MY story BRapsidy

[BRapsidy]

I am so glad I found this site!! I will try to be short with my story. When I was in high school I went through some depression while dealing with my mother who was diagnosid with bipolar disorder. After about 6 months or so I sucessfully stopped taking Prozac without any side effects. I was off all AD medications until about 2002. I began having anxiety and panic attacks, at the time I did not know what was going on I just new I was sick and dying. When I went to my GP she ran some tests and concluded I had anxiety and put me on Paxil. I stayed on Paxil for about a year until my major stressers were resolved. I tappered of of Paxil without any issues. Around 2005 I wanted to stop smoking so the doctor put me on Zyban, which again I tolerated fine coming on and getting off and I have been a nonsmoker since I have been off of AD since then. When I had my third c-section I had a lot of anxiety with my recovery and my OBGYN put me on 25mg of Zoloft, a small dose and I am thankful for that! I decided I wanted to get off of Zoloft after my 6 week check up since my health was fine and most of my anxiety was surrounding that one issue. I asked my OBGYN how to safetly come off of Zoloft and she told me to take a pill every other day for several weeks and then a pill every third day for several weeks and so on till I was down to one pill a week.

Once I began the every third day part of my taper everything went down hill. These are the symptoms I started to have

 

Deep Depression-new; crying all the time

Unexplained Anger - new

High Anxiety – worse than original anxiety

Loss of Appetite – lost 8 pounds in a week

Burning sensation – new

Depersonalization/disassociation – new

Loss of Emotion- new

High blood pressure – new

High heart rate – new

Insomnia – new

Fatigue - new

 

During this time the doctors told me to start taking a half pill of Zoloft everyday and eventually they told me to go back to the full dose everyday, this was over a course of 3 days. Long story short, after a week of ER visits not knowing what was going on, the ER doctor admitted me into the cardio unit since my scariest (to him) complaint was the heart palpitations and my high blood pressure, they ran tests and everything was normal. I refused to leave the hospital till I spoke with a Psychiatrist since the only thing new in my life that had not been explored was the Zoloft. It was then that I was told I had a dramatized serotonin withdrawal syndrome and it would be 4-7 weeks (or longer)\ before I was better. He then told me to just quit cold turkey since I had already done some tapering and that my symptoms would probably just get worse if I was to start back up again. I had three pretty good days, I was sleeping, the burning was gone, and I seemed to be able to interact with my family a bit more.

My father decided to fly in to help out with the kids while I recovered and rested up. Three days after my dad got here I was then diagnosed with a potinital of having Lyme’s disease and was put on Amoxicillin, but after two days of that they put me on Doxycycline. Within 6 days of being on the antibiotic my symptoms all started coming back full force. I went to my GP and he took me off of the antibiotics and within 3 days some of my symptoms have subsided.

 

My last dose of Zoloft was on May 13th; my symptoms now:

 

Deep Depression – almost gone, I still have moments where I cry and I feel sad off and on durning the day

, but I think that is due to feeling guilty about taking Zoloft in the first place and feeling like I lost 3 weeks of my kids life.

Unexplained Anger - My husand is happy that for the most part my bursts of Anger have gone away!

High Anxiety - still there strong in the mornings and a few episodes throughout the day.

Loss of Appetite – Some days I feel like eating and other days I have to remind myself to eat.

Burning Sensations – Not there all the time, but if I take an over-the-counter medicine it will start back up again and on ocassion I will get mild burning here and there without any medication being taken.

Depersonalization/disassociation – almost gone. I have had moments where I need to withdrawal myself into my room for a few hours, but it is not all day like it was a week ago. Mostly when the kids get really loud and have a lot of energy.

Loss of Emotion - mostly gone. I find myself laughing and enjoying my family more each day, but there are still times I feel no emotions at all. Hardest symptom for me to deal with.

High blood pressure – still having problems with this, especially if I take a medication for headaches or really anything. I still get several episodes of palpitations throughout the day as well.

High heart rate – heart rate is normal now

Insomnia – I can sleep through the night

Fatigue – Still tired most of the day and feel like I never slept the night before.

 

I think it helps me to make a list of my symptoms when all this started and see how I have improved. I hope over the next few weeks all the remaining symptoms will begin to disappear. It would be nice to be able to take Tylenol for the headaches. I only take about 1/3 a tablet if the headaches get really bad. I know that there are many people out there that these symptoms last so much longer before they see any window of improvement, so I consider myself lucky that I have come this far. I just can’t wait for the day I wake up and I am back to the person I was before I started taking Zoloft. I will have 4 decent days and I begin to think yes I am seeing the end and then wham I wake up the next morning feeling I just took 5 gigantic leaps backwards

Now I fear that my 2nd Lyme's disease test will come back with a stronger positive and they will have to put me back on the antibiotics, which might cause all my symptoms to come back stronger again. I am scared to take ANY medication, even vitamins!!! My GP has no idea why I am still reacting to all these medications and how long these reactions will last. I hope when I am feeling down I can look at my improvement and it will help me to feel better about my situation.

[annej]

Dear BRapsidy,

 

I am so sorry that you went through all of this, especially so soon after the birth of your third child.

 

I am very pleased to hear that your symptoms are starting to subside. I am amazed that the psychiatrist you saw in the hospital did not put you on the famous psych drug "merry-go-round. This happens to people all the time! You are most fortunate.

 

I do not know if there is any scientific studies that explain the mechanism by which people become sensitized to other medications such as antibiotics, over the counter meds, vitamins/supplements after being exposed to psych meds. There are many, many people who complain of this phenomenon (med sensitization) after being exposed to psych meds. Some people even complain of worsening of withdrawal symptoms with certain foods, cosmetics, etc. There are theories circulating on the Internet as to why this happens, but the reasons behind this are not backed by any research that I am aware of.

 

My sincere hope is that your test for Lyme disease comes out favorably. :)Many hugs, Annej

[Altostrata]

BRapsidy, welcome to our community.

 

It sounds to me like your nervous system is somewhat sensitized by withdrawal syndrome. It's a good sign that symptoms are getting weaker.

 

How much sleep are you getting? Do you have a wave of anxiety in the morning?

[BRapsidy]

Thank you Annej,

 

I do consider myself lucky that the Psychiatrist at the hospital did not add any other drug as well. He asked me if I planned on staying on any AD medication and I told him no. I felt like I had been fine for the 6 years or so I was off the Paxil and as long as I could get back to the person I was then I did not see a need for psychiatric medication. I am just wondering if my body will be able to except other medications as time goes on or am I going to have these sensitivities for life? I am thinking about doing the DNA testing for drug sensitivities since prior to all of this I had problems with Tylenol 3, Percocet, vicodin - these were discovered while recovering from my first 2 c-sections, diladin - found out my system does not like this one during my 3rd c-section. It sucks trying to heal from major surgery when you cannot take pain meds lol. Good thing I have a high pain tolerance. I can’t even take my prenatal vitamin since the Niacin in it causes me to flush, which causes me to flush (never did this prior to AD meds) and triggers my anxiety.

[BRapsidy]

Altostrata,

I am getting about 7-8 hours of sleep, as long as the baby lets me. I used to be able to nap, but so far have been unable to do that. When all of this first started I was sleeping maybe 2-3 hours a night. I do still have moderate to high anxiety in the mornings, but there have been a few mornings where I have actually woke up and been able to smile.

[Altostrata]

That's a very good sign. Take care of your sleep. You may wish to put in blackout curtains or shades to reduce the morning anxiety, which is triggered by morning light.

 

The more you can reduce this kind of stimulation, the more you're helping your nervous system heal.

 

By testing drug sensitivities, do you mean like this http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2158-genesightrx ?

 

Your nervous system may have been left hypersensitive because of your earlier history of going on and off antidepressants. This does fade, but you may need to be careful for some time.

 

If I were you, I'd avoid all psychiatric drugs in the future. Once you have a severe reaction, you tend to be hypersensitive and unexpected things occur.

 

The alternating doses is a very bad way to go off psychiatric drugs. I hope you let your doctor know about this.

[BRapsidy]

Yes I was thinking about doing a test like that. I know it cannot help me now that I am going through withdrawal, but since I have had issues with medication prior to this I thought it might be a benefit to see what the test revels. A lot of my family on my father’s side has problems with drug sensitivity as well as anxiety. I have not done a lot of research on it as of yet, but my goal is to look into it over the next few weeks and decide if I should do the test or not. It looks like there is already a lot of info here for me to look at. How do I begin to know when my body will be able to handle medications again? I guess just start off slow and see how I react.

I have noticed that my anxiety and depression are more intense depending on my environment when I wake up. If it is dark from stormy weather and the house is relatively calm then I have a better morning, but if the sun is bright and the kids wake me up by running into the room, then my anxiety and depression are far more extreme and it takes about an hour or more to get out of it.

[Altostrata]

Give your nervous system a break and put up light-blocking shades or curtains, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/555-tips-to-help-sleep-so-many-of-us-have-withdrawal-insomnia

 

Also see Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

[Jemima]

I have noticed that my anxiety and depression are more intense depending on my environment when I wake up. If it is dark from stormy weather and the house is relatively calm then I have a better morning, but if the sun is bright and the kids wake me up by running into the room, then my anxiety and depression are far more extreme and it takes about an hour or more to get out of it.

 

This was the worst part of withdrawal for me. It took me a while to recognize what was going on, because instead of feeling anxious or depressed, I was extremely irritable which didn't match up with what other people were saying about symptoms of elevated Cortisol levels. Once it dawned on me, I got a sleep mask, kept the bedroom as dark as possible, and kept the curtains drawn throughout the house on sunny days and things began to improve from there. Being able to sleep is a very big part of healing from these drugs, so IMO it's a very good sign that you're able to sleep through the night.

 

There's a lot of information on this and other withdrawal problems under "Symptoms and what helps". Welcome, and I hope that you find this site to be a reliable source of support and comfort, as I have.

[Nikki]

Hi BRapsdy....

 

You just had a baby. Lots of hormonal changes. I had post partum depression.

Sleep kind of goes out the window with babies. That's a contribution to fatigue.

 

The instructions you were given to get off Zoloft sounds like it really set you off for the wd. I really feel for you.

 

I recently had to take the antibiotics you mentioned for diverticulitis. I was not withdrawing as you are, and they made me feel horrible. They caused anxiety. I was a wreck from them. As soon as I stopped I felt better. I used to have my friend in CT remind me almost every day...."It's the antibiotics" to help settle me down.

They caused candida which contributes to brain fog and fatigue.

 

I always had sensitivities, but I am convinced that these meds particularly the ssri's created alot more.

 

You have alot going on. I admire your determination. Sometimes going back on or up in dose in a small amoumt can help.

 

Hang in there:)

[BRapsidy]

I think I will have to give the sleep mask a try to help with the morning anxiety. I need to get that under control as my kids have a hard time understanding why mommy needs to have time to her self in order to face the day or why mommy needs to isolate herself from time to time.

 

Nikki it is nice to know that I am not the only one who has such intense reactions to antibiotics. My GP had a hard time believing that the medication was causing such symptoms as high blood pressure, heart palpitations, burning sensations, and bringing back my anxiety and depression to the levels it was when I first got off of Zoloft. He finally believed me when I came back to the office several days after discontinuing the antibiotics and my blood pressure was back to normal and he could tell I was a lot calmer. Before I found this group I still was unsure if the withdrawals were causing the interaction with other medications and he had no answers. I finally asked him, “well if your wife or kids were having these problems who would you go to find the answers?” He then looked at me and said he would do all he could to find out any information for me. He then said that I make him want to be a better doctor and do more for his patients. I took that as a compliment and I am so glad I kept hounding him and providing him with all the information I could find on withdrawal. He finally believes me and what I say. He also seems to have no problem with me being an active participant in my health care, other doctors in the same practice just kept rolling their eyes at me. I finally feel like I am being heard for the first time.

 

Thank you all for your warm welcome. I have found a lot of information already on this site and I look forward to finding even more info to help further me in my recovery. I also am so glad to find a place where people understand what I have gone through and continue to go through. My husband has been really supportive and patient with me; he helps me with my set backs, as well as celebrating in my progress, but it is nice to hear from people who are going through the same type of struggles you are going through and who have a better understanding of what you are going through. I tell him so many times I just wish you could see inside my head for five minutes so you could really know what I am going through.

[Jemima]

I think I will have to give the sleep mask a try to help with the morning anxiety. I need to get that under control as my kids have a hard time understanding why mommy needs to have time to her self in order to face the day or why mommy needs to isolate herself from time to time.

 

The sleep mask is the fastest and cheapest way to tackle the problem, but if you can, darken your bedroom windows as much as possible, too. I was fortunate to already have old "room-darkening" draperies in the bedroom (I'm guessing this is what is meant by "blackout curtains"), but the bath directly off my bedroom had no curtains at all and that side of the house is where the sun rises. (I left the bathroom door open because the cat's litter pan resides there.) I was barely functional at the time I became aware of this problem, so the best I could do was to cover the bathroom window with black plastic garbage bags, move the litter pan to the bedroom every night, shut the door, and block the wide crack under the door with towels. It was ugly and inconvenient, but it worked and I learned to live with it as a temporary fix. (There is now a more traditional blackout cafe curtain and valance set on the window.)

 

 

Nikki it is nice to know that I am not the only one who has such intense reactions to antibiotics. My GP had a hard time believing that the medication was causing such symptoms as high blood pressure, heart palpitations, burning sensations, and bringing back my anxiety and depression to the levels it was when I first got off of Zoloft.

I was sensitive to antibiotics long before withdrawal from Lexapro. I became allergic to penicillin in childhood and as an adult, I get suicidally depressed fron tetracycline. Some antibiotics don't bother me at all. I took Azithromycin while still on antidepressants and had no adverse reactions whatever. (Note that the lung infection for which this drug was prescribed was caused by Remeron and Pristiq, both of them antidepresssants.)

 

A friend of mine who has been on Prozac for years got dosed up on antibiotics when she couldn't get over some sort of flu-ish condition last fall and ended up with high blood pressure. I told her it would go away once the antibiotic got out of her system, but I'm not sure she believed me. She's about ten years older than me and was raised to respect doctors without question, and her GP is a lot too free with the prescription pad for my taste. I'm a child of the sixties, and God bless my avant-garde college, learned to question nearly everything as a young adult.

 

 

He finally believed me when I came back to the office several days after discontinuing the antibiotics and my blood pressure was back to normal and he could tell I was a lot calmer. Before I found this group I still was unsure if the withdrawals were causing the interaction with other medications and he had no answers. I finally asked him, “well if your wife or kids were having these problems who would you go to find the answers?” He then looked at me and said he would do all he could to find out any information for me. He then said that I make him want to be a better doctor and do more for his patients. I took that as a compliment and I am so glad I kept hounding him and providing him with all the information I could find on withdrawal. He finally believes me and what I say. He also seems to have no problem with me being an active participant in my health care, other doctors in the same practice just kept rolling their eyes at me. I finally feel like I am being heard for the first time.

 

Thank you all for your warm welcome. I have found a lot of information already on this site and I look forward to finding even more info to help further me in my recovery. I also am so glad to find a place where people understand what I have gone through and continue to go through. My husband has been really supportive and patient with me; he helps me with my set backs, as well as celebrating in my progress, but it is nice to hear from people who are going through the same type of struggles you are going through and who have a better understanding of what you are going through. I tell him so many times I just wish you could see inside my head for five minutes so you could really know what I am going through.

 

Both your doctor and hubby sound like gems. That helps quite a lot! I also wish that I could sometimes make a friend sit in my brain and experience withdrawal for a few minutes. Having one's brain function rearranged by antidepressants and then getting off them and suffering through the repair work as the brain returns to normal is nearly indescribable.

 

I'm pleased that you came back. Some people just seem to disappear after the first post or two.

[elizabeth11]

BRapsidy-

 

Welcome. Congrats on baby #3. You sound like you have your head beautifully screwed on and are on the way to feeling better and are actively dealing with your situation.

 

You are very impressive with your drive to find answers.

 

Elizabeth

[BRapsidy]

Jemima,

 

I do not think I would have made it through the first two weeks all this was going on if it were not for my husband he truly is a gem

Like I said I am so glad I found this forum. I might not be able to post or check everyday, with three kids it is kind of tough to get a moment alone, but I will continue to try to be an active member.

 

Elizabeth11,

 

Thank you for your words of encouragment. Most days I feel like I am just floating through my life and it takes all I can to be an active participant.

[BRapsidy]

Hi there,

 

I know it has been awhile since I have been on the discussion board, sorry about that. I have found that it is difficult to get a moment to myself with three kids, one of them being a 5 month old. I had been doing really well and most of my symptoms had either gone away or had subsided to a level which I could tolerate and live life. But all of that has changed in the last two days. A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with a UTI and given antibiotics, which I handled really well. Handling the medications gave me a new found hope that the worst was truly behind me. Then last week I was diagnosed with Strep Throat and given another antibiotic in the same family. I gave it no thought when I started this round of medication. Monday and Tuesday (six days after starting this round) were complete hell for me. A lot of my symptoms came back. I had high blood pressure, anxiety, tightening in my chest, burning sensations, basically a full blown panic attack. I have not felt this bad in over a month. It started about 20 minutes after taking the medicine and did not let up till about an hour and a half after the medicine had been in my system. After looking up the medication I found out that the half-life is about an hour, which would explain why I started feeling better in that time frame. I really do not want to continue my medication, as you can imagine it is hard to get through the storm of reactions when I need to be focusing on my children. I am so tired of dealing with this; I really thought I was past it all. I am also waiting on blood test results; I had graves disease and have been on synthroid since my radioactive iodine treatment. I know that too high of levels can also cause a lot of these symptoms as well. I just want to be back to my old self again. I am so mad at myself!!! Sorry to vent, but I feel this really is the only place where people really understand what I am going through and do not think I am making it all up.

[Gladstone]

Don't be mad at yourself. Picking up different bugs is par for the course when we have kids. I have had some pretty bizarre reactions from the newer antibiotics, including a hunger so ravenous (I swear) I yanked the door open to the pizza delivery guy and barked,"Where the hell have you BEEN?" and opened the box and started eating while the poor kid was still making change. Darn medication.

 

I don't have any advice except to say that this too shall pass. In the mean time take care of yourself. It will get better, and here you're among friends.

[BRapsidy]

Thank you Gladstone. I never had sensitivity to any antibiotics or OTC Medicines.

 

I have been off of the antibiotics since last Tuesday and it took me till Thursday to begin to feel better. Friday was better, but the evening was filled with heavy emotional sadness and disappointment that I went through another wave/storm of symptoms. I had about 4 weeks without any really tough moments, only mildly annoying symptoms that I could deal with and continue with my life. This last wave lasted about 4 days. I did find out that my thyroid levels were a bit high; normally this would not have affected me (hoping that this was the cause) so I reduced from 225mcg of synthroid to 212mcg. I stopped taking my synthroid all together for a few days just to get a head start on lowering the levels out. I really hope that this last wave was more to do with my thyroid, but it just seems odd that every time I take anything I get all of my symptoms back. Will I ever be able to take a headache medicine without fearing its affects or take an antibiotic without all the crazy adverse side affects?

 

I am trying to remind myself that my symptoms could be a lot worse. I am able to get out of bed and take care of my three children, feed them breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Before my father had to come stay with us and do all of that for me. I am able to engage with my family and find pleasure in that, I can laugh with friends and find good in day to day life. As of right now I only have mild palpitations, only few anxiety moments during the day and that only lasts for 15 minutes or so, rather than the hours and hours, and my headaches have not really let up much. Most of my panic seems to come from wondering when the next storm will come or if that feeling I just felt is the start of 4 days of hell. Everytime I think I have turned a corner and can consider myself a sucess story I am back in the storm. Lets just hope I can stay healthy and will not have a need for anymore antibiotics.

[Altostrata]

Do what you can to stay calm and not anticipate a bad wave. Accept it for now that you're healing and it will take time -- give yourself a break, you've done something that's very difficult.

[BRapsidy]

Thank you Alto. I really do try to live in the moment when I am having a good few days in a row. My kids kind of make it hard not to live in the moment. I guess I just worry about the waves because I have 3 children, 1 which is only 5 months old, that I take care of full time. My hubby works about 2 hours away from here, and I really have no day to day support. so having the bad days comes at a price to my kids, which leads to an over flow of guilty feelings. I am so inspired by all of you and what you all have gone through. I am just now in my 3rd month and I know that I have come very far compared to some(I think because I only was on Zoloft for about 8 weeks). Everyday I come on here to read someone else’s story to get inspired and to see that life is not hopeless. I can get through this and most days I actually believe it.

 

Today was a bad day and when I have these on the weekends I can find the time to take care of myself, but during the week day’s time to myself is a miracle. I promised to take the boys bowling since we have free summer bowling program here, bad mistake. Never knew how hard it was to try to control the anxiety when all you hear around you is large bowling balls being dropped on a constant bases and pins being knocked down. I wish I knew what set it off today. I took 1/2 an ibuprofen for a headache. In the past month or so I had been able to tolerate a whole one, but since this last episode I am reluctant to do a whole pill. I also took my synthroid, I reinstated that 3 days ago. The thing is neither of these could be a factor in what came over me today. I could just be desperate to find an outside cause in the hopes of trying to prevent it from happening again. It is so hard to see through your anxiety, to remember that there is an end at some point when you’re in it. Palpitations, chest tightening, high blood pressure, burning sensation, and all the thoughts that come with that are just so overwhelming. My panic attacks were never like this. When I was nervous I would go outside, walk around for about 15 minutes and be ok. Now I would give anything to have my old anxiety back. What will happen to my kids if I can't come out of this? They do not need to witness this they are to young. However, I did manage to pull through it without my kids even noticing what was going on with me this time that by far is a huge step. Usually I just leave wherever we are at and come home to confine myself to the bedroom and put a movie on for them to watch. This time I was able to get through it and not ruin my kid’s day by having to leave the bowling alley. Thankfully my baby is so easy going and still takes two long naps a day and now it is nap time for the all the kids. I will try to get some rest so I am rejuvenated for the second half of the day.

[Skyler]

Thank you Alto. I really do try to live in the moment when I am having a good few days in a row.

 

What will happen to my kids if I can't come out of this? They do not need to witness this they are to young. However, I did manage to pull through it without my kids even noticing what was going on with me this time that by far is a huge step. Usually I just leave wherever we are at and come home to confine myself to the bedroom and put a movie on for them to watch. This time I was able to get through it and not ruin my kid’s day by having to leave the bowling alley. Thankfully my baby is so easy going and still takes two long naps a day and now it is nap time for the all the kids. I will try to get some rest so I am rejuvenated for the second half of the day.

 

You will get thru it, and when your kids are adults, you will have a valuable time of your life to open with them, explore.. a journey for them to admire. For now, the movies are a good idea. Do you have a pool nearby?.. would that be too noisy or strenuous I wonder. Glad it is better for you on the weekends. ~S

[BRapsidy]

Thank You Schuyler. My husband keeps reminding me that they are young and will probably not remember all of this, and boy do I hope so. When I was in 6th grade my mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I watched her go through so much. I do not want to do that to my children. I am thankfull that my oldest is only 6 and even if he does remember all of this then it will be just oh yeah I remember when mom was sick with a cold for awhile.

 

I have taken them to the pool a couple of times, but when I am going through my waves I do not feel safe taking them there since neither one of them know how to swim and I need to be on top of them. Plus if it is too hot I do not feel comfortable having the baby outside and I was told sunscreen is a no, no until 6 months old. I do try to take them out to shaded parks that not many people go to when the weather is nice. Those seem to be the best days. I can sit and watch them play and not feel guilty that they have watched tv and played video games all day. This is not the summer I had planned for them.

 

I also wonder if some of my depression and anxiety is worse since I did have a baby. Do I have a bit of postpardum along with the WD?

[tezza]

Hi bRapsidy,

 

I had postpartum depression with my first child. I hope you don't have it, but I don't know how you would be able to know or not. Sounds like you are a very good mother and I'm sure that's what your children will remember the most.

 

My mother was hospitalized when I was in sixth grade, too. It was very sad so I can relate.

 

Love and well wishes,

 

Tezza

[BRapsidy]

Tezza I also believe I had postpartum with my first baby, but not with my 2nd. This time around I am going through so much that I wonder if postpartum is also attributing to everything. Thank you for your kind words!! Right now it is hard to feel like a good mom. Before all of this started I could say yes most of the time I feel like I am doing a good job. I seemed to have more patients and understanding. I wanted to get them out of the house to explore life and its endless adventures. Now even on good days I just want to stay inside just so nothing slips me back into anxiety mode. I feel like I am shorter with them and have little tolerance for the fighting that siblings do. It is hard to keep up with a 6 year olds inquisitive mind and the constant needs of a 3 year old on top of on demand breastfeeding of a 5 month old. On good days even if I can't get out I do try to take advantage and play games with them, sing songs, and just be silly together. I hope those are the memories they will keep with them. Sometimes I am amazed I made it through another day when the hubby walks through the door. I keep reminding myself that the first year of a childs life is the hardest and right now I am in survival mode LOL

 

My mome was institutanalized several times and even went through Electro Shock Therapy. It is difficult for a child to witness and I remember all the emotional trauma it caused me. I do not want to do that to my children. I have to remind myself that what I am going through is temparary and not long term like my mother. It helps to know that there are others out there that have gone through what I have and survived. sorry to go on. I now must get the day started.

[Altostrata]

BR, are you taking a lot of good strong fish oil http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/ ? Sipping magnesium citrate in ice water can also help the anxiety surges.

[BRapsidy]

Alto I have thought about it, but everything that I take has set me back into or close to where I was when I first got off of Zoloft. I am so afraid to take anything that when I have a headache I take my kids Tylenol or only 1/3 of an adult Tylenol; I used to have to take 2-3 pills. I know it sounds crazy but even just that small amount will get rid of my headaches and anything more will cause panic, anxiety, my blood pressure to go up from 117/79 to 150/96, and burning sensations. When all of this happens I feel like I am going crazy. I usually know when it will all subside and it is usually around the half life of the drug. At least I am saving money on OTC medicines. Even my prenatal vitamins I was taking throughout my pregnancy cause me to flush from the niacin, which I never had before all of this. I have also had problems with my synthroid, if my thyroid levels get even a tad bit high I get anxiety. My doctor says it is all in my head and has suggested benzo's or clonapine.The thing is when I am off all OTC medicines and stop taking antibiotics all my symptoms pretty much go away (after leaving my system) and I am fully functioning with just the tiniest of symptoms. The only person who believes me is my husband and that is because he sees it and can tell a difference. He has known me for 12 years, 10 of those years has been with no medicines other than my synthroid or the occasional antibiotic and he has told doctors that this is just not me and that something is wrong. I do try to get as much fish in me as possible though. Do you know if my sensitivities will go away over time or will I always be this sensitive? I know you cannot look into the future and know for sure, but I would like to hear what you think since my doctor seems to think it is not happening at all.

[Altostrata]

We know withdrawal-induced hypersensitivity only too well. Many of us experience this.

 

See these topics: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?app=core&module=search&do=search&fromMainBar=1

 

I only take a low-dose aspirin myself.

 

Still, a little fish oil might help your nervous system recover, start with a weaker type. Sipping magnesium citrate in ice water helps with anxiety surges and Epsom salts soaks (more magnesium) help with aches and muscle tension, also sleep.

[BRapsidy]

the link does not work, but i will look for mrdicine sensitivities

[Altostrata]

Sorry. Search for "hypersensitivity" (no quotes).

[BRapsidy]

Well I managed to some how survive a trip to the inlaws for a week. i did have a set back on Wed while getting all the kids together for pictures. I had sever vertigo/dizzy spells and a panic attack that left me in bed most of the day. Through out the week I experianced tightning of the chest and nervous twitches in my stomach along with other symptoms that were not too bad (just annoying). The only medicine I am on is synthroid and when I stop it for several days I see a decrease in my symptoms, but I know I need to take it so I start it back up again. Within a few days of being on my full dose my symptoms come back. I also know that these symptoms could have nothing to do with the synthroid itself. At least I am for the most part able to continue doing what I need to throughout the day while experiancing all of this, but I have to say I am getting worn down with it all. If I am having some sort of sensitivity to the synthroid I can't just stop taking it. Do I just power through the symptoms and hope my sensitivity goes away? Or is it just all in my head and have nothing to do with my medication? I am so tired of second guessing it all. I know I just need to ride out the waves and be thankful that I am doing as well as I am. I guess I always look to medication as the cause for all my symptoms, because in the past it has always been the cause.

[Altostrata]

Synthroid is activating, it could cause anxiety. A lower dose might be better for you. Needs change over time, too.

[BRapsidy]

Thank you Alto!! I just got my labs for my thyroid my Thyroxine (T4) Free, Direct was 1.56 with a range of .82-1.77 and my TSH was .334 range is .450-4.5 I was on 224mcg synthroid and when I spoke to my GP I told him that several people were shocked that I was on such a high dose and he agreed that not many people are on that high of a dose. I told him I would like to start over with a much lower dose to see what happens to my symptoms and he agreed to put me on 175mcg and to reevaluate in 6 weeks. I am feeling a lot better (no shaky feelings, anxiety, dizziness, or achy knees), but have been fighting allergies. I am really trying to make sure I do not get a sinus infection, because I do not want to introduce another antibiotic into my system right now. I am optimistic that I am beginning to see an end to my drug sensitivity since I am now able to handle a Tylenol without any side effects. I just need to start working on my anxiety and anger surrounding everything that I have been through in these last 5 months.

 

Right now I am feeling depressed because I am no longer able to breast feed my baby, my supply is practically gone. I worked so hard in the beginning to get my supply up and was doing really well. I was so proud to watch my baby grow and knowing I was providing her with all the healthy stuff she needed. Then Zoloft came into my life and all I wanted to do was get off of it, which sent me spiraling out of control. I was barely functioning and my husband had to remind me to feed her and when I just couldn't he supplemented with milk I had pumped before. Then I was put on Doxycycline, which you cannot breast feed while taking. So I was back to pumping and dumping causing my supply to further diminish. Now that I am functioning and feeling better I find that I am no longer producing milk and this is causing me so much pain and guilt, because all of this could have been prevented. With my first baby I only made it 6 weeks, the second baby 6 months. I was determined to make it a year with my last one and was rather optimistic. Sometimes I feel as if the universe is against me. My counselor says it is because I have high expectations for myself and I get disappointed when things fall short. My response: it’s not like I want to win the million dollar lottery, or have a grand house with lots of cars all I wanted was to provide for my baby and that was taken from me, because of a choice I MADE!! Sorry to go on but I think I have now hit the anger, grieving phase. My husband is so supportive and says all the right things, but I just cannot let go of the guilt. Again sorry to come on here and gripe about something as insignificant as breastfeeding. I should be happy that I am seeing an end in sight.

[BRapsidy]

Walked away from the computer and started thinking about my last post and feel bad that I am complaining about something so little when there are so many people who have gone through much more and I should just be happy for what I have. Note to self stop feeling sorry for yourself.

[BRapsidy]

So I have contact dermatitis. Not sure if the reaction came from a cleaning supply, new body wash, or something totally different. I have taken children’s allergy medicine to relieve the itching and the burning pain. I was tolerating the lower dose really well and needed to make sure I got some sleep tonight so I took a bit more (still within the normal dosing range) then I have been and now I am high with anxiety and can't sleep. I am so tired of thinking my body is back to normal and I can start taking basic medications the way I have always done in the past. Now I am going to be up and stir crazy for the next few hours until some of this medication processes through my body. I am really trying to keep it together and remind myself that this is the medication and I am fine. My blood pressure was high, but seems to be coming back to normal range finally. Now if the jittery feelings would just go away I could maybe go to sleep..ugh!!!

[BRapsidy]

Another sleepless night under my belt. How am I going to function tomorrow with the kids? I am so tired of falling into the trap that things are getting better (so I start feeling optimistic) and then WHAM think again. I feel like my body is constantly being attacked right now. I get over one thing and feel fine for a few days then the next thing comes along. When is this going to stop? My hands are itchy and burning from this rash and now I have two more areas where the rash is breaking out. I took far less Benadryl tonight 1/2tsp of children’s strength and even though the effects are not nearly as bad as they were last night it is still enough to keep me up. But once the side effects are over the itching does go away. The relief is just not worth going through the anxiety and other things. Tomorrow no matter how bad the itching gets do not take anything!!! I just want to be back to me. I am scared that my husband is getting tired of it all. I know that he tells me all the right things, but when is he going to throw in the towel and give up on me? I know I am tired of me right now. I feel like I have become a failure in my life. To know that all of this pain could have been avoided just angers and saddens me more. I wish I knew how to let these emotions go, because I know in the long run holding on to them will only aid in my recovery taking longer.

I have only been going through this for almost 4 months now and I see others who have been dealing with this and far more for so much longer than me. Reading everyone’s stories and how they get through it one day or even one hour at a time gives me strength. I wish these people knew how much they have helped me in my time of need. I respect how hard it must be for you all to right down your stories. I can only hope that one day I can do the same for someone else.

Sorry to be down, but it is nice to have a place to come and express how I really feel. It’s funny, because if someone was looking at my facebook page they would never know that I was going through all of this. I always try to post only bright, happy thoughts since I have a lot of family on there. I do not like to worry them. This is the one place I feel I can really lay it all down on the line and know I will not be judged or seen as crazy. Thank you for providing me with a safety place to bring my thought onto paper.

[Altostrata]

BR, Benedryl can go paradoxical and keep you up. It sounds like this is what happened.

 

If you've still got the itchy rash, try taking a very low dose only in the morning so you can sleep at night.

 

I still recommend the fish oil and magnesium. The fish oil can help you heal.

 

When that psychiatrist said you had "dramatized serotonin withdrawal syndrome," what do you think he meant?

 

When you can, please put your withdrawal history in your signature -- instructions here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

[BRapsidy]

I went to the doctor and he gave me a topical cream for the rash on my hands. I have yeast/thrush under my arms so he gave me dyflucan for that. Hopefully this will clear all the rashes up.

 

I know I need to get some of the fish oil. I only have the anxiety when taking certain medications so when I am having no anxiety it slips my mind about the fish oil. I have been taking Epsom salts baths, which seem to relax me a bit :)Today I am feeling better with the anxiety, just tired from two bad nights of sleeping. I was worried about taking the dyflucan, but so far no reactions :)When I called the doctors office this morning the receptionist told me to stop putting anything on my skin and funny enough the itching and burning subsided a bit. He thinks that the OTC medicine was making the rash worse. I only took 1/2 a tsp of childrens Benedryl last night cannot believe so little would do that to me. I am going to jut put a little bit of the cream he prescribed on a tiny area and see how it does and sleep with cold compresses for now. I think I am pretty much done with taking the Benedryl for now.

 

The psychiatrist at the hospital just said that my body is going through withdrawl from discontinuing the zoloft and he said that he has only had one other patient who has had such a reaction as mine. He told me that it was uncommon and would last anywhere from 7 to 14 weeks. He told me that the other patient that had the withdrawls called his office almostdaily stating that he was poisining her. He said that I can become sensitive to medications and that he would not even recommend I take Benedryl for a while. What I got from our conversation was that I was not getting the seritonin that my body had become accustome to and that my body was going through withdrawls. He was only in my hospital room for about 15 minuts or so. He said that all of my symptoms coincide with too fast of a withdrawl and that reinstating might and probably would do more harm then good at that point. So I have been med free since May.