Itsnotme: Trying to survive too-fast Lexapro taper/severe W/D

[Itsnotme]

19-years on Lexapro & Wellbutrin. 

 

At 5mg, wanted to stop Lexapro because of sexual side effects, constipation, weight gain, dulled feelings ... quit CT in May of 2019 as I didn't think I could taper any lower being it was only 5mg, disasterous results--physical symptoms first, then severe depression, panic, worse than anything I'd ever experienced before taking drugs.

 

Doc put me back on Wellbutrin and Lexapro after 2 wks, increased dosage of Lexapro within a month from 10mg to eventually 40mg since I was still in a terrible state. Gave me Klonopin for panic/insomnia, took that 2+ months, tapered off after 12 days, crashed horribly, ended up in the hospital...doc there gave me 75mg of Effexor in addition to the Lexapro/Wellbutrin...got 10 rounds of ECT...slight improvement after several weeks but not good/off work 6 wks. Eventually able to to function, depression and OCD better but continued feeling of dread and doom which turned out to be from too much SSRI in my brain.

 

Weaned off Effexor Feb of 2020, went fine and actually felt better. Started tapering down Lexapro from 40 to 35 to 30 to 25 to 20 to 15 to 10 with little W/D effects, holding only a week or so in-between. Felt better, less dread and knew I had been taking too much med for my brain. Then once I started going from 10 to 7.5 to 5 and lower (started liquid version after 5), dropping by 1mg/holding only a week or so in-between, bad physical W/D started, plus depression, OCD, agitation, etc.

 

Told my doc but he didn't tell me to stop or back up. Down to about 2mg using liquid Lexapro late August 2020. Huge physical then mental crash. Told my doc but he didn't tell me to stop or back up. Depression/depersonalization/panic/obsessional thoughts/agitation. Some improvement after a week or so. Went down to less than 1mg sometime in September, mental state really bad but did seem to improve slightly after a month or so.

 

Slowly felt like I was starting to see some improvement and holding on, stabilizing, symptoms not horrible and able to function in late Oct/Nov/early Dec 2020. First 2 weeks of December pretty good. Then forgot Synthroid (thyroid med) for 3 or 4 days by total accident around Dec 13. Crashed worse than ever.

 

Deepest depression, depersonalization, irrational/obsessive thoughts, panic of my life and now trying to recover but feel hopeless. Struggling to survive without going back on Lexapro, but not sure I can make it. I just don't know what to do and feel so desperate. The fear and obsessional thoughts are the worst now. Depression has slightly lifted last few weeks. Been walking regularly and trying to eat right, take fish oil, Vit D and B vitamins. Using a sunlamp. Even trying CES Ultra stimulation at home. The fear of what has happened and is continuing has overtaken me at times where I feel I might go insane. I can barely function and fear I will lose my job. Working from home is the only reason I haven't lost it already. Any advice is so appreciated. Thank you for listening.

Edited February 6, 2021 by manymoretodays
name to title, spacing for readability, tags

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Itsnotme

 

It looks like you may have a history of prior withdrawal syndrome, overtreatment with drugs, and other adverse reactions.

 

On 2/5/2021 at 4:36 PM, Itsnotme said:

Deepest depression, depersonalization, irrational/obsessive thoughts, panic of my life and now trying to recover but feel hopeless. Struggling to survive without going back on Lexapro, but not sure I can make it. I just don't know what to do and feel so desperate. The fear and obsessional thoughts are the worst now. Depression has slightly lifted last few weeks.

 

These may very well be withdrawal symptoms.

 

What we see is protracted withdrawal very slowly and gradually improves over many months. See 

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Protracted Withdrawal or PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome)

 

How do you feel after taking the B vitamins? You may wish to add Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker to your supplements. 

 

It's possible reinstatement of a small amount of Lexapro, such as 0.5mg, or 1mg of its milder sibling citalopram, will reduce your withdrawal symptoms. You'd stabilize on this for some months and then taper off by miniscule amounts later. See About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

Please let us know how you're doing.

[Yesyes123]

Sending you lots of love and healing! Please listen to the mods on here - they really know what they're doing. You'll make it!

[Itsnotme]

Thank you for the reply. I'm barely holding on. Every moment is full of terror and fear, both chemical & psychological as I fear for my life, my job, my marriage. I reinstated 1.5mg Lexapro on 2/6/21 which I think may have helped in the tinyest way. Plan to updose by .5mg if I do not see improvement by Friday 2/12. I take Fish oil, B vitamins and magnesium and don't feel any difference. Also have been trying to walk regularly when I am able to function. I have walked throughout this torturous journey, and it sometimes did seem to help at least for awhile. I was praying my brain would readapt but I cannot cope and have been suicidal, so I had no choice but to reinstate. 

[manymoretodays]

On 2/10/2021 at 5:04 PM, Itsnotme said:

Thank you for the reply. I'm barely holding on. Every moment is full of terror and fear, both chemical & psychological as I fear for my life, my job, my marriage. I reinstated 1.5mg Lexapro on 2/6/21 which I think may have helped in the tinyest way. Plan to updose by .5mg if I do not see improvement by Friday 2/12. I take Fish oil, B vitamins and magnesium and don't feel any difference. Also have been trying to walk regularly when I am able to function. I have walked throughout this torturous journey, and it sometimes did seem to help at least for awhile. I was praying my brain would readapt but I cannot cope and have been suicidal, so I had no choice but to reinstate. 

 

Hello Itsnotme and welcome,

If I were you, I would sure give that Lexapro reinstatement a little longer than 6 days to evaluate it.  Sometimes getting some withdrawal stability, can take longer than 6 days of a reinstatement.  And then, we usually recommend less, not more, with reinstatements like yours.   So I am wondering if rather than going up in dosage, with the Lexapro, you might consider going down.  Did you see Alto's suggest above?

 

And this may be helpful too:  About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

And how did you manage such a lengthy signature??  Usually it is limited to just 12 lines, so I am surprised.

 

And is Lexapro your only drug taken right now?  When do you take the 1.5 mg dose?

Are you back on the thyroid medication that was forgotten back in December?

 

 

I'm just going to copy your present signature over on to this post right now, it will remain in place however, until you are able to condense it a bit, and is good to have right here, as part of your history:

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Prozac very briefly for mild-moderate depression/anxiety (couple months) in late 80s, early 90s, a couple of times. Stopped CT. Had W/D symptoms but not severe. Included dizziness, transient depersonalization and irritably if I recall.

Started high dose of Wellbutrin starting Fall '95 following a break-up. Diagnosed with clinical depression. Continued Wellbutrin for 5 years, reducing dosage a few times. Experienced some mild dysphoria and transient intrusive thoughts when I dropped the dosage a few times, but nothing horrible or lasting.

 

Stopped Wellbutrin CT in Fall '00. Started St. John's Wort shortly thereafter. Stopped SJW CT. Not long after, developed fairly severe depression, anxiety, intrusive/obsessive thoughts/panic. Different drugs given: Valium, made me worse. Ambien for sleep made me hallucinate. Zyprexa and Risperdal made me worse, totally out of it, depersonalization, mania, etc. Given several SSRIs to try around the same time. Eventually settled on Lexapro, I believe 20 mg. Finally started to stabilize in late 2001-02. Dropped dosage to about 10mg due to side effects I believe in early '03. 

 

Continued Lexapro 10mg and Wellbutrin between 150-175 from '03 to probably '08 when I reduced Lexapro to 5mg due to sexual side effects. Intrusive thoughts reemerged but went away after a few months, I believe. Continued taking both but due to sexual side effects/constipation, stopped Wellbutrin, then Lexapro CT May 2019 thinking it was the lowest dose so I couldn't taper anyway. So wrong. Severe physical W/D symptoms, followed by severe depression/panic/shaking. Doc reinstated high dose of Lexapro, 20 to 40 within a month or so. Then given small dose of Klonopin for panic. Took daily for 2+ months. Wanted to taper off when it stopped helping. Doc advised fast taper. Ended up in hospital with severe W/D, physical & mental torture. Added Effexor 75mg to Lexapro 40mg. Given Seroquel for sleep. Stopped after 8 days. Given 10 rounds of ECT (off work 6 weeks). Didn't help much since I was taking way too high doses of Lexapro with Effexor. 

Asked to taper off Effexor in Feb '20 since I had continued feeling of inexplicable doom and dread & it dawned on me it could be the high doses of SSRIs. Did so successfully w/ improvement. Started tapering Lexapro, from 40, in 5mg increments every week or so. Felt better (doomy feelings fading) but once I went from 10-7.5 bad physical W/D started. Doc advised continuing taper, from 7.5-5, then from 5-4, 4-3, 3-2, 2-1mg using liquid formula, then off, only holding a week or so in-between. Severe, debilitating W/D (physical and mental) with each drop. Doc did not advise to stop or back up despite reporting symptoms. Down to almost 0 in mid-Nov. December 2020, felt unstable, irritable, depression/OCD but thought I might be slightly stabilizing, then accidentally stopped thyroid med Dec. 13 and crashed into severe, disabling depression, panic, obsessions and continuing now (worst of my life, can barely function). Reinstated 1.5mg Lexapro Feb. 6, 2021 to hopefully stabilize. Plan to updose in 1/2mg increments every 6 days until (I pray) I feel improvement. Take magnesium, B complex, zinc, Fish oil, D3 every day.  Been walking 1/2hr-45m when I'm able. 

______________________________________________________________________________________

 

It's so unfortunate when doctors do not understand WD, and then advise tapers which are frankly, just too quick.

 

And please Itsnotme, continue to soldier on.  This is not going to be forever.  And can see from all you wrote above, that you've been in WD, some harsh WD, for a long time.

For those who are feeling desperate or suicidal

I just want you to especially look at the first post there, and then if needed, encourage you to call someone, if you just cannot cope, and you'll see some options there, for different locations.

 

And best, so sorry for your present suffering/struggle.  I've been there, and made it through, and want you to as well......very much so.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

 

 

Edited February 13, 2021 by manymoretodays
reinstatement link added

[Itsnotme]

Hello, thank you for your feedback. I restarted my thyroid med 3 or 4 days after forgetting it (I think Dec 16). I also take Wellbutrin 150 XL. I thought I read you can wait about 6 days to see if the reinstatement helps, then you could go up a tiny bit more if you think you need it. So I went up to 2mg Lexapro on 2/12. I don't feel worse with the reinstatement but a slight bit better or able to cope. I really don't want to have to go up anymore on the Lexapro so I hope 2mg helps stabilize me and reduces some of the worst symptoms, especially the intrusive/obsessive thoughts and feeling suicidal. I will try to wait as long as possible before going up anymore which I hope I won't have to. But if it means my life, I will have to do it. I appreciate your support more than you know.

[manymoretodays]

38 minutes ago, Itsnotme said:

I don't feel worse with the reinstatement but a slight bit better or able to cope. I really don't want to have to go up anymore on the Lexapro so I hope 2mg helps stabilize me and reduces some of the worst symptoms, especially the intrusive/obsessive thoughts and feeling suicidal. I will try to wait as long as possible before going up anymore which I hope I won't have to.

 

Hi Itsnotme,

And oh, that's good news then......".a slight bit better or able to cope"

I hope so too, as far as the 2 mg leading to enough stability, and reduction of symptoms.

My only concern was that it might be too much, given your history but.......so far so good, in that you are feeling just some slight improvement.

And yes, you are correct, with Lexapro, I would expect that you might feel at least some subtle improvement within the 4 to 7 day reinstatement period.  Sometimes after years of medications, and WD's, as well as adverse effects, we become much more sensitive to drugs than we were before.  And so, that's part of the reason we have members start real low with reinstatements.  And......I wasn't sure when I posted yesterday if you were feeling worse since the reinstatement, or if some of your symptoms had been ongoing.

So many thanks for clarifying.

 

I did just add the link, to the reinstatement topic, to my previous post as well.  I must have forgotten to link it yesterday.  It does sound like you have seen it, but now it's here, for reference.  Just click on the underlined phrase to get to it.

I'm also going to link you to the Signature Instructions:  Please summarize your withdrawal history in your signature

So when you can, just click on that link, and further guidelines are right in the first post ^

 

What you had put together is great, and that's why I also copied it over, but you'll see when you go to the link what we are looking for.  It acts as a quick reference, and is visible below your posts wherever you post, and is easier to grasp when it is concise.

 

You do have an excellent memory, and are a good historian, and note taker as to your story and so........I do want your current signature preserved here on your main Introduction.

 

When do you take your Lexapro?

When do you take your Wellbutrin?

 

How are you doing with getting the 2 mg dosage of Lexapro measured?

 

Would you also run an interactions check, and then link us to it, or copy and paste right here in a reply box.  Thank you.

Drug Interactions-Drugs.com

 

All for now, and so happy to see your update with at least some improvement noted.

Oh, and some more topics for you to peruse:

Withdrawal causing repetitive or intrusive thoughts

Also:  Dealing with Emotional Spirals

 

Please do keep us updated Itsnotme, as you have been.  Daily is great!  Happy healing.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Edited February 13, 2021 by manymoretodays
grammar

[Itsnotme]

I take the Wellbutrin (Bupropion) and generic Lexapro first thing in the morning. I have the oral liquid solution and am using a measuring syringe. I take a big drink of water to wash it down. I pasted the drug interactions with Lexapro below. I am hanging on today. Although it is very, very difficult, I do still feel there has been a slight improvement since I reinstated a small amount of Lexapro and am praying for more. 

 

Lexapro Drug Interactions - Drugs.com 

[mustafa]

Hello @Itsnotme

Iam sorry u are feeling bad struggling with lexapro symptomts. But I dont think u have to be worried about updosing lexapro for more than 2mg. Of course I know that u need to feel on the possible least dosage of lexapro but dont worry, u can feel normal even u updosed lexapro by having support, eating healthy food and share the members here your feelings. This will incredibly make difference and will take u through this journey and to the dafe side of course.

I hope u stabilize on your dosage and feel better.

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Itsnotme

 

Have you been taking Wellbutrin XL all along? Have you ever skipped a dose? Why do you take Wellbutrin and Lexapro at the same time in the morning? How do you feel after you take them?

 

 Please add months and years or at least years for all the events in your signature.

 

Please put ALL your drugs in the Drug Interactions Checker https://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.php

and copy and paste the results or a link to them in this topic.

[Itsnotme]

Hello. Yes, I have been taking Wellbutrin all along. No, I haven't skipped a dose. I have always taken both in the a.m. with no issues. I'm not sure what you mean by how do I feel after taking them? I haven't noticed anything. I have always taken Wellbutrin in the am as it can be stimulating. 
 

Wellbutrin Drug Interactions - Drugs.com 
Levothyroxine Drug Interactions - Drugs.com
Liothyronine Drug Interactions - Drugs.com
Lexapro Drug Interactions - Drugs.com
I also take bioidentical hormones twice a day - I don't see these in the interactions checker. I use a topical progesterone cream and sublingual estrogen (E2/E3) drops twice a day.

I have a skin abcess for which I'm supposed to take Augmentin 500mg twice a day now. I have been so afraid to start it, but I finally started with 275mg this a.m. My pharmacist said I could start with half a dose the first few days if I am worried.). I'm so scared that it will worsen my state of mind somehow. I am so afraid of any and all drugs now. 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Itsnotme,

When you go to the Interaction Checker, you should be able to plug in each of your drugs there.

You enter each drug, by name, and then click Add.

We are looking for the interactions of your drugs with each other.

We want to see how they are interacting with each other.

 

So can you give it another try, and this time, don't press check for interactions, until you've got your whole list of drugs there?

 

2 hours ago, Itsnotme said:

I have a skin abcess for which I'm supposed to take Augmentin 500mg twice a day now. I have been so afraid to start it, but I finally started with 275mg this a.m. My pharmacist said I could start with half a dose the first few days if I am worried.). I'm so scared that it will worsen my state of mind somehow. I am so afraid of any and all drugs now. 

 

Have you already tried another antibiotic for the absess?

Augmentin is Amoxicillin plus clavulanate potassium.  The clavulanate potassium addition is to prevent certain bacteria from becoming antibiotic resistant.  And while some members do have difficulties with antibiotics in withdrawal, many do not.

If your doctor feels you need to treat this abcess, for bacterial infection, then if it was me, I think I'd do it.  I mean you don't want to let any bacteria run rampant.

I did fine with a Z pac years ago, while in more acute WD, and do okay with Amoxicillin.  I've had to have 2 root canals which required it, and really don't think it caused me any problems.

 

Definitely avoid the fluroquinilones, if you can.  Those can be nasty.  And Augmentin is not one of that class.  Of course, as always, if any sign of an allergic reaction to your antibiotic, you need to stop it and call your doctor immediately.

 

Here's a topic on Antibiotics:  Cipro, Levaquin, Azithromycin(Z pack), and other antibiotics

 

And then once you get the interactions done, do copy and paste or link.  You'll wind up with just one thing to link, the interactions between your present drugs.

 

How long had you been taking the Lexapro, along with the Wellbutrin?  And then have you always taken them at the same time in the morning?

 

You might want to take the Lexapro and Wellbutrin spaced from each other by an hour or 2.  Start with them an hour apart tomorrow, and then move them to 2 hours apart the next day.  That's what I would do.  And then, you'll see why, when you get your interactions report done correctly.

 

And then you are still HOLDING with the 2 mg dose of Lexapro, day 3 today? 

And breathe Itsnotme, just breathe.

No, it's not you.  I get that.  I do.  WD can throw us into some unbelievable emotional and feeling states sometimes.  Just know, that you are in there somewhere now.  And hugs.

Neuro-emotions

 

You are doing okay, just hold on.  We just want to gather some more information now.  And I do really want you to check in each day if you can, as well.  Keep us updated, while you are doing this Lexapro reinstatement.

 

Best,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Itsnotme]

https://www.drugs.com/interactions-check.php?drug_list=440-0,1013-0,1463-0,1473-0

 

Hopefully, I did the interactions checker correctly this time. I have always taken bupropion and escitalopram together, for 20 years. I didn't know that I shouldnt, but I will take them separately as you suggest. Thank you for the info about antibiotics and your words of encouragement as I am still feeling desperate with extreme anxiety, panic and intrusive, obsessive thoughts that torture me. I can hardly function although I'm trying. But I do think the overwhelming fear is down a notch since I reinstated, and I have tiny moments of clarity and feeling like it helped somehow, although I'm not sure. Yes, I am holding at 2mg. This is the 4th day after 6 days at 1.5mg, so 10 days total thus far. 

[Itsnotme]

Oh, also, no, I have not tried any other antibiotic yet. Just started 1/2 dose of Augmentin this a.m. 

[manymoretodays]

You got it!  Good job.  How's the absess today too?  Are you doing okay with the Augmentin?

 

Drug Interaction Report- Drugs.com

 

What did you think of it?

I shifted my copy to Professional view, but you can change it back too, if you want to, when you view it.

And how are you doing today Itsnotme?

[Itsnotme]

That is good info to have. I took a full dose of Augmentin this am and don't feel sick or that it has really affected my brain, but I don't know. I am still struggling terribly with anxiety and obsessions and panic so much that I can't sleep. The obsessions are mostly sexually taboo, HOCD and relationship/partner focused, and the partner part has been horrible. But I am hanging on. I realized today that I have been fighting the thoughts and trying to wish them away or wait them out until I "get better," or stabilize but that is not helping. I need to accept that I'm having OCD regardless of why and face the thoughts and fears without fighting them. I hope that means some kind of progress. Thank you for checking. I am still so scared and frightened for my life.

[Itsnotme]

Someone please help! I couldn't sleep half the night because of intense obsessions about my husband not being attractive enough for me or not the right man for me, maybe I shouldn't be with him etc. And I can't even feel all the love I know I had before these obsessions took over...all I feel now is fear and guilt. I tried not to fight the thoughts and fears but it didn't work. The fear never left. I feel pure panic and can barely function. I am still on only 2mg of Lexapro. I feel I must go up on it tomorrow as I am far from stable. I went so far down mentally, I think I need help to get back up, then I can try to taper way slower later? 

[Lucy1983]

Hi Itsnotme

 

I have been having the same intense issue with my husband of 38 yrs since starting WD.  How could I love and desire my husband for all those years and suddenly in April 2020 (when I started WD) everything he says and does drives me mad? I even left him for a while. I don't know if I will ever want his touch again and I feel guilty.  Seems just in the past 4-5 days I am doing some better. I am hoping things continue to improve but I realize this could just be a window.

 

You are not alone in this. 

 

Lucy

[mustafa]

1 hour ago, Itsnotme said:

Someone please help! I couldn't sleep half the night because of intense obsessions about my husband not being attractive enough for me or not the right man for me, maybe I shouldn't be with him etc. And I can't even feel all the love I know I had before these obsessions took over...all I feel now is fear and guilt. I tried not to fight the thoughts and fears but it didn't work. The fear never left. I feel pure panic and can barely function. I am still on only 2mg of Lexapro. I feel I must go up on it tomorrow as I am far from stable. I went so far down mentally, I think I need help to get back up, then I can try to taper way slower later? 

Me too suffered this.

I think it is common.

I really expect how hard it is, too disabling. But give yourself some assure, it is withdrawals.

[Itsnotme]

Thank you. So did it go away for you? I do believe it is from w/d but I don't know how long I can go on this way. I have a job and can hardly function, let alone my marriage being affected, and this intense panic and anxiety cannot be good for my health. 

[mustafa]

5 hours ago, Itsnotme said:

Thank you. So did it go away for you? I do believe it is from w/d but I don't know how long I can go on this way. I have a job and can hardly function, let alone my marriage being affected, and this intense panic and anxiety cannot be good for my health. 

Yes.for me they do get better and there is a huge difference as time passes. I really know that what u are suffering at the moment is too, too hard but really dont panick, these are only withdrawals amd they will go away.

It is not the ideas about your husband that make u in panick. The opposite of this is true. Withdrawals are bringing fear to u and these fears make you think in an abnormal way.

[Itsnotme]

Mustafa, thank you so much for your responses. I'm glad to hear that this terrible symptom can improve and happy for you that it did. The thoughts and fears feel so real, although something that makes one panic and shake this badly could not possibly be rational or real. What you have said is helpful, and I am so grateful to you.  

[Itsnotme]

I went up to 3mg Lexapro yesterday as I've been in a total breakdown and consumed with obsessive thoughts and fear/panic. I couldn't function or work so felt I had no choice but to do this as I need my job. I am so depressed, shaking from the anxiety and fear and can't concentrate due to the obsessions. A little calmer after talking to counselor who understands withdrawal and maybe from the updose. But that's what scares me. Is the only way for me to survive this deep depression and severe ocd to take meds the rest of my life? In hindsight, I did have some sporadic ocd in my 20s when I was depressed and some may have happened from Prozac W/Ds, benzo use and drinking too much back then which made me depressed. I would have a "what if" I'm gay thought and a moment of panic seeing a pretty girl or when comparing myself, but it would usually pass and not consume me. I was very obsessed with physical beauty and would compare myself to pretty women and get anxious because I saw that they were or believed they were prettier than me which I saw as a terrible thing. I was functional, never bedridden or paralyzed by it. I know 100% that I never had this level of depression, obsession or fear and this has happened from W/D. My question is did the fact that my brain became dependent on the drugs worsen my original condition such that I will always have to take the drug in order to be ok now? I am so afraid to not be on the drugs now as I'm afraid this severe level of depression and ocd will never go away now since I did have a much lesser version of it before the drugs. I know that severe depression and pseudo-ocd from W/D can go away, but what if you had it before but a lot less? I should mention that I have done a lot of therapy around my issues stemming from family trauma and emotional abuse, including these issues about looks and self worth. 

 

[Crochet]

Hi Itsnotme,

 

I've had similar thoughts and questions, and I don't the answers.  I'm in a rather distressing period right now, so I do think that if I get out of this, maybe I will never try to get off again.  But my mind and thoughts change from day to day.

 

I'm not sure that the original condition has anything to do with what you are experiencing in withdrawal.  My problem before the taking the drug was anxiety, but what I've experienced in withdrawal can't even be compared to anxiety.

 

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling calmer and I hope that you can feel more comfortable soon.

 

Take care and nice to meet you,

Crochet

 

 

 

[Itsnotme]

Hi Crochet, right, this is nothing like what I experienced originally. It is far, far worse! I wish I knew the answer. It looks like you reinstated Lexapro after a cold turkey and are now back at a full dose. Do you feel it is helping you at all? I just don't know what to do. I am only at a small dose of 3mg now, and it's not doing much, but I waited several months hoping my brain would readapt before reinstating. I just think it couldn't catch up because I tapered way too fast following my psych's advice. I wish so bad I had known how wrong he was. I am in such agony and have so many fears, not only intrusive, irrational thoughts but fears about what is going to happen to my life because of this. Thank you for your response, and I hope the best for you. 

 

[Crochet]

Hello again,

 

Yes, I reinstated at 2.5 and then increased each week.  I think the bump up to 10mg didn't help and was a mistake.  I can't be sure, but I think it made it worse.  The symptoms that popped up were tingling in the legs and hands, constant buzzing in my head, muscle spasms, dizziness and perhaps more restlessness when I try to sleep.  I kept telling myself that these were drug side effects that would go away in 1-3 weeks.

 

This is so hard to figure out and I feel for you.  I wish I could take your fear away, I really do, and all your symptoms.

 

The withdrawal puts us into a state of vulnerability, desperation and confusion, and we don't make the best decisions from this place.  But we still try our best. I am just now getting a handle on what has been happening.

 

Much love,

Crochet

[Itsnotme]

I'm so sorry it didn't seem to help yet. I have the constant buzzing in my head too. Thank God you don't have intrusive thoughts/ocd. I can barely function now, it's so severe, in bed hiding from my own husband. I felt about an hour or so of relief today where I just knew these thoughts were irrational and nothing to fear, and then was able to let go of a negative "what if" thought about my husband so I'm hoping this is a good sign. I'm only at 3mg now and trying to be careful not to go up too much too fast, but I feel I have no choice but to take this medicine now. I hope you get relief soon, and thank you for your reply. 

[manymoretodays]

  

On 2/24/2021 at 7:43 AM, Itsnotme said:

Mmt, Pls kindly help. I'm desperate. I reinstated 1.5mg of Lexapro, then 2, then 3, then 5 since symptoms were still unbearable. I was so desperate each time to get relief from irrational obsessions, fear, anxiety and depression...now I'm not sure if I'm worse in terms of anxiety/panic and insomnia. I started 5mg 3 days ago, and it seems my obsessions aren't as bad but my insomnia is even worse, can't sleep more than a few hrs. Shaking and anxiety/panic is nonstop. Is this akanisia? I had these symptoms before the updose too though. But thinking that part is worse. I don't know what to do, ride out these symptoms since the obsessions and depression part aren't quite as bad? Will my brain adjust to the 5mg soon? How long can a human go with barely any sleep? 

 

  

6 hours ago, Itsnotme said:

Update: felt some improvement in panic/anxiety and mood later in day which made me think the updose was helping. Able to sleep about 6hrs last night, altho I did wake up in pure fear, able to go back to sleep. Panic and anxiety is still really high but sometimes I can talk myself out of it. 

 

Hi Itsnotme,

I copied over your PM's(private messages) to me.  And am really sorry, yet I am off site most of this week, and possibly next, while I get going with an educational pursuit of my own.  I think that there may be some moderators who will do some PM mentoring, but unfortunately I cannot, at this time, or ever really.  We're an internet forum, and I just can't do any one on one via PM.

Here's what we've got in The Rules and Guidelines section, of the Read This First sub forum, on this:

And I do understand Itsnotme, your new and feeling so desperate right now. 

 

My best guess, is that you are going too fast with your reinstatements, and upping the dose, way too frequently.

Unfortunately, less can often be more in the way of any reinstatement really helping, with WD symptoms, once they've set in.

So, if anything, if it were me, I would definitely NOT keep going up with your Lexapro dose expecting, that by doing so, your symptoms will resolve.

As, I don't know if 5 mg is going to help yet.

I'm really hoping that with some time, and patience it will. 

I don't think any of us told you to do a continuing updose, after reinstating.

Were you able to read the link on that?

 

You are also in the midst of taking some antibiotics right now too, which was unavoidable, but this could be adding to some of your recent distress.

 

If it was me, I think I would just hold steady for now.

Were you able to split the Wellbutrin timing away from your Lexapro by an hour or two?

 

Can you give us some daily notes to go on, times on the left, drugs by full name, and dose on the right.  Keep going with the times on the left for 24 hours, and then add in, on the right your symptoms, rate them after describing them, if you'd like, add in sleep patterns on the right, activities, any supplements, eating patterns, etc.  And here is the link that goes over that as well: 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1779-keep-daily-notes-of-drug-schedule-and-symptoms-to-track-patterns-and-progress/

 

So good to see your second post, in the quote, that you slept 6 hours, and overall felt like symptoms were letting up.  A bit of a Window, cherish that!  And good, so good that you were able to calm yourself, and utilize some self talk.  Sure sounds like a cortisol awakening.  You did great!!!

 

Just know Itsnotme, that a lot of what you are going through are some really intense neuroemotions, and that this is just not the time, to make any big decisions, or changes.

 

Oh Itsnotme, sending out all the best intentions I can for you now, and I'll ask one of the other moderators to stop by, right here on your Introduction, as soon as possible.  And I can check back next week, or the week after.  I had no idea my coursework would be so intensive, from the start, yet it is.  And so, must give it my all right now. 

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

[BooBoo19]

Hello, I thought I would join the conversation.  My story looks pathetic in lots of ways, a small time on Lexapro and boy have the withdrawals been bad.  Almost mostly anxiety, insomnia and intrusive thoughts.  I thought they were subsiding and then today a massive anxiety attack whereby I am in most panic and legs shaking.  I am due to go back to work on Monday after 5 months off and hoping it would focus my mind away from my symptoms but this is now adding a lot more anxiety.  Iam a professional female but starting to wonder what my future looks like as if I go back to work and it does not work out, what next?  I agree with you that you cannot plan as you do not know what each day will bring. I have no control over my anxiety attacks when they happen, I just pray for a window soon.

[Crochet]

Hi Itsnotme,

 

Thinking about you and hoping that you are seeing some improvement after your last updose.  I hope you get some sleep tonight!

 

With love, Crochet

[Itsnotme]

@manymoretodaysThank you for caring and I will not PM again. I have been separating Lexapro and Wellbutrin by 2 hrs. I finished Augmentin several days ago (7day course). My symptoms were still so unbearable after a small updose of Lexapro, could not function/work, sleep and feared hospitalization or death, so I panicked and went up on the reinstatement. I didn't feel the smaller doses were helping after waiting 2 wks. I will hold at 5mg. I was able to sleep last night for at least 7 hrs which is a huge improvement in that. But I did wake up again with fear, intrusive/obsessive thoughts, major anxiety although not quite as intense as it has been. I think the 5mg may be helping, but I am still far from stable or ok and praying for this nightmare to end. I appreciate your advice and information very much. 

[Itsnotme]

Crochet, thank you for thinking of me. Slept more the last 2 nights which is progress. Still suffering with fear, OCD, panic but praying today will be a better day. I think the 5mg updose is helping but it's still so bad, I am sure it will take quite some time to stabilize. I hope you are feeling a little better today or get some windows of relief. 

[Altostrata]

On 2/26/2021 at 5:56 AM, Itsnotme said:

I didn't feel the smaller doses were helping after waiting 2 wks. I will hold at 5mg. I was able to sleep last night for at least 7 hrs which is a huge improvement in that.

 

It's going to take at least a week for that increase to fully register.

 

When people's nervous systems are sensitized by withdrawal, it's often best not to get over-anxious about dosage increases -- they can trigger an outsized adverse reaction. If 5mg helps a little, it probably will help a little more. Think of it as a crutch allowing your nervous system to settle down. It's better to be very gentle with your nervous system than to batter it will a possibly too-high dose of Lexapro.

 

What time of day do you take Wellbutrin, at what dosage? How do you feel before and after taking Wellbutrin?

 

Common side effects of Wellbutrin may be insomnia, nervousness, anxiety, and panic.

[Itsnotme]

Thank you for your info. I'm holding at 5mg, 8 days now. Symptoms are still severe but shaking and tremoring have gone down a good bit and have moments where ocd and panic are reduced. Insomnia is off and on. Slept almost a full night last night, a blessing. I take Wellbutrin at 9:30a in the morn about 2 hrs after the Lexapro now. I know you are right that it can be stimulating. I'm taking magnesium to help with insomnia before bed. 

[manymoretodays]

 

On 2/28/2021 at 6:52 PM, Altostrata said:

What time of day do you take Wellbutrin, at what dosage? How do you feel before and after taking Wellbutrin?

 

On 2/13/2021 at 11:03 AM, Itsnotme said:

I also take Wellbutrin 150 XL.

Hi it's not me, and how have the last few days been going?

And it's totally to be expected that you might be still experiencing some Waves now.  As you settle on into a steady dose of the Lexapro, and then after the antibiotics too.  I mean many do get thrown about a bit, even with antibiotics like Augmentin.

 

And okay I found it.  In a narrative. 

Is this the same form and dose you've been on of the WellbutrinXL, since resuming it in 2019?

And again, when you can, put that in your signature a bit more clearly, dates, name of drug, doses, and dose changes:  to update or edit your signature, you can go directly there > :  AccountSettings/signature

 

And maybe, I don't know yet, but once you get to some WD stability, it may make sense to begin a taper off your WellbutrinXL. 

Withdrawal stability: 

Stability

And a lot to be gleaned from the whole of:  Are We There Yet? How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

I'm so hoping that the intensity of neuroemotions is lessening, and that you are starting to feel more improvement every day.  We certainly don't want you to stay in that awful state of sheer desperation for too long.  Sometimes, just knowing that it's a Wave, and what is going on more rationally can help, and learning more about how the answer for you, may no longer come in the form of another doctor, or prescription, etc. can and does help.

 

Too soon for any changes to the WellbutrinXL right now,  but I am going give you some references from the site, that might help empower you a bit more, in the months to come, in taking the path or journey to becoming med/drug free or minimizing them.  And it's never necessarily something to be done quickly, not after 30 years, but it can be something that might greatly improve your health :

Tips for tapering off Wellbutrin, SR, XR, XL, Zyban (buproprion)

Taking multiple psych drugs? Which drug to taper first?

 

So, take a look, and mainly just putting those here now, for reference for you.

 

Try and give us a Note form of a update for your next update:

Can you give us some daily notes to go on, times on the left, drugs by full name, and dose on the right.  Keep going with the times on the left for 24 hours, and then add in, on the right your symptoms, rate them after describing them, if you'd like, add in sleep patterns on the right, activities, any supplements, eating patterns, etc.  And here is the link that goes over that as well: 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1779-keep-daily-notes-of-drug-schedule-and-symptoms-to-track-patterns-and-progress/

The time of day, dosage, and severity of symptoms are essential information. Include

 

- Time and dosage for all drugs taken throughout the day, psychiatric and non-psychiatric.

- Following each dose, note any symptoms. If you are having a reaction to the drug, it may take hours for a symptom to show up -- that's why we ask you to keep notes all day long.

- If you're not taking any drugs, your symptoms throughout the day.

- Your sleep pattern. Since so many drugs disturb sleep, if you find you're waking in the middle of the night, it could be from a drug you took earlier in the evening. If you're not taking any drugs, there may be ways you can improve your sleep.

And so forth. A diary, in chronological order, looking something like this:
 

Example:

DATE:

 

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

Try and just do and post a 24 hour section.  Look at the link too, as I think this may prove invaluable in it's helpfulness to you, as well as us, to begin to learn how your body and spirit, mind and emotions, are affected by your drugs and changes to them.

 

Do give a hello narrative too, either in a separate reply, or added at the beginning or end of your note(s) too.

 

So hoping you are settling in to more predictable patterns now, and can cope, get through your work day, and other life aspects with a bit more ease.  Just a bit more ease, and especially with your relationships.  It can be a real trial in the early days of coming to terms, and understanding of what is what now!!!

 

And best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

[Itsnotme]

@manymoretodays thank you so much for reaching back out. I'm still struggling terribly with organic fear/anxiety, intrusive thoughts/OCD and panic nearly all day. Very difficult to work or function. Insomnia nearly every night with a few nights being able to sleep through most of the night. I've been on 5mg escitalopram for 10 days now, and I feel it may have helped just a little in that I'm not so deep inside of my depression or OCD, maybe more of a sense of reality than before. I'm not sure. I still feel in agony and am extremely desperate for relief.

I take Wellbutrin 150xl, the same dose I've been on for the last year 1/2, in the am about 2 hours after I take the escitalopram. So like 7:30 and 9:30. I've been taking magnesium, fish oil, vitamin D3 at night before going to bed. 

 

Typical day lately:

5:30am - woke with anxiety, restlessness and panic, could not fall back asleep (5:30 today is an improvement on 12:30 or 2:30am)
7:30 am - take 5mg escitalopram, levothyroxine, liothyronine, spirulina, DIM, anxiety, fear, panic with obsessional thought
9:00 am - ate cereal with fruit and nuts for breakfast; anxiety, fear, panic with obsessional thought continues

9:30 am - take bupropion 150xl
9:30-6:30 - anxiety, fear, panic with obsessional thoughts off and on all day/eat lunch around 12:30 (feel a tiny bit better with healthy food)
6:30pm - take liothyronine and probiotic 

6:30pm - usually take a walk for a half hour or so - occasionally mood will feel a little better
8:30pm - eat dinner - meat with veges and sometimes a starch or salad with proteins

9:00pm - take 1000 fish oil, 5000 vit D3, 250-400 magnesium, sometimes zinc

9:30-10:30 - go to sleep or try to - if I can't, have a cup of milk with another dose of magnesium