal with them and the anxiety caused by these thoughts and the events caused by quitting Lexapro too fast. 

 

I know I will be fine - if I don't post anymore for a while, even if for a long time, don't worry.

 

I have gathered all the information on how to properly taper off, and am ready to face a 3-4 year journey coming off Lexapro.

 

I already ordered a Gemini-20 scale and it should arrive in about 1-2 months. I will keep taking Lexapro 15mg/ day until the scale arrives, and possibly for 3-4 months extra to make sure I really stabilize. 

 

Then, I will weight and crush my pills and take the proper dosages to reduce 10%/ month, or 2.5 weekly + 2 week hold (Brassmonkey Slide Method).

 

I have decided to live.

 

Even if it hurts, even if it takes a long time and no matter the cost - I WILL SURVIVE THIS DRUG and live to be drug free.

 

I WILL NO LONGER ENTERTAIN SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND NO LONGER LET THE PAST AND THE "WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN"s GET IN THE WAY.

 

I will live each day as it presents itself, and as it is. This is my life. This is the challenge I need to face. Just once, to be free of this for the rest of my days.

 

It's worth it.

 

Reading all the stories here has been making me considerably worse as I keep comparing myself to them/ thinking I will suffer like them when I clearly won't - reinstatement worked for me, it has been only 4 months since reinstating and I am more stable each day. I know in a few more months I will be MUCH better and MUCH more in control of my thoughts.

 

Goodbye for now. 

 

special thanks to @Gridley, @Altostrata, @JanCarol, @manymoretodays,@ChessieCat, @RuuRee, @JesusSavemefromWD, @MarieR, @Kingfisher86 and @brassmonkey 

 

(Sorry those that I forgot to mention here - thanks to you too).

 

I'm not sure how I'd face this challenge if it wasn't for you.

 

I'll come back much better sometime in the future. Wish you all the deepest healing, peace and joy.

 

- Yesyes123

 

 

 

 

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Administrator

Wise thoughts. Please do come back from time to time and tell us how you're doing, @Yesyes123

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Mentor

Hello, I came back because I have some important questions on what I should do!...

 

I never really had anxiety before taking Lexapro/ during all the years taking 10mg/ day. (I was mostly depressed, not anxious)

 

Now that I'm on 15mg/ day I'm having sooo much anxiety, ruminating thoughts, can't make decisions, feel like every decision I make is wrong and then deeply regret it, suicidal ideation, feel like my life was stolen, feel like I'll never get this time back, feel like I'm not up to this battle.

 

Since I have been on 10mg/ day for 5 years+ (from 15 years old) my body must be so used to that dose.

 

 

I quit for about 1-2 months August 2020 and then reinstated shortly after at 10mg. Then about a week or two later saw psychiatrist and he upped the dosage to 15mg.

 

I have been on 15mg/ day (WRONGLY following the psychiatrist advice) for about 4 months now and my physical symptoms from WD are mostly gone - still struggling so much with anxiety/ ruminating thoughts/ regretting every decision!

 

 

and wonder if a cut down straight back to 10mg right now could be catastrophic and send me back into acute WD. 

 

or maybe it could relief me of anxiety as my brain would be less stimulated by Lexapro? And my body has been used to that dosage (10mg/ day) for so many years? 

 

If that seems like a terrible idea? Maybe a cut straight to 12.5 mg could work better? I know it's more than the 10% / month recommended here, but please consider this scenario where I have been on that dosage for 5 years (10mg) then quit for 2 months then reinstated and quickly upped to 15mg? Staying at 15mg seems weird now.

 

or should I really just stay at 15mg and wait until I'm more and more stable?? It has been so tough. especially regretting EVERYTHING I do now.

 

I'm thinking of going to 12.5mg because it's a smaller cut and I can get a 10mg pill + half of a 5mg pill (10mg + 2.5mg)

 

@Gridley @Altostrata @JanCarol If you can help me at all, thanks so much... you are angels, lifesavers.

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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There is a possibility that 15mg is just too much for u. If I were u I would try to cut down by 10% and see how u feel. Of course u know this is totally ur decision and it is always a gamble if cutting will work or not.

Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs

Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper

Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg)

Symptoms while on zoloft

DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics

4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm.

- sleep & appetite are fine

9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above  (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 

10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin

14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 

1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Yes, yes,

If you want to begin tapering, why don't you just try for a 10% reduction.

15 X .90= 13.5 mg, and that would be the dose you would take that is a 10% reduction from 15 mg?

 

I think that the Lexapro tapering topic, as well as some of the other information, is all here, in your Introduction now.  I think you had explored liquid tapering, as well as possibly weighing?

What you might do, or what I would do is see if you can get a script for a 10 mg tablet, and then do 5 mg in liquid.  Then you could start your taper with the liquid portion, and take 10 mg solid and 3.5 mg liquid.

 

If that's impossible you could cross over carefully to the liquid version of Lexapro, or make your own liquid Lexapro.

 

If this seems to be your Withdrawal Stable, and you are feeling strongly about beginning a taper, then that's okay.

And especially if you are using all the non-drug coping you can to deal with symptoms.

 

Stabilizing-what does that mean

Stability

^ from the How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take essay.

And it talks about how if your symptoms are now pretty predictable, that might be WD stability for you.

 

And then, if a 10% taper from your current dose goes well, well......you are on your way.

On the other hand if you want to wait a bit longer to begin your taper, then that's okay too.

 

Chances are, beginning a taper will not magically take away your current symptoms.  Often, gradually over time, we just find better coping skills and practices.

And yes, the 15 mg dose is a whopper of a dosage.  And so maybe......it is too much.  And a nice gradual taper WILL help with some of your current symptoms.

 

But please don't decide to go more quickly from the outset. 

 

My two cents worth, and I know you didn't ask for them.....lol.  Your post just caught my eye, as I had just read that you were going to do some off site time.  And no worries about that......there are some real comfy places here, and it does kind of grow on you to frequent the community.  B)❤️

 

And best Yesyes.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
4 hours ago, Yesyes123 said:

and wonder if a cut down straight back to 10mg right now could be catastrophic and send me back into acute WD. 

 

Please read your previous post, which made a lot of sense. 

 

Regardless of what your body used to be accustomed to (10mg), after 4 months it's now accustomed to 15mg.  Dropping from 15mg to 10mg is a 33% reduction, over three times the minimum 10% every 4 weeks taper we recommend.  When you feel stable (and not until then), our recommendation would be no more than 10%, as mmt suggested above.

 

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Administrator

I agree with @JesusSavemefromWD, @Gridley, and @manymoretodays -- you might find as you carefully back down from 15mg, your symptoms will decrease.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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@Yesyes123hope you’re doing well...or at least hanging in there! 
I’ve been in your shoes. I think a lot of us have at one time or another on these dang drugs! 
Hang in there. You TOO will be able to tell your success story!! 

2005-2020 diff AD for trouble sleeping, switched multiple times. 

2020 Dec Escitalopram 10 mg

2021 Jan 10 mg -start BMS taper w/2 wk hold

2022 March 3.63 mg

2022 July 2.65 mg

2022 November 1.96 mg

2023 February 1.48 mg

2023 August .90 mg

.25mg Melatonin (as needed)

 

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  • Mentor
12 hours ago, Krisseyb said:

@Yesyes123hope you’re doing well...or at least hanging in there! 
I’ve been in your shoes. I think a lot of us have at one time or another on these dang drugs! 
Hang in there. You TOO will be able to tell your success story!! 

 

Thanks Krisseyb... how are you now?

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Hi Yesyes,

 

I hope you are having a good weekend. 

 

Can you please let me know, when you started to feel better after your reinstatement, how did it happen?

 

Also, when you were increased to 15mg per day in Nov, did it make you feel sick?

 

Okay, that is all for now.  I thank you for being you.

 

Much love,

Crochet

2012-present - Escitalopram currently 2.55 mg

Supplements:  Daytime- Green Lipped Mussel 1200mg, Omega-3s 1710mg, Wheat Germ Oil 770mg, Sodium Butyrate 1.2g, Phosphatidylcholine 2600mg, Multi-Min 2 tablets, Liposomal Glutathione 4 pumps, Probiotic 1 capsule, Beyond Balance herbal tinctures for lyme and gut healing (including one only taken during menstruation); Nighttime - L-theanine 200mg, melatonin 1mg, magnesium glycinate 400mg.

History:

2012-2017- Escitalopram 10mg

2017-2020 - Escitalopram 5mg

07/2019-11/2019 - Valium 10mg, every 2-3 days, then stopped

11/2020 - Stopped Escitalopram 5mg abruptly (crashed January 2021)

1/2021-12/2021 - Escitalopram Reinstated 2.5mg to 5 to 10 to 7.5 and then started slow taper

1/2021-2/2021 - Ativan .5mg - Took 13.5 pills over the course of 22 days and stopped

2/2021-9/2021  Hydroxyzine - 50-100mg tapering down to .8mg, then cross-tapered to Claritin and stopped

9/2021-9/2022 - Claritin 5 mg (tapered off)

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  • Mentor
2 hours ago, Crochet said:

Hi Yesyes,

 

I hope you are having a good weekend. 

 

Can you please let me know, when you started to feel better after your reinstatement, how did it happen?

 

Also, when you were increased to 15mg per day in Nov, did it make you feel sick?

 

Okay, that is all for now.  I thank you for being you.

 

Much love,

Crochet

 

Hey @Crochet , thanks for stopping by!

 

It took me about 3 months to feel better after reinstatement. When I first upped the dosage to 15mg (following the crazy psychiatrist advice) I felt extremely anxious, sick, couldn't sleep, but at the time I had no clue it was because of Lexapro.

 

I would advise to hold for a while at the dose  you currently are. Listen to the mods here, they really know what they are doing!

 

We will survive, and succeed. Peace & patience!

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Mentor

I am currently on 15mg/ day Lexapro. Taking it at 3PM. After reading here about Active Ingredient Concentration (AIC) as you instructed me @brassmonkey I noticed how consistency is one of the main things in this game.

 

I wonder if it would be better to take my 15mgai Escitalopram pill together with food, and the same food everyday? I've been having a slice of bread with it, sometimes my stomach is empty at that time other than that slice of bread.

 

Would really appreciate any suggestion on how to be more consistent and what foods would be better to consume together with the pill + overall. Thanks in advance everyone!

 

Peace and healing

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Mentor

Screenshot_20210224-040114.jpg

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On 1/30/2021 at 9:05 AM, Gardenlife said:

i would try like St John’s wort. But not anytime soon. 

 

Yeah, I can't recommend this, if you have had severe withdrawals.

Same receptors, neurotransmitters as most SSRI's.  Maybe  5-10 years after your withdrawal is through, and all your sensitivities and symptom inventories have shaken out, and you've learned to manage stressors - but then, by then, you likely won't need it.

Sure it's milder.

A better answer would have been - back in the day if it was the first thing I tried, before my neurotransmitters got fiddled - it would have been a good idea then.

Now, post withdrawal, not so much.

I've been suggesting saffron for depression to help my friends stay off the drugs.  But again, they are experiencing depression, not withdrawal.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On 2/9/2021 at 5:50 AM, Yesyes123 said:

I would really like to talk to more people who were on escitalopram (Lexapro)

 
Hey YesYes - as you go through this you will realise that it doesn't really matter whether it was this drug or that one.

Someone on Prozac can have extremely similar symptoms - or a similar life story of being drugged for being a teenager - or be Spanish speaking - or any other number of qualities that you share.

This drug or that one - they fiddle your neurotransmitters in slightly different ways - but the effects are the same.

Here is a partial list of common symptoms for ALL types of antidepressant (and some would say all psych drugs, too) withdrawal:
 


Read around the forum  and you will find plenty in common with others here.  Some things will be different, different clusters of symptoms - but the Windows and Waves pattern of healing seems to be very universal, as well as Neuro-emotion (chemically amplified emotions).  

What makes Lexapro special is that it is strong.  What makes Effexor (Cymbalta, antipsychotics) special is that it hits multiple neurotransmitters.  What makes Paxil a bear is the short half life.  These are details which affect how you taper the drug - but not the experience of Withdrawal University.

The human bits are the same for all of these drugs.  

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Just stopping by to send care and concern.

 

Much love,

Crochet

2012-present - Escitalopram currently 2.55 mg

Supplements:  Daytime- Green Lipped Mussel 1200mg, Omega-3s 1710mg, Wheat Germ Oil 770mg, Sodium Butyrate 1.2g, Phosphatidylcholine 2600mg, Multi-Min 2 tablets, Liposomal Glutathione 4 pumps, Probiotic 1 capsule, Beyond Balance herbal tinctures for lyme and gut healing (including one only taken during menstruation); Nighttime - L-theanine 200mg, melatonin 1mg, magnesium glycinate 400mg.

History:

2012-2017- Escitalopram 10mg

2017-2020 - Escitalopram 5mg

07/2019-11/2019 - Valium 10mg, every 2-3 days, then stopped

11/2020 - Stopped Escitalopram 5mg abruptly (crashed January 2021)

1/2021-12/2021 - Escitalopram Reinstated 2.5mg to 5 to 10 to 7.5 and then started slow taper

1/2021-2/2021 - Ativan .5mg - Took 13.5 pills over the course of 22 days and stopped

2/2021-9/2021  Hydroxyzine - 50-100mg tapering down to .8mg, then cross-tapered to Claritin and stopped

9/2021-9/2022 - Claritin 5 mg (tapered off)

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  • Mentor

Hello, I have a problem that I really need help with.

 

My Gemini-20 scale arrived today in the mail. It does not seem to be working properly though.

 

It will indicate a weight, and then that weight will keep going down by the second.

 

I placed it in a flat surface, calibrated it, there's no wind or nothing.

 

Here's a video I made of how it's behaving:

 

 

@brassmonkey Is it a problem in my scale? 

 

Thanks so much. 

 

 

 

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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