River78: I’ve been on more psychotropics than I can remember since the age of 14.

[River78]

Not sure how to make this post shorter, considering how much time has passed and how many different meds I’ve been on. 

 

I first got referred to a psychiatrist at the age of 14, for Clinical Depression. At the age of 15 I spent most of my days at an Eating Disorder Clinic, after being diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. Switched from antidepressant to antidepressant, mood stabiliser to mood stabiliser and never seemed to find the right fit, thought I was maybe just overly sensitive to negative side effects.

 

At the age of 19 I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and “suspected” Bipolar II because I experienced hypomania when having SSRI withdrawals, and again when I was on a high dose of Venlafaxine. I also got put on a Benzodiazepine for Anxiety, and got dependant on it for years, whenever I tried to stop taking it I’d get physically ill and have panic attacks all day. Eventually I tapered it off, although not as slowly as I should have, and got off them. 

 

At 21, I got diagnosed with C-PTSD.

 

I am now 22 and have recently changed psychiatrists, since the one I had would put me on a cocktail of meds. I’ve been prescribed Wellbutrin (bupropion), 150mg at first, and Latuda (lurasidone), 20mg. After a week, they upped my Bupropion to 300mg. I’ve experienced many unpleasant side effects, such as dizziness, headaches, increased heart rate, inability to sleep for more than 2-3h etc., since starting these medications.

 

Two days ago, just a few days after increasing my Bupropion dosage to 450mg, I had a seizure. I had never experienced that before. After reading about it, I found out that people with history of Anorexia or Bulimia should not take Bupropion since it does lower your seizure threshold. My psychiatrist was aware of my history and prescribed it to me anyway.

 

I am extremely scared that it will happen again, especially if I’m alone. I don’t think I should be taking these things. Most of my issues come from trauma, and I believe the best way to overcome them is to discuss better coping mechanisms in therapy (I currently do DBT with an amazing professional). I really don’t think these meds are any good for me, but since I’ve been taking them for so long, I’m scared I may have damaged my brain and reached the point of no return. I have now lowered my Bupropion dosage back to 300mg, as advised by my psychiatrist. 

 

Does anyone have similar experiences, or tips on what I could do next?

Edited January 22, 2021 by manymoretodays

[River78]

My medical history, as far as I can remember:

Lexapro (2011) — CT, No memory
Fluoxetine (2012—2014) — CT, Withdrawals, worsened anxiety
Risperidone (2013) — Allergic reaction
Seroquel (2013, then again in 2018) — CT, No problem, made me sleep all day
Sertraline (2015—2017) — CT, Withdrawals, hypomania once I stopped
Lithium (2017—2018) — Lithium toxicity
Lamotrigine (2018—2020) — CT, Withdrawals
Venlafaxine (2018—2020) — CT, Withdrawals, hypomania while I was on it
Clonazepam (2018—2020) — Severe Withdrawals whenever I tried to stop
Ablify (2019) — Only took it for a few months, CT, No problem
Went without any psychotropics during most of 2020 because of lockdown, felt unstable and had a breakdown in December.
Lurasidone (2021—Now)
Bupropion (2021—Now)

[Shep]

Hi, River78.

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. I'm very glad you found this site.

 

Please note I've added your last post to your signature (located under each of your posts). I've also added the doses for your latest drugs from the information you provided in your first post. If there are any changes you need to make, please note you can make them here:

 

Account Settings - Create or Update Your Signature

 

Please provide the months in 2020 when you stopped the below drugs. Also provide the doses you were on for each of these drugs: 

 

     Lamotrigine (2018—2020) — CT, Withdrawals
     Venlafaxine (2018—2020) — CT, Withdrawals, hypomania while I was on it
     Clonazepam (2018—2020) — Severe Withdrawals whenever I tried to stop

 

It's possible you may be able to rapid taper off your current drugs since you just started them this month, but before giving any guidance in doing so, it will be helpful to know when you took your last drugs in 2020. 

 

It's possible the seizure is related to your eating issues, as you mentioned, but also by the clonazepam CT. The more you can tell us about these other three drugs will be very helpful. 

[River78]

Hi Shep, thanks for replying. 

 

I just had another seizure today. My psychiatrist has advised me to lower the Bupropion to 150mg as of tomorrow and then to stop taking it. I don’t know how safe that would be?

 

I last took the Lamotrigine on February 2020, as well as the Venlafaxine. Unfortunately I don’t remember the doses I was on. 

 

As for the Clonazepam — I also had stopped taking it at the same time as the others, but I had an overdose on the 26th of December (for suicidal ideation). I think I took about 20-30mg. And I started the Bupropion a couple days after. 

 

Do you think it could be related at all?

 

 

[Shep]

16 hours ago, River78 said:

I just had another seizure today. My psychiatrist has advised me to lower the Bupropion to 150mg as of tomorrow and then to stop taking it. I don’t know how safe that would be?

 

Since you just started the bupropion this month, I would take your doctor's advice on this. Seizures are an adverse reaction that's more than an online forum can handle, so please work closely with your doctor so you don't end up seriously injured. It takes a month to develop a dependency, so you likely aren't dependent yet. 

 

16 hours ago, River78 said:

As for the Clonazepam — I also had stopped taking it at the same time as the others, but I had an overdose on the 26th of December (for suicidal ideation). I think I took about 20-30mg. And I started the Bupropion a couple days after. 

 

Do you think it could be related at all?

 

Yes, I think this is related. Clonazepam is an anticonvulsant, so you may have affected your brain in a way that made it more likely to have a seizure when you went on Bupropion, a drug known for lowering the seizure threshold. 

 

There's really no way to know for sure. Odds are, these will stop happening after you come off the offending drug. 

 

You're right at the edge of a safe timeframe for reinstating the clonazepam. Benzo reinstatements are best done within 2 - 4 weeks of coming off. However, with your history of suicidal ideation, I'm not sure if your doctor would prescribe this again. I wanted to mention it, though, in case you want to have a conversation with him about this. 

 

You also came off Lamotrigine within the past month (if I'm reading your history and posts correctly). Lamotrigine is also an anticonvulsant, but it's not a controlled substance, so you may be able to reinstate this one without as much of the controlled drug stigma problems. 

 

Again, your symptoms are too severe for an online forum to handle and really need guidance from a doctor, but I wanted to give you some general information about these drugs within the context of seizures. Please let us know how you're doing and if your doctor has any recommendations for handling the seizures. If you never had a seizure before being exposed to these drugs, I would think it's caused by the drug and you have every reason to hope for a good life off these drugs. 

 

You may want to seek out a good neurologist at this point. Just a thought. Please let us know how you're feeling over the coming days. 

[River78]

Hello again!

 

I did an EEG yesterday to be sure that my seizures were not being caused by anything else other than the bupropion. As expected, thankfully, the results showed no abnormalities in my brain. 

 

Also — Sorry, I think I forgot to mention, will fix my signature now — I stopped the Lamotrigine and Clonazepam originally (before my OD) in March 2020, because I was due to a medication review that never happened due to lockdown. 

 

Anyways, my psychiatrist told me he “doesn’t think” my Clonazepam OD after Christmas has anything to do with my seizures, but I don’t believe him.. I’ve never had this problem before, even though I’ve been on many antidepressants that also may cause convulsions in rare cases. 

 

I have now lowered the Bupropion back to 150mg, and have been advised by my doctor to stop taking it on Friday. However, I’m still taking Lurasidone 20mg as prescribed. I have to say I am a bit scared to go off them completely because, in retrospect, I think I have been experiencing a very long withdrawal syndrome for years now, especially considering that anytime these symptoms got worse, I went along on taking new meds each time, since I didn’t know better and thought I had “nothing to lose”. But last year, before my breakdown in December, I had been feeling more like myself than I ever had, since my early teens. It did come in windows and waves, as described, and I think I had a pretty low wave at the end of the year that I thought meant maybe I couldn’t be without any meds at this point in my life. 

 

I do want to be free of these substances. And I know it will most likely be a loooong process, since it has been a long time and many different substances. But I’m tired of giving in to something that has been proving to be more problematic in many different ways, than actually helpful. 

 

My psychiatrist has now prescribed me Vortioxetine (Brintellix). Knowing what I know now, and the more I read about it.. the less I want to go along with it again. But I think I am already starting to feel the withdrawal symptoms coming back after tapering/ stopping Bupropion (sorry, kinda went on a tangent there before getting to the point). Not sure if that’s possible considering I took it for such a short period, it might still be withdrawals from previous drugs. Maybe even Clonazepam withdrawals again. 

 

Would taking Vortioxetine make withdrawal symptoms easier to manage for now, and then I should consider tapering, or am I better off just denying it? What other substances could I use to soothe the waves (I know magnesium and omega 3 have been proven to improve overall wellbeing, and I also take iron supplements)?

 

Thank you again. I know that my case is pretty complex, I don’t expect medical advice — I just want to understand the best I can so I know how to recover, if I can even recover at this point. 

[River78]

By the way, I just tried to update my signature but it keeps saying it’s too long 😅. Should I just keep the most recent medications in there?

[Shep]

10 hours ago, River78 said:

I have now lowered the Bupropion back to 150mg, and have been advised by my doctor to stop taking it on Friday. However, I’m still taking Lurasidone 20mg as prescribed. I have to say I am a bit scared to go off them completely because, in retrospect, I think I have been experiencing a very long withdrawal syndrome for years now, especially considering that anytime these symptoms got worse, I went along on taking new meds each time, since I didn’t know better and thought I had “nothing to lose”.

 

You haven't been on buproprion long enough to be dependent on it, so I would continue to rapid taper off it. The seizures are a serious and possibly life-threatening adverse reaction. Please work closely with your doctor on this. You may find a neurologist to be better than a psychiatrist for this. 

 

If you need a second opinion, I would try to find a good neurologist. 

 

You may be experiencing withdrawal from your previous AD, Venlafaxine, along with clonazepam withdrawal, as you just mentioned. It's very hard to untangle polypharmacy. 

 

I'm glad to read you got a good report from the EEG. 

 

Other than the seizure, what are your symptoms now? How many hours of sleep are you getting each night? 

 

10 hours ago, River78 said:

By the way, I just tried to update my signature but it keeps saying it’s too long 😅. Should I just keep the most recent medications in there?

 

Please post what you would like to have in your signature and I can try to get it in there. 

[River78]

Thank you. I will look into a good neurologist in my area; no clue how to figure out which ones are actually willing to listen, though. 

 

My symptoms ever since I lowered the Bupropion to 150mg have been of overall hopelessness, feeling unbearably upset about nearly everything in my life and in the world, crying spells, starting to feel suicidal again and I have not been sleeping that well, either. (Mind you, better than I was when on 450mg, though). I sometimes have really intense, odd dreams and wake up at least twice during the night. Probably get about 8 hours in total, which would be great if it wasn’t cut into little bits. 

 

Last night during one of these moments that I woke up, I was feeling quite reflective, so I wrote down my thoughts about how I believe ADs, “mood stabilisers”, etc, have impacted my emotions negatively. My only hope is to trust that this damage is not permanent. I’ll put these thoughts below, if anyone would care to share their insights. 

 

As for the signature, would you please update it to this (sorry about the font size change, copied and pasted from my notes and haven’t figured out how to change it here):

 

As far as I can remember:

Escitalopram (2011) — CT, No memory

Fluoxetine (2012—2014) — CT, Withdrawals, worsened anxiety

Risperidone (2013) — Allergic reaction

Quetiapine (2013, then again in 2018) — CT, made me sleep all day

Sertraline (2015—2017) — CT, Withdrawals, hypomania once I stopped

Lithium (2017—2018) — Lithium toxicity, fast tapered

Lamotrigine (2017—March 2020) — CT, Withdrawals

Venlafaxine (2018—November 2019) — CT, Withdrawals, hypomania while I was on it

Clonazepam (2018—March 2020) — Severe Withdrawals whenever I tried to stop

Aripiprazole (Dec 2019) — Only took it for <1 month, CT, No problem

Agomelatine (Dec 2019) — Same as above. Was exhausted of switching meds.

No psychotropics during most of 2020, felt unstable, unknowingly with Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome and had a suicidal breakdown in December. 

Bupropion 450 mg (January 2021— Caused seizures— Fast taper)

Lurasidone 20 mg (January 2021—Now)

Now prescribed Vortioxetine 10mg to replace Bupropion.

————

 

I have been doing therapy since the age of 4, at first because I had a hard time interacting with the other kids, as I have always been very shy and introverted. Then, as the years passed, a lot of things happened that made both my social and personal situation worse: my parents got divorced, my mother became extremely absent and neglectful even though I was living with her, pets passed away, being upset about these things in school led to other kids bullying me for being “weird” and too quiet, bullying increased over the years and they started targeting my physical appearance too, etc. 

Perhaps other people in this younger generation might be able to relate to this, but I think being exposed to the Internet at such an early age was also not good for my wellbeing, especially considering it was even more unsafe and unregulated in the early 2000s than it is now. I somehow came across people online who also felt as bad as I did. Learned how to self harm, starve myself, purge, all those awful self destructive behaviours from seeing and talking to these people online. When my therapist referred me to a psychiatrist at 14, she said she felt unqualified to treat what I was going through — which looking back, I agree, but mostly because she specialised on talking to children and I was now on my early teens, with much more complex issues. Doesn’t mean I needed to be medicated though. But I did. And what started out as feelings of depression, self destruction and suicidal ideation, over the years turned into crippling anxiety, panic attacks, BPD and “suspected Bipolar”. I now am starting to think that these things might all be linked to the meds and withdrawal syndrome (except maybe for the C-PTSD and disordered eating). 

 

It’s so weird. Once I got my BPD diagnosis, I remember thinking “this makes sense, finally an explanation for all the things I’ve been feeling and doing”. But over the years I keep seeing more and more people get diagnosed with BPD, and I don’t really know if *all* of them have it, considering ‘personality disorders’ are supposedly rare.. Of course, I don’t live inside their heads.. But I am now starting to think it’s just the “new” thing psychiatrists are using to diagnose people now, when plain old “major depression” doesn’t work. I especially felt that when two different doctors gave me “suspected Bipolar”, considering I had never had a hypomanic episode before being on medication, and in fact have only had them as a result of being on these things. 

 

Thankfully, I have a great therapist that doesn’t believe in these labels, and puts all of it down to emotional instability caused by many different factors. My therapist has also taught me breathing techniques, mindfulness, and other coping mechanisms that have been improving my life immensely, way more than any medication ever did.

 

I genuinely hope I will be able to overcome all the harm these heavy pills have done to my brain and my body. I don’t hate myself because I didn’t know better, so I can’t blame myself, but it’s still upsetting regardless to think about it. 

————

 

[dirtvoid]

No advice, but just want to say your story really resonated with me and I relate A LOT. 
wishing you all the best in healing from iatrogenesis 

[Shep]

20 hours ago, River78 said:

I sometimes have really intense, odd dreams and wake up at least twice during the night. Probably get about 8 hours in total, which would be great if it wasn’t cut into little bits. 

 

I know your sleep isn't restorative right now, but 8 hours in total is excellent considering all you've been through. Your nervous system is resilient. It just needs more time and lots of self-care.

 

20 hours ago, River78 said:

Now prescribed Vortioxetine 10mg to replace Bupropion.

 

We don't recommend adding in drugs to "fix" withdrawal. If you were to replace the bupropion with anything, it would be with one you were previously on. Since you were off everything for about a year, reinstating may not work. And with the severity of the reaction you're having with bupropion, I wouldn't recommend adding any of them back in. 

 

You seem to be doing a bit better with the rapid taper off the bupropion. I would continue coming of it instead of trying to replace it with a new drug. 

 

Please note we're not medical experts here, so all we can do is give you information on tapering your current drug, we can't help you go on a new drug. 

 

From your last post, it really sounds like you're ready to leave the labels and the drugs behind. 

 

Please post your thoughts on this. 

[River78]

18 hours ago, dirtvoid said:

No advice, but just want to say your story really resonated with me and I relate A LOT. 
wishing you all the best in healing from iatrogenesis 

Thank you so much. It’s weirdly both relieving and upsetting to know there are people who can relate to my story. I hope you’re healing alright, too. Also, I had never heard of the term ‘iatrogenesis’ before, so I looked it up and it makes so much sense! Mad how that’s a thing that happens, and happened to so many of us. 

 

3 hours ago, Shep said:

 

I know your sleep isn't restorative right now, but 8 hours in total is excellent considering all you've been through. Your nervous system is resilient. It just needs more time and lots of self-care.

 

 

We don't recommend adding in drugs to "fix" withdrawal. If you were to replace the bupropion with anything, it would be with one you were previously on. Since you were off everything for about a year, reinstating may not work. And with the severity of the reaction you're having with bupropion, I wouldn't recommend adding any of them back in. 

 

You seem to be doing a bit better with the rapid taper off the bupropion. I would continue coming of it instead of trying to replace it with a new drug. 

 

Please note we're not medical experts here, so all we can do is give you information on tapering your current drug, we can't help you go on a new drug. 

 

From your last post, it really sounds like you're ready to leave the labels and the drugs behind. 

 

Please post your thoughts on this. 

I am glad to hear that my nervous system is more resilient than I thought. Really gives me hope. 

 

I definitely am ready to leave the labels and drugs behind, I can’t imagine a happy life with either of these things. It just might be hard to convince the people in my life that this is good for me and that I’m not just ‘going insane’. Hopefully if I’m firm on my position and can show evidence supporting my claims, they can trust me on this. Do you have experience on having to convince people of your decision when you stopped?

[Shep]

Please see:

 

Helping family understand

 

You may also want to get a copy of this book for you and your family to read:

 

Anatomy of an Epidemic

 

Here is the book trailer video:

 

Robert Whitaker, author Anatomy of an Epidemic video (11.5 minutes)

 

[River78]

Hello. I thought I’d give this an update, if anyone is interested. 

 

I have been off all medications since February/ March (unsure of exact dates). Things haven’t been great. But I’m not sure if it’s to do with the antidepressants or not. 

 

Basically, I have relapsed really heavily into my eating disorder, after a year of being mostly fine. My mood is terrible all the time as a result of this. I am uninterested in everyone and everything, have no self esteem, essentially no libido (unusual for me). Suicidal thoughts have been getting way worse, as well as thoughts of self harm. 

 

I was wondering if there is any research linking antidepressant withdrawals to disordered eating? Or if it’s most likely just outside stressors that can worsen it (which I am currently discussing in therapy)?

[Shep]

@River78When did your disordered eating start? Before or after going on psychiatric drugs? 

 

You may want to research and see if you can find a holistic web forum dealing with disordered eating. Even if this was triggered by the use of psychiatric drugs, learning non-drug ways of taking care of yourself while having this problem could help you heal from withdrawal, as well. Heating a healthy diet is important to the healing process. 

[River78]

On 6/28/2021 at 1:56 PM, Shep said:

@River78When did your disordered eating start? Before or after going on psychiatric drugs? 

 

You may want to research and see if you can find a holistic web forum dealing with disordered eating. Even if this was triggered by the use of psychiatric drugs, learning non-drug ways of taking care of yourself while having this problem could help you heal from withdrawal, as well. Heating a healthy diet is important to the healing process. 

 

Hi Shep, sorry for late response, I forgot to check this forum for a while. My disordered eating first started at age 14, after I had already been introduced to my first psychiatric drug (Lexapro). I also think there might be a link between my experience with Bupropion earlier this year and my disordered eating plus low mood now, since before I took it, I was experiencing very intense and unstable emotions, then during the ‘treatment’ I actually felt fine for a few weeks, before the seizures happened and I had to stop. Ever since then, I have been pretty much emotionally numb all year, which is very unusual for me, as I am (or used to be) quite an emotional person. I won’t go too far into the disordered eating, as I know this isn’t the focus of this forum, but I think it gives me a sense of purpose or comfort while I don’t feel like myself/ don’t know what to do with this version of me. 

 

I have been talking about it in therapy, and trying to incorporate new, healthy options into my diet, but it still is so hard when I don’t feel any better. I suppose it takes some time, still.. It’s especially frustrating how lonely it feels, considering I don’t know a single person who has had this experience or at least similar. Not even online, and I can’t find any research on it. Of course, disordered eating is behavioural and not exactly chemical/ hormonal like how withdrawing is, but I do think at least the lack of emotions might be linked to the medications, and perhaps the rest is a consequence of it. 

 

I’m thinking of starting taking supplements again, I already have iron and a multivitamin, but I know vitamin D is especially important too. I’ll look into what I can get for a reasonable price. 

 

By the way, thanks for still replying to my posts, even if takes a long time for me to update. I’m still confused about a lot of things. 

[Shep]

Thanks for the update, River. Yes, it is incredibly slow how the healing process works. 

 

Please be careful of adding in supplements. We don't recommend a lot of supplements, as many members report their nervous systems are simply too fragile to handle them. However, magnesium and fish oil tend to be calming to the nervous system and many people report they do help. Please only add in one supplement at a time and at a small dose. For more, please see:

 

 King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

Please also see:

 

Important topics about tests, supplements, treatments, diet

 

It's important to research any supplement you take, as many people report upticks in symptoms due to supplements.

 

15 hours ago, River78 said:

My disordered eating first started at age 14, after I had already been introduced to my first psychiatric drug (Lexapro).

 

 

15 hours ago, River78 said:

I suppose it takes some time, still.. It’s especially frustrating how lonely it feels, considering I don’t know a single person who has had this experience or at least similar. Not even online, and I can’t find any research on it. Of course, disordered eating is behavioural and not exactly chemical/ hormonal like how withdrawing is, but I do think at least the lack of emotions might be linked to the medications, and perhaps the rest is a consequence of it. 

 

Since you didn't have this problem prior to taking a psychiatric drug, it's possible that the drug set the stage for creating this problem and then over time, learned behavior made it more habitual and harder to control. But there are anedoctal accounts of these drugs causing upticks in hunger and even metabolic problems, so take heart - you're not alone! 

 

Lexapro and hunger

 

So Hungry!

 

And there are many more accounts out there about not only Lexapro, but many other psych drugs causing either weight gain or weight loss, food cravings, loss of appetite, and  everything across the board.  

 

Since at around 50% of your serotonin is in your gut, it makes sense that serotonin drugs can cause all sorts of GI and appetite changes. And since SSRIs are also hormone disruptors, that can also cause cravings leading to disordered eating and other problems.