Marko1: Thank you for your priceless support:)

[Marko1]

Paxil withdrawal after 15 years of taking 20mg is a huge challenge for me.
I am from Poland but I found the forum a priceless support with valuable information.
It is so supportive to know there are a lot of you who bravely struggle the same difficulty and finally overcome a drug habit. I am often here and I want to thank you for each word you write to help each other to quit psychoactive medicines. You are wonderful:)
My withdrawal story has started in the beginning of December 2020 and is still ongoing. I had tried dozens of times to quit Paxil prior to 2020 but had never succeeded.
This is the first time I am so close to be free from Paxil.
I reduced dosage by 5mg in December and the next 5mg in January. Now I take 10mg that is half of quantity I have taken for the last 15 years. What is good a quality of my sexual life has improved significantly. I am so happy about that because antidepressants put a strain on this part of my marriage and it was painful. I can also feel my mind is sharper, my thoughts are quicker.
But I can also feel severe withdrawal symptoms. I can feel brain zaps and electrical shocks in my brain and my body as well. Some days I struggle brain zaps several times a day but there are still days I feel electrical shocks every minute. They are so intense and effect nausea. It is really difficult for me but I decided to fight and be consistent.
It is my dream to quit the drug!
Thank you for your spirit and help:)

Edited January 26, 2021 by manymoretodays

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Marko1.

 

To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

It's great that you're getting low in your dosage.  However,  you are tapering much faster than we recommend, which would explain the withdrawal symptoms you're experiencing.  You're tapering by 25% of your original 20mg every month, and we recommend tapering by no more than 10% of your current (not original) dose every four weeks.  As you get to the lower doses the drug becomes more potent, which makes it especially important to taper slowly the lower doses.  I would hold where you are at 10mg for at least two months to let your system catch up to the changes you've made and become accustomed to the lower dose you're now taking.  Once you've stabilized, you can continue with a 10% taper.  "Stabilized" means your symptoms are more or less the same every day, without big swings or changes.

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

This link is specifically about tapering Paxil, including how to get the non-standard small doses you'll need for a 10% taper.  If liquid Paxil is available in Poland, that's a good tapering method.  The link also includes instructions on making your own liquid and weighing using a digital scale.

Tips for tapering off paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat)

 

So that you have a better idea of what you're experiencing, here is some information on withdrawal and the healing process.  The symptoms you report are typical of antidepressant withdrawal.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well.

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Get supplements that ae single ingredient (not mixed with other types of supplements).

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can complete your drug signature, ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Marko1]

Thank you Gridley for all the valuable hints and your time to answer me as well.
I know that I am tapering too fast but the reason is I was off my work for two months in the end of 2020 and I decided this is the best time in my life I can try to give up Paxil. I wanted to reduce so much Paxil I can before I am back to work. I wanted to taper fast because I wanted to see a progress fast. I tried to cancel Paxil houndred times in the past and I was failing each time. This is the first time I take 10mg of Paxil (that is half of my standard dossage) fo so long time. I have never been so close and so far in the same time from being free from chemical prison.
I am back to my work now and I feel terribly. My work is fully mental. I solve complicated IT tasks and attend many meetings with clients and co-workers. I found my state of mind is dangerous for quality of my work, relations with clients and can lead to errors or humiliation if I will be panicking or fainting during very important business situations.
It is so tough time for me. I feel so bad, scared and dizzy. It is so difficult when I have a task that needs my full focus and my mental ability but I feel dizzy, brain zaps and anxiety and often hear irony form a colleagues of mine who are not aware what happens in my head. I am determined not to be back to more dosage of Paxil than 10mg I fought my way to but I am lacking hope all these symptoms can disappear. Is it like my brain is irreversibly damaged? I will feel all these symptoms to the end of my life? Nothing will change soon? When can I continue tapering Paxil? Should I ask my boss about a kind of leave to be able to quit Paxil fully and be back to work then? There is so much uncertainty in my mind. I have never been in such situation in my whole life. I do not know what I am facing. Nobody has prepared me for this. My psyhiatrists have never told me quiting Paxil is a nightmare. Why? And the most important threat is if I can lose my job and be a burden for my family. It can not end like this.

Edited February 25, 2021 by Gridley

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, Marko1 said:

I am determined not to be back to more dosage of Paxil than 10mg I fought my way to

That's fine.  It's great that you've gotten to such a low dose.

 

 

1 hour ago, Marko1 said:

I am lacking hope all these symptoms can disappear. Is it like my brain is irreversibly damaged? I will feel all these symptoms to the end of my life?

No, your brain is't irreversibly damaged.  It will heal, and when you emerge on the other side you will be a much stronger and reset person due to going through the process.  

 

1 hour ago, Marko1 said:

often hear irony form a colleagues of mine who are not aware what happens in my head.

Unless someone is going through this, they can't understand.  These drugs are very powerful, and withdrawal from them commonly causes the cognitive issues you describe.

 

1 hour ago, Marko1 said:

Nothing will change soon? When can I continue tapering Paxil?

Every day that passes, every minute that passes, your brain is healing, though we may not be aware of the change--improvement come slowly and very gradually with setbacks.  No one can predict the rate of our healing, since we are all different.  I would wait two months and see how you feel at that point.  If you're feeling stable, you can begin tapering again.  You could try 10% or, to start, you could try 5% for 4 weeks and see how that works.  The lower doses of these drug have to handled carefully and slowly, as they are the most potent dosages.  You should be very proud of yourself for getting so low on Paxil.  

 

1 hour ago, Marko1 said:

Should I ask my boss about a kind of leave to be able to quit Paxil fully and be back to work then?

That depends on your work situation, the relationship with your boss and how well you can handle the job at this point.  As I said, there's no way to know the rate of your future improvement.  We do know you will improve  but we can't give you a time.  Balancing work and withdrawal is a very delicate and individual calculation.

 

1 hour ago, Marko1 said:

My psyhiatrists have never told me quiting Paxil is a nightmare. Why?

They know nothing about withdrawal.  The level of ignorance is appalling.  It is not taught in medical school and they get their information from the pharmaceutical companies who want to sell their drugs.  Information about withdrawal is very slowly starting to become known and recognized, but psychiatrists naturally are resistant: no one wants to think that they have been prescribing harmful substances.  Here are a few links about the slow recognition the medical establishment is having about the dangers of withdrawal.

 

This article is from the Royal College of Psychiatry (RCP) in the U.K.

 

Stopping antidepressants

 

And here's an article with leaders in the RCP explaining why they wrote that. 

 

Psychiatry’s Top Experts Acknowledge Lasting Harms of Antidepressant Withdrawal

 

You may also want to get a copy of this book. Robert Whitaker's writings come highly recommended here: 

 

Anatomy of an Epidemic

 

Here is the book trailer video for Whitaker's book: 

 

Robert Whitaker, author Anatomy of an Epidemic video (11.5 minutes)

 

1 hour ago, Marko1 said:

It can not end like this.

It won't.  You're in the midst of it now but you will heal.

 

Don't forget to consider the magnesium supplement I mentioned in my last post to you.

 

 

 

Edited February 25, 2021 by Gridley

[Marko1]

Gridley thank you so much. Your answer is so important for me.
Your work here is something priceless. You help so many people. And what is the most crucial you help people complete their treatment. It is always easy to start something but often hard to finish. You should be given gold medal from all these pharmaceutical companies and psychiatrists for all you do here for people. They started something but it is you who help to finish it. And finishing is the most important and tough part of all this game. Thank you!

[Marko1]

I started to continue withdrawing Paxil a weeks ago. I had been stabilized at dose of 10mg since the beginning of January 2021 till 10 March 2021 (my primary dose had been 20mg in 2020). It had been two months I had taken the same dose – 10mg and the withdrawal symptoms almost fully had vanished in the beginning of March. I had realized I could win the battle of my life because the symptoms could disappear finally. I had realized I could be free not only from the chemical substance that ruled my life but also be free from all the side-effects that accompany antidepressants. Unfortunately all the symptoms have been back again since one week ago when I started to taper off again. I can feel like drug abuser again struggling with nausea, appetite loss, being dizzy, sweating, brain zaps, anxiety, mood swing – all this horror again. There is one good thing about feeling so extremely bad – I will remember to the end of my life not to touch antidepressants again. I know antidepressants can help but they can be also very harmful. Being addicted, having many side-effects, not being able to normally perceive the reality and nightmare to quit the drug – this is huge price. And the worst is you are not aware that you start to take something you will not be able to quit. What I can feel now is pure suffer. And nobody told me I will have to get through such painful addiction.

[Marko1]

I made a pact with the devil

 

When I took my the first pill of Paxil I had no idea I made a pact with the devil. Yes, it helped me in the beginning because it is faster and easier to take a pill than to get through months or years of psychotherapy. But a pact with the devil condemned me to extreme suffering. If I knew about tremendous withdrawal pain I could change my decision when I took the first pill but nobody informed me about this. My psychiatrist claims I have a misfortune because antidepressants are not addictive and most people quit them easily. I decided to free myself at all costs and started to quit antidepressants - I risked everything - my career, family, reputation, relations, safety - everything that was precious for me is suspended now. I thought I am strong person I survived many traumas and pain in my life but withdrawal is something beyond my imagination. I am facing all acute withdrawal symptoms - I cry many times a day, vomiting, forget what day it is, have so many brain zaps that I feel like 24/7 electroshock - I feel zaps even when I sleep, I feel like I am dying and I fantasize about accelerating it, sometimes I can't remember what is the name of my daughter, I do not know what my wife is talking to me, I do not sleep several days and nights and then I fall asleep for 2 days nonstop - it is pure hell but I realized I deserve it - I made a pact with the devil and it's payback time. I ruminate on the same questions all the time - do I ruin my life? Should I reinstate Paxil and take it to the end of my life? How long should I wait to feel better? 2 years, 5 years? What else I can do? Please help me – your opinion is priceless for me. I read your posts again and again and they are mainly why I still survive.

 

Edited October 7, 2021 by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic