ThereAndBackAgain: Citalopram, Withdrawal, Nerve Damage and Hope. I could do with some of that at the end.

[ThereAndBackAgain]

Call me Chris. I've been Citalopram free for 7 months now. At peak usage I was taking 40mg for about 2 years and gradually fought the dosage down. The last 5 years were a gradual reduction at whatever rate I could endure, I believed the data I was presented about there being no withdrawal. So I went down in 10mg,5mg then in whatever fraction seemed doable. The last 5 year run was long and hard and I mixed dope and sex to ease the process. ( Not a good idea, to say the least ). I've been free of Citalopram for 240 days, Dope for about 50 days and Sex for 400 days or so. I'm grinding along in the Hell zone. Anxiety, Depression, De-motivated and Despairing. Sometimes better sometimes almost OK.

Today I had my first ever MRI. They're looking for a cause of my Tinittus which increased in loudness as the dosage dropped as well as intense ear pain. Also a green glow...like retinal burn in my vision. The MRI's noise prompted an out of body experience and I was shaking after several minutes. I have Hyperacusis....the noise was well indescribable.

I've sort of given up on most things I don't really see how I come back from this. However being a stubborn focused type I've dug in remembering that Suicide is the wrong answer, in effect Suicide solves non of my problems and would destroy people close to me.

There are a few lines of inquiry I am following to see why my mood was always tending to the low, Chemical Intolerance, Trauma and maybe Autism.

 

Does anyone have any info re nerve damage and recovery? Related to Tinnitus and Retina damage?

Does anyone have any pointers to peoples stories relating to long haul recovery?

 

 

Edited January 15, 2021 by manymoretodays
name to title, tag

[manymoretodays]

Hello ThereAndBackAgain,

And welcome.

 

Oh my, don't give up on most things.  There often seems to be a huge time feature to healing, or at least there was for me, and others that I have worked with, either directly or indirectly.

We've got some topics going on some of your current symptoms, and I can link you to those now:

Tinnitus: What does all that noise mean

Hearing things-could be your drugs

 

Vision symptoms: floaters, snow, , blurred/dimmed vision, dry eyes and pain

 

And then I don't know how familiar you are with our site, but we do have a forum devoted to Success Stories too

Success stories: Recovery from Withdrawal

 

Dr. Glenmullen's Withdrawal Symptom Checklist

 

I had many symptoms, while in acute withdrawal, that have slowly but surely gotten better.  I still have a bit of tinnitus when stressed, much less sensitive to lights and sounds than I once was.  I had an optometrist tell me I had astigmatism at one point, but when I saw an Opthamologist more recently, he said that I did not.  So that was a relief.

And by acute, for me, it was a year or two really, until I began to really get that sense of recovery from my drugs that had been prescribed.  I did taper off the last two, much more cautiously, as by then, I was aware of more harm reduction practices than what any of my prescribers or doctors ever suggested.

And then keep in mind, that we are all different, with different histories, bodies, spirits, etc.

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

This outlines a more harm reduction model of tapering.  And hopefully, when done carefully, and then with support as well, maybe in the future so many won't have to go through what you and I have had too.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

Brain remodeling

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made.  The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur. And sleep is really important during withdrawal.  Insomnia is no small deal. 

 

The neuroemotions, as we call them, can be fierce, and yet even those, for me, at this point in time are so much better.

The Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

 

Has there been any improvement, since you have been off the citalopram?

Even incremental?

 

*Please summarize your withdrawal history in your signature

^ and this will be so helpful, just go to the link above ^

this is the section that you see below others posts, and is not the same as what you filled out initially, your profile

then, wherever you post, on site, others have a context as to your history as well

 

I know I haven't directly answered some of your questions, and you find that you can heal, and be quite unlabeled going forward.  I guess that's something that we each discover for ourselves.

On 1/14/2021 at 5:59 AM, ThereAndBackAgain said:

There are a few lines of inquiry I am following to see why my mood was always tending to the low, Chemical Intolerance, Trauma and maybe Autism.

 

Are you taking any supplements or on any other medications right now?

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system.   If starting either one, just start one at a time, single ingredient supplement, and start low, and then observe. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Welcome aboard ThereAndBackAgain.

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you from the start here, with information and links.  You can just have them here for reference now too.

 

This is your introduction/journal page where you have now introduced yourself to the community, you can ask questions here , give updates, and just keep a record of your journey.

 

Hope and healing.

Love, peace, healing again....., and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

[ThereAndBackAgain]

Thankyou. I will reply fully tomorrow, experiencing some hope right now. Also various neuro-emotions, Tinnitus, Visual Snow and I think Vertigo slapping me awake.

I must get to sleep, wish me luck and anyone reading this feel free to pray for me. I've returned to prayer after a very very long break. It's clear to me that reality is so wonderfully dynamic and mysterious.

I will do a full history of my pill experience later, I must face my fear....sleep!

[ThereAndBackAgain]

I'm trying one lat night with Valium to try and get a good nights sleep. I had a migraine this evening cant remember last time that happened. MAybe stress maybe that nibble on a Ginger Biscuit. It was all tracking reasonably until the Mometonase and the MRI last week. I'm so bloody wired it's untrue, anyhow I have 5 day supply of Valium. I have to decide if I sleep well tonight about possibly going back on a maintenence dose of Zoloft maybe? I had that in my twenties and came off it back then cold Turkey no problems...it was the 90's it was the advice they gave.

I'm having blurred vision, light sensitivity...berserk tinnitus although thank god the Hyperacusis is calming down

I'm wondering if I'm one of those people with a dodgy brain leading to Visual Snow and Tinnitus, either Genetic, caused by Citalopram or anti-biotic usage.

 

I'm calling a friend for some ideas....going to take my 2 Valium and hope to get 6 hours sleep.

 

If anyones got any ideas please let me know....anyone here with Visual Snow and Tinnitus? Migraine? Also any one with the data on what the likely cause

of the Tinnitus and Visual Snow is? It's such a suggestive combination.

Looks likely I'm going back on AD's and that I have an underlying condition, possibly in my brain to contend with.

 

May God keep you well.

[Kostas]

Hi, 

Have a look to a thread by Jason, who has experienced visual problems like yours. 

 

[Lostinwonderland]

Vision problems and tinnitus are common in wothdrawal they will fade with time.